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1
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,817
When you're single, and your
friends start to get married,
2
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,319
every wedding invitation
3
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,354
presents a strange moment
of self-evaluation:
4
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,456
"Will you be bringing a guest
5
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,991
or will you be
attending alone?"
6
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,993
What it's really asking is,
7
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,961
"Where do you see yourself
in three months?
8
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,098
"Sitting next to
your girlfriend
9
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,066
or hitting on a bridesmaid?"
10
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,001
I always checked
that I was bringing a guest.
11
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,204
I was an optimist.
12
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,474
Who the hell am I gonna
bring to this wedding?
13
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,343
Ted, have you ignored
all my teachings?
14
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,944
For the most
part, yeah.
15
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,879
No, you don't bring
a date to a wedding.
16
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,115
That's like bringing
a deer carcass
17
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,282
on a hunting trip.
18
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,884
Oh, Ted. Oh, Ted.
No... no date.
19
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,220
Deer carcass?
Really?
20
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,721
That's the metaphor
you're going with here?
21
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,423
Ted, it's a simile.
22
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,890
Well, it's
too late now.
23
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,259
If I don't
bring a date,
24
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,961
a $200 piece
of chicken/salmon
will go uneaten.
25
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:02,663
I got to bring
someone, but who?
26
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,532
Of course, I knew
who I wanted to bring.
27
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,768
Robin... the big unanswered
question in my life.
28
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,370
Problem was, she was dating
29
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,239
this really rich guy
named Derek.
30
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,573
(scoffs)
31
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,275
Derek.
32
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:17,245
Well, Derek and I just broke up.
33
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,579
LILY:
Oh, no,
that's terrible!
34
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,214
MARSHALL:
Oh...
Are you okay?
35
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,882
Yeah, do you need
a drink or something?
Nah...
36
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,251
We never
really clicked.
37
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,186
I felt bad, though.
He was pretty bummed.
38
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,487
Aw, don't beat
yourself up.
39
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,421
He'll be fine.
40
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,956
I mean, the guy's,
like, a billionaire.
41
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,090
He can put
his platinum card
42
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,259
on a fishing line
43
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,893
and reel in ten chicks
hotter than you.
44
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,563
Thanks. I feel
a lot better.
45
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,566
I think I'll get
that drink now.
46
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,168
Okay, guys,
47
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,835
I got to say something.
48
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,738
I think my feelings for Robin
may be resurfacing.
49
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:45,973
(laughing)
50
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,275
Oh, please...
51
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,277
they were buried
in a shallow grave.
52
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,744
MARSHALL:
Not again.
53
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,180
Come on.
Dude?
54
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:53,847
We all know
how this movie ends.
55
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:54,848
Ted falls in love,
56
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,717
love kicks Ted
in the sprouts,
57
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,186
roll credits.
58
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,488
No, you guys just have to look
at the whole picture.
59
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:01,689
Fact:
60
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,158
Robin was into me
when we first met.
61
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,459
Fact:
62
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,027
Even though she didn't
want a relationship,
63
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,129
we had an amazing kiss
on the roof.
64
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,398
Fact:
65
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,501
On New Year's Eve,
we kissed again.
66
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,235
Fact:
67
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,270
I need a date to this wedding.
68
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,206
Wish me luck.
69
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,975
What I don't get is
why is Claudia marrying Stuart?
70
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,644
She's way hotter than him.
71
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:24,778
How way?
72
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,680
Way way.
73
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,784
This wedding does sound
pretty amazing, though.
74
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:34,255
Fancy hotel ballroom,
everybody all dressed up...
75
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,989
Oh, here we go.
76
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,425
What?
We can't get
77
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,759
anywhere with our wedding plans
78
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,160
because I want it to be fun
79
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,595
and Marshall wants it
to be lame.
80
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,564
Oh, yeah. Okay, that's
a pretty fair assessment
81
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,233
of our two arguments.
I thought so.
82
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,400
MARSHALL:
You know what?
83
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,436
Excuse me if
I don't want to get married
84
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,338
barefoot in the woods
next to
85
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,872
Lake No-One's-Going-
To-Drive-That-Far.
86
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,207
Yes.
87
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,442
I want a ballroom,
88
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,611
and I want a band,
and I want shoes.
89
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,112
I've been dreaming
about this day
90
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,180
since I was, like...
91
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,482
A little girl?
92
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,650
(Barney laughs)
93
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,551
What up!
94
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,018
Okay. I'm just
saying that
95
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,521
it's my wedding, too,
and I should have
a say in it.
96
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,022
Yes, but I'm the bride,
so I win.
97
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,825
Well, I thought marriage
was about two equal partners
98
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:12,993
sharing a life together.
99
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,263
Right, but I'm the bride,
so I win.
100
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,332
I mean, seriously...
Claudia and Stuart?
101
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,333
I mean,
I've hooked up
102
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,034
with the odd lass
who was beneath
103
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,403
my level of attractiveness,
104
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,538
but, you know, I was drunk.
105
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,007
There's no way Claudia
has been drunk for three years.
106
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,476
TED:
You know,
107
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,077
I've always found
that the best way
108
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,379
to get over
a failed relationship
109
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,847
is to celebrate someone
else's successful one.
110
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,816
Oh, it makes sense.
111
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,618
So, with that in mind, uh,
112
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:38,886
our friends
Claudia and Stuart
113
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,154
are having this crazy
black-tie wedding on Saturday.
114
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,790
You want to be my plus one?
115
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,525
Ooh... "Plus one."
116
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,660
You make it sound
so romantic.
117
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,096
Fine.
118
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,598
You want to be my date?
119
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,166
Your date?
120
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,302
I'd love to.
121
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,770
How fancy are
we talking about here?
122
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,406
Oh, you're going to want
to bring your "A" game.
123
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,340
Oh, I'll bring it.
124
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,508
I'll bring it so hard,
125
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,909
the bride's going
to look like
126
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,411
a big white
bag of crap.
127
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,079
Lily?
128
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,080
I need a dress.
(gasps)
129
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,682
You're going?
That's awesome!
130
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,618
Oh, my God.
Four days to find a dress?
131
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,152
I know. It's a suicide mission.
132
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,354
Well, if we leave now...
133
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,289
we can still have
a fighting chance.
134
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:15,989
ROBIN:
Let's do it!
135
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,491
Bye, babe.
136
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,427
Whoa!
137
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,861
Did you see
how fired up she was?
138
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,029
I don't know,
139
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,063
there's something
there.
140
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,332
And, come Saturday,
a little music,
141
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,966
a little dancing,
a lot of champagne...
142
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,134
Who knows?
143
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,602
Wow. Ted, you're going
to have to find
144
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,937
another gender for yourself,
145
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,540
'cause I'm revoking
your "dude" membership.
146
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,775
Yeah... how was that
manicure yesterday?
147
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,678
Invigorating, thanks.
148
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,714
Okay, I wasn't going to say it
in front of the guys,
149
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:44,051
but back then I really thought
that's how it worked.
150
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:48,489
* *
151
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,624
You put yourself
and a girl you like
152
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,793
in some romantic setting...
153
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,662
* *
154
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,130
...the stars line up...
155
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,032
and shazam.
156
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,537
I know now that life
is never that simple.
157
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,639
Hey, Claudia!
Huh...
158
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,908
Yes, I want
Tahitian Vanilla!
159
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,377
You wrote it down wrong?
160
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,878
No, no, no, no,
listen to me...
161
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,179
if I go to my wedding
162
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,581
and the cake is not
Tahitian Vanilla,
163
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,715
I will come down there
164
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,417
and burn your little shop
to the ground!
165
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,218
Do you want to find out
if I'm kidding?
166
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,253
Yeah, good-bye.
167
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,922
Hey!
168
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,857
How's it going?
169
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,727
My wedding is in two days...
that's how it's going.
170
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,729
Oh, don't worry.
It's going to be great.
I'm so excited.
171
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,831
Well, you should be...
lots of single girls.
172
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,534
Oh, well, yeah, I'm...
bringing a date,
173
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,235
so I'll be
off the market.
174
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,837
What?
175
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:37,471
I'm bringing a date.
176
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,072
You're not bringing a date.
177
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,108
Uh... yes, I am.
178
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,776
Uh, no, you're not.
179
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,945
I checked "plus one."
No, you didn't.
180
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,615
Claudia,
I'm pretty
sure I checked...
181
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,982
Ted, you did not
check "plus one"!
182
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,952
You are not bringing
a date to my wedding!
183
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,326
But I already
invited someone.
184
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,628
You are not bringing
a guest, Ted!
185
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,497
The guest list has been
closed for months... months!
186
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:04,765
But I checked
"plus one"!
187
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,199
I always check
"plus one"!
188
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,135
You absolutely did not
check "plus one"!
If you had checked
189
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,471
"plus one," I would
have called you to get
the name of your guest,
190
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:13,607
so I could have the place cards
printed up. Did I call you to
get the name of your guest?
191
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,208
Is there a place card
with her name printed on it?
192
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:18,011
She doesn't need
a place card.
She knows her name.
193
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,648
What's she eating?! Huh?!
You ordered the chicken.
What did she order?
194
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,716
Do you see how your story
is full of holes?
195
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,953
Come on, Claudia.
We go way back.
196
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,588
Isn't there room for
just one more person?
197
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,990
Don't make me
hurt you, Ted.
198
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,125
I don't believe this!
199
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,527
Claudia's crazy!
200
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,029
But, to be fair,
she's also hot.
201
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,865
I totally checked "plus one."
I'm sure I did.
202
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:38,666
Yeah, right.
203
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,366
I did!
204
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,501
Yeah, I don't think you did.
205
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,535
You know why?
206
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,770
Because, deep down,
you didn't want
207
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,237
to show up
at this thing
with a date.
208
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,072
See, for all
your big talk
209
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,339
about being ready
210
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,708
for a relationship,
211
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,642
deep down,
you're single.
212
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,078
It's your default setting.
213
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,814
Ted, you know what's
in the back of your brain?
214
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,349
Oh, great. Here comes
the little Barney speech.
215
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,218
Behind a curtain,
in a dark little room
216
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,420
secretly controlling
your every move?
217
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,990
MARSHALL AND TED:
A little Barney...
218
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,425
A little Barney.
219
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,761
And you know what he said?
220
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:08,862
(with funny voice):
"Ted...
221
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,431
"you will bring no dates
to this wedding.
222
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:12,533
"You...
223
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,035
"will hit on drunk bridesmaids
224
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,804
with actual-size
Barney."
225
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,205
(laughing)
Wow. Please stop.
226
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,241
I got to call Claudia.
If I just explain to her...
227
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,676
Ted, no!
Let it go.
228
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:23,811
She's about
to get married.
229
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,245
She's got enough
to worry about.
230
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,379
Then what am I going to do?
231
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,815
The only thing
you can do...
232
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,550
tell Robin
she can't come.
233
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:30,718
(exasperated sigh)
234
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,556
LILY:
Just a second!
235
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,691
(dogs barking inside)
236
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,226
Hey!
Hey.
Listen...
237
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,260
Wait. Two things.
238
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,562
First of all...
239
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,296
I have been laying groundwork
all afternoon.
240
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,598
Totally subtle, totally cool,
241
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,634
not pushing,
not even nudging, just:
242
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,836
the theme of today is,
"Ted rocks."
243
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,638
And she's picking up
what I'm laying down.
244
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,505
Lily, there's a problem...
Wait, no.
245
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,307
Thing number two: the dress.
246
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,643
We got a dress.
247
00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,647
Go.
248
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,414
ROBIN:
Well?
249
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,618
Did I bring it, or...
250
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,419
did I bring it?
251
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,188
I think I brought it.
252
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,423
Wow.
253
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,325
That's what I was going for.
254
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,696
I'm so excited about tomorrow.
We're going to have so much fun.
255
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,264
Yeah, about that...
256
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,835
I'll pick you up at 5:00.
257
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,845
So? The dress?
258
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,514
I don't have a plus one
for the wedding.
What?
259
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,949
I ran into Claudia,
and she told me
260
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,618
I didn't check "plus one"
on the reply card.
261
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,086
Why didn't you check "plus..."?
262
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,588
I did check "plus one."
263
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,322
But Robin is so excited.
264
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,423
I know.
265
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,424
And the dress!
266
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,593
I know.
Uh...
267
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,660
Okay, okay.
268
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,928
Well, we'll
sneak her in.
269
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,363
We can't sneak her in.
We're not ninjas.
270
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,332
Oh, I wish
we were ninjas.
271
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,301
I know.
272
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,136
You could always ask Stuart.
273
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,304
Can I do that?
274
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,572
Well, sure.
275
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,941
You guys have been friends
for a long time.
276
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,143
And it's 40% his wedding, too.
277
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,312
I don't know.
278
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,614
It's going to be
a tough sell.
279
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,248
Dude, no problem whatsoever.
280
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,349
Really?
281
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,951
Sure. The more
the merrier.
282
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,186
Wow! Wow, thanks for being
so cool about this, 'cause
283
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,222
you know,
Claudia said...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
284
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,691
This morning at
the rehearsal,
Claudia called
285
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,393
our seven-year-old
flower girl a whore.
286
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,595
So, don't take it personally.
287
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,796
She's just
a little stressed.
288
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,531
Yeah, she's not usually
like that.
289
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,933
No.
290
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,903
Well, thanks, Stu!
291
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,772
It's going to be
a great wedding.
292
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,844
Honey, this magazine says
more and more couples
293
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,578
are opting to have
nontraditional weddings
294
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,647
out in the woods.
295
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,014
Well, if a magazine says so,
296
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,716
we should go get married
in the woods,
297
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,451
like a couple of squirrels.
298
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,420
Squirrels don't get married,
Marshall.
299
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:50,123
Like you could possibly
know that.
300
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,059
I did it.
301
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,061
I did it. I'm taking her
to the wedding.
302
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,663
Nice!
What? How?
303
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,630
I talked to Stuart.
304
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,698
(groans)
305
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,099
You went around
the bride.
306
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,502
"Oh, this hornets' nest
looks harmless.
307
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,471
Maybe I'll poke it
with a stick."
308
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,739
"Oh, look, some Gremlins.
309
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,274
Let me go feed them
after midnight!"
310
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,776
Did you know about this?
311
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,378
It may have been my idea.
312
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,245
(sighs)
313
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,480
What?
314
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,115
Stuart doesn't get a say?
315
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,684
Ah! So you admit it...
316
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,051
the groom should
have an equal say.
317
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,588
Well, yeah, sure, on the stupid
stuff, like who comes.
318
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,091
So I can invite
whoever I want?
319
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,694
Sure. There's plenty of room
in the woods.
320
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,062
(cell phone ringing)
321
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,297
It's Claudia.
322
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,631
Uh!
323
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,333
So it begins.
324
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,835
Come on, it can't be that bad.
325
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:35,635
(ringing continues)
326
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,569
Here, Lily,
327
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,437
you answer it.
328
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,739
What? Why?
329
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,674
Because this whole thing was
your idea.
330
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,309
And... Claudia scares me.
But... but you're the...
331
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,276
But I just want to...
332
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,412
Oh!
(groans)
333
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,513
Ted's phone.
334
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,181
Oh, hi, Claudia.
335
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,217
What?
336
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,686
Now, I wasn't there,
but from what I heard,
337
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,187
it went something like this...
338
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,789
Oh, by the way, honey,
Ted stopped by
339
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,991
and I told him he could bring
his date to the wedding.
340
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,659
You what?
341
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:03,030
(argument in fast forward)
342
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,132
...always undermining me
at every turn...
343
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:08,335
(argument in fast forward)
344
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,204
...try to show
a little flexibility, but no!
345
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,139
It's all about you!
346
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,175
(argument in fast forward)
347
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,844
...and your mother...
348
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:20,147
(argument in fast forward)
349
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,681
You know what?
350
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:22,883
The wedding's off!
351
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,252
(door slams)
352
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,354
They broke up!
353
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,388
Ow!
354
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,389
Uh-huh.
355
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,724
Uh-huh.
356
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,691
It's not because of me,
is it?
357
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:32,993
Uh-huh.
358
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,929
And my dad already paid
for this huge wedding!
359
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,965
Oh, he's going
to kill me!
360
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,900
And then he's
gonna kill Ted!
361
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,769
Then I'm gonna
kill Ted.
(phone ringing)
362
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,336
It's Robin.
363
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,471
Answer it!
364
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,839
Uh, Lily's phone.
365
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,008
Ted, where's Lily?
I need to tell her
366
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,277
about these awesome shoes
I just bought.
367
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,045
Uh, Lily's busy.
368
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,914
Oh, okay, well,
I just wanted to say
369
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,949
they're gorgeous,
and Ted's going to love them.
370
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,918
That's great. I'll tell
Lily to tell me.
371
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,753
Uh, listen, I really
want to keep talking,
372
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,855
um, but now's
not a good time,
373
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,690
so I'm really excited
about tomorrow.
Okay, bye.
374
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:04,792
Bye-bye.
375
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:06,894
Crap! She bought
some expensive shoes.
376
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,762
She's really looking forward
to this.
377
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,264
Do you think
she's into me?
Ted, focus!
378
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,967
Okay, okay, sweetie,
just calm down.
379
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,903
Do you want to go somewhere
and talk?
380
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,005
I want to go somewhere
and drink!
381
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,572
Okay, meet me
at MacLaren's.
382
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,908
I'll see you there.
383
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,777
Oh, I feel terrible.
Well, feel
terrible later.
384
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,045
Right now,
we gotta fix this.
385
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,746
Lily, you go
down to the bar
and comfort Claudia.
386
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,149
Ted and I will go
and try to talk
some sense into Stuart.
387
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,651
Right.
Um, tell Claudia I'm sorry.
388
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:32,786
Did she seem pissed at me?
389
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,055
She said, if there's
no wedding tomorrow,
390
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,257
you owe her father
$400,000.
391
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,759
What say we get these crazy kids
392
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,962
back together?
393
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,868
Hi, sad eyes.
394
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,070
What's got you down?
395
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:54,341
(weepy):
Stuart and I just broke up.
396
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,944
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
397
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,711
That's just... that's...
398
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,013
Two vodka cranberries, please.
399
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,416
You remembered I drink
vodka cranberries.
400
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,651
Remember?
401
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,387
When it comes to you,
how can I forget?
402
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,425
They all drink
vodka cranberries.
403
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:18,031
So... is there anything else
you need... sweetie?
404
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,601
You got $400,000?
405
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,003
(chuckling):
No.
406
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,272
But I do have a hug.
407
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,545
(softly):
Thank you.
408
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,820
Stuart, I-I don't
know what to say.
409
00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,789
If I caused this in any way...
Ted, for all I know,
you did me
410
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:43,957
the biggest favor
anyone's ever done me.
411
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,792
Oh, come on, man,
you don't mean that.
412
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,760
No, I do. This whole thing
has made me
413
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,962
realize I miss being single.
414
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,230
I miss staying out late,
415
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,032
and making messes
and not cleaning them up.
416
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,833
I miss owning porn.
417
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,802
Dude, who doesn't?
418
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,104
And, you know, I'll see
419
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,906
some super-hot model chick,
and I'll think,
420
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,340
"Why am I with Claudia?
421
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,341
I could be with her."
422
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,842
(laughing):
That's just crazy!
423
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,878
I mean...
424
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,379
you're the luckiest...
425
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,280
You and Claudia both...
426
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,848
The point is, I want
to get married.
427
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,417
I want to settle
down, but right now,
428
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,551
that's just not who I am.
429
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,887
I'm not a commitment guy.
I'm a single guy.
430
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,855
Stuart, you don't have to be one
or the other.
431
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,125
Everybody feels
this way sometimes.
432
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,194
Relationships aren't easy.
They're hard work.
433
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,163
It's about compromise,
growing together,
434
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,864
all that Dr. Phil crap.
435
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,066
How would you know?
You're not even married.
436
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,800
Okay, ask this guy.
437
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,402
Nine years he's
been with Lily.
438
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,404
He's the pro. This
guy knows relationships.
439
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,239
Tell him, Marshall.
440
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,508
Stuart,
don't get married.
441
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,609
Dude...
What?
442
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,978
Look, I'm sorry.
443
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,579
Being in a couple is hard.
444
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,983
And committing,
making sacrifices... it's hard.
445
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,818
But, if it's the right person,
then it's easy.
446
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,287
Looking at that girl
and knowing she's all
447
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,089
you really want out of life...
that should be
448
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,657
the easiest thing
in the world.
449
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,660
And, if it's not like that,
then she's not the one.
450
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,162
I'm sorry.
451
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:03,170
You know I don't
have $400,000, right?
452
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,039
Maybe we got
together too young.
453
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,608
Maybe that's what
the problem was.
454
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,212
I mean, I'm
28 years old,
455
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:16,416
and I've really only
ever been with one man.
456
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,750
(whimpers)
457
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,420
That's just, that's...
458
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:24,891
Two more
vodka cranberries, please!
459
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:29,662
Claudia...
it's all gonna be okay.
460
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,465
Oh, thanks for
listening, Barney.
461
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:33,666
(chuckles)
462
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,368
It really means
a lot to me.
463
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,904
Isn't it weird
that we should...
464
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,307
run into each other
like this?
465
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:45,445
Two souls, of equal levels
of attractiveness,
466
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:48,948
both fitting together
like two pieces
467
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:52,852
of a very
attractive puzzle.
468
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,287
Oh, hell, no!
469
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,823
Ow! Ow! Ow!
470
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,858
Claudia is
getting married tomorrow!
471
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,393
And, so help me God,
472
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,596
if I catch you even so much as
breathing the same air as her,
473
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,433
I will take those peanuts you're
trying to pass off as testicles,
474
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,136
and I will squeeze them so hard
your eyes pop out,
475
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,438
and then I'll feed them to you
like grapes!
476
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,873
Wait, my eyes or
my testicles?
477
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,642
One of each.
478
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,977
All right! All right!
479
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,846
Claudia?
480
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,448
Stuart.
481
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,782
I'm so sorry.
482
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:23,883
I'm so sorry, too.
483
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,984
I love you.
484
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,319
I love you too, babe.
485
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,554
Marshall and Ted
set me straight.
486
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,822
And, when Marshall told me
not to marry you,
487
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,024
it made me realize I...
488
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,193
Marshall said what?!
489
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,394
It's more complicated than that!
490
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,229
He made me realize
how much I love you.
491
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:37,630
These guys got us
back together.
492
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,467
Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool.
493
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,084
So where did we land on
the whole plus one thing?
494
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,486
No, no, no, no!
495
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:03,323
TED:
It took three more vodka
cranberries to subdue Claudia
496
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,358
but, eventually,
she graciously agreed
497
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,127
to let me bring Robin.
498
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,398
Still wow.
499
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,865
Wow yourself.
500
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,467
Look who else brought it.
501
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,468
Oh, yeah.
502
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,769
I thought about
leaving it at home,
503
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,771
but I figured I don't want
to get there and realize
504
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,641
I need it and have to go
all the way back to get it.
505
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,743
So, yeah, I brought it.
506
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,512
(phone rings)
507
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,815
Oh, sorry.
508
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,550
Hello.
509
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,520
Oh, my God. Tonight?
510
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:34,621
You're kidding.
511
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,523
They want me
to anchor the news tonight.
512
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,291
Really?
513
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,094
Like anchor anchor?
514
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,795
(sighs)
515
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,397
What happened to Sandy?
516
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,965
Okay.
517
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,567
Okay. Sure.
518
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,669
What time do you need
me to... right now?!
519
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,970
Oh.
520
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,173
Do it.
521
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,443
Do it.
522
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,114
Okay, I need, like,
five minutes to change,
523
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,882
and, um, I'll call
you from the cab...
524
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:07,620
* I've seen a million faces *
525
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:12,892
* But still,
my heart embraces... *
526
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,261
So admit it.
527
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:18,030
This wedding is both
indoors and amazing.
528
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,632
I'll give you the crab puffs.
529
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:20,900
The crab puffs are good.
530
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,369
The crab puffs
were incredible.
531
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,003
We should totally have them
at our wedding.
532
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,873
Definitely. Hey.
533
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,341
We just agreed
on something.
534
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,943
Did we just start planning
our wedding?
535
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,479
I think that we did.
536
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,684
We totally have to get
that brown dipping sauce.
537
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,487
Ooh, I thought the red
sauce was, like, awesome.
538
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,590
My God! Were you born
without taste buds?
539
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:44,524
(chuckles)
540
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,125
(chuckles)
What?
541
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,627
I love you.
542
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,631
* No, nobody *
543
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,501
* Like you... *
544
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,270
Coming up, are there snakes
living in your walls?
545
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,673
The answer may surprise you...
after the break.
546
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,976
* *
547
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,579
(chuckling)
548
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,081
Man, you know something?
549
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,383
Stuart's my new hero.
550
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,151
If that dude
can bag a nine,
551
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:15,688
I got to be able
to bag, like, a 16.
552
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,656
What's a 16?
553
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,891
Those two eights
right over there.
554
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,027
Yeah.
555
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,895
Hi, Ted.
556
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,297
Claudia.
557
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,699
We just wanted to get a picture
with the woman
558
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,668
who almost ended
our relationship.
559
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,536
Yeah, where is she?
560
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:33,706
Um... she couldn't make it.
561
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,008
(laughing)
562
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,944
What's so funny?
563
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,045
Oh, plan a wedding.
564
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,680
You'll see.
565
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:45,985
Look at that.
566
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,854
That's how it's
supposed to be.
567
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,121
That right there.
568
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,724
Easy, simple.
569
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,261
It's just not like that
with Robin.
570
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:57,029
It's not easy and,
on some level,
571
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,566
it has to just be easy.
572
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:03,270
Speaking of easy...
bridesmaids, Ted.
573
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,837
Bridesmaids.
574
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:05,938
CLAUDIA:
By the way,
575
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,640
I almost forgot.
576
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,208
We found this.
577
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:14,247
* *
578
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,616
I didn't check "plus one."
579
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,550
You were right.
580
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,752
Of course
I was right.
581
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,922
I'm single.
582
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,791
Maybe that's just who I am.
583
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:25,958
And you know what?
584
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,427
I like being single.
585
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:28,395
Being single's
the best.
586
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,029
Yeah. Stay out
as late as you want.
587
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:31,264
Answer to no one.
588
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,733
The whole world
full of endless possibilities.
589
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,469
Never having to go
to a farmer's market.
590
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,374
Okay.
591
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,610
Ah... doing
some math here.
592
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,312
Table six has got
three bridesmaids:
593
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,414
an eight, an eight,
and a seven.
594
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,350
I am willing to give
you one of the eights,
595
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,352
lowering myself
to a 15,
596
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,354
which means
you owe me...
597
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,290
So there we were,
two single guys
598
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,592
doing our usual
single-guy thing.
599
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,295
For whatever reason,
I had let myself believe
600
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,631
that this night
would be a turning point,
601
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,433
that this was the night
my life...
602
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,436
my real life...
would finally begin.
603
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:13,973
The funny thing is...
I wasn't totally wrong.
604
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:19,546
* Ba-da, ba-da-ba-ba, ba-da,
ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba... *
605
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,049
Because that night
was just beginning.
41329
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