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1
00:00:05,270 --> 00:00:06,730
Can I have $20?
2
00:00:07,610 --> 00:00:11,280
I'm not gonna just give you $20.
You have to work to earn money.
3
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:13,240
I've been hanging with you all day.
4
00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:14,740
[door opens]
5
00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:17,410
Hey, I thought you were at the movies.
6
00:00:17,490 --> 00:00:23,750
Oh, I was, and then Teddy texted,
"Mom, emergency, need deodorant ASAP."
7
00:00:25,790 --> 00:00:28,340
That's not good.
Deodorant's like a parachute--
8
00:00:28,420 --> 00:00:30,800
if you suddenly realize you need it,
it's probably too late.
9
00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:35,180
-Where's my sweaty boy?
-He's up in his room.
10
00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:39,220
You're not gonna warn her?
11
00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:41,720
Where's the fun in that?
12
00:00:45,060 --> 00:00:46,150
Girl!
13
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,440
I just caught Teddy
in his room with a girl.
14
00:00:51,900 --> 00:00:54,490
And get this, she's a year older than him.
15
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:56,200
Kid's punching above his weight.
16
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,570
You knew about this?
17
00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:00,700
They're just doing homework.
It's innocent.
18
00:01:01,950 --> 00:01:04,120
There are blankets in there, Adam.
19
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,330
Do you know what blankets hide?
20
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,670
Of course I do.
21
00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:11,380
If I hadn't kept a blanket in my truck,
22
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:14,470
we would've gotten arrested every time
we parked for more than five minutes.
23
00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:15,670
-[chuckles]
-Ugh.
24
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:18,590
Okay, two things,
25
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,060
one, I'm in the room,
and you're grossing me out.
26
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,730
Okay, two, you're really grossing me out.
I just wanted to say that again.
27
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,190
Hold on. What're you doing?
28
00:01:29,270 --> 00:01:30,900
I'm getting those blankets out of there.
29
00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:33,440
I'm saving my baby
before he gets tangled in her web.
30
00:01:34,570 --> 00:01:35,900
Would you leave them alone?
31
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:37,070
[sighs]
32
00:01:38,110 --> 00:01:43,450
Teddy is barely a teenager, Adam,
and he has a girl in his room.
33
00:01:44,790 --> 00:01:47,370
That's a good point.
I should go tell him I'm proud of him.
34
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,090
Okay, your mother and I had a talk.
35
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,000
You mean, she talked, you listened.
36
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,920
I've seen it.
37
00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:00,470
[chuckles]
38
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,010
Actually, this time I talked.
39
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:05,350
I explained how all of this is normal,
40
00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:08,020
and she promised
not to yell "girl" anymore.
41
00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:12,230
In exchange, you'll have to share
a milkshake with her every so often.
42
00:02:13,190 --> 00:02:14,940
One glass, two straws.
43
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,320
But if you're gonna have girls over,
which, congratulations...
44
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:20,870
[clears throat]
45
00:02:20,950 --> 00:02:22,200
...there are rules.
46
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,910
Okay, first, no girls in your room
with the door closed
47
00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:26,290
and no sitting on the bed.
48
00:02:26,370 --> 00:02:30,120
Now, couches are okay
with a two-cushion buffer.
49
00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,300
Look, but don't touch, hmm?
50
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:37,970
Same rules as the ceiling fan.
51
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,550
There's no touching. We're just friends.
52
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,390
-Hmm.
-But I wish she was my girlfriend.
53
00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:48,480
Teddy, when you say you want her
to be your girlfriend,
54
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,140
what does that mean to you?
55
00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:51,980
Well, I'd like her
to sit with me at lunch.
56
00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:53,940
[both] Aw.
57
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,520
Save me a seat in Spanish class.
58
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,110
-Mm-hmm.
-That's nice.
59
00:02:57,190 --> 00:02:59,150
And next week,
at Jeremy's roller-skating party,
60
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,700
-I'd like to go all the way...
-[both] What?
61
00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:03,200
...around the rink with her.
62
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:06,330
You know,
hold her hand during couples' skate.
63
00:03:06,410 --> 00:03:07,620
-Oh, okay, okay.
-Yeah, okay.
64
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:08,700
[Adam] Yeah.
65
00:03:08,790 --> 00:03:11,540
I just don't know how to get her
from friend to girlfriend.
66
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,630
Oh. [chuckles]
67
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,920
Teddy, my boy,
you were born to the right father.
68
00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:22,510
This is like Bruce Lee's son
saying he wants to learn kung fu.
69
00:03:23,930 --> 00:03:27,600
Or he could just learn it on his own.
70
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,060
[chuckles]
71
00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:34,360
-Andi.
-Yeah.
72
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,440
I've been waiting 14 years
for this moment.
73
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,740
I didn't go through all that time
from when he was born to now for nothing.
74
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,030
Teddy, the lessons will begin tomorrow.
75
00:03:46,030 --> 00:03:47,490
Thanks, Dad.
76
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,500
-Aw.
-Lessons?
77
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:56,920
The kid's got natural talent,
like his father before him.
78
00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,800
Okay? I am a well-known wooer.
79
00:04:00,380 --> 00:04:04,640
Teddy is a Burns man,
and he has finally found his thing.
80
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,100
His "thing" is what I'm worried about.
81
00:04:19,940 --> 00:04:22,900
Now listen, getting out
of the friend zone is tricky.
82
00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:25,990
I've heard.
It's never actually happened to me.
83
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:28,870
Hey, what's up, fellas?
84
00:04:28,950 --> 00:04:30,620
Dad's teaching me about girls.
85
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:32,910
Without us?
86
00:04:33,830 --> 00:04:36,500
Yes, intentionally without you.
87
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,630
I'm helping him turn a friend
into a girlfriend.
88
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:41,550
It is not easy to do.
89
00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:44,800
Take it from a guy who's been
a maid of honor three times.
90
00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:48,970
Don't listen to them. Listen to me.
91
00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:51,140
And that's just a good rule in general.
92
00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:55,140
Now, any romance
is a complicated operation.
93
00:04:55,230 --> 00:04:59,690
It requires strategic planning. And what
happens when we don't have a plan, Teddy?
94
00:04:59,770 --> 00:05:03,490
We get lost, argue with Mom,
and then eventually look at a map.
95
00:05:06,570 --> 00:05:08,870
Orlando is a poorly designed city.
96
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:12,950
The point is, we need a plan.
97
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,330
No, he doesn't need a plan.
98
00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:19,170
I mean, if you must get involved,
at least don't teach him nonsense.
99
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,300
What are you doing in here?
100
00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:27,130
I'm dusting, like I do.
101
00:05:28,090 --> 00:05:29,430
No, you don't.
102
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,640
That's not even a real duster.
103
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,020
It came with your sexy maid
Halloween costume.
104
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:40,060
Well, I'm here now,
and I have something to say.
105
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:41,360
[sighs]
106
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,440
Teddy...
107
00:05:46,530 --> 00:05:49,360
Teddy, relationships can't be planned.
108
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,580
They blossom naturally through chemistry.
109
00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:54,830
It's magic,
110
00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:57,210
and magic can't be faked.
111
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:00,080
Literally all of magic is fake.
112
00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:03,090
Don't you say that.
113
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,050
Look, I agree with Adam.
114
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:08,840
Sometimes being yourself isn't enough.
115
00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:11,600
Oh, everyone be quiet,
the divorced guy's talking.
116
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,100
Look, I've never had a plan,
117
00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:19,020
and I've had a lot of dates end
with a friendly handshake.
118
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:22,480
I've walked into a lot of weddings
on the arm of the best man.
119
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:25,860
We get it. You agree with me.
120
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:27,150
Go dust something.
121
00:06:30,030 --> 00:06:33,450
I'm just saying that
there are moments that can't be faked.
122
00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:35,370
Like, when we were first dating,
123
00:06:35,450 --> 00:06:37,120
a waitress came to our table and she said,
124
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,710
"You two are the cutest couple.
You're perfect for each other,"
125
00:06:41,290 --> 00:06:42,750
and that's when I knew it was right.
126
00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:45,590
It was magic. Admit it.
127
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:46,960
Oh, yeah, yeah.
128
00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:49,010
-That was a truck blanket night.
-Yeah.
129
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:54,760
So, Teddy,
if you want this girl to like you,
130
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:57,600
just let the magic happen.
131
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,190
Or don't do that,
and get yourself a girlfriend.
132
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:03,900
Your choice.
133
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,570
Sorry, Mom, I'm going with Dad.
134
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:08,780
[chuckles]
135
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:10,650
He's no dummy.
136
00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:15,950
You want to learn to cook?
You come to Chef Boyardee.
137
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:19,790
Are you Chef Boyardee or Bruce Lee?
138
00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:21,750
I'm dinner and a movie.
139
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,420
I do it all, baby.
140
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,050
All right, now you just need
to shift the conversation
141
00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:32,970
from friend stuff to asking her
to the skate party.
142
00:07:33,050 --> 00:07:34,850
Here, we'll do a demonstration.
143
00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:36,430
Don, you be Madison.
144
00:07:36,510 --> 00:07:37,930
That makes sense.
145
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:40,810
Hey, Madison, how's it going?
146
00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:42,100
Cool, cool.
147
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:45,230
Now you're grooving, so you hit her with:
148
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:47,150
Hey, are you going
to Jeremy's skate party?
149
00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:50,280
-I was thinking about it.
-Yeah? Me, too.
150
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:54,200
Hey. I just thought of something.
We should go together.
151
00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:57,200
Sorry, I don't date guys shorter than me.
152
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,290
I knew you'd ruin it.
I just didn't know when.
153
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,920
Look, Teddy, next,
we need to manufacture some magic.
154
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,880
Okay? Set up a situation
155
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,670
where it looks like fate
caused you to run into her.
156
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:11,840
Girls love that.
157
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,050
Can you get your hands
on an ice cream truck?
158
00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:15,800
The music will do the work for you.
159
00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:18,600
I got it, I got it.
160
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,640
You casually bump into her while
she's waiting for her parents at pickup.
161
00:08:22,730 --> 00:08:24,390
Madison rides her bike to school.
162
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,560
Hmm, okay, uh-- Oh.
163
00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:28,400
How about this? [chuckles]
164
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,900
You slip out during lunch
and you pop a hole in her tire.
165
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,400
Then you can patch it for her
like I taught you last week.
166
00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:37,030
I remember you showing me,
but I stopped paying attention
167
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,830
because I realized
if I ever needed it, you could do it.
168
00:08:40,910 --> 00:08:44,460
Fine, just let the air out of her tire,
then offer to push her bike home.
169
00:08:44,540 --> 00:08:47,000
During the walk, you ask her to the party.
170
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,960
-That's great.
-Yeah.
171
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,380
Wait, what if she says no?
172
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:54,260
Ah, always remember two words,
"Just kidding."
173
00:08:54,340 --> 00:08:56,800
They get you out
of any embarrassing situation.
174
00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:58,970
Except when you try
to steal a monkey from the zoo.
175
00:08:59,050 --> 00:09:00,510
They count those things every night.
176
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:06,310
[chattering, laughter]
177
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,060
I'm telling you. [laughs]
178
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:11,860
-What's all this?
-Oh, it's a celebration.
179
00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:13,690
Yeah, Teddy's asking Madison out today,
180
00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:17,160
so I invited the guys over
to share in my victory--
181
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,820
Teddy, Teddy's victory.
182
00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:21,410
He comes from a long line of ladies' men.
183
00:09:21,490 --> 00:09:24,290
First me, then Donny, and now Teddy.
184
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,500
Well said, Pop.
185
00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:32,250
There he is. How'd it go, champ?
186
00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:33,550
Madison said no.
187
00:09:33,630 --> 00:09:36,720
What happened? Did you push her bike home?
188
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,260
It was hot. Did you forget deodorant?
189
00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:42,390
-No, it just didn't work.
-That's because it was all a setup.
190
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:46,140
You can't manufacture magic.
Women can always tell.
191
00:09:47,390 --> 00:09:49,310
No, snacks are for closers.
192
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,650
Don't worry, Teddy. We'll figure this out.
193
00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:55,740
Actually, if you want
to get closer to a woman,
194
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:57,820
you should probably talk to a woman.
195
00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:01,200
Where am I gonna get one of those?
That's my whole problem.
196
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,910
Me, Teddy. I'm a woman.
197
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,410
I can-- I can help you if you want.
198
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,370
Really? That's awesome. Thanks, Mom.
199
00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:08,540
-Yeah.
-Hold on.
200
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,250
What about me?
201
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:12,710
You're out. I need results.
202
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:19,930
I don't get this.
I gave him solid gold material.
203
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,140
That's the point.
204
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:24,430
You gave him material, right?
It wasn't real.
205
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:27,390
You call yourself this great wooer...
206
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,770
But you whiffed.
207
00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:30,480
You're a whiffer.
208
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:33,520
He needs a woman to help him
with this, Adam.
209
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:34,860
I know what women want.
210
00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:37,440
Okay, if I don't know
what women want, how did I get you?
211
00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:39,240
That was magic.
212
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,280
You didn't do anything.
213
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:43,660
Oh, really? You know,
214
00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:47,580
it's interesting you would say that,
because you know that story
215
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,120
about the waitress you love so much?
216
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:50,870
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah? Yeah.
217
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,460
I paid her $10 to say
we were a perfect couple.
218
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,170
Manufactured magic.
219
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,510
And it worked. Ha!
220
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,590
[laughs]
221
00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:04,470
So, the precious moment that I remember
222
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:07,220
as the universe giving me a sign
that we were meant to be...
223
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:08,770
was a trick?
224
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,520
Come on. It's funny.
225
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,150
It's the old "you married
a different guy than you thought" gag.
226
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,660
Hey. Uh,
227
00:11:22,740 --> 00:11:26,580
remember the thing I said
about giving that waitress $10?
228
00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:27,990
Just kidding.
229
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,210
I'm just saying,
if I hadn't paid that waitress
230
00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:35,040
to say we were perfect for each other,
we might not even be together.
231
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,130
You ever think of that?
232
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,210
I'm thinking about it right now.
233
00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:42,630
But everything worked out.
Look at us! We're in love.
234
00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:47,390
[scoffs] What you don't get is
that you didn't need to do it.
235
00:11:47,470 --> 00:11:48,770
I already liked you.
236
00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:50,930
Well, and I already liked you, too.
237
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:54,520
That's why I had to play
all those tricks and lock it down.
238
00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:58,570
-All those tricks? There's more?
-No. Who said that?
239
00:12:00,190 --> 00:12:02,530
I'm starting to question a lot of things.
240
00:12:02,610 --> 00:12:05,660
What about that night in your apartment
when the lights went out,
241
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:08,660
so you lit a bunch of candles, and then
you took your shirt off to fix it?
242
00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:11,910
I cut the power.
243
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:17,290
But my muscles were real
and so were my feelings for you.
244
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:20,800
Mm-hmm. And that wounded dove
245
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,380
that you brought over to my house
to nurse back to health?
246
00:12:23,470 --> 00:12:27,260
Did you choke it out so I could
see your soft and gentle side?
247
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:30,180
No! I would never do that.
248
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,690
I soaked some bread in cough medicine.
249
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,400
But it's still a great memory.
250
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,480
And that bird got
the best sleep of his life.
251
00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:42,150
You are unbelievable.
252
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,700
I know.
253
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:46,240
But you're not saying it
like it's a compliment.
254
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:49,870
Mom, do you have time
to talk about Madison?
255
00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:51,660
Of course, honey.
256
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,120
[gasps] Hmm. I'll make us a milkshake.
257
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,960
One glass, two straws.
258
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:57,710
Hey, hey.
259
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:02,550
If you want to come back to Team Dad,
I got some ideas to figure this out.
260
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:05,680
We get you and Madison in an elevator.
I cut the power.
261
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,350
Or a Ferris wheel, huh?
262
00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:09,430
I cut the power.
263
00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:10,560
I'm good.
264
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:13,230
Fine.
265
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:16,940
[sighs] You wouldn't even be here
if I hadn't cut the power.
266
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,690
[sighs]
267
00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:31,490
I see you and Teddy have managed to pry
yourselves apart for a few minutes.
268
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,540
He's at soccer practice.
269
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,170
You two were talking for a long time
in his room last night.
270
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,590
Girl in room, door closed,
271
00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:43,590
I thought that was against your rules.
272
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:48,050
Yeah, but I just assumed that rules
went out the window after I found out
273
00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:50,720
that our relationship
was based on a drugged bird.
274
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,270
I'm Teddy's dad.
275
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,230
I should be teaching him this stuff.
276
00:13:56,310 --> 00:13:57,810
This is my only chance.
277
00:13:57,890 --> 00:14:00,810
We have two girls and one boy.
You get to do it twice.
278
00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:03,190
Fine. You can have one of the girls.
279
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,570
I don't want the girls! I want Teddy!
280
00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:08,700
I had him first. Then you stole him!
281
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,410
What? I didn't steal him.
282
00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:15,500
He chose me,
because I have advice that actually works.
283
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,620
Let's hear your wonderful advice.
284
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:22,210
Okay. Well, he said he gets nervous
talking to Madison,
285
00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:25,880
so I told him to send her a text
explaining how he feels about her.
286
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,970
Open and honest.
287
00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:29,630
That's what girls want.
288
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,510
Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh.
289
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,600
[phone rings]
290
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:37,230
Hello.
291
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,770
Oh, hi.
292
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:42,650
It's Madison's mom.
She's probably calling to thank me.
293
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,190
We should enjoy this together.
What's up, Kathy?
294
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,910
Your son is sending my daughter
weird text messages.
295
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,450
If it doesn't stop,
I'm getting the school involved.
296
00:14:54,530 --> 00:14:57,410
Right. Well, bye...
Oh. You already hung up.
297
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,290
Oh, my God. Getting the school involved?
298
00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:04,420
-All right. Uh, where's his phone?
-Uh... backpack.
299
00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:09,840
Uh... Oh, boy. Brace yourself.
300
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,760
"I drew your face on an apple,
and then I ate it."
301
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,600
Did you...
302
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,310
You can't say that.
303
00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:23,270
Listen to this one.
304
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,980
"I follow you on Instagram, Twitter,
and secretly, on your way home."
305
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,540
Uh... this is bad.
306
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:40,120
Okay. Okay. Okay.
307
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:42,000
Um... all right.
308
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:46,000
Katie and Emme get married, and Teddy
lives with us the rest of his life.
309
00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:50,220
Yeah. Yeah, that's not so bad.
It'll be like having a lonely butler.
310
00:15:52,090 --> 00:15:55,600
[sighs] I feel terrible for him.
We have to do something.
311
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,850
There is no coming back from
eating her face on an apple.
312
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:03,560
-You know what we need?
-Whiskey.
313
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:05,310
No, no, no, no.
314
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:08,270
We need some Adam Burns magic.
315
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,400
Your fake magic, your trickery.
316
00:16:10,490 --> 00:16:11,950
I thought you hated that stuff.
317
00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:16,780
Yeah, but we have to help Teddy,
and it works, right? It worked on me.
318
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:19,950
I mean, you schemed your way into
getting a woman you in no way deserved.
319
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:24,580
-I am good, aren't I?
-Mm-hmm.
320
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:27,840
Wait, so you're not mad at me
for paying that waitress anymore?
321
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:32,010
[sighs] I'm choosing to believe that
when she said we were the cutest couple
322
00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:35,050
and perfect for each other,
that there was magic.
323
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:40,220
The magic of getting you,
a known cheapskate, to part with $10.
324
00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:42,770
Yeah, she wouldn't make change.
325
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:45,940
All right, so...
326
00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:47,860
-So what are you thinking?
-Uh, well,
327
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,030
we combine our superpowers, right?
328
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:53,030
My honesty and your man-made magic.
329
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:55,780
Right? If we work together,
we can save the day.
330
00:16:56,820 --> 00:16:57,910
I like it.
331
00:16:59,830 --> 00:17:01,620
I think this is how the Avengers started.
332
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:02,910
Yes.
333
00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:06,920
Look, we came here
because we want to be completely honest.
334
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,130
Madison, you and Teddy were doing great,
335
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:11,380
but then we got involved
and ruined everything.
336
00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:14,720
Yeah, we were the problem,
and we're so sorry.
337
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,010
Do you like Teddy?
338
00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:19,470
I did until people told me
he let the air out of my bike tire.
339
00:17:19,550 --> 00:17:21,600
That was me. I told him to do that.
340
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,480
And I'm the one who told him
341
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:28,400
to send you super-honest text messages
about his feelings.
342
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,360
You guys are the worst.
343
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,900
Yes. Thank you, Kathy.
That's what we're saying. We're the worst.
344
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:36,280
But Teddy's not.
345
00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:38,280
Oh, my God.
346
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,200
I can't believe
you two actually came here.
347
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,580
Leave these poor people alone.
348
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,450
We're just trying to fix
what we screwed up.
349
00:17:44,370 --> 00:17:45,660
I'll handle this.
350
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:49,250
-Hey, Madison, you know me, right?
-Everyone at school knows you.
351
00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:51,340
You're a legend. I heard you had a party--
352
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:53,340
Uh, we don't need to talk about that.
353
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:54,880
Uh, listen.
354
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:57,050
I saw you and Teddy at our house,
355
00:17:57,130 --> 00:18:00,720
and I was like, and I wrote this down
so I'd remember it,
356
00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:02,890
"Oh, my God.
357
00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:06,270
You two are the cutest couple.
You're perfect for each other."
358
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:08,390
-Really?
-Totally.
359
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:09,940
And if you like Teddy,
360
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:12,320
I think you should go
to the skate party with him.
361
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,440
It'll be fun.
362
00:18:13,530 --> 00:18:16,070
All right, I want to go with him.
363
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:17,400
Mom?
364
00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:20,820
-Fine, but I'm driving both ways.
-[Adam] Yeah.
365
00:18:20,910 --> 00:18:22,910
Oh. No. Great. Great.
366
00:18:22,990 --> 00:18:25,620
A-And we promise
that we will never get involved
367
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:27,330
in Teddy's personal life again.
368
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,380
Oh, by the way, you have a beautiful--
369
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:32,540
Oh. And you already closed the door.
370
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:36,420
Way to go, Avengers. [laughs]
371
00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:39,010
Instead of saving the world,
we tricked a teenage girl,
372
00:18:39,090 --> 00:18:40,930
-but it still feels good.
-Mm-hmm.
373
00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:46,220
-What's that?
-That's the 20 bucks we agreed on.
374
00:18:46,310 --> 00:18:47,890
Yeah, 20 bucks to do it,
375
00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:50,900
but did we settle on a price
for me not telling Teddy about it?
376
00:18:57,990 --> 00:19:00,110
-That kid is going places.
-Mm-hmm.
377
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:05,990
[music playing on TV]
378
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,500
[music stops]
379
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,630
Adam, what's happening?
380
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:20,630
Wow. Looks like the power went out.
381
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,720
Right when the kids are at my folks'
382
00:19:25,810 --> 00:19:28,560
and I have this candle in one hand and...
383
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:31,730
a bottle of wine in the other!
384
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,020
That's lucky.
385
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:35,940
[laughs]
386
00:19:38,190 --> 00:19:39,610
You cut the power, didn't you?
387
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:45,160
Do you really want to know,
or do you want to just enjoy the magic?
388
00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:50,750
-I'll take the magic.
-Yeah.
389
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:52,420
Go ahead. Woo me.
390
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:55,710
I thought I just did.
391
00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:02,840
I can go outside and try to catch a bird,
but I got to tell you, honey,
392
00:20:02,930 --> 00:20:04,300
I'm not as quick as I used to be.
393
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:06,800
[both chuckling]
30053
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