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1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,870
Previously on
How I Met Your Mother:
2
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,338
TED:
She was completely amazing.
3
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:07,341
She was amazing
and funny and...
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:10,244
You have feelings for Ted.
Maybe.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,146
VICTORIA:
I've just been offered
a fellowhip
6
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,382
at a culinary institute
in Germany.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,517
Do you want
to try long distance?
Yes.
8
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,120
"This long-distance thing sucks,
huh?
9
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,688
And I really need
to talk to you tonight."
10
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:21,755
She's going to dump me!
11
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,357
She's not going
to break up with you, Ted.
12
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,325
Hello?
13
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,627
Do you want to come over?
14
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,510
Kids, your grandma always
used to say to me,
15
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,212
"Nothing good happens
after 2:00 A.M.,"
16
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,746
and she was right.
17
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:49,217
When 2:00 A.M. rolls around,
just go home and go to sleep.
18
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,651
Case in point:
19
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:54,021
(phone rings)
20
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,022
Hello.
21
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,690
Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
22
00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,761
Um, listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
23
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,432
Let's back up a little bit.
24
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,504
* We are young, we run green *
25
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,073
* Keep our teeth
nice and clean *
26
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,144
* See our friends,
see the sights... *
27
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,079
Sit. Good boys.
28
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,881
Okay, remember,
29
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,117
stay out of the liquor cabinet.
30
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,418
I'll see you tonight.
31
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,021
And so the life
of a television reporter
32
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,490
is very rewarding,
33
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:32,360
and I strongly urge you
to consider it as a career.
34
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,695
Thank you.
35
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,631
Yeah?
36
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,633
Do you have a fiancé?
37
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,635
Marshall was here yesterday.
38
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,537
They just learned the word
"fiancée."
39
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,973
Oh, no, I don't have a fiancé.
40
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,541
Then who do you live with?
41
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,744
Well, actually,
I've got five dogs.
42
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,313
Don't you get lonely?
43
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,316
No, I've got five dogs.
44
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:58,452
My grandma has five cats
and she gets lonely.
45
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,120
Well, yeah, that's cats.
46
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,989
I'm not some pathetic cat lady.
47
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,591
Not that your grandmother is...
48
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,893
Does anyone else have a...?
49
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,529
Yes?
Are you a lesbian?
50
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:09,397
No. Are you?
51
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,031
Just because a woman
lives alone
52
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:11,932
doesn't mean
she's a les...
53
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,467
Okay, let's have
a big hand
54
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,703
for Robin
the reporter.
55
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,037
All right, our next guest
56
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,306
is another friend...
57
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,274
So, Robin, you ever
report on train wrecks?
58
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,342
'Cause I just saw one.
59
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,876
What up? Tiny five.
60
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,215
Ha-ha. Laugh now,
those kids are monsters.
61
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,982
They're going
to eat you alive.
62
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,051
He has a job doing...
63
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,486
What do you do?
64
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,322
(chuckles):
Please.
65
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,589
Kids, let's rap.
66
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,358
You guys don't give
half a brown Crayola
67
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,793
what I do for a living,
do you?
68
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,229
ALL:
No.
No, no.
69
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,631
I know what you want.
70
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:44,698
Magic.
71
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,134
(cheering)
72
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,269
Hello.
73
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,703
Why hasn't she called yet?
74
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,305
Okay, you're
making yourself crazy.
75
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,241
It's Saturday night.
Go out and do something.
76
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,942
What's the point of going out?
77
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,744
I got a girlfriend... for now.
78
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,280
Besides, if I go out,
who's going to watch the news?
79
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,481
I'm, like, half your viewership.
80
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,550
I'm flattered you think
we have two viewers.
81
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,520
And we're clear.
82
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,656
So, Scherbotsky,
got a boyfriend?
83
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,991
No, and why
does this keep
coming up today?
84
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,761
Oh, I just thought
that guy you were
on the phone with...
85
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,863
What? Oh, no, that was Ted.
He's just a friend.
86
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,799
I mean, there was this moment
where we almost dated,
87
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,569
but we want completely
different things.
88
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,671
Anyway, now he has
this girlfriend in Germany
89
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,539
and he thinks she's calling
to dump him tonight,
90
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,807
but I don't think she is.
91
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,377
And besides, we want
completely different things.
92
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,645
We should have sex.
93
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,713
What?
94
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:33,981
Why not?
95
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,250
We're both available,
we're both attractive,
96
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,351
we're both good at it.
97
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,752
At least, I'm good at it.
98
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,388
And even if you're not,
don't worry,
99
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,256
I'll have a good time
either way.
100
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,525
Well, moving past
the horrifying image
101
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,428
of your hair helmet
clanging against the headboard,
102
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,863
I don't get involved
with people I work with.
103
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,064
Get involved?
104
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,466
Who said get involved?
105
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,968
I'm just saying we should
have sex, it could be fun.
106
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:55,869
We're on in five.
107
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,771
Having sex is fun.
108
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,072
Home number.
109
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,341
Call me anytime.
110
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,410
A lot of local teens
in action tonight...
111
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,878
(sighs)
112
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,314
Hey, guys.
113
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,750
Miss me?
114
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,756
I missed you, too.
115
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:19,593
* Baby says *
116
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:23,931
* I can't come *
117
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,999
* With him *
118
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:36,377
* And I had read
all of this in his eyes *
119
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:43,484
* Long before he even said so *
120
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:46,387
* Why come? *
121
00:04:53,461 --> 00:05:00,033
* You know
I don't expect anything *
122
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,172
Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
123
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,543
Um, listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
124
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:13,414
* Anything... *
125
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:22,790
Ted?
126
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:23,957
Uh, yeah...
127
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,158
Uh, hi, I'm here.
128
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,260
Do you want to come over?
129
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,096
Why? What's up?
130
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,834
Well, um, I just finally
set up my new juicer
131
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,803
and I was going to make
some juice,
132
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:40,708
and I was, like, "You know
who likes juice? Ted."
133
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,643
I love juice.
134
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,480
Great. So you want to come over
and make juice?
135
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,450
When it's after 2:00 A.M.,
just go to sleep
136
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,652
because the decisions you make
after 2:00 A.M
137
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,754
are the wrong decisions.
138
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,289
Okay, sure. I'll come over.
139
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,125
We'll... juice.
140
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,460
Yes, we'll juice.
141
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,830
Okay.
Okay... bye.
142
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,698
Bye.
143
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,440
This is fine.
This is totally fine.
144
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,807
What's fine?
145
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,943
Oh, I'm, uh, going over
to this girl's house
146
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:16,944
to make some juice.
147
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,345
(chuckles)
148
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,680
Nice.
149
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,681
No, it's not like that.
150
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,583
We're juicing as friends.
151
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,184
See, I have this
girlfriend,
152
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,487
I would never cheat on her.
153
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,088
She lives in Germany.
154
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,324
See, she was supposed
to call me four hours ago
155
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,526
to have a serious talk.
156
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,327
I still haven't heard
from her.
157
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,563
I don't know.
158
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,098
Sorry to bug you
with my problems.
159
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:42,202
Guess cab drivers
are the new bartenders, huh?
160
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,671
You ain't kidding, kid.
161
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,707
Want a nip?
162
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,176
You can just let me out
right up here.
163
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,611
Where you going to, buddy?
164
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:54,114
Park Slope,
Eighth and Eighth.
165
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,717
Okay, here's where
I left off with the last guy.
166
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,285
See, I have a girlfriend,
167
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,521
but I'm going over
to this other girl's house...
168
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,789
And you're wondering
if I'd be upset.
169
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,824
(gasps)
Hi, Ted.
170
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,759
Remember me,
your girlfriend?
171
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,828
Okay, relax, Robin's
just a friend.
172
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,531
Right. You're going
to go make some juice.
173
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,600
Yes, yes!
Juice is perfectly harmless.
174
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,568
In fact, it's healthy.
175
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,069
Oh, yeah?
Then why are you wondering
176
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,505
what she looks like naked?
177
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,972
I am not won...
178
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,641
Okay, even if I am
wondering that,
179
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,610
it's only 'cause
you put it in my head.
180
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,512
Ah, but I'm just a manifestation
of your subconscious,
181
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,614
so actually,
you put it in your own head.
182
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,416
Damn it!
Nothing's going to happen.
183
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,417
Right.
184
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,519
Okay, okay.
185
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,453
You want a second opinion? Fine.
186
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,156
(phone rings)
187
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,491
Ooh.
188
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,560
Hey, did she call?
189
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,695
No. I need a ruling.
190
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,297
Um, I'm... Yeah, this is stupid.
191
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,866
It's not even a big deal,
192
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,301
but I'm on my way over
to Robin's right now.
193
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,570
She got a new juicer.
194
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,539
Whatever.
We're going to test it out.
195
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,574
Let me call you back.
196
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,782
Honey, there's a situation
developing.
197
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,884
Do you remember the huge
secret that you told me
198
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,653
that you weren't supposed
to but you did?
199
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,689
The thing... about Robin?
200
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,123
Oh, you mean how Robin's
in love with Ted?
201
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:10,924
BOTH:
What?
202
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,926
Yeah, she told me already.
Go on.
203
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,262
Wait. So I'm the only one
that she didn't tell?
204
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,230
She told you and not me?
205
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,033
Well, I guess I'm just better
friends with her than you are.
206
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,103
Well, I'm better friends
with Ted than you are.
207
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,672
That is a lie!
208
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,173
It is not a lie.
Okay, that's it!
You and me!
209
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,542
I'm not afraid
of you!
Oh, you think...
210
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,611
I'll show you things
you never seen before!
211
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,713
I used to box
in the Army!
212
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,114
(both yelling)
213
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,850
Come on, pick up.
214
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,552
Damn it, Victoria,
where are you?
215
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,053
Pick up, pick up!
216
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,054
Cupcake?
217
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,623
No, thanks.
218
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,257
Where are you?
Why haven't you called?
219
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,560
Oh, I'm out
hooking up...
220
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,862
Hmm.
with three other guys.
221
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,397
Or maybe
222
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:54,334
I'm a devoted girlfriend
and I'm calling you right now.
223
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,703
Yeah. Why do I doubt that?
224
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,270
(phone rings)
225
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,505
Hello.
226
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,107
Ted, I just saw the news
227
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:03,744
and a truck carrying sulfuric
acid overturned
228
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,946
right in front of Robin's house.
229
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,915
And it's melting through
the sidewalk.
230
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,650
You can see straight down
into hell. It's bad.
231
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,884
You should go home, dude.
232
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,319
Marshall, it's fine.
233
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,921
Nothing's going to happen.
234
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,356
Ted, what does your mom
always say?
235
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,925
Nothing good ever...
236
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,993
Nothing good ever happens
after 2:00 A.M.
237
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,962
Go home!
It's too late for juice.
238
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,797
Dude, Robin and I
are just friends.
239
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,432
She doesn't
even like me that way.
240
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,700
Yes, she does!
241
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,901
She likes you.
242
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:28,936
She told me.
243
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,403
What?
244
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,806
It's a big secret,
so don't tell her I told you,
245
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,375
but she's very vulnerable
right now
246
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,476
and you have a girlfriend.
247
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,378
Go home, Ted.
248
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,047
She-she likes me?
249
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,250
Yes. So you see why
it would be a very bad idea
250
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,484
for you to go up there.
251
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:47,020
Go home, Ted.
252
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,256
She likes me?
253
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,891
Go home, Ted.
254
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:56,730
Uh, you're right. I'll,
uh, I'll see you at home.
255
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,633
Good. He's going home.
256
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,468
He is so not going home.
257
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,603
I cannot believe
you just told him that.
258
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,672
What do you mean?
259
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,873
Lilly, here's what
you just said:
260
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,041
"Ted, whatever you do,
don't go up there.
261
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,811
There's a beautiful girl who
wants to have sex with you."
262
00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,847
"And then she's gonna make you
some delicious juice."
263
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,916
No, he's not going up there.
264
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,118
He has more sense than that.
265
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,888
I did have more sense
than that.
266
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,790
Keep the change.
Thanks.
Thanks.
267
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,859
But after 2:00 A.M,
my good sense was sound asleep.
268
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,710
So you're doing this?
269
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,144
You're going up there?
270
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,681
You want to get out of the way?
I'm not in the way.
271
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,984
You know, if you had
just called me, I...
272
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,291
Hi.
Hi.
273
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,260
Um, I got some vegetables.
274
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,428
I got carrots, I got beets.
275
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,595
Or we could
just drink wine.
276
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,564
Wine... not?
277
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,199
Well, that's the stupidest thing
I've ever said.
278
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,370
Make it a big glass.
279
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,705
Sure.
280
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,841
So, how's it hanging?
281
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,110
Have you
ever had
282
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,412
one of those days
where nothing at all
283
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,081
that monumental happens
284
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,383
but by the end
of it you have
285
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,118
no idea who
you are anymore
286
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,054
or what the hell
you're doing with your life?
287
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,356
Do you ever have
one of those days?
288
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,824
Uh, about once a week.
289
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,394
I don't know,
it was just a, a rough day
290
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,931
and the only person I wanted
to see at the end of it was you.
291
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,401
So...
292
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,237
um... how was the big phone
call with your girlfriend?
293
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,640
When the clock strikes 2:00,
just go to sleep.
294
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,477
We broke up.
295
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,012
What?
296
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,514
Yeah. Yeah, she finally called.
297
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,016
We talked for a while...
298
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:59,686
how hard long distance is...
and then... she dumped me.
299
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,422
Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry.
300
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,124
That's just terrible.
301
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,626
I feel awful.
302
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,261
You're smiling.
303
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,097
Am I? No I'm not.
304
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,532
I'm a news anchor.
305
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:13,767
Smiling's a part of the job.
306
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,104
Thousands died in a tragic
avalanche today.
307
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,338
See?
308
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,375
You're smiling, too.
309
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,245
Yeah.
310
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,215
I have no idea
what that's all about.
311
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,955
* There's got to be
a morning after... *
312
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,324
How much does
Korean Elvis rock?
313
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,658
I'll answer that.
314
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,293
Infinity.
315
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,361
He rocks...
316
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,530
infinity.
317
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,665
Okay, it's
time for bed.
318
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,868
What? No. It's 2:30.
319
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,670
Nothing good ever
happens after 2:00 a.m.
320
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,206
You know, I have found,
in my travels...
321
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,510
that all the best things
in life happen after 2:00 a.m.
322
00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,347
When I look back at the
best stories of my life...
323
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,949
the Liberty Bell incident,
324
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,451
the little scrape I got in
at the Russian Embassy,
325
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,886
the almost four-way.
326
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:06,887
You never had
a four-way.
327
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:07,921
I said "almost."
328
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,656
All those things
329
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,491
happened after 2:00 a.m.
330
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,060
because after 2:00 a.m.
331
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,562
is when things get...
audience, say it with me...
332
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,364
legendary.
333
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,266
We're going home.
334
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:20,567
What's that?
335
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,070
Interesting theory, Barney,
but I'll need some proof? Okay.
336
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,806
Korean Elvis.
337
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,775
How would you like
338
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,610
to have a drink
with me and my friends?
339
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,513
Rock 'n' roll.
340
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,548
And it begins.
341
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,586
So, um... Hey.
342
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,288
I got a new phone.
343
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,722
Same as yours. Look.
344
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,257
Oh, yeah. Do you like it?
345
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,058
Yeah. Yeah.
346
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,795
This is some solid small talk.
347
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:49,729
(both laughing)
348
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,364
I had that
other phone,
349
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,101
and it was good,
but I think the whole time
350
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,970
a little part of me
wanted this phone instead.
351
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,438
This phone...
352
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,507
um...
353
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:01,909
feels right.
354
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:02,910
(phone ringing)
355
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,912
Wow. Weird.
356
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:08,315
Yeah. Uh, I should
probably take this.
357
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,917
I'll be here.
358
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,057
Hello.
359
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,758
Ted, this is your main man, K.E.
360
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,493
I want you to shake
your tail feathers
361
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,329
down here ASAP, you dig?
362
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,131
Sorry about that.
363
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,899
Was that Korean Elvis?
364
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,035
I'll explain later.
Hey, we're headed
down to MacLaren's.
365
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,537
Um... Actually...
366
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,805
I'm at Robin's.
367
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,741
Yeah, and, um...
368
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,643
I might have done something bad.
369
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:40,380
I just lied and told her
I broke up with Victoria.
370
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:44,051
Ted, I don't want to swear
in front of Korean Elvis,
371
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,453
but what the bleep are
you doing, dude?
372
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,522
What do you expect from me?
It's Robin.
373
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,824
Victoria's great,
but, it's Robin.
374
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,126
I've made up my mind.
375
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,661
I'm going to end it
with Victoria.
376
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:55,929
Gonna?
377
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,564
Yes. First thing tomorrow.
378
00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:02,702
Okay, but, but, as of right now
at-at... 2:45 a.m.
379
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,037
you still have a girlfriend.
380
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,639
Ted, I love you.
381
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,208
I love Robin.
382
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,676
But if you do this right now,
383
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,946
your entire future with her
will be built on a crime.
384
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,047
Just go home, Ted.
385
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,183
Don't do this the wrong way.
386
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,385
I hate how you're always right.
387
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,553
It's my best
and most annoying trait.
388
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,423
Okay.
389
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,126
I'm coming home.
I'll see you soon.
390
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,131
Hey.
391
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,665
Hey.
392
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,907
I should probably get going.
393
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,109
It's pretty late.
394
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,012
I'm sorry. I...
395
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,713
Oh. Oh, no. I understand.
396
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,281
It's fine. Yeah.
397
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,452
Can I call you tomorrow?
398
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,586
Totally. Totally.
399
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:54,721
Call me tomorrow.
400
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,123
Okay. Good night, Robin.
401
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,957
Good night, Ted.
402
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,759
Oh, my God.
403
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,594
We're making out.
404
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,330
Right.
Right? Right?
This is crazy.
405
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,534
Should we go to my room?
406
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,603
I mean, there's five
dogs in there, but...
407
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,837
Yeah.
Yeah?
408
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,107
Yeah.
409
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,244
I just, um... I have
410
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,513
to run to the bathroom
real quick.
411
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,083
Okay.
412
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,962
(startled yelp)
413
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,231
Stop doing that.
414
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,832
Whatcha doin'?
415
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,934
I'm calling you.
416
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,103
We're breaking up.
417
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,337
I'm doing this right now,
418
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,206
I'm coming out of this
bathroom a single man.
419
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,774
Okay. Say, Ted...
420
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,211
how long do you think that
conversation's going to be?
421
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,545
Length of an average pee?
422
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:26,679
No. We're gonna
423
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,715
be on the phone
for at least 20 minutes.
424
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,217
Robin's out there.
She's gonna think
425
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,984
you're in here
taking a massive...
426
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,253
What do you want from me?
427
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,722
People break up. It happens.
428
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,557
Not like this.
429
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,459
Not from the bathroom
of the girl
430
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:40,827
that you're about to sleep with.
431
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:45,031
It's not ideal.
432
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,933
Meanwhile, back at the bar,
433
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,268
Barney was still
trying to prove
434
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:51,003
that good things can happen
after 2:00 a.m.
435
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,505
Come on, Lily.
436
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,074
How many women can say they've
been personally serenaded
437
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,443
by Korean Elvis?
438
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,011
* Love me tender,
love me true... *
439
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,548
I think he just
spat on me.
440
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,116
Barney, you tried,
I think that's great,
441
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,117
but we're going.
442
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,286
No! No, come on.
Yes!
443
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,920
Dude, we haven't
hit legendary yet.
444
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,189
We're only at the "le.
445
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,290
We still got the "gen."
446
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,325
The "da." The "ry."
447
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:15,395
Okay, if we're at the "le,"
then I say we follow it up
448
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,364
with a "t's go home."
449
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,699
Oh, wow, you
just got burned,
450
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,768
phonics style.
451
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,935
No, no, no, no, no.
452
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,837
Baby, baby, baby, don't go.
453
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,106
Just one dance, huh?
454
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,275
Okay, seriously.
455
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,643
Hey, I know what you like.
456
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,887
And so, Barney was right...
the night was legendary.
457
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,322
It would come to be known
458
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,558
as The Time Lily Kicked Korean
Elvis in the Nards.
459
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,059
Hey, you guys
remember the time
460
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:51,130
that Lily kicked Korean
Elvis in the Nards?
461
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,166
You're right.
462
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,835
I owe you a real breakup call.
463
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:56,769
I'll call you tomorrow.
464
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,004
Good.
465
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,539
So you're gonna go home?
466
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,475
Why should I have to go home?
467
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,777
You know, there's every chance
468
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,313
Robin's the woman
I'm going to marry.
469
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,014
Ted.
It could happen.
470
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,017
And so really, what's
it gonna matter in 50 years
471
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,852
if I jump the gun by one night?
472
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:16,723
Look, I-I know this
is a moral gray area, but...
473
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,157
It's Robin.
474
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,059
And I'm exhausted.
475
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,294
I am. I'm exhausted
476
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,962
from pretending
I'm not in love with her.
477
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,531
I think that makes this okay.
478
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,699
Oh, please.
You just want to get laid.
479
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,235
Yes, I do.
480
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,402
You got me.
481
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,204
That is exactly
what I want right now.
482
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,239
And so what?
483
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,740
I want this. She wants this.
484
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,908
It's happening, and if you have
a problem with it,
485
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,577
don't be in Germany.
486
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,712
It's been nice pretending
to talk to you
487
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,815
Thanks for not calling
me and good night.
488
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,952
That's not your phone.
489
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,822
This isn't my phone.
490
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,831
Okay. Bye.
491
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:02,101
I thought it was mine,
so I answered it.
492
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,836
Was it...?
493
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,672
It was your girlfriend.
494
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,574
You might want
to call her back.
495
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:23,523
* Sorry, baby, but it's getting
too much to take *
496
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,725
* I close my eyes *
497
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:30,530
* I know my heart's
about to break... *
498
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,866
I called Victoria from the cab
and we broke up.
499
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,605
And there you have it, kids.
500
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,574
The stupidest thing
I've ever done.
501
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,911
In one night I managed to hurt
two people I cared about.
502
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,679
And none of it
would have happened
503
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,416
if I had just listened
to my mom.
504
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:56,789
* Saying I'm sorry
till I'm blue in the face *
505
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,659
* Leaves me empty
with no love left... *
506
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:03,530
So I guess if there's a lesson
to be learned here, it's this.
507
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:07,467
When it's after 2:00 a.m.,
just go to sleep.
508
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:17,243
* Whoa, I promise to hold you *
509
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:22,615
* How does a promise *
510
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:27,620
* Ever grow old? *
34604
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