All language subtitles for Bewitched.S07E05.Darrin.on.a.Pedestal.1080p.ROKU.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-HiNGS_track3_[eng]

[♪♪]

Darrin. You’re pacing.

What?

You know, "to-ing"
and "fro-ing,"

and "to-ing"
and "fro-ing."

I wasn’t even aware of it.

Mm, I guess it’s because
I feel a little guilty

about dropping the whole

Barrows Umbrella account
in Larry’s lap.

Sweetheart, we are in Salem
on a vacation.

Sort of.

Now, we planned
to take a nice drive

up the coast to Gloucester

and have some lobster and--

[PHONE RINGING]

And that’s probably Larry.

Don’t worry, sweetheart.

I’ll get rid
of him.

[♪♪]

Oh.

Hi, Larry.

How’d you know it was me?
A wild guess.

I bet you can’t guess
why I’m calling.

It’s about the Barrows Umbrella
account, and you want me to--

Wrong. I’m calling
because I got an idea

how you can have
a vacation with pay.

I thought that’s
what I had.

Oh, you do. You do.

What I was referring to
is a little extra bonus.

And to get it,
all you have to do

is come down here
to Boston

and help me cinch
the Barrows account.

I thought you said
you weren’t calling

about the Barrows account.

Oh, I’m not. I’m calling
about your bonus.

Forget it, Larry. Now,
you have my rough layouts and--

Oh, yes, and they’re fine.
They’re fine.

Good. Then you can cinch
the Barrows account on your own.

I must say, you’re not showing
much appreciation

to someone who merely called
to offer you a bonus.

Not interested, Larry.

And good luck with
Barrows. Bye.

[PHONE CLICKS DEAD]
Ingrate!

Larry talk you into
going to Boston?

Absolutely not.
I was firm.

Oh. Well, that’s
too bad.

Too bad?

Y-yes. I’ve been called
to an emergency meeting

of the Witches’
Council.

[SIGHS]
Terrific.

Oh, I’m sorry,
sweetheart,

but Mother’s giving
a special demonstration

of incantations past,
present and future.

Uh, maybe you could
call him back.

Before I’d call him back,
I’d go sightseeing alone.

SERENA:
Why alone, when Serena’s
ready, willing and able?

Hi, little cousin.

Hi there, tall,
dark and mortal.

If you don’t mind,
Serena,

you’re one sight
I’d rather not see.

Oh. The charm-school dropout

is in rare form today. Ha-ha!

Serena, the hotel
doesn’t allow pets

or helicopters
in the room,

so would you mind
getting rid of it?

That can be arranged.

And when you get rid of it,
be sure you’re in it.

Oh, that’s cute.

Darrin, there’s no
reason to be rude.

I’m sorry I was
a few days late

for the convention, Sammy,

but I got involved

in the world kite-flying
championships in India.

Uh, guess what.

What?

I was disqualified.

Disqualified?

On a mere technicality.

Instead of flying it,
I towed it.

[CACKLES]

Oh, that’s
a shame.

I wouldn’t have
disqualified you.

You wouldn’t?

Of course not.

The longer you’re in the air,

the more chance you have
of hitting a tree.

[MOUTHS]
Ohh.

[HUFFS]

Sweetheart, i-in
the best interest

of keeping peace
in the family,

why don’t you reconsider
and go sightseeing with Serena?

I have to go to
the meeting anyway.

Two’s company, except
when she’s one of the two.

I could meet you
at the Gloucester House

for lunch.

Absolutely
under no circumstances

will I go anyplace with her.

Oh! He’s such
a darling.

And since
the invitation

comes straight from
the heart, I accept.

Mwah.

Good. I’ll meet you
there about noon.

I think I missed
something somewhere.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[♪♪]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Get in.

I will, just as soon
as I get over the shock.

I was expecting
a broom.

My broom is getting
a lube job.

This is a loaner.

Ah! I’ll drive.

Okay, poopsie.

[♪♪]

I like it. I like it.

It’s certainly the work
of a talented man.

Well, then,
shall we get down

to the business of, uh,
contracts, et cetera?

But it misses.

It just misses.

Well, I’m sure Stephens
will have no trouble

putting it on target.

And I guarantee we’ll shoot
the sales of Barrows Umbrellas

far beyond your expectations.

I expect everybody in the world
to own a Barrows umbrella.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪]

Stop the car!

Stop the car.

What is that?

It’s just
a statue.

Well...

that statue is a sight,
and we are sightseeing.

[♪♪]

"They that go down

to the sea in ships."

Who is this cat,
anyway?

Don’t you know
anything?

This is the famous
Fisherman’s Memorial.

Oh.

And what a knockout
of a memorial he is.

Just dig that
weather-beaten face

and those powerful
arms.

Ah! What a ball to be
steered by him.

[LAUGHS]

Well, Serena,
this is the closest

you’re going to get
to this "cat,"

unless you turn yourself
into a seagull.

Dum-dum, I wouldn’t
bet my plantation on that

if I were you.

Pride of Gloucester
Sentinel of the sea

I deem you come alive
And swagger down to me

Still think he’s
for the birds?

Avast, ye hearties. What
the devil’s going on here?

You might call it
fun and games.

Well, I call it insanity.

Serena, put
this statue back, or--

Oh! He is
not a statue.

He is flesh
and blood.

Here, touch him.

Touch me person,

and I’ll thrash you within
an inch of your life.

You can touch me.

But him...no.

Serena, I’m not asking you,

I’m telling you.

Put this statue
back, or I--

Here. What
a wench.

It’s been 50 years
since I’ve kissed a lassie.

[♪♪]

[GASPS]
Oh! Whoopee!

You know something?

They’re better
when they’re aged.

Serena, I’m
finished with you.

Well, I’m not.

Goody.

Serena. If there
isn’t a statue

holding on
to that wheel

by the time
I count to three,

there’s going
to be trouble.

Dum-dum...

you are
absolutely right.

Start counting.

One, two--

Don’t forget,
it was your idea.

[♪♪]

Shiver me timbers.
What’s that?

Oh, that is a car.

It’s used for transportation
and air polluting.

Listen, me ancient mariner,

uh, why don’t we split

to someplace more romantic,
so you can catch up

on all you’ve been missing
these last few years?

"Split?"

Uh, leave, embark,
set sail.

I’ll have none of it
if I have to sail there.

Well, "set sail" is
just an expression.

Besides, what have you
got against water?

Nothing. It just scares me
out of my wits.

Well, that’s ridiculous.

You’re an able-bodied
seaman.

You forget,
I stand for all

those able-bodied seamen
that drowned.

Okay. Heave to
and we’ll fly there.

The only water
you’ll see

is the kind you
pour over your Scotch.

[♪♪]

They call
this paradise?

I haven’t
named it yet.

It’s just a little
something I whipped up

to make myself
comfortable in Salem.

[LAUGHS]

Come, come.

[♪♪]

Say...uh, how about
sitting down and--

And resting those strong,

magnificent sea legs
of yours?

Let’s not get too close
to the water, please.

[♪♪]

Who’s that?

Oh, it’s just
an ex-friend of mine.

He got stoned one night,
so I left him that way.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪]

Oh.

[GROANING]

What’s the matter,
sweetie?

Me back, lassie. Me back.

I’ve been standing over that
wheel for almost 50 years.

Me back is killing me.

Oh, dear.

Well, uh, here.

[GRUNTS, BACK CRACKS]

[LAUGHS]
Now let me rub it for you.

How’s that?

Oh.

Lower, lassie. Lower.

Gladly.

[GIGGLING]

Oh! You are
gorgeous. Oh, my.

[SERENA
LAUGHING]

[♪♪]

Ooh!

Darrin. I-is that
you in there?

Oh, sweetheart.

I don’t know what to say...

except I have a cousin

who makes Lucrezia Borgia
look like Shirley Temple.

But don’t you worry.

I’ll figure out a way
to get you out of there.

The hotel clerk said
they’re having lunch

at the Gloucester
House.

I’m sure we’ll
find him there.

I hope so, Mr. Tate.

Oh, as a matter of fact,
there’s Mrs. Stephens now.

Where?

I’ll say one
thing, though:

If you have to
be a statue,

this is a nice place
to be one.

Over there, talking
to that statue.

Huh?

I mean, over there
by that statue.

Oh.
Darrin’s probably
around someplace.

Come on, I wanna
introduce you.

Sam!

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

LARRY:
Hi, Sam. Heh-heh.

Ha-ha.

Am I glad
I found you.

Oh, well, hi,
Larry.

W-w-what are you doing
in Gloucester?

Hopefully, having lunch
with you and Darrin.

Oh, Mr. Barrows,
this is Mrs. Stephens.

How do you do?
How do you do?

Uh, Mr. Barrows is head
of Barrows Umbrellas,

and he’s just
dying to hear

some of Darrin’s
new ideas.

That’s nice.

Where is he?

Who?

Darrin.

Oh!
[LAUGHS]

Well, he’s--

He’s hanging
around here somewhere.

Mrs. Stephens,
Tate here

speaks very highly
of your husband.

He’s got him on
some kind of pedestal.

Oh. Well,
that’s nice.

Darrin’s very comfortable
o-on a pedestal.

[LAUGHS]

Yes, sir. Ha.

Well, Sam. Let’s
go find him,

and we can go on
to lunch together.

Oh, oh. Let’s not
bother with Darrin.

Uh, let’s just go to lunch,
just the three of us.

The three of us?
Oh, it’ll be fun.

Sam, are you
all right?

No. I mean--
Um, well--

I get a little lightheaded
when I’m hungry.

And I am just dying
for one of those lobsters.

[♪♪]

Larry. Come on, Larry.

Come on.

You know, it’s funny,

I’ve never seen
this statue before,

but it looks
very familiar to me.

Wait. This is
the Fisherman’s Memorial.

It’s dedicated to
the more than 10,000 fishermen

who lost their lives
at sea.

Come to think of it,

he looks more defiant and
ferocious than I remember him.

Oh, he looks ferocious,
all right.

Sam.

Is that all
you can see?

Huh?

You know,
it’s amazing.

The face of
this statue

looks a-- A great deal
like Stephens.

Sam, can’t you see
the resemblance?

No. Not really.

I mean, examine the chin.

That is not Darrin’s
strong chin.

Yeah. His chin
is kind of weak.

Very.

Well, now
that we decided

the statue doesn’t look
like Mr. Stephens,

suppose we take
Mrs. Stephens to lunch?

Uh, uh-- Why don’t you two
go on without me?

But you just said
you were starving.

Yes, I did, didn’t I? Hm.

Well, um, why don’t you two
go to the Gloucester House,

and I’ll wait here
for Darrin?

But we don’t wanna take
a chance on missing Darrin.

Why don’t we all
wait here?

O-oh, uh, Larry, uh,

I don’t think
that’s such a good idea.

Why not?
Yeah, why not?

Because I suddenly remembered

that Darrin said he was
going to take a walk,

and he wanted me to meet him
at the Gloucester House.

[LAUGHS
UNCOMFORTABLY]

You suddenly
remembered?

Yes.

I-I told you I get a little
lightheaded

when I get hungry.

Especially for lobster.

All right, Tate,
let’s go.

All this talk about lobster
is making me hungry.

[♪♪]
[LAUGHS
UNCOMFORTABLY]

May I
help you?

Uh, we’re looking for
Mr. Darrin Stephens.

Uh, we have a reservation
for Mr. Stephens,

but I don’t believe
he’s arrived yet.

Well, that’s strange.
I wonder what’s holding him up.

I hate
to think.

Larry, w-why don’t
you and Mr. Barrows

go to the table?

I’ll join you
in a moment.

HOST:
Right this way.

Mr. Barrows.

Bartender. Set them up
for everybody.

I’m buying.

And forget the little lady
who was just here.

She must be a "toteetaler."

A teetotaler. To--

I’m sorry,
sweetheart.

I got back
as soon as I could.

Trust me. I will
find Serena

and get you
out of there.

In the meantime,
keep a stiff upper lip.

Oh, I didn’t
mean that.

Stars and planets
And things in the know

Whisk me to where
Romance can grow

[♪♪]

Excuse me...

but I’m looking for
two people

whom I thought
might be here.

One is--

Oh, you mean, uh,
that pretty girl

and that nutty-looking sailor?
They’re the ones.

Not that I watched,
mind you,

because it was
none of my business,

but they was
holding hands,

and kissing and whispering
to each other.

Y-you wanna know what
they was whispering?

Uh, no, thank you.

Um, I just wanna know
where they went.

Well, I, uh--

I turned back to
my clipping, like this...

And when I turned back,

like this...they was--

Gone.

Just like you.

When John Paul Potter III
drinks, everybody drinks.

Another round
for the folks.

Well...the little
"toteetaler" is back.

How about a little
nip, sweetie?

Oh, well,
thanks, uh,

but I think you are doing
just fine for both of us.

Cheers.

[LAUGHS]

[MAN SINGING]

♪ Whoa-ho
Blow the man down ♪

♪ Gimme some fellows
To follow the sea ♪

♪ Gimme some time
To blow the man down ♪

BOTH:
♪ Blow the man down
Please blow the man down ♪

♪ Whoa, oh!
Blow the man down ♪

Young man. Will you
shut up for a moment?

You watch your tongue,
landlubber.

I’ll have you swinging
from the yardarm.

Now, you listen
to me.

We’re in a restaurant
with a young lady.

Now, if I checked
my umbrella,

I see no reason why
you can’t check your hat.

You won’t
take my hat.

[♪♪]

Ah. There
you are.

Sam, look who
we ran into:

Serena and her...boyfriend.

I can’t imagine what’s
keeping Darrin.

No offense, Mrs. Stephens,

but I’ll give him
five more minutes,

and then I leave.

And with me, Tate,
goes my account.

Serena,
I think you and I

should have
a few words together.

Excuse me, my little
chicken of the sea.

Oh! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Chicken of the sea.
That’s me.

Serena, I don’t
wanna know how,

and I don’t wanna
know why.

I just want
a fair exchange:

Darrin for
your seaman.

Well, okay, coz,

but believe me...

that is not
a fair exchange.

Are you sure you ladies wouldn’t
like a little drinky-poo?

Potter’s springing.

So is Serena.

I think the party’s over.

[♪♪]

So long, dumbo.

Sam, what’s
happening?

Shh, shh.

[♪♪]

FISHERMAN [SINGING]:
♪ Blow the man down
Will we blow the man down ♪

♪ Whoa, oh... ♪

I hate to interrupt
your good time,

but if the Pirate
of Penzance

isn’t out of here
immediately,

Barrows Umbrellas
will be.

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Where did he go?

He was, uh,
shanghaied.

[LAUGHS]

Come on. Come on.

All right, Tate, let’s get
my hat and umbrella, and go.

But, Mr. Barrows--

Gentlemen, look who
I found waiting outside.

Darrin. Thank heaven.
Larry.

Uh, Mr. Barrows,
this is Darrin Stephens.

Hello, Stephens.
Oh,
Mr. Barrows.

Uh, Darrin, I’ve just
been telling Mr. Barrows

that the only reason
you’re at Salem

is to work on some ideas
for Barrows Umbrellas.

Mr. Stephens...

I’ve had a very difficult
and strange day.

I no longer have any interest
in any of your ideas.

Uh, Mr. Barrows,

i-if you don’t want to
listen to Darrin, uh,

would you
listen to me?

Mrs. Stephens, I’m a businessman
most of the time...

but I’m a gentleman
all the time.

Please
sit down.

Oh, thank you.

Now...tell me
about it.

Well...

Darrin’s idea

is to use
the Fisherman’s Memorial

as a symbol for
Barrows Umbrellas.

That’s why
we were there.

Uh-huh.

Mr. Barrows,
what percentage of

umbrellas are
bought by women?

About 80 percent.

Aha.

The men don’t seem to
wanna buy ’em, right?

Well, you see,
Darrin’s idea

is to make the umbrella
more attractive to men

by associating it with a--

A masculine symbol:
the Fisherman’s Memorial.

Hmm.

Mr. Barrows, I’m sure
if you hear

Darrin present his idea,

it’ll be more impressive.

I like that idea.

But I doubt it.

You know, Samantha
explained it so beautifully.

Tell us the rest of it,
young man.

Uh, picture this:

The helmsman, standing
in the face of a fierce storm,

one hand on the wheel,

the other holding
a Barrows umbrella.

I love it.

"Even the men who go down
to the sea in ships

carry Barrows
umbrellas."

Stephens...it’s
sensational.

Sensational.

You were well worth
waiting for.

I told you
he would be.

You son of
a gun.

But I’d still
like to know

where you’ve been
all this time.

W-well, Darrin
was just

staring out to
the sea, thinking.

Isn’t that right,
sweetheart?

Yeah. Heh-heh.
That’s right.

Well, let’s everybody
have a drink.

Oh, great idea.

Waitress.
Waitress.

Doubles.

[♪♪]

SAMANTHA:
You know, sweetheart,
that’s a great idea.

"Even men that go down
to the sea in ships

carry Barrows
umbrellas."

I’ve got an idea
for another slogan:

"Not even a nor’easter can
blow out a Barrows umbrella."

Hi.

Speaking of ill winds...

Watch it, ding-dong.

I just popped in to give you
the opportunity of thanking me.

For what?

Well, you landed the dumb
account, didn’t you?

I’ll thank you
to blow outta here.

[♪♪]

[BLOWING]

[WIND GUSTING]

Ta-ta.

Darrin...

you know
something?

I think I liked
your first slogan better.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪]

Oh, boy.

[EXHALES]

[♪♪]