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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,139
[ITALIAN ACCENT]
That should give you some
idea as to how we handle
2
00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,675
the Chef Romani product
in our European market.
3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:11,078
Now we come to invade
the American market.
4
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:13,814
[LAUGHS] This is one
invasion we Americans
5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,816
will surrender to
without a fight.
6
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,417
With the proper propaganda.
7
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:21,321
We prefer
to call it commercials.
Of course.
8
00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:24,825
Mr. Arcarius, I pride myself
on being an average American,
9
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:28,295
and the average American
eats Italian food once a week.
10
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,497
I sometimes
eat it twice.
11
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:31,665
Good boy.
12
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,433
Now I'm certain we here
at McMann & Tate
13
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,536
have the personnel,
the imagination--
14
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,238
I am aware of your
reputation, Mr. Tate.
15
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,440
But, there
is something
more important,
16
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,143
Mr. Romani's impression
of you will be based
17
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:47,147
not so much on, uh,
campaigns as on personality.
18
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:51,051
Now, it might be
a nice, little touch
of diplomacy
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,388
if one of you
had a smattering of Italian.
20
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,591
No problem.
21
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,560
Uh, Darrin is fluent
in the tongue.
22
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,131
Well, I wouldn't
exactly say fluent.
23
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:07,200
I, uh, have a smattering
of, uh, fluency.
24
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,569
Oh?
Lei parla bene allora?
25
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:13,173
Comme ci
comme ça.
26
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,208
He speaks,
French too.
27
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:17,144
Oh, marvelous.
28
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,578
It's been a splendid
meeting, gentlemen.
29
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,514
I am very encouraged
and certain
30
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,481
that we will
do business together.
31
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:23,250
Good.
I will keep in touch.
32
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,885
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
33
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,386
Auf Wiedersehen.
34
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,988
He speaks German, too.
35
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,156
Oh.
36
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,224
Bye-bye.
37
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:33,293
How was that
for fancy footwork, huh?
38
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,429
You put your fancy foot
in my mouth, Larry.
39
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,297
I don't know
a single word of Italian.
40
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,666
So, for $500,000
in billings, you'll learn.
41
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,969
I don't have
a facility for languages.
42
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,971
In college,
I was a D student.
43
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,305
How hard can it be
44
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,307
if every little kid in Italy
can speak it?
45
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:48,842
Don't be funny.
46
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:50,944
Okay.
47
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,980
Uh, let me put it this way--
48
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,614
You understand English?
49
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,850
Yes.
50
00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:01,121
Then listen very carefully
to Great White Father.
51
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,924
He speak softly
but carry big stick.
52
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:07,327
Chef Romani heap big account.
53
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:10,130
So you learn
to speak simple Italian,
54
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,599
or findum other job.
55
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,409
[♪♪]
56
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,826
So... I accepted the challenge!
57
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,428
At first, I was mad.
58
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,630
But then I asked myself,
"Who am I mad at?"
59
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,266
Larry? No!
I was mad at myself
60
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,934
for being afraid
to accept the challenge.
61
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,104
So I went over
to the World Wide
School of Languages
62
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,338
and bought these albums.
63
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,140
Well, sweetheart,
I'm very proud of you.
64
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,210
Thank you. It's just a matter
of concentration, right?
65
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,380
Right. But you didn't
have to buy records.
66
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,315
I speak a little Italian.
Perhaps I could--
67
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:37,017
Yeah,
I know, I know.
68
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,352
I'd rather
do it by myself.
69
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,288
Now, if you'll go,
I have to get to work.
70
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,423
Go, go.
Okay.
71
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:49,429
[SIGHS]
MAN'S VOICE [ITALIAN ACCENT]:
Hello.
72
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:53,200
My name is
Alfonso Martinelli.
73
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,102
I am your teacher.
74
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,870
What is your name?
75
00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:01,241
Darrin Stephens.
Now say it in Italian.
76
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,277
[ITALIAN ACCENT]
Dino Stevanso?
77
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,046
In Italian, you say,
78
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:10,250
"Io sono il Signor
blank blank."
79
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,386
Io sono il Signor
Blank Blank.
80
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,623
You see how easy?
81
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,825
Easy for you,
difficult for me.
82
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,561
You meet beautiful
girl in café
83
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:25,332
and you wish to become
acquainted.
84
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:28,668
"Lei ha una figura
per fare l'amore."
85
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:33,573
Which means, "You have
a body made for love."
86
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,277
Repeat after me.
87
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,246
Lei.
Lei.
88
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:40,981
Ha.
Ha.
89
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,382
Una.
Una.
90
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,317
Figura.
Figura.
91
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,819
Per.
Per.
92
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,420
Far.
Far.
93
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,689
L'amore.
L'amore.
94
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:53,393
Again.
[CLEARS THROAT]
95
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:57,197
Lei ha figura, uh--
96
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,832
Twice is enough.
97
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,735
If she does not respond,
find another table.
98
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,037
What kind of a record
is that?
99
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:10,076
"Simple phrases for the American
bachelor in Italy."
100
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:12,045
Oh, for heaven's sake.
101
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:16,750
Darling, you and I can go
to the opera at La Scala.
102
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,019
And weekends we can
motor down to Venice.
103
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,688
Prince Pepe will put us up
at the pink palazzo.
104
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:25,826
And afternoons we could go
to the American bar.
105
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,494
We can...
106
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,564
Well, we can just stop dreaming.
107
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,699
What's-his-name will never
learn the language,
108
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:35,235
and you'll be stuck here
in this stultifying suburb
109
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,537
for the rest of your
unnatural life.
110
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,673
Mother, in the first place,
111
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,242
I do not like the opera
or Prince Pepe.
112
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,577
In the second place,
113
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,545
what's-his-name's
name is Darrin.
114
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,848
In the third place,
I read stultifying suburb
115
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,350
as home sweet home.
116
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,953
And in the fourth place,
117
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,722
I'll bet Darrin
does learn Italian.
118
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:57,958
That would be nice.
119
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,859
That would be very nice.
120
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,429
That way, if you ever do
make a trip to Europe,
121
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:05,966
Dum-Dum wouldn't be
a source of embarrassment.
122
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,436
Mother, dear.
Yes?
123
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,471
Butt out.
124
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,640
Of course.
125
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,876
Good.
126
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:20,547
WOMAN: Now you will
count, please.
127
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,816
Uno, due,
128
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:23,950
tre...
129
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,886
[MOUTHING]
130
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,387
...quattro,
131
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,655
cinque.
132
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,224
Time. If you counted to ten,
133
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,826
you are a superior student.
134
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,128
To seven,
you are average.
135
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,897
And to five,
stupido.
136
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,533
You really know
how to hurt a guy.
137
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,969
Now I will test you
on the months of the year
138
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,905
which we had
in the beginning of the record.
139
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,607
Begin, please.
140
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,744
Uh, January,
Gennaio.
141
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,580
February...
Forget February!
142
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,882
Uh, March,
Marzo.
143
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,884
April--
144
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,758
Uno, due, tre
145
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,628
I wish he might
I wish he may
146
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:12,065
Speak like an Italian
At the break of day!
147
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,835
Aprile,
148
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:16,970
Maggio,
149
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,039
Guigno, Luglio,
150
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,907
Agosto, Settembre,
151
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:24,544
Ottobre, Novembre,
Dicembre.
152
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:27,881
Hey, how about that.
153
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,883
Now we'll review
the conjugation
154
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,018
of the verb
"to see."
155
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,189
Sei bella...
156
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,392
come i fiori nel vaso.
157
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:43,096
Grazie. Darrin,
did you say that?
158
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,699
[ITALIAN ACCENT]
You were expecting
maybe Marcello Mastroianni?
159
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,601
Oh, Darrin,
that's beautiful!
160
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,270
Yeah, it was,
wasn't it?
161
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,471
I guess sticking to it
paid off.
162
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,139
What time
did you get to bed?
163
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,076
Who got to bed?
I was up with those
records all night.
164
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,377
Honey,
it was exciting.
165
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,678
Suddenly, I felt
like a-- a sponge,
166
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,146
soaking it all in.
167
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,482
That Miss Petruccelli
is quite a teacher.
168
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,919
[GIGGLES]
Hey, ask me the time.
169
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,554
What time is it?
170
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:09,289
Le nove e dieci.
171
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,591
That's perfect.
172
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,063
Che bel profumo.
173
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:19,666
They do smell nice,
don't they?
174
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,068
[ITALIAN ACCENT]
Ask-a me somethin' else-a.
175
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,037
Why don't ya ask me
how I feel.
176
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,472
Darrin.
177
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,273
Now, just a minute-a,
Samantha.
178
00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:30,844
Now, I gonna tell-a you
the colors in a rainbow.
179
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,179
Why are you talking like that?
180
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,881
Why am I talkin' what-a way?
181
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,716
With-- With an Italian accent.
182
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:40,253
Are you crazy?
Who's-a talkin'
with-a Italian accent?
183
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,324
I tell you what I gonna do.
Now, I gonna speak it to you,
the furniture.
184
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,593
Tavola.
185
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,428
Tappeto.
186
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,696
Lampada.
187
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,364
How you like-a dem apples?
188
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,433
I-I-I can't get over it.
189
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,235
Non ti capisco.
190
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,003
I said I couldn't get over it.
191
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,005
Non ti capisco.
192
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,441
What do you mean,
you don't understand me?
193
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,543
Parla Italiano.
194
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,545
Ah, I see.
195
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,647
You want some more
practice, huh?
196
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:09,716
Well, uh... Mm.
197
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:13,586
Vuoi una banana
con i cereali?
198
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,255
Perché no?
199
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,727
Cosa dice il giornale?
200
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,731
Dice-- What do you mean,
"What it says"?
201
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,833
Parla Italiano.
202
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:31,438
Darrin... wipe that glazed look
off your eyes.
203
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,006
You're scaring me.
204
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,641
Eh?
205
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,744
Darrin, quit fooling around!
206
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,379
Non ti capisco.
207
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,015
Hey-- [GASPS]
208
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:45,318
You don't understand.
You really don't.
209
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,221
Oh! Mother did it.
210
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,623
Mamma ha fatto, questo.
211
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:53,827
Ohhh! Mother!
Mother!
212
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:57,197
Endora, vieni qui!
213
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,632
O ti strangolo!
214
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:01,434
Oh, uh,
take it easy, sweetheart.
215
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,103
I'll--
I'll fix everything.
216
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,472
Oh, uh...
217
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,507
Speak Italian
218
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,908
But spoil the spell
219
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,644
And speak your
Mother tongue as well
220
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,881
Come?
221
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,084
Oh! Mother!
222
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,687
Endora!
223
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,923
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
224
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:30,763
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
225
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,266
[CONTINUES SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
226
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,002
Oh! Mamma mia!
227
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:44,043
Gatto. Cat.
228
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:48,414
Cat. Gatto.
229
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:51,651
Ca--
Oh, Darrin.
230
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,820
I'm sorry,
but it's the only way,
231
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,855
until I can find Mother.
232
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:57,957
The old-fashioned way,
like in school.
233
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,259
Eh?
234
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:04,297
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
235
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:11,738
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
236
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,239
"I am happy to make
your acquaintance."
237
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,108
Oh.
Aww.
238
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:18,311
I am happy to make
your acquaintance.
239
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,613
Ripete.
240
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,515
I am...
241
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,517
I emm...
242
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,453
happy...
243
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,721
to make...
244
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:29,956
to mek...
245
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:31,958
...your acquaintance.
246
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,928
...your acquaintenence.
247
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:38,765
Uh. Now-- now say it,
uh, dillo presto.
248
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,867
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
249
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,336
Oh. Darrin!
250
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,172
Non posso!
Non capisci? Non Posso!
251
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,808
Endora!
Miserabile suocera!
252
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,877
Ritorna!
253
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,278
[DOORBELL RINGS]
254
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,249
Aspetta.
255
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,951
Aspetta?
256
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,056
Oh! È Larry Tate.
257
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,191
Mamma mia!
258
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,359
Vai in cucina.
259
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:07,927
Cucina.
Cucina.
260
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:10,029
[DOORBELL RINGS]
261
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,938
Hi, Sam. I thought
I'd unclog the freeway
262
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,940
and have Darrin
drive into work with me.
263
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:24,777
Well, you certainly picked
a fine morning to be thoughtful.
264
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,914
Well?
265
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,183
Aren't you gonna ask me in?
266
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,484
What for?
267
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,086
I mean,
do come in, Larry.
268
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,787
But, Darrin's not here.
269
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,389
His car's out front.
270
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,758
Um, I mean
he's upstairs.
271
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,426
Well, that's here.
272
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,794
Not really.
273
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,329
He's in bed.
274
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,530
Too much studying, huh?
275
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,233
Oh, you wouldn't believe it.
276
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:50,536
Well, as long as he can fake
a few "Arrivederci Romas",
277
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:54,474
I'll be satisfied.
Oh, he can fake
that all right.
278
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:55,775
Well, I won't
keep him long.
279
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,610
Uh, Larry,
I wish you wouldn't.
280
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,045
[GLASS SMASHES]
281
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,214
[YELLING IN ITALIAN]
282
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,548
[CHUCKLES]
283
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,784
[MUMBLING IN ITALIAN]
284
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:10,123
Son of a gun!
285
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,826
Marvelous! You sounded
just like a native.
286
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:18,297
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
287
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,466
Grazie.
288
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,701
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
289
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,302
He says,
"Won't you
have a seat?"
290
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,605
[LAUGHS]
291
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,874
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
You're great!
292
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,709
Just great!
293
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,210
Oh, uh.
294
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,514
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
295
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,149
Grazie, signore.
296
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,385
I'm impressed.
I'm really impressed.
297
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:42,088
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
298
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,357
Now come on. Cut out
the United Nations routine.
299
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,493
Darrin, Romani's coming
to the office at 3:00
this afternoon--
300
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,896
SAM: Larry, I'm-- I'm afraid
you're wasting your breath.
301
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:52,732
Darrin can't understand
a word you're saying.
302
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,701
I beg your pardon?
303
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,669
Well, it's quite normal.
304
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,706
It's quite normal that he
doesn't understand
a word I'm saying?
305
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:03,076
Yes. Isn't that marvelous?
306
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,178
Now-- Now I don't understand
a word you're saying.
307
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:10,016
Oh, um, well, let me see
if I can explain it to you.
308
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,852
It's a... technique.
309
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,887
It's called total immersion.
310
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,724
Darrin is drowning
in the Italian language.
311
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,325
He is, huh?
312
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:21,894
Well, tell him
to come up for air.
313
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,597
[LAUGHING]
314
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,433
Oh, I-I'm afraid
it's a little late, Larry.
315
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:30,169
He can't think or speak
in anything but Italian.
316
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,738
Y-you're not serious.
317
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,973
Boy, am I serious.
318
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:39,178
I know it's a put-on,
but I'll go along with it.
319
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:41,481
Darrin, I want your
recommendation
320
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:45,618
on who to assign as
copywriter and art director.
321
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:50,022
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
322
00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:53,993
Bene. Recommendo...
323
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,429
Bill Baxter e Sam Kaplan.
324
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:59,132
He says "Bill Baxter"--
Oh, I got
the gist of it.
325
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,534
Thank you.
Uh, grazie.
326
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:06,606
'Appy to make-a
you acquainenence.
327
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,741
All right, Darrin,
you've had your
little joke.
328
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,843
Now, come on.
Let's go to work.
329
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,880
Larry, I'm afraid that might
be a little dangerous for him.
330
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,049
You see, he has to, uh,
decompress from--
331
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,718
From the immersion.
332
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,253
Yes.
All right, Sam.
333
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,722
You make sure
he's at the office
at 3:00.
334
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,891
Three o'clock.
335
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,860
Ciao.
Ciao.
336
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,695
LARRY:
Three o'clock.
337
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,200
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
338
00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:40,873
Endora!
Endora!
339
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,008
Mother!
Mother!
340
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:46,112
Ritorna!
Mamma!
341
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,214
Oh, dear.
342
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,715
Sweetheart,
you go on to the office,
343
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,084
I'll find Mother.
Come?
344
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,355
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
345
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,394
Welcome to the agency,
Mr. Romani.
346
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,263
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
...Signor Tate.
347
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,834
I hope the relationship
will be long and fruitful.
348
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,536
[KNOCKING]
Come in.
349
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:13,573
Ah, this is my associate,
Darrin Stephens.
350
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,907
Mr. Romani.
351
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:21,147
[SPEAKING
IN ITALIAN]
352
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,783
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
353
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,686
He wants to know what
part of Italy he comes from.
354
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,423
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
355
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,491
He says he wasn't
born in Italy.
356
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,960
He was born
in the United States.
357
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,228
I know that.
358
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,697
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
359
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,803
He does not
believe him.
360
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,038
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
361
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,142
Now, enough's
enough.
362
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:51,944
Now, stop showing
off, Darrin.
363
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,246
Speak to him
in English.
364
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,348
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
365
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,453
Ha. He says that
to honor Mr. Romani,
366
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,755
he wishes to speak
Italian only.
367
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,391
Forget Italiano.
368
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,627
Speak-a to me
in the English.
369
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:08,961
Non capisco.
370
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,329
What do you mean
you don't understand?
371
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:13,199
I heard you speak
English yesterday.
372
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,801
Non capisco.
Non capisco?
373
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:18,271
Si! Si.
Grazie.
374
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:22,308
I know you can hear me, Mother,
375
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,477
wherever you are,
so you hear me good!
376
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,212
Now, I'm gonna count to three.
377
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:29,181
Not five, not four, but three!
378
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:32,151
And if you're not here
on the count of three,
379
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:33,920
no matter where you are,
no matter what you're doing,
380
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,857
I am gonna forbid you
to set foot in this house again.
381
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,259
One, two, three.
382
00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:43,296
You said, wherever I am.
383
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,664
Now just don't stand there,
384
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,266
here, do a little work
on your Mama's back.
385
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:50,503
Mother, do you realize
what you've done to Darrin?
386
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,606
Well, I've just given him
a little private tutoring.
387
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:57,510
You have deprived Darrin of
the use of the English language.
388
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,512
Oh, I have?
389
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,347
Well, so I've given him
an overdose.
390
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:05,084
Your overdose
can cost him his job!
391
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,420
Please don't shout,
Samantha,
392
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,022
or I will have to ask you
to leave my bathroom.
393
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:14,193
And I will have to ask you
to leave this house forever,
394
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,662
unless you unspell Darrin.
395
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:17,863
Subito!
396
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,232
Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.
397
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,202
Cancel the spell.
398
00:18:25,171 --> 00:18:28,107
That's an incantation?
399
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,609
What do you expect
at this hour, darling?
400
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,778
Poetry?
401
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,281
Now, it isn't that
I don't trust you, Mother,
402
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:38,951
but you're coming with me.
Get dressed.
403
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:43,222
LARRY: Mr. Romani,
Stephens, like everyone
else in McMann & Tate,
404
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,625
is dedicated to doing things
to their fullest fruition.
405
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,161
No halfway measures
at McMann & Tate.
406
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:52,098
Stephens is to be
prided on his
devotion to, uh,
407
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:55,167
all Italian
or no Italian.
408
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,136
Don't you agree?
409
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,740
You going to speak-a to me
in the Henglish,
410
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:05,344
or I'm goin' to walk
right out of here.
411
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:07,646
Okay, you want-a me
to speak-a to you in English,
412
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,182
I'm-a gonna speak-a
to you English.
413
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,887
LARRY: Are you
out of your mind?
414
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,455
How dare you!
415
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:19,625
I'm-a doin' the best I can.
416
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,030
Mother, do something.
417
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,265
I'm-a do the best I can.
418
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:29,802
It has to take time,
Samantha.
419
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,210
You a lie, Mr. Stephens.
420
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,880
No Americano speaks
Italiano like-a that.
421
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:45,951
I swear to you Senor,
I am-a one hundred
percent Yankee.
422
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,687
You're gonna be one hundred
percent unemployed Yankee,
423
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,591
if you don't apologize
to Mr. Romani this minute!
424
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,361
I...
425
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,064
am... very...
426
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:03,335
sorry if I've done anything
to offend you, uh, Mr. Romani.
427
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,204
But I'm sure
I can explain.
428
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,274
You speak-a
perfect-a English.
429
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,176
You was-a mocking me.
430
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:13,079
You were deliberately
mocking him!
431
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,480
DARRIN: Deliberately.
432
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,682
And do you know why?
433
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,150
Do you know why?
434
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,286
No, but it better be good.
435
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,954
I'll tell you why.
436
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,792
Because.
437
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:27,626
Go on.
438
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:31,530
I was trying to impress
on Mr. Romani...
439
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:35,167
the danger of the Romani image
becoming, uh,
440
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,838
provincial...
and laughable.
441
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,040
I hope there's more.
442
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:47,446
I despise those people
who find dialect
humor amusing.
443
00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:50,616
My boss is a very sensitive man.
444
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:54,053
He didn't know what I was doing.
445
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,855
I'll take an oath on that.
446
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:58,390
DARRIN: Did you notice
how incensed he was
447
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:02,128
at my accent, because he
thought I was mocking you.
448
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:06,365
He was right.
I was mocking you
deliberately.
449
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:08,868
And do you know why?
No, why?
450
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:13,606
If you multiply Mr. Tate
by 100,000,000 consumers,
451
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,108
I think you'll get
what I'm driving at.
452
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,711
And I believe
I can say without
fear of contradiction,
453
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:21,547
that if you decide
to give us the campaign,
454
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:25,050
our account will be
100 percent American sell.
455
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:29,655
The food may be Italian,
the accent... American.
456
00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:31,924
I understand what you say-a.
457
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:34,860
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
458
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,732
What did he say?
459
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:40,733
"What's he say?"
460
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,802
[LAUGHING]
"What did he say?"
461
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:45,704
[LAUGHING]
462
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:49,842
But I don't care.
463
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,545
I like to do
business with you.
464
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:54,847
You won't regret it,
Mr. Romani.
465
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:58,817
Now, let me introduce you
and Mr. Arcarius to the rest
of the staff.
466
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:02,588
[ALL LAUGHING]
'Appy to make-a
your acquaintenence.
467
00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:04,690
Likewise,
I'm sure.
468
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,127
[LAUGHING]
469
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:10,763
That's the greatest
salesmanship I've ever seen.
470
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:11,864
You're a genius.
471
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:14,967
You're not going
to understand this, Larry.
472
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:16,635
But I have to be.
473
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:21,774
[SIGHS]
474
00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:32,518
I don't expect
any thanks,
475
00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:35,154
but at least a tiny pat
on the head.
476
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:38,090
How about a kick in the--
Darrin!
477
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:42,828
She's my mother!
Oh, stop pouting,
Dino.
478
00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:46,632
All's well that ends well,
as what's-his-name says.
479
00:22:46,632 --> 00:22:49,168
Ahh, I'm famished.
480
00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:53,672
Why don't you take my daughter
and me to a nice Italian dinner.
481
00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,741
It's only 4:30
in the afternoon.
482
00:22:55,741 --> 00:22:58,377
Oh, I'm still
on European time.
483
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,579
Then why don't you
go to dinner in Europe?
484
00:23:00,579 --> 00:23:02,848
That's a splendid idea.
485
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:04,550
Let's go.
486
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:07,453
DARRIN: Saaam!
487
00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:14,426
[♪♪]
488
00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:18,063
And on Mother's
last trip to Italy--
489
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,398
Quite recently.
490
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:22,635
Yes. She brought back
two paintings,
491
00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:24,236
three evening dresses,
492
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:27,006
and 400 pounds
of Romani product.
493
00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:28,774
Brava!
[ALL LAUGHING]
494
00:23:28,774 --> 00:23:31,310
You know I must-a
congratulate-a Samantha.
495
00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:33,679
You have a most-a
brilliant husband.
496
00:23:33,679 --> 00:23:36,482
His-a campaign makes Chef Romani
497
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:39,618
as an American as,
uh, apple pie.
498
00:23:39,618 --> 00:23:42,588
Well, we like him.
499
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:45,224
Ah, but he is
a naughty boy.
500
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:47,726
[LAUGHING]
501
00:23:47,726 --> 00:23:49,461
Come on,
naughty boy.
502
00:23:49,461 --> 00:23:52,031
Uh, uh, speak-a to me
a few words in Italiano.
503
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:54,667
I feel-a like-a getting,
uh, home-a-sick.
504
00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:58,304
He speak so delicious.
505
00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:01,607
Oblige him,
Mr. Stephens.
506
00:24:03,409 --> 00:24:04,977
Do it for me.
507
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:16,455
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
508
00:24:30,235 --> 00:24:32,905
[WEEPING] Listen how
he speaks.
509
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:36,408
So beautiful.
So beautiful.
510
00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:39,445
Why he deny-as
he's-a Italiano?
511
00:24:39,445 --> 00:24:41,580
You tell-a me,
Samantha,
512
00:24:41,580 --> 00:24:43,515
what-a province
he comes-a from?
513
00:24:43,515 --> 00:24:45,417
Ah-ha-ha.
514
00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:46,652
[ALL LAUGHING]
515
00:24:46,652 --> 00:24:48,754
Would somebody
tell-a me, please?
516
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,889
Somebody tell me.
517
00:24:54,126 --> 00:24:57,930
[♪♪]
35409
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