All language subtitles for Bewitched S03E06 Endora Moves in for a Spell_track3_[eng]

Teddy bear!

Oh, really, Tabatha,
mustn’t twitch.

You know, lately you’ve been
positively...

Mother?

Mother, have you been
encouraging her again?

I have told you
that I will not stand for
any witchcraft in this house,

especially where
Tabatha’s concerned.
Now, that’s final!

Oh, dear, I’m going to have to
have a very serious talk
with your grandmother.

Come now, Samantha, one more
word about that dreadful lady
and I’ll have to go.

Oh, Uncle Arthur!

What are you doing
in there?
I’ve been framed!

(LAUGHS HEARTILY)

Oh, Uncle Arthur,
it’s so good to see you!

Sammy dear, you just keep
getting prettier and prettier.

Oh! Where have you been?
It’s been much too long.

It certainly have if
you’ve started making speeches
to yourself.

Who do we have to thank
for that?
The Wicked Witch of the West?

Uncle Arthur,
you stop that!

I can see you haven’t
changed a bit.
Neither have your jokes.

Teddy bear.

Uncle Arthur’s here,
sweetie.

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, Sammy, she’s beautiful!

Well, I wouldn’t say that.

But I’m awfully glad
to hear you say it,

or anyone else
for that matter.

There’s your little bear,
sweetie.

And how’s my, uh,
darling sister?

I gather from
the little speech
you were rehearsing

she’s playing
the grand "smother in law"
right to the hilt.

No, but she pops in
an awful lot.

How do we get the old crone
to pop out?

Old crone, is it?

I’ve a good mind
to pop you out
right into the next century.

Endora!
Speak of the devil.

You won’t believe this,
but we’ve been talking
about you.

You call yourself
my brother!

Only when I’m forced to,
Endora.

I deny it as much as possible.

Now, now, Uncle Arthur,
Mother, please.
Oh, it’s too late.

You’ve seen the last of me.
I’m leaving,
never to return again.

Marvelous!

See, that didn’t take long.
I’m only hear to help.

I haven’t left yet.

Hurry it up, will you?
We’d like to be alone.

(HISSES)

You made her awful mad,
Uncle Arthur.
No telling what she’ll do.

DARRIN: Hi, honey!

Well, if it isn’t
my old yagga-zuzzie
nephew-in-law.

What’s he doing here?

He just got here...
Practically.

Didn’t you, Uncle Arthur?
As a matter of fact,
Mother was here, too.

But I’m afraid
they had words.

Words?
There’s the understatement
of the century.

The truth is,
Uncle Arthur sent her away.

He sent your mother away?

Yes. You see,

Mother was so angry
that she left,

swearing never
to return again...

Uncle Arthur,
I have never been so happy
to see anybody in my life!

Uncle Arthur, old pal,
old buddy!

Hiya, fella,
glad to see you.
Put her in there.

Your Uncle Arthur...
(LAUGHING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

How much longer is he
going to stay here?

I don’t mind his walking
the baby so much, as what
he does to entertain her.

Pushing her stroller
on a red carpet in front
of Gladys Kravitz yet!

Dancing on the ceiling,
turning himself
into a 20-foot balloon!

Darrin, I know you have
every right to complain,
but...

I’m not complaining,
I’m not...
Yes, I am.

He’s been here, what?
Three days?

Talk about influencing
the baby.

And what he does to me.
That I’m not
too crazy about her either!

Complain, darling.
Don’t rave.

I just don’t happen to think
that a hotfoot made with
real lightening is funny!

I don’t know why.
Maybe I’m sick.
I am sick. Sick of him.

The more I see
of Uncle Arthur, the lovelier
your mother becomes.

If I had to choose
between the two,
I’d take Endora any day.

The man has come
to his senses at last.

He finally appreciates
the real me.

Mother, you’re back!

Naturally.

You didn’t think I’d stay away
and let that ridiculous excuse
for a warlock

exert his outrageous influence
on my grandchild, did you?

And I want to thank you
for your compliment, Darwin.

Darrin!

That’s right... Darwin.

Look at him.
He’s practically cakewalkling
down the street.

He’s such
an exhibitionist!

What am I going to do!
I don’t want to hurt
his feelings.

I love him.
But I can’t let him
take over Tabatha.

The chances
of that happening
have been eliminated.

They have?

How?
Your mother is here,
need I say more?

Yeah, yeah, much more!
What does that mean?

It means from
this moment on, I’m going
to watch over Tabatha

and protect her form that
over-animated orangutan.

What?
I’ve decided to move
into that house on the corner.

What corner?
That one.

The house on the corner
across the street.

There’s no house
on that corner.
It’s a vacant lot.

It was a vacant lot.
Look again.

Endora.
It has to be Endora.
Who else?

The Madame Lafarge
of all time.
I’ll fix her wagon.

You can’t just zap up
a house on a vacant lot.

That lot belongs to somebody.
Somebody owns in.

You can’t build on it
without a permit. Haven’t you
ever heard of a permit?

Never.

You have heard of City Hall,
the county assessors,
the tax department!

Oh, Samantha,
he does get so tiresome.

So do you, Mother.
When you won’t listen
to reason.

Don’t you have any idea
the trouble that can cause?

ARTHUR: Endora!

Well, we certainly missed you.
Long time, no see.

And we thought you said
you were leaving for good.

Any resemblance between
George Washington and myself
is purely coincidental.

Rumor hath it, you put
that house on the corner.

I put my house
on the corner.

Mother intends to live there.

Over his dead body.

Wait a minute.
Stop helping me.

You’re not going
to zap yourself
a roost around here

as long as I can help it.

That house goes.

Arthur, don’t annoy me.

I have spoken.
That house stays.
SAM: Now, Mother.

Uncle Arthur, please.
You cannot put that house
back there.

What would the neighbors say?
What would they think?

I don’t care
what the neighbors think.

Don’t worry, Sammy.
I won’t let her be a nuisance
to you and Tabatha.

Anything
Mother Hubbard can zap,
I can zap better.

Mother, please!
Now, wait a minute.

I can handle this.
Mother knows best.

(SCREAMS)

So, Little Boy Blue,

if it’s hostilities
you want,

it’s hostilities
you’ll get.

All right, Abner.
Now tell me I’m crazy.

Now tell me
I’m making things up.

There is a full-grown house
that grew up out of nowhere.
See for yourself.

Gladys, how can I see
for myself?
I’m in the doctor’s office.

I got news for you.
You’re checking over
the wrong person. Gladys.

Gladys? Gladys!

Take a couple of aspirins
and lie down.
I’ll be right home.

Which will give you
a fair idea
of the kind of a nut I am.

Abner, don’t you dare
hang up on me...
Ever again.

I’ve heard all
I care to hear.

Well, you’re gonna hear
a lot more, dimples.

Dimples?

Tabatha is
trying to take a nap,
or doesn’t anybody care?

I care.

And as far as I’m concerned,
there’s nothing
more to be said.

Are you all right,
sweetheart?
Oh, sure.

Other men have trouble
with the finance company,
the income tax department.

But not me!
I got it soft.

So resign yourself,
Charley Charming.

I have moved
into the neighborhood.

Resign yourself,
Sally Sunshine.

You have just moved out.

Okay, who’s fooling around?

I call it fooling around
when a house is
there one minute

and it’s gone the next,

when it never should have
been there in the first place.

Are you sure
you’re the police?

I was, right up until
you called, lady.

Okay, okay.
I’ll send somebody right over.

Okay, Sergeant, we go to
that address

and we investigate
a missing house, right.

A missing house?

That’s what I thought
you said he said.
I never argue.

(YELPS)
It’s back!
The house is back.

Ohh!

Is it back?

Of course it’s back.
Do you think you’re playing
with children?

I sorta hate to do it,
but, uh,

I guess I’ll have
to paste her.

Uncle Arthur, you wouldn’t!

Sam, leave him alone!

I mean,
stay out of it, dear.

That’s
an excellent suggestion.

Don’t you and Darwin
have something to do
somewhere else in the house?

Well, um,
Darrin, how about some tea?

I’ll heat the hot water.

Great idea.
Just what we need.
More hot water.

Thank goodness you’ve come.
Are you Mrs. Kravitz?

That’s right.
I’m the one who called.

This it?
That’s it. That’s the missing
house, only it came back.

You noticed?

I noticed.

Listen, Noel...

Don’t argue.

The thing is,
the house doesn’t belong here
in the first place.

That’s a vacant lot.

Oh, come on!

It sure is, lady.

I’ll check inside
with the lady. You call in
and check out the address.

Okay, lady?
Oh, yes.

Actually, this is
a very strange neighborhood.

But I can’t get anybody
to believe it,
not even my husband.

Don’t tempt me,
little man,
or I’ll evaporate you.

How’d you like to be
turned into a half pint
of sour cream?

(SNIFFS)

I smell sulfur.
Hmm.

Probably something
Mother said.
She can be very acid.

She can be a hurricane,
an eight-day flood.

Name your disaster,
that’s Endora.
As for Uncle Arthur...

I know it’s difficult.
But each in their own way,
they’re trying to help.

Help? Is this what
you call help?

Sam, we agreed.
Normal. Remember normal?

When we were first married,
we made a deal. We were going
to have a normal married life.

Didn’t you mean it?
I meant it.
That’s all I wanted.

That’s all I want now!
Shh. That’s all I want.

Problem is, they both
have equal power.

This could go on and on.
(SIGHS)

Hmm. Enough is enough.

Mother, Uncle Arthur?

Now listen to me,
both of you.
I have had it!

I beg your pardon?

I love you, Mother, but...

Hear that?
"But."

I don’t need any editorial
comments from you,
Uncle Arthur.

Anyway, you’re next!

Now, Mother, listen to me.

I will not have my home
turned into a reenactment
of the Civil War.

Did I make that plain?
I didn’t say, "I wish you
wouldn’t," or "I don’t want."

I said, "I will not"!

If you expect me
to apologize for something
your Uncle Arthur...

SAM: I am not asking
for an apology.
I am demanding privacy!

Now, I’ll admit
I’m a little bit torn

when we get into these
witches’ world vs. mortal
world battles.

I can see both sides
and I try to take both sides.

I try very hard
to be fair.

But sometimes you can try
so hard to be fair,
you end up being nothing!

As far as I’m concerned...
Well, in my opinion...

From now on,
I am taking sides.

I am showing favoritism,
plenty of it.

All of it in Darrin
and Tabatha’s direction,
right where it belongs.

She’s got spunk all right,
Endora.

Yes, of course.
She gets it from me.

I don’t care where I get it.
The point is,

if you’re going to fight,
you’re gonna have to fight
someplace else.

Either that
or stop fighting completely.

Really, Samantha!
Just like that?
(SNAPS FINGERS)

Yes. Just like that.
(SNAPS FINGERS)

Now, both of you,
kiss and make up.

Go on, kiss her!

Things aren’t that desperate.

I’m afraid they are.

Now, I am going to tell Darrin
that peace reigns supreme
one way or the other.

And when I come back here,
I want evidence of it!

(SIGHS)

What did you say?

What happened?
What have you been doing?

Bluffing.
No, no, I meant what I said,
all right.

The problem is, if they
don’t buy it, I don’t know
how I’m going to enforce it.

Frankly, I forget
who started it.

ENDORA: I remember.

You did.

No.

No, if memory serves me
correctly, it began...

Oh, Arthur, forget it.
It began
the day you were born.

Up until then,
I was an only child.

Endora, if it’s
any comfort to you,

I’ve always thought
of you as one.

Not only an only child,
an only...

Everything.

Why, Arthur.

ARTHUR:
You like that?
ENDORA: Why, yes, I do.

An only everything,

which is probably why
I tease you so unmercifully.

Out of sheer jealousy.

That’s probably it.

And for kicks.

No question about that.

What you’re leading up to
in your usual inadequate way,

is to do what Samantha asked,
try to get along.

I know the thought
is revolting, but...

Well, we could try,
I suppose.

We could start by
only seeing each other
when we are invisible.

This is a good idea.

ENDORA:
She’s right, you know.

We have been turning
her home into a civil war.

(CHUCKLES)
Remember the Civil War?

(LAUGHS)

Oh.
I was with General Lee.

I was with General Grant.

He had more booze.

Invisible?
Invisible.

And our separate ways?

You go yours,
I’ll go mine.
Fine.

First, we’ll have to divvy up.
Which half of the world
do you want?

Oh, that’s very
generous of you.

I’ll take the top.

Noel?

Hey, Noel!

NOEL: What is it, Floyd?
Come on in.

I’d just as soon
you came outside, Noel,
if it’s all the same to you.

Well, for what it’s worth,
it looks like they’re gone.

More important,
it feels like they’re gone.

My bluff must have worked!
How about that?

You know, sometimes
I even surprise myself.
Any idea where they’ve gone?

No. But the one thing
I’m sure of is
that wherever they did go,

they didn’t go together.

Forgive me, darling,
but they couldn’t go away
far enough

or stay away long enough
to suit me.

As a matter of fact,

I could do without a visit
from any one of your relatives
for say,

another two
or three thousand years.

You know...

Get ’em back.
Get them back!

Who?
Your mother,
Uncle Arthur, anybody.

It’s still there!
The house is still there
on the corner.

Oh, no!
Oh, yes!

And look who’s in front of it.
The police.

Well, some more of
Gladys Kravitz’s handiwork,
no doubt.

I’m telling you, Noel,
I checked with City Hall.
There isn’t any house here.

Did you tell them
there was?
Yes.

What did they say?
They like to argue.

They say there’s no permit,
no registration, no nothing.

They say, if anybody
did build a house here with
no permit or registration,

there’s gonna be
some trouble.

Come on, let’s go inside.
Inside?

Why?
So you can see
what I saw.

For a house that ain’t here,
it’s got a lot of things
going for it.

Hot and cold running water,
electricity, inside plumbing.

Come on.

Sam, are you sure you can make
the house disappear?

Certainly. As long
as Mother and Uncle Arthur
are out of the way,

there shouldn’t be
any problem.

Wait a minute.
What happens if you make
the house disappear

while the police
and Mrs. Kravitz are inside?

Oh, they will, too.
They will too what?

Disappear.
Disappear where?

Don’t answer that!
Okay?

As soon as they come out...

You know something,
I just figured it out.

I’m glad this house
showed up out of nowhere.

If it hadn’t,
I wouldn’t have reported it,

you wouldn’t have come out
and seen it, and nobody
would have believed it.

I’ve got a flash
for you.
What?

I still don’t
believe it.
Don’t argue.

(SCREAMS)

Oh, poor old Mrs. Kravitz.

You know, sometimes my heart
just goes right out to her.

I won’t say anything
if you won’t say anything.

About what?

29, 30, 31,
32, 33, 34, 35...

Honey, you or your mother
ever keep a family album?
No. Why?

I was just wondering.
Someday Tabatha is going
to grow old and gray,

and she just
might want to tell
her great-great-grandchildren

about her Uncle Arthur,
her Aunt Clara,
Endora, Maurice.

How is she ever going
to get them to believe her?

Simple.
She’ll just introduce them.

I had to ask.

If you don’t ask,
you’ll never learn.

Wonderful.
Alone at last.

(GIGGLES, SIGHS)
Alone.

I knew it, I knew it!

I knew when you said,
"You go your way
and I’ll go mine,"

I knew you’d
come sneaking back here.

Isn’t that exactly
what you had in mind?

Well, if you think I’m going
to let you stay around here
and have free rein,

particularly with
Halloween coming up!

Especially with Halloween
coming up.

You’re out of your
ever-loving nefarious mind.

You don’t trust me.

I don’t trust you.

Okay.
I got the picture.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)