All language subtitles for Bewitched S03E07 Twitch or Treat_track3_[eng]

Honey, you’ve got a choice.
There’s a comedy
at the Bijou,

a Western at the Rialto,
an Egyptian epic
at the Uptown.

Darrin, I don’t think
it’s right to go to a movie
on Halloween.

It’s like hiding out.
I think we should observe
Halloween properly.

How? Honey, it’s been
Halloween around here
for the past week.

What, with your mother,
Uncle Arthur, houses appearing
and disappearing.

And appearing!

Sam, it’s back!
Your mother’s house is back.

Darrin, do you love me?
No.

I mean, yes, I love you,

But, no, I won’t do
what you want when you say,
"Darrin, do you love me?"

Mother only wants that house
back there for a little while.
And for one reason.

One reason.

The Halloween party
tonight.

So that’s what
the Halloween talk was about.

Mother’s giving a party
for some of her
intimate friends.

Not on my block,
she isn’t!
And we’re invited.

Your mother created
that house with a spell.

Well, she can just un-create
it and have her party
someplace else.

Oh. Darrin,
I’d so love to go.

The most interesting people
are gonna be there.

Interesting? Yes.
People? No.

I beg your pardon!

Sam, you know what I mean.
What if somebody finds out?
What’ll you tell them?

Well, people expect strange
things to happen on Halloween.

Besides,
nobody’s gonna find out.

UNCLE ARTHUR:
Greetings, folks!

Have you heard
the glad tidings?

One Endora,
mother of Samantha Stephens,
suburban housewife,

is giving a Halloween party
this evening.

The catch to the story is
that the guests
will be real witches.

(LAUGHING)

Buck up, Darrin.
It’s gonna be a ball.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Darrin, where are you going?
This is no way
to settle an argument.

Who’s arguing?
Not me.

I am laying down the law.
That house of your mother’s
has got to go.

As for Uncle Arthur...
Well, he’s gone.
You can see for yourself.

No, I can’t. He could turn up
in our goldfish bowl.

We haven’t got
a goldfish bowl.

Sam!
Well...

I want that house out of here.
Off of this street.

Out of this neighborhood.
Out of this world
immediately!

Or else.

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

Mother! Mother,
I have to talk to you.

Mother?
ENDORA: What is it
that can’t wait?

Me. Where are you?
Outside?

Really, Samantha,
you know I’m in the midst
of all my party preparations.

Mother,
Darrin is very upset.

It’s always nice to hear
news like that, dear.

But I have all sorts
of chores to do.

Well, I’m afraid you’re going
to have to forget about
your chores.

And you can
forget about the party.

Did I tell you that I’ve
decided to make it
a small gathering?

It makes it that much easier
to keep Uncle Arthur out.

He is definitely
not invited.

Mother, Darrin is adamant.
That house has got to go.

I can’t hear you.

I can.
I heard everything
you said, Sammy.

And everything she said.

Except that part
about not inviting me
to the party.

Fortunately,
I missed that.
I’ll repeat it.

There’s no point repeating it,
Mother, because there isn’t
going to be any party,

because there isn’t going to
be any house to have it in.

Now, Darrin said, "or else."
And you know what that means.

It means nothing to me.

It means my marriage
is at stake.

Oh, blast the house!

I hope you’re satisfied,
missy.
I’m very grateful.

Fine. I was going to do
my annual rendition of...

’Twas The Night
Before Halloween.

Aw. We’re gonna miss that?
Gee, I’m all choked up.
(LAUGHING)

Anybody who’d knock
anybody else
out of a tree is sick.

Oh! Mother, really.

Uncle Arthur, come on.
Thank you, Sammy.

Mother, about your party.
Couldn’t you have it
somewhere else?

Why, Samantha, that’s
an excellent suggestion.

Brazil’s lovely
this time of year.

A little redoing here,
a little highlighting there.

And probably
a tinkling fountain
might be nice.

Where?
Uh, Brazil?

In your living room.
Oh, Mother, no!

Too late.

Oh! Oh, Mother!

Oh, now,
what’s Darrin going to say?

You didn’t expect me to ask
my guests to come here
the way it was, did you?

I’ll add a few little things
here and there.

Endora, you decorate the way
you do everything else...

In super-stupendous,
glorious bad taste.

Oh.

(DOORBELL RINGS)
Uh-oh.
I wonder who that can be.

If that’s who I think it is.
(GASPS)

Oh, it is!
It’s Gladys Kravitz.
Oh, what am I gonna do?

Allow me.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)
What are you doing here?

I live here.
Now ask me why.

Thank you, Uncle Arthur.

Think nothing of it,
Sammy.

Now, what time do you want
the life of the party
to appear?

Meaning you?
Who else?

How about half past never?

She’s joking.

She’s not very good at it,
but that’s what she’s doing.

And furthermore, Mother,
as long as the party
is being given in my house,

Uncle Arthur is invited.

That’s blackmail.

No, it isn’t.
That’s love.

Hi! Oh, my sweetheart,
welcome home.

I-I was just looking out
the window waiting for you
to come home.

Swell, honey,
but the neighbors...
Let’s go inside.

Wasn’t it sweet
of Mother?
What?

Well, didn’t you notice?
The house is gone.

Yeah, I noticed.
I just hope nobody else did.
She couldn’t have been nicer.

And all she wanted
was one small, tiny,
little concession.

And in view of
the rather large,

magnificent, magnanimous
gesture on her part,

I felt the least that we
could do was to grant

her one small, tiny,
little concession.

Which is...

To let her have the
party here. And you’re
especially invited.

Hey, I’m glad to hear that.

I’m being especially invited
to a party that’s being given
at my own house.

Incidentally, when can I get
into my own house?
In just a minute.

Uh, I want to prepare
you first. You see, she’s done
a little redecorating.

You’re just full of all kinds
of good news, aren’t you?
Can we go inside now?

Uh, well, if you won’t
let it throw you.

Honey, believe me,
at this point,
nothing can throw me.

DARRIN: Samantha!

Quite a party.
Thank you, Durwood.

I flew the food in
from all over the world.
Personally, of course.

Of course.
Thank you.

Have some champagne,
darling, I’m sure
it’s a very good year.

For whom?

Do have some champagne.

Thank you.

What? What did I do?

Oh, for Hecat’s sake.
There are two full cases
on the service porch.

It’s so difficult to get
good help nowadays.

And don’t forget the caviar.
Or did I?

I did!
I completely forgot
the caviar.

Beluga, beluga,

sturgeon of the Caspian Sea,

send your very best eggs
to me.

Ooh!
(IN UNCLE ARTHUR’S VOICE)
Careful! I bruise easily.

There you are, Endora, dear.
Caviar on the hoof.
(LAUGHING)

How’s that for charm?

That man’s impossible!

Sam, you’re a sweet child...

But your mother has always
been first, last
and foremost a witch.

Come, my darling.
I think this is the house.

(MEOWS)
Of course.
How silly of me.

Really, Boris.
Sometimes I wonder
which one of us you prefer.

You’re the more beautiful,
my darling, but milk
is cheaper than champagne.

(GASPS) Abner!

Now let us go in.
I’m anxious to see
Endora again.

One moment.
I want to fix my fur.

Hair, my darling.
Until midnight, it is hair.

Midnight. Again?

Boris, why must I always
leave a party just when
it’s getting started?

Because you are a pussycat.
And rules are rules.

(GASPS)

Your slip is showing.

Oh!

Abner! Abner!

Ah, Boris,
how good of you to come.

Endora, my love.

And Eva! I’ve set aside
a saucer of milk, darling,
for after midnight.

Ah, you’re too kind.
Come in.

Gladys, you’ve called
the police department,

the fire department,
and the SPCA.

Who are you calling now?
How many people have to tell
you you’re crazy?

Councilman Green?
This is Gladys Kravitz,

the chairwoman of the
neighborhood committee for
your reelection.

Crazy but shrewd.

I’d like you to come out here
right away and investigate
a very strange party.

I see Boris has brought
his "ghoulfriend."

(LAUGHING)

Go on, darling,
it’s the best!

Excuse me, darling.

Samantha.

My darling.

How wonderful
to see you again.

Hello, Boris. I’d like you
to meet my husband, Darrin.
I’m honored.

How do you do?
May we have this dance?

Darrin?
Uh, be my guest.

Well, hello.
I don’t think I know you.

Um, I’m her husband.
Darrin.

(ROLLING R’S) Darrrin.
What a masculine name.

Dance with me?

All right.

Um, I’m afraid I’m not up
with the new dance steps.

Oh, but it’s so easy.
You just...

Move.

Wait.
What?

Oh, I love a man
with a mustache.

Pull in your claws,
kitty cat. He’s mine.

"Kitty cat"?
Mmm.

Genuine alley.
Oh!

Ohh!

You see, last year
Hagatha gave the party.

And I’ll never forget
the appetizers she served.

Boiled tree fungus
with peppered fish fat.

And sea urchins
with Bordelaise sauce.

I’m afraid we’ll have
to move back a bit.

Eva is insisting on doing
her little thing again.

Please.

And the second course
was boiled ostrich
with sweet and sour sauce,

turtle-dove, sauteed
in its own feathers,

roast parrot
and dormice stuffed
with pork and pine kernels.

(DRUM FANFARE)
What’s going to happen?

Eva is going to dance.
Again.

It’s her own creation.
She calls it "The Pussyfoot."

Oh!
Yeah, I thought
you’d like that.

Honey, anything’s
an improvement
on listening to Uncle Arthur.

By the way, I’ve been
meaning to ask you. Where’s
the music coming from?

Oh, we have our own
special hookup.
Ghost-to-ghost.

(LAUGHING)

That’s cute, Sammy.

Sorry.

(SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING)

I forgot to tell you
about the salad.

Oak leaves and moss,
Spanish moss, I think,

with neatsfoot oil
and vinegar.

Really?
And finally for dessert,

flamingo flambe with fricassee
of forget-me-nots.

How do you like that?
DARRIN: Sounds delicious.

Delicious?
Why, it was revolting!

You weren’t listening
to me, were you?

John, I tell you,
this Kravitz woman
is a triple-A kook.

And I tell you, Councilman,
if it’s one thing

you better earn about
American politics,

it’s that kooks vote.

Councilman Green.
Dear Mrs. Kravitz,
how nice to see you.

This is Mr. Morgan,
my campaign manager.

Wait till you see
what’s going on in that house
across the street.

Well, if there is...
Councilman, just in case
there is something going on,

don’t you think
you ought to arrange
for some documentation?

Documentation.
We’re going across the street.
You call this number.

When the man answers,
tell him to stand
by for a call

from Councilman Green.

Who’d you have her call?
The Morning Globe.
You want headlines or not?

Good thinking.
(CHUCKLES)

Excuse us.

Have some hors d’oeuvres
from Perugia.
Hey, Sam!

Say, hey, Willie.

How you doin’?
Fine. Just fine.

Sam, Sam.
Hmm?

Isn’t that
Willie Mays?
Of course.

She’s my favorite.
Naturally.
She’s her mother’s daughter.

What’s he doing here?
Oh, Darrin, really.

You mean,
he’s a, a...too?

The way he hits home runs,
what else?

WILLIE: Sam?
Oh, excuse me, sweetheart.

Gee, I think it’s about time
for me to pop out
to the ballpark.

He sure is.

Well, hello!

You’ve been ignoring me
all evening.

Not intentionally, I’m sure.

There must be something
I should be doing.

This party’s being given
in my own house, you know.

Oh, that’s fascinating.
Tell me more.

And while you’re at it,
you can scratch me
behind the ears.

Did you see that?
No. And if you know what’s
good for you, neither did you.

Expecting some late arrivals?
No, but we may
have some anyway.

See that man?
I think that’s
our councilman.

What’s he doing here?
I don’t know.

Probably some of
Gladys Kravitz’s handiwork.

I don’t care what you say,
I want to know what’s
going on in that house.

It is!
He and his friend are coming
to the front door.

What’ll we do?
We do nothing.

Party crashers
are my specialty.

That should take care
of that.

This is the thinnest house
I’ve ever been through.

Well, we found a shortcut
through the house. Now all we
have to do is find the house.

Ah, Eva. Eva, please!

I’m a married man.
I know.

I better take care
of that.

That’s what makes you
so interesting.

Eva...

(EVA’S VOICE) Rats!

Exactly.
Go chase a few.

Sam, did you?

Mmm, didn’t have to.
At midnight it happens
automatically.

Sammy, come here.

Oh, excuse me.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

I got rid of ’em once.
Persistent little devils,
aren’t they?

Morgan, there’s more
to this house
than meets the eye.

You mean,
there’s less to this house
than meets the eye.

Come on,
let’s try the window.

Come on, John,
let’s get out of here.

We always did make
a good team.

John, I’ve been handling
the problems of this community
year after year,

and I suggest that we handle
the problems of this house...

The same way I’ve handled
all the other problems
of this community.

I suggest that I won’t
say anything about it
if you don’t.

Good thinking.

(APPLAUSE)
ENDORA:
everybody, quiet please.

What’s Endora
up to now?

I’m afraid she’s about
to start her recitation.

Oh, no.
Darrin, are you gonna
let her ruin your party?

My party?
Well, it’s in your house.
Want everybody to leave?

Is that what they’d do?
Now, stop it, you two.
Shh.

We’ll just have
to grin and bear it.
Come on.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you, thank you.
Needless to say,

I wouldn’t dream of doing
any of my own selections if
some of you hadn’t insisted.

Now... What would
some of you insisters
like me to do first, huh?

Sing Melancholy Baby.
(LAUGHING)

Oh, I apologize.

No apologizes needed
for you, Boris.
(CLEARS THROAT)

My first selection
will be ’Twas The Night
Before Halloween.

’Twas the night
before Halloween
and all who were chic,

were sipping champagne...

They’d been stoned
for a week.

The witches and warlocks
in Rome by the score,

with their ladies attired
in their best by Dior.

Checking their warts
as they came through the door.

And the odd little mortals,
all snug in their beds,

while visions of trick or
treat danced in their heads.

Our children...

Were practicing spells
and their chance...

And even the poltergeist
pulled off their pants.

(LAUGHING)

I’ve had it!
Did you hear
what I said, Arthur?

I’ve had it!

I guess that will dampen
your spirits.

Come on, everybody,
let’s take our party
somewhere else.

The Riviera?
Venice, anyone?

(THUNDERING)

Ohh.

You gotta say one thing
for her,
she’s got imagination.

I warned you, Uncle Arthur.

Thank you, Sammy.

Let’s put it this way.

It was the most unusual
Halloween party
I’ve ever been to.

It sure beats
dunking for apples.

Well, I think it was
Mother’s most unusual
Halloween party, too.

You know something,
among other things,
you’re an awfully good sport.

Ahh.
It’s true.

Not many men would go through
what you’ve gone through
and still keep smiling.

That’s true.
Darrin!

Well, I...

Just to show my appreciation
for you letting us have
the party here,

I promise that next year,
if you want to, we’ll spend
Halloween with your family.

Thanks.
And Thanksgiving
with mine.

Mmm.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)