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1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,705
(PHONE RINGING)
2
00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:09,977
Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.
3
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:12,346
Morning, Samantha.
Has Darrin left yet?
4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,548
He left at 5:00 this morning.
5
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:15,983
Oh.
6
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:20,254
Driving up to Bridgeport
to take care of that account
for you. Why?
7
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,489
I was hoping to catch him
before he left.
8
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:26,293
It’s that new client,
Mr. Morgan,
our prize headache.
9
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:28,595
Oh, yes.
I’ve heard about him.
10
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,564
Oh, I’m sure Darrin
hasn’t told you
all about him.
11
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,299
He doesn’t use
that kind of language.
12
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,768
Well, he told me
what kind of a tyrant he is.
13
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:38,372
Tyrant is putting it mildly.
He’s still living in
the Victorian Age,
14
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,041
When the louder you talked,
the righter you were.
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,543
He wasn’t due until tomorrow,
16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,345
but he checked
in at the Hartford hotel
this morning.
17
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:48,081
No, no, no, don’t bother.
As long as Darrin’s
already gone,
18
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:50,984
I’ll, uh, just
handle him solo.
19
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,052
Thanks anyway, Sam.
20
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,388
Oh, you’re welcome, Larry.
Bye-bye.
21
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:57,858
Well, what was
all that about?
22
00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:01,528
It’s just that Darrin’s firm
has a new client that’s been
giving them trouble.
23
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,630
Seems he’s some sort of
a tyrant.
24
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:07,301
Acts as though
he’s still living in
the Victorian Age.
25
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:10,837
Oh, now, don’t you
say anything against
the Victorian Age.
26
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,072
I loved it.
27
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,708
Those were the days.
28
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:19,313
Did you know I was once
lady-in-waiting
to Queen Victoria?
29
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,715
Really?
I didn’t know that!
30
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:25,319
No, you and your mother
were in Tibet at the time.
31
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,689
I just had an urge
to rub elbows with royalty.
32
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:34,628
(CHUCKLES)
And the more I think of it,
the more I like the idea.
33
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,530
What idea?
34
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:41,969
To go back
to the Victorian Age.
35
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,938
Well, now, Aunt Clara, do you
really think that’s wise?
36
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,775
I mean unless you’re
absolutely sure you know
the right spell.
37
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,877
I wouldn’t want you to end up
in the wrong century.
38
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:56,383
No don’t you worry
about me. Oh, I still
have a lot on the ball.
39
00:01:56,383 --> 00:02:00,320
Now, watch.
Eye of Newt.
40
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:04,391
Leg of spider.
Queen Victoria.
Tallyho.
41
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:07,627
I cast my spell,
and off I go.
42
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,299
Your Majesty.
43
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,573
You’re not Queen Victoria.
44
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,609
Well, I’m sorry about that,
Aunt Clara.
45
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,578
But I’m just as glad
you didn’t go.
46
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:28,281
Wouldn’t want you to get lost
or anything.
(LAUGHS)
47
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,688
We don’t know where we are,
48
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:37,758
But we are not amused.
49
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:44,398
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
50
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,212
(BELL TINKLING)
51
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,826
You said you were
her lady-in-waiting.
52
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,095
Well, what does
a lady-in-waiting do?
53
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,363
When the bell rings,
you run like crazy.
54
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,808
Your Majesty.
I’m Clara.
55
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,711
Your lady-in-waiting.
56
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,013
Clara?
57
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:11,751
We don’t recall the name,
but the face
is vaguely familiar.
58
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:15,922
Your Majesty always said
I was the vaguest person
you had ever known.
59
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,692
Clara. We...
60
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,829
Clara, your limbs
are showing!
61
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,968
Oh, yes. Well,
they are sticking out,
aren’t they, madam?
62
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,238
You wouldn’t dare set foot
out of the palace like that,
63
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,673
Yet you have the audacity,
the temerity...
64
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,810
Your Majesty...
We do not speak
65
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,679
until we are spoken to.
66
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:43,183
Well, I’m sorry,
Your Majesty.
67
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,684
Who are you?
68
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:48,088
Well, I’m the niece
of your lady-in-waiting.
69
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:51,758
Niece? You look
more like a nephew.
70
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,496
Where... where are we?
71
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,532
Have I been spoken to?
72
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,800
You have been spoken to.
73
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,406
Well, speak up,
Samantha.
74
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,642
I forgot the question.
75
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,610
Clara.
76
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,948
We know where we are.
77
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:20,487
We want to find out
if you know where you are.
78
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,989
Well, I’m in New York,
Your Majesty.
79
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,659
The United States of America?
80
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:26,793
Yes.
81
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,995
President McKinley!
82
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,865
Where?
83
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:35,869
We must make immediate
preparations for
President McKinley to call.
84
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,805
If you’ll excuse me
for just a moment,
Your Majesty.
85
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,941
Young lady!
86
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:45,345
Yes?
We never turn our back
upon our Queen.
87
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,814
Oh. Uh...
88
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,654
Well, I beg your pardon,
Your Majesty.
89
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,790
I was just going outside
to get the morning paper
90
00:05:56,790 --> 00:06:00,093
so that I could show
her Majesty that she is, uh,
91
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,729
in the 20th century.
92
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,411
Mr. Morgan.
Good to see you again.
93
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,380
If I’d known you were
coming in a day early...
94
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,650
If you’d known when I was
coming in, you’d know as much
about my business as I do.
95
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:27,954
Yes. But Mr. Stephens is
in charge of your account,
and he won’t be back until...
96
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,156
I’m the one who’s
in charge of my account.
97
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:33,526
The trouble with you
advertising men is that
you don’t have any initiative.
98
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:37,297
I pay you to whip out
a campaign and then I have
to do all the work myself.
99
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:40,233
What’s this?
Oh, these are the layouts
that mister, uh,
100
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,802
Stephens has been
working on.
101
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:46,573
Now, if you’ll notice
the way we worked
the trade name in...
102
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:49,442
Don’t talk
when I’m thinking.
103
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,447
And don’t turn your back
on me. Pay attention.
104
00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:58,518
I am paying attention,
Mr. Morgan.
105
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:01,655
I asked you not to talk
while I’m trying to think.
106
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:06,092
Mr. Morgan, I’m sure you’re
not paying us all this money
to remain silent.
107
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,595
I’ve helped Mr. Stephens
on this campaign and...
108
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,431
Oh, the blind
leading the blind.
109
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,968
Mr. Morgan,
I hope you know...
uh-uh-uh-uh.
110
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,936
We’re talking again.
111
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,272
I can’t help it.
I can’t remain silent.
112
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,975
Mr. Morgan, we’re trying
very hard to modernize...
113
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:25,178
Now, now, we’re not angry
with you. It’s just that
I’m always hoping
114
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:29,015
that someday I’ll find someone
who can do something
without my assistance.
115
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:34,888
It’s the Same in my factory.
There isn’t a man who can do
anything without my assistance
116
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:38,158
Uh, when did you say
this Stephens will be back?
117
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,493
I talked to his wife earlier,
and she said...
118
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:42,395
I’d like to meet his wife.
119
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,631
I judge a man
by the wife he selects.
120
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,300
If she’d like to have
us for cocktails,
121
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,935
I drink martinis.
122
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,840
TV ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile,
as the northern states
123
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,709
shivered in a near record
cold wave,
124
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,477
Southern Californians flocked
to the beaches
125
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,946
in temperatures
ranging in the high 80s.
126
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,918
Oh, Aunt Clara,
isn’t it marvelous
127
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:08,121
how she’s adjusted
to the 20th century?
Yes.
128
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:12,392
She always said that
royalty could not indulge
in the luxury of surprise.
129
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,127
TV ANNOUNCER:
Surfing conditions
were excellent,
130
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,595
and the unusually warm weather
131
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:19,332
produced more than its share
of bikini-clad sun worshippers
132
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,668
Showing off
the latest fashions trends...
133
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,275
Has neither one of you
the decency to faint?
134
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,810
Ooh!
135
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,191
Come, Clara!
136
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,060
(STAMMERING)
137
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:56,770
(COUGHS)
We are not amused.
138
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,139
(DOORBELL RINGS)
139
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,207
(GLASS CRUNCHES)
140
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,281
Larry!
Hi, Samantha.
141
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,418
Hi. I didn’t expect you.
142
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,887
Uh, it’s one of those
unexpected days.
143
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,990
Here’s your paper.
144
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:20,293
You came all the way
out from the city
just to bring my paper?
145
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,728
Uh...
146
00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:26,866
Samantha, I have
a great favor to ask.
147
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,501
Couldn’t you have phoned?
148
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:32,138
I was afraid you’d say no.
This way I can get down
on my knees.
149
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,240
(LAUGHS)
What is it?
150
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,809
It’s Mr. Morgan.
151
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,711
Oh, the terrible tiger.
152
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,513
Could you invite him
to cocktails?
153
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,782
I realize it’s a terrible
imposition, but...
154
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,417
You know Darrin isn’t here.
Couldn’t you...
155
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,819
But he wants to meet you.
156
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,987
Me?
157
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,123
He judges men
by their wives.
158
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:53,393
Larry, well,
if there’s anything
I could do to help, I’d...
159
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,061
What’s that?
160
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,099
Uh...
161
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,672
Uh...
162
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,077
And what happened
to your television set?
163
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,278
Uh...
164
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,181
This way, Your Majesty.
165
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,891
What the...
SAM: Shh.
166
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,760
We do not speak
until we are spoken to.
167
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,001
(GLASS CRUNCHES)
168
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:38,805
Her majesty expresses
her appreciation,
169
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,274
Your bringing her
the evening paper.
170
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:54,621
An aunt of mine.
Thinks she’s Queen Victoria.
171
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,624
I knew you had one
peculiar aunt, but, uh...
172
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:02,362
Two. They try to outdo
each other. Sort of
friendly competition.
173
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,965
Samantha,
174
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:10,570
Mr. Morgan’s account runs
well over a million dollars.
175
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,872
Would it be asking too much
of you to, uh,
176
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:17,076
keep the royalty out of sight
while Mr. Morgan is here?
177
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,878
Oh, yes, Larry.
I understand.
178
00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:23,683
Good. Well, uh, then
I’ll see you at 5:00 with
Mr. Morgan for cocktails.
179
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,920
Good, Larry. Bye-bye.
(SIGHS)
180
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:32,225
AUNT CLARA: Good news!
I hope so.
181
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,661
She likes your bedroom.
182
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,296
Oh, that’s nice.
183
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,698
And more good news.
184
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,834
She feels the same about
the 20th century as I do.
185
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,737
Now we’re going to
get some action.
186
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,940
I hope not.
187
00:11:56,182 --> 00:12:00,753
Oh, Clara, the world is
in a terrible
state of affairs.
188
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,822
Oh, it is in a mess.
189
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,994
Indians massacre Chicago!
190
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:15,001
Oh, no. No, Your Majesty.
That’s the baseball page.
191
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,703
Baseball?
192
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,805
Yes. It’s a game.
193
00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:22,108
I’m very vague about it,
but I think
194
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:25,678
it has something to do
with eating hot dogs.
195
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,681
Oh... Well.
196
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:34,287
What are we, Victoria Regina,
Queen of the United Kingdom
of Great Britain and Ireland,
197
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:39,258
Empress of India...
what are we doing
in the 20th century?
198
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:46,633
Providence obviously
desires our assistance
199
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,735
in straightening things out.
200
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:53,172
Oh! We accept the divine
right of kings
201
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:56,743
as a divine responsibility
and duty!
202
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,746
Clara, fetch us
pen and paper.
203
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:04,017
We shall begin
by issuing some decrees.
204
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,793
Oh, uh, another martini,
Mr. Morgan?
205
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,795
Why, thank you,
Mrs. Stephens.
206
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,298
My husband is looking forward
to the pleasure of working
with you.
207
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,000
Well, he should be.
208
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,303
He’ll have the benefit
of all my years of experience.
209
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,439
Her Majesty
would like some tea.
210
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,076
Majesty?
211
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,679
Uh, our daughter
is like a princess.
212
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,847
We call her
"Your Majesty."
213
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:37,250
Very charming. Huh?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
214
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,852
Uh, would you excuse me
for a moment?
215
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,487
Aunt Clara.
216
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,127
(MUTTERING)
217
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,299
Aunt Clara,
whatever you do,
218
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,568
don’t let her
come downstairs.
219
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,371
Oh, no one tells her
what to do.
She has a mind of her own.
220
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:01,674
Aunt Clara, you just
have to send her back.
221
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,944
No. No, no, no, no, no.
222
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:09,349
We are going to straighten out
the 20th century.
223
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:12,251
She has the brains.
I have the magic.
224
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:15,455
But I must be very discreet,
225
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:19,058
because she mustn’t know
that I’m a witch.
226
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:23,563
Clara! We will start
with the western hemisphere.
227
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,332
Oh, yes. Oh!
228
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,539
SAM: You saw her?
What was she?
229
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:37,610
She’s my Aunt Harriet.
She thinks she’s
Queen Victoria.
230
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,412
Well! (CHUCKLES)
231
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:43,316
(CHUCKLES) Well,
if you could just ignore her.
232
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,718
Ignore her?
Why, I admire her!
233
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,687
She’s my kind of woman.
234
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:51,624
I say, if you have to
go out of your mind,
go out in a big way!
235
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,495
Um... Here she is.
236
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,464
Will you be kind enough
to present me
to Her Majesty?
237
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:02,435
Um, Your Majesty,
may I present Mr. Morgan?
238
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,473
You may rise, Mr. Morgan.
239
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:10,643
We were impressed with you
the moment we saw you.
240
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,645
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, you hear that?
241
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,515
You remind us
of Mr. Gladstone.
242
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,783
No kiddin’?
243
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:20,353
I’ve always reminded myself
of a big shot like Gladstone.
244
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:23,122
You know, cracking the whip
over parliament.
245
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:26,259
We detest Mr. Gladstone.
246
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,962
That’s what I call
a real regal attitude.
247
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:31,898
Not afraid to speak out.
248
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,967
I’m that way myself. I...
(CLEARS THROAT)
249
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:40,807
Why don’t you two run along
and let me have a private
little chat with Her Majesty?
250
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:41,974
Well, I...
251
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,678
Ah, ah, ah. You’re arguing
with me, Tate.
252
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,048
Sorry.
Mmm-hmm.
253
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:55,087
Off with you.
Off, off, off, off.
254
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:08,434
Now, let’s you and I
have a VIP conversation.
255
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,469
You tell me how you run
your empire.
256
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,206
I’ll tell you how I run
my mattress factory.
257
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,542
Sir, have you forgotten
yourself?
258
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:21,147
Oh, not a chance!
I never forget me.
Or anything else.
259
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,649
I have a memory
like a steel trap.
260
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,352
We have not given you
permission to seat yourself.
261
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:30,289
Oh, come on,
come on. Sit down.
Let’s talk empires.
262
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:34,493
Even Mr. Gladstone has
greater respect for the crown.
263
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:37,763
Ow! Now, take it easy,
Your Majesty.
264
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,867
Let’s keep this on a basis
of friendly equality.
265
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,535
Equality? (SCOFFS)
266
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:46,138
You’re the commonest commoner
I’ve ever encountered.
267
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:49,175
No gentleman would seat
himself before a lady,
268
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,377
let alone
the Queen of England.
269
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,246
Well?
270
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,817
I’m trying to
go along with you.
271
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,752
I’m trying to be
friendly with you.
272
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,787
But don’t push me too far.
273
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,291
You will kindly
274
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,127
show proper respect
for the crown.
275
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,464
I told you
to cut that out!
276
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:15,301
That is better.
You shall remain on your feet.
277
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,307
Enough is enough!
278
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,276
LARRY: I’ll say it is,
Mr. Morgan.
279
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,479
Excuse me, Your Majesty.
May I escort you upstairs?
280
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,247
Perhaps you’d like
to take a little nap
281
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:31,584
You keep out of this, Tate.
I can handle this nut.
282
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,853
We are not amused.
283
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,655
Excuse me, Your Majesty.
284
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:39,258
But this self-appointed
emperor of a mattress factory
has it coming to him.
285
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:42,495
We haven’t given anyone
permission to speak.
286
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,663
Oh, shut up!
287
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,332
LARRY: Don’t you tell anyone
in this house to shut up.
288
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,301
This is Darrin Stephens’
house.
289
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,836
He’s the one
who says shut up!
290
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,505
May I speak for your husband?
291
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,675
(STAMMERING)
Oh, be my guest.
292
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:57,810
Shut up.
293
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,160
How do you like that?
294
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,762
I finally got up
enough nerve to do it.
295
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:18,864
Your Majesty.
296
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,567
We humbly apologize.
297
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,537
We shall retire
to our bedchamber.
298
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:28,140
If we decide to forgive,
we shall notify you.
299
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,150
Larry, I’m very proud
the way you stood up to him,
300
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,953
but in view of the fact
that it’s a million-dollar
account, don’t you...
301
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,789
Songwriters are missing
the greatest hit in the world.
302
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:48,194
You know, they should
put music to those words.
"Shut up."
303
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,433
Samantha.
Yes?
304
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,702
Do you have someplace
I could lie down?
305
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,204
Would you like an ice pack?
306
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,239
No, thanks.
I just want to lie down.
307
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,442
Guest room’s
at the top of the stairs.
308
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,311
All the time
I was telling him off,
309
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,681
I was wondering
why I wasn’t
the least bit worried.
310
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,349
Now I know.
311
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,218
The time hadn’t come yet.
312
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,553
Now, I’m worried.
313
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:33,339
(SOFTLY)
You are falling asleep.
314
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:38,177
You are falling asleep.
315
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,285
(SIGHS)
316
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,792
Deeper and deeper asleep.
317
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:57,496
You are dreaming
that you are Queen Victoria.
318
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:06,872
You run your factory
just like Queen Victoria
ran her empire.
319
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,241
Oh, we certainly do.
320
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,645
If anybody gets out of line,
we let them have it
with our fan.
321
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,514
SAM: You ring
your little bell,
and everybody jumps.
322
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,284
(TINKLES)
You’re fired!
323
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,752
SAM: You sit
on your little throne
324
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,687
and tell everybody
how to do everything.
325
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:25,357
We are not amused with
your advertising campaign.
326
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,326
SAM: But you are not
Queen Victoria.
327
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,462
You’re only
a petty little tyrant.
328
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,831
And as you think back
in history,
329
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,767
you know how tyrants
came to their end.
330
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,728
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Larry.
331
00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:03,863
What is it?
332
00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:07,166
It’s Mr. Morgan.
He’s back.
333
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:09,235
Morgan!
Mmm-hmm.
334
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,936
Oh, let me think.
Let me think.
335
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,105
Let me think
of a good apology.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
336
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:17,343
I can be the most apologetic
person in the world when I put
my heart and soul into it.
337
00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:21,747
May I come in?
Yes, of course.
338
00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:24,383
I won’t stay a moment.
Is Mr. Tate still here?
339
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:25,784
LARRY: Mr. Morgan.
340
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,586
Well, Tate!
341
00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:30,756
I just came by to tell you
of the most wonderful dream
I had.
342
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:35,427
I dreamed I was
Queen Victoria.
Isn’t that fantastic?
343
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:38,430
It suddenly dawned on me
that you were telling
the truth.
344
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:40,733
I have been
running my business
like a tyrant,
345
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:42,968
Treating people as though
I were the Queen Mother.
346
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,704
The Queen bee!
Of course that’s
absolute nonsense!
347
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:48,140
You’re talking
while I’m talking.
348
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,442
Sorry.
(CHUCKLES)
349
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:53,979
Nobody else has ever dared
tell me to my face.
350
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,781
I admire you, Tate.
351
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:58,184
You’re the kind of man
I want to handle my account.
352
00:21:58,184 --> 00:22:01,453
And I’ll keep my nose
out of it.
Oh, no, no, Mr. Morgan.
353
00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:03,889
You’re talking again.
Sorry.
354
00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:08,127
(CHUCKLES)
Well, that’s all
I came by to say.
355
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:10,496
I’ll see you and Stephens
at the office when
he gets back, hmm?
356
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:12,498
Good.
Good-bye.
357
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,867
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
358
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:17,803
Night-night, Mr. Morgan.
Nighty-night.
359
00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:20,839
Well, how about that?
360
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,808
Yes, how about that!
361
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:28,614
Now, if I can make it
to my car,
362
00:22:28,614 --> 00:22:30,683
I think I’ll go home
and have a double.
363
00:22:32,618 --> 00:22:34,753
Nighty-night.
Nighty-night.
364
00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:39,491
Oh.
365
00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:47,933
Her Majesty will be down
in a moment.
366
00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:53,339
Oh, really, Aunt Clara.
Darrin is going to be home
soon, and she cannot be here.
367
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,174
Now, please.
Send her back.
368
00:22:55,174 --> 00:22:56,642
I, uh...
369
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,745
I’ve forgotten the spell.
370
00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:02,214
Well, you leave me
no alternative.
371
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,350
I may not be able
to send her back,
372
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:06,118
but I can certainly
get her down here.
373
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:08,087
(GASPS)
374
00:23:09,421 --> 00:23:11,924
How did we get here?
375
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,460
We didn’t come down
the stairs,
376
00:23:15,427 --> 00:23:18,464
and we don’t recall jumping.
377
00:23:18,464 --> 00:23:21,600
We came here like this,
Your Majesty.
378
00:23:22,835 --> 00:23:24,503
(GASPING)
379
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:28,641
I am a witch.
380
00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:31,677
We do not approve
of such things.
381
00:23:31,677 --> 00:23:35,681
Sorcery and witchcraft
are forbidden.
382
00:23:35,681 --> 00:23:40,986
Clara, you are her aunt.
You’re not a witch?
383
00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:44,089
Well, we can’t all
be perfect, Your Majesty.
384
00:23:45,858 --> 00:23:49,194
I do seem to recall
my beloved Albert...
385
00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:52,431
Even Albert liked you.
386
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:56,468
If we had known this
in the 19th century,
387
00:23:56,468 --> 00:23:58,871
we would have
had you flogged!
388
00:24:03,309 --> 00:24:05,744
Our memory may be bad,
389
00:24:05,744 --> 00:24:10,482
but when we get mad,
we remember our spells.
390
00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:14,586
Eye of a newt,
leg of a spider,
391
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:18,324
Queen Victoria, tallyho.
392
00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:21,727
I cast my spell
and off you go.
393
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:29,101
Oh, Aunt Clara!
Now we’ve got Prince Albert.
394
00:24:29,101 --> 00:24:31,704
Maybe I didn’t use
enough English on it.
395
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,882
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
30389
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