All language subtitles for Bewitched S03E33 Theres Gold in Them Thar Pills_track3_[eng]

Hello.
Max Grand’s drugstore?

Oh, hi, Evelyn.
This is Mrs. Stephens.

I was wondering...

Bless you.

Could you deliver
a hot water bottle?

Oh, I see.

Well, just tell your
delivery boy to go home
and go to bed,

keep warm, drink plenty
of liquids and get
a lot of rest.

Yes. Uh, bye.

Oh, dear.

Darling, forgive me
for being so late.

Late for what?
Have you forgotten?
We had a date to go shopping.

Well, I’m sorry, mother,
but I can’t leave.
Darrin’s not well.

(SIGHS)
what’s new about that?

His head is so stuffed up
he can hardly breathe.

Well, it can only be
an improvement, Samantha.

Oh, mother. Now, I’m going
to go out and get him
a hot water bottle.

Would you stay
till I get back?

Well...
Oh, please?

Oh, all right.
Thank you.

Darling, I’m gonna go out and
get you a hot water bottle.
DARRIN: Okay.

Dr. Altman’s gonna send over
one of his associates.
DARRIN: Good.

And mother’s here.

Did you hear me?
DARRIN: I heard ya.

Uh, well, I’ll only be gone
a minute. Mother’s gonna
take care of Tabatha.

And then can we go shopping?
Oh, mother,
that’s impossible...

Unless Darrin gets well
in a hurry.

Ah. Guess who’s going
to get better in a hurry.

For your information,
I was about to enter
my bath.

Oh, I’m so sorry,
Dr. Bombay,

But this is
something of an emergency.

You know perfectly well
my practice is limited
to our own people.

But I thought just this
teensy-weensy once
you’d make an exception.

Hmm? For me?
Pretty please?

Endora, some women
can get away with being coy.

You are not among
their number.

Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I’ll get back to my bath.

But if he doesn’t get
any better, Samantha will be
tied to this house all week.

Unfortunate.
And she won’t be able
to go to Paris with me.

Regrettable.

I’ll just have to get
Dr. Agrafor to replace you
as our family doctor.

Where’s the patient?
Right this way.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

I wanna thank you for coming
over to see me, doctor.

Especially since I’m not
one of your regular patients.

No, I’d say you’re
a most irregular patient.

Pardon?

Lean forward.

What’s the matter?

Well, I’m only human.
Sorry, I forgot about that.

Well, I think I’ve located
your difficulty.
What is it?

You have a cold.
I have a cold.

That’s what I just said.
That’s where I heard it.

These pills will do the
trick.
Antibiotics?

Antibiotics only bore
a cold to death.

Take one of those pills
and your cold will be cured
instantly.

That’s amazing.
Who puts these out?

I do.

Well, uh, are they safe?

I can assure you they have
been
untouched by human hands.

Yeah, but how come
nobody ever...
(SUPPRESSING A SNEEZE)

If there’s going to be
another monsoon,
I’d better leave.

Wait, wait, wait.
Just a minute, doctor.

(INHALES)

It’s gone!
My cold’s gone!

I never make idle promises.

But this is amazing!

Doctor, have you ever
thought of putting
these out commercially?

What for?
You could make
an awful lot of money.

What would I do with money?

The same thing
everybody else does.
Buy things...

Planes, boats, cars,
houses, you name it.

I can assure you,
I have no need
for any of those things.

May I tell you something,
doctor?

It’s amazing in this
day and age to find someone
who doesn’t care about money.

You’re quite unique.
For your information,

you are concurring with
a vast body of opinion.

(DOORBELL RINGS)
Can you get that, Endora?

ENDORA: No. I’m busy
with the baby.

I’ll be right back.

(SIGHS)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Larry, what a surprise!
What are you doing
out of bed?

Sam said you couldn’t lift
your head off the pillow.

You’re supposed to be
suffering.
I feel fine.

Oh, that’s marvelous,
just marvelous!

Here I am, dragging myself
to work with a temperature
of 101 degrees,

And you’re at home
feeling fine!

Less than a minute ago
I was lying upstairs.

I was coughing, sneezing,
my head was stuffed.

The doctor gave me these pills
I took one, just one, mind you
and the cold disappeared.

A little hard to believe, huh?
No, it’s not a little
hard to believe.

It’s impossible to believe!
(SNEEZES)

You want the surprise
of your life?
Take one of these pills.

You’re gonna carry this
charade
out to the bitter end, eh?

I’m truly grateful to you,
Dr. Bombay.

I wish there was some way
I could repay you.

There is.
In what way?

Allow me to get on
with my bath.

(INHALING)
Ah.

Incredible!
Did I tell you?

You know
what’s in this bottle?
A million dollars!

A million?
A billion!
Where are you going?

Where do you think?
To have a nice little talk
with the doctor.

Forget it.
He’s a dedicated scientist.
He doesn’t care about money.

Doesn’t care about money?

Well. Well, if money doesn’t
mean anything to him,
something else does.

Everybody has an Achilles’
heel, a weak spot, my boy.

And as you know, I have
a Ph.D. In weak heels.

Shh.

I just got Tabatha
to sleep.

We’re just going upstairs
to see the doctor.

Oh, he’s gone.
BOTH: Gone!

We didn’t see him
come downstairs.

Well, I... I mean he’s...
He’s really gone.

You know, way out.

You’re not kidding.
Come on, Lar.
I’ll go up and send him down.

I just don’t want you
to wake the baby.

Say, you know what
I was thinking?
Mmm.

If we tie up the doctor,
Hornbeck will be in
this afternoon...

Yeah! And can you imagine
what a pill like this
would mean

to a business like
Hornbeck Pharmaceuticals?

Yeah. And for his partner.

He doesn’t have
any partners.
He will.

Oh, I’m so sorry.

I know a doctor isn’t supposed
to have a life of his own,
but this is ridiculous.

How was I to know
you were still in your bath?

I take long baths.

Dr. Agrafor takes
short showers.

Dr. Bombay, believe me,
I know your type.

Selfless, dedicated,
devoted to your work.

And I ask you, is it fair
for you to deny your remedy
to the rest of humanity?

It so happens that humanity,
as you call it,
is not my concern.

Anyway, I don’t know what
you’re talking about.

I prescribe it
whenever it’s necessary.

Doctor, I make you this offer.
Put yourself in my hands,

and you will go down
with the great of medicine.

Lister, Pasteur,
Madame Curie...

Sir! I’ll thank you
not to classify me
among the amateurs!

Uh, doctor.

Let me show you the big
picture.

How many people in the world?
Three billion, four?

Let’s say they live
in a billion homes.
Now, think of this, doctor.

In a billion bathrooms
around the world, there is
a bottle in the medicine chest

And emblazoned across
the label is the name...

"Doctor Bombay."

And below the name,
your picture.

In color.

Yes. Yes, that, uh,
might be rather nice.

Bingo.

Now, what do you say we draw
up a little agreement,
Dr. Achilles?

I mean, Dr. Bombay.

Anything to get me back
to my bath.

Honey, I’m home.
Did the doctor come?

He sure did.
In fact, you just missed him.

What are you doing
out of bed?

The most incredible thing
happened. The doctor
gave me some pills,

and cured my cold
just like that!

But something
more important happened.
That’s right, Sam.

You won’t have to go shopping
anymore. The shops
will come to you!

What are you talking about?
The pills!
The pills the doctor gave me!

They cure the common cold!
And we’ve got the rights
to them!

Honey, we’re rich!
Well, I...

(LAUGHING)
Wait a minute.

I want to know.
Was that the doctor
that Dr. Altman sent?

Yeah. A great guy.
A little eccentric, who cares?
Come on, Darrin.

What was his name?
Dr. Bombay.

Doc...
Bye, honey.

(GASPS)
Dr. Bombay!

Mother! Mother!

Oh, you’re back.

Oh, mother, how could you!
Oh, you mean
Dr. Bombay?

Oh, I wouldn’t worry,
darling. He cured
what’s-his-name’s cold

and now we can hop over
to Paris.

Well, mother dear,
for your information,

I had no intention
of hopping anywhere
with you.

I was simply humoring you!
Now I have to find out
what was in those pills.

You get that quack
right back here.

I wouldn’t dream
of disturbing him again.

Very well, I’ll go to him.
Oh, I wouldn’t do that
if I were you.

Well, you’re not!
I’m going to.

(SCREAMING)

You see? Mama knows best.

Well, what mama knows worst
is how to mind her own
business.

Show him in, please.
He’s here!

Boy, am I going to enjoy this.
Me too. The old buzzard.

Good afternoon, Mr. Hornbeck.
How are you?
(SNEEZES)

Did I answer your question?
Okay, let’s skip the amenities
and get down to business.

Sir...
Look, if you don’t come up
with a campaign

that’s going to stop
our sagging sales,
you’re through.

Do you read me?
Oh, yes, sir.
Like a book.

A best-seller.
Mr. Hornbeck, before we
discuss the new campaign,

I’m not ready for one of your
elaborate stalls.

If you don’t have anything,
just say so,
and I’ll get out of here.

We’ve got something
to show you, all right.
Now?

Now.

Sir?
"Found, a cure
for the common cold.

"Dr. Bombay’s cold bombs."

Well?
How ’bout that?

I’ll tell you how ’bout that.
I think you people
have flipped.

You don’t know one account
from another. That isn’t
even one of my products!

That’s what we’re
leading up to.
It can be!

What are you
babbling about?
Sir, what would you say

if I told you that we
ran into a doctor who found
a cure for the common cold?

I’d say put him away with the
guy who claims
he can grow hair. (SNEEZES)

Mr. Hornbeck, you’re
in for the biggest
surprise of your life.

Here.

Incredible.
Absolutely incredible.

I’m so sorry I misjudged you.
What is this going to
cost me?

It isn’t going to cost
us anything, partner.

"Partner?"
Naturally.

Naturally,
but the name’s all wrong.
It’s a little corny.

We’ll have to change that.
DARRIN:
Oh, we couldn’t do that.

Dr. Bombay is the man
who found the cure.

And the name is part
of our deal with him.

Dr. Bombay.

Has a bit of a ring,
hasn’t it?

You again!
Didn’t I tell you to knock?

I knew you wouldn’t be
taking a bath in here.

Dr. Bombay,
I’m worried about the pills
you gave my husband.

Why? He got rid
of his cold, didn’t he?

Yes, but have you ever given
them to humans before?
No.

Well, then how do you know
they’re safe
for a human to take?

Well, I’ll soon find out,
won’t I?
(LAUGHS)

That’s not fair.
They might have some
terrible side effect.

My dear girl, how is
a scientist to learn
unless he experiments?

You also gave them
permission to market them.
You shouldn’t have done that.

Samantha, can’t you see
I’m busy?

What’s that?
Chicken soup.

Care for a bowl?

Not bad, not bad.
34 1/2.

Here’s a beautiful
55-room home.

Has its own lake.
I can put you in it
for, oh, 330,000.

How about a topcoat?
(INTERCOM BUZZES)

There’s a steal
on an 80-foot cruiser.
Sleeps ten, twin diesels.

Yes, put him on.
How much?

Uh, 92,000.
It’s a hardship case.

Mmm.
Larry, don’t you think this
is a little premature?

(CHUCKLES) Are you kidding?

You saw the way Hornbeck
flipped.

He and his lawyer will
be over here in half an hour.

Those agreements
are as good as signed.

Can’t you get it
through your head
we’re filthy rich?

Show him a boat.
Oh, hi, Fred.

Remember that little talk
we had about you
buying me out?

Well, I’m ready to talk.

Yeah, give me a call in a day
or two and we’ll get together.
Bye.

You’re going to sell out?
What do I need
an advertising business for?

(CHUCKLES)
Hey, that looks like a castle.

It is. On the Rhine.
Put that aside.

(INTERCOM BUZZES)
Here we go. Hello.

I’ll tell him.

Sam’s in your office.
Make it fast, will you?
Before Hornbeck gets here.

Say, I like that one
with the smokestack.

You mean... You mean
he’s a witch doctor?

Well, we call him
a warlock doctor.

And those pills
aren’t, uh...

If that woman weren’t
your mother, I’d...

And I may do it anyway!

I gotta stop Larry.
Well, sweetheart,
wait, there’s one more thing.

He’s gone hog wild. If
I don’t stop him, he may
ruin us! (VOICE CRACKS)

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
What happened?

That must be the side effect.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Side effect?

Dr. Bombay’s pills.
That’s what I was trying
to warn you about.

How long is this
going to last?

I don’t know.

I guess I’ll just have to
pop back to Dr. Bombay’s
office

and see if he has an antidote.

Well, you’d better hurry,
because...
(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Hello?
Where’s Mr. Stephens?

He just stepped out.

Would you tell him that
Mr. Hornbeck and his lawyer
are on the way in?

Yes, sir.

Will you please hurry!

Oh, this is ridiculous.
We’re building an empire,

and he’s visiting
with his wife.

It’s not like him.
It’s like her.
What?

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Yes, sir?
Hasn’t he come back yet?

No, I’m sorry,
he hasn’t.

Well, it’s about time!
I’m sorry, sweetheart.

Here, he guarantees
one of these will
lower your voice.

Thank you.

Well?

(NO VOICE)

Could you speak up
just a little bit?

(NO VOICE)

Speak a little slower,
sweetheart. I’m trying
to read your lips.

Gonna kill who?

(NO VOICE)

I’ll be right back.

Too low, eh?
He can’t talk at all.

Well, is that so terrible?
I’ve met him, and he doesn’t
seem to have much to say.

Dr. Bombay, how would you
like to be reported to the
witches’ medical association?

Now, now, now,
let’s remain calm and not
indulge in idle threats.

You know you’re not supposed
to practice on humans.

Now get up off your hassock
and give me something

that’ll bring my husband’s
voice back, or else!

Really, Sam.
There’s really only one way
to do it, you know.

What’s that?
Well, I’d have to, uh...
no, no, no, no.

It’s simply out of the
question for a doctor of my
far-flung reputation.

Whatever it is,
you had better do it
and do it quick!

Or you have no idea
how far-flung you will be!

Well, come on.
Hornbeck’s blowing his top!

Okay, so you lost your voice.
You can still listen,
can’t you? Come on!

Well, I found him.

Sit down, and listen.
Go ahead, Mr. Hornbeck.

We were discussing whether
to go public or hold onto
the stock ourselves.

And I say why share
a gold mine?

We can always go into
public issue later.

What do you think?

You can nod your head,
can’t you?

Do you think we should
go public?

You mean we should
keep the stock
among the three of us?

What’s the matter with him?

I think I know what it is.

This is the big one.
The chance we’ve all
dreamed of.

And I think he’s got a little
stage fright, that’s all.

(VOICE CRACKS)
that’s probably why you
lost your voice.

What’s wrong with you?

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
My voice. Listen to me.

What happened?
I don’t know!
I don’t know!

"Pills."

Side effects?

I think we’ve talked
long enough.

Let’s sign the agreements
and get it over with.

I’ve got a better idea.
Why don’t we just forget
the whole thing?

You’re joking, of course.

I wish I was.

Mr. Hornbeck, those pills
have a side effect.

Who do you think you’re
kidding? Stephens disappears,
then comes back,

hands you a note,
now you’re trying to back out.

Don’t you think I know
what’s going on? You wanna
give it to another company!

(VOICE CRACKS)
This is the bait
and double-cross!

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Now you have it too,
Mr. Hornbeck.

So have you!
No, I didn’t take any pill.

This is the way
I talk all the time.

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Yes?
WOMAN: Mr. Tate?

Mrs. Stephens is here
again.

Hi, everybody. I thought
it might be rather nice
to drink

a toast to the new company.

Forget it, Sam.
We’re out of business.

Oh!
Oh, Mr. Hornbeck,
this is Mrs. Stephens.

How do you do?
You too, huh?

Mmm.
No sense in letting
this go to waste.

Sam, do you know
where we could find Bombay?

On the road
to Mandalay?

No, no, no! I mean the quack
who conned us into this
whole pill deal!

Those pills of his have
side effects!

Oh. Is that why your voices
all sound so funny?

It’s not so funny to me!

Here, sweetheart.
Drink this.

Champagne’s been known
to work wonders.

Thank you.
Thank you.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Sam, it’s very good.
My voice! My voice came back.

It worked. Maybe it’ll help
you fellas.

You’re right, this...

Hey! I’m back to normal, too.

Hope I can get mine back.
It is back!

Didn’t do a thing for me.

When I think of how close
we came to an international
disaster!

Tate, this is another example
of one of your feeble...
(SNEEZES)

Bless you.
I got my cold back again.

Mr. Hornbeck,
how was I to know...
(SNEEZES)

Bless you.
(SNEEZES)

Well, this is no place
for a lawyer who’s still
got his health.

So I’ll see you all.
Now wait, wait.
I’ll drop you off in my cab.

Thanks, I’ll take my own cab.
Mr. Hornbeck, I hope
you’ll give me

an opportunity
to make up for this goof!

Why? So you can top it
with another goof?
(SNEEZES)

So this is Dr. Bombay’s
magic formula.

Yes, sweetheart.
I had to drag it
out of him.

And he made me promise never
to tell anyone that he gave me
a prescription to catch a cold

Well, I suppose anything’s
better than...
(SNEEZES)

Oh, darling,
that’s marvelous.

You’re back to normal.

Well.

I know, Darrin.
I was saying to Louise when I
was telling her about Hornbeck

that the last three years
have been nothing but one
disappointment after another.

Some good things have
happened too, Lar.
Not in the last three years.

How many years you been
with us, Darrin?

Three years.

Now wait a minute, Larry!
Are you blaming me because
Hornbeck pulled out?

And who introduced me
to that kook Dr. Bombay?

And who badgered him
into giving us the rights?

Darrin, one of your severest
faults is that you can’t
accept blame.

I can’t?
How about...
(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Yes?
WOMAN: Mr. Hornbeck
and his lawyer are here.

Lawyer!
He’s gonna sue us.

Has he got any grounds?
I don’t know.

Have them come in.

That’s all I need right now,
is a lawsuit! As if I don’t
have enough suits!

And boats! I’m sorry.
I’m getting hysterical.

Mr. Hornbeck, before
you say anything, Stephens
wants to make a statement.

Me?
Yes. I want you to tell
Mr. Hornbeck

that you are personally
responsible for discovering
Dr. Bombay and his pills.

Now just a minute!
I knew you were
the bright one!

Now, where can I find
this Dr. Bombay? I wanna
make a deal with him.

What about the side effect?
Side effects, plural.

There’s another one?
I’ll say.

What is it?

Prager, get out
those agreements.
Boys, get out your pens.

We’re back in business
once again, gentlemen.

I just thought of a slogan.
"Gone tomorrow. Hair today."

Don’t like it, huh?
Forget it.

I’m going to build an empire
that’s gonna be the greatest

you’ve ever seen.
You with me?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)