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1
00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:06,690
Guys, stop what you're doing.
I have something to tell you.
2
00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:09,730
Is it bad news? Is it Dad's pacemaker?
3
00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:11,360
Should I sit down or stand up?
4
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:14,360
Just to be safe,
I'm gonna split the difference and lean.
5
00:00:15,870 --> 00:00:21,200
I just heard on the radio that in England,
they call bologna "polony."
6
00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:26,130
I don't like it. It's arrogant.
7
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,460
I gotta go to the bank.
Or as they call it in England, the "pank."
8
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:33,130
We're not doing that, Lowell.
9
00:00:33,670 --> 00:00:34,720
Copy that.
10
00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:39,140
[phone chimes]
11
00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:42,390
Lowell just got a text.
12
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,730
Hey, come on. That's personal.
Don't read it.
13
00:00:45,270 --> 00:00:46,940
-It's from his ex-wife.
-Read it.
14
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,980
-[high-pitched voice] "Hey, Lowell"--
-Normal voice.
15
00:00:50,780 --> 00:00:53,070
[speaking normally] "Hey, Lowell,
can we get together for a drink?
16
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:55,320
It's not about the kids, it's about us."
17
00:00:55,910 --> 00:00:59,200
"Us"? They don't have an "us" anymore.
What do you think she wants?
18
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:03,040
Sex. Men and women only drink together
to loosen up for boom-boom time.
19
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,790
[sighs] This is not good.
20
00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:07,000
Lowell was devastated
after she cheated on him.
21
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,880
If he thinks he has another chance
with her, he'll jump at it.
22
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:13,300
Then she'll break his heart
and we'll be knee-deep in man tears again.
23
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,470
Remember how loud he cries?
24
00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:17,340
It was the worst sound I've ever heard.
25
00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:20,680
And I saw a documentary on a marching band
that got sucked up by a twister.
26
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:23,470
You know, all the horns.
27
00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:25,060
Yeah.
28
00:01:25,140 --> 00:01:27,060
Okay, let's think about this. Um...
29
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,520
Ooh. What if we stop it before it happens?
30
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:30,690
We'll delete Jen's text,
31
00:01:30,770 --> 00:01:32,820
Lowell won't text her back,
the whole thing goes away.
32
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,360
-Let's do it.
-Okay.
33
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:38,820
-Uh, I don't know how to do it.
-Right there. That's delete.
34
00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:41,740
That deletes the whole chain.
How do you delete just one text?
35
00:01:41,830 --> 00:01:43,040
I got it.
36
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,410
You're highlighting it.
That's copy-and-paste.
37
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,960
You just took a picture of us.
38
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:48,620
[car door closes]
39
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,300
-No, he's back. He can't see this text.
-What do we do?
40
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,210
Uh... Just take it.
Take the whole damn phone.
41
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,420
-I don't want it.
-Just stash it somewhere.
42
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:01,140
Not there.
43
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:03,350
-It's all right. We're family.
-Come on...
44
00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:07,020
-I forgot my phone.
-Ah.
45
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,230
Right on.
46
00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:13,570
I pulled onto Old Town Road and asked Siri
to play "Old Town Road," like I do.
47
00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:15,990
But when she didn't,
I thought she was ignoring me,
48
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,530
so I asked louder and louder
49
00:02:17,610 --> 00:02:21,120
until I realized I didn't have my phone
and I was shouting at myself.
50
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,200
If I had a nickel. [chuckles]
51
00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:25,540
-Right?
-[laughter]
52
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:30,080
-[sighs]
-Huh. It's not here.
53
00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:31,290
-Hmm.
-Yeah.
54
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:34,210
Well, I hope you're not suggesting
that it's in Adam's pants.
55
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,560
Hey. Sorry I'm late for dinner.
56
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,440
Oh, dinner. That's why I came in here.
57
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,610
[chuckles]
58
00:02:57,070 --> 00:02:59,070
I stopped by Dad's after work
to check on him.
59
00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:01,820
How is he adjusting to life
with the new pacemaker?
60
00:03:01,910 --> 00:03:05,080
He seemed fine, but I could tell
they were hurrying me out.
61
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,950
Especially when Dad said,
"Hurry and get out."
62
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,540
You think he's not feeling well,
and he's trying to hide it?
63
00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:15,670
Something's going on.
I need to get to the bottom of it.
64
00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:17,710
When's dinner?
65
00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,800
I have been down here
working on it for hours.
66
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,430
I am only one person.
67
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,510
Hey, uh, Katie,
can you go check on Grandpa?
68
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,100
Snoop around, see how he's doing
and report back to me?
69
00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:31,390
-I don't like the idea of spying.
-Wha...
70
00:03:32,270 --> 00:03:33,520
I'll give you $20.
71
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:36,860
Okay. I'll do anything for money.
72
00:03:38,860 --> 00:03:40,570
Well, that's comforting to a father.
73
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,280
I'll go after school tomorrow.
74
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:49,950
Uh, why do you have an extra cell phone?
75
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,620
[gasps] Oh.
76
00:03:51,710 --> 00:03:54,210
Is it a burner
for your secret second family?
77
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,170
Yeah. Is that gonna be a problem?
78
00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:04,550
No, but maybe you could fill up
your other wife's DVR
79
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,050
with Finding Bigfoot.
80
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,520
[chuckles] This is Lowell's phone.
81
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,930
Jen texted him
that she wanted to meet for a drink.
82
00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:14,810
I didn't want him to see it and be tempted
to get back together with her.
83
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,150
So you stole his phone?
84
00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:18,610
Well, we tried to delete
just the one text,
85
00:04:18,690 --> 00:04:21,400
but I think you can only do that
from Apple headquarters.
86
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,620
Well, look, you got to give Lowell
his phone back. All right?
87
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,240
If you're concerned for your friend,
88
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,450
just tell him you're worried
because you care about him.
89
00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:32,290
That's not how we do it.
90
00:04:33,870 --> 00:04:35,670
I steal his phone. That's how we do it.
91
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:40,000
Look, I agree with you.
Jen is terrible for him.
92
00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:43,720
But Lowell's a grown man.
You need to let him make his own choices.
93
00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:46,590
I'm a grown man.
94
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,680
You don't let me make my own choices.
95
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,390
Honey, give Lowell his phone back.
96
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:57,600
I don't have these problems
with my secret second family.
97
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,070
I'm the boss over there.
98
00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:05,490
When's Lowell getting here?
99
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,780
I'm pulling up his location
on Find My Friends.
100
00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:10,910
He's in the living room!
101
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,960
Oh, that's right. We have his phone.
102
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,120
I still think it's a mistake
to give this back.
103
00:05:17,210 --> 00:05:18,500
I know how to get rid of it.
104
00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:21,920
Give it to one of the kids and tell them,
"Don't lose it." We'll never see it again.
105
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,970
Why didn't you guys just delete the text?
106
00:05:26,050 --> 00:05:28,890
It can't be done.
We don't work for NASA, Marcy.
107
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,760
It's two steps: edit, delete.
108
00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:34,810
I know because I deleted
all of Don's texts about polony.
109
00:05:36,690 --> 00:05:39,060
It's what the British people call bologna.
110
00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:43,070
I don't like it. It's arrogant.
111
00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:46,450
You and I are so made for each other.
112
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,370
-Hey, what's up?
-Hey, Lowell. Uh, have a seat.
113
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:55,040
I can't stay long. I'm meeting a guy
who responded to my "lost phone" flyer.
114
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,540
He said to meet him in an alley
115
00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:59,540
and wear a tank top and gym shorts
so he knows it's me.
116
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,340
Uh-huh. In the future,
maybe run that stuff by us, okay?
117
00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:07,420
Yeah. Uh, so, Lowell, um,
118
00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:10,180
how are you feeling
about your ex-wife these days?
119
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:12,050
I'm finally in a good place.
120
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:14,100
I haven't hacked into her e-mail
in months.
121
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:17,600
You broke into her e-mail?
122
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,650
Yeah. I have Jen's password,
and every night after the divorce,
123
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:24,860
I would curl up in her old sweatshirt
and read her in-box.
124
00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:29,820
That sounded sexy, but I know it's sad.
125
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:32,370
But you're over her now?
126
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:34,580
Totally and completely.
127
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:37,620
Okay, well, then,
I guess you can have your phone back.
128
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,000
Don took it.
129
00:06:41,290 --> 00:06:44,880
Yeah. Because-- Because Jen texted you,
and we didn't want you to overreact.
130
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,760
That's no big deal. We text each other
all the time about the kids--
131
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,050
A drink?
132
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:51,590
She wants to get a drink.
133
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,890
Okay, hold on, hold on.
Don't get too excited.
134
00:06:53,970 --> 00:06:56,390
We're getting back together.
Jump up and down with me.
135
00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:59,390
Oh. Yeah, no, uh, Lowell,
I'm wearing the wrong bra.
136
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,400
Yeah. No jumping.
I thought you said you were over her.
137
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,270
That was when she didn't want me back.
Now she wants me back.
138
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,730
I'm back!
139
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,780
I'm answering her. "Where and when?"
140
00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:13,160
Okay, Lowell,
just because Jen wants a one-nighter,
141
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,950
doesn't mean
she wants to get back together.
142
00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:16,580
That's right, Andi. Tell him.
143
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:20,830
She could just be using you.
I mean, ladies like cheap sex too.
144
00:07:23,290 --> 00:07:24,710
Well, don't lie to him.
145
00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:26,420
[phone chimes]
146
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:27,840
[gasps] She answered.
147
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:32,260
"I'm staying at the Bainbridge Hotel
this weekend. Let's get a drink tomorrow."
148
00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:34,050
She definitely wants me back.
149
00:07:34,140 --> 00:07:35,510
How do you figure?
150
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,430
The Bainbridge
is where we had our first date.
151
00:07:37,510 --> 00:07:40,180
It's the most romantic spot
in our pantheon of love.
152
00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:44,480
Mm-hmm. Does your pantheon
have a cheater's basement? Huh?
153
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,980
'Cause she really steamed up the windows
down there.
154
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,280
That's true.
She's put you through a lot of polony.
155
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,530
[together] No.
156
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,450
Okay, okay.
157
00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:58,910
Why would Jen be staying at the Bainbridge
tonight if she's meeting you tomorrow?
158
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:01,660
That's a great question, Andi.
Doesn't make any sense.
159
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,380
Unless she's preparing our love nest.
160
00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:08,300
She probably wants me to stay over
tomorrow. I should pack a bag.
161
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:11,090
[stammering]
Lowell, you're making a big mistake.
162
00:08:11,170 --> 00:08:13,680
You're right. Play it cool.
163
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,050
I'll wear two pairs of underwear
just to be safe.
164
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,430
One dressy, one everyday.
165
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,770
He's in for a world of hurt.
166
00:08:23,850 --> 00:08:26,480
[sighs] There's got to be something
we can do.
167
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,270
Well, there was.
Not give him back his phone.
168
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:31,690
All right, nobody likes that guy.
169
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,450
Okay, uh... Ooh.
170
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:36,820
All right.
Don and I will go down to the Bainbridge
171
00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:38,580
to talk to Jen
and find out her intentions.
172
00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:41,540
If she's just toying with Lowell,
we'll tell her to leave him alone.
173
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,120
Oh. You guys are doing a good thing.
174
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:46,880
I wish we didn't have to go
to the Bainbridge.
175
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,460
They charge ten bucks for parking.
176
00:08:48,540 --> 00:08:51,300
I tell you what. If you drive,
I'll let you pay for parking.
177
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:53,920
That sounds fair.
178
00:08:55,470 --> 00:08:56,840
Wait a minute.
179
00:08:58,350 --> 00:09:00,100
-No. That's right.
-[Adam] Yeah.
180
00:09:03,230 --> 00:09:04,230
Hello?
181
00:09:08,650 --> 00:09:11,190
Grandpa? Is everybody okay?
182
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,660
[Joe] Bev, if you're gonna talk dirty,
talk louder.
183
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,490
You know I don't hear too good.
184
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:31,840
Welcome to the Bainbridge Hotel.
May I help you?
185
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,260
Yeah. We're looking for a guest
staying here-- Jen Franklin.
186
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:37,090
Miss Franklin's bachelorette party
is in the hotel bar.
187
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:38,590
Bachelorette party?
188
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,430
Wha-- Jen's getting married?
189
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:43,390
By any chance,
is she marrying a guy named Lowell?
190
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:47,940
What kind of person has their ex meet her
where they had their first date
191
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:49,440
to tell him she's marrying another guy?
192
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,650
I'm giving Jen a piece of my mind.
193
00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:53,320
Ask if they validate parking.
194
00:09:55,150 --> 00:09:57,700
-[music playing]
-We're looking for Jen Franklin.
195
00:09:57,780 --> 00:09:59,410
[gasps] The strippers are here!
196
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,070
[cheering]
197
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,780
We're not strippers.
198
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,290
Hold on. Let's see how this plays out.
199
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,750
You guys can't start the show
till Jen comes down from her room.
200
00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:11,630
Did you use a Groupon?
201
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:16,130
Groupon? Hey, I did not come here
to get my feelings hurt.
202
00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:18,550
And if I was a stripper,
you'd be paying full price.
203
00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:20,180
Let's go, Don.
204
00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:23,930
You just talked yourself
out of the full monty, lady.
205
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:32,230
So not only does Jen not want
to get back together with Lowell,
206
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,020
she's marrying someone else.
207
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:35,690
I can't believe that.
208
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:39,240
And in sexier news,
Adam and I were mistaken for strippers.
209
00:10:43,450 --> 00:10:44,740
I believe that.
210
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,660
Thanks, baby.
211
00:10:53,170 --> 00:10:55,300
You're awfully quiet over there, Andi.
212
00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,760
Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah.
You can shake your moneymaker.
213
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,430
Look, I just... I'm worried about Lowell.
214
00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:04,220
I mean, he's not gonna take this well.
215
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,600
Which is exactly why
I stole his phone to begin with.
216
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:10,770
All right, so we'll tell Lowell the news,
and then you will make him feel better
217
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:13,400
by telling him how much he means to you
as a friend.
218
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,020
[laughs] I'm not doing that.
219
00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,820
Men don't talk about feelings.
220
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:21,280
Lowell tells you how he feels about you
all the time.
221
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,950
And it's really uncomfortable.
222
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,870
I wish he'd steal my phone instead.
223
00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:27,240
[door opens]
224
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,080
-Hey, Katie. How was Grandpa?
-I don't want to talk about it.
225
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,630
Whoa, wait.
What did you-- What did you find out?
226
00:11:35,710 --> 00:11:37,710
That you might have a little brother
coming soon.
227
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:49,890
So, Lowell, we have something to tell you,
and there-- there's no easy way to say it.
228
00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:51,890
So... Marcy, say it.
229
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,940
-Thank you, Andi.
-Yeah.
230
00:11:58,020 --> 00:12:01,900
Lowell, today we found out--
Andi, you finish.
231
00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:06,120
That Jen-- Back to you, Marcy.
232
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,660
-Is-- Andi?
-Getting-- Marcy?
233
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,910
M... Andi?
234
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,460
Oh, for crying out loud.
Lowell, Jen's getting married again.
235
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,800
-What?
-We're sorry you had to hear it from us.
236
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,470
Who is she marrying?
237
00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:25,590
I looked up her wedding registry.
It's some guy named Ira Stone.
238
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,060
Ira Stone? He was my divorce lawyer.
239
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,060
I bet that's why she got all your money.
240
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,860
What? Someone already said that?
241
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,280
Why am I the one who always gets hurt?
242
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,240
When's it gonna be her turn to cry so loud
the neighbors call the police
243
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,280
because they think
a cat is stuck in the wall?
244
00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:52,370
Oh, Lowell, I know it's hard,
but we're here for you.
245
00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:54,710
Yeah. We'll help you rise above.
246
00:12:54,790 --> 00:12:57,170
Or we can help you sink below.
247
00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:00,840
You don't always have
to be on the losing end.
248
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,510
You may not be able to get her back,
but you can get her back.
249
00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:06,340
You just said the same thing twice.
250
00:13:08,470 --> 00:13:11,310
Adam is talking about
the dish best served cold.
251
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,140
Jell-O?
252
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:19,230
Revenge, Don. I'm talking about revenge.
253
00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:23,110
-What do you think?
-Let's do it.
254
00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:24,490
-All right.
-That a boy.
255
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,200
All right, let's get to work.
You have Jen's e-mail password.
256
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,950
There's got to be some part of her life
we can screw up.
257
00:13:30,030 --> 00:13:31,790
You bet your bippy there is.
258
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:35,160
I'll go home and get the password.
259
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,870
One quick cry in her sweatshirt,
and I'll be back.
260
00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,220
I found Kate's purse at our place.
261
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,090
I guess she left it there when...
well, you know.
262
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:51,810
What? I don't know.
263
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:54,600
She caught your father and me
in a compromising position.
264
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,730
-[gasps]
-Or positions.
265
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:59,190
I'm not sure
how long she was standing there.
266
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,820
Ma, don't say "positions" to me.
267
00:14:04,530 --> 00:14:07,740
Poor Katie.
No wonder she was asking to go to church.
268
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,450
Your father's new pacemaker
has had some side effects.
269
00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:13,700
It's made him very randy.
270
00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:15,160
Okay, thanks for stopping by.
271
00:14:16,330 --> 00:14:17,910
I mean, he's like a new man.
272
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,580
We haven't done some of that stuff
since Nixon.
273
00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:25,590
Seriously, you have to stop talking
before this whole house turns to ash.
274
00:14:25,670 --> 00:14:30,300
Wait. I need a favor.
Ask your dad to turn down his pacemaker.
275
00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:34,560
A little. Nothing dangerous.
I just need time to run a few errands.
276
00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:38,770
Fine. I can't do it right now.
I'm in the middle of something.
277
00:14:38,850 --> 00:14:41,860
Make it soon. I haven't finished
a crossword in a week.
278
00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:43,360
They're piling up.
279
00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:48,950
-What'd your mom want?
-To ruin my day.
280
00:14:51,570 --> 00:14:53,580
-Did you get Jen's password?
-Yep. Here you go.
281
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,240
Oh. Okay.
282
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:56,950
You had to write this down?
283
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,410
It's just a random jumble
of letters and numbers.
284
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,580
Lowell, it's "Down2play24-7."
285
00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:06,630
I said it's random.
286
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,800
Okay, honey, sure.
287
00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:13,930
Uh, okay, I opened Jen's e-mail.
288
00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:16,560
Look, she used a travel website
to plan her honeymoon.
289
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:21,810
[gasps] Flight, hotel.
It is perfectly bundled for revenge.
290
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,320
-It says "click link to access itinerary."
-Mm-hmm.
291
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,730
It wants us to do it.
It doesn't like her either.
292
00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:32,860
We're in! [chuckles]
I've always wanted to say that.
293
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,120
Jen booked two business class tickets
to Hawaii.
294
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,410
Lowell, what do you want to do about that?
295
00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:43,330
I say, let's move her to the back...
296
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,380
-Yeah.
-...of business class.
297
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,920
That way, when they pass out
the freshly baked cookies,
298
00:15:50,010 --> 00:15:53,300
they won't be hot anymore,
they'll just be warm.
299
00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:59,850
Uh, okay, you got to dial it up
a little, Lowell. All right?
300
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:03,270
Honey, move Jen to the back of the plane
next to the bathroom, huh?
301
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:06,610
She put you in a crappy situation.
We're gonna do the same thing to her.
302
00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:12,280
Oh. Click "modify hotel reservation."
303
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:17,620
"Beachfront room"? I don't think so.
Unless we fill it with scorpions.
304
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:22,330
Okay, now dial it down a little.
305
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,090
Okay, what's the worst room in a hotel?
306
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:30,130
Ground floor, parking lot view.
It's what we always get.
307
00:16:30,670 --> 00:16:33,130
I don't need an ocean view
when I got a Marcy view.
308
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:36,340
Aw. That's sweet.
I thought you were just cheap.
309
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,010
[chuckles] It's a little of both.
310
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:44,890
Okay. All set. The only thing left to do
is hit "confirm changes."
311
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,730
You do the honors.
312
00:16:46,810 --> 00:16:48,150
[chuckles]
313
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,480
I don't know.
314
00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:53,240
What? What-- What don't you know?
315
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,200
Maybe I should leave the door open
with Jen.
316
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,160
-Wha--
-Yeah, she's marrying another man,
317
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,490
but she cheated on me.
318
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,370
She could cheat on him with me.
319
00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:01,700
[groans]
320
00:17:03,710 --> 00:17:05,790
Have you learned nothing from this,
Lowell?
321
00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:07,960
Jen is a horrible person.
322
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,460
She's marrying your divorce lawyer.
323
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:14,170
The guy you paid to sue her pants off
took her pants off!
324
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:18,850
Look, I have spent the last year
watching you suffer. I won't do it again.
325
00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:21,180
I know, I know.
Because I wasn't productive at work.
326
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:23,730
No. I mean yes. But no.
327
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:27,270
You just keep letting her
take advantage of you, Lowell,
328
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:28,610
and I can't stand it!
329
00:17:29,190 --> 00:17:31,570
I care about you.
You are part of this family,
330
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,610
and damn it, we love you!
331
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:40,240
Aw. You did it. [chuckles]
You yelled it, but you did it.
332
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:44,620
Stand up for yourself
and push that button.
333
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,210
I don't need to.
334
00:17:51,630 --> 00:17:56,510
I think I held on to the idea of Jen
because I was afraid I'd end up alone.
335
00:17:57,090 --> 00:18:00,220
But then you screamed at me
from the heart.
336
00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:06,600
Now I know I can let her go
because I have you guys.
337
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,900
-[both] Aw...
-That's weird. Press the button.
338
00:18:10,730 --> 00:18:12,610
Do it. Press it.
339
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,240
No. Okay, we are proud of him,
340
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,780
and Don and I are taking you out to dinner
to celebrate.
341
00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:22,410
That's right,
but you're gonna have to pay,
342
00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:24,620
because I have no idea
where I left my wallet.
343
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:27,660
[door closes]
344
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,130
Thanks, Adam.
345
00:18:33,090 --> 00:18:34,460
Oh. Well, all right.
346
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,880
You see what you started?
347
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,810
Okay, let go, Lowell.
348
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,730
My arms did, but my heart never will.
349
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,320
Who talks like that?
350
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:06,830
You love him. [chuckles]
351
00:19:07,790 --> 00:19:10,670
And I love when you show
your sensitive side.
352
00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:12,750
I think it's hot.
353
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:15,710
That's why I like you
more than my secret second wife.
354
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,130
Ah.
355
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:18,800
[both laughing]
356
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,220
Why can't any of you
keep your hands off each other?
357
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,810
[groans]
358
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:30,140
-Let's take this upstairs.
-Absolutely.
359
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,980
Right behind you.
Oh, uh, just got to do one thing.
360
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:35,690
"Confirm changes."
361
00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:38,690
That's for you and your rude friends.
362
00:19:39,490 --> 00:19:41,030
"Groupon." [scoffs]
363
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:50,660
Dad?
364
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,710
Mom?
365
00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:57,130
This is as far as I'm coming in.
366
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,300
Hello?
367
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,720
I'm inside the house!
368
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:09,220
It's okay. You don't have to talk to Dad.
369
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:12,560
I doubled up on my B12s.
Everything's hunky-dory.
370
00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:16,400
Run along, boy. This is grown-up time.
371
00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:21,280
I'm never coming back here again.
29628
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