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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,880 You're trending. You retweeted a white supremacist. 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:04,920 Retweeted a what? A Nazi. 3 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:05,920 Jesus! 4 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,360 Well, how was I supposed to know? He didn't have any of the gear on. 5 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,760 I'm pretty sure that... 6 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,400 ..I'm your son. 7 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,880 There's no way I can be your father. 8 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,680 - It was only a couple of times...ish. - Sorry? 9 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,320 Are you arguing the toss about how babies are made? 10 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,120 Probably should have mentioned this earlier, 11 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,320 but I'm on the autism spectrum. 12 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,560 I mean, famous children's book author, son's autistic, 13 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,560 dad goes on a journey of understanding. 14 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,200 There could be a book in it. Could be a documentary. 15 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,760 So...perhaps, 16 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,280 I don't know, we could grab some lunch tomorrow. 17 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,280 I'd really like that. 18 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,640 Thank you, Mr Hartswood. 19 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,200 Oh, please! "Mr Hartswood". 20 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,520 Just call me, erm... 21 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:47,680 ..Jules. 22 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:48,880 Call me Jules if you like. 23 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:53,520 I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me calling you Dad? 24 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,080 Or how about... 25 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,760 ..my middle name's Tristram. 26 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,240 No. Sorry, uh...uh, Father. 27 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,640 Uh, D-Dad. 28 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,320 Uh...Dad's cool. 29 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:03,320 OK, then. 30 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,200 I guess I'll see you tomorrow for lunch... 31 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,840 ..then... 32 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,360 ..Dad. 33 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,600 Mum. 34 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,000 Dad and I have arranged to go out for lunch tomorrow. 35 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,080 'Dad'? At a restaurant. 36 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,160 A restaurant? That's a bit formal. 37 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,880 Maybe I should come with you. I'd actually prefer that you didn't. 38 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,720 Well...I'm a good plus one. Mum! 39 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,280 I'm a grown man. I know. 40 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:40,760 But...I don't know. I'm fun. 41 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,800 Are you trying to muscle in on my quality time with Dad? 42 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,400 Why did you tell me about him if you didn't want me to meet him? 43 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,200 Well, you sort of backed me into a corner. 44 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,720 Technically, you were sitting at the table. 45 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,000 A metaphorical corner. 46 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,440 And I'd had a big glass of rose. 47 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,400 Anyway, a restaurant? 48 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:56,720 Let's just go together. 49 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,560 Mum! I can do this on my own. 50 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,280 What if at the restaurant, what if there's a screaming child? 51 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,880 Why would there be a screaming child? 52 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:08,080 Are...are you trying to add to Austin's list of no-go locations? 53 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,840 Restaurants are fine, Austin. 54 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:10,840 Thanks, Grandad. 55 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,560 At least one person is beginning to make some sense around here. 56 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,080 Just let him meet the man for lunch. 57 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,760 I just don't know what his intentions are. 58 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,240 Well, you should have worried about his intentions 59 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,280 28 years ago. 60 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,480 Yes. Thank you, Dad. 61 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,840 No, no. Thank you. 62 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,800 I mean, really, it's great explaining to everyone 63 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,720 what it's like growing up with a racist as a father. 64 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,880 Hang on. I may as well just drop out of uni. 65 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,040 The best revenge, Florence, would be first-class honours. 66 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,160 First of all, Flo, I don't see why you'd need to quit uni. 67 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,280 Oh, really? 68 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,400 Everyone knowing you're a massive racist doesn't give me cause? 69 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,800 Well, that doesn't make YOU a racist. 70 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,840 The first move there should have been to deny BEING a racist. 71 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,200 Well, I'd hope everyone here knows that. 72 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,520 Do you know what? 73 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,280 Do you know that the lecturers give trigger warnings 74 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,640 when I walk into class? 75 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:52,840 Well, I suppose that is thoughtful. 76 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,240 It's just a misunderstanding, you know. We're...we're sorting it out. 77 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,440 The reason we're actually calling 78 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,440 is 'cause we have some big news to tell you, Flo. 79 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,040 Your father's had an affair with an Australian woman. 80 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,040 What? Dad! 81 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,120 You've only been there for a few days. 82 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,520 It was almost 30 years ago, and it wasn't an affair, 83 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,680 and that's not the big news. 84 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,800 Well, if it wasn't an affair, Julian, what was it? 85 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,400 The big news is that you have a half-brother. 86 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,480 I've discovered I have a son here called Austin. 87 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:21,120 Yes, it was the sort of non-affair that produces a baby. 88 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,680 I mean, you're just trolling my mental health now. 89 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:27,880 Crusts, Grandad? 90 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,000 Well, I'm not an animal. 91 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,640 Right. I've had a brainwave. 92 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:32,720 Debatable. 93 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,440 Well, I was thinking, it might be more fun 94 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:38,360 if Julian comes here to the house today for lunch instead. 95 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,200 You know, more fun. Yeah? 96 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,840 Well, I don't want to offend you both, but... 97 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,120 ..I'm not sure I want Dad to meet you guys 98 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,440 before he's properly bonded with me. 99 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,920 Well, he's already met your mother. 100 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,720 More than once, I'd say. 101 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:51,720 Righto, Dad. 102 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,800 My father is a man of letters. 103 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,040 He lives in London, for God's sake. 104 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,480 He's used to mixing with artists, judges, ombudsmen. 105 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,520 Well, I...I do sudoku. 106 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,360 Look, if he comes to the house, Austin, 107 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,000 you'll be able to show him your models. 108 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,400 I did think that a great way to get to know me could be 109 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,400 a PowerPoint presentation! 110 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,640 There you go. 111 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,080 I think you're onto something there, Mum. 112 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,760 Good grief. Well, uh, thank you very much. 113 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,880 You're up early. Where have you been? Swimming. 114 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,600 Remember when Big Bear's barn burned down? 115 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,920 He's devastated but then realises he can see the moon? 116 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:27,680 Yeah. I've had one of those moments. 117 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,200 Like, maybe there's a silver lining in this for me too. 118 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,200 I mean, after all, 119 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:35,960 to rebalance the marriage, I now feel that I am owed my own, A... 120 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,240 ..baby... 121 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,720 A baby? ..and, B, extramarital wham-whams. 122 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,200 You're 51. That's not physically possible. 123 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,280 I mean, I'm...I'm talking about the first one, not the second. 124 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,320 Oh, that's just not true. 125 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,680 Isabella the trumpeter saw a doctor, Dr Rostami, in Cyprus, 126 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,560 who helped her conceive naturally, more or less, at the age of 53. 127 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:56,080 Well, that's certainly a thought to get the passions racing. 128 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,120 A glib remark, Julian? 129 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,840 And it wasn't technically extramarital, 130 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,520 as we weren't married at that point. 131 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,000 Is this semantics as well? 132 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,320 It was more like extra...curricular? 133 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,680 No, that doesn't sound, erm... Extracurr...extracurricular? 134 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,960 Oh, very well put, Julian. What? So I'm maths and she's netball? 135 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,400 I didn't mean that. 136 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,960 Shit. 137 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,240 Idiota! Idiota! 138 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,000 Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 139 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,880 One oat latte. 140 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,520 Thanks. 141 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:31,840 Nice tatt. 142 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,720 ..toos. 143 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,160 Did it hurt? 144 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,520 Uh...nup. 145 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,240 I've always wanted a tattoo. 146 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,320 Don't do it. 147 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,360 Pure skin's much sexier. 148 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,640 Ingrid. Luke. 149 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,440 Yeah. No, that's, uh... 150 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,440 Is there, um... 151 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,600 ..anything else I can do for you, Ingrid? 152 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,840 I don't know! 153 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,800 Um...I was thinking of maybe taking up 154 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,600 an extracurricular activity 155 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,480 and...just wondered if you... 156 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,280 ..had anything you'd recommend. 157 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,720 Have you ever tried bouldering? 158 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,240 Beg your pardon? 159 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,360 Oh, yes. 160 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,920 N-no. Um... 161 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,960 But I have been truffle-hunting in the Dolomites. 162 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,480 Order up. 163 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,960 Excuse me. 164 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,960 Right. 165 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,800 Truffle-hunting in the Dolomites! 166 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,000 Ah. Hello. 167 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,000 There you are. Yep. 168 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,400 Erm...just had a call from Mel. That's Austin's mum. 169 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,040 Let me guess. Austin's a twin. 170 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,440 Oh, no. She suggested lunch at her house today. 171 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,440 Oh, how very nice. 172 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,520 You and me and the woman you had a non-extramarital affair with. 173 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,600 Well...actually, she didn't specifically mentioned you by name. 174 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,680 Ah, but I'm sure you're invited. 175 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,840 Erm...I just thought it'd probably be a bit boring for you, you know. 176 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,440 Why don't you just stay here and, um...relax? 177 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,280 Shall I? Shall I do that? 178 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,400 Uh, yeah. 179 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,320 No. 180 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,920 No. No, of course not. 181 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,480 You should, erm... Because I AM coming. 182 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,560 Great. Yep. 183 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,160 Is that what you're wearing? Is that what YOU'RE wearing? 184 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,800 Well, minus the apron. 185 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,560 What are you making? 186 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,160 Vegetable lasagne. Salad. Wine. 187 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,320 Mum! These people are from Great Britain, for Pete's sake. 188 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,880 Home of Rosamund Pike, Billie Piper, David Tennant, 189 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,680 The Great British Bake Off. 190 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,560 Now, where is it? Ah! 191 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,120 Now, what about this? 192 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,400 Lobster thermidor. 193 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,280 I'm making vegetable lasagne, Austin. 194 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,840 If you want lobster thermidor, you can make it. 195 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,680 OK, so... 196 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,160 ..where do we keep the lobsters? 197 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,600 What's that? 198 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,400 Yeah, Heidi's PR guys drafted a statement. 199 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:05,320 "I wholeheartedly apologise for the offence caused." 200 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,880 What accent do you think you're doing exactly? 201 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,200 South Africa, I think. 202 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,800 Could be Holland. 203 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,440 Erm... 204 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,560 ..yeah. 205 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,720 Erm...how about 206 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,160 "I apologise IF any offence was caused"? 207 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,040 I think that's more my voice. 208 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,720 If it was your voice, Julian, it'd be more nasally and obnoxious. 209 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,040 I think you should just leave it. Whole thing's a bit kneejerk anyway. 210 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,920 I think we should just park it. 211 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,520 I'm feeling a bit DON'T park it. 212 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,120 What time is it ready? 213 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,800 That comes out of the oven at quarter past. 214 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,520 Is that by the clock on the oven or your timepiece? 215 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,560 Clock on the oven. 216 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,600 Can you give me your timepiece? 217 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,960 I'd like to synchronise it to the clock on the oven. 218 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:45,960 It's synchronised. 219 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,600 You weren't accurate when the clocks changed 220 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,920 and it's been three minutes out for months. 221 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,240 No, it hasn't. 222 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,680 You're perpetually three minutes late, Mum. 223 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,760 I thought you were doing it to wind me up, 224 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,040 only I realise it's merely neglect. 225 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,360 I'll get that. 226 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,400 Mel! Wow. 227 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,800 Uh, you haven't changed a bit. 228 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,200 Erm... 229 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,200 ..you don't look a day older. 230 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,320 This is... 231 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,920 ..my wonderful wife, Ingrid... 232 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,120 ..who also doesn't look a day... 233 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,920 Julian, drop it. 234 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,640 Hello. 235 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:21,720 Hi. How's it going? 236 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,800 Yes. Sorry, what? 237 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,920 Oh, sorry. Lovely to meet you. 238 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:25,960 Oh. Oh. 239 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,560 Now, Julian, before we do this, I need to know. 240 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,640 Are you fully in on this? You're not gonna bail? 241 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,960 What, on lunch? No, we've brought wine. 242 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,640 Erm...yeah. Very expensive wine. 243 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,560 Why is Australian wine so much more expensive than French? 244 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,560 Julian! 245 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,880 No, I mean bail on Austin. 246 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:40,880 Like, you... 247 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,160 ..I don't want you waltzing into his life and right back out. 248 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:47,400 Waltzing? So before we do this, are you in? 249 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,440 Right. Um... 250 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:54,600 That's sort of...putting me on the spot a bit. 251 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,600 He's autistic. 252 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,160 He's vulnerable. 253 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,160 Yeah, well, so am I! 254 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,000 Uh, we wouldn't actually be in this predicament if... 255 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,840 ..I don't know, you'd thought to tell me I had a son 256 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,440 sometime in the past few decades! 257 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,880 Julian! You're shouting. 258 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,480 I'm not shouting! Whoa! 259 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,040 Why does anyone with clear diction always get told... 260 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,400 Shall we take this, uh, tete-a-tete inside? 261 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,360 Better acoustics. 262 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,400 Oh! Goodness. 263 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,880 It's Julian, right? Hi. Yeah. 264 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,040 I'm Bill. Or William if you want. 265 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,080 William! Hello. Yes. 266 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,520 I don't actually know why I said that. It's...it's just Bill. 267 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,720 Right. Uh, this is Ingrid, my wife. 268 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,440 Thank you so much for having us. 269 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,720 It's a pleasure. 270 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,760 Uh...Julian, uh, 271 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,600 I've got something for you. 272 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:38,640 Oh! 273 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,880 It's, uh, 28 years too late, but, uh... 274 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,320 Don't give him the condom, Dad. 275 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,160 Well, I can't now! 276 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,200 You've ruined the punchline. 277 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:50,800 Ah! 278 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,840 Hello, Dad. 279 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,200 Hello, Ingrid. 280 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,640 I apologise about my family. 281 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,200 It's kind of embarrassing. 282 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,000 I'm just trying to break the ice. 283 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,560 Great. 284 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:03,720 You look very smart. 285 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:04,720 Yes. Thank you. 286 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,000 Um...uh, 287 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,960 may I start you off with a beverage? 288 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,560 Oh! Yes, indeed. 289 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,920 That's very kind. 290 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,720 This is very, um... 291 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,440 ..laminated. 292 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,720 I was trying to give him this, but your...your...your mother ruined it. 293 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,880 It's an excellent joke, Dad, and you tell it well. 294 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,720 Excuse me a moment. 295 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,360 Hope you didn't buy it especially, Bill. 296 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,320 Oh, no, no. 297 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,960 They've got a little dish of them down at the doctor's. 298 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,240 I was, uh, getting my bloods for my prostate. 299 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,120 Have you had your prostate checked, Julian? 300 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,840 Sort of feel like I'm having it examined right now. 301 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,520 That's the wit of the British right there. 302 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,520 Do you know who you remind me of? 303 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,640 Uh...no. Go on. 304 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:49,920 Uh, Hugh Grant? No. 305 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,160 Hugh Laurie? 306 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,520 No. 307 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,360 Mrs Brown's Boys. 308 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,080 The bloke in the dress! 309 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,120 Brilliant! 310 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,640 Yeah. 311 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,120 So... 312 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,240 This is incredibly awkward. 313 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,280 Bit of a shock. 314 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,120 Um, but... 315 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:14,280 ..no hard feelings. 316 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,240 Hard feelings? Why...? 317 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,000 Well, you obviously didn't know about me, so... 318 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,000 ..it's not your fault. 319 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,200 Or... 320 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,320 ..did you? 321 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,960 Well, not until after we broke up. 322 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,840 Broke up? What, do you... you mean you were...? 323 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,240 Uh, I...I think we were actually 324 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,560 technically seeing him at the same time. 325 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,160 You have got to be kidding me. 326 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,280 I mean, I thought WE were a couple until he said we'd not had the chat. 327 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,200 What chat? And then you guys went to Italy? 328 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,640 Hang on. What...uh... 329 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,840 Florence, maybe? Oh! You've got to be kidding me! 330 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,080 He...he said the tickets were non-refundable. 331 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,080 Anyway. 332 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,280 Uh, uh...look, he obviously definitely chose the right woman. 333 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,240 I mean... He... What an absolute toad. 334 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,000 You know what? I might actually have one of these too. 335 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,880 What a colossal clod-humping... 336 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,480 ..fink. 337 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,400 Doctor puts on gloves, bit of lube on the finger. 338 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,840 It's over in a few minutes. 339 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,680 I was, uh, 340 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,360 quite worried b-beforehand, uh, you know, but, uh, 341 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,640 in the end, I think, erm, not an unpleasant experience. 342 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,480 Not that I... I got aroused or anything, but... 343 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,680 It'd be fine, uh, if I did. 344 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,960 I mean, I'm... I'm not homo...uh, uh... 345 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,040 ..uh, um, erm... 346 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,440 ..if...if... people accuse me of being gay, 347 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,360 I'm...I'm...I'm flattered. 348 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,040 Not that it's an accusation, but... hey, you know, it's not a crime. 349 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:36,000 Well...well, it still is in some African nations, sadly, and... 350 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,280 ..even in this country. 351 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,720 They didn't let 'em get married until 2017. 352 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,200 Uh, uh, I guess the point I'm trying to make is, 353 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,400 I didn't mind having a finger in my bum. 354 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,080 I'll have a glass of red wine. 355 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,440 You got it, Dad. A large one, please. 356 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,640 Austin tells me your book tour's been cancelled. 357 00:13:58,640 --> 00:13:59,880 Hmm. Cancelled. 358 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,240 That word again, Julian. 359 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,560 Storm in a teacup. Is it? 360 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:04,600 Yes. Yes, it is. Is it, though? 361 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,600 Yes. Is it actually? 362 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,080 - Yes, it is. - Correction, Grandad. 363 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,240 I did not say that Dad's BOOK TOUR has been cancelled. 364 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,400 Thank you, Austin. I said DAD'S been cancelled. 365 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,400 I mean, uh... 366 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,760 Julian reposted a racist on social media. 367 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,040 I didn't know the guy was racist, and the post itself wasn't racist. 368 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,480 So you just repeated something not racist that a racist said? 369 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,480 Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's fine. 370 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,720 Thank you, Austin. You're the first person to take a rational view. 371 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,440 You must be concerned it'll affect sales. 372 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,760 Yes, I think it WILL affect sales. I think the jury's out. 373 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:32,800 I think the jury's very much in. 374 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,160 - I think the jury's out. - Dad. 375 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,120 Julian and Ingrid didn't come here to answer your questions. 376 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,200 Correct. They came to answer MINE. 377 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,320 According to your Wikipedia entry, 378 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,160 it mentions you've been six times nominated 379 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,400 for the British Book Awards for children's literature 380 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,240 and won three times. 381 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,240 Mmm. 382 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:59,280 But on your publisher's website, it states that you've won only once. 383 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,640 - Oh. Curious. - Austin. 384 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,720 How many of these questions 385 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:05,040 are about inconsistencies with the, uh, Wikipedia page? 386 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,440 18. Maybe skip over these questions. 387 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,200 If we skip them, they won't be resolved. 388 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,440 Austin, just skip them. 389 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,600 Fine! 390 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,760 Why did you have sex with my mother? 391 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:17,760 Oh! 392 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,640 Uh, uh...uh, Austin, mate, you can't ask that. 393 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,120 Sorry. He's very direct. 394 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,080 Doesn't beat around the bush. 395 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,440 Pun intended. 396 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,800 Uh, no, no, no. Pun not intended. 397 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,440 Julian IS his dad. 398 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,840 I think Austin should be able to ask whatever he wants. 399 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,440 And I, for one, would love to know that answer. 400 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:36,960 Oh. 401 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,240 Uh...well, Austin, erm... 402 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,800 ..I mean, we were very young. 403 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:41,800 Erm.. 404 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,400 ..I mean, your... your mother was very attractive. 405 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,440 I mean, IS very attractive. 406 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:47,560 Was, uh, very attractive. 407 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,040 And...we got to know each other. 408 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,360 And... 409 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,800 ..I came to respect her enormously. 410 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,360 Then... 411 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,560 ..one thing led to... 412 00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,560 ..another. 413 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,360 I mean, the world of events catering is a very charged atmosphere. 414 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,360 So...you know... 415 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,320 Not for one minute did I think it would lead to... 416 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,840 ..uh, a child. 417 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:09,920 Yeah. 418 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,320 Do you not know how sex works? 419 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,520 It's a fair point. 420 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,320 Maybe we go back to the Wikipedia questions. 421 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,000 Let's go back to the Wikipedia questions, then. 422 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,760 Were you at any point intending 423 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,360 to ask for my mother's hand in marriage? 424 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,000 Oh, that is such a good question, Austin. 425 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,760 Honestly... 426 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,960 ..I mean, it popped into my head, once, 427 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,080 uh, while we were actually, um... 428 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,840 Sorry, is that a bit too honest? 429 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,000 I...I can be a bit too honest sometimes. 430 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,200 I...I think that's why I... I became a writer, erm, actually. 431 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,640 Um... 432 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,920 Well, I have a question for you, Austin. 433 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,280 Sure. How long have you known about me? 434 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,440 Well, Mum always told me that I was conceived 435 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,520 with the help of a sperm donor. 436 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:58,240 Which is kind of true, really. 437 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,800 But then, when I told her that I was coming to your book signing, 438 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,280 because I'm an all-time Big Bear fan, 439 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,040 she finally admitted the truth. 440 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,440 You told him I was a sperm donor? 441 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,080 Uh, would you care to see one of my castle models, Dad? 442 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,840 Erm... 443 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:14,880 Wait a minute. 444 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,280 When did you find out you were pregnant? 445 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,120 Couple of weeks after I got home. 446 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:22,040 How long were you two actually shagging for? 447 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,120 Three months. Two weeks. 448 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,800 Look, you should actually be flattered. 449 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,160 I was trying to choose between you and you won! 450 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,520 Or... 451 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:34,920 ..did you choose me because our holiday was non-refundable, Julian? 452 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,560 Yes, I've...I've been told. 453 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,440 Oh... ..well, I'm sorry. 454 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,920 Some of us have to work for a living. 455 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,160 And did you marry me for my financial cushion? 456 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,800 Oh! 457 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,160 I have Edinburgh, Durham and... 458 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,440 ..Windsor. 459 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,880 So nice to have a base, isn't it? 460 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,520 Ooh, they've waved their magic wand in here. 461 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,120 Hey. 462 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,840 That Bill's a character, isn't he? 463 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,480 I mean, maybe a tad broad, but, uh... 464 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,200 What are you doing? 465 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,280 Spritzing perfume. 466 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,560 For, uh...? 467 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:21,560 I'm going out. 468 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,720 For...for a walk or...? 469 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,920 You know, I'm just having so many unmanageable emotions, Julian. 470 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,120 I think it's best if I have my affair now, get it out the way. 471 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,200 You're gonna have an affair NOW? 472 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,840 Yeah. Well, I mean, or what? 473 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,000 Have my heart turn black and age in dog years? 474 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,120 But affairs take a while to brew, don't they? 475 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,880 You know, to marinate. 476 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,680 Oh, is that so? So I'm told. 477 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,240 You're quite the sexpert all of a sudden. 478 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,560 I'm not a sexpert. 479 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,160 You don't think I CAN have an affair. 480 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,160 Well, I'm just saying. 481 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,480 I mean... 482 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,720 ..we're not getting any younger, are we? 483 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,040 Watch me. 484 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,840 I said WE. I said WE'RE not getting any younger. WE! 485 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,080 Wait! What about the baby? Let's go to Cyprus. 486 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,240 It's not either/or, Julian. 487 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,320 What do you mean, it's not either/or? 488 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,720 You're gonna have a baby as well? 489 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,240 Where there's a willy... 490 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,520 ..there's a way. 491 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,120 I didn't get to give my PowerPoint. 492 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,080 Oh. Maybe next time. 493 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,840 Mum, Grandad, 494 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,640 do you think I personally came across OK? 495 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:24,840 Because I'm very keen to ingratiate myself with my father and Ingrid. 496 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,400 Partly for emotional reasons 497 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,120 and partly because I'd like to visit Britain. 498 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,600 Oh! Austin. As always, you were a delight. 499 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,240 Topnotch, pal. Good. 500 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:38,720 Now, I jotted down a few notes on how YOU performed, 501 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,680 a list of positives and work-ons. 502 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,960 Mum, your outfit could have been a little more formal/ladylike, 503 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,680 but on the plus side, you smell great. 504 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,800 Grandad, you did not smell great. 505 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,640 Really? We're getting a performance review, are we? 506 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,600 Would you prefer I emailed it? Possibly. 507 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,560 Make sure you copy in Grandad. 508 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,280 Roger that. 509 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,720 Ingrid. 510 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,840 Hi. 511 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,480 You remember me? 512 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,800 Remember you? Of course. 513 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,320 What can I get you? 514 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,360 Something... 515 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,280 I don't know. What do you recommend? 516 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,320 I'm feeling a bit... 517 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,880 ..daring. 518 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,000 Oh, really? Mmm. 519 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,280 Maybe...uh... 520 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,640 Spicy margarita. 521 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,120 Spicy margarita! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 522 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,120 Sorry. Um... 523 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,160 Yeah, but I'll...I'll... I'll have that. 524 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,880 The hotter, the better. 525 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,120 Hot and spicy coming up. 526 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,800 No. You have to guess. 527 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,640 How old do you think I am? 528 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,040 Um... 529 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,240 ..well, your face is... 530 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,480 But your decolletage... 531 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,560 Ooh. My decolletage. 532 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,640 Low blow. 533 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,600 I'm gonna say... 534 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,040 ..42? 535 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,840 Nicely done. 536 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,720 I'm 51. 537 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,800 Honestly, over 35, I think it's hard to tell. 538 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:17,840 Ingrid. 539 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:18,840 Mm-hm? 540 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,120 Have you ever been with a younger man? 541 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,880 When I was younger. Yeah. 542 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,480 Since being older. 543 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,480 Oh, I see. 544 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,480 Erm... 545 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,920 ..no, I haven't. 546 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,200 Just how young are you? 547 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,480 30. 548 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,000 30? 549 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,520 And I, uh, finish in half an hour. 550 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,360 Drink me? 551 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,280 Drink... Sorry, I beg your pardon? 552 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,680 Drink with me? 553 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:47,880 Oh. 554 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,360 Ooh. 555 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,200 Can I phone a friend? 556 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,680 29 minutes. 557 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,440 Hot. 558 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,400 Go. 559 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,040 Hot. 560 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,160 Hot. 561 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,800 Yeah, she's just gone out for a bit. 562 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,520 We're, um, uh... 563 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,880 Oh, that's fine. It'll all be fine. You know. 564 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,280 I think she just wants to, you know... 565 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,920 ..show me that she has some, uh... 566 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:19,960 ..you know... 567 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,800 ..that she's taking this lying down. 568 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,880 I mean, not lying down. 569 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,320 Won't be lying down at all. 570 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,440 Huh. 571 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,520 So...just the club sandwich, then? 572 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,200 Yes, please. Yeah, yeah. Thanks. 573 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,800 For me, it's... 574 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,000 ..it's not just a sport. 575 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,840 It's a spiritual thing. You know? 576 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,280 Just out there alone on the water, 577 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,080 in the majesty of nature. 578 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,800 Just you and... 579 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:49,800 ..the ocean. 580 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,000 I never thought of snorkelling in that way before. 581 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,200 You...should really give it a go. Yeah. 582 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,480 You'd love it. Yeah? 583 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,080 I've done it three times. 584 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,320 Only sunk once. 585 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,440 We're just here. Oh, right. Yeah. 586 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:06,960 Careful. Oh! Oh! Watch out. 587 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,080 Careful. Me too. 588 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,040 Whoo! 589 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,160 Would you like a drink? 590 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,320 Yeah. 591 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,880 Actually, I'd quite like some water. 592 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,600 When I get back, you can tell me some more weird stuff 593 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:34,720 about the old days. 594 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,680 Yeah, we used to have a kind of video called Betamax. 595 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,640 Discman. 596 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,600 Nice pics. 597 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,080 Is this your mum? 598 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,600 That is my ex-girlfriend, Deborah. 599 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:52,720 That's my mum. 600 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,880 When you were a kid, was TV really... 601 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,080 ..black-and-white? 602 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,000 Whoa. 603 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,160 I'm sorry, I'm just... 604 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,920 ..I'm just... I'm just feeling a little bit, um... 605 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,640 Are you having a vasomotor dilation? 606 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,520 I beg your pardon? Hot flush. 607 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:12,640 Uh... 608 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,320 That is... 609 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,960 I'll get some ice cubes. 610 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,640 So sexy. 611 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,920 No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. 612 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,280 Ingrid. 613 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,720 Did...did you... 614 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,440 No. No. 615 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,040 Sorry. You...you don't have to answer that. 616 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,080 I got a bit drunk. 617 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,840 Me too. 618 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,080 I actually got locked in the gym. 619 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,960 And I ate a LOT of food. 620 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,560 Well done. 621 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,920 That's very pathetic. No. 622 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,920 Look. Look. 623 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,520 I'm sorry. Really. 624 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:09,720 Are you? 625 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:11,880 I know. 626 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,960 It's just...you know, I just... 627 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:14,960 ..needed... 628 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,440 No, no, no, no, no. Don't...have a revenge affair. 629 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,000 It's just... it's such a lot to process. 630 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,440 It was ages ago. 631 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,880 I hadn't fallen in love with you yet. We'd only just begun. 632 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:31,160 And we had a holiday in Italy, but what WERE you to do? 633 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,440 Well, precisely. 634 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,040 Well... 635 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,040 ..no, I mean... 636 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,840 ..obviously, I loved you more than non-refundable tickets. 637 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,040 Do you? 638 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,800 You know I do. 639 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,440 Do you, though? 640 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,040 OK. 641 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,800 Julian. Menopause... 642 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,800 What about it? 643 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,800 Does that turn you on? 644 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:03,800 No. 645 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:04,880 Erm... 646 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,440 ..should it? 647 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,840 Uh-uh. 648 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,000 I was wondering whether you might like to spend the day 649 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,360 hanging out together. 650 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,240 I think it's important that we bond. 651 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,760 Just checking in about the documentary. 652 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,360 I want you to manage your expectations, Julian, 653 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:34,760 because it's not gonna happen overnight. 654 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,160 I could never forgive myself 655 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,320 if I didn't capture these precious moments in 4K. 656 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,800 Morning. Morning! 657 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,160 You secretly making a documentary? What?! 658 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:47,360 Are you secretly making me make a documentary? 659 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:49,920 Dad? Do you think we bonded today? 660 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,440 Captions by Red Bee Media 661 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,760 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation 46252

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