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Getting To The Bottom Of Things
at 8pm tonight.
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A film show and lecture on archaeological
digging by Professor Roland Crump.
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the distinguished archaeologist.
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And so the bone structure tells us something
about the shape
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of these prehistoric animals.
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So much, then, for the bone
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of the greater woolly mammoth.
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Dear, oh, dear. Oh, dear.
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So sorry. Now...now, erm...
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By studying the dwelling places of primitive man,
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we are able to form a picture
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of how he lived.
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How he lived. Yes.
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And we know from the crude drawings
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on the walls of his cave
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that he frequently exposed himself...
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..er, exposed himself to all manner of dangers
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in his search for food and the other...
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The other significant feature of his existence
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was the presence of iced glaciers in the vicinity,
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which undoubtedly caused the piles...
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..the piles of debris
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to move down
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and cover up his dwelling place...
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..one of which we will now show you on film.
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Are you ready?
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Lights.
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Here we show you the excavation
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of a typical Stone-Age dwelling.
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The lady uncovering the site
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is Miss Amelia Fossdyke,
who learnt her skilful techniques
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under Professor Schwindhofer of Utrecht.
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Notice the typical upland scenery.
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Neolithic man always preferred those areas.
as the lower regions
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were often foresty and inclined to be swampy.
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The two large mounds in the foreground
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are of especial interest.
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It was these which first drew our attention
to the site.
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And now we see the site partially uncovered.
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Notice the small indentation in the middle.
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The small indentation was probably caused
by a sharpened pole.
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which was rammed in to hold up the roof.
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the normal method of beginning
a Stone-Age erection.
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And now we see Miss Fossdyke
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about to uncover
something of enormous interest.
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Phwoar!
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Here! That's not Miss Fossdyke.
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They've sent the wrong film. Turn it off.
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- Turn it off!
50
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Turn it off immediately, I said. Here!
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I will not have this shown
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in a lecture that I'm in charge of.
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Turn it off! Do you understand?
I will not have this in my lecture hall.
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Turn it off immediately.
I won't have this kind of thing.
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Oh, look!
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No, I forbid it. Turn it off immediately!
57
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I will not have it shown...
Thank goodness. This is monstrous.
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They sent the wrong film. I do apologise,
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but what can I do?
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00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,076
Show it again. Show it again!
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Morning, sir. I did enjoy your lecture last night.
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I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
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I thought it was smashing.
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- Morning, Crump.
- I beg your... Oh, good morning, Dean.
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- Have you got a moment?
- Is it about the lecture?
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That's not what I wanted to talk to you about.
You're off to Templeton?
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That's right. One of the most important finds
in the West, according to reports.
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- Is that so?
- Yes. It's a field next to a caravan site.
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Apparently, they were digging a new cesspool
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and found what appears to be
a Roman encampment.
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What I want to talk to you about is your assistant.
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I don't want an assistant. Never had one before.
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What do I want an assistant for?
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00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,992
In the interests of cultural relations...
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00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,515
My relations weren't cultured. My grandmother...
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In the interests of cultural relations,
you'll have to take with you Professor Vooshka.
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Good mornings. So sorry.
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Well, that's all right. Don't mention it.
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- Crump, meet Professor Anna Vooshka.
- How are you doings?
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00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:02,515
Professor Vooshka is the person
I was telling you about.
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What about my caravan?
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Never mind. You can hire another one
when you get down there.
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00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:07,716
Professor Vooshka
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is an expert on Roman remains.
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Yes, I have been examining Hadrian's Walls.
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- He only had one.
- One what?
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Wall- Hadrian's Wall. He had one wall.
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Oh, I'm terribly sorry
but my English not yet perfected.
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00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,399
- Oh, that's all right.
- I'm glad you two are hitting it off.
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00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,437
What does "hitting it off" mean?
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00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,318
Means like "having it off", no?
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No, it means establishing a friendly relationship.
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Oh. That's nice. Yes.
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- Look after everything, will you, Crump?
- Of course.
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I'll send you a party of students
to help with the dig. Good luck.
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00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,477
Thank you, Dean.
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00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,997
And no worry. Professor Crump and I
will soon be having it off.
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Hitting it off.
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BUTCHER: 40p. I'll save you a bit of the other.
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- Hello, Else.
- Hello, love. Give us a bit of that for my old man.
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Give that to your husband
and you're in for a night of romance.
102
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Ooh! Can I do it in the oven?
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Do it where you like. It's your kitchen.
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Ooh!
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90p and the next lovely lady, please.
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00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,037
Thank you.
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- Where are you going?
- On one of those health farms.
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00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,311
Oh. What about Fred?
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00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,950
- He's taking the caravan. He's off fishing.
- On his own?
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No, with Ernie Bragg.
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00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,952
- Oh, Bragg up the electrical shop.
- Yes, that's right.
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What about Ernie's wife?
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She's coming with me.
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Talking of Ernie,
when is he coming about that fridge?
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What do you mean?
He came when you nipped out for a pint.
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He's in there.
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Oh, no! I've shut the door on him!
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Ernie!
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Are you all right?
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Oh, my God!
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It's only a sleeve.
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I-I-I-I got the f-f-f-fridge w-w-w-working.
123
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Aye. You have, haven't you?
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I-I-I-I knew it was w-w-w-working
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when I f-f-f-felt it f-f-f-falling off.
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- Felt what falling off?
- My di-di-di...
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..my temperature.
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Come on. darling.
you know you can if you want to.
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Come on. darling. Show me what you can do.
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Come on... Out with it.
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What a beauty!
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- Hello, darling.
MYNAH: How do you do? Oh, what a beauty.
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He's a mynah.
134
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I thought it was the milkman.
135
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Mummy got hold of him last week.
136
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- Who? The milkman?
- The mynah bird.
137
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- What's it doing here, then?
- Well, he's coming with us.
138
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Hang on a minute.
139
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Your mother's not coming on holiday with us,
is she?
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What could I say? She asked.
141
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But where is she going to sleep?
142
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We could rent one of those extension-tent things
that go on the side.
143
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Oh, I think he wants to come inside the caravan.
144
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If he's coming with us,
he's got to get used to staying outside.
145
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But supposing it rains?
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We'll buy him an umbrella.
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Oh, we should have bought a bigger caravan.
148
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Should've bought a smaller dog.
We'll leave him in the kennels.
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You know very well
he couldn't bear to be parted from us.
150
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He might like it in the kennels. He might get in
with a nice crowd of dogs and love it.
151
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If he doesn't come, I don't go.
152
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I'm not leaving him.
153
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Now, you behave yourself, do you hear me?
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- Yes, dear.
- Because if you get up to anything, I'll find out.
155
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- Yes, dear.
- Don't worry, love. I will keep an eye on him.
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And who's going to keep an eye on you?
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- Bye-bye.
- Bye, love.
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Ooh! Aah!
159
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,079
We must be mad,
letting them two go off together.
160
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They're only going fishing.
161
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Depends what they're trying to catch.
162
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I shouldn't worry, dear.
They haven't got much in the way of bait.
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BUTCHER: Ta-ra, lovely. Ta-ra!
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You remember, you take care of your rods.
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Ta-ta!
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- Hello, Mummy!
- Hello, darling!
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Mummy's here.
168
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You're not bringing those, are you?
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- I can't leave them at home. They'll die.
- Good.
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00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,712
- Did you say something?
- I said, "Good, we've finished packing."
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Put that on the table, will you?
172
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Ow! Bloody hell!
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Arthur, there is no need for that.
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Oh, bother me. Bless my soul.
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I do believe I nearly said a rude word,
cos I've got a cactus spike right up my...
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- Arthur!
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00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,357
Er, who do we see?
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Look. Look at that!
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Phwoar!
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Heh, heh! Makes you wish
you were single, doesn't it?
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00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,317
As far as this holiday is concerned, Ernie,
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we is single, and don't you forget it.
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00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,911
- Good day.
- How do you do, sir?
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00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,037
- How's the weather been?
- Oh, excellent.
185
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,636
- Oh, nice vans, these.
- Not bad.
186
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,632
- How long?
- About 14 feet.
187
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No, no, no. I mean, how long are you staying?
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00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,153
- Depends.
- On what?
189
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,995
- Whether we get any.
- How long will you be staying?
190
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,470
Well, like he says, it depends.
191
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,200
- On what?
- How long we can stick it.
192
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,237
Yes, well, you can stick it up...
193
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,158
..over there, by the hedge.
194
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:48,036
We're shifting Grandad's grave
to build a sewer
195
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,794
We're moving it regardless of expense
196
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,553
We're shifting his remains
197
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,235
To lay the council drains
198
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Protected by the local residents
199
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Cor, blimey!
200
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,951
How disgusting! Who are they?
201
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,759
Archaeologists.
202
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,240
Archaeologists?
203
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,710
That's what it said on the side of the van.
204
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,359
Well, they all sound drunk to me.
205
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,830
So they're drunken archaeologists.
206
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,877
- Ow!
- Arthur!
207
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,475
I won't have swearing.
208
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,231
- Aaargh!
209
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,317
Come on, Ern. Let's see what's about.
210
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,153
I'm just checking my tackle.
211
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,515
Catch it. Oh!
212
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,797
No need to check mine.
213
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,592
Hello, girls.
214
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,956
That's what I need- a bit of exercise, heh, heh!
215
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,674
Used to be a left back for Merthyr, you know.
216
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,317
Don't worry, love. I'll get it.
217
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,914
Hey!
218
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,959
What do you think you're doing?
That belongs to me!
219
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,078
- What are you yelling about?
- My ball's burning!
220
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,833
Don't stand so close to the fire.
221
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,478
- Do you mean the students got here before us?
- Yes. Were you held up?
222
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,519
Yes. Before we're starting,
we're having quick bang together.
223
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,717
- Oh, really?
- She ran into my caravan.
224
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,280
What, for a quick erm...?
225
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,195
No, no, it was a collision. She collided with it.
Now it's a complete write-off.
226
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,318
- Hm. That's nasty.
- So we are needing accommodation.
227
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,871
I managed to get the students fixed up
all right. Bit of a squeeze, mind you.
228
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,997
That won't hurt them. What about us?
229
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,039
That is the problem.
Those were the only two vans I had for rent.
230
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,157
It's OK, it's OK. We squeezing in somehow.
231
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,994
We shall do nothing of the sort! Not with that lot.
232
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,037
Oh, is not worrying me.
233
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,191
When I am on expedition to Gobi desert,
234
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,840
I am sharing tent with five men,
235
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,957
two goats and one camel.
236
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,078
Five men, two goats and a camel?!
237
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,117
- Da.
- But weren't you er...?
238
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,475
Oh, yes, I was,
239
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,394
but since this time I'm always coming prepared.
240
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,358
- Oh? What have you got?
- I'll show you.
241
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,397
Stink remover.
242
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,716
MYNAH: Hello, darling.
- Hold your noise.
243
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,359
MYNAH: Get stuffed!
244
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,476
What did you say?!
245
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:37,555
- Show us your knickers.
- Mummy has got a surprise coming with you!
246
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,872
- Who's a cheeky boy, then?
- You are.
247
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,032
- Get stuffed!
248
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,513
Ollie!
249
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,831
Ollie! Look what Mummy's brought. A pressie!
250
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,515
Yes! Isn't that lovely, darling?
251
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,273
- I do hope he's not annoying you.
- No, he's all right.
252
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,517
That's the lot. Now hop it.
253
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:22,029
Oh, Barnes, this couple want somewhere
to er...sleep and they'd like to rent your caravan.
254
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,918
Da. We have look.
255
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,198
Oh, you need look no further, madam.
This way, please.
256
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,237
Do you mind er, wiping your feet?
257
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,437
Here we are.
258
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,000
All ready to move into.
259
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,311
Just wants a bit of a sweep. I've got...
260
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,440
All the brooms and things
are in the cupboard here and you'll find...
261
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,477
Who was living here?
262
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,074
I was.
263
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,833
How much rent you asking?
264
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,639
Well, I'm only a simple man, you see.
265
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,758
I don't understand figures. 30 quid a week.
266
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,595
£30?! You must be insane!
267
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,752
All right, then. All right. £25, take it or leave it.
268
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,433
- We'll leave it.
- We're taking.
269
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,318
15 quids a week.
270
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,357
20.
271
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,956
Now, look here. The only reason we want
this dilapidated mobile hovel
272
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,396
is for somewhere to do our operations.
273
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,756
Operations?
274
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,479
What kind of operations?
275
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,392
Somewhere to examine our artefacts.
276
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,199
He will be getting them out
277
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,159
and I shall be examining them
and sticking labels on them.
278
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,358
You...you do what you like. Still £20 a week.
279
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,079
15 is last offer, da?
280
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,117
- 15 for my lovely home?
- Da.
281
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,954
Right. I'm not leaving the bedding.
282
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,032
Which end you sleeping?
283
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:35,955
You can't be serious. I mean, look at it.
284
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,999
I soon am scrubbing out.
285
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,551
No, it's not just that. We can't share a caravan!
286
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,553
Oh, you're thinking of getting crampet, no?
287
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,759
Certainly not! Where on earth
did you learn that expression?
288
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,992
Crampet. Crampet is...squashet.
289
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,756
It's in the dictionary.
Crampet is...squashet together.
290
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,277
Oh! I see! You mean cramped.
291
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,511
Is what I say. Crampet.
292
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,557
Crampet. Crumped. Crumpet.
293
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,791
Well, you can be cramped here on your own.
294
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,952
If you don't mind, I'm going to the pub.
I'll find a room there.
295
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,316
Maybe you're getting crampet in pub also.
296
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,357
It says "Caravans only".
297
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,319
Don't worry. I'll soon chat him up.
298
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,759
- How do you do, ladies?
- I wonder, could you help us?
299
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:35,151
- What seems to be the trouble?
- Could we camp here tonight?
300
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,280
I'm very sorry, girls, it's caravans only.
301
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,956
Oh, but you see, my friend's hurt her leg.
302
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,997
Has she? Whereabouts?
303
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,958
Well, it's all over.
304
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,759
I think I must have pulled a muscle.
305
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,718
Oh. Perhaps it needs massaging.
306
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,271
Oh, I'm sure it does,
only...not while I'm on my bike.
307
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:58,991
Well, perhaps we could find...
a quiet little spot around here somewhere.
308
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,993
- Oh, I beg your pardon.
- What, to massage it?
309
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,595
No. No, no, no. To put your tent up.
310
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,717
Oh, thanks ever so much.
311
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:11,397
Not at all. If I can be any help at all,
I shall be only too pleased to put it up for you.
312
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,915
I'm sure we can manage.
313
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,310
- Bye.
- Bye.
314
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,357
Oh...
315
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,075
I've got a Wickham's fancy,
316
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,311
a black gnat,
317
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,153
a March brown
318
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,197
and a ginger quill.
319
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,511
Phwoar! It's warm, isn't it?
320
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,875
GIRL: Yes.
321
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,916
Phwoar.
322
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,594
Phew.
323
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,831
I could do some good with these two.
324
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,639
I could do some good with them two.
325
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:55,834
- Cor... Look at that!
- Yes, they are beautiful, aren't they?
326
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,559
We could be all right there.
327
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,231
Oh. Oh, yes, I suppose we could.
328
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,714
Don't you fancy 'em?
329
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,840
Well, it's not that, but...
330
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,115
I can't, Fred.
331
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,234
What do you mean, you can't?
332
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,351
Well, I...I've got a disability.
333
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,437
What sort of disability?
334
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,514
I...I'd rather not tell you.
335
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,557
Oh, Ernest...
336
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,557
You can tell Frederick.
337
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,757
I talk in my sleep.
338
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,360
Is that all? How is this going to stop you having...
339
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,029
Talk in your sleep? Your missus, you mean?
340
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,760
That's what she meant
when she said she'd find out.
341
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,116
Well, that's lovely, that is.
342
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,830
You could've told me before.
You're going to ruin my bloody holiday, you are!
343
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,877
Well, it needn't stop you.
344
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,839
Of course it will.
Everything I do, you tell your missus.
345
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,400
She'll nip round, tell my missus.
346
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,995
Well, we could still go fishing.
347
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,311
I did not come here to go fishing.
348
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,596
I came here to go f...
349
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,195
finding other things to do.
350
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,159
Would you like to borrow my ginger quill?
351
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,556
Sandra,
352
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,597
this stove's not working properly.
353
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,354
Well, we dropped it, didn't we? Let's have a look.
354
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,960
If you fancy them that much,
why don't you go outside and chat 'em up?
355
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,872
What, with you around?
356
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,599
I might not talk in my sleep.
357
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,637
Hmm...
358
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,360
Sorry to bother you...
359
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,397
Oh! Ouch!
360
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,954
- Y-Yes?
- We can't seem to get our stove working.
361
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,190
I wondered whether
362
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,794
- you could look at it for us.
- Yes.
363
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,200
There's nothing missing.
364
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,680
No, I can see that.
365
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,319
Only we're dying for it.
366
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,192
- Pardon?
- A cup of tea.
367
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,590
Oh. Oh, yes, so are we.
368
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,592
Would you like to join us?
369
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,637
Oh. we'd love to. thanks.
370
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,279
Carol!
371
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,113
Would you like to sit down?
372
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,429
- Thanks.
- My pleasure.
373
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,754
- Hello.
- Hello.
374
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,069
What do we need?
375
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,516
I will...clear the...table.
376
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,478
Here, watch my flies.
377
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,995
- I beg your pardon!
- Oh.
378
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,030
Here, wait. Maybe you're needing.
379
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:32,352
- Oops!
- Here, careful. You could do me an injury.
380
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,397
Yes, easily.
381
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,598
So you are not finding room in pub, huh?
382
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,433
I rang all round, but they're full up.
383
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,876
Mm. So you are sleeping in caravan, no?
384
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,191
I suppose we could divide it up, or something.
385
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,352
OK, if you're wishing.
386
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,636
But you are going to help me
clean up caravan, no?
387
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,270
Oh, no, I've got to go
and examine the excavations.
388
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,875
Thank you.
389
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,753
Ooh...
390
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,719
Oh, Mummy... Go in, please.
391
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,434
- Ooh...
392
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,240
There are some people with an enormous dog
parked outside.
393
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,390
I know.
394
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,040
Really, how inconsiderate.
They're right on top of us.
395
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,237
You can't expect a field to yourself.
396
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,960
All right, Mummy. Don't fuss.
Arthur can move the awning.
397
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,838
I am not moving the awning.
398
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,673
Arthur, don't be awkward.
399
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,479
I am not being awkward.
400
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,631
Oh, for heaven's sake, don't argue over me.
401
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,633
- It's all very well for you to...
- I cannot stand squabbling!
402
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,111
Ooh, my God.
Now I've got one of my headaches.
403
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,032
I'll find you an aspirin.
404
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,640
- Get stuffed!
- What did you say to me?
405
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,393
Nothing. It was him.
406
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,517
How dare you speak to Mummy like that!
407
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,557
It was him, I tell you.
408
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,597
Go on. Say it again.
409
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,359
MYNAH: How do you do?
410
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:51,590
He won't say it now.
411
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,718
For the very good reason
he didn't say it in the first place.
412
00:23:54,800 --> 00:24:00,194
He may be your husband, Linda, but Arthur
never has been and never will be a gentleman!
413
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,835
I think it might be better if you slept out here.
414
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:07,994
Don't worry. I wouldn't come in there
if you paid me.
415
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,599
- He's just like your father. He's coarse.
416
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,354
I can't stand coarse men.
That's the reason I left him.
417
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,669
I'm not leaving Arthur.
418
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:17,989
You just wait.
419
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,152
He'll soon stop shaving
and start looking like a tramp.
420
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:22,640
Oh, Mummy, please.
421
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,998
It's bird nesting.
422
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,356
Where exactly
were these Roman remains found?
423
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,397
- In the new cesspit.
- Oh.
424
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,114
Hey! That's the old cesspit.
425
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,715
Aaargh!
426
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,833
Aargh! I'm in the pit!
427
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,877
Here! Don't pollute it.
428
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,677
Ah! Scrubber.
429
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,517
Scrubber no working.
430
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,397
Borrowing from comrades.
431
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,477
- Excuse, please.
- Yes?
432
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,870
Ah! Is nice, hm?
433
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,031
Is very nice, no?
434
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:23,113
- In this caravan you're not getting crampet, no?
- Pardon?
435
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,113
- Crampet.
- Yes, that's what I thought you said.
436
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:27,873
You see,
437
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,112
I am keeping - how you say? - dirty caravan.
438
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,520
Keeping a what?
439
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,991
You see, I am having birds in my caravan.
You want to come see?
440
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,356
No, thank you. Not just now.
441
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,478
Therefore, I'm going around camp
looking for scrubbers.
442
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:42,994
- Really?
- Mm.
443
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,278
Well, I suppose we ought to start
getting our dinner.
444
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:48,920
Oh, why don't you have dinner with us?
445
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,832
Oh, we couldn't.
446
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,639
Why not? We've got plenty, haven't we?
447
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,871
Oh, yes. We've got er...roast chicken,
448
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,758
roast potatoes, sausages,
449
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,069
Brussels sprouts
450
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,117
- and um...
- Stuffing.
451
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:05,871
- Unless, of course, you don't fancy it.
- Oh, no, we quite like it.
452
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:07,758
Providing it's well done.
453
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,797
Here. Shall we do it for them?
454
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,837
Do... Do what?
455
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,036
Cook the dinner.
456
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:19,760
Well, yeah, if you want to.
457
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,433
- Come on, then.
- Ohh!
458
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,399
Here! That's my Wickham's fancy.
459
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,678
- Well, it was sticking in me.
- You're lucky it wasn't his ginger quill.
460
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,680
Oh. Yes?
461
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,037
Hello. Excuse me,
do you have scrubbers in caravan?
462
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,158
No. Certainly not. Excuse... Ow!
463
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,914
Ollie! Ollie?
464
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,435
- Ollie!
465
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,557
- Where's Ollie gone?
- I don't know.
466
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,040
Must be round here somewhere.
467
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,919
- Get stuffed.
468
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,434
Show us your knickers.
469
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,273
- Ollie!
- Come on. Where are you?
470
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:08,589
Ollie!
471
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,033
Here, push off. Ow!
472
00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:14,998
Ollie!
473
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,917
Look, look. Do that voice.
474
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,151
- Do the voice...you know, the one he likes.
- No!
475
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:22,594
Go on, do the voice.
476
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,637
Ollie, where are you?
477
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,030
Not the cross voice.
478
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,032
The Daddy voice.
479
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,796
- How are you doings?
- Fine, thanks.
480
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:59,077
Ah, Mr Rolands.
481
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,635
I was finding your clothing in the caravan.
482
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,677
You were falling into something nasty, no?
483
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:09,039
- You can't come in here! You're a woman.
- Yes, I know. So what?
484
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,032
- Bath is for men only?
- Yes!
485
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:13,874
Mr Rolands, this is discrimination.
486
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,031
In my country, bath is also for women.
487
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:19,431
Yes, but not in here. You have to go next door.
488
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,274
Of course.
I'm not coming in with you, Mr Rolands.
489
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,317
I am going next door.
490
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,317
But, Miss...Miss...Miss...Miss...
491
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,960
- Vooshka.
- Vooshka. Yes, Vooshka.
492
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,477
In England, men and women bath separately.
493
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,836
Oh, of course. In my country also,
494
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,118
except when there is shortage of hot water.
495
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:51,994
Now...now, look, Miss...
496
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,958
- Vooshka.
- Yes, Miss Vooshka.
497
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,635
You will please take care of my clothing
and hang them up.
498
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:57,790
Well, I...
499
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,554
Well. I mean... Oh! Well. I mean. Miss Vooshka...
500
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,713
They're not mine.
501
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,234
They're hers.
502
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,360
Yes. Terrible...mistake.
503
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,759
- Gone?
- Yes, look!
504
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:30,194
But how did it get out?
505
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:31,839
Arthur must have done it.
506
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:33,639
- He wouldn't, Mummy.
- Where is he?
507
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,713
- He went for a shower.
- Well, then, let's go and find him.
508
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,110
Oh, look, I don't know where he is.
509
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:40,759
We should never have brought him.
510
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,433
Maybe he's gone off into the woods.
511
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,319
- Shall I go and have a look?
- Yeah. I'm having a shower.
512
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,989
Hello. How are you doings?
513
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,119
- Is that a woman?
- Yes.
514
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,317
Bloody hell.
515
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,076
Hello. How are you doings?
516
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,992
I thought it was men in there.
517
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,390
Is truth - but there's only one,
518
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,437
I think.
519
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,120
Well, if she can go in there, so can I.
520
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,677
Arthur!
521
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,519
Oh...oh! Oh, I do beg your pardon,
522
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,434
only my husband has one just like yours.
523
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,113
- Eh?
- The same colour.
524
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,840
And it's also creased and wrinkled.
525
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,114
You've both got one the same.
526
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,432
See if you can get a bottle of Sauternes.
527
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,989
It's only a local pub.
Probably end up with scrumpy.
528
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,317
- Hey!
- Waah!
529
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,399
What about your disability, then?
530
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,073
I thought about that.
531
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,517
If I keep calling Carol "Charlie", I'll be all right.
532
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:24,914
What good will that do?
533
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,276
If I talk in my sleep, it won't sound so bad.
534
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,829
The wife will think I'm talking about a fella.
535
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,640
- Could sound a bloody sight worse.
- Eh?
536
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,110
- Give us a kiss.
- Oh, shut up.
537
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,157
I think we'll move on in the morning.
538
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,278
Oh, yes. These caravan sites are all alike.
539
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,716
They're all couples. There's never any fellas.
540
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,314
Well, apart from those two.
541
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,392
Blimey! You're not after them, are you?
542
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:50,838
- Are you kidding? You can tell they're married.
- Still, we are getting a dinner for nothing.
543
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,515
Don't kid yourself.
We aren't getting it for nothing.
544
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,910
- Oh, yes, we are.
- Oh, no, we're not.
545
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,276
We've flippin' well got to cook it.
546
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,875
Where's the fat gone?
547
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,917
- Mind your...
- Aaah!
548
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,877
Where's it gone?
549
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,633
A dirty great dog's got it.
550
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:32,400
Ugh...
551
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,557
What is it?
552
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,711
- Our dinner.
- Well, can't be helped.
553
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,439
No, it was our fault.
554
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,591
Look, we were just going out for a meal.
555
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,514
Oh, yes! Why not come with us?
556
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,557
All right. Why not?
557
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,677
- We'll get some clothes on.
- Why bother?
558
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,877
Ollie! Ollie...
559
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:57,917
Hello, darling.
560
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,231
Hello. darling. Show us your knickers.
561
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,360
Major!
562
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,909
Major, there's a man in those bushes.
563
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,071
- Oh, really?
- He said something.
564
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,880
Oh. He did, did he? What did he say?
565
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,759
Well, it was...rude.
566
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,797
Oh. Like that, is it?
567
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,952
Well, don't worry.
I'll not tolerate people like that on my camp.
568
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:26,353
I'll have him packed and away from here
the moment I catch him.
569
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,398
MYNAH: Oh. what a beauty!
570
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,995
You're round here somewhere, mate.
I can hear you.
571
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,630
- Get stuffed!
- And that's how you're going to end up.
572
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,511
- Got you!
- Shh... Go away.
573
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,398
- What?
- I'm after a bird.
574
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:16,755
You filthy swine!
575
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:17,876
- Ow!
576
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,917
You maniac!
577
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,480
You frightened it away.
578
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,552
- Frightened what away?
- The mynah bird!
579
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,390
- Hey!
- Phew...
580
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,154
Hey, have you seen a big dog
around here anywhere?
581
00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:32,755
I've got better things to do
than look for dogs, mate.
582
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,674
There's a couple of quid in it for you,
if you find him.
583
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,719
Two pounds. Leave it to me, sir. I'll find him.
584
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,359
- What does he look like?
- Ow!
585
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,514
♪..the mountain
586
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,911
Coming round the mountain when she comes
587
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,310
Singing aye aye, yippee...
588
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,756
Hey, Ernie, look!
589
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:58,797
Cor, blimey!
590
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:02,193
Oh!
591
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:08,957
Aaah!
592
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,517
Oh, no! Look.
593
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,752
- That's not a chicken.
- It's turned into black bangers.
594
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:24,797
Where are they?
595
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,717
We had to go out. Dinner in oven.
596
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,759
- Charming!
- Just like being married to 'em.
597
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,230
Oh, God, that smells awful!
598
00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:41,072
Well, if this is the new cesspit,
599
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,560
why is all the earth over there?
600
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,030
Perhaps they're using for filling in old hole.
601
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,113
Oh, yes. I never thought of that.
602
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,158
An interesting example of Roman tessellation.
603
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:02,836
Tessellation -
is name for what they're doing, huh?
604
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:08,234
It simply means various Roman pieces
get laid...on cement.
605
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,551
Ooh! Is very uncomfortable for them, no?
606
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,997
Professor er...
607
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,073
- Vooshka.
- Professor Vooshka, you are the Roman expert.
608
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:20,073
- Da.
- Would you say this was a Roman temple?
609
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,595
No, Professor Crump, no. Is no temple.
610
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,593
In my opinion, is place
where Roman soldiers are coming
611
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,558
for drinking and for women
612
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,950
- and for...
- Yes, quite. I know what you mean.
613
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,078
- What is name for a place like this in English?
- In English?
614
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,551
This place where soldiers are coming
for drinking and for women and for...
615
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,711
Yes, yes. It is called the Naafi.
616
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,634
Naafi. Ah. So this is Roman Naafi?
617
00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:43,791
- Yes.
- Da, da, da.
618
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,712
And lady taking money at door
619
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,473
is...Naafi keeper.
620
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,155
- No?
- Yes, yes.
621
00:36:50,240 --> 00:36:53,631
In which case, we are outside main camp
on perimeter,
622
00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,552
meaning - meaning...
623
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,519
that main camp is buried
underneath caravan site.
624
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,991
But would they have this...establishment
so far away?
625
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,152
- It's not far walk from camp.
- It's an awful long way to walk back.
626
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,911
Anyway, tomorrow we are poking hole
all over caravan site with spikes.
627
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,276
I don't think they'll like that at all!
628
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,397
Oh, is all right. We're poking early.
629
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,272
Before others are awaking.
630
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,317
Oh, yes, yes.
631
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:21,960
Oh! Aaah!
632
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,631
Professor Crump, what are you doing?
633
00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:28,279
I...I slipped.
634
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,317
You understand? I slipped.
635
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,279
- Is atmosphere of Roman Naafi affecting you?
- Yes.
636
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,113
Here, what do you mean?
637
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,159
I mean place where soldiers come
for drinking and for women...
638
00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:39,959
I...I never touch it.
639
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,315
- Never?
- Never.
640
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:42,754
Perhaps you should try it.
641
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,320
Certainly not.
642
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,552
We have saying in Russia:
"Vyeshka nyet velinka."
643
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:48,960
Oh. What does it mean?
644
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,157
Never look gift bird in beak.
645
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:53,197
- Oh.
- Da.
646
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,357
He wants in.
647
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:01,516
Time you got a shave, Ern.
648
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,159
Eh, give over!
649
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:05,118
It was me.
650
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,714
Cheers.
651
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,996
- I think he's hungry.
652
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,311
There.
653
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,357
I don't think he's had any dinner.
654
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,591
I don't know about that. He's had most of ours.
655
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,070
I wonder where that chicken went.
656
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,198
I don't know. Come to that,
where did them birds get to?
657
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,234
I'm not worried.
Plenty of them where they come from.
658
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,438
Oh, come on, enjoy yourself.
We're supposed to be on holiday.
659
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,398
I am enjoying myself.
660
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,949
- Well, you don't look like it.
- Well, I was,
661
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,396
till you picked them birds up.
662
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,040
Now I can't think of anything else.
663
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,079
You know his trouble? He's crumpet-struck.
664
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:44,198
- I like that!
- So do we.
665
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,670
It's you that's crumpet-struck.
666
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,911
I wanted to go fishing.
667
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,516
All right. You want to go fishing,
we will go fishing.
668
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,432
And bring the rest of that plonk with you.
669
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,115
Hee, hee! Good lad.
670
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,078
- Ollie!
- Ollie!
671
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,277
- God help us!
672
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,155
Ollie!
673
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,397
- Ollie!
674
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:23,715
Ollie! Ollie!
675
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:25,757
Found him all right, didn't I?
676
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:27,672
- Oh, look. Hello.
- Well, where was he?
677
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:31,030
Must have been seven or eight miles away.
678
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,510
- Well, I promised you a couple of quid.
679
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,034
Yeah.
680
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:36,839
Yes. That's mine.
681
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,196
One. Get off! Funny little chap.
682
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,318
- Two.
- Little lad's trying to take my money.
683
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,552
- Mind, sir, I'm...I'm not complaining.
684
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,917
I must have used a couple of quids
worth of boots, bringing him back.
685
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,276
Oh, Joe, give him some more.
686
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,990
Little chap. Ooh! Got a cold nose, hasn't he?
Must be healthy!
687
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,037
- Thank you, madam.
688
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,510
Ah, Mr Barnes. I'm wanting you very badly.
689
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,114
Why, what's the matter with him?
690
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:09,398
We are thinking, perhaps
we are finding something in the alluvium.
691
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,279
- Don't tell me it's blocked up again.
- What she means is,
692
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:13,919
we've just been in that hole you dug.
693
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,799
Have you? Well, there's a proper one over there.
694
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,715
When you are digging hole, perhaps
you're finding some artefacts, no?
695
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:21,870
Arty what?
696
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,997
You know, old Roman relics.
697
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,878
Swords, brooches, helmets...
698
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:30,352
Oh! Oh, oh, yes, I see. Supposing I did?
699
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:33,717
- We are wanting.
- Ah, yes, but what I find is mine.
700
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,440
Well, we're willing to pay you for the articles.
701
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,910
All right! Now you're talking.
702
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,231
- I'll bring you some round in the morning.
- Da.
703
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:44,999
Show us your knickers.
704
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,514
Come on. You want stuffing, huh?
705
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,430
That's what I call a Roman artefact.
706
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:16,720
Here! You might knock or something.
I was getting undressed.
707
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,315
Is luxury, undressing on expedition.
708
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,438
When I was in Gobi desert,
we did not undress for ten weeks.
709
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,160
You didn't take your clothes off for ten weeks?!
710
00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:26,913
Well, most of them.
711
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,832
I see. Ooh.
712
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,640
You see, is necessary.
If not, someone stealing them.
713
00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:33,473
That won't happen here, I assure you.
714
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,994
Great! It's good enough for Julius Caesar.
715
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,036
Where's my Barbara
716
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,797
- Not back, Ern?
- Who cares?
717
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,519
Fred! Careful.
718
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,114
You nearly tripped over that rope.
719
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,351
- Thank you.
- Be careful. You could've... Aaah!
720
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:09,469
I've been a young fool
and you're an old man's fancy
721
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:14,434
Where are you going, Gwyneth Gwyn?
722
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,193
And Gareth...
723
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,275
Hey! There's their gas stove.
724
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,238
We do not want it, Ernest.
725
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,993
Neither do we.
726
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:28,232
I'll tell you what. I'll take it back to their tent.
727
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,073
Good idea.
728
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,870
Yeah. Then there is no excuse
for them to come round here
729
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:39,672
disrepreting...disruperting...
disraputating our trinquality.
730
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,991
- Admirably put, Ern.
- Thank you, Fred.
731
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,552
Who's a good girl, then?
Look at me when I'm talking to you.
732
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,836
Aaargh!
733
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,833
Ernest! Is you all right?
734
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,480
I...I've dropped it.
735
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,517
Ah! I've found it.
736
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,557
Hey, hey! Shh...
737
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,040
Ooh!
738
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:07,311
Shh! All right, Fred.
739
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:12,076
I'm in bed, Professor.
740
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,358
- Are you ready?
- Ready for what?
741
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:16,954
For turning off the light.
742
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,590
- Oh, ye-e-es.
- Good night.
743
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:30,831
What happened? Aah!
744
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:32,320
Must be strike of lightning, no?
745
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:33,880
I've been struck. Oh!
746
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,280
Ow!
747
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:36,840
I'm injured.
748
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,151
Oh! My head is broken.
749
00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:41,357
Oh, no, no, no worry. I am coming soon.
750
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,397
Oh!
751
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,429
Professor Crump! Professor Crump!
752
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,116
Professor Crump!
753
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,999
No worry. I am bandaging your bleeding head.
754
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:57,912
What the hell did that, then?
755
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,071
Has been struck by strike of lightning, no?
You perhaps doctors?
756
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,595
- Why? Where does it hurt?
- Er, no.
757
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,434
- Must be finding doctors. Man is injured.
- What man?
758
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,752
Is professor of archaeology. Is bleeding terrible!
759
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:15,957
Never mind his qualifications. Is he hurt?
760
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,952
Is hurt badly, da. Is in caravan.
761
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,397
- Don't worry. I will handle it.
- Thank you. Is very nice. Thank you.
762
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:24,757
He was a lance corporal
in the Army Medical Corps.
763
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,752
Da. I'm going finding ambulance.
764
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,718
Fred!
765
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:30,757
Fred!
766
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,396
- How is he?
- Have you got a mirror?
767
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,676
Why, are we going out?
768
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,353
I want a mirror!
769
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,397
Yes, I'll...I'll get one.
770
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,031
Ooh! Good morning. Could I borrow -
771
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:00,510
It's me.
772
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,355
- Is...is he dead?
- Of course he's dead!
773
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,957
Then what's the mirror for?
774
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,593
I want a second opinion.
775
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,080
- Go on.
- All right.
776
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,117
Have a look.
777
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:53,077
He's still there.
778
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,436
Is the glass misted over?
779
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,711
No.
780
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,280
He's dead.
781
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,158
Ow! No, I'm not!
782
00:46:05,240 --> 00:46:07,436
I'm not! Am I?
783
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,955
He must have been holding his breath.
784
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,351
- Aah! Aah!
- It's all right, lovely boy. You're in good hands.
785
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,397
- What are you?
- A butcher.
786
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:16,994
Oh, no!
787
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:18,912
It's all right. I knows what I'm doing.
788
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,832
Haven't they got any real doctors?
789
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,480
Relax. Tell me where it hurts.
I'll start with your legs.
790
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,111
That hurts.
791
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,876
Oh, it hurts all over!
792
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,434
As I suspected. Multiple fractures.
We need splints.
793
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,475
- Don't hang about. Break the damn thing off.
- Oh, no!
794
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,517
Relax!
795
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:43,875
Here.
796
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,634
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...
797
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:47,995
Aah...
798
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:49,719
- Ooh!
799
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,156
My theodolite's broken.
800
00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:55,631
- What do we do?
- We'd better put a splint on that as well.
801
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:15,834
Here we are, my dear.
802
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:17,877
- Na zdorovye.
- Bless you.
803
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,594
You're not to worry.
I'm sure he'll be perfectly all right.
804
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:24,718
Such a great pity.
He was such a good colleague!
805
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:28,150
And to be struck down
just as we were having it off...
806
00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:30,357
Really?
807
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,070
Damned hard luck there, yes.
Happened to a friend of mine
808
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:35,389
in India.
809
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,075
Yes, he was up in the jungle
with the colonel's wife.
810
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:39,913
They fell off an elephant.
811
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,560
Oh, no. "Having it off" is not right.
812
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,120
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
813
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,396
I mean, these days.
814
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:47,914
Hmm?
815
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:52,358
I suppose you won't want to be going back
to that caravan of yours tonight, will you?
816
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:53,760
Why not?
817
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:56,594
Well, you know. I mean...painful associations.
818
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,991
Um... What I mean is um...um...
819
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:03,790
What I mean is, you could sleep here,
if you wanted.
820
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,797
That is most kind of you.
821
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:09,991
You have all that digging to do, haven't you?
822
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:12,037
You'll want a good rest.
823
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,438
- You might want to...
- Thank you, but I'm already getting plenty.
824
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,877
- Yes, but I'm not.
- Then I must not keep you awake any longer.
825
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,871
I'm sorry, Major, but I'm not loving you.
826
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:26,792
Yes, but...
827
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:30,112
You see, when I love a man,
I give him everything.
828
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,669
I give it all.
829
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:34,717
But I don't want it all.
830
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:37,919
I just want a bit.
831
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,198
Hey, hey!
832
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,993
Good night. Give us a kiss.
Thanks ever so much.
833
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,436
Bye bye. Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
834
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,477
Bye!
835
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:54,915
What happened? Oh! Oh...
836
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:57,553
Oh! Oh, dear...
837
00:48:57,640 --> 00:48:59,120
It was struck by lightning.
838
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:00,680
We haven't had any lightning.
839
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,717
We have had here.
840
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:05,717
That's what did it.
841
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:07,473
You were mending it.
842
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,553
Aye, well, Ernie put it back
in your tent, see, and...
843
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:12,597
..blew it up.
844
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:14,990
Well, what are you going to do about it?
845
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:16,958
Where are we going to sleep tonight?
846
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,872
Shh! Not so loud.
847
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,715
I'll tell you what. Come in the van
and we'll...discuss it.
848
00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:32,680
Right, ladies, just make yourselves comfortable.
849
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:34,991
And don't worry. We'll buy you a new tent.
850
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:37,640
Oh, yes- and er, new bedding,
851
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:40,713
new...whatever else you lost.
852
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:42,393
What, tonight?
853
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,437
Not tonight. Be reasonable.
854
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,433
Tonight you'll just have to...sleep here.
855
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:51,197
All right, then.
856
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,670
And, by the way, where are you two sleeping?
857
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:56,400
Where do you think?
858
00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:05,559
Now let's take a look at his head.
859
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,320
- We'll soon have you on your feet.
- Oh, I feel so queer.
860
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:12,357
- Yes, of course you do.
- Oh...
861
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:15,357
Aah... Ooh...
862
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,631
Here, what are you, a vampire?
863
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:25,393
It's tomato sauce.
864
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:26,834
Tomato sauce?
865
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,071
Or tomato ketchup. What's the difference?
866
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,675
- 2p a bottle.
- Is it? Anyway, it's not blood.
867
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:34,036
- I don't understand.
- Neither do I.
868
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:37,716
- So there's nothing wrong with him?
- Well, apart from that splinter in his...
869
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:39,393
That's quite enough, isn't it?
870
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,951
I'll attend to it in a minute. Meanwhile,
you owe us some sort of explanation.
871
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,271
- I do?
- You come in here covered in tomato sauce,
872
00:50:45,360 --> 00:50:47,875
lashed up to a theodolite
with a splinter in your...
873
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:51,636
Well, I'm all confused.
It's all dreadfully confusing.
874
00:50:51,720 --> 00:50:54,519
Now we're alone,
try and remember exactly what happened.
875
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,796
Well, I got into bed
876
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:59,236
and Miss Vooshka turned out the light.
877
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:00,800
So you were in bed with a Miss...
878
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:02,951
No! I was up the other end.
879
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:04,679
Ah.
880
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:05,910
The other end of what?
881
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,356
The caravan. She was up the one end.
882
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,238
I was up the other.
883
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,994
And then I suddenly saw a quick flash.
884
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:14,514
Oh! Did you?
885
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:17,877
Ye-yes. I thought at first it was lightning.
886
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,475
Then I suddenly received
this violent blow to the head
887
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,552
and after that I don't remember anything.
888
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,439
Just a moment. I think I know
where your splinter came from.
889
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:26,510
Do you? Where?
890
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:28,239
From your splint.
891
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,074
Oh. Well...well, it's dreadfully painful.
892
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,117
Do you think you could...get it out?
893
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:34,998
I'll take a look at it. Nurse!
894
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,037
It's a big one, Doctor.
895
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,077
Yes, I know.
896
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,117
But it's only a small splinter.
897
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:44,074
Aargh!
898
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,911
- Hello. Good morning, Miss Vooshka.
- Hello.
899
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:57,957
Thank you.
900
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,356
Professor Crump, you're recovering, no?
901
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,875
Yes, except for a very sore toe- big toe.
902
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,316
Poor Professor Crump, but never mind.
903
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,279
We up nice and early
and bushy-tailed for making holes.
904
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,431
Yes. Would you mind if I have a cup of tea first?
905
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:17,160
No, first we're making holes, Professor Crump.
906
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,630
Dig your own hole.
907
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,194
Hello, darling.
908
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,431
Shh! Mummy's still asleep.
909
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,079
Thanks.
910
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,117
- How did you sleep?
- Rotten.
911
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,510
Oh, so did I. I missed you.
912
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,557
Well, you told me to sleep out here.
913
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,599
I'm sorry. You made me angry.
914
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:45,031
Trouble is, now Mummy's moved
into the caravan, I don't know if we can.
915
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,680
That's all right. You can sleep out here with me.
916
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,513
But it's only a single bed!
917
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,956
There's plenty of room.
918
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,271
- Look, I'll show you.
- Stop it. You'll wake...
919
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,637
- Ooow!
- Arthur, what are you doing?
920
00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:00,518
I've just trodden in my breakfast.
921
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:02,956
Well, I wish you'd do it more quietly.
922
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,477
Lovely new-laid eggs.
923
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,396
Ooh. Ooh!
924
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,672
Oh, it must be a Roman egg.
925
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,717
Oh, dear. Oh, Lord. Oh...
926
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,712
I can't get away from myself.
927
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,432
- Whoa!
- Ah! You're hitting underground spring.
928
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,591
It's the water mains.
929
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:56,514
Pshh! Someone's coming.
930
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:08,559
- Morning.
931
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,074
Morning.
932
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:13,998
Merely admiring the view.
933
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:21,512
I wasn't looking over there,
I was looking over there.
934
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:26,351
- That happens to be my wife!
- Oh...
935
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,476
I must say, you cooks cornflakes
936
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:48,995
- much better than Ernest does.
- Thanks.
937
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,311
When are we going shopping?
938
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,278
Oh. You mean the tent?
939
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,558
And the rest.
We've lost all our clothes, and everything.
940
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:58,950
I don't know how you did it.
941
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,357
Well, I don't, neither.
942
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:05,672
To tell you the truth, I think it was
because we had too much wine.
943
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:07,717
Ah! Barnes.
944
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,439
What's that?
945
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:11,477
It's a genuine Roman helmet.
946
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:15,110
Oh, is it? Looks more like an old tin hat
with the rim knocked off.
947
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,317
Well, you're not an archaeologist, are you?
948
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:20,552
I'm getting reports
that the showers aren't working properly.
949
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:22,313
Don't ask me. I never use 'em.
950
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:23,993
That's obvious.
951
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:27,437
For now, I'll check inside.
You look at the stopcock.
952
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:37,479
Damned vandals!
953
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:39,517
Some damned fool's turned them off.
954
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:48,950
Look, turn that damn thing off!
955
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,157
You turn it off. You're wetter than I am.
956
00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:52,560
That's a matter of opinion!
957
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,120
Aah!
958
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,157
Ooh...
959
00:55:57,760 --> 00:55:59,274
Ernest, sit down.
960
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,000
No. I can't sit down. You see, I think I've...
961
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:03,196
Oooh!
962
00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:11,314
I don't care what you say,
there are some very odd people on this site.
963
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:12,629
You're making it up.
964
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:14,439
I am not.
965
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,957
- And that Peeping Tom! I'd like to know what...
966
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,277
Oh, hello, Major.
967
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,158
No sign of him, I suppose?
968
00:56:30,240 --> 00:56:32,516
- Er, sign of who?
- My mynah bird.
969
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:34,080
Oh, no. No, no, no.
970
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:37,232
What we intend to do
is to broadcast the fact that he's lost.
971
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:40,358
- Broadcast it?
- Yes, from our new public-address system here.
972
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:43,478
- Ah.
- Come with me. I'll show it to you.
973
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:54,198
Damn it! That's not the colour I ordered.
974
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,112
It's what we were given.
975
00:56:56,200 --> 00:57:00,080
But I ordered leaf green.
That's not leaf green. You'll have to change it.
976
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:05,069
- Have you finished?
- Just about.
977
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,676
I'm glad something's finished.
We're opening this damn place on Saturday.
978
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,797
Sit down, my dear.
979
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,837
No.
980
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,196
Come on. We'll try it.
981
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:19,160
- I haven't finished testing it yet.
- That's just what I'm about to do.
982
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,197
All right, then.
983
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:27,757
Good morning, caravanners.
984
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:29,718
This is Major Leep speaking.
985
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:39,034
And this is one of the amenities
we have installed
986
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,476
to make your stay here more enjoyable.
987
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:50,837
Try it now. Go on.
988
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:52,996
I'll start again.
989
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,117
This is Major Leep speaking.
990
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,556
This is one of the amenities we have installed
991
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,235
to make your stay here more enjoyable.
992
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,915
All the site news at regular intervals
993
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:05,196
and any urgent messages.
994
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:08,432
It will also enable me
to keep in touch with my staff
995
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:11,035
and see that they're doing their jobs properly.
996
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:13,954
And now. one or two reminders of site...
997
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:15,394
...regulations.
998
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:18,154
These are made for everybody's benefit.
999
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:19,959
And now...
1000
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,271
A case of vandalism in the showers.
1001
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:25,956
Someone has deliberately ripped one off
1002
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,874
and for those responsible
for puncturing the water...
1003
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:30,797
..a warning.
1004
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:35,439
..a valuable talking mynah bird.
1005
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:37,193
And that is all for the moment.
1006
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,237
Message ends.
1007
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,039
That ought to get some results.
1008
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:42,474
Get stuffed.
1009
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:47,359
We are arriving on site,
1010
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,397
making preliminary survey.
1011
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:54,480
Professor Crump and I
are living in caravan together.
1012
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:57,477
We have been all over the site, poking.
1013
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:01,080
Don't you think it would be better
if I wrote the report?
1014
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:03,231
Who's expert on Romans- you or I?
1015
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:04,800
You are.
1016
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,076
Then will you please continue, Professor Crump.
1017
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:13,038
First we are finding remains of Roman paving...
1018
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:17,114
showing pictures of...an erotic nature.
1019
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:21,119
One of the pictures is showing an...
1020
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:23,157
- a wenus.
- A what?
1021
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:24,720
A wenus.
1022
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:27,798
You must know what a wenus is, no?
1023
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:31,157
Well, it's neither one thing nor the other,
really, is it?
1024
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:34,836
A wenus, Professor Crump,
is the goddess of love.
1025
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:36,832
Oh, you mean Venus!
1026
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:38,912
Is what I am saying. Wenus!
1027
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,674
We...we...ve...ve... Yes.
1028
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:46,232
OK. Next to her is standing
your man, who's holding his...
1029
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:47,959
Er. I don't know word.
1030
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:50,350
You are seen what man
is holding in his hand, no?
1031
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:51,669
Ye-es.
1032
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:53,319
What are you calling it in English?
1033
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,040
Well, you've...a very large choice, really.
1034
00:59:56,120 --> 00:59:58,077
No, it's not. It's one short word.
1035
00:59:58,160 --> 00:59:59,389
Much to the point.
1036
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:01,949
Well, it's long weapon
1037
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:03,997
with bend in middle.
1038
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:06,037
- Oh, you mean a bow.
- Bow. Bow.
1039
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:07,440
A bow. A bow and arrow.
1040
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:09,557
I thought you meant the chap who was firing it.
1041
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:12,394
In England we call him Cupid or Eros.
1042
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:15,040
Is not mattering, Professor Crump.
You will continue.
1043
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:19,560
He is firing arrow
1044
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:21,836
which is hitting people in arse.
1045
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:25,277
- In what?
- Hitting people in arse.
1046
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:26,396
In a...
1047
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:28,278
Harse. Hearts.
1048
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:31,835
Oh, I see.
1049
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,877
- There.
- Da.
1050
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,876
- It is time for knocking it off.
- For what?
1051
01:00:48,320 --> 01:00:50,755
You shouldn't have brought us all this.
1052
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:52,399
No, it was ever so nice of you.
1053
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:54,073
Still, we'll make it up to you.
1054
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:57,437
- How?
- I wonder what they'd like.
1055
01:00:57,520 --> 01:00:59,113
We'll soon have this up for you.
1056
01:00:59,200 --> 01:01:00,429
Oh, thanks.
1057
01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:04,275
Anyway, we'll just pop in the caravan
and get our things off.
1058
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:10,432
- D-Do you reckon?
- It looks like it.
1059
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:13,080
Waste of time putting it up, then.
1060
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:14,480
I wouldn't say that, Ern.
1061
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:19,795
- Hi!
- All right?
1062
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:21,155
We're ready.
1063
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,157
Are you all right?
1064
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:29,871
- Where are you going?
1065
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:31,917
Swimming. See you!
1066
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:33,559
Bye.
1067
01:01:33,640 --> 01:01:36,280
I'll teach you the breaststroke. Come on.
1068
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,156
Forget about 'em.
1069
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:43,233
Eh? Oh. Oh, I have.
1070
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:45,152
No, you haven't.
1071
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:47,550
You are brooding over that Sandra.
1072
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,678
Well, I was beginning to enjoy myself.
1073
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:52,877
Be philosophical.
1074
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,997
Plenty of time to pick up two more.
1075
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:56,878
Not like Sandra.
1076
01:01:56,960 --> 01:02:00,510
If you ask me, we had a lucky escape.
1077
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,512
It's a nice pub, this.
1078
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,160
It reminds me of the one we used to have.
1079
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:07,516
Oh. You...had a pub?
1080
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:09,398
Yes, until my husband gave it up.
1081
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,678
Oh. It's damned hard work, running a pub.
1082
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:16,993
It was too hard for him. He got worn out
just sitting there watching me do all the work.
1083
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:18,275
Are you...
1084
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:21,876
Separated? Yes.
I haven't seen my husband for ten years.
1085
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:24,555
- Care for another?
- No, thank you. He was enough.
1086
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:27,279
No...
1087
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:30,073
Would you care for another drink?
1088
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:31,435
No, I think I'm all right.
1089
01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:34,877
- I do, too.
- Major!
1090
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:36,713
Oh, I'm...sorry.
1091
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:38,359
I mean, not in here.
1092
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:40,909
I have an idea.
1093
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:44,471
What about popping back to my caravan
for a quick one?
1094
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:45,835
Yes, why not?
1095
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:55,192
- Good night.
- Oh, good night, madam.
1096
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:57,237
- Good night.
- Good night, Major.
1097
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:02,751
"Major"! He's a card, he is.
He calls himself a major.
1098
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:07,317
- Well, isn't he, then?
- More like a major disaster.
1099
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:09,835
Here, he's got the caravan site down the road.
1100
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:12,958
He's most likely nipping back,
see if it's still there.
1101
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:16,556
- Somebody might have nicked it?
- No, might have gone down one of them holes!
1102
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:18,393
Down one of what holes?
1103
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:22,269
Oh, the whole field is full of big holes.
It's the underground mining works.
1104
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:23,840
They reckon the Romans dug 'em.
1105
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,310
Well, we're up there,
and we haven't seen any holes.
1106
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:28,119
No, you're not likely to,
1107
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,874
till the ground opens
and down you go one of them.
1108
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:34,795
Here, listen. He paid £2,000 for that bit of land.
1109
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:37,797
£2,000!
1110
01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:43,355
I do not think that is very funny.
1111
01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:45,511
Nor me. Why are you laughing?
1112
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:49,514
Because I'm the one who sold it to him!
1113
01:03:58,240 --> 01:03:59,560
That's not funny.
1114
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:03,190
Major, I do believe
you're trying to get me sloshed.
1115
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:05,795
Heavens above! No, there's no need to.
1116
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:08,793
Er, what I...mean...was...
1117
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:11,395
only a damned swine
1118
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:15,474
- would try and get a girl drunk first.
- First?
1119
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:18,314
- Well, damn waste of time
getting her drunk after... Oops!
1120
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:21,438
No. Oh, no. Er, what I meant...
1121
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:22,510
Ah.
1122
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:25,798
What I meant...
would you care for a spot of music?
1123
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:27,837
Yes, why not?
1124
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:32,634
Ha, ha! This will get you in the mood for it.
1125
01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:34,951
- Get me in the mood for what?
1126
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:37,077
A spot of the old how's-your-father.
1127
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:39,277
Jaunty military tune
1128
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:42,398
Whoa! This'll get you going.
1129
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:45,593
It certainly will.
1130
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:49,310
Good night and thank you
for a most delightful evening.
1131
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:53,000
What a peculiar woman.
1132
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,557
Oh, he wants to go out.
1133
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:04,597
Good.
1134
01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:14,151
Well, close the door. It's nippy in here.
1135
01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:18,433
And come back to bed.
1136
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:21,797
- Well, somebody's got to let him in.
- Oh, to hell with him.
1137
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:24,109
Joe...
1138
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:26,078
Joe!
1139
01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:28,231
He's gone into next door's tent thing.
1140
01:05:37,960 --> 01:05:39,917
Linda...
1141
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:52,474
Oh, I say, I'm most awfully sorry.
1142
01:05:52,560 --> 01:05:54,995
- He didn't half give me a turn.
- Well, where is he?
1143
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:57,197
- Under there.
- Oh.
1144
01:05:57,280 --> 01:05:59,920
Oh! Aaah! Oh!
1145
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:06,080
- We slipped up.
- I couldn't help it.
1146
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:10,318
- She came in after it.
- I just tried to grab hold of it.
1147
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:12,790
Oh, yes?
1148
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:20,634
- What's the matter?
- I'd like you to sleep in the anexe.
1149
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:22,234
- Why?
- Because from now on,
1150
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:23,993
Arthur is sleeping in here.
1151
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:27,994
- All right, but I thought he was happy out there.
- He was. Too happy.
1152
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:35,391
Hello, darling!
1153
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:39,275
Hello, darling! Show us your knickers.
1154
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:52,674
Professor Crump?
1155
01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:55,675
Professor Crump!
1156
01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:59,798
- Yes?
- You were talking in your sleep.
1157
01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:03,510
- I wasn't, was I?
- You was.
1158
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,513
- What was I saying?
- You were saying, "Darling!"
1159
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,478
"Let me see your k-nickers!"
1160
01:07:08,560 --> 01:07:11,951
Oh. Yes, well, ah...no.
1161
01:07:12,040 --> 01:07:16,034
I expect what I probably said was,
"Show us your nicker."
1162
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:18,476
Ah. "K-nicker" is only one leg, no?
1163
01:07:18,560 --> 01:07:22,110
No, it's a slang expression meaning a pound.
1164
01:07:22,200 --> 01:07:23,714
Expression for money.
1165
01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:26,235
So you're wanting to know
where I'm hiding my money?
1166
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:28,516
Yes. That's right, of course.
1167
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:30,159
In my sleep, of course.
1168
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:32,232
I don't know what I'm saying in my sleep.
1169
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:34,551
Then how you know
I hide my money in my knickers?
1170
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,439
Well, I didn't know, but...are you?
1171
01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:40,513
Certainly. It's only safe place in explorations.
1172
01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:42,592
It depends on what you're exploring.
1173
01:07:42,680 --> 01:07:45,400
Professor Crump!
1174
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:46,914
Where are you hiding yours?
1175
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:49,917
I'm not hiding anything.
1176
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,993
- I keep mine in my trousers.
- Really?
1177
01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:00,635
Er...good morning.
1178
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,439
Good morning.
1179
01:08:02,520 --> 01:08:04,989
Are you all right? You look awful.
1180
01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:07,800
Me and Ernest had an evening out last night.
1181
01:08:07,880 --> 01:08:10,634
Yes, we heard you coming home.
1182
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:12,757
We haven't seen much of you lately.
1183
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:14,877
We've taken up archaeology.
1184
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,235
Have you dug anything up?
1185
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:19,472
- Yes, a couple of Roman soldiers.
- 2,000 years old.
1186
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:20,960
They won't do you much good.
1187
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:23,794
Oh, I don't know.
They look better than you do now.
1188
01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:25,075
That's a good one!
1189
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:28,717
Fred. Fred!
1190
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:30,996
- Goodbye, see you later.
1191
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:33,432
Could I speak to Mr. O'Sullivan, please?
1192
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:35,591
Barnes, get rid of that.
1193
01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:37,637
Right.
1194
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,559
Dear, oh, dear! You have made a hash of them.
1195
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:47,190
It's your guvnor, mate.
He's had the colour changed five times.
1196
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:50,478
You want to get that lot off, mate,
and start again.
1197
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:53,234
You get it off. We ain't got any paint stripper.
1198
01:08:53,320 --> 01:08:55,118
Ask him to get you some.
1199
01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:58,193
- You ask him.
- Right.
1200
01:08:58,280 --> 01:09:00,476
We want a girl singer for the cabaret.
1201
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,074
- It's a bad line. Stop that hammering!
1202
01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:07,117
- Hello.
- It's about them chairs.
1203
01:09:07,200 --> 01:09:09,476
Barnes, please. I'm on long-distance.
1204
01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:10,994
It'll all have to come off.
1205
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:13,436
Barnes! I'm talking to a theatrical agent.
1206
01:09:14,480 --> 01:09:17,632
- I'm very sorry about that. Where was I?
- We need a stripper.
1207
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,598
We need a stripper.
1208
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:21,717
Barnes! What are you going on about?
1209
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:24,395
We need a paint stripper for them chairs.
1210
01:09:24,480 --> 01:09:26,915
Well, you can't have any. Now, get out of it!
1211
01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:28,514
Oh.
1212
01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:30,831
I'm desperately sorry about that. Where was I?
1213
01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:33,196
Oh, you've got just the girl. Oh, jolly good.
1214
01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:36,159
I'll leave it all to you, shall I? Veronica, yes?
1215
01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:38,391
As long as she can get here by eight.
1216
01:09:38,480 --> 01:09:40,551
Right. Goodbye.
1217
01:09:40,640 --> 01:09:43,314
Here we go.
Just take a stone. Steady, now. Steady.
1218
01:09:44,840 --> 01:09:47,719
You're doing very well. That's very good, Clive.
1219
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:49,598
- Thank you, sir.
- Creep!
1220
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:52,514
Yes, carry on scraping.
1221
01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:58,032
What do you make of it?
1222
01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:00,077
Is old Roman tool.
1223
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:01,879
Must have been a very old Roman.
1224
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:06,551
Just to remind you that the clubhouse
1225
01:10:06,640 --> 01:10:08,359
will be opened in one hour from now.
1226
01:10:08,440 --> 01:10:10,397
Thank you.
1227
01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:13,598
Ah, Barnes. You'd better go
and smarten yourself up, hadn't you?
1228
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:15,717
You're serving behind the bar. What's that?
1229
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:17,757
It's a telegram.
1230
01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:19,797
Oh. Huh!
1231
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:24,879
Ah.
1232
01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:29,477
Can't stand health farm.
Arriving tonight. Sylvia and Vera.
1233
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:32,478
Look, I don't know any Sylvia and Vera.
1234
01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:34,313
That's cos it's not for you.
1235
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:35,959
Well, why the hell didn't you say so?
1236
01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:39,192
I didn't get a chance.
I wanted you to announce it over that thing.
1237
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:41,237
Oh, you...
1238
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:45,594
This is Major Speep leaking.
1239
01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:46,830
Speaking.
1240
01:10:46,920 --> 01:10:49,355
And here is another announcement.
1241
01:10:49,440 --> 01:10:51,397
Go on, hit it one with your shovel.
1242
01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:55,839
A...
1243
01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:11,557
Shht!
1244
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:15,117
- Fred?
- Shh!
1245
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:22,879
- What is it?
- It's fly spray.
1246
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:25,877
- Fly spray?
- Yes.
1247
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:30,757
Oh...
1248
01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:34,120
Whoo-hoo!
1249
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:36,078
There's some local talent going past.
1250
01:11:36,160 --> 01:11:37,594
Coming?
1251
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:40,354
I've got a feeling I'm going to be all right tonight.
1252
01:11:40,440 --> 01:11:41,999
I have, as well.
1253
01:11:49,880 --> 01:11:51,837
Zip me up, darling.
1254
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,671
Don't do that. Mummy wouldn't like it.
1255
01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:59,319
Mummy's not going to get it.
1256
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:01,198
I don't mean that. She might come in.
1257
01:12:01,280 --> 01:12:03,112
- Where is she?
- She went for a shower.
1258
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,193
- Ready!
- Just coming.
1259
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:08,397
Hello, darling. Show us your knickers!
1260
01:12:08,480 --> 01:12:10,437
There's a man in here!
1261
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:15,670
Hello, darling!
1262
01:12:17,360 --> 01:12:18,999
It's a mynah bird.
1263
01:12:19,080 --> 01:12:21,800
- What?
- Aren't you the lady that lost one?
1264
01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:23,633
- Is it yours?
- Get stuffed!
1265
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:25,837
Mine would never say things like that.
1266
01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:29,837
I can't go into the ladies' showers!
1267
01:12:29,920 --> 01:12:31,877
But there's a man in there already!
1268
01:12:31,960 --> 01:12:34,191
- Yes, but...
- He might attack someone!
1269
01:12:34,280 --> 01:12:36,237
- You're right - me!
- Oh...
1270
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:37,674
Oh!
1271
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:41,839
All right, ladies. Where is he?
1272
01:12:43,200 --> 01:12:47,080
- Daphne?
- Henry!
1273
01:12:48,120 --> 01:12:50,954
- What's up?
- It's my husband.
1274
01:12:53,560 --> 01:12:55,279
Oh, what a beauty!
1275
01:12:58,280 --> 01:13:00,237
Funky instrumental
1276
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:10,394
- Yes, sir?
- Where's Barnes?
1277
01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:12,312
Somebody said he'd fainted.
1278
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:14,437
- Fainted? Where?
- In the showers.
1279
01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:16,477
Too much for him, I suppose?
1280
01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:19,200
A lady took him back to his caravan.
1281
01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:25,277
Thanks, Daph.
1282
01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:28,910
How's your pudding?
1283
01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:30,878
How's my what?
1284
01:13:30,960 --> 01:13:32,997
Your steak-and-kidney pudding.
1285
01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:36,073
No-one can do it like you can.
1286
01:13:36,160 --> 01:13:37,833
I haven't done it for years.
1287
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:40,355
- Why not?
- Well, nobody but you ever liked it.
1288
01:13:40,440 --> 01:13:42,591
Oh.
1289
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:46,078
What are you doing down here, anyway?
1290
01:13:46,160 --> 01:13:48,117
Oh, I'm...I'm working.
1291
01:13:48,200 --> 01:13:49,634
What as?
1292
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:52,440
- I'm an odd-job man.
- Odd-job man?!
1293
01:13:53,840 --> 01:13:55,797
Oh, really, Henry!
1294
01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:57,758
Don't get on to me.
1295
01:13:57,840 --> 01:14:00,071
Look, Henry, if you need a few quid...
1296
01:14:00,160 --> 01:14:02,629
Oh, no, no. No, it's not that, Daph.
1297
01:14:02,720 --> 01:14:05,838
I've been living rough saving money.
I've been saving.
1298
01:14:05,920 --> 01:14:08,116
Saving? You?
1299
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:11,272
Don't say anything. Wait.
1300
01:14:11,360 --> 01:14:13,317
No, wait.
1301
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:21,319
Here. Have a look at my bank book.
1302
01:14:21,400 --> 01:14:23,153
There.
1303
01:14:23,240 --> 01:14:25,197
£20,000?!
1304
01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:27,869
I don't believe it.
1305
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:30,191
They don't write it down if you don't put it in.
1306
01:14:30,280 --> 01:14:31,430
Where did you get it?
1307
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:33,557
- Saved it.
- What? As an odd-job man?
1308
01:14:33,640 --> 01:14:34,869
Yep.
1309
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:37,600
You must have been doing some very odd jobs.
1310
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:39,990
I've been scrimping and saving for ten years.
1311
01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:42,269
And then, last year...
1312
01:14:42,360 --> 01:14:44,920
- Yes?
- I won the football pools!
1313
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:46,957
How much?
1314
01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:49,714
£19,950!
1315
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:51,871
You're joking!
1316
01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:57,239
It's all yours, Daph, if you want it -
every penny of it.
1317
01:14:57,320 --> 01:15:00,518
Henry, I...I don't know what to say.
1318
01:15:00,600 --> 01:15:01,920
No-one else, is there?
1319
01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:03,957
Well, no, but...
1320
01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,037
Come back to me, Daph.
1321
01:15:08,120 --> 01:15:09,600
I'll smarten myself up.
1322
01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:11,433
I'll try and be a good husband.
1323
01:15:11,520 --> 01:15:13,318
I'll do anything you want. Anything!
1324
01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:15,551
Henry, look, this is all so sudden.
1325
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:17,472
I'll have to have time to think.
1326
01:15:17,560 --> 01:15:19,517
Jazzy music
1327
01:15:23,840 --> 01:15:25,991
Oh, we're not from the caravan site.
1328
01:15:26,080 --> 01:15:28,037
No, we're from the village.
1329
01:15:28,120 --> 01:15:30,715
Ooh!
1330
01:15:30,800 --> 01:15:32,519
Erm, would you care to dance, then?
1331
01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:34,319
Oh, I'd love to.
1332
01:15:34,400 --> 01:15:36,357
Oh, sorry.
1333
01:15:39,280 --> 01:15:41,033
What about you, then?
1334
01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:43,476
Er, no, I...I can't do it any more.
1335
01:15:44,760 --> 01:15:46,877
- Do what?
- Dance.
1336
01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:50,719
Oh. Well, that's all right, then.
1337
01:15:50,800 --> 01:15:54,953
So I think we should be concentrating
on opening first excavation, no?
1338
01:15:55,040 --> 01:15:57,316
- Well, I don't know, because...
- No, no.
1339
01:15:57,400 --> 01:16:01,872
First we'll be opening house
where soldiers are coming for women. Yes.
1340
01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:05,749
Ah! I suppose you know by now
what we've been doing in that field.
1341
01:16:05,840 --> 01:16:07,991
I'm afraid it's no concern of mine.
1342
01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:09,878
I'm a civilian.
1343
01:16:10,920 --> 01:16:12,877
I'm also married.
1344
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:19,039
I don't understand
why the dog can't sleep outside the caravan.
1345
01:16:19,120 --> 01:16:22,750
- Oh, Joe, that's not fair.
- Last night he tried to get into bed with us.
1346
01:16:22,840 --> 01:16:25,355
He could cause havoc in bed with his bone.
1347
01:16:25,440 --> 01:16:27,671
Well, he gets lonely.
1348
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:29,592
I don't care if he does get lonely.
1349
01:16:29,680 --> 01:16:31,558
He's not getting in bed with us.
1350
01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:36,514
- He wanders about in the night.
- Hark who's talking!
1351
01:16:46,080 --> 01:16:48,595
I'm the cabaret. Sorry I'm late.
1352
01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:50,558
Oh, that's all right.
1353
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:53,633
Don't worry. please. I'm glad you could make it.
1354
01:16:54,680 --> 01:16:56,797
I was a bit worried about your music, you see.
1355
01:16:56,880 --> 01:16:58,109
We have a piano, of course.
1356
01:16:58,200 --> 01:17:00,715
- I brought it with me, on tape.
- Really? What do you sing?
1357
01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:02,439
- Oh, I don't sing.
- You don't?
1358
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:04,637
No. I'm er, a...dancer.
1359
01:17:04,720 --> 01:17:08,555
Oh. Well, never mind.
I'm sure you'll go down well.
1360
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:10,597
Jazzy music
1361
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:14,832
Ladies and gentlemen...
1362
01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:18,038
please, may I have your attention,
ladies and gentlemen!
1363
01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:21,113
Please be seated. It's cabaret time.
1364
01:17:26,480 --> 01:17:28,437
Ready when you are.
1365
01:17:30,440 --> 01:17:32,397
Striptease music
1366
01:18:01,400 --> 01:18:03,835
Here. I want it!
1367
01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:14,800
Ooh!
1368
01:18:20,120 --> 01:18:21,952
Good Lord.
1369
01:18:22,040 --> 01:18:24,839
- I believe she's doing a striptease.
- Looks like it.
1370
01:18:27,200 --> 01:18:29,874
Damn it! That's not what I ordered.
1371
01:18:48,840 --> 01:18:50,274
What is lady doing?
1372
01:18:50,360 --> 01:18:52,591
It's...a kind of dance.
1373
01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:55,991
It's very peculiar. In my country,
we don't have dance like this.
1374
01:18:56,080 --> 01:18:58,436
No, you have mixed bathing, instead.
1375
01:18:59,480 --> 01:19:00,880
But lady is not taking bath.
1376
01:19:03,520 --> 01:19:05,796
I hope she doesn't go too far.
1377
01:19:43,480 --> 01:19:46,439
Is wrong for lady showing
her k-nickers in public, no?
1378
01:19:46,520 --> 01:19:49,592
- Yes, I agree.
- So, we are leaving.
1379
01:20:03,840 --> 01:20:06,309
Oh! I can't stand up.
1380
01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:08,312
Well, I told you you should've worn 'em.
1381
01:20:27,400 --> 01:20:29,790
What are we going to do?
We can't go home like this.
1382
01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:33,078
- I've got a needle and thread.
- Have you? Come on, let's go.
1383
01:20:33,160 --> 01:20:34,674
Oh, it's an orgy.
1384
01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:38,350
I shall have my licence taken away.
1385
01:20:38,440 --> 01:20:40,318
ERN: Oh, oh! Cheers.
1386
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,312
Bottoms up.
1387
01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:45,919
I shall get to the bottom of this.
1388
01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:47,753
I feel a complete arse.
1389
01:20:47,840 --> 01:20:49,797
Oh, it's coming on to rain.
1390
01:20:49,880 --> 01:20:52,076
We all can't get in there.
1391
01:20:52,160 --> 01:20:54,152
It's all right. We can go in that caravan.
1392
01:20:54,240 --> 01:20:56,391
- Is it yours?
- No, but they won't mind.
1393
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:03,959
Hey, let's go down to our van, man.
1394
01:21:04,040 --> 01:21:06,350
- What?
- Yeah.
1395
01:21:08,480 --> 01:21:10,153
Better be quick. It's going to rain.
1396
01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:16,958
- It's all right. We haven't come to disturb you.
1397
01:21:17,040 --> 01:21:19,191
Come in, lads. Make yourselves at home.
1398
01:21:20,400 --> 01:21:23,154
Sit yourself down. Ernest, the drinks.
1399
01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:30,517
WOOh! Ooh!
1400
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:34,319
Oh!
1401
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:35,720
Hurry up, Sylvia.
1402
01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:37,757
Phwoar, look at that!
1403
01:21:40,640 --> 01:21:42,836
Come here, darling.
1404
01:21:46,800 --> 01:21:49,269
- Awful weather we're having, lovely.
- Ooh!
1405
01:21:50,360 --> 01:21:51,794
Ooh!
1406
01:21:51,880 --> 01:21:53,155
Don't hit me!
1407
01:21:56,560 --> 01:22:00,793
Daph! We haven't done this for ten years.
1408
01:22:00,880 --> 01:22:03,440
DAPHNE:
Well. don't talk so much. Get on with it.
1409
01:22:03,520 --> 01:22:05,477
Here.
1410
01:22:05,560 --> 01:22:07,199
Have a look at this.
1411
01:22:07,280 --> 01:22:09,351
Lay it on the table. so I can see it.
1412
01:22:09,440 --> 01:22:11,033
Ooh. you've got two.
1413
01:22:11,120 --> 01:22:13,919
Yeah! Two aces and three kings.
1414
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:15,957
It's a full house.
1415
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:19,912
- Well, I...
- Daph.
1416
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:21,957
Oh, don't go. Give us a kiss.
1417
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:25,879
Don't start that again.
I've told you, I haven't decided yet.
1418
01:22:25,960 --> 01:22:28,031
Well, give us a kiss and then decide.
1419
01:22:29,520 --> 01:22:32,319
No. Now, deal the cards.
1420
01:22:32,400 --> 01:22:35,472
Arthur, I don't know
where Mummy could've got to.
1421
01:22:35,560 --> 01:22:38,120
- Perhaps some fella picked her up.
- Don't be so coarse.
1422
01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:40,157
Or perhaps she picked up some fella.
1423
01:22:42,440 --> 01:22:44,671
- Ow!
- Serves you right.
1424
01:23:04,520 --> 01:23:06,477
Hums Russian melody
1425
01:23:10,800 --> 01:23:13,520
Continues to hum
1426
01:23:13,600 --> 01:23:15,000
Is making nice tune, no?
1427
01:23:15,080 --> 01:23:17,549
If you like it so much,
why don't you come up this end?
1428
01:23:17,640 --> 01:23:20,758
Professor! You're making invitation, no?
1429
01:23:20,840 --> 01:23:23,560
No, I meant you come up this end
1430
01:23:23,640 --> 01:23:25,233
and I'll come up your end.
1431
01:23:25,320 --> 01:23:27,277
No, no. Is nicer this end.
1432
01:23:36,560 --> 01:23:38,313
Nice to have 'em back.
1433
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:43,391
- I've missed 'em, you know.
- Me too.
1434
01:23:51,280 --> 01:23:54,000
- What's that? What's that?
1435
01:23:54,080 --> 01:23:57,676
- Get him off me! Get that -
1436
01:23:58,880 --> 01:24:01,076
Look at the time. We've been playing all night.
1437
01:24:01,160 --> 01:24:03,197
- Just like we used to.
- Well, I must go.
1438
01:24:03,280 --> 01:24:04,919
- No, no.
- Yes, I must.
1439
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:07,720
- Oh, my God!
1440
01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:13,319
Ooh, what's happened?
1441
01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:15,232
Who cares?
1442
01:24:22,400 --> 01:24:24,790
Aaah!
1443
01:24:24,880 --> 01:24:27,554
- Ooh! Naughty Professor.
- It's all right. I'm just going.
1444
01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:29,791
Oh, is no rush, is no rush.
1445
01:24:29,880 --> 01:24:32,349
Aah! Oh, oh! Oh, no.
1446
01:24:32,440 --> 01:24:35,080
- Is no rush, is no rush.
- Ooh...
1447
01:24:39,720 --> 01:24:41,518
What's happening?
1448
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:43,592
It's them holes. They warned us.
1449
01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:46,036
The whole caravan site is riddled with big holes.
1450
01:24:46,120 --> 01:24:48,032
Well, we seem to be all right.
1451
01:24:48,120 --> 01:24:49,520
Better check, though.
1452
01:24:49,600 --> 01:24:51,557
Ernest?
1453
01:24:55,160 --> 01:24:57,038
- You all right?
- Yes.
1454
01:24:57,120 --> 01:24:58,839
I don't think there's holes round here.
1455
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:01,389
Aah!
1456
01:25:01,480 --> 01:25:03,551
- Oh!
- What's the matter?
1457
01:25:05,520 --> 01:25:07,910
Where are they?
1458
01:25:09,280 --> 01:25:10,316
FRED: Blub-blub!
1459
01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:21,117
Oh, Barnes. You are coming back?
1460
01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:22,839
Yes. I may do, Major.
1461
01:25:22,920 --> 01:25:26,197
- When?
- Next year, on our holidays.
1462
01:25:27,600 --> 01:25:28,829
Drive on, Arthur.
1463
01:25:43,200 --> 01:25:44,600
Come again.
1464
01:25:46,120 --> 01:25:48,396
Oh. How do you do?
1465
01:25:48,480 --> 01:25:50,631
Oh - a couple of birds we picked up.
1466
01:25:50,720 --> 01:25:53,758
- Oh!
- I think we're going to be all right with these two.
1467
01:25:56,240 --> 01:25:57,196
Bye-bye.
1468
01:26:04,480 --> 01:26:06,949
Isn't it exciting?
Yes!
1469
01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:10,431
VOOSHKA:
So that is what they calling "having it off", no?
1470
01:26:10,520 --> 01:26:13,513
Ye-ye- Here. Not so loud!
1471
01:26:13,600 --> 01:26:15,557
Put your piece in.
1472
01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:20,353
- Ooh, no, it's rude.
- Oh...
1473
01:26:20,440 --> 01:26:22,079
Oh, what a beauty!
1474
01:26:23,440 --> 01:26:25,397
Thank you very much for your lovely gift.
1475
01:26:25,480 --> 01:26:27,517
Oh, that's all right. It was nothing.
1476
01:26:27,600 --> 01:26:29,557
I can't think why she sold him.
1477
01:26:29,640 --> 01:26:31,359
Get stuffed!
1478
01:26:32,360 --> 01:26:33,510
Show us your knickers.
1479
01:26:35,160 --> 01:26:38,710
Oh, here! Ooh, stop messing about!
108087
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