All language subtitles for Bewitched.S07E02.Salem.Here.We.Come.1080p.ROKU.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-HiNGS_track3_[eng]

[♪♪]

There. How’s that?

Tighter.

Darrin. If I tied it
any tighter, you’d pass out.

I wanna pass out.

It’s the merciful
thing to do.

I just resent having to
wear a dinner jacket

to eat dinner
in my own house,

just to please
a so-called empress.

If it’ll make you
feel any better,

she won’t be pleased.

She’d rather
you wear tails.

And she is an empress

and high priestess
of all witches and warlocks.

That still doesn’t
give her the right

to barge into our house

and turn it
into Buckingham Palace.

Well, she’ll change it back
when she leaves.

Sweetheart,
try to understand.

Uh, redecorating
makes her feel...

more at home.

Where does she live?
The Taj Mahal?

Boy, some nerve.

"I, Hepzibah, will reside
in this house for one week,

"to decide whether or not

"this first and only
mixed marriage

of witch to mortal
should be dissolved."

Blech.

Sam...

is this all
worth it?

I mean, wouldn’t it
be easier if we agreed

you’d go to the witches’
convention by yourself?

Wouldn’t that satisfy her?

[♪♪]

It would not satisfy me.

If I have to go to Salem to
that dumb witches’ convention,

I want you to come
with me.

Mommy?

Where did you get
that outfit?

Her Majesty.

She said a young lady should
dress properly for dinner.

And a fairy princess
never looked lovelier.

What did she dress Adam as?
Prince Charming?

No. She picked him up
from his crib to play with him,

and he made a no-no
on her,

so he’s not allowed
to come down at all.

Darn. I wish I had
thought of that.

[GONG BOOMS]

Well, first call
for dinner.

[PLAYING FANFARE]

Ex-queen Samantha,
her daughter Tabitha,

and mortal.

[♪♪]

Well, come, come.
Din-din is getting cold.

Who are they?

Our servants,
of course.

We never travel anywhere
without our servants.

Well, you can tell
your "trumpeteer"

that I have
a name and a title:

Darrin Stephens,
master of this house.

Not while we live here.

And for not remembering
your place,

you get...

one demerit.

Young man...

when those other nine demerits

are over with
that other demerit,

you will be dissolved.

Uh, come on, sweetheart.

Our, uh, din-din
is getting cold.

"Dissolved?"

Shh.

[♪♪]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Everything
looks yummy.

Oh, it looks
different. Hm.

What is it?

Oh, pâté
of elephant tail,

pickled eye
of newt.

Over there is hummingbird
tongue parmigiana.

And here is
kidney of iguana

bourguignonne

in neat-feet oil.

Well, to be perfectly honest,
uh, Your Highness,

these, ahem,

goodies are a little exotic
for my system.

Ridiculous.

Pâté of elephant tail

is no more exotic
than blueberry pie.

Uh, Darrin’s not too crazy
about blueberry pie either.

This is ethnic food.

By refusing to
share it with us,

you are insulting
an entire ethnic group.

What do you say to that?

How about the eight ball
in the side pocket?

Another demerit

for that feeble
attempt at humor.

[SIGHS]

Well, that’s three down,
seven to go.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Answer the door.

Well, i-it’s no one we know,

uh, Your Majesty.

I-I mean, a friend
would never just drop in

at the dinner hour,
uninvited.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

And a friend
who would drop in

at the dinner hour
isn’t much of a friend.

So...who needs him?

We do.

If we are researching
the species,

we would like to meet
as many mortals as possible.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
I’ll get it.

[♪♪]

Hi, Sam. I’m sorry
to barge in at dinnertime

but I had to drop
these papers off for Darrin.

And I’d like to--

You’re having
a costume party...

and you didn’t
invite me.

Oh! Uh, no, no,
Larry.

Uh, we’re just
entertaining

an aunt of mine who
insists we dress up.

Excuse me.

[♪♪]

When, uh,
did you redecorate?

Redecorate?

SAMANTHA:
We didn’t.

It’s my aunt’s.

She’s very, very
wealthy, and, uh...

a little strange.

A lot strange.

A ding-a-ling?

Samantha...

uh, bring whoever it is
into our presence.

I’d better go. I’ll
call you later, Darrin.

No, no.
Larry, please.

Uh, just--
Just meet her.

[♪♪]

Your Majesty,
may I present

my business
associate, Mr. Tate?

Do I curtsy?

A bow
will do.

Nicely done. We are
pleased with this one.

Thank you, Your Highness.

I’m available for knighthood.

[LAUGHING]

Eh, he’s a bit of
a ding-a-ling.

Heh.

Uh, Darrin,
I’m sorry to barge in

on this little dinner party
of yours,

but I had to talk to you

before we meet with Hitchcock
in the morning.

Oh. Sit down and join us.

Oh, I-- I’d be honored,

but, uh, actually,

I’m joining my wife
at the club for dinner.

Oh, and you
know how Louise

hates to be
kept waiting.

So why don’t you
just run along?

But, uh, I, heh,

could have
an hors d’oeuvre or two.

Postlethwaite.

It certainly
looks delicious.

Don’t bother,
Postlethwaite.

I’m full.

As you were.

Thank you.
Mm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

It is delicious.

I mean, really
delicious.

I never tasted anything
like it. What is it?

It’s a secret family recipe.

So, uh-- Uh, Hitchcock is coming
to the office tomorrow, right?

Mm.

I can taste the parmigiana,
but I can’t make out--

The hummingbird tongue?

The what?

[LAUGHING]

That’s very amusing,
Your Highness.

Oh, funny, huh?

[ALL LAUGHING]

We have heard
of hummingbird tongue

being tasty,
but never amusing.

[CHUCKLING]

Tabitha, are you enjoying
your hummingbird tongue?

I like the pickled eye
of newt better.

The pickled--

Eye of newt.

[CHUCKLING]

Uh, listen...

I hate to eat and run,
but, uh--

Run, run. Heh.
Louise is waiting.

Oh, I’ll see you
in the morning.

It’s been an honor
meeting you, Your Highness.

And, uh,
don’t get up.

I think I can find
my way out.

[♪♪]

[DOOR OPENS,
CLOSES]

[SIGHS]

At least the creature
was man enough

to give it a try.

[CHUCKLES]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[♪♪]

I don’t know how much
longer I can take it.

Don’t worry,
sweetheart.

Just a few more days,
and it’ll all be over.

Well...the way I’m...

[MAKES POPPING NOISE]

...piling up demerits,
it could be all over today.

I’d better get along.

HEPZIBAH:
Where?

[SIGHS]
To work.

That interests us.

What is "work"?

That’s a very good question,
Your Majesty.

And Samantha is just
the person to explain it.

See you later, honey.
Uh, by your leave.

[♪♪]

What is "work"?

Oh, that’s what
mortals do from 9 to 5.

You will explain while
we have our breakfast.

[♪♪]

Quickly,
Penelope.

Naughty, naughty.

Once over lightly.

Repeat.

What is "work"?

Well, in Darrin’s case,

it’s advertising.

What is advertising?

Advertising is--

Well...

After breakfast,

you will take us
to his workshop.

Oh, uh...

but I-I couldn’t
take us there.

I-I mean,
he’s very busy.

If we have time to
watch him,

then he will make time
to be watched.

But I couldn’t possibly
leave the house.

I don’t have
a babysitter.

You do now.

Y-- Yes, uh, Your Majesty.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Morning.

It’s almost noon.

I know.

I had a great night’s
sleep.

One hour, from
10:00 this morning to 11.

Did I eat hummingbird tongue
last night, or didn’t I?

Larry, will you
please forget last night?

Uh, Hitchcock will be here
any minute.

Now, let’s go over
the presentation.

What’s pickled eye
of newt?

Uh, it’s kind of a squash...

prepared with a sauce.

It is? Because
I love squash.

SAMANTHA:
Hello.

We didn’t have
a chance to call.

Uh, Aunt Hepzibah

wanted to come and see
where you work.

Carry on.

[♪♪]

L-look, uh--

Uh, Your Majesty,
we’re really very busy.

Good. Then we shall
observe "busyness."

Sam, would you
please try

to explain to
Her Highness

that we’re expecting
a very important client?

Larry said
they’re expecting--

We do not need a translation.

Yes, ma’am.

[BUZZES]

Yes?

Hitchcock
is here.

Tell him to wait.

Send him in.

I’ve got a great idea,
Your Majesty.

Why don’t you visit
the United Nations?

You can meet a lot of kings
and presidents.

Send him in.

Send him in.
[SIGHS]

Uh, look,
Your Majesty...

uh, Mr. Hitchcock
is a very busy man,

an-and busy men
are sometimes

very brusque
and impatient.

He might say something
to insult you.

We hope not, for his sake.

Oh. Good to see you,
Mr. Hitchcock.

Uh, Tate.
Mr. Hitchcock.

Stephens.

Oh, uh, may I present
my wife, Samantha?

How do
you do?

And her Aunt Hepzibah
visiting from out of town.

Ladies.

I’ve got exactly
25 minutes

before we go
to lunch, Stephens.

Shall we get on
with it?

Yes, let’s get on with it.
I-in the conference room.

Uh, that won’t be necessary.

We are very comfortable here.

Is this some sort of
a joke, Tate?

Heh-heh.
Well, uh-- Ha.

Well, my aunt i--
Was rather interested

in studying
the world of business.

Perhaps it’s
not my place

to say this, madam,
but, uh--

[MAGIC CHIMES]

[♪♪]

You’re a most
attractive woman.

And I cannot imagine
you being interested

in anything
as dull as business.

How very gallant,
Mr. Hitchcock.

Ernest, please.
I beg you.

Well, shall we get started,
Mr. Hitchcock?

Uh, there are ladies
present, Tate.

Let’s chat
a while, hm?

Hepzibah.

What a lovely name.
Biblical?

Hardly.

So you’re from out of town.
Where, may I ask, my dear?

Oh! She’s lived all over.

Yes. Uh,
Mr. Hitchcock, if--

If you’ll take a look
at the pre-- Presentation--

As soon as I can
take my eyes off

this lovely and incredibly
beautiful creature.

So you’re a world
traveler.

Perhaps you’ve used
my airlines.

The regal bird
with the silver beak?

We are pleased with this man.

He has quality.

Uh, the feeling
is mutual.

Perhaps we can discuss it
at lunch.

Delighted.

The thing is, I only made
a reservation at Pavillon

for you and Darrin.

They’re booked solid.

How fortunate for us,
Hepzibah.

We shall dine
alone then.

Oh!
Come along.

We’ll see you
after lunch.

Your Majesty.

Have you ever been
to Crete?

Not for
centuries.

[♪♪]

What--?

What--?

What happened?

[BARKING]

[♪♪]

How could you
do it, Sam?

How could you do it?

We-- Well, I-I didn’t
have any choice.

I mean, if Mr. Hitchcock

had said one rude word
to Hepzibah--

and he was about to

--why, she would’ve
zapped him

into an aardvark
or something.

But I wouldn’t have minded

your turning him
into Mr. Nice Guy,

but a lovesick adolescent
is overdoing it.

I didn’t have time
for subtleties.

[BOTH BARKING]

Rowr!

HEPZIBAH:
We are home.

We are pleased to say we have
come to the conclusion

that as a lower form
of life,

some mortals are
not without charm.

Sweetheart.

Had you but an ounce

of Ernest’s exquisite taste,

you might be barely tolerable.

Well, if we’re
playing the truth game,

let me
tell you something.

For raising your voice to us...

another demerit.

Another demerit.
Another demerit.

I might as well
go for the jackpot.

I want you out
of my house.

And your puppy dogs
and your servants.

Out.

You may be the almighty
of all witches,

but to me, you’re
an almighty pain in the--

Darrin!

Uh, he-he-he-- He apo--
Apologizes, Your Majesty.

[WHISPERS]
Apologize.

It is too late for you
to apologize.

You have used up
your demerits...

and our patience.

The marriage will be
dissolved at midnight.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
But-- But--

Go to your room.

"The marriage will be
dissolved at midnight."

Boy, some nerve.

I mean, how could she
dissolve our marriage?

How? I’d just like
to know how.

She could turn you
into an ex-husband.

How? I’d just
like to know how.

By dissolving you.

Now I know how.

Don’t worry, sweetheart.

I’ll just talk her
into drumming me out

of the witch world.

Uh, what does that mean?

Well, how should I know?

Uh, she’ll probably recite
some mumbo jumbo and zap,

I’ll be just
plain folks.

Then it’s none of
her business what I do.

And?

Well, I don’t know. It’s
never been done before. I--

I suppose I’d
lose my powers.

[♪♪]

Sam, I won’t
let you do it.

Isn’t that what
you’ve always wanted?

Yes. No.

I mean...I love you
for what you are.

Well, I’d still be
what I am.

I-- I just wouldn’t
have my powers.

But that’s a part
of you.

And I won’t let you
give it up.

I won’t let anything
or anybody change you

or dissolve
our marriage.

Including the
High Priestess Hepzibah.

And I’ll get down on
my knees if I have to,

but I won’t stop until
she accepts my apology.

Come on.

[♪♪]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Ernest. You are
so amusing.

DARRIN:
Mr. Hitchcock.

This is a private
audience.

Oh. Please,
forgive me

for dropping in
unannounced,

but I didn’t want to
lose touch

with this lovely
lady.

And she’s going away,
and she won’t

tell me where
she’s going.

HEPZIBAH:
Isn’t it sweet?

She’ll be leaving
for Salem in a few days.

Samantha.

Ah. Salem is beautiful
this time of the year.

Ernest, we are touched
by your devotion...

but, really, we will have
so little time to give you.

I’ll be staying at
the Hawthorne Hotel. And you?

We will be...

Calling you
when we are free.

Good night,
beautiful creature.

Good night.

[♪♪]

Goodbye.

SAMANTHA: Mr. Hitchcock.
DARRIN: Bye.

Mortals can sometimes
be endearing.

They can
grow on one.

Perhaps we have been too rash.

Perhaps we should study
the species a while longer

before passing
any major decision.

The "dissolvement" of
the marriage is canceled.

Oh. Thank you,
Your Majesty.

A-and Darrin, uh,
can come to Salem?

Out of the question.
No mortal.

You mean--

You mean,
Ernest is one of us?

And Darrin Stephens

may come to Salem.

Touché, my dear.

But remember this:

There is a vast difference

between playing with
a mortal and marrying it.

With all due respect,
Your Majesty...

don’t knock it
till you’ve tried it.

[♪♪]

Prepare the ancestral grounds
for our arrival.

Away.

You too, Caesar
and Cleopatra.

[BOTH BARKING]

Now-- Now, now, now, now.
None of that.

Mommy will be along
any moment.

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

Your Majesty, uh,

if your arm isn’t
too tired from waving,

uh, we’d certainly
appreciate having

the house back
the way it was.

Nonsense. It is
our gift to you.

Well, Your Majesty,
we really don’t deserve it.

I mean, after the trouble
we’ve caused you.

Quite right.

Ugh.

Well...

we will be
on our way.

Take care of
our Samantha.

[MENACINGLY]
We’re warning you.

Hepzibah
will be watching.

Terrific.
How could she know

my mother
gave us that?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[♪♪]

Larry!

Sam. Darrin, heh.

Uh, forgive me for
dropping in unannounced,

but, uh, I was on my way
to the office,

and I just dropped by to--

What happened to
your redecorating?

Uh, well, uh, A-Aunt Hepzibah
turned out

to be an Indian giver.

When she left, she took
Windsor Castle with her.

So we-- We just brought
the other stuff

down from the attic.

Oh.

Darrin, how did
you manage it?

Well, we, uh--

We got a couple
of moving men, and--

I mean, how did you
manage to talk Hitchcock

into going to
Salem with you?

Oh, that. I’d rather not
talk about it, Larry.

Then you tell me, Sam.

The genius is so modest.

Well, all-- All right.

The "genius"
said to himself:

"What would Larry do
if he were in my place?"

Good, good.

And when he saw
Mr. Hitchcock

making eyes
at Hepzibah, well...

Yeah, yeah?

He decided to play
matchmaker.

You son of
a gun.

[LAUGHING]

What happened
to the vase?

Well, it, uh--

It broke when we were
moving things back.

It’s easily
replaced.
Hm.

Oh. Well, I--
I’d better run.

I’m late for
an appointment.

Bye-bye.

[♪♪]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

"Hepzibah
will be watching."

[MAGIC CHIMES]

[♪♪]

Oh, just
one more thing.

If you need me in Salem

to help with Hitchcock,
feel free.

Oh, well--
Yeah. Heh-heh.

[♪♪]

The vase.
What happened?

Well, um--

I told you it was
easily replaced.

Oh.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, just
one more thing.

Uh, what about the spell
on Hitchcock?

Oh, I’ll fix that.

After we get back
from Salem.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]