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1
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,649
When you meet someone special,
2
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,818
suddenly life is
full of firsts.
3
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,687
The first kiss.
4
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,689
The first night together.
5
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,357
The first weekend together.
6
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,726
For me,
all those firsts happened
7
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,196
within 48 hours
of meeting Victoria.
8
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:31,665
They have to come out
soon, it's Monday.
9
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,468
Do you think they've been
in there the whole time?
10
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,371
I don't know whether to be
proud or concerned.
11
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,407
Maybe they're not
even in there.
12
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,512
Good morning.
Hey, guys.
13
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,514
I'm just going
to ignore that.
14
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,581
Thank you!
15
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:48,682
I wish you could stay.
16
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:49,883
I know, me, too.
17
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:52,553
But I have to go to work,
and you have that meeting.
18
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,487
Call you afterwards?
19
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,656
I'll inappropriately
text you during.
20
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,025
VICTORIA:
Bye.
21
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,227
Bye.
22
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,861
Bye.
Oh, Victoria,
you're here...
23
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:01,829
Toot-a-loo!
24
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,864
Bye.
25
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,633
Two days straight?!
26
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,369
Wow, your room must smell
like a monkey cage!
27
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,104
Come on,
give us a number.
28
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,272
Lily guessed eight,
29
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,806
but I know my boy got
to double digits.
30
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,108
Zero.
31
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,109
What?
What?
32
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,377
Guys, we just met.
33
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,045
And we both screwed up
relationships in the past
34
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,347
by jumping in too quick,
35
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,481
so we talked about it,
36
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,150
and we decided
to take this one slow.
37
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,717
Her idea.
Totally her idea!
38
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,754
But, I don't know,
I'm really into this girl,
39
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,922
and if going slow is what
it takes to make this happen,
40
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,090
I say bring it on.
41
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,196
I don't feel so good.
42
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,898
It's like my testicles
mixed pop rocks and soda.
43
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,334
I can't believe she's making you
wait a whole month.
44
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,769
I would never
put up with that.
45
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,804
You've only had sex with
one girl in your whole life.
46
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,473
Burn!
47
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,675
Ted, the only reason
to wait a month for sex
48
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,544
is if the girl is
17 years, 11 months old.
49
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,146
ROBIN:
Good news: I don't
have to cover
50
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,281
the cat show tomorrow night.
51
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,715
Who's up for hanging out?
52
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,284
Oh, I can't,
I'm taking Victoria
out for dinner.
53
00:01:56,350 --> 00:02:00,188
No, no, we can't, it's
our nine-year anniversary.
54
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,522
Wow, nine years?
55
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:04,024
Your relationship's
a fourth grader.
56
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:04,992
Congrats.
57
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,494
Thanks.
58
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,829
We're going to the Berkshires
for the maple syrup harvest.
59
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,631
MARSHALL:
It's one of New York Magazine's
60
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,267
"Top five romantic
getaways on a budget."
61
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,135
Who says sexual
can't be sensible?
62
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,739
Well, looks like it's going
to be just you and me.
63
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,107
Really?
64
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,677
Actually, I was talking
to my martini.
65
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,213
(laughter)
66
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:28,916
Ready to go?
Hell, yeah.
67
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,652
Nothing better than a weekend
at a good bed and breakfast.
68
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,588
Yeah. Waking up for breakfast
at 7:00 A.M.
69
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,956
Sharp.
70
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,325
Complimenting the odors
71
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,860
and their collection
of needle-point geese.
72
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,962
Awkward conversations
with middle-aged couples
73
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,232
trying to stave off divorce.
74
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,468
Yeah, well,
we'd better get going,
75
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,036
it's like a four-hour drive.
76
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:52,373
And it's supposed
to rain tonight.
77
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,343
Or we could just stay home.
78
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,677
Maybe watch some TV.
79
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:57,811
Order in some Chinese.
80
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,247
Oh, Sichuan Garden!
81
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:00,714
Are we really bailing?
82
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:01,482
Hell, yeah.
83
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,550
Good, cause this
thing's empty.
84
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,725
Hundred dollars says
when you turn around,
85
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,193
I say "wow."
86
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,063
Barney, this is
the third time
87
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,331
you've hit on me
by accident.
88
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,533
It's one of the many risks
of the blind approach.
89
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,402
It's usually
a two-man operation
90
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,504
where Ted signals
that the target is hot.
91
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,507
But Ted's too busy being
in a lesbian relationship.
92
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:29,209
Why don't you just check out
the girl's reflection
93
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,210
in the bar mirror?
94
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,379
You can't just...
95
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,814
Wow!
96
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:34,982
WOMAN:
Hey?
97
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,016
What's taking so long?
98
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,251
I have to go.
99
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,520
Not so fast, Scherbotsky.
100
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,955
I like the way you think.
101
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,291
That mirror thing.
102
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:46,294
Simple. Elegant.
103
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,362
Okay, limited-time offer:
104
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,064
I need a "bro" for
my bro-ings on about town.
105
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,634
How would you
like to be said bro?
106
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,503
Well, as tempting
as that sounds,
107
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,904
I'm hanging out
with my friend
108
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:57,705
who just got dumped.
109
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,474
She really needs
some support...
110
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:04,011
or a stranger's
tongue down her throat.
111
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,946
That seems healthy.
112
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:07,881
All right.
113
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:08,982
Guess I'm in.
114
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,153
So...
115
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,923
one more week
and it'll be a month.
116
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,358
Really? Are you sure?
117
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:20,127
Wow, that snuck up on me.
118
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,495
Oh, come on.
119
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,264
The 18th can't get here
fast enough.
120
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,599
Wait, the 18th?
121
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,134
Oh, crap!
122
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,336
I can't believe I forgot this...
123
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,003
I'm going to be out of town
on the 18th!
124
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,105
Oh.
125
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,375
Well, um, we can just...
126
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,709
wait until you get back.
127
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,245
I mean, the whole point was
not to rush into this.
128
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,347
Yeah.
129
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,781
Or we could do it tonight.
130
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,650
75th and Amsterdam.
131
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,092
I'm so glad we decided
to just stay home.
132
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,160
Oh, I know.
133
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,362
Can you imagine
if we'd gone?
134
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,563
We'd be just
getting there now,
135
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,697
all tired and cranky.
136
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:59,467
And yet we'd feel
obligated to have sex.
137
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,370
Yeah, for 89
bucks a night,
we're doing it.
138
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:08,776
I would like
to propose a toast.
139
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,645
To the most awesomely
mellow anniversary ever.
140
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:12,513
Ah...
141
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,650
(gargling)
142
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,757
I'm so glad you have to go
to your parents' next weekend.
143
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,759
I'm so glad your roommates
are out of town.
144
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,429
(whispering):
Oh, my God, what are
they doing home?
145
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,663
(whispering):
They think we went away.
146
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,603
Oh, it is on
for my boy, Ted.
147
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,839
But we didn't go away,
we're in the bathroom.
148
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,707
They don't know that.
149
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,809
All we have to do is
hide out in here
150
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,311
until Ted moves his mojo
into the bedroom.
151
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,080
But I don't want
to hide out in here.
152
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:50,384
Honey, Ted has been going out of
his mind waiting for this.
153
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,652
If we go out there
154
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,286
and spoil the mood,
it's not going to happen.
155
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,623
Then one of us is going
to have to have
sex with Ted,
156
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,957
and... (scoffs)...
not going to be me.
157
00:05:58,492 --> 00:05:59,527
Okay, fine.
158
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,562
(sighs)
159
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,130
I guess I'll actually floss.
160
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,972
You suited up!
161
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,041
Well, I figured
if I'm going to do this,
162
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,075
I'm going to do this right.
163
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,778
Emilio?
The woman will have...
164
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,514
I'll have a
Johnny Walker Blue, neat,
165
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,115
and a Montecristo No. 2
166
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,383
Thanks.
167
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:27,588
Ah, the No. 2,
a.k.a. "The Torpedo."
168
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:30,390
Or, as the rollers call it,
"Piramide."
169
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,527
My father was a cigar fanatic,
170
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,328
it was the only way
to get his attention.
171
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,431
Father issues.
172
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:38,966
Hot.
(laughs)
173
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:42,169
I know... I was this close
to being a huge slut.
174
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,905
Slut would have been better,
but I'll settle for bro.
175
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,974
Especially now that
Ted's with Victoria
176
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:47,875
and can't drink.
177
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,143
Because he's pregnant.
178
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,247
Cause he's the girl.
179
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,916
Oh, come on,
Ted can't be pregnant.
180
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,952
You need to have sex
to get pregnant.
181
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,554
What up!
182
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,889
Freeze frame high five!
183
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,529
I think this may be
a perfect moment.
184
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,765
I wish we could
hold onto it forever.
185
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,033
No.
186
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,536
Because the beauty
of a moment
187
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,804
is that it's fleeting.
188
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,806
By its very
nature, it...
189
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:22,510
slips through
our fingers...
190
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,612
making it that much
more precious.
191
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,582
Ugh, that is bad.
192
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:32,686
That is, like, high-school-
literary-magazine bad.
193
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,556
And they're not even high.
194
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,625
It's actually working.
195
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,160
Yeah, smooth but slowly.
196
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,595
God, close the deal, already.
197
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,730
It's been, like, 45 minutes...
198
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,965
we could have had sex
three times by now.
199
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,166
Yeah, try five.
200
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,167
What up!
201
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,904
Maybe we should
just go out there.
202
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,272
No way!
203
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,874
We can't go out there now,
204
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,609
they'll know that we've been
sitting in the bathroom
205
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,644
the whole time.
206
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,078
It'll be too weird.
207
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,247
Fine.
208
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,515
But if we're stuck in here...
209
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,551
I'm turning up
the volume.
210
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,118
Shh. Shh.
211
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,760
I want to know you.
212
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,696
Like, know your soul.
213
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:18,832
Ted, what makes
you cry?
214
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,736
Could you hold my hair back,
215
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,037
I think I'm going
to hurl.
216
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,107
So.
217
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,376
What do you and Ted usually do
after the cigar bar?
218
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,211
(laughing):
Are you kidding?
219
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:32,179
Ted's never been here.
220
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,413
You've already
221
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,282
flown higher and faster
than he ever did.
222
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,517
Still...
223
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:38,451
What?
224
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,287
Eh.
225
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,258
There is one other thing
we could do.
226
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,293
If you're up for it.
227
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,698
(laser beams chirping)
228
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,300
I had no idea laser tag
still existed!
229
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,268
Yeah, well, enjoy it
before it becomes cool again.
230
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,369
I give it two months.
231
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,705
Oh, I believe it...
this is awesome!
232
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,106
Okay, follow my lead,
stay low,
233
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,208
and never underestimate
a 12-year-old with a...
234
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,009
(laser beams chirping)
235
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,645
Scherbotsky,
you have to focus!
236
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,014
You just saved my life,
didn't you?
237
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,281
Thank me later.
238
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,583
Let's keep moving.
239
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,152
These little bastards
are everywhere.
240
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,721
(both shouting)
241
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,126
He's just staring into her eyes.
242
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,462
I don't know, we used to be
even more nauseatingly
243
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,032
into each other
than Ted and Victoria.
244
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,566
Now look at us.
245
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:27,701
Yeah...
246
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,170
now we just make fun
of people like that.
247
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,772
It's the circle of life.
248
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,241
No, I'm serious,
Marshall.
249
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,011
I mean, we couldn't even
get it up to go on our big trip.
250
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,048
And now we're celebrating our
anniversary stuck in a bathroom.
251
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:44,351
Well, it's not fair to compare
us to Ted and Victoria.
252
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,219
This is their first time.
253
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,756
Yeah, but we could still have
some more romance.
254
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,224
Now, you just say,
"Want to do it?"
255
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,125
And I say, "Yeah."
256
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,162
Want to...
257
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,597
No!
258
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,934
Maybe we're just out of firsts.
259
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,881
Looks like they're
about to have theirs.
260
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,454
Should we take this
to the bedroom?
261
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,389
(whispering):
Yes!
Yes!
262
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:24,658
Yes.
263
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,859
Yes!
Yes!
264
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,930
(cell phone ringing)
265
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:30,831
No.
266
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:31,732
No, don't answer it!
267
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,566
(cell phone ringing)
268
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,135
You can answer it.
269
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,369
We have all night.
270
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,404
You're answering it?
271
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,806
He's answering it!
No!
272
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,408
Do her!
Do her now!
273
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,542
Sure.
274
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:43,844
Good luck with that.
275
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,613
Sorry about that.
276
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,882
How about a little more wine?
277
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,684
I'll get another bottle.
278
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,385
Thank you.
279
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,022
I need a drink.
280
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,958
Do we have any
cough syrup in here?
281
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:58,992
Shh...
282
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,396
(driving rock music,
children yelling)
283
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,397
(screams)
284
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,133
(laser blasts)
285
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,634
Oh, God.
286
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,903
These brats have us
completely surrounded.
287
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,105
I counted nine, maybe ten.
288
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,607
I'll lay down some cover fire,
you make a run for it.
289
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,876
No. Leave no man behind.
290
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,078
Either we all get out
of here or no one does.
291
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,646
But I...
Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky.
292
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,882
See you on the other side.
293
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:28,221
(screaming)
294
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,992
(laser blasts)
295
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,727
Damn.
296
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,228
Want to go get a soft pretzel?
297
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,163
Yeah.
All right.
298
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:41,034
Marshall, what happened to us?
299
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:44,872
We used to just stare into each
other's eyes all night long.
300
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,307
Have we lost that?
301
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,143
Maybe.
302
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,483
But I think I just found it.
303
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,451
Right here.
304
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,823
Baby, I'm giving you
sexy smoldering
305
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,959
with just a hint of crazy eyes.
306
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,761
Oh.
307
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:12,432
Okay, well, get ready
for my sex-ray vision.
308
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,773
Did you remember
to pick up the dry cleaning?
309
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,374
Oh, damn it.
It's all right.
310
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,275
We can do this.
311
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,244
Let's just hold hands.
312
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,917
This is nice.
313
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,221
Oh.
314
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,688
You love that move.
315
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,557
It's a classic Marshall.
316
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,894
Great, we totally
suck at this.
317
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,763
We really, really need
to get out of here.
318
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:44,932
Well, we can't.
319
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,801
Baby, there's something
I have to do,
320
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,803
and if I do it in front of you,
321
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:53,140
it'll change the entire nature
of our relationship.
322
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,241
What is it?
323
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,509
I have to pee.
324
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,684
This is bad.
Yeah.
325
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,387
We've gone nine years without
peeing in front of each other.
326
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,858
You always think
there'll be more time.
327
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,960
Look at us.
328
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,095
We're basically
an old married couple,
329
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,396
and we're not even married yet.
330
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,566
The flame of our romance
is flickering,
331
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,936
and if I pee all over it,
it might go out forever.
332
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,205
How much longer do you think
you can hold it?
333
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,407
I drank a Big Gulp
of Mountain Dew
334
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,276
during that Quantum Leap
marathon.
335
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,412
Oh, boy.
336
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,350
Playing laser tag
really takes me back.
337
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,351
(chuckles)
338
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,553
You know what game
I really miss? Battleship.
339
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,355
I've never lost a game.
340
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,623
Neither have I.
341
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,624
Of course I cheat.
342
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,658
Oh, yeah, me, too.
343
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,726
The trick is to bend
344
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,061
the aircraft carrier
so it makes an L.
345
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,730
Ah. I always just stacked
the ships on top of each other.
346
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,032
Nice.
347
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,800
You know, we should have
a cheaters grudge match.
348
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,769
I think I still have a...
349
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,938
Hello. Target acquired.
350
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:58,972
Hottie by the jukebox.
351
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,740
BARNEY:
Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky.
352
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,842
I got someone for you.
353
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:03,911
Two o'clock, blue shirt.
354
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,680
That's a woman.
355
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,216
Oh, my mistake.
356
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,919
Or is it?
357
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,653
Let's just focus
on your target.
358
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,587
Right.
359
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,591
I got this one.
360
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:23,964
Oh, my God.
361
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,565
I love your jeans.
362
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,134
Okay.
363
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,501
Is this a lesbian bar?
364
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,237
Because that girl
with the blue shirt just...
365
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,171
Oh, no.
366
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,106
I am all about the dudes.
367
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:34,942
Although pickings
are pretty slim tonight.
368
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,277
Only hot guy here is
blondie in the suit,
369
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,645
and he's playing hard to get.
370
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,147
(woman giggles)
371
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,348
Really?
372
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,050
'Cause he's totally
vibing me right now.
373
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,884
(woman giggles)
374
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:47,955
Must be the jeans.
375
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,023
Well, jeans will only
get you so far.
376
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,658
I'm going home with him.
377
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,426
(laughs)
378
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,394
We'll see about that.
379
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,130
(gasps)
380
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,640
Oh, my God, I hate Ted.
381
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,509
I hate him so much.
382
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,478
Baby, why don't you just go?
383
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,581
Tons of other couples have
peed in front of each other.
384
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,915
No, but we haven't,
385
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,051
because I want to keep
some of the mystery alive.
386
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,520
Well, you have farted
in front of me.
387
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,756
Yes, but I always
cover it with a cough.
388
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:27,027
You always do.
389
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:33,700
Hey.
390
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,867
Hey.
Let's get out of here.
391
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,802
Let's go somewhere else.
392
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:36,869
What happened?
393
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,638
Eh, you sometimes like to do
394
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,573
a little catch and release.
395
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,741
But why?
396
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,311
Leave no man behind.
397
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,814
Either we all score
or no one scores.
398
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,449
Right on.
399
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,552
Hey, you want to go
play Battleship?
Hit!
400
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,803
Ted, I can't wait any longer.
401
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,005
Should we move to the bedroom?
402
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,074
There's no time for that.
403
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:19,279
They can suck on each other's
fingers for an hour,
404
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,314
but there's no time to take
two steps to the bedroom?
405
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,351
Baby, I can't hold it in
any longer.
406
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,418
It's time.
407
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,720
I know.
408
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,490
I love you, Marshall.
409
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,259
I love you, Lily.
410
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,666
There we go.
411
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,101
You know, Barney, I had
412
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,835
a surprisingly good time
bro-ing out tonight.
413
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,204
Well, you make a good bro.
414
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,406
(chuckles)
You're a better Ted than Ted.
415
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,840
Hey, in fact,
416
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,242
you have just earned yourself
417
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,477
an invite
to Marshall's bachelor party.
418
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,745
And you don't even have
to come out of the cake.
419
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,447
Thanks.
420
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,484
And, um, thanks
for sticking around tonight.
421
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,587
I hope you're ready
for some hard-core Battleship.
422
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:01,621
Come on, boys.
423
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,158
Hard-core?
424
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,361
That's the only way I play.
425
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,969
I found it.
426
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,338
Are you ready to...
427
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,006
What the hell are you doing?
428
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,210
I'm birthday suiting up.
429
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,545
I'm sorry, did you
want to undress me?
430
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,348
No! I thought we were just
hanging out as friends.
431
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,117
Oh, come on, you have been
432
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,884
throwing yourself at me
all night.
433
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,353
What?! I did the opposite!
434
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,821
I threw some other girl at you.
435
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,758
You invited me up to your
apartment to "play Battleship."
436
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,761
Is that not an internationally
recognized term for sex?
437
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:42,662
No.
438
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,099
Great.
439
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,067
I hope you're happy.
440
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,702
You sunk my battleship.
441
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,108
I'm okay.
442
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,276
You okay?
443
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,115
I feel the same.
444
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,551
And yet, strangely different.
445
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:09,055
I'm happy for my bladder,
yet sad for us.
446
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,425
You had to do it, sweetie...
447
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:13,893
for Ted.
448
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,162
And, hey, look, at least now
449
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,063
we can stay in here
as long as it takes.
450
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,331
Yeah.
451
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,368
I guess our relationship
had to take a hit
452
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,436
so a new one out there
could blossom.
453
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,040
(toilet flushes)
454
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,242
(whispers):
Oh, crap!
455
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,178
They must have heard that.
456
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,448
Well, I guess we can
come out now.
457
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,058
I don't believe it.
458
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,460
They're gone.
459
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,095
Good.
460
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,231
'Cause I got to take a whiz.
461
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,134
Okay, you and me,
462
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:56,503
that's insane.
463
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,371
If you even thought about it
for one second...
464
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,873
But I have thought about it,
and it makes a lot of sense.
465
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,276
We both think the marriage
commitment thing's a drag.
466
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,111
We both want something
casual and fun.
467
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,613
And we clearly
get along really well.
468
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,617
Wow, that actually did
make a lot of sense.
469
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,152
But what about Ted?
470
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,655
I checked with Ted.
471
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,724
Ted, so now that things with
you and Victoria are going
472
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,392
pretty well, I assume
you're over all the girls
473
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,727
you were into before, right?
474
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,330
I take your silence as a yes,
so say I were to hook up
475
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,131
with someone, say Robin,
you'd be cool with that, right?
476
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,098
(chuckles)
Sure.
477
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,133
Good luck with that.
Ha!
478
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,901
Totally gave us his blessing.
479
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:29,969
Really?
480
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,638
Really.
481
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:35,242
So Ted didn't care that you
wanted to make a move on me?
482
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,176
Didn't care at all.
483
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:43,816
Oh.
484
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,618
Oh...
485
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,553
What?
486
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,321
You like Ted.
487
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,589
I didn't say I liked Ted.
488
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,724
You like Ted.
489
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:52,692
Wow.
490
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,961
This is huge.
491
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,663
Barney, I don't like Ted.
492
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,631
He's moved on,
and I'm really happy for...
493
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,666
Yeah, yeah.
494
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,634
Look, are we gonna play
Battleship or what?
495
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:14,414
You're not gonna tell him,
are you?
496
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,283
No.
497
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,552
That's the bro code.
498
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,554
A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro
499
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,456
that a third bro
has a crush on him.
500
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,394
Just like the third bro
doesn't tell the mutual bro
501
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,762
that the original bro went
bare pickle in front of her.
502
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,899
It's quid pro bro.
503
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,901
(chuckles)
504
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:35,968
A-7.
505
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,571
Miss.
Of course.
506
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:41,741
Well, we still have
one frontier left.
507
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:44,210
Still got the deuce.
508
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,347
Not making me feel better.
509
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,919
Well, it certainly was a first.
510
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,356
It was, wasn't it?
511
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,358
We still have firsts.
512
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,393
Of course we do.
513
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,729
And you know what, I actually
feel closer to you now.
514
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:05,532
I want to know you.
515
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,936
Like, know your soul.
516
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:14,807
Marshall, what makes you cry?
517
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:19,946
This moment is fleeting
518
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,982
because it's being chased
by another moment.
519
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:26,619
Oh, just grab my boob already.
520
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,891
Come on, guys, get a room.
34918
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