All language subtitles for Bewitched S04E05 Cheap, Cheap!_track3_[eng]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

I said I'd get it.

Will you open it?

Darrin, why don't you go back
and finish your breakfast?

Open it.

All right.

Thank you.

Aren't you afraid
your breakfast will get cold?

No, because I finished it.
What have you got there?

Sweetheart, now, I know
how you've been saying

we should try and hold down
expenses right now,

but this was an
incredible bargain.

Well, honey, as long as it's
something you need,

it's perfectly okay.
Oh!

What is it?

As a matter of fact,
it was a steal.

And if you don't like it,
I can take it back.

Sam, why the big fuss?

Have I ever denied
you anything?

I mean anything
within reason?

Now, you make it sound as if
I were some sort of cheap--

I'll take it back.
No.

I was just a little
surprised because, uh--

Is that the coat we saw
in the store last week?

Yes. Now, Darrin,
I know you thought

it was awfully expensive,
but it was marked way down.

Uh, uh, to what?

A hundred and sixty dollars.

Oh.

I'll take it back.

No, don't be silly.

I realize that with
just a little:

You could zap up the most
beautiful coat in the world.

The fact that you found
this bargain is--
it's gratifying.

Then you don't think
I should have bought it?

Well, I think you should have
talked to me first.

I'll take it back.

Do what you want.
Either way, do you mind
if I go to work,

so I can earn some money
to pay for the darn thing?

Darrin,
you have to tell me

whether I should
take it back or not.

I told you to keep it.
I'll take it back.

Uh, goodbye.

Mother, put that down.

Not until I put him down.

To think that you,
my daughter,

whose cloak should be
mantles of moonbeams,

reduced to haggling
with a full-time cheapskate

over a ratty, little coat.

It just so happens
that this trim,

is the finest tourmaline mink.

And Darrin is not a cheapskate.

He's just... careful.

That's right.

He's a careful cheapskate.

Mother, it isn't that I don't
adore hearing you rant and rave,

but would you mind doing it
somewhere else.

[CACKLING]

Somewhere else
is where I'll do it.

And when I do it,
'tis you who'll rue it.

You'll see Dumbo
in his true light.

You won't believe
he could be so tight.

[♪♪]

Good morning, Darrin.
Boy have I got
a surprise for you.

We just latched on to
the Bigelow Tire account,

and guess who's going
to handle it.

Me?
Mm-hm.

What's wrong with it?

Now, Darrin, is that fair?

Even though I'm the boss,
haven't I always carried

my share of
the problem accounts?

Sure you have, Lar.

Right up to the time
they become problems.

Lucky for you,
I know you're kidding, right?

Right.

Mr. Bigelow's coming up
later this morning.

[BUZZER]
Yes?

BETTY: Mrs. Stephens on one.

Thanks, Betty.

I'm going. I'll buzz you
when he gets here.

Hi, Sam.
Sweetheart, about the coat--

I just wanted you to know
you had every right
to be annoyed.

[SIGHS] Wait a minute, honey.
I was not annoyed.

You could've fooled me.

Anyway, I'm going
to take it back.

No, Sam, I want you to keep it.

If I seemed
the least bit negative,

it was only because...

Well, I wanted this
to be a surprise,

but I might as well tell you.

Tell me what?

Darrin?

Monty, morey, mewt and poke

On his head, this spell invoke

Up from the depths
Where it lies sleeping

The Miser in him
Must now come leaping

That's an awful lot of money for
something that's not necessary.

What?
And money doesn't grow
on trees, you know.

But just a moment ago,
you said I could keep it.

So what? A moment ago you said
you were gonna take it back.

Now Sam, I've got
a lot of work to do.

And time is money, you know.

Well, I won't take up
any more of your money.

Goodbye.

A penny for your thoughts.

And I know you can
use the cash.

All the world loves
a funny witch.

What did what's-his-name
have to say?

Darrin?
Well, he thought--

Yes?

How'd you know it was him?

Oh, just intuition.

What was on his little mind?

Nothing.
Same as usual, eh?

What, uh...

What have you decided
to do about... this?

You know, Mother,
you were right.

It is kinda ratty.

I think I'll take it back.

[TYPING]

Betty, get this
in the mail for me
right away,

will you please?
Yes, sir.

And Betty...

Now, what do you see
on this envelope?

Your name.

And what else?

Nothing.
Exactly.

Then why did you discard it?

Why--?

Betty, the reason they
put all these lines

on these interoffice envelopes,
is so you can use them

over and over and over again.

Envelopes don't
grow on trees, you know.

I'm sorry, I didn't--

And while we're on the subject,
the next time you remove

the pages from my calendar,
don't throw them away.

What should I do with them?

Use them.

See? It's blank.

Makes perfectly good
scratch paper.

Now, if you multiply--
the calendar pads by--
[BUZZER]

Y-Yes?
LARRY: Ask Mr. Stephens
to come in.

Mr. Bigelow's here.

Be right there, Larry.

Let's get on the ball, Betty,
before it's too late.

Yes, sir.

No, I won't cry.

He'll say I'm wasting water.

Now let me make something
quite clear, Stephens.

I've got ten million dollars
in the bank,

and the way I got it there
was by refusing to make

any useless expenditures.

The minute you spend
one unnecessary dollar,
you're through.

And I'd deserve to be,
Mr. Bigelow.

Because there's
no greater crime than

spending money
unnecessarily.

You know, I think we're gonna
get along all right.

Stephens is right.

But on the other hand,
you have to spend money
to make money.

[CHUCKLES] You're only saying
that, Larry, because we're
in the advertising business,

where we take
15 percent off the top.

Did I tell you, Mr. Bigelow,

this boy is the kind
you can't buy.

Honest, open, fearless.

[COUGHS]

Cigar bother you?
No, no.

Here. Care for one?

Oh, yes, thanks.

You know, you wouldn't
believe it if I told you

how little I pay
for these cigars.

I get 'em directly
from the maker.

I'll put this up against any
five-cent cigar in the country.

Really?
I'd like to get some.

Why, I can give you his name.

Jose Ortega, 1555 Bleecker
Street, apartment four.

Thank you.
Say, here,
have another for later.

Thanks.
Uh, Mr. Bigelow,

Stephens will get to work
immediately on the new layouts.

Meanwhile, I've had
the art department

redo some of your previous ads,

to give you an idea
of our approach.

Wait a minute.
I didn't request it.

It's been done
at our own expense.

Well, let's look at it,
by all means.

It just occurs to me.

Tires are black and white.

There's no need to go
to the added expense

of a four-color process.

Good thinking!

How do you like that
for integrity, huh?

Isn't he something?
All he cares about

is cutting down the cost
for the client.

No matter what it costs us.

Darrin, my boy,
why don't we just step
into your office,

and let Mr. Bigelow, here,
examine this stuff

at his own tempo?

What are you trying
to do, Darrin?

What do you mean?

That cheap act you're
putting on is great.

But what good is it,
if you blow the deal?

Larry, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, come off it, Darrin.

You heard that Bigelow
was a tightwad

and you're just trying
to humor him.

Which is a great approach,
don't misunderstand me.

And when you actually took
one of those horrible cigars,

I considered it
an act of personal heroism.

Yuck, I can still taste them.

You didn't even smoke one.

You don't have to smoke one
of those cigars to taste them.

Mm. I better get
back to Bigelow.

What do you keep writing
in that book?

I'm simply recording the fact

that you owe me three cents.

What?
A penny for the gum

and two cents for the cigarette.

Sam? Sam!

Hi, sweetheart.

You left the outside light on.

Of course.
So you could see your way
in from the garage.

I always do.
Well, between the time
you turned it on

and I got home,
you wasted an awful lot
of electricity.

It might be worth
installing a switch,

so the light can be turned on
from the garage.

Well, why be so extravagant?

You drive your car
into the garage,

and honk your horn,
say, uh, three times,

then I'll allow a few seconds
for you to get out of the car,

and then I'll turn on
the outside light.

You can joke if you want to,
but electricity

doesn't grow on trees,
you know.

That's right.
It grows on telephone poles.

It's awfully bright in here.

Darrin, I get the message,
but why are you so concerned

over a few cents
worth of electricity?

A few cents here,
a few cents there.
It all mounts up.

And Sam, we've got
to do something

about saving
some money around here.

Well, I think I did
my share today.

I took the coat back.

You did?
Uh-huh.

Oh, that's great!

Oh, yes, that could be
quite a saving.

Well, if it makes you
that happy,

I ought to buy more things
and return them.

Sam, do we need
a 100-watt bulb in there?

Forgive me for changing
the subject,

but, um, how was your day?

I've been meaning to tell you.

I got a new account today.
Bigelow Tires.

The client and I,
just seem to hit it off.

Seems like we had
something in common.

Oh, well, sweetheart, I-I--

Well, I just can't tell you
how thrilled I am.

Hmm, thank you.

You know, I was thinking
of having Mr. Bigelow

and his wife over to dinner.

Larry and Louise too,
of course.

Why, yes, of course,
Sweetheart, anytime if--

[CHUCKLES] Phew!

Um, where did you get that?

This cigar?

That's what it is?
Bigelow.

Would you believe
they cost under
a nickel apiece?

That much?

Only if you buy them
from the maker.

Um, Darrin,

you're Mr. Bigelow sounds
like a terrible cheapskate.

Samantha, I don't appreciate
you criticizing somebody

that I happen to admire.

Now, if you don't mind,
I'll change the subject.

What's for dinner?

Uh, steak and asparagus
with hollandaise sauce.

Oh, I better check the sauce.

Oh, wait a minute.

What happened
to yesterday's spaghetti?

I threw it out.

You what?

Sam, that's an
inexcusable waste.

But you hate leftovers.

There's nothing wrong
with leftovers.

In fact, I prefer them.

Well, all right.

From now on, we'll have
nothing but leftovers.

If I can just figure out what
they'll be leftover from.

You've just given me a great
idea for a new product.

What's that?
Canned leftovers.

Lie down, sweetheart,
you've been overworking.

I'll call you
when dinner's ready.

Hey!

Oops. Sorry.

I didn't realize
you were in here.

Where did you think
I was cooking, in the garage?

It's curdled.

That makes two of us.

I'll just have to throw it away.

Are you kidding?
I love curdles.

Darrin, what's gotten
into you? You nev--

Ohhhh, Mother!

Mother's been at it again.

At what again?

She's turned you into
a terrible cheapskate.

I beg your pardon.

In what way have I been cheap?

Listen, do you think
tomorrow night's too soon

to ask Mr. Bigelow
and his wife to dinner?

Oh, no, I don't think so.

From what you've told me,
I'm sure he'd jump

at the offer of a free meal.

You're right.
I know I would.

I'll call him
from the office tomorrow.

What do you suggest I serve?

Veal birds?

What are veal birds?

Fake chicken legs on a stick
made of ground up veal.

Hey, that might be
kinda novel.

And it's inexpensive?

And cheap.

Sounds perfect.

Oh, I was only kidding.

Although in your condition,
I should know better than
to risk it.

I certainly am glad
you can come, Mr. Bigelow.

I hope you don't feel I was
too presumptuous in asking you.

After all,
we just met yesterday.

It was a very important
meeting for me.

It was like meeting a--
a kindred spirit.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

But if you insist
on bringing some wine,

there'll be six of us.

Yes, a gallon should be plenty.

Everything okay?
Mm-hm.

They should be here
any minute.

I'm practically set.

How are the veal birds doing?

That's funny.
They look just
like prime rib.

It is a prime rib!

Darrin, don't
you understand?

This is a business dinner.
Now, you--

Of course.
Business dinner.

Split the cost of the
prime rib with Larry.

That's good thinking, Sam.
Darrin, don't you dare
ask Larry to--

[DOORBELL]
I'll get it.

Oh...

Mother? Mother, I'm gonna
make one last appeal to you,

before this evening turns
into a disaster.

Now, you come back here
immediately

and take that spell off.

Well, there's nothing to do
but try and remove it myself,

which is half foolish
and half useless.

But I'm desperate.

Oh, come right in.

[CHATTERING]

This must be
Mrs. Bigelow.

How do you do?
Very nice to meet you.

Thank you.
Let me take your things.

You know Mr. and Mrs. Tate?

Oh, yes, we drove up together.
It was perfect timing.

Where's Sam?
DARRIN: Uh, Sam?

MRS. BIGELOW:
My, what a lovely home.

Thanks very much.
Won't you sit down?

Creepy, Cheapy
Take a chance

On a triple dose
Of extravagance

MRS. BIGELOW: We should move
to the country, dear.

MR. BIGELOW: The commuting gets
expensive, doesn't it, Stephens?

Yes, it does. I've been
thinking of organizing
a car pool.

Good idea.

Uh, Sam?

This is my wife.
Mr. and Mrs. Bigelow.

How do you do?
Mr. Bigelow,
Mrs. Bigelow.

How do you do?
Samantha.

LARRY: Hi, Sam.
Oh, hi, Lar--

[COUGHING]

I'm sorry.
Cigar bother you?

Oh, no. No, I love the smell
of a good cigar.

Well, I wish I had one.
This is awful.

That's what I've been trying
to tell you for 20 years.

[COUGHING]

I love them.
I'm gonna order some.

If you do,
you're crazy.

But-- but they're so cheap.

Look, you get
what you pay for.

If you haven't learned that,
you don't know a thing.

Darrin, how about
some drinks before dinner?

Good idea.

You get the glasses,
I'll pour the wine.

Mrs. Stephens,
that roast was sheer delight.

I haven't had prime rib
in years.

Oh, doctor's orders?

No, banker's.

We ought to have prime rib
once in a while.

Oh, yes, dear.
I'll start saving.

Have one of these Coronas.

Why, thank you.

Aren't those awfully expensive?

Two dollars a piece.

Two dollars?!

Well, if you want the best,
you've got to pay for it.

Dear, are you sure you
wouldn't like a bromide?

Oh, of course not.

Oh, incidentally,
what would you think

of the Andy Douglas Show
for Bigelow Tires?

I hear they're shopping
for a sponsor.

DARRIN: Oh, Mr. Bigelow, um,

in the presentation
I'm preparing,

I recommend that
you buy a show called

Spot the Place.
It's a game show.

And it's a much better buy
on a cost per thousand.

I'm not interested
in a better buy.

I like the Andy Douglas Show.

That'll cost you a fortune.
BIGELOW: Yes.

Besides, if you want
to make money,

you've got
to spend money, right?

Tate, I wanna talk to you
tomorrow about my account

and how it's going
to be handled.

And who's going to handle it.

Uh, excuse me,

there's something
I have to remove.

From the stove?
Not exactly.

I don't know what's gotten
into my husband.

But I hope it never wears off.

I thought you had to do
something, Samantha.

I'll do it later.

If it isn't too late.

As far as I'm concerned,

Andy Douglas is a funny,
funny man.

One of the funniest.

At those prices,
he better be.

But at the same time, he's warm.

One of the warmest.

The emcee of this game show
is warm and cheap.

You know, I'll never forget
the benefit Andy did

for the League
for Animal Assistance.

I'm chairman of their
Annual Fund Drive, you know.

Is that right?
You know that's a great charity.

I've always admired
the work they do.

You have?

How much can I put you down for?

Well, naturally I have
my own charities,

but I'll be glad to give
a token contribution.

Well, every little bit helps,
you know.

I'll put you down for five.
Fine.

Stephens, how about you?
Perhaps you'd care
to give something.

Uh, Mr. Bigelow,

I hope you're not going
to misunderstand this--

uh, charities are all
well and good...

Well!
[LAUGHS]

Well, what took
you so long?

I guess things did get
a little out of hand,
didn't they?

A little--? Mother,
I'll never forgive you.

But I'll think it over
if you take that spell

off Darrin this instant.

Oh... All right.

Weebus, wallabus, teetle bell

The time has come
To alter the spell

Rumbus, rebus, apple pan soak

The spell I wove I now revoke

I wish I'd said that.

Oh, Mother, wait a minute.

Okay.

And I think your charity
is one of the best.

So, you can put me down for
the same amount as Larry.

Well, thank you, gentlemen.

That's very generous of you.

Tate: five.

Stephens: five.

You know $1000 goes a long way
for a stray dog or cat.

Goes a long way
for a human, too.

I tell you,
I've never seen

a change come over a man
like that, have you?

Once in a while.

Mrs. Bigelow certainly left here
on a cloud, didn't she?

Yeah. I'm not even going
to say I'm mad at your mother,

because that would be
the understatement of the year.

Would you get
the cups, please?

Yeah. If she ever tries anything
like that again, I'll--

You'll what?

If you're trying to show me
how small you feel,

because of what you did
to me, forget it!

You--!
Darrin.

Darrin, don't let
her size fool you.

There's nothing small
about her powers.

What are you doing in there?

Resting, darling.

Oddly enough,
I'm glad you're here.

Putting that spell on me
was bad enough,

But taking it off when you did,
was a really rotten timing.

Oh, don't make such a fuss.

You know as well as I do
that $500 is tax deducible,

or whatever you people call it.

That's not the point.

Now I don't know if I can
afford the gift I bought you.

[GASPS] You bought
me something?

What is it?
Let me see.

Don't peek.

If he's giving something,

this I have to see.

Oh, Mother, stop it.

[GASPS] Oh, Darrin!

No wonder you acted so funny
about the one I bought.

Well, naturally,
I was a little disappointed.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

I was going to...
when something came over me.

Mother.
What?

You ready to say uncle?

[♪♪]