All language subtitles for Bewitched S04E18 Once in a Vial_track3_[eng]

[♪♪]

[HUMMING]

Mother, I'd rather
do it myself.

Stop talking like
a detergent commercial,

and come and give
your mama a kiss.

Mm.

Ooh, what's that
you're wearing?

It's Joie D'Anime,
darling.

And you're still wearing
that essence of bacon.

[SIGHS]
Darrin's breakfast.

Now, he'll be down
any minute,

so why don't you
just evaporate

until he goes off to work?

Why don't you ask me
where I've been?

And what's in the box.

You've been to Paris,

and there's a dress
in the box.

Marvelous. You've learned
to read minds.

No, I've learned to read labels.

Good morning, good morning,
good morning.

Goodbye.
Sweetheart...

Mother just popped in to show me
the latest fashions from Paris.

Yes, and I brought you
something.

Something for your nice
little pointed head.

Oh, Mother!

Endora, I'm glad you're here.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Seeing you here has made me
lose my appetite.

That means I'll be on time
for a very important meeting.

Oh--
Bye, sweetheart.

Stay a week.
I'm on a diet.

Even his voice
is irritating.

Well, you did start it.

No, you did.
When you married him.

[GROANS]
Which reminds me,

whom do you think
I ran into in Paris?

Who?

Your old beau, Rollo.

Oh? How is he?

Oh, he's charming and attractive
and debonair as ever.

Why you turned him down
I'll never understand.

Simple. I met Darrin,

and it was love at first sight.

It must have been.

If you'd taken a second look,

you'd have run
like a frightened deer.

Mother, I have
a million things to do,

starting with saying
goodbye to you.

Of course.

Rollo.

Why didn't I think
of that before?

[THUNDERCLAP]

Really, Endora.
Your timing is atrocious.

I'm sorry.
Were you lunching?

With an absolutely ravishing
mademoiselle.

Now, I'll never know
whether she said yes or no.

Oh, come now, Rollo.

No woman would ever
say no to you.

That's true.

Except Samantha.

Don't remind me.
The only blot on my record.

How'd you like to remove
that blot?

[♪♪]

Mother, this is lovely.

I'm glad you talked me
into having lunch.

Of course, darling.

Even a chicken gets out
of its coop now and then.

Would you care
to order now,

or wait until
the other party arrives?

What other party?

Samantha.

Here's our other
party now.

Oh. Where did
he come from?

I don't know.
I was just standing--

You're looking
positively radiant.

Mother, I know
what you're cooking up.

No reflection on you,
Rollo, but...

Oh.

What happened
to Madame?

Oh!

If you don't mind,

I would like
to tell Aunt Hagatha

that her babysitting services
are no longer required.

Samantha, I am shocked
and disappointed in you.

You're shocked!

Oh, of all
the underhanded tricks.

My, my, my.

I didn't know you were
so attracted to him.

Attracted to him!

Mother, what are you
talking about?

Well... if you're so
upset over the mere idea

of having lunch
with an old friend,

what other explanation
can there be?

I am not upset with Rollo.

Of course, if a married woman
isn't sure enough of herself

to spend a few hours
in a crowded restaurant

with an old beau...

Well, I'll be
off now, dear.

Just a minute, Mother.
No, no, no.
I understand.

I feel very sorry
for you.

Things must be much worse
than I thought

between Darwin
and you.

It's Darrin.

And there's nothing
wrong between us.

Of course not.
But I'm sure you'll
work the problem out.

All right.

All right, Mother.
I'll have lunch with Rollo.

Wonderful!

Here you are,
Monsieur, one dry...

Thank you.

I hope it's nice and dry.

Where's the other gentleman?

Oh, he was just...

And then you two...

I don't know.

Excuse me.

I wonder what got into Rollo?

I said we'd be right back.

Pretty sure of yourself,
weren't you, Mother.

I'll get him.

Forget it, Mother.
Let's just have lunch--

Oh, look, there's Darrin.

Let me finish this
before I look.

Well, well, well,
this is a pleasant surprise.

I'd say it was more
in the nature of a shock.

Sweetheart, would you
like to join us?

We'd love to have you,
wouldn't we, Mother?

Thanks, Sam. We have
some business to discuss.

Oh, that can wait.
I'd certainly rather have lunch

with a couple of classy chicks
than sit alone with you.

Uh, Bo, this chick--
I mean, this lady
is my wife.

And this is my mother-in-law.

No kidding. Well, some guys
have all the luck.

Callahan's my name.
It's a pleasure to make
your acquaintance.

Oh, the pleasure
is dubious.

Well, aren't you sweet?

What are you standing there for?
Sit down, sit down.

[CHUCKLES] Mr. Callahan
is a new client of ours.

Oh! Isn't that nice?

Hey, I bet you can't guess
what I make?

Enemies?

[GUFFAWS]

Hey, you got
a funny mother-in-law.

[FORCED LAUGH]

What do you make, Mr. Callahan?

Well, this will kill ya.

Perfume.
Ain't that a gas?

Look.
Here's a sample.

For you, bright eyes.
We just came out with it.

Autumn Flame.

Yeah, for the older babes,
you know?

He means, uh,
for the more mature woman.

Well, have it your way.
You're the advertising man.

You see, the way I figure it,
why should just the young chicks

get all the attention?
I mean, an old babe like you

got a right
to smell nice too, huh?

Why don't we order,
or something?

You know, you're giving me
a terrific brainstorm.

We want somebody to sell
Autumn Flame, right?

You keep telling me
we need a classy,

older chick to do
the commercials.

Well, there she is.

I beg your pardon?
She'd be perfect.

Smart dresser, sophisticated,
still pretty good-lookin'.

Well!

Mother, you ought
to be flattered.

Well, what do you think?

Well...
No, no, no,

it's out of the question.

Suppose you let me
handle my own affairs.

It's out of the question.

You think about it
and let me know tonight.

Tonight?
I want you all to dinner
at my place.

How about it?
Why, uh...

That's very sweet of you,
Mr. Callahan,

but I'm afraid it would be
impossible to get a babysitter

on such short notice.

No problem. We'll have
dinner at your place.

Just be sure Mom's there.

Oh, she can't.
Definitely not.

She has a previous
engagement.

Will you stop answering for me?

I have a previous engagement.

But I'll be there.

Terrific.

Hey, be sure that
art director's there.

What's his name?
Bill Walters.

Yeah, I want to get
his thinking on this.

Well, I was planning on having
dinner with dear Rollo.

But I'll bring him
to your place instead.

[MUTTERS] Mother.
Who?

Well, I guess
I'll skip lunch.

There's so many things
that I must do.

I'll see you tonight,
bright eyes.

Oh!

Ha! Ain't she a gas?

I'm sorry about
the disappearing act, darling,

but it was unavoidable.

Now, uh...
where were we?

You were just telling me
about your collection of--

Oh, Endora?

Yes?

Endora, when are you going
to stop hounding me?

When you finish your assignment,
you naughty, naughty boy.

It's no use. I've never
kissed a less responsive hand
than Samantha's.

You barely had a chance
to talk to her.

But tonight, you'll have
a better opportunity.

Samantha's having some people
to dinner and we're invited.

Endora, it'll never work.

Well, if your fatal charm
doesn't work,

you'll have to think of
something else.

My love potion.

Are you suggesting that I use
that on your own daughter?

I? Certainly not!

I'm shocked at you
even mentioning it.

All I want to do
is free my little girl

from a life
of mortal drudgery.

How you do it
is up to you.

Endora, doesn't your
conscience ever pain you?

No.

But now that you mention it,

it does tickle a bit.

You know, we don't pay peanuts
for these commercials.

No, there's a lot of--
a lot of money involved.

Why, I know of babes that'd give
their eyeteeth to do one.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Thank you, old boy.

So you're Rollo, huh?
That's right.

And you're Samantha's
husband, huh?

That's right.

Well.

Yeah.

Can I get you
something to drink?

You just did.

Yes, heh.

Excuse me.

Here's your refill, Bill.
Thank you.

Harriet, can I get you
something to drink?

It looks as if Bill is going
to drink for the family.

Will you get off
my back?

Excuse me.

Well, just don't come to me
tomorrow with your hangover.

I wouldn't come to you--
SAMANTHA: Hors d'oeuvre, anyone?

Ah, Sam!
Lovely party, Sam.

Thank you, Bill.

I'm so glad you could make it
on such short notice.

Oh, we were delighted.
Haven't seen you guys
in ages.

Here, you pass these.
I'll get some more.

Can I help?

Yes. Stay right here.

CALLAHAN: Don't know why
you're resisting, bright eyes.

Ask these people here.

Don't you think she'd make
a great Miss Autumn Flame?

If you want
my personal opinion,

I think Endora's too young
for what you have in mind.

Well, how do you know
what he had in mind?

[LAUGHS]

You know, Endora,
what Mr. Callahan is offering
is really quite an honor.

Sure. Stephens and I
auditioned hundreds of women
for the job, but you...

stand out like a ripe pickle
in a bunch of green cucumbers.

You certainly have
a flair for language.

Oh, for heaven's sakes,
Rollo.

Will you stop gaping at me
and go back in the living room?

I'm sorry, Sam, I can't.

Samantha, I've forgotten
how lovely you are.

Terrific.
Let's keep it that way.

Do you know the more I see you
the more I want you?

Yes, but I can't
sing it now.

Okay.

It's the way it's got to be.

Dinner will be ready
in about five minutes.

I hope everybody's
appetite's okay.

Mine sure is.

Good. I was afraid
you might drown it.

You've been
rushing around so much,

you haven't had a chance
to have a drink.

Oh, thanks, Rollo.
That's very considerate of you.

Now look, Dora,
why don't you just
give in, hm?

You're going to anyway
sooner or later, you know.

Bo Callahan
always gets his way.

Why don't
we have some music?

You know what they say, Bo.

You can drive a horse to water,
but you can't make him drink.

Your simile is not only odious
but inaccurate.

He is driving me to drink.

Uh, I wouldn't do that.

You would if you had
to listen to him.

[BOING]
Oh!

When do we start?
Hm?

When do we start
the commercials,

you big, beautiful,

utterly irresistible man?

I must've missed
something.

Oh, you're the sweetest
little fellow!

Oh.

[WHISPERS]
Rollo, that was my drink,

and you put
something in it.

Well, it wasn't my idea.

Oh, this time Mother
has gone too far.

[SIGHS]

Maybe it won't hurt
for her

to get a taste
of her own medicine.

[WHISPERS]
Sam, what's going on?

Um... I think I'd
better check my chicken.

And, uh...I think
I'd better check mine.

I need a drink.

[BOING]

Hello there.

What?

Where have you been
all my life?

I told you not
to drink so much.

Has anyone ever told you
you have eyes

like a stricken fawn?
Please.

Love potion?!

That's right.
Rollo intended it
for me.

Oh, really?!
Well, I've got
something for him!

Oh, Darrin--
Samantha,
please, help me!

Wha--?
What's the matter?

Why are you running from me,
you beautiful creature?

Will you leave
me alone?

Bill, what's gotten
into you?

I don't know,
but it sure feels great.

I don't think it was very nice
of you to leave my mother

and Mr. Callahan alone
in the living room.

What are you talking about?
They've left.

[GASPS]
Harriet, lover, come back.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes!

Sweetheart, why don't
you go help Bill?

You mean Harriet,
don't you?

Rollo, why didn't
you stop Mother?

Are you joking?
Do you think I want to spend

the rest of my life as a frog?

How long does that potion last?

Exactly one hour.

Oh.

The judge'll be out in a minute.

Now, you folks just relax.

Gettin' married don't hurt none.

Boy, I thought
I made quick decisions,

but you got me beat
all hollow.

My head's spinning.
I don't even know
how we got here.

Witchcraft, darling.

When you're in love,
the whole world's witchcraft.

You do want to marry me,
don't you, sweetie?

Well, yeah... Sure.

It's all some kind
of crazy dream anyway.

Rollo! How can you
stand there and eat

when Mother may be
in terrible trouble?

Well, how will it help her
if I starve?

Samantha. Is it all right
if Darrin drives me home?

What about Bill?

I wouldn't dare get
into a car with him!

Harriet, my love, why are you
running from your sugarplum?

Oh, good grief!
Bill, hold it down!

You're obviously of age,

so there's no problem
about that.

Where's your witness?
Witness?

Do we need a witness?

Sure.
You need two of 'em.

Edna, here, can stand up
for one of you,

but we still need
somebody else.

But we don't have anyone.

Well, leave everything
to me, darling.

Heh, heh.
Excuse me.

Rollo?

I don't like
to eat and run, but...

I'd rather your mother didn't
find me when she comes out of--

I have a hunch she found him.

Rollo!

Oh, there you are, Rollo.
Come on in.

You're going
to be a witness.

Ah, a witness, heh.
To what?

Mr. Callahan and I
are going to be married.

Isn't that wonderful?

What's your
first name, dear?

Bo. Where'd he come from?

Oh, Rollo's always around
when I need him.

So don't worry
your head about it,

you dear, sweet little man.

[SMOOCHING]

Oh, I'll, uh...
I'll, uh...

I'll, uh...
I'll be right back!

Don't start without me.

[SIGHS]

Don't hide your heart,
my little coquette.

[GIGGLES]

I know you're in there,
my little love bug.

[LOCKS DOOR]

BILL: Hey, you want me
to suffocate?

Come here,
sweetheart.

If necessary.

Where's Bill?

BILL: Let me out!

You can't run away
from love.

Where'd you come from?

Oh, uh--
Out there.

I gotta talk to you,
urgent.

BILL: Poopsie!

You can't run away
from love!

Where is she?
Where is that divine
little she-devil?

He's loose!
He's loose!

Sam, your mother's
going to get married.

I'm supposed to be
the witness, heh.

Married?! Mother?

Oh, she can't!
That's what you think.

They're at some justice
of the peace, right now.

She's going to pop me
back there any minute.

Well, I have to stop her.
How?

She's more powerful
than both of us together.

Well, I'll think
of something. Let's go.

Where are you, love bird?

Will you try
to control yourself?

Well, what about them?

Come on.

You can't hide forever,
pussycat.

Ha! I got ya!
No! Let me go!

Bill! Bill, how about
a cup of black--?

I'm sorry,
sweetheart.

All right, Rollo.
Let's go.

Samantha, how marvelous!

You've come
to your mama's wedding.

[WHISPERS] Mother,
you can't get married.

Mother, don't you realize
you're under a spell?

I know, dear,
but when you're in love,

the whole world's under a spell.

Yeah, but... Oh!

Rollo, what's happening?
She doesn't even
remember Daddy.

It's the love juice.
It blocks out everyone
but the love object.

How much time
have we got left?

Four minutes.

[MOANS]

All right, judge.
We're ready.

Now, if you'll just
join hands.

Oh.

Dearly beloved.

Funny, I could've sworn
I had my glasses on.

Can't read without them.

They were there
a second ago.

Have you forgotten
the ceremony?

You must have performed this
a hundred times.

Ha, ha.
I guess so, heh.

Dearly beloved.

We...

Can't remember what comes next.

Use this, and read it.

I must say, you folks
came prepared for everything.

Just one moment,

and we'll get this
over with.

Samantha.

Tsk.

It saddens me, Samantha,

that you can't behave yourself
at your own mama's wedding.

You'll have to go home,
and stay home.

Oh, no, you don't, Mother.

You can't get rid of me
that easily.

She can.

Well, if I can't go
to the wedding...

I do.

What happened?

Where is everybody?

Now, don't worry,
Mr. Callahan.

If everything goes
all right,

you won't remember
a thing tomorrow.

Not bad, Samantha,
but you're out-witched.

[LAUGHS]
Proceed.

Edna, do you know
what's going on?

I think so.

He's having a dream,
and we're all in it.

Oh.

Where was I?

The last line.

"I now pronounce you,"
et cetera, et cetera.

By the authority vested in me,
I now pronounce you--

[CLOCK CHIMES]

Oh, thank heaven.

Samantha, will you
explain yourself?!

Who are all these...
people?!

She snapped out of it
all right.

I must be losing
my grip!

She can't remember?

Uh-uh. It's like
a huge drunk.

When it wears off,
you can remember very little.

Well, uh, Mother,
I'll explain later.

But first,
I think we should

let these good people
go home.

Rollo?
With pleasure.

This isn't a dream.
It's a nightmare.

What's going on?

Where do you live,
Mr. Callahan?

The Town House Hotel,
but--

Good night,
Mr. Callahan.

Now, uh... I think I'll go
and take care of the others.

Endora, let me try
and explain.

Yes, I think
you should.

Will you stop
pawing me in public?

Then let me out
of this hammerlock!

What's been going on?

Oh, uh, i-i-it really
doesn't matter now, sweetheart.

Everything's
back to normal.

She always gets this way
when she's had a few too many.

Endora, I realize
you're Samantha's mother,

and for that reason,
I don't want to be rude.

So let me put it this way:

The next time you fly
by this house, why don't you?

Now, Darrin, I-I really think
that Mother's suffered enough.

Oh, don't remind me!

I shudder every time I think
how close I came to calamity.

[SIGHS]
Mother,

I know this
is foolishly wishful,

but I hope you've
learned your lesson.

Now, there is absolutely
no way you can drive

your witchery wedge
between Darrin and me.

We made up our minds a long time
ago that we belong together.

And we're very stubborn.

So, won't you
please give up?

Before we give you up?

Are you threatening me?

No. No!

No. no,
Mother, he isn't.

He's just saying
that as guests go,

he wishes you would.

Well!

You really can't help
admiring her style.

She's got something else
I can't help admiring even more.

[♪♪]