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NARRATOR: Kids,
this is a Thanksgiving story.
2
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,221
Thanksgiving in New York
is a wonderful time.
3
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,423
It's a time for giving
of yourself,
4
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,392
for thinking
of your fellow man.
5
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,094
A time when
the unforgiving city
6
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,728
becomes a little kinder.
7
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,131
Well, I just ralphed.
8
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,266
How much did you guys
drink last night?
9
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,502
Not how much. What?
10
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,669
The Thankstini.
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00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,371
A fun and
delicious
12
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,473
new novelty drink
I invented.
13
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:43,043
Cranberry juice, potato vodka
and a bouillon cube.
14
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,214
Tastes just like
a turkey dinner.
15
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:51,085
Mmm, it's like
Thanksgiving in my mouth.
16
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,286
You want a good
holiday drink,
17
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,687
try his Kwanzaapolitan.
18
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,455
(car honking outside)
19
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,125
The shuttle's here!
20
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,162
He hasn't been back home
to Minnesota since Christmas.
21
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,363
He's a little excited.
22
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,697
Baby, we're holding up
the shuttle.
23
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,765
Do you have everything you need?
24
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,767
Toothbrush, pajamas, underpants.
25
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,836
Underpants.
26
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,372
So, Lil...
27
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,441
Marshall's family.
28
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,176
Whole weekend with
the future in-laws.
29
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,310
You excited?
30
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,646
Yeah, no, it'll be fun.
31
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,515
Lily, you just said,
"Yeah, no."
32
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,117
Did I?
33
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,186
No. I-I love Marshall's family.
34
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,221
Oh.
But yeah, no, it'll be great.
35
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,289
You just did it again.
36
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,557
Yeah, no, shut up.
37
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,261
Wait, so you're not going home
for Thanksgiving?
38
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,695
No, I have to work
on Friday. You?
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00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,397
I'm Canadian, remember?
40
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,665
We celebrate Thanksgiving
in October.
41
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,333
Oh, right, I forgot.
42
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,468
You guys are weird.
43
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,137
You pronounce the word
"out," "oat."
44
00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,673
You guys are the world's leader
in handgun violence,
45
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,241
your healthcare system
is bankrupt,
46
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,876
and your country
is deeply divided
47
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,179
on almost every
important issue.
48
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,848
Your cops are called
"Mounties."
49
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,919
So probably hanging out
with Barney, then?
50
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,422
No. Barney's got his own
Thanksgiving tradition.
51
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,790
Thanksgiving
in a strip club.
52
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:03,824
Who's in?
53
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,426
The Lusty Leopard has
54
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,660
a surprisingly good
Thanksgiving buffet.
55
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,496
Plus they do this thing:
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00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,331
Heather dresses up
as a pilgrim,
57
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,733
and Misty dresses up
as an Indian,
58
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,669
and they share
a meal together.
59
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,171
Oh, Barney.
60
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,572
I'm sorry.
61
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:19,740
Native American.
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00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,412
I think I'm going to go to a
homeless shelter, serve food.
63
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,946
That's awesome.
Yeah, I thought
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00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,815
I'd just spend the day
giving back, you know?
65
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:28,849
Doing some good.
66
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,518
Canceling out Barney.
67
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,220
Exactly.
68
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,254
Where are all my underpants!
69
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,154
Did you check your suitcase?
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00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,525
Let's go!
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00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,693
NARRATOR:
And go they went...
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00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,295
all the way
to St. Cloud, Minnesota,
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00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,497
Marshall's hometown.
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00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,334
And as Lily stepped
into her fiancé's boyhood home,
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00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,269
she received a big welcome.
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00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,903
Hello! we're home!
77
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,873
Oh!
Hey!
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00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,842
A very big welcome.
79
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,510
You see, at six-foot-four,
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00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,812
Marshall was the runt
of the Eriksen clan.
81
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:05,619
Wow,
I forgot how tall you guys are.
82
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,887
Where's my almost
daughter-in-law?
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00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:07,788
LILY:
Here I am!
84
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,392
Oh...
85
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,527
Oh, you got yourself
a great little bride here, son.
86
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,396
All right, now.
87
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,497
No fartin' around!
88
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,732
Put your skates
and your pads on, boys.
89
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,767
Game on
in five minutes.
90
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,402
Yeah, all right.
91
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,304
Oh, you're gonna
play hockey?
92
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,406
With a basketball?
93
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,974
Well, it's a combination
of the two.
94
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,709
We call it bask-ice-ball.
95
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,311
We invented it.
96
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,813
It's the most dangerous
and awesome sport in the world.
97
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,682
Bask-ice-ball?
98
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,350
Not ice-ketball?
99
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,319
Ice-ketball?
100
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,388
That just sounds weird.
101
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,557
It's bask-ice-ball,
okay?
102
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,992
And I'm the best.
103
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,727
Oh, well,
Oh, you wish.
104
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,896
maybe that's just 'cause
you haven't seen me play.
105
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:49,997
Oh...
106
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,533
I don't know, honey.
107
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,867
It's not really a
sport for a girl.
108
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,269
Well, that's funny,
109
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,737
'cause your brother throws
like a girl.
110
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,272
ALL:
Oh...
111
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,374
Marcus!
112
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,644
This is going
to be great.
113
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,413
I know. I'm so
psyched we did this.
114
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,914
Look at all these people,
115
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,517
giving up their Thanksgiving
to help their fellow man.
116
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,619
These have got to be the
best people in New York.
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00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,387
* ... to grandmother's
house we... *
118
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,622
'Scuse me, guys.
Coming through.
119
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,426
Barney?
Oh, hi, guys.
120
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,627
What are you doing here?
121
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,895
Oh, just the Lord's work.
122
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,064
But you're Satan.
123
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,766
Guys, okay, look.
124
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,336
I don't advertise it,
but I volunteer here.
125
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,803
I think it's important
126
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,405
to help the
less fortunate.
127
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,342
I'm the Angelina Jolie
of incredibly hot guys.
128
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,677
This is a joke,
right?
129
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,446
You don't actually
volunteer here.
130
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,680
Barney, we need you out front.
131
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,582
There is a logjam on
the stuffing line.
132
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,451
Can you show them
how it's done?
I'm on it.
133
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,686
Wait, so this is real?
Barney does this?
134
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,087
Every Sunday, all year long.
135
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,789
He's our best volunteer.
136
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,624
That's 'cause I was trained
by the best, Kendall.
137
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,461
Anyway, we're psyched
to be here, Kendall.
138
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:54,562
What do you
need us to do?
139
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,763
Uh, go home.
140
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,097
We're full.
141
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,332
What?
We're volunteers.
142
00:04:58,366 --> 00:04:59,567
We're unpaid help.
143
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,669
Can you ever really have
enough unpaid help?
144
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,804
On the biggest volunteer day
of the year?
145
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,038
Yeah, you can.
146
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:07,408
Come on, we just want
to help out.
147
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,977
Kendall,
they're cool.
148
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,845
Fine, but I'm not promising
anything.
149
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,881
Wait here... we'll let you know
if we need you,
150
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,351
Okay, well, I better get back
out there.
151
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,786
There's a lot of food
to give out.
152
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,422
And a lot of smiles.
153
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,993
Oh, I almost forgot.
154
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,129
I know it's early, but...
155
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,032
you are a future Mrs. Eriksen.
156
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,136
Thank you!
157
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,639
Well, it'll go great
with my, uh...
158
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,708
Aw.
I just love it.
159
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,611
Okay, Lily, we're
putting you on salad duty.
160
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,680
Oh, l make this great frisée
and endive salad
161
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,750
with a coriander-
lime vinaigrette.
162
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,586
But this is
an American holiday.
163
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,388
Lily,
164
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,690
now that you're going
to be a Mrs. Eriksen,
165
00:05:56,724 --> 00:06:00,528
I'm going to let you in
on a secret recipe:
166
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:05,032
the Eriksen family
seven-layer salad.
167
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,535
Seven-layer salad?
168
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,639
"Six cups of mayonnaise"?
169
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,006
That can't be right.
170
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,475
Oh, no, dear.
16 cups.
171
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:16,810
Mayo's in that cabinet.
172
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,882
Oh, my God.
173
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:22,950
There is some serious
bask-ice-ball
174
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,618
going on out there.
175
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,119
Dad totally nailed
Marcus in the face
176
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,688
with a snowball,
which is a foul,
177
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,523
'cause you only get one
snowball per possession,
178
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,592
so I nailed him in the
shin with my skate,
179
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,893
and then I totally
dunked it.
180
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,495
Yeah, you were sittin' pretty
181
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,530
till I whacked you
with that mallet.
182
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,931
Hey, gorgeous.
183
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,467
You having fun?
184
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,935
Yeah, but...
but I kind of miss you.
185
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,937
Could you stay in here
for a little bit?
186
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,038
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
no problem.
187
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,173
It's halftime.
188
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,741
Oh, halftime's over!
189
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,710
Get your butts
out here! Come on.
190
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,513
And I hope you like
the taste of skate, dorko!
191
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,048
Go.
192
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,650
Thanks, baby.
193
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,787
Aw, isn't this great?
194
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,955
Can't you see why everybody
from my high school
195
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,557
stays in this town?
196
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,960
Hey, Marvin, you're
the dorko, dorko!
197
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,801
Man, it's amazing
out there.
198
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,469
I've done so much good today,
199
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:16,704
I've got, like, a soul boner.
200
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,141
Man, the way the faces
of the less fortunate light up
201
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,776
when you give them a hot,
nutritious meal.
202
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,678
Is there a better feeling
on Earth?
203
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,580
Yesterday you said
the best feeling on Earth
204
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,482
was getting
your toes sucked.
205
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,484
Then you requested
a high-five
206
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:33,020
with your foot.
207
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,723
Hey, Barn, what do you say
you let us sub in for you,
208
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:36,990
scoop stuffing
for a little bit?
209
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,827
You want to scoop stuffing
your first day out?
210
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:40,861
Hello? NFL?
211
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,795
Can I be quarterback
this Sunday?
212
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:42,796
Dude.
213
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,901
Okay, I finished
214
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,571
the gummi bear layer
of the... salad.
215
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,806
What's next?
216
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,509
Potato chips. Of course.
217
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,010
So, Lily...
218
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:59,146
when are you gonna start
thinking about having a baby?
219
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,814
Baby?
220
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,884
Uh, you know, I hadn't
really thought about it.
221
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,118
At all.
222
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,787
NARRATOR:
Actually, Aunt Lily was lying.
223
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,856
It was all she'd been
thinking about.
224
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,257
You see, remember
when she said...
225
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,960
Well, I just ralphed...
226
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,629
NARRATOR:
At that point,
she was five days late.
227
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,098
This was day six.
228
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,001
Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young
to have a baby, right?
229
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,003
Oh, are you kidding?
230
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,905
I was younger than you
when I had Marcus.
231
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,040
Beautiful
15-pound boy.
232
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,543
Not much bigger
than this turkey right here.
233
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,983
Oh, my.
234
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,324
NARRATOR:
Now, if Lily was already uneasy
235
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,026
about joining
the Eriksen family,
236
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,696
imagine how she felt
about possibly having
237
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:52,199
a 15-pound Eriksen
growing inside of her.
238
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,201
That's a big baby, Judy.
239
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,069
The doctor thought he was twins.
240
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,605
(weak laugh):
Twins!
241
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,674
Twins!
242
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,912
This is crazy!
243
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,313
When did it get so hard
to do charity work?
244
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,916
I do charity work all the time.
245
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,283
Remember when I said
I'd find you a girlfriend?
246
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,085
Delightful.
247
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,787
How's that little project
coming along anyway?
248
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:14,922
I'm working on it.
249
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:15,989
I'm gonna introduce you
250
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,658
to that girl
you've been staring at.
251
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,026
What? That's crazy,
I haven't been staring
252
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,662
at any girl...
Have you met Ted?
253
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:24,264
Hi. I'm the
aforementioned Ted.
254
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,299
And this is...
um, gone.
255
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,035
I'm Amanda.
Hi.
256
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,803
So, uh, what do you
do here, Ted?
257
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,072
Well, I've been...
um, nothing.
258
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,141
I do nothing.
259
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,609
Well, if you want
to do something,
260
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:36,844
you and your girlfriend
can help
261
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:37,845
sort through
these donations.
262
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,813
I'm not his girlfriend.
263
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,149
I used to be, but, um,
264
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,985
I just wasn't enough woman
for Ted emotionally
265
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,020
or sexually.
266
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,188
(whispering):
Oh, my God.
267
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,824
So, Amanda...
268
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,026
What do you need us to do?
269
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,394
Okay, this is important.
270
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,296
Go through all these boxes
of food donations,
271
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,165
take out the really good stuff,
272
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,099
and put it into this box.
273
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,133
Got it.
274
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,234
Consider it sorted.
275
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,137
Hey, we're in business.
276
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,774
Hey, Barney's not gonna get
all the glory today.
277
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,679
Let's start
with this one.
278
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:12,713
Yeah.
279
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:14,982
Amen.
280
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:15,749
ALL:
Amen.
281
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,019
Look who came
to say good night.
282
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,854
It's little Martin.
283
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,723
Three months old.
284
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,892
Months?
Three months?
285
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,827
He's been drinking
his milk.
286
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,161
(all agree)
287
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,433
And she's already
pregnant again?
288
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,436
Well, that's 'cause those
Eriksen boys' boys can swim.
289
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,906
They got two tails
and a drill bit for a head.
290
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,075
Dad, you're
embarrassing me!
291
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,344
Oh, don't worry about it, son.
She's cool.
292
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,013
She's going to be an Eriksen.
293
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,081
Yeah. well, well, not literally,
294
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,250
'cause, you know,
I'm keeping my name.
295
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,121
But... the apron.
296
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,291
Well, we haven't
actually decided
297
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,793
anything yet, so we're...
298
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,261
LILY:
No, I've decided,
299
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:03,864
and I'm keeping my own name.
300
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,699
But Eriksen is
a great last name.
301
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,802
People know the Eriksens.
302
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,973
Well, sure, in St. Cloud,
303
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,776
but our kids aren't going to
be growing up in St. Cloud.
304
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,077
Right, baby?
305
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,081
Well, why not St. Cloud?
306
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,817
I mean, I loved
growing up in St. Cloud.
307
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,053
St. Cloud is a great place
to have a childhood.
308
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,155
Well, so is New York.
309
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,357
(all laughing)
310
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,725
LILY:
What? It is.
311
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,761
And we grew up just fine.
312
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,396
And we grew to the proper
size, and then we stopped.
313
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,471
Hey, Amanda, what's
this box for?
314
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,739
Oh, that's for me.
315
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,174
You can put it in my car.
316
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,510
In your car, um,
then you'll take it...?
317
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,480
Home. Yeah, we get so much extra
food, no one can eat it all.
318
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:58,185
Oh, truffle oil. Score!
319
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,120
People donated this food
320
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,922
thinking it was going
to feed the hungry.
321
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,858
I know. And I'm starving.
322
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,163
But, Marshall,
you love New York.
323
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,900
Yes, l do, but you always said
324
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,235
that when we have kids, you
wanted to move out of Manhattan.
325
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,237
Yeah, to Brooklyn.
326
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,007
Why are we even
talking about this?
327
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,075
This is, like,
way down the road.
328
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,011
But Lily knew
"way down the road"
329
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,046
might not be
so far down the road.
330
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,150
I need to go to
the restroom.
331
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,852
Lily, the restroom's
the other way.
332
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,120
So she headed down the road.
333
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,087
(door slams)
334
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,422
Lily?!
335
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,791
(car starting)
Lily!
336
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,800
So, wait, not only have you not
done any good for anyone today,
337
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,436
you're actually helping someone
steal from the homeless?
338
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,205
You know, Ted, it's called
Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking.
339
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,306
Damn.
340
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,344
Barney, you needed me to sign
your time sheet, right?
341
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,146
BARNEY:
Oh, yeah, right.
Thanks.
342
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,480
Barney.
343
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,548
Yeah, what's up?
344
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,516
You have a time sheet?
345
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,118
No one else has
a time sheet.
346
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,187
Yeah. So?
All right, let me see that.
347
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,256
Hey, that's my private,
personal business!
348
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,225
Court-mandated
community service?
349
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,294
Oh my God,
you're on probation?
350
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,595
What did you do?
351
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,966
That's my private,
personal business.
352
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,136
(siren wailing)
353
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,075
I was unfairly punished
because the wall
354
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,210
belonged to the judge's church.
355
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,412
You peed on a church?
356
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,415
I peed in an alley,
which happened to have a church,
357
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,450
which I did not see
because I was drunk.
358
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:41,221
Oh, you are evil.
359
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:44,091
Ah, all's right
with the world again.
360
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,226
Okay, fine, so a judge
is making me do this.
361
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,194
But I'm still doing it.
362
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,464
And kicking ass at it, BTW.
363
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,201
When's the last time either
of you did something good, huh?
364
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,174
Kendall. Ah, Kendall.
365
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,644
Amanda is stealing portobello
mushrooms from homeless people.
366
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,547
Amanda.
367
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:11,218
I called dibs on the
portobello mushrooms.
368
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,452
Those are for the hungry.
369
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,586
I know.
370
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,922
And I'm starving.
371
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,529
Those are good mushrooms!
372
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,364
Mushrooms. Mushrooms.
373
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,532
Portobello mushrooms
for everyone.
374
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,500
Take them and run!
375
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,369
They're very expensive.
376
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,342
Happy Thanksgiving.
377
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,644
"Happy Thanksgiving." Huh.
378
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,079
As in, "Check out the chick
379
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,413
"buying the knock-up test,
everybody.
380
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,249
Wonder what must be going
through her head."
381
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,917
Yeah, well, since you asked,
382
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:47,587
a family of mayonnaise-guzzling
giants is trying to suck me
383
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:51,058
into their suburban nightmare,
and there's a solid chance
384
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,626
that I have an Eriksen
the size of a 15-pound turkey
385
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,363
growing inside of me!
386
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,365
Oh, you know the Eriksens?
387
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,534
You're Marshall's fiancée.
388
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:03,570
Fantastic.
So nice to meet you.
389
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,611
Ugh, I'm sorry
I just yelled at you.
390
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,046
You mind if I use your bathroom?
391
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,247
Don't have one.
392
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,183
So, what do you do
when you have to...?
393
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,284
I hold it.
394
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,586
(slurping)
395
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,593
You can't fire
a volunteer.
396
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,261
Apparently you can.
397
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:31,999
And his two non-
mushroom-throwing friends.
398
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,667
I can't believe I told
Kendall you guys were cool.
399
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,637
I have 40 hours left
on my community service,
400
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,072
and now I've
got to spend it
401
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,341
spearing trash
on a freaking median strip.
402
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,713
Volunteer of the year!
403
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,216
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?
404
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,750
Look, if there's
anything I can do
405
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,220
to make it up to you, just
tell me. I'll-I'll do it.
406
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,321
Ted, I'm glad you asked.
407
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,457
* Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
408
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,727
* Domo... domo
409
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,164
* Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
410
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,566
Surprisingly good.
Right? I told you so.
411
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,268
Public urination.
412
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,703
Who gets arrested
for public urination?
413
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,605
Lily's been arrested.
414
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,007
Oh, dear. What for?
415
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,310
Public urination.
416
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,421
Thanks, Pete.
417
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,158
No problemo, Marsh.
418
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,226
You all right?
419
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:36,663
No. I embarrassed myself
in front of your family,
420
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,665
and now I'm
celebrating Thanksgiving
421
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,234
in probably the most
depressing place ever.
422
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:44,404
* Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto...
423
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,574
Well, I'm glad
that you're safe.
424
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,575
Hey, weird question.
425
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:51,178
Why did you drive three miles
down Route 23
426
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,413
and take a pee
behind a convenience store?
427
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,349
Okay, I'll tell you,
but before I do, promise me
428
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:59,152
that we are not gonna move to
St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise.
429
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,587
Look, I'm not suggesting
that we move here tomorrow.
430
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,589
I'm just...
Just promise.
431
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,091
Why do you want me
to promise you that?
432
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,725
Because I don't
fit in here.
433
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,194
I'm not eight feet tall,
434
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,162
and I don't think
you can call it a salad
435
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,198
if it has Funyuns in it.
436
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,632
I'm Funyuns.
437
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,668
And mayonnaise and gummi bears
and bask-ice-ball,
438
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,270
and I love St. Cloud.
439
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,339
And, yes, there is a part of me
440
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,807
that would like
to move here someday,
441
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,475
and why are we
having this discussion
442
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,277
in a jail cell on Thanksgiving?
443
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,447
Okay, personal effects.
444
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,648
One wallet.
445
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,782
One cell phone.
446
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,752
One... pregnancy test.
447
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,294
Pete arrested me
before I could look at it.
448
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:50,603
Whoa.
449
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,394
Look, I don't want to be
exactly like my family.
450
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,665
And don't take this
the wrong way,
451
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:22,135
but I don't want to be exactly
like your family, either.
452
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,705
We'll be our own family.
453
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:29,742
And we'll find our own way
to freak out the people
454
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,843
our kids bring home.
455
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,384
Great, now I'm crying.
456
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,653
Look, we may have some
really big decisions to make
457
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:41,788
in about ten seconds.
458
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,491
But right now,
I don't care
459
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,825
where our
kids grow up,
460
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,894
as long as they have
you for a father.
461
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,567
Gosh, I hope
you're the father.
462
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,570
Just a little joke to
lighten up the mood.
463
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,543
What does it say?
464
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,179
I'm afraid to look.
465
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,780
PETE:
It's negative!
466
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,183
Oh, thank God.
467
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,284
Oh, thank God.
468
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,287
And, hey!
469
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:19,526
Ted. Are you listening?
470
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,561
You're a good guy.
471
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,763
Want to know
why I have to work tomorrow?
472
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:27,267
My firm's designing an executive
lounge for a tobacco company.
473
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,370
In the fight against cancer,
I'm on the side of cancer.
474
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,639
Okay, Ted, I found a way
for you to help someone.
475
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,806
To do some good.
476
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,243
This is Walter.
Walter is homeless.
477
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,745
And Walter would like
a lap dance.
478
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,513
Are you joking?
479
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:44,651
I never joke
about the sublime art
of burlesque entertainment.
480
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,254
No, Barney,
that's insane.
481
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,656
Sir, would you like me to buy
you a ticket to the buffet?
482
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:54,727
No, I'm stuffed.
Just a lap dance will be fine.
483
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,429
Ted, Walter's been
to three shelter dinners.
484
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:57,730
You know
where he hasn't been?
485
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:01,968
To heaven
with Samantha.
486
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,970
Look, it's the one chance
you've had all day
487
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,438
to help
someone in need.
488
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,006
Now, buy this man
a lap dance.
489
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,576
You said
you wanted to see
490
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:12,245
the look of joy
in someone's eyes.
491
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,813
You know, I don't think
I'm going to watch.
492
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,685
Here you go, Walter.
493
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,388
Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
494
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:22,389
Thank you so much.
495
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,391
No, really.
Thank you.
496
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,296
Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
497
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,802
Thanksgiving in November.
498
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:36,903
Weird.
499
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,743
* I treat it like
a high school dance... *
500
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,379
NARRATOR:
So, that was Thanksgiving 2005.
501
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,448
To be honest,
it didn't go great.
502
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,650
But life has plenty
of good parts.
503
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,519
It's the rough parts
that make you thankful
504
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,387
you have people
to share it with.
505
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,324
* But I would only
stare at my shoes *
506
00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:00,059
* You belong to me
507
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,595
* I belong to you...
508
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:14,607
Hey, I saw what you
did for that guy.
509
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,643
It was really sweet.
510
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,445
Do you want a dance?
511
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:21,848
Uh, no, thanks.
Do you want some yams?
512
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,550
No, thanks.
513
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,717
I'm Amber.
514
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,486
I'm Ted.
515
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,522
Actually... I'm Tracy.
516
00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:32,392
Still Ted.
517
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:33,993
And that, kids,
is the true story
518
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,862
of how I met your mother.
519
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:36,896
What?!
What?!
520
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:38,865
I'm kidding.
521
00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:45,405
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