All language subtitles for Bewitched S03E01 Nobodys Perfect_track3_[eng]

SAM: And we’re gonna take
one little bite.

There you go!
Isn’t that good?
Crunch.

Crunch, crunch, yeah!
It’s delicious.

Don’t forget, honey.
Call me from the doctor’s
office the minute he finishes.

Oh, but, darling, she’s only
having a checkup, and we know
she’s in perfect health.

The diaper rash.
Be sure and ask him
about the diaper rash.

I’ve been losing
a good deal of sleep
over that diaper rash.

Tabatha hasn’t.

And over-drooling.
As I see it,
she’s been over-drooling.

I’m surprised at you.

And be sure to tell him that
Phil Hooverback’s little girl
is potty-trained at 11 months.

That’s pretty precocious
training.

Darling, you’re so nervous,
you’re going to need a checkup
more than Tabatha.

Now, look at her.
Isn’t she fine?
Isn’t she beautiful?

She is beautiful,
and so are you.

Oh, thank you.

And I still want you to
call me the minute the doctor
finishes his checkup.

Yes, sir.

"Bye, Daddy."
Bye-bye, Daddy.

Good girl.

Mr. Stephens, please.

Hi, Darrin, it’s me.

I promised I’d call
as soon as Dr. Koblin
finished Tabatha’s exam.

Well, he says she’s...

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
I’ve got my list
right here somewhere,

Mixed up with this
miserable Robbins campaign.

Okay. Now,
what did he say about her...

Just a minute, sweetheart.

Dr. Koblin?
Hmm?

As one baby expert
to another,
please, do you mind?

Oh, why, certainly.
(CHUCKLES)

Here we go.
Darrin.

I’m happy to report
your daughter’s perfect
in every department.

Um, about this diaper rash...

Yes.

Wonderful.

Yes, I checked that
thoroughly.

Uh-huh. Excellent.

DARRIN: I have a feeling
she’s been over-drooling.
Oh, I checked that thoroughly.

And the potty-training?
A friend of ours...

Her little girl was
potty-trained at 11 months.

Is that...
KOBLIN: Excellent.
Couldn’t be better.

DARRIN: That was
my diagnosis exactly.

KOBLIN: I’m so happy
to have your confirmation,
"Dr. Stephens."

That’s right.

Darrin, she’s a perfectly
marvelous, sensational,
absolutely wonderful,

typical, average baby.

Good-bye.

Hi.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Now, Tabatha,
I want you to do that test,

And I certainly hope
you flunk it.

I think.

Now,

You can’t get
that pretty pony,
can you, Tabatha?

Can you get
the pretty pony?
Come-a.

(CHUCKLES) She can’t get
the pretty pony.

Pretty pony.
She can get the pretty pony.

Oh, just wait until
your father finds out.

Oh, what could be worse?

My mother finding out.
That could be worse.

Finding out what, dear?

Oh, Mother,
what a lovely surprise!

Oh, but right at
Tabatha’s nap time.
What a rotten shame.

Come on. Let’s let her
get to sleep.

Oh, if she’s going to sleep,
she needs her bottle.

What is going on here?

Oh, nothing, Mother.
Nothing at all.

Now, I didn’t use my power
to float that bottle
to Tabatha,

And I know you promised Darwin
to restrain yourself.

Now, that leaves only Tabatha.

Tabatha! Is that
what’s going on here?

Oh, how utterly,
utterly divine!

Put the bottle down, dear,
and come to Grandmama.

Oh, you little dear!
Welcome to the fold!

Mother...
What?

Uh, mother?
What?

Maybe it’s just a fluke.
Fluke?

In our family?
Oh, don’t be absurd.

Well...
Darwin.

That’s what it is.

Ah, he doesn’t know?
You haven’t told him yet?

Oh, how delicious.
(CHUCKLES)

Darling, let Mother
tell him for you.
It will be quite fitting.

No, mother, no.
Absolutely not.

I want to prepare Darrin
to get him used to the idea.

And when he is used
to the idea, then I want
to tell him myself.

Now, I mean it. Until I do
tell Darrin otherwise,

Tabatha is just
a typical, average baby,

just like the doctor said.

That’s what the doctor said,

"Your baby is perfect
in every department,

"wonderful, marvelous,
sensational."

I could say more,
but I don’t like to brag.
Really?

It’s not noticeable.

But let me tell you
what another man said,
our client, Mr. Robbins.

He said this campaign
is no good!

"No good"?

I’ve been working
night and day for three
solid weeks on this account.

I haven’t been home to dinner.
I haven’t seen my wife
or daughter.

I know it, Darrin.
That’s why I want you
to take the afternoon off.

Take the afternoon off?
Sure!

Go home, see your wife
and daughter. Rest, relax,
get a new lease on life.

In one afternoon.

Yeah, on account of Robbins
is coming to town tonight,

and I’m bringing him over
to your place for cocktails...

So you can get a better feel
of the kind of image
his firm wants.

I see.

You want me
to take the afternoon off
to rest and relax,

Get to know
my wife and daughter,
get a new lease on life,

So I can slave night and day
for another
three weeks or more.

Right?
Right.

All right, Larry.

If you want to make
a physical wreck out of a
perfect-in-every-department

baby’s father,
well, that’s okay with me.

Mother?
Yes, dear.

Larry’s bringing a client over
for cocktails.

I’ve got to run out
and get some hors d’oeuvres.

Well, Tabatha and I
will be just fine alone, dear.

Well, you won’t be alone
for long, Mother.

Darrin’s going to be
home early.

And if he gets here
before I get back, remember,

now remember, not one word
about Tabatha being a...

Um, uh, you know.

The word’s "witch," dear.

Hey. Behave yourself.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Ah, Tabatha, my dear,

We’re finally alone.

Let’s have some fun, huh?

Now, watch Grandmama now.

Peekaboo!

Peekaboo!

Tabatha. Tabatha,

Do you think you could do
that fun trick for Grandmama?

Go on. Try, dear.

Funny.
Go on. Try harder.

Very well.
Come to think of it,

Your own mama couldn’t
disappear past her knees
until she was five.

Well, let’s see now.

Let’s see now, hmm?

Ah! That’s it!

Let’s see if Grandmama’s
little darling has developed
basic topsy-turvy.

Shall we, huh?
Look.

Watch the lamp.

See it?

There.
Now, flip it back.

There. Oh!
Hex it for Grandmama.

Hex it for Grandmama.

Well, I guess the lamp
is too heavy
for your little hand.

Now, Tabatha,

Now, pretty, pretty.

Let’s try this
little dish, huh?

Now, watch the little dish.

There. Yes.

Oh.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Honey, I’m home!

Hi, Endora.
When did you swoop in?

Is that any way to greet
your daughter’s Grandmama?

Oh, sorry.
Hi, Granny.

And how is Gaddy’s
little girl? (LAUGHS)
Out! Out!

Did you hear she passed
her pediatrician checkup
with flying colors?

Oh, she’s quite
a little girl, all right.
Where’s Samantha?

She went to the store
to get hors d’oeuvres

or something equally foolish
for your client.

Yes. He and Larry are
coming over this evening.

She’d never have to do such
menial things if she didn’t
have a mortal for a husband.

Oh, she could arrange
a cocktail party
just like that.

(CHUCKLING)
How dare you?

How dare I what?
What? What?

How dare you what,
what, what?
How dare you...

How dare you perform
feats of M-A-G-I-C
in front of my daughter?

(SCOFFS)
I guess I lost my H-E-A-D.

Endora, this is
a serious matter.

These are Tabatha’s
formative years,

and I don’t want
her normal little psyche
scarred with M-A-G-I-C.

And another thing.
When you’re left
to mind Tabatha,

don’t put so many toys
in her playpen.

Why, she loves a lot of toys.

I know what’s best
for my daughter.

Now, cut that out!
I didn’t do it!

Oh, then explain how
such a thing could happen.

Oh, you’re getting
much too clever.

I can’t fool you at all
anymore, can I, dumbo?

Darrin!
Oh, yes.

Whatever you say.
Excuse Daddy for
losing his temper, sweetheart,

But I’m the one guy
in the world
who can say without malice...

His Mother-in-law is
a W-I-T-C-H!

Oh, he can spell it out
till the cows come home,

but we both know
what we are,
don’t we, Tabatha?

Get the pony!

That’s a girl!
(LAUGHS)

That’s a girl.
That’s Grandmama’s
little girl.

Purity, Darrin.
I am looking for purity

and something soft and
something absolutely innocent.

Well, purity and innocence are
fine, but how are they gonna
help sell transmissions?

I don’t know.
All I know is the Robbins firm
wants to change its image.

We’ll let our competitors
shove transmissions
down the buyers’ throats.

We don’t find that
palatable.

Mark, I’m sure Darrin can come
up with the campaign you want.

Sam, how’s Tabatha?

Oh, she’s fine.
I’d let you take a peek
at her, but she’s asleep.

She’s wide awake.
I was just up there.
You wanna see her?

ROBBINS: Well, sure,
that sounds fine.
Oh, now, Darrin,

Larry saw the baby
just three days ago,

and I know that
Mr. Robbins isn’t interested.

That was before
the doctor said she was
perfect, absolutely perfect.

Darrin, he didn’t mean that
literally.

No baby’s absolutely perfect.

Argue with the doctor.
He’s the one who said it.

Come on.
Let’s go up there and
put her through her tricks.

Tricks? But, uh, uh...

Come on, honey.

(STAMMERING)
Well, all right.

Look at that face.

I’ve been told
she looks like me.
Maybe not through the ears,

But there’s
a strong resemblance.

Look at that face!

Don’t you see?
That’s our new image...

Softness, purity,
absolute innocence.

Hey.
I know what you mean.

And don’t forget beauty.

Yes. Yes, indeed.
Right.

And these are areas that
have never been associated
with truck transmissions.

It’s a very original idea.

ROBBINS: Just picture,

Tabatha’s face
plastered on billboards
all over the country,

With a caption reading,

"A Robbins transmission
makes you feel

"almost shiftless."

I think we can iron out
that slogan, Mark.

Uh, yes, and I’ll arrange
an appointment for Tabatha
with the agency photographer.

But I don’t think...
ROBBINS:
No, no, no.

We don’t want just any
agency photographer.

There’s just one man
who can do justice
to that face.

But I really don’t think...

LARRY:
Diego Fenman?
ROBBINS: Who else?

Can you get him?
Certainly!

Only about the greatest
baby photographer
in the world!

Sam, imagine Tabatha being
photographed by Diego Fenman!
How about that?

Well, I’m afraid
we can’t do that.
Why?

Um, well, you know
what they say happens

to babies who go into
modeling or show business.

They get their picture
all over everything,

they start believing
their own press clippings,

and they bounce
from marriage to marriage.

Sam, at her age,
she won’t even know
what she’s doing.

With a face like Tabatha,
we’ve got a winning campaign.

You really think she’s cute,
don’t you, Mark?

Like he said, she’s a doll.

Maybe she’s got one of those
faces that photograph fat
or something.

Sam, I’d like to
go through with this.
Well, if you ask me...

Fine! I’ll call Diego Fenman

and set up an appointment
for Tabatha
early Saturday morning.

Great! Honey,

I’ll bet we are the only
father-and-daughter

advertising team
in the country.

That calls for a drink.
Absolutely. Come on, Mark.

There, sweetheart.
Now, you go to sleep.
I’ll take your pony.

Oh, Mark!

Good night, sweetheart.
Sleep tight.
Tomorrow’s the big day.

Tomorrow?
Big day.

Coming, sweetheart?
In a minute.

Now, Tabatha, you have
to be good tomorrow.

Yeah.

Because I can’t stop them
from using you
in the campaign.

Not when it means so much
to your daddy.

And I can’t tell your daddy
about you,

because then he’d be afraid
to let them use you
in the campaign.

No!

Now, that’s what I mean.
You’re gonna have to be good.

Funny.

Oh, I know.

I know what a wonderful
feeling it is to be part
of the magical life,

to have so much
at your fingertips.

But we’re living in a world
that just isn’t quite
used to people like us,

And I’m afraid
they never will be.

So I’m going to have to be
very firm with you.

You’re going to have to
learn when you can use
your witchcraft,

and when you can’t.

Now, your wonderful daddy
wants us to be
just plain people,

so you’re gonna have to stop
wiggling your fingers
whenever you want anything...

(GASPS)
Tabatha!

You twitched your nose!
Just like mommy!

Oh, you are your mother’s
daughter, all right.

Oh, how charming.

when every other mother
in the world is
telling her child,

"Mustn’t touch,"

you’ll be saying,
"Mustn’t twitch."
Mother, cut that out!

Oh, we must tell Darwin.

Let’s go in and watch him
fall on the floor
in an emotional heap.

No, Mother, I will tell him
myself, and it’s going to be
hard enough

without you adding
your gloating little zingers.

Bye-bye, Mother.
Oh, you sure know how
to take the fun out of things.

I must have learned it
from you.

Phew!

Well, Tabatha,
wish me luck.

This is going to be
the hardest little speech

ever delivered
in the history of a marriage.

(COOING)

Let me see.

"Darrin, Tabatha is a witch."

No. No, that’s too abrupt.

Let’s see. How about,

"Darrin, I have
something to tell you

"that I don’t think will
exactly be a thrill"?

No. That’s too chicken.

Maybe I can write him a note.

No. I’ll tell him
first thing in the morning.

So, you see, Darrin,
it’s really nothing.

All it amounts to is
that Tabatha is a witch.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

(YAWNS) Oh.

Darrin?

Oh...

Darrin!

(GASPS)

"Dear Sam,

"Tabatha and I have gone
to the photographer’s studio.

"We wanted to let you sleep.
Don’t worry, everything will
be fine. Love, Darrin."

Oh, disaster time!

Photographer’s studio.

All right, gentlemen,
I’m in the mood now.
So are we.

Hi, Darrin, Larry,
Mr. Robbins.
Sam.

Oh, boy, am I glad I got here.

Tabatha’s just about
to going front of the camera.

Oh, well, I’ll go with her.
She’ll need her mommy.

Uh-uh-uh.
Diego Fenman works alone.

Samantha, this is
Diego Fenman,
the master photographer.

The Michelangelo
of the portrait world.

An artist in the truest
sense of the word.
A Rembrandt if ever there...

Oh, my, I’m glad to meet you,
Mr. Fenman.
Thank you.

Uh, wouldn’t you like me
to go in there with you?

Oh, no.

An audience tends to freeze
my creative flow.

Um...
Mustn’t freeze his flow.

Darrin, do something.
About what?

Sam, I assure you that
Diego Fenman is an expert
at handling children.

Oh, but Tabatha’s different.

Mrs. Stephens, you’ll be
very pleased with the results.

Diego works magic
with a camera.

Yes, but so does...

Works magic with a camera,
huh?

(CHUCKLES)
That’s nice.

See that nice bearsy there?

All right now, Tabatha,
you make cutesy
for Uncle Diego.

Watch the pretty pony.

Uncle Diego ought to lay off
the funny water when
he’s gotta work the next day.

Watch the pony!

I knew I had problems,
but wait till my analyst
hears about this!

How long are they gonna
be in there?
Honey, relax.

Diego’s very thorough,
Mrs. Stephens.

Why, the man’s
very nearly a genius.

He just wants to get a perfect
pose for the ad campaign, Sam.

I’m sure Tabatha’s fine.

All right, now.
Make cutesy for Uncle Diego.

There we go.

Diego’s gone flipsy again.

The whole brain
is falling right out
the back of the head.

I’ve gotta peek.
(LAUGHING)
Honey, go ahead.

Anxious mothers.

I can stand it no longer.

(GROANING)

Tabatha, come on. Up.

What happened?
You wouldn’t believe it.

My analyst will not
believe it,
but I believe it.

I’ve seen it! I mean,
I saw it with my own eyes.

Diego, did you get
any pictures?

I got all kinds of pictures.

I got floating
stuffed octopus pictures,

and bouncy
rubber ball pictures and...

She did it.

She’s the one
who did it to me.
Oh, take her away!

Put her away!

That is one nutty baby!

DARRIN: Wait a minute!

Are you trying to blame
this silly display of emotion
on my daughter?

A helpless one-year-old?
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself!

I ought to be ashamed?
She ought to be ashamed!

You talk to her.
You do something with her.

I’ve tried everything,
my charm,
my exuberant personality.

I even used my pretty picture
of a pretty pony.

That pretty picture has amused
every single child

I have ever worked with
except her!

Oh, I tell you,
she did this to me!

Funny.

Come on, Sam.

I don’t have much patience
with a person
who abuses babies.

Or with babies
who abuse photographers.

Now, mustn’t twitch!

Please!

Honey!

(SIGHS)

Wow, Mr. Fenman sure took
a lot of pictures.

I didn’t think he had time.

You should have heard
Larry and Mark. They really
flipped over the results.

This is the one
we’re going to use
to launch the ad campaign.

Oh, Darrin,
isn’t that cute?

You can say what you want,

but Diego Fenman,
he still is pretty close
to being a genius.

What do you mean?
Well, look at this.

This is the most amazing
trick photography
I’ve ever seen.

Do you see any wires?

No.

No, I can’t say that I do.

Anybody would think
that that toy octopus was
actually suspended in midair.

Hmm. Certainly would.

Now, aren’t you glad
you let him
take the pictures?

You were just worrying
for nothing.
Yes, darling.

You have a beautiful,
wonderful daughter,

and I hope she grows up
to be just like you.
(CHUCKLES)

Something tells me
you’re gonna get your wish.

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)