All language subtitles for Bewitched S03E17 Sam in the Moon_track3_[eng]

TV NEWSCASTER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

this photograph
of the moon’s surface
was taken two months ago

by a camera aboard
an unmanned space capsule.

Today, space technicians
at the Cape

are hopeful
that this view of the moon
and even closer ones

will be seen
for the first time
by human eyes.

(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)

Sam, not now!
I’m watching the moon probe.

What?
The moon probe!
I’m watching the moon probe.

When you turn the vacuum on,
the set goes flooey.

I can’t see!
(SOFTLY) I can’t see.

Can’t you do that later?

Sweetheart, I’ve been
waiting for weeks to give
the house a thorough cleaning.

These rugs are filthy!

How can you worry
about the dirt on the rugs

when we’re about to see
the surface of the moon?

The moon could use
a vacuuming
too, all that dust.

Ugh!
We have now received word
from the Cape

that the orbit and attitude of
the space capsule are perfect.

In a matter of hours,
astronauts
aboard the spacecraft

will have the closest view
of the moon ever seen

by the naked eye,
thus bringing
nearer the day

when men will actually land
on the moon.

Honey, why don’t you forget
about the housework
for a while?

Watch this with me.
It’s pretty interesting,

even for a sophisticated
witch like you.

Well, I’d like to, darling,
but I just, I just can’t.

It’s like having
a ringside seat
for the discovery of America.

Aren’t you interested?

Well,
certainly I’m interested.
But it’s the same

elliptical orbit,
isn’t it?

I mean, except that
this time the pilots
will see for themselves

the mile-high dust drifts
and the lunar craters.

I am more interested
in getting the refrigerator
straightened out,

the oven scrubbed,
the attic cleaned,
and the rugs vacuumed.

Anyway, I’ve seen the moon.

She’s seen the moon.

She’s seen the moon?

No, that’s impossible.

With her,
nothing’s impossible.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Larry, I’d like
to ask you something.

Is it more important than
Jack Nicklaus getting an eagle
on a 550-yard five par?

What do you think
about the moon?
I think it’s very nice.

Easy, now. Stroke it easy.
You’ve got a downhill lie.

I mean, about getting there.
You really want to know
what I think?

Okay,
I’ll tell you what I think.

I think that the moon
is very important.

But I wish
they’d stop spending
my money to get there.

Oh, come on, Larry.
Be serious.

I am serious!

Do you realize how big
my tax bill is going
to be this year?

Larry, it’s for
the advancement of science,

new frontiers, progress!

Look, don’t get me wrong.
If they could just
say "Alicazam,"

snap their fingers
and get there,
I’d be all for it.

Well, that’s close.

What?

Uh, nothing.

I say forget it.

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING ON TV)

Larry,
um, I know this is going
to sound ridiculous,

but just suppose someone knew
of a way of getting
to the moon

without spending
all that money.

What do you think
he should do about it?

I think he should go
right down to the authorities
and tell them what he knows.

I think it would be
his patriotic duty.

(MUMBLING)
That’s what I was afraid
you’d say.

But before he does it,
I’ll tell you what I think
he should do.

I think he should go home,
take a good, stiff drink,

a couple of aspirin,
and try to get some sleep.

Well, Larry, it was just
a hypothetical question.

(CHUCKLES)
Of course it was.

And furthermore, I don’t think
this person should come to
work tomorrow

until he’s gotten
all of this stupid nonsense
out of his skull!

Well, I really got a rise
out of you, didn’t I?

I was just putting you on.

Really, Samantha,
it’s getting harder and harder
to tell the difference

between you and an ordinary
household drudge.

Well, I’m sorry, Mother,
but as long as you insist

upon popping in unannounced,
you’ll just have to take me
as I am.

I must say I can’t see
where I went wrong.

I brought you up
as a proper witch,

taught you
the best incantations,

and here you are,
married to a mortal,

doing the most menial tasks.

A fallen woman.

All right, Mother.
Out with it.
What’s on your mind?

I want you to
come shopping
with me.

Ah, so that’s what all this
is about, to get me to come
shopping with you.

Well, if I’d simply
invited you, Samantha,
you would have refused.

I’m afraid I have to, anyway.
I can’t leave Tabatha.

I’ve already installed Hagatha
upstairs to baby-sit.

Mother,
I have to clean the house.
Good.

Now, let’s compromise.

I’ll let you clean the house
as a drudge,

but only after
you come shopping
with me.

Well, all right.

But we mustn’t be gone
more than two hours.
Now, promise.

Marvelous.
We’d better change, dear.

Oh, Mother.
Wait a minute.

Where are we going?
It’s Sunday.
All the stores are closed.

Not where I’m taking you.
Follow me.

Nice of you
to pop in, ladies.

Oh, Mother.

You didn’t tell me
we were going to Tokyo.
I’ll never trust you again.

Darling, you said yourself
the shops were all closed
back home.

Here it isn’t Sunday.

We’ve just crossed
the international dateline.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(JAPANESE CONTINUES)

I am so happy
to see you again.

This is my daughter
Samantha.
How do you do?

(JAPANESE CONTINUES)

I am honored to make
your acquaintance,
Samantha-san.

Your mother and I
have been longtime friends.

I’ve just come
for some of
your marvelous tea,

Watanabe-san.

Of course.
Just a moment, please.

I keep in back
for my special customers.

(LAUGHING)

He’s a warlock?
Tokyo chapter.

And his tea
is absolutely
out of this world.

After this, we will go
to a marvelous restaurant.

(GASPS)
They make the most divine
squid mousse.

Well, um, I guess
I should be going home.

I’ll see you
at the office tomorrow.

Darrin.
What?

That’s the closet.

Well, there’s nothing
like a little trip to Japan

to break up the morning.

Now, just let us relax

and have a cup
of this marvelous warlock tea.

Mother, dear,
you are incorrigible.

Now, we’ve been gone
all day.

And now you
want me to sit down
and have tea.

I have to get the house clean.
What am I gonna tell Darrin?

Well, tell him our rickshaw
got caught in a traffic jam.

I’m certainly not going
to mention Japan.

Then don’t.
Do you have to give a schedule
of where you’ve been

every day, minute by minute?

Well, of course not.
It’s a, um,

look, if I don’t get started
with the cleaning,
I’ll never get done.

You’re welcome to stay.

And watch you do battle
with grease and grime?
(LAUGHS)

No, thank you.

Well, ta-ta, darling.

Enjoy your tea.
(CHUCKLES)

Now, the vacuuming
and the attic.

Oh, I’ll never make it.

Vacuum cleaner,
I have a problem.

I can spend four hours
pushing you
around and cleaning

the attic.

In which case I won’t have
any time to spend with Darrin,

or I can, um...

Well, you know,
get it all done in a flash

and relax for the rest of
the afternoon with my husband.

What do you think?
Should I or shouldn’t I?

(WHIRRING)

Well, I thought you’d agree.

Now, that dusty, old attic.

Sam, I’m home.
I’ll be right there.

Are you still vacuuming?

Now, that’s what I call
really automatic.

Sam?

(WHIRRING STOPS)
Sam!

I thought we agreed
that housework was to be done
in the usual manner.

Oh, I must have left
the motor on.

You also must have left
detailed instructions.

What happened to you?
I’ve been upstairs
cleaning the attic.

It’s very dirty
up there, see?

Did you clean the attic
the same way you were
vacuuming the rug?

Oh, Darrin, really.

I just wanted us
to have some time together,

and I thought I wouldn’t be
finished in time, so I...

A little, uh...
(WHISTLES)

Yes, just a little.

By the way,
where have you been?
I called you from Larry’s.

Why are you questioning me
like this?

I’m not questioning you.
I just want to know

what you did
while I was gone.

Minute by minute?

Any way you like.

Well, let’s see.

First, I cleaned the left side
of the refrigerator.

Then I cleaned
the right side.
Sam!

You’re deliberately
not answering my question.

I do not like being
cross-examined
by my husband.

What is that?
What’s what?

That, that.
Oh, this?

That’s, yeah.
Nothing.

Do you usually wrap nothing
in white tissue paper?

Um Darrin,

Mother came over

and we went out to lunch
at a nice little
Japanese tea room.

And that’s the last question
I’m going to answer

until you apologize.

Sam, please.
One more question?

Where did you go?

You want to know
where I went?
Yes.

All right, I’ll tell you.
To the moon!

And one of these days...

Ooh!

(WHISTLES)

Ah, how are you,
Mr. Stephens?
What’ll it be today?

Heartburn, headaches,
lower back pains,
nasal congestion?

You name it,
I can fix it.

It’s nothing like that.
I wanna ask a favor.

Well, uh
Could you analyze these?

Analyze?
What kind of analyze?

Look, Mr. Stephens.
I’m a druggist,
not a chemical engineer.

If I was a chemist, would I be
open on Sunday afternoon?

That’s the whole point.
All the laboratories
are closed,

and I want to
find out what this
stuff is as soon as possible.

It, uh...

It’s a matter
of national importance.

Looks like dust.

It looks like dust.

I want you to find out
what that really is.

You mean,
you might be allergic?

Oh, that’s right, Mr. Grand.
I’m afraid I’m allergic.

And this, by you,
is of national importance?

Mr. Grand,
just find out what it is.

And this one,

that’s supposed to be tea.

You’re a good customer,
Mr. Stephens.

I’ll see what I can do,
but I don’t promise I can do
anything this afternoon.

My wife’s brother is coming
from out of town,

and, to my wife,
he’s of national importance.

So I’m closing the store
an hour earlier.

Well, as soon as you can.
I’ll be by first thing
in the morning.

And thank you, Mr. Grand.

"Darrin, since you insist

"on knowing where I am
every minute of the day,

"Tabatha and I have gone
to the market to pick up
a few things for dinner.

"Any further questions
will have to wait
until we get home. Sam."

Terrible. Terrible.

I feel like a stool pigeon,

An informer.

Spying on my own wife.

Oh.

What happens if that stuff
actually turns out to be
from the moon?

What do I do then?

Report it to NASA?

MAN:
Of course, you know we don’t
waste time here at NASA.

We’re in a race to the moon
with the Russians, and we’re
going to win. Right, Frank?

Right, Ed.
Look, I can’t give...

I can’t give you these
unless you promise

not to ask me
where I got them.

What is this, Stephens,
conditions,

when the prestige
of our country is involved?

I can’t reveal my...

I cannot reveal my sources.

Unless you agree, no deal.

Mr. Stephens,
why should we want to pry
into your private affairs?

Why, that’s ridiculous,
isn’t it, Ed?
Of course. Ridiculous.

Now, Mr. Stephens,
what’s in the envelope?

(CHUCKLES)
well, it looks like house dust
and tea, but I...

Tea, huh?
We’ll find out
about that.

Run them through
the lab, Frank.
Right, Ed.

ED:
Moon dust and lunar tea.

FRANK: All right,
Stephens. That’s it.
Where’d you get it?

I can’t tell you.
ED: Cut the jazz,
Stephens.

You’re in serious
trouble.

FRANK:
Where’d you get it?
I won’t tell you.

ED:
Who gave it to you?
No one!

Does anybody else know
about this?
No!

You’re lying.
What did you
tell him?

I said it was
his patriotic duty
to go to the authorities

and tell them
everything he knew.

Tell them, Darrin.

I can’t.

They won’t let me watch
the golf tournament
if you don’t tell them.

(GROANS)

Don’t try to worm out of this.
We know all
about you, Stephens.

We have an account
of your activities,
hour by hour.

Listen. I’m just
a simple neighborhood
druggist

who has to stay open
Sunday afternoons.

Never mind about that.
What about him?

Oh, such a nice man.
Lovely wife,
an adorable daughter.

Funny name, though.
Who could know
that he was a spy?

Your wife.
What does she
know about this?

Nothing. I swear
she knows nothing about it.

ED: Then where
did you get it?
I refuse to answer

on the grounds that it might
tend to incriminate she.

Me!
Ah-ha! She is involved!
Bring her in, Frank.

Right, Ed.
No!

FRANK:
All right, Stephens,
who’s this woman?

DARRIN:
I never saw her before
in my life...

FRANK:
Next. How about this one?

DARRIN:
Her, I’ve seen.

Oh, Darrin, how could you?
What’s going to become
of Tabatha?

Sam, I’m sorry.
I tried to protect you,
but they wormed it out of me!

We were only gone
for a little while.
Mother wanted to get some tea.

You see?
You wouldn’t listen to me.

That’s what comes of
marrying a mortal. They’re so
nosy and suspicious.

Always wanting to know
what you’re going to do
every minute of the day.

Well, you’re right, Mother.
You’re absolutely right.

I must admit it.
He was suspicious.
He did ask questions.

No, no!

Yes, yes!

FRANK:
All right, Mrs. Stephens,
it’s time.

ED:
Come along, Mrs. Stephens.
It’s time.

Oh, no, no. Not yet, please.
Just one more minute.

FRANK: NASA can’t wait,
Mrs. Stephens.
We’re in a race.

It’s time!
Leave her alone!
It’s my fault!

For once,
you’re right, Dagwood.
It is your fault.

Oh, Darrin, Darrin,
Darrin.

Darrin? Darrin?
Darrin? Darrin?
It’s all my fault. No, no!

Wake up. Darrin.
(MUTTERING)

Oh, Sam. Sam!
You’re, you’re here.

They didn’t take you.
Who?

The NASA man.
NASA man?

That’s a new one.
Is it anything like
bogeyman?

Oh, relax, sweetheart.
You just had a bad dream.

Oh. Well, yeah.

Where’s Tabatha?
She’s upstairs asleep.

What were
you dreaming about?
Well, the NASA men.

The space agency.
They were giving me
the third degree

about where did I get
the moon dust.

Moon dust?
Yeah.

And your mother was there,
and Larry Tate was there,
and Grand,

Grand!
What’s Grand?

Max Grand. The druggist.
I gave him the dust
and the tea

to be analyzed.

Sam, why did you have to go
to the moon, especially after
we just talked about it?

Darrin,
are you sure you’re awake?
Come on, Sam.

I know all about it.
While I was at Larry Tate’s
this morning,

you and your mother
went to the moon.

And when you came back,
you were covered with
moon dust

and you had
that package
of lunar tea!

Oh, for heaven’s sake!

And when I came back,

when I came back from Larry’s,
and I said, "Samantha,
where have you been,"

did you not say,
and I quote, "To the moon"?

Darrin, if I told you
I’d been to the north star,
would you believe me?

I was only kidding.
Sam, when any other
woman says,

"I’ve been to the moon,"
you figure that’s just
a figure of speech.

But when you say,
"I’ve been to the moon,"

Well, that’s
something else
altogether.

When I saw that dust,
I knew you’d been to the moon.
Darrin. Darrin.

Mother came by
and she insisted
I go shopping with her.

Shop, Sam.

It’s Sunday.
All the stores are closed.
Not in Japan.

In Japan, it’s Monday.

And that’s where
we went, and that’s
all there is to it.

Japan? Are you asking me
to believe that?

You believe I went
to the moon, and
you don’t believe I went

to Japan?

You said you went to the moon.
Only because I was so annoyed
at you for asking

so many silly questions.

So you haven’t been
to the moon?

Not recently, no.

Sam!

I swear and affirm
that I have not left
the Earth today.

Really?
Mmm-hmm.

Really, really?
Really, really.

Oh, darling!
That’s marvelous.

Oh. I don’t even feel so bad
about being such a fool
with Mr. Grand.

Imagine, giving him
ordinary house
dust to analyze.

Ooh, I bet he thinks
you’re spooky.
Yeah.

Ordinary house dust
and ordinary
Japanese tea.

(LAUGHING)

Uh, Darrin.
Darrin, it isn’t ordinary
Japanese tea.

Mmm.

What, um,
what is it?

It’s,
it’s warlock tea.

It’s warlock tea.
It’s warlock tea!

Oh, Sam!
Well, Darrin,

Mr. Grand is
gonna analyze it,
and he’s going to think...

I don’t know what
he’s going to think.

Well, I don’t think
there’s anything
to worry about.

He’ll just
think it’s something
he’s never seen before,

and that’ll be the end
of that.

Yeah, yeah.
I hope you’re right.
Oh. Hmm.

(PHONE RINGING)
I don’t think
you’re right. Hello?

Mr. Stephens,
about that matter
of national importance,

the stuff that looks
like house dust,

it is house dust.
No microfilm, no nothing.

Just house dust.

Well, thank you
for your trouble,
Mr. Grand. You...

But that other stuff,
the stuff that
looks like tea...

That was a mistake.
That is tea.

Ah, that’s where
you’re wrong.

I put it through
every test I’ve got.

And there’s something in it
that is definitely not tea.

I even showed it
to my brother-in-law,
the one from Nassau.

NASA? Your brother-in-law’s
from NASA?

Yeah. He’s visiting us
for the weekend
with the kids.

Uh, Mr. Grand,
don’t do another thing.

Just forget about it.
You’ve gone to
enough trouble.

Oh, no trouble at all.
Look, we’ve got to pass
your place on the way home.

We’ll drop it off.
See you in a few minutes.
Mr. Grand!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Sam, I wish you’d go
upstairs and let me
handle this.

Well, no. I think
it’ll sound more
logical coming from me.

Uh, keep your fingers crossed.

There they are.

Mr. Grand, I want to
apologize for causing you
so much trouble,

especially since it was all
an accident.

You see, my mother’s
always been fond
of home remedies.

You know how old-fashioned
some mothers can be.

When she discovered that
Darrin was allergic to dust,

she decided she
had to give him
one of her favorite

home remedies, she said
it some special kind
of tea, you know.

But Darrin’s always
been a little bit suspicious
of home remedies.

That’s why he gave it
to you to analyze.

Well, it turns out
that it’s not tea at all.

No, no. I talked to Mother,
and she admitted

that it was a special blend
of herbs and spices

that she got
from a Japanese herbalist.

Now, I know that
they do come up with
some strange concoctions.

Lady.
Yes?

This stuff is
more than strange.

Hey, what happened?
There’s no wind tonight.

Oh, it does come up
suddenly sometimes,
doesn’t it?

Oh, what a shame.
That was the last
of it too.

Mr. And Mrs. Stephens,
I want you to meet

my brother-in-law
Harry Kahn from
Nassau.

Hello.
How do you do? You don’t
have any more of this?

Oh, I’m sorry.
I’m afraid you’ll just

have to go back and tell them
at the space agency.

What space agency?
I own a string of cut-rate
drug stores.

You, you mean
you’re not from NASA?

Sure. Nassau County,
Long Island.

What’s the matter
with him?

Oh, it must be
his allergy.

Night air.
Very bad, you know.
Mmm.

Uh, thank you so much,
Mr. Grand.

Mr. Kahn,
it was nice
meeting you.

Good night.
Yes, nice meeting,

(WHISTLES)

Darrin,
are you all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, come along.
I’ll fix you
a nice cup of tea.

Uh, no! No tea.

But how about
a moonlight cocktail?

Darrin?

Come look
at the lady in the moon.

What moon?

Besides,
it’s a man in the moon.

How do you know
it’s a man?

Everybody knows
it’s a man.
Just look at it.

Could be a lady.

You know, I’ve been meaning
to ask you something.

You said that, um,
you hadn’t been to
the moon today,

but you didn’t say that
you’d never been to
the moon.

Hmm?

Well, have you?

Have I what?
Been to the moon, ever.

Darrin, you don’t want
to know everything
about me, do you?

I mean, there are some
things a wife should
not tell a husband.

And, um, whether or not
she has been to the moon
is one of them.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)