All language subtitles for Bewitched S03E32 Nobody but a Frog Knows How to Live_track3_[eng]

Psst! Hey, girlie!

Hey, girlie!

Yeah, you.
"Girlie?"

Come here.
"Come here?"

Yeah. Come here.
I wanna talk to ya.

Can you believe that?

Aw, come on, lady.
What’s with this
snooty cutie routine?

How much longer
you gonna play this game?

Ain’t I been trailin’
you enough the last
couple of hours?

(CHUCKLES)
I’m gettin’ tired
of following you around.

I’m not about to let you alone
so, uh, why don’t you make it
easier on both of us, huh?

(LAUGHING)

A pleasure.

Good.

Oh, wonderful! Beautiful!
Absolutely great!

Oh, what a relief.

Relief?
Oh, I couldn’t be sure until I
saw you do some witchcraft.

Now there’s no doubt.
That’s ridiculous. There’s
no such thing as witchcraft.

What do you call this?
Chopped liver?

I haven’t the faintest idea
what you’re talking about.
Lady, please. I’m desperate.

People who are desperate
do not go "psst" and call
other people "girlie."

I was resorting to charm.
That was charm?

Aw, you’re my last hope.
If you don’t help me,
I’m nowhere. So please!

How can I help you?

By just using
your natural talent.

What natural talent?

Being a witch.
Oh, don’t try to deny it.

I know that you’re a witch.
What makes you so sure?

Because I’m a frog.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Please, break this terrible
spell I’m under!

Remove this horrible curse!
Make my life worth
living again.

Turn me back into a frog.

Will you stop following me?
I told you I can’t.

Not unless I know where, when
and why someone turned you
into a human being.

Oh!

How do you like this bit?
I’m suffering a fate worse
than death,

and this yo-yo wants me to
fill out a questionnaire!

Will you quit
with the fooling around and
make with the hocus-pocus?

(SIGHS)
You really are outrageous.

As a human being, yes.
But as a frog, I’m a
sweetheart.

Wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Eat one, yes. But hurt one?
Never!

So you’ll make like a nice
lady witch
and do the alla kazam?

Oh, well, now, look.
I’m sorry, Mr...
Finglehoff.

Fergus F. Finglehoff.
But, uh, you can call me
Fergus.

Well, I’m terribly sorry,
Fergus, but I couldn’t
even if I wanted to.

I can’t unhex
another witch’s hex.
What do you mean?

Well, only the witch
that put you under the spell
can turn you back.

Why? Congress passed a law?
All of a sudden witches
have got a union?

Oh, oh, it’s a rib.
You’re putting me on.

I mean, you better be,
because I don’t know
who put the spell on me.

Oh, Fergus, now that
really is too bad.

I’d love to help
if I could, but there’s
really nothing I could do.

You heard? Now, don’t worry.
Don’t worry.
I’m not givin’ up.

(CROAKS)
I will, I will.
Will ya quit hounding me?

(CROAKS)
Okay, okay.
Back in the trunk.

(SIGHS)

All right, sweetheart.
You can play in your room,

and I’ll start your dinner.

(PHONE RINGS)
Coming.

Oh, I’ll get it.

Uh, hello?

Yeah, this is 555-2134.

I think this may be
for you.
May be for me!

Boy, you’ve got your nerve.
How’d you get in here?

Through the door.
How else?

Uh, whom should I
say is calling?
What’s a "Darrin?"

Give me that!
DARRIN:
I demand an explanation...

Watch it, fella, or I won’t
even give her the message.

Fergus, that’s my husband!

DARRIN: Sam?
Darrin?

Sam!
Is that you?

Who was that?
Who was who?

Oh, you mean
who answered the phone?
That who?

Sam, answer me!

Uh, is this your husband?
Yes.

Oh, how come?
Somebody put a curse
on you?

Sam, who was it?
Well, sweetheart,
it’s sort of involved

and it would take a lot of
explanation. I’d have to go
into a lot of details

which would just take forever,
so why don’t I wait
till you get home,

till I can think of something,
and then I’ll explain
everything.

I demand an explanation
now! Right... This minute.
Is it okay with Sam?

You demand?
Uh, uh, uh...

Only if it’s okay
with you, sweetheart.

Mr. Saunders and Larry
just walked in.

You remember I told you about
Mr. Saunders, our new client?

Your favorite soup.
Uh, Saunders’ Soup?
Fifty-eight varieties?

Fifty-nine coming up.
They wanna know
if it’s okay with you.

If what’s okay?
She says sure.
I knew she would.

Sure what, Darrin?

Ah, nice mud.

No pool.
Well, just as well.

Chlorine gives me gas.

You’re bringing Mr. Saunders
here?

And Larry and Louise?

Uh, sweetheart, I think
you ought to know that...

I have a problem here.

So I gathered.
And I’m certainly anxious
to find out who it is.

I mean, I’m anxious
to hear all about it.

So long, sweetheart.

You’re sure it’s all right?
She’s tickled to death,
and so am I.

(DOORBELL RINGS)
(GROANS)
What now?

Uh, Mrs. Stephens,
I thought I ought to tell ya,

I saw a strange man
lurking around outside.

He’s lurking around inside
here, isn’t he!

Um, this is Mr. Finglehoff.

Fergus F. Finglehoff.
He’s a friend of Darrin’s.

Darrin’s?
Yes. He’s been
waiting for him.

He and my husband
have been working together,
haven’t you, Mr...

Oh, I should say "professor."
Excuse me, Professor
Finglehoff.

Unfortunately the professor
can’t wait any longer.

Uh, he really must get going.
Darrin’s just going to be sick
to have missed him.

Mmm. That’s a shame.
That is the most ridiculous
nonsense I ever heard!

I mean, you can lie all
you want about your husband,

but when you talk about me,
make it the truth!

Professor indeed! You expect
this woman to believe
a half-baked story like that?

The truth of the matter,
madame, is that I am a frog!

(STAMMERING) A frog?
Oh, Fergus!

You’d think it was
something to be ashamed of,

the way you made up
such a fantastic!

Au contraire, madam.
I am proud and happy
that I am a frog!

Fergus!
You are?

You see? She appreciates
the predicament I’m in.

I thank you for your sympathy,
madam. But if you don’t mind,

Mrs. Stephens and I would like
to be alone so that she can
turn me back into...

Fergus!
Now what?
I mean, really, Sam,

you’re getting
a little shrill, even for a...
But...

One more word out of you
and I’ll...

(STAMMERING) Well, good-bye,
Mr. Fergus. Mr. Frog.

I mean, Professor!
Good-bye!

(SCREECHING)
Abner!
Mrs. Kravitz!

Abner! Abner!
(GROANS)

Fergus, you know something?

No, what?
You’re a big-mouthed frog,
that’s what you are.

A very large,
big-mouthed frog!

Maybe I can’t turn you back
into a frog, but there’s one

thing I can do to get
rid of you.

I can send you back
to where I found you.

Now wait a minute, Sam.
I wouldn’t do that!

I would.

Now that’s what I call
dirty pool!

Well, I hope that’ll
impress Mr. Saunders.
(GASPS)

Oh, no.
Don’t worry, Sammy, girl.
If that doesn’t, I will.

What are you doing
back here?
I sloshed my way back.

You know, I’m as fond of water
as the next frog, but I like
to be prepared for a dive.

I don’t like to be taken
by surprise.
Neither do I.

Hold it. I’ll only
work my way back here again.

But this time it’ll take
longer, what
with all the stops.

All what stops?
In the neighborhood.

I figure I’ll just spread
the good word around

how the nice folks here
have their own personal
neighborhood witch.

Who’d believe you?
Oh, maybe nobody
will believe me,

but it’ll sure cause
a lot of talk. Make a lot
of trouble for you.

Especially if I start
with Mrs. Kravitz.

It shouldn’t be too hard
convincing her.

We team up, we can sing
a beautiful duet.

Personally, I think we got
a possible album.

Are you trying
to blackmail me?

Nope.
I am blackmailing you.

I don’t blackmail
that easily.

Honey, we’re here.

Except when my husband comes
home with a client.

Let me take your coat,
Mr. Saunders.
Thank you.

Now, Fergus. Try
to be nice until I can think
of something to do about you.

Me? Charlie Charming?

Hi, honey.
Hi.

This is Mr. Saunders.
Oh, Mr. Saunders.
It’s so nice to meet you.

We’re a big Saunders’ Soup
family here.

And your frozen dinners?
Marvelous. So tasty.

And your sauces,
your chili sauce!

And your mustard.
It’s the greatest mustard.

Let’s see.
Have I forgotten anything?

Well, not that I know of!
Perhaps only
one small item, dear.

What?

The gentleman standing there.
I don’t think we caught
his name.

Oh, forgive me.
How could I?

(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, that must be Larry
and Louise.

Make yourself comfortable,
Mr. Saunders.

Well, just show me where
the bar is, and I will!

Oh, Louise, Larry.
Come on in.

Darrin, it’s Larry
and Louise.
I know. We’ve met.

You know Mr. Saunders,
of course.
Yes, yes.

Oh, good, Darrin.
You brought the new
layouts for the soup.

Well, uh, Larry, Louise,

Mr. Saunders, Darrin,
get set.

I have a little surprise
for you.

Will you hurry up?
He’s liable to be gone.

If only you’d been home
when I got home, we could’ve
gone back then and there.

But no, you had to be at the
dentist, wasting precious
time, having a tooth pulled.

Now look, Gladys. I’d rather
have a tooth pulled than go
out looking at frogs with you.

Call me peculiar!

There he is!
He’s a human frog!

What?
What’d she call me?

A human frog.
You said the bar was this way?
Sam, what’s going on?

He’s a human frog!

Gladys, will you please
not get hysterical?
Darrin, what is this?

Larry. Shh. Obviously
there’s some mistake.

Why, I should hope so!
Sam, in the name of...

Let me hear you deny it.

Deny that you came right out
and told me that you were
a human frog.

I will indeed.
I never for an instant said
that I was a human frog.

I deny that, all right.
I deny it categorically,
emphatically and intramurally.

Satisfied, Mrs. World Champ
Official Butt-In Artist?

No!

Well, why would anyone
be saying that
anybody was a human frog?

Unless, of course, they were
drinking. Speaking of drink...
Good point, sir.

Actually, the last thing
any frog worth his salt
would want to be is human.

What was your name
again?
What was your name again?

I was just about
to introduce everybody
when the Kravitz’s came in.

I realize how you could’ve
gotten the wrong impression.

Here she goes again.
Always an explanation.

I was wondering when
you were gonna notice that.

I’m sure it’s a good one.

The professor has been doing
research and experiments.

Research, experiments?
Uh, professor of what?

Professor Fergus Finglehoff.

From one of your schools?

No, no, dear.
From one of yours.
Don’t you remember?

Which one was that?

I must have a mental block.

I went to Dartmouth.
We drank a lot there.

Anyway, the professor did
say that he was interested in
frogs.

Oh, sure.

No, that part
is definitely true.

Anyway, the professor’s been
doing some special research
on them.

Well, I’ll buy that.

So you must have misunderstood
and thought he said
he was one.

That’s strange.
That isn’t. She is.

Say, why don’t we have
a drink on that?

Sorry, Mrs. Stephens.
Oh, don’t apologize,
Mr. Kravitz. No harm done.

Oh, speak for yourself, Sam.
I’m all shook up! I wouldn’t
call a dog a human frog.

Come on, Gladys.
Someday, somehow, someplace,

somebody’s gonna believe me!

That poor woman!
She is a bit spooky.

Uh, Larry, why don’t you do
the honors and fix everybody
a drink?

Say, that’s a good idea.
Sure, Darrin.

I’ll help Sam
in the kitchen.

What’s yours,
Professor?
What’s my what?

I’ll have a double anything.

He is a frog.
Uh-huh.

Sam, make it reasonable!

Well, Darrin, you remember the
fairy tale about the princess

that put a frog on her
pillow, and the next morning
when she woke up,

he’d turned into
a handsome prince?

Mmm-hmm.
Well, it’s the same thing,
only in reverse.

I’ll bet the princess’s mother
and father didn’t believe
that story either.

Oh, Darrin. Now,
he can cause trouble.

We’ll have to go along with
him until I can think of
something to do.

And it’s dangerous to leave
him out there with the others
too long.

FERGUS:
You take it from me, buster.
The frogs have it made.

I’m telling you,
frogs know how to live.

Now, Professor,
let’s not talk shop.

About your soup,
Mr. Saunders, didn’t I hear
something about a new one?

Yes, indeed.
Fifty-nine coming up.

Congratulations.
What kind is number 59?
I haven’t heard.

Nobody’s heard.
Happens to be a big secret.

We’re gonna spring it next
month with the layouts
Darrin’s been working on.

Terrific. Think for a minute.
Have you ever seen a frog
on an analyst’s couch?

Sober? No.
Please, Professor.
No more about frogs.

Did you ever hear of
a frog war?

Frog war?
Nobody’s ever heard of
a frog war. Darrin.

About soup, Mr. Saunders...

Uh, Sam, I think we’ve heard
enough about soup, too.

Oh, darling, don’t be
ridiculous. I’m just dying
to hear all about it!

Uh, no, Sam.
What’s number 59 going to
be?

Sam, it’s a secret!
A good secret.

Wouldn’t you rather
hear about frogs?

No. Mr. Saunders?
Sam!

Okay, I’ll tell.
Turtle.

Huh?

Turtle soup.
That’s number 59.

Saunders’ Sauteed Turtle Soup.

You’re gonna make soup
out of turtles?

Yeah.
Anything wrong with that?

Well, it all depends.
Do they happen to be
any turtles I know?

I think I need
another drink.

Tony Terwilliger,
Tubby Sloan or Tiny Tuner?
Because if they are...

(WHISPERS)
Sam, do something.

Some frogs never learn.

I still don’t like the idea of
going to dinner without you.

Oh, that’s all right.
I’m sure there’s a bar
at the restaurant.

Well, we can’t very well
leave the professor.
He was so embarrassed.

He certainly disappeared.
Did you see the way he
flew up those stairs?

No.
Neither did I.

You missed that?
So did I. But I don’t mind.

Say, what time do the bars
close around here?

Really, Samantha.
Do you have to stay home and
baby-sit with the professor?

Uh, well, since Aunt Clara
didn’t show up to baby-sit
with Tabatha,

we really should stay home.

I don’t think that the
professor is the baby-sitting
type, do you?

Frankly, I didn’t figure out
his type at all.

See you tomorrow, Darrin.
Good night, Sam.
Good night, Samantha.

I want you to know that I’ve
had a perfectly bourbon time.

Good night.

Whew.

What are you doing?
I am praying that Fergus

doesn’t come up and
run into them.

You check the back way.
See if he’s there.

(CROAKS)
Yeah, I told you,
I’m doing everything I can

but she keeps zapping me
back into that fountain.

(WHISPERS)
Sam!

Fergus?
By the gazebo.

(CROAKING)
Phoebe,
will you shut up and listen?

Believe me, pussycat,
I’ve been after her all day.

Is it my fault if I end up
with a musical-comedy witch,
a rank amateur?

I know I shouldn’t
have done it.

I admit it. I made the
biggest mistake of my life.

What mistake, Fergus?

Why don’t you come inside
and bring Phoebe with you?

I’d like to hear about
your mistake.

(CROAKS)

And this is my girlfriend,
Phoebe Plotsky.

Oh, well.
How do you do?
(CROAKS)

Have you been carrying Phoebe
in your pocket all this time?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, poor Fergus.

Poor Phoebe.

Honey, I know you can’t turn
Fergus back into a frog,
but couldn’t you...

Change Phoebe into
a human being!

Oh, darling,
that’s a marvelous idea!
What do you say, Phoebe?

(CROAKS)
Oh, good! Fergus?

Anything! As long as
we’re together.

All right now, Phoebe.
You just sit right there.

Sit there.
(CROAKS)

Spirit of the grinch and grebe
make a lady out of Phoebe.

Fergus!
Oh, Fergus!

Oh, Phoebe, baby, sweetie!

Oh, you’ll never know
how much I...

Hey! Sam!

What’s the matter?

Sam, I don’t wanna hurt
your feelings, but you
goofed!

Goofed?
Sam goofed?

Well, look at her.
I mean she’s definitely

lost something in the
transformation.

She was
a sensational-looking frog!

But how can I ask her to go
through life looking like
this?

Where’s her nice big fat
neck? And look at those
little beady eyes.

And you call those legs?

Oh, why did I ever make
that wish in the first place!

What wish?
Tell her, Fergus.

Well, I heard about this old
witch over near the swamp.

So I went over and asked...
Asked? He hocked
everything he owned,

his lily pad,
his underwater gear.

FERGUS:
Okay, so I bought a wish.

I wanted to be human.

I was a big frog in a little
pool who thought he could be
a bigger one in a bigger pool.

The only thing is,
I forgot about Phoebe.

It never occurred to me that
if I were turned into a human,
I’d be without her.

Fergus, if you bought a wish
and brought all this on
yourself,

then there’s no problem.

Any witch can unhex that kind
of a hex. Why didn’t you tell
me that in the beginning?

Well, I didn’t think you’d
want to help me if you knew

what a no-good disgrace
to the amphibian world I was.

Sam, you mean you can
turn him back into a frog?

Certainly,
if that’s what he wants.
How about it, Fergus?

You mean we’ve got a choice?
Phoebe, we’ve got a choice!

You want a little time
to think it over?

Yeah. Just once in my life,
I wanna look before I leap.

Okay, Sam.

Well, have you
made up your mind?
Uh-huh.

But first off,
I gotta be honest.

Why, you didn’t goof.
She’s sensational-looking
in either world.

That’s why I insisted that
Phoebe make the decision.

Well, what’s it gonna be,
Phoebe?

Yeah, come on.
We can’t stand the suspense.

Well, we wanna go back.

Oh, I’m glad.
Because you know something,
Fergus?

I have the feeling that deep
in your heart, you are first,
last and always a frog.

(CHUCKLES)

So, uh, all right already.
Will you make with
the hocus-pocus?

Oh. From polliwogs
come great big frogs,
we’ll never know quite how.

It’s easier to turn a bee
into a purple cow.

So hark ye witches,
now pay heed.

Reverse this spell
with haste and speed.

With no regrets,
man into toad.

He’ll hop the straight
and narrow road.

(CROAKING)

Ha.
Well, so long, kids.
Been nice meeting you.

Oh, it certainly has.
Oops!

Don’t forget to write.
(CROAK)

Why, Mrs. Kravitz.
I came to apologize
for seeing frogs.

But what am I
seeing now?

Oh, these are our friends.
We were just saying
good night to them.

Bye-bye, Phoebe.
Bye, Fergus.

(CROAKING)
DARRIN: Give our love
to Tony, Tubby and Tiny.

That’s Fergus?

No, that’s Fergus.
That’s Phoebe.

(STAMMERING)
But, they’re frogs!

Well, of course they are.
Any reason why they
shouldn’t be?

Oh. No.

Abner! Abner! Abner!

Mmm.
What?

I don’t know.
Just seems to me I’ve
heard that scream before.

(BOTH CROAKING)

Ain’t love grand?
In any language.

(IMITATING CROAKING)

(CHUCKLES)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)