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1
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,918
TED:
Kids, when it comes to love,
the best relationships
2
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,020
are the ones
that just come naturally.
3
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,389
My first solo batch.
4
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,725
Um, I think those need to stay
in the oven a while longer.
5
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,494
Here's a professional tip.
6
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,263
If it's still runny,
it's not a cupcake.
7
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,764
It's a beverage.
8
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,434
TED:
Things with Victoria were fun,
and easy,
9
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,436
and uncomplicated.
10
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:38,539
It was pretty great.
11
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,046
Um, are you coloring
in your butt?
12
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,848
I have a big interview
coming up,
13
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,850
and my suit has holes in it.
14
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,353
I can't sew,
I don't own Navy boxers, so,
15
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,223
yeah, I'm coloring in my butt.
16
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,225
So wear another one.
I don't have another one.
17
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,392
I'm flat broke.
18
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,894
My only other suit options
are track or birthday.
19
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:04,532
Dude, you show up to
an interview in that,
20
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,699
even the hippie lawyers
21
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,102
from Granola Mountain
Earth Pals will hackey sack you
22
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,370
straight out the door.
23
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,972
Okay, it's the National Resource
Defense Council,
24
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,574
and it's my dream job.
25
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,110
Except it's only an internship,
and I won't be getting paid.
26
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,978
Mostly getting people coffee.
27
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,214
But the people
I'm getting coffee for...
28
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,450
their bosses are going
to save the world.
29
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,753
Okay, tomorrow...
oh, and I should mention
30
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,621
this is going
to rock your world...
31
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,089
tomorrow I'm taking you
32
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,958
to my personal tailor.
33
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,560
A tailor?
34
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,795
Barney, I make
negative $300 a week,
35
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,731
and I need every negative penny
of that for my wedding.
36
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,067
Relax, my guy does everything
for one third the cost.
37
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,170
And there is no way
you're getting married
38
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,505
in that sarcastic-
quotation-marks "suit."
39
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:48,142
Tomorrow, noon, my tailor.
40
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,312
No thanks, dude.
41
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,150
Noon?
Noon.
42
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,651
Okay.
See you then.
43
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:01,522
Hey, girls.
44
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:02,523
Hey.
Hey.
45
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,525
Hey. I'm on my
way to meet Ted.
46
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,593
It's our two
monthiversary, so we're
47
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,594
going out to dinner.
48
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,828
Great! Well, that answers
49
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,363
all the questions I didn't ask.
50
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,264
Robin!
51
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,533
Oh, come on.
We bust on each other.
52
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,635
We're just at that place
in our strong friendship.
53
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,804
Really? Oh.
54
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,306
Get off me.
55
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:19,973
Oh, see? I did it again.
56
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,575
(laughs)
57
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,945
What are you
guys up to? Oh,
dress shopping.
58
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,981
You know, I make wedding cakes
for a lot of fancy bridal shops.
59
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,817
If you want,
I could take you shopping,
60
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,052
maybe get you a discount.
Really? That'd be great.
61
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,354
Yeah.
(phone ringing)
62
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,522
Ooh.
63
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,624
Huh. I should
take this.
64
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,292
Hello.
65
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,527
Hey,
66
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,395
I thought it was going
to be just us tomorrow.
67
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,163
What's with inviting
Punky Brewster?
68
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:46,634
Robin, you've got to get over
this Ted and Victoria thing.
69
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,902
You had your chance,
and now he's moved on.
70
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,971
Can't you just be happy
for them?
71
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,741
The best I can give you
is a fake smile and dead eyes.
72
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:54,442
Sold.
73
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,514
Victoria, what's wrong?
74
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,550
I've just been offered
a fellowship
75
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,553
at a culinary institute
in Germany.
76
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,555
Wait. Germany, Europe?
77
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:08,722
It's for two years.
78
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,225
I figured I didn't have
much of a chance,
79
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,861
'cause they don't let
many Americans in, but...
80
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,062
I'm in.
81
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,064
So, this is the Europe Germany?
82
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,600
What other Germany
would it be?
83
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,101
The one in Epcot?
84
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,069
Ted.
85
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,671
Sorry.
86
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,773
Congratulations.
87
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,776
Thank you. I don't
know if I'm going to go.
88
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,745
Mm-hmm. And if-if you do,
what does that mean for us?
89
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,414
I don't know.
90
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,384
I just... I don't think
91
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,686
that long distance
really works for anyone.
92
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,953
Oh, God, no.
93
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,855
Long-distance is a lie
teenagers tell each other
94
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,724
to get laid
the summer before college.
95
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,561
So, that leaves
us with...
96
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,630
Either you stay here,
97
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,665
or we break up.
98
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,435
Wow.
99
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,438
Um, look, let's just see
how things progress,
100
00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,307
and if by September,
we still feel...
101
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,808
I have to
leave on Monday.
102
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,209
Monday, September the...?
103
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,110
Ted.
104
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,947
Do you have any thoughts?
105
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,149
Maybe we should each take
some time
106
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,452
to think about what we want.
107
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,621
We'll meet up tomorrow
to discuss it.
108
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,723
It's a date.
109
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,926
TED:
And that's
when things got complicated.
110
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,333
Hey, baby,
how's the dress place?
111
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,600
Everything's so
fluffy and white.
112
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,268
It's like shopping
in a marshmallow.
113
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,003
How's Barney's
tailor?
114
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,006
Um, everything here is dark
115
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,509
and sketchy and seems illegal.
116
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,511
It's like shopping
in Barney's mind.
117
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,279
Well, good
luck, baby.
118
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,548
Bye.
119
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,116
Hey, Barney,
120
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,518
I'm not sure about this.
121
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:47,287
A tailor in the back room
of a pet store?
122
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:50,824
Look, do you want
a quality suit and a
free rabbit or not?
123
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,960
(speaking
Ukrainian)
124
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,762
(speaking Ukrainian)
125
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:55,996
Okay.
126
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,665
Ted, Sergei says
stop moping around.
127
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,333
You're distracting
him from his process.
128
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,768
You speak Ukrainian?
129
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,869
Eh.
130
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,038
Guys, I'm kind of
screwed here.
131
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,507
I don't want to lose Victoria,
132
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,276
but I can't ask her to stay
just for me.
133
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,044
And long distance definitely
isn't an option.
134
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,380
No. No, no, no. No way.
135
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,515
You know who likes
long distance?
136
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,216
Girls. It's all talking
and no sex.
137
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,351
Kill me now.
138
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:20,454
Don't knock long-distance
relationships.
139
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,622
I really think they can work.
140
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,890
Really? You?
141
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:23,891
Absolutely.
142
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,826
I'm juggling
four right now.
143
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,529
There's Lisa in Madrid,
there's Erica in Tokyo,
144
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,531
there's Laura in Denmark,
145
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,467
and Kelly on 34th Street.
146
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,770
(Irish accent):
The lass thinks I'm a humble
sheep shearer from Killarney.
147
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,140
Ted, do you
remember in college
148
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,209
when Lily did that summer
art program in Paris?
149
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,479
Yeah.
Well, she kept talking about
this cheesy French guy, Gabriel.
150
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,348
So, I went out to visit,
and there was this party.
151
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,883
And who shows up
but Gabriel.
152
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,885
And he's got this
weak-ass, thin
French mustache.
153
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:55,322
I'm not much of a fighter,
but I knew I could take
154
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,090
this weird little dude.
155
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,592
So, I took him aside,
156
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,695
and I got all creepy quiet,
I got the crazy eyes going,
157
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,997
and I said,
158
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,601
"You stay away from
Lily, or I swear to God
159
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:12,205
I'll eat that mustache right
off of your ugly French face."
160
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,508
Yeah. No, he literally
ran away.
161
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,643
I think he was crying.
162
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,211
I never told Lily about it.
163
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,281
To be honest,
I'm not very proud of it.
164
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,016
To be even more honest,
165
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,618
I am.
166
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:27,588
Um, other than confirming a lot
of European stereotypes
167
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,790
about Americans, did that
little story have a point?
168
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:33,126
Yeah, the point is that even
though Lily is my soul mate,
169
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,195
long distance still
almost killed us.
170
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,030
If you think that
there's any chance
171
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,466
that Victoria
is your soul mate,
172
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,434
you should ask her to stay.
173
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:41,735
Well, I don't know if she is.
174
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,437
It's still too early,
but yeah, she could be.
175
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,439
Oh, please. You
barely know this girl.
176
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,406
What's her favorite color?
177
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,642
Is she a cat person
or a dog person?
178
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,744
Is she open
to a three-way?
179
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,547
Ted, I do more research than
this before buying a cell phone.
180
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,950
And FYI, yes, I have
three-way calling.
181
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,986
Look, she can't be a cat person.
182
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,455
I'm a dog person, I'm attracted
to other dog people.
183
00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:02,823
Are you sure?
184
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,593
All right.
185
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,794
(groans)
186
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,428
Hello.
Hey, random question.
187
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,230
How do you
feel about cats?
188
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,300
Cats. Hated the musical,
love the animal.
189
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,668
Good to know.
190
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,604
Um, okay.
Good-bye.
191
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,007
She's a cat person.
192
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,209
I don't know this girl at all.
193
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,579
Oh, excellent.
We'll take this one.
Yes. Mm-hmm.
194
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:26,747
Whoa. Hey, hey,
it's my suit.
195
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,348
Shouldn't I be the one
to choose?
196
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,617
(laughs)
197
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,685
Here. Play with
this pin cushion.
198
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:32,786
Oh.
199
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,888
Okay.
200
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,127
God.
201
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,962
I'm going to look hot.
202
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,598
Marshall, I can't let you waste
a suit this nice
203
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,967
fighting a losing battle
for our planet's survival.
204
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,536
This is a suit for winners.
205
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,138
I am getting you an
interview at my office.
206
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,440
We need good men like you
in our legal department.
207
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,543
We get sued a lot.
208
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,944
No way.
209
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,112
The Kid does not sell out.
210
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148
Oh, come on, dude! Three
months working with me,
211
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,383
you'll make more than
Lily makes in a year.
212
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,987
No. I've made my decision.
213
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,321
So have I.
214
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,691
If I ask this girl
to give up her dreams for me,
215
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,526
and two weeks later,
it's not working out,
216
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,128
I'm, like, the biggest jerk
of all time.
217
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,865
It's just too much pressure
on a new relationship.
218
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,600
I'm going to tell her to go.
219
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,538
And so I met her that night
to tell her my decision.
220
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,575
All right, I've
been thinking a
lot about this...
221
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,309
Okay, before you say anything,
222
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,745
I wanted to give you...
223
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,280
this.
224
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,650
This is what happens
when you, you know,
225
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,551
let them finish baking.
226
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,119
(laughs)
227
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,227
I want you to stay.
228
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,402
Everything here is dark
229
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,605
and sketchy
and seems illegal.
230
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,006
It's like shopping
in Barney's mind.
231
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,373
Oh, good luck, baby.
232
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,541
Bye.
233
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,545
Now, what sort of dress
did you have in mind, dear?
234
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,781
Nothing too
huge or-or poofy.
235
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,449
I'm not really
a girlie girl.
236
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,285
But I would like to look
like a beautiful princess.
237
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,221
I saw a couple up
front that were nice.
238
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:14,888
By the window?
239
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:15,555
Mm.
240
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,024
No offense, dear,
241
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,327
but those are a little
out of your price range.
242
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,696
Where does she get off?
243
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,032
She doesn't know
how much money I make.
244
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,233
Oh, these women are experts.
245
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,735
They can guess
your net annual income
246
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,236
just by looking
at your underwear.
247
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:33,573
Damn you Old Navy and your
reasonably-priced three-packs!
248
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,743
At least we get free champagne!
249
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:36,810
And cake.
Mm-hmm.
250
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:37,811
Speaking of which,
251
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,213
Victoria, have you
decided what to do
252
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,715
about your doughnut
fellowship?
253
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:44,417
You know, I don't know.
I mean, I want to go,
254
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,319
but I don't want
to lose Ted.
255
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,288
I even thought
about long distance, as if
256
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,289
that ever works.
257
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,490
Ugh. All talking and no sex.
258
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,825
Kill me now.
259
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:54,061
I know it sounds lame,
260
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,097
but I actually think
that Ted might be The One.
261
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,331
That's pretty hard
262
00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,599
to walk away from.
263
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,134
Well, I don't know.
264
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,771
I'd feel a little Stepford
turning down a huge opportunity
265
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,273
to chase some guy
I'd only known two months.
266
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,075
But this isn't just some guy.
267
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,143
This is Ted.
268
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,444
He's amazing.
269
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,113
He's the best guy I know.
270
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,116
Yeah, in America,
but German guys? Whew!
271
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,485
I would let them bread
my schnitzel any day,
272
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,987
if you know what I mean.
273
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,521
I really don't...
274
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,090
Sex.
275
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,292
Oh, excuse me, ma'am.
276
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,626
This bastard's kicked.
277
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,495
Thanks.
278
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,597
Oh!
279
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,965
Oh!
280
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,500
It's okay, guys, I hate it.
281
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,268
Just horrible.
It's bad, it's really bad.
282
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,470
Short in front,
long in the back?
283
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,673
That is the mullet
of wedding dresses.
284
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:42,042
You know, Victoria,
285
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,177
Marshall and I did
long distance once.
286
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,979
In college, I did
287
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,647
an art course in Paris.
288
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,549
I was the only American there.
289
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,051
It was really lonely.
290
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,686
I only had
one friend,
291
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,121
Gabrielle.
292
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,189
She was kind of homely
and strange-looking,
293
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,891
and she was really
self-conscious
294
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,860
about this little mustache
she had.
295
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,394
Anyway,
296
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,997
halfway through the semester,
she just stopped talking to me,
297
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,766
and I never figured out why.
298
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,535
And then I had nobody.
299
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,570
The only thing
that got me through
300
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,774
was knowing that my soul mate
was back at home waiting for me.
301
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,543
If Ted's your soul mate, then
302
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,812
it may be worth it
to hang onto him.
303
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,148
But how am I supposed to know
if we're soul mates?
304
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,916
It's too soon.
(phone rings)
305
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,484
Ooh. Speak of the devil.
306
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,552
Hello.
307
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:26,686
Hey, random question.
308
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:27,721
How do you feel
about cats?
309
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,090
Cats. Hated the musical,
love the animal.
310
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,558
A cat person.
311
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,193
Why am I not surprised?
312
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,429
Bye.
313
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,766
Why does Ted want to know
if I like cats?
314
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,233
Maybe he's going
to buy you one.
315
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,602
I did hear barking
in the background.
316
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,537
Maybe he was in a pet store.
317
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,907
Does he want us
to get a cat together?
318
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,909
Maybe he's using
an adorable kitty
319
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,177
to guilt you into staying.
320
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,344
(gasps)
321
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,046
That is low.
322
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,115
Do you really think
that's what he's doing?
323
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,516
Oh, I wouldn't even
wait to find out.
324
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,786
I would be on the
next plane to Germany.
325
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,554
BOTH:
Aw.
326
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,356
Oh, God,
327
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,925
you guys are sucky liars.
328
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,360
Ugly, ugly, ugly.
I don't know
what to say.
329
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,462
You know what?
330
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,864
We're doing this
all wrong.
331
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,066
I am going to get you
one of those
332
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,235
front window dresses,
just for fun.
333
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,773
Are you okay?
334
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:20,740
I'm fine.
335
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:21,741
Okay.
336
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,743
Just kind of seemed
like you're trying
337
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,779
to hustle Victoria
out of the country.
338
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,747
I'm not, I'm just trying
to support her.
339
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:31,051
She got a super-important
dessert scholarship.
340
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,119
Stop being sarcastic.
341
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,822
It is a super-important
dessert scholarship.
342
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,657
Wow, that's hard to say
without sounding sarcastic.
343
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,492
Look...
344
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,795
I know you're not
Victoria's biggest fan,
345
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,798
but she seems to make Ted happy.
346
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,166
So think about that
347
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,768
before you use your miles
to buy her a plane ticket.
348
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,770
Somebody say
349
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:51,771
"beautiful princess."
350
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:55,475
Oh, my gosh,
it's perfect! Oh!
351
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:58,411
This dress is totally going to
get me laid on my wedding night.
352
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,580
(laughing)
353
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,682
Oh, look how happy she is.
354
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,584
You know, I've always
thought of myself
355
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,786
as one of those
independent women
356
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,589
who would never let any
guy mess with my career.
357
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,825
And now I'm actually
thinking about it.
358
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:16,429
I feel guilty, like it's
un-feminist or something.
359
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,966
I know what you mean.
360
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,767
You do?
361
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,804
Well, I'm always putting
my career
362
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:28,641
ahead of my relationships,
and... to be honest,
363
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,111
there's a lot of lonely nights
in that job description.
364
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,113
See, that's what
I'm afraid of.
365
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:38,151
Choosing Ted over your career
doesn't make you un-feminist.
366
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,388
Maybe it just means
that you guys
367
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,123
would be happy together.
368
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,825
Robin...
369
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:49,729
I think that you
are the coolest.
370
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,797
(chuckles)
371
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,465
I'm so glad that we're friends.
372
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,467
Oh, no way... you're the coolest.
373
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,668
No, you are.
374
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,871
Okay, I am.
375
00:13:57,905 --> 00:14:00,173
(both laugh)
376
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,677
I'm going to stay.
377
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,748
BOTH:
Aw.
378
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,387
Oh, I am so beautiful!
379
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,023
Oh, don't tell me
how much it costs.
380
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,758
Just snap my neck now,
so I can die this pretty.
381
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:22,729
Wow, you look
incredible.
382
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:23,931
Okay, okay, how much is it,
383
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,865
on a scale of never
to never ever?
384
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,768
Never ever, ever,
ever, ever...
385
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,403
times infinity.
386
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,439
(groans)
387
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,774
(sighs)
Well, it's okay.
388
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,710
You know,
what makes a bride beautiful
389
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:41,081
is that she's just happy
to be getting married.
390
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:48,255
Oh, guys, I know I look amazing,
but the important thing
391
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,590
is that Marshall
and I love each other, right?
392
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,393
Yes, you're right.
393
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:57,297
But also... you just
sat down in the cake.
394
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,767
(gasps)
But, you
know what?
395
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,868
It's going
to come out
396
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,637
because it's only...
chocolate and raspberry.
397
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:05,705
ROBIN:
Okay.
398
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,108
Come on, get up,
let us see how bad it is.
399
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,910
(ripping)
400
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,286
It was like this
when I found it?
401
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,254
And how will you be paying
for this?
402
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,556
(sighs)
403
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:27,327
Credit card... s.
404
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,831
I wanted to give you...
405
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,700
this.
406
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,136
This is what happens when you...
407
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,406
you know,
let them finish baking.
408
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,308
(both chuckle)
409
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,547
I want you to stay.
410
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,120
I have to go to Germany.
411
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,862
You're going?
Yes. I have to.
412
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,331
So that's what you decided?
413
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,266
Well, no... I mean,
I actually came here tonight
414
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,868
leaning toward staying, but
when you just told me to stay,
415
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,870
it made me realize
that I have to go.
416
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,705
What is this,
opposite day or something?
417
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,175
No.
So it is?
418
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,443
(chuckles)
419
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,511
Ted, we've only been dating
for two months.
420
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,214
I can't let you
make this decision for me.
421
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:22,982
I was totally going
to tell you to go,
422
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,351
but then you gave me
this cupcake,
423
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,019
and it reminded me
how great you are.
424
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,354
Well, is there any chance
425
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,122
that you would move
to Germany with me?
426
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,324
Well, that's just crazy.
427
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:32,792
Oh, okay.
428
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,128
So it's fine for me to make
sacrifices for you,
429
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,563
but for you it's crazy.
430
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,731
But you have a job here and a
life; I'd have nothing there.
431
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,434
You'd have me.
We've only been dating
two months.
432
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,404
Oh, it's not fair.
433
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,239
It's not fair
that we have to break up.
434
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:49,042
I hate this.
435
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:53,513
So... we're breaking up?
436
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:57,617
I guess so.
437
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,621
I guess so.
438
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,925
God, that sucks, man.
439
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,228
I'm so sorry.
440
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,929
It was just too much
pressure too soon.
441
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,364
I mean, maybe
it was silly
442
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,533
to even think...
443
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,603
Yes, Marshall, I see
your new suit, and it's awesome.
444
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,171
Well, thank you
for acknowledging it.
445
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,406
It was weird that you hadn't.
446
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,940
Look, I understand
447
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,943
that you guys had to break up
eventually, but why today?
448
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:24,944
She's leaving tomorrow.
449
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:25,945
Yeah, but she's still in town.
450
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:29,182
Yeah, she...
she's still in town.
451
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,784
Yeah, so you spend one more
amazing day together.
452
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,020
Ted, think about it this way:
453
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,423
if you knew that you were going
to lose your leg tomorrow,
454
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,691
would you sit on the couch
and cry about it,
455
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,529
or would you run, and jump,
and do some awesome air kicks
456
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,930
while you still could?
457
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,866
(sighs)
458
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,137
Awesome air kicks, huh?
459
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,971
New pajama bottoms?
460
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,541
You know it.
461
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,975
So we can sit
around and cry,
462
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,645
or we can run, and
do awesome air kicks
463
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,113
before our leg
gets chopped off.
464
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:02,482
Wait, so we're
sharing the leg?
465
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,651
No, the leg
is a metaphor.
466
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,587
How could the leg be well enough
to do awesome air kicks one day,
467
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,390
and yet still so sick it needs
to be chopped off the next?
468
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,959
(laughs)
469
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,827
I don't know, Ted.
470
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,663
Come on, we've
had a good run.
471
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,664
Why end on a fight?
472
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,799
Well, what would you
want to do?
473
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,602
Let's do all the stuff
we talked about doing
and never got around to.
474
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,603
Like go to the Met.
475
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,004
Yeah, we'll walk across
the Brooklyn Bridge.
476
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,573
See some monkeys
at the zoo?
477
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,141
Go to that French-Vietnamese
place we keep passing
478
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,409
and say we want to try?
479
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,578
Wow! We better get going.
480
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,846
Yeah, big day.
Yeah.
481
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,515
TED:
And, kids,
482
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,185
that's exactly what we did
with our last day.
483
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:41,321
The museum, the bridge,
the restaurant,
484
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,524
and all of those nice things.
485
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,426
Lily, you have
to tell him.
486
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,660
That dress cost a fortune.
487
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,596
No, I'm just gonna wait
for the next time
488
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,997
Marshall really screws up,
489
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,532
and then, I'll just
slip this in,
490
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,601
and it won't seem
so bad by comparison.
491
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,436
Well, here's hoping
he cheats on you.
492
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,038
Yeah, but only, like,
second base.
493
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,943
Look at us: two
guys in suits.
494
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,345
You feel that
slight tingle?
495
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,647
That's every girl in
the bar wanting you,
496
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,816
and every guy
wanting to be you.
497
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,718
Actually,
it's mostly me,
498
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,986
but you're getting
some of the splash.
499
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,822
(grunts)
500
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,690
Hey, babe.
501
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,126
Dollar beer night, so I splurged
and got us each our own.
502
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,728
BARNEY:
So, have you
503
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,163
thought more about coming
to work for Barney Corp?
504
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:27,166
Oh, please... your company
is not called Barney Corp.
505
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,468
Yet.
506
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,902
Oh, I almost
forgot.
507
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,405
Sergei sent me your bill.
508
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:37,310
B... Barney, this says $4,000.
509
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,646
I thought you said
that it was one-third price.
510
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,314
Yeah, must be a $12,000 suit.
511
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,516
Oh, well, guess you'll
have to come work at my company.
512
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,419
You set this up!
513
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:47,920
You set this
whole thing up!
514
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:52,191
I most certainly did...
515
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,660
Well, it won't work.
516
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,528
Even if I have to get
two extra night jobs,
517
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,330
I'll pay your precious tailor.
518
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,698
I'm not selling my soul.
519
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,335
Baby, I know that this
will make things harder,
520
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,271
but I will make
it work, I promise.
521
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:07,073
I destroyed an $8,000
wedding dress.
522
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,577
What time is the interview?
523
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,679
9:00 a.m., and you'll need
new shoes.
524
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,281
Don't worry, I know a guy.
525
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,219
Well, I'm glad we
got to spent the day
526
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,788
doing awesome
air kicks.
527
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,591
Yeah, I was almost too tired
for all the sex.
528
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:28,395
(laughs)
529
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,229
I'm going to
miss you so much.
530
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,464
I'm going to
miss you, too.
531
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,708
Hey, you know, I mean,
if, when I get back,
532
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,610
we're still
single, we can...
533
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,244
Even if we're not.
534
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,146
(laughs)
535
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,216
Okay.
536
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,520
*
537
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,667
Look, I know it never works
for anyone, but...
538
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,303
...do you want to try
long distance?
539
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:12,672
Yes. Yes!
540
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,508
*
541
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,776
We can beat the odds.
542
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,478
Odds, schmodds.
543
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:19,679
It's gonna work.
544
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,781
We're going
to make it work... it'll work.
545
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:27,754
Long-distance was
and is a terrible idea,
546
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:32,392
just awful.
38249
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