All language subtitles for Bewitched S02E28 Double Split 1080p AI Upscale DVD x265 HEVC 10bit AC3-Vertag_track3_[und]

You almost ready, honey?

SAMANTHA:
Right there.

We don't want to be late.

I promised Larry we'd
be there at 7 sharp.

We will be.

I don't mean to rush you,
sweetheart.

It's just that
it takes women longer

to get dressed
than it does men.

Uh-huh.

Oh! And, honey,
be particularly nice

to Miss Kabaker,
will you?

I'll kill her
with kindness.

You know what an important
client Mr. Kabaker is.

And his daughter carries
a lot of weight with him.

I understand.

So if she has a good time,
then he will too.

Of course.

It'll mean a lot
to Larry and the agency.

Well, how are you doing,
sweetheart?

We better get going.

Oh, I'm hurrying, sweetheart.

Hey, you're getting faster.

I only beat you
by a handkerchief.

I saved a lot of time

by taking a shower
with my dress on.

Well, let's go.
Darrin.

Hm?

[♪♪♪]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Nice party, isn't it?

I'll say.

Another mad whirl
with the jet set.

Mind if we borrow you
for a moment, J.K.?

Oh, excuse me, dear.

We'll bring your father
right back, Miss Kabaker.

It's just a little
dull business.

[SIGHS]

So is this party.

I'm sure it always
seems that way

when you don't know
many people.

That's why I hate
affairs like this.

Just because somebody handles
your father's account,

you have to mingle like
you had something in common.

It must be
very trying.

But you certainly chose
a lovely dress for the occasion.

It's not difficult when one
has taste, Mrs. Stubbins.

Stephens.

My compliments on your dress,
Mrs. Stephens.

Oh, thank you.

It's really difficult to tell
those inexpensive copies

from the originals nowadays.

Do you know
Dr. Hafta, dear?

I beg your pardon.

Dr. Hafta,
the plastic surgeon.

Does beautiful nose work.

No, I don't know him.

It's funny. I could've
sworn when you--

Oh, well. Excuse me.

No, thank you.

Uh--

What's the matter,
darling?

You look like
Darrin just canceled

all your charge accounts.

I shouldn't let it
bother me, I guess.

That Miss Kabaker's
the most disagreeable

little snob I've ever met.

Well, cheer up!

There's always a sour meatball
in the chafing dish.

Maybe she'll get it.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

[MOUTHS]
Please?

[SIGHS]

Have you tried
the meatballs?

No, I never
eat them myself.

Oh. Heh.

Well, I hope I'll be
seeing more of you.

Maybe we could get together
for lunch some afternoon.

You think about food a lot,
don't you?

Well, no, I--

I wish I could be like you.

Carefree, not give a darn
what my figure looks like.

[SQUEALS]

MISS KABAKER:
Oh!

What's the matter?

You threw it at me!

Oh!
Goodness!

Oh! She did it!

She deliberately
threw that at me!

Never mind, daughter.
I'll take you home.

Really, Larry.

The conduct of some
of your guests leaves

a lot to be desired.

I-I-I'm sorry,
J.K.

I-I'm sure
Mrs. Stephens

wouldn't do
anything like that.

It was an accident.

Uh...

"Nothing," she says.

One little favor
I ask you to do.

And what do you do?

You wiggle that
beak of yours

and really
cause trouble!

Ooh! The least
you could've done

was ignore her.

You're a great little
helpmate, you are.

Always anxious to help
your husband's career.

Darrin, you didn't speak to me
all the way home in the car.

Would you please show me
the same courtesy now?

Gladly.

Good night!

Good night.

And another thing.

I'll tell you when
we're not talking.

I wear the pants
in this family.

Says you.

Says me!

And I'll say
one more thing.

What?!

Now we're not talking!

Now you're talking.

Ooh!

Hi, Larry.

I, uh, guess you're still
pretty upset about last night.

I passed "upset"
at 3:00 this morning.

Right now,
I'm up to homicidal.

Mr. Kabaker was pretty mad
last night.

I wonder what he's
thinking this morning.

I know what I'm thinking.

But I'm too much
of a gentleman

to use certain phrases
about a woman.

So let's put it this way.

If I saw that your wife
was going to be hit

by a falling safe,
I'd just stand there and smile.

Larry, that's not very nice.

I passed "nice" at 2:00
this morning,

right after Kabaker phoned
to cancel the account.

Fortunately, I was able
to talk him out of it.

Well, I'm sorry
about that, Larry,

but Sam was provoked
into doing what she did.

It was thoughtless
and inexcusable!

A child would've
had more sense.

Wait a minute!

Kabaker's daughter deserved it.

She's a sarcastic snob.

And her father ought
to wash out her mouth

with some of that
crummy detergent he makes.

That crummy detergent happens
to keep us in business.

Sure, Miss Kabaker
can do no wrong

as long as her father's got
wall-to-wall money!

If you were
a billionaire,

Samantha still acted
like a child!

Oh, yeah?!
Yeah!

At least she could've
used a little discretion,

like my wife.

Larry.

I've got news for you.

That wife of yours has come up
with a few nuggets herself.

Oh, really?

I mean, if we're
talking about boners,

let's get all the names
on the list.

Name me just one boner that
Louise ever pulled. Just one.

There was the time she thought

the client's wife
was his mother,

the time she forgot
the theater tickets,

and--
I said one.

So don't go making cracks
about my wife.

Just worry about that cuckoo
that you're married to.

Well, if Louise
is such a drag,

you don't have to associate
with her anymore.

Agreed.

And you can consider
Samantha off-limits too.

In fact you don't have
to associate with me anymore.

Well, let's add my vote
to that proposal

and make it unanimous!

Great!

You keep your big, flat feet

out of my office,

and I'll keep mine
out of yours.

I'll go you one better.

I'll keep my feet and everything
that's attached to them

out of the entire building!

I quit!
Good!

You just saved me
two weeks' severance pay.

Cheap.

Cheap! Cheap!

[MUTTERS]

Hi.

I thought
I heard you come in.

What are you doing
home so early?

I got sick.

Sick?

Of working.
I quit!

Quit?

Quit!

Evacuated the premises!

Ceased working!
Hit the road!

What happened?

Oh, I shouldn't be
telling you this.

Why not?

Because we're not
talking!

Well, if we were talking,

did it have anything to do
with what happened last night?

Well, Larry and I got
into an argument,

and he said some things
about you I didn't like.

You said some pretty unkind
things about me yourself.

That's different.
I'm your husband.

Well, I appreciate
your defending me.

But whatever he said,
he was right.

And so are you.

I should've had
more control last night.

Well, Kabaker's daughter
deserved it.

Well, I still
could've ignored her.

I wouldn't let you
ignore her.

You did the right thing.

Darrin, when you pick a side,
will you please stick with it?

Now, it's all over
and done with.

I've already got
another job lined up,

and I've got to hurry
over to an interview.

Another job?

Darrin, that's ridiculous.

Ridiculous?

The Ames Advertising has had
feelers out for me

for a long time.

Well, they're gonna
get me.

I hope you don't get it.

[CLOSES DRAWER]

I can't miss.

I'm the perfect man
for the job.

Louise, it's ridiculous.

Larry and Darrin are simply
being stubborn.

Now, we have to figure out
a way to get them together.

Agreed.

Larry always did have
a stubborn streak.

Like when we were dating,

I knew that
if I was the first

to mention the word
"marriage," I was dead.

How'd you finally
get the idea across?

Well, one night
he blew a smoke ring,

I stuck my finger
through it and said, "I do."

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, men are such
little boys, really.

They don't know
what's good for them.

Right. And it's up to us
to show them that

they can live happy,
contented lives,

even if it makes them
miserable.

So how do we get
our two mules together

when they're not even talking?

Do you have any ideas?

Mm-hm.

Oh, it's very simple, really.

The way to unite people
is to give them a common enemy.

Oh, I'll buy that.

Now, in Darrin and Larry's case,
the common enemy will be us.

Us?

You mean a war of the sexes?

Oh, no, no.
Not an all-out war.

Just a skirmish.

We'll not only
get them together,

we'll teach them a lesson.

So, what's your plan?

I can't wait to hear it.

Well--
Oh, I just had
a terrible thought.

What?

It's too late.

You said Darrin was
taking that other job.

Oh, um...I wouldn't
worry about that.

Darrin doesn't have a chance
of landing that job

with Ames Advertising.

How can you be so sure?

I'm a witch.

You said it, honey.
I didn't.

[CHUCKLES]

How about that?

Well... Stephens, I'm very glad
you could get in to see us.

Was the traffic bad?

No. Actually I came in
on the choo-choo.

Choo-choo?

I meant, the train.

I hadn't eaten,
so it gave me a chance

to relax and, uh,
have my din-din.

Ah, I see.

Uh, food's really
quite good.

'Course nobody
can cook like my mummy--

Mommy--

[STAMMERING]
Mother.

Uh-- She really knows
how to fill your tum-tum.

Yes.

Stephens, your credentials
are most impressive.

You know, I always say

that all horses
have teeth and a tail.

But it's that old track record
that makes thoroughbreds.

Stephens?

Mm?

What are you doing?

I'm sucking my thumb.

Sucking your thumb.

Uh, yes, I've always sucked
my thumb when I'm afraid.

You're joking.

Oh, no, no.

I wish I had my teddy bear.

Mr. Stephens, I'm sorry,
but this interview is over.

Oh, oh, Mr. Ames,
I-I-I don't know what to say.

This isn't me!

I don't care!

Whoever it is,
his interview is at an end!

Mr. Ames, please,
if you'll just let me explain.

There's some reason
for this going on--

I made a boo-boo.

Get out of my sight!

Mr. Ames, uh,

it's like some strange force
got ahold of me.

It's--

Uh--
Samantha!

Out!

I believe this is yours.

[GURGLING]

♪ Rock-a-bye baby
On a tree top ♪

♪ When the wind blows
The cradle will rock ♪

[DOOR OPENS]
DARRIN:
Samantha!

[DOOR SLAMS]

♪ I have a strong feeling
Bad words will fly ♪

♪ Your daddy just came home
With blood in his eyes ♪

Samantha,
where are you?!

Well, Tabatha,
time for beddy-bye.

Now, I'm gonna do
something to your daddy

that you're too little
to understand.

But it's for his own good.

Sam!

Wish me luck.

Sam, where are you?!
Come out here and face me!

Yes?

You've been sticking
that magic nose of yours

where it doesn't belong again.
Don't try to deny it!

All right, I won't.

Come on, Sam, don't make me
drag it outta you.

Just--

You admit it?

I only did it to save you

from making the biggest
mistake of your life.

That I did
on a day long ago,

which we now laughingly
call our anniversary.

Go ahead. Rave on.

Let me know when the steam
comes out of your nose.

You can help me
with the ironing.

When will you learn to stop
meddling in my business?

When you learn
to conduct it better.

Oh, well, I can't be
doing too bad.

You've got a lovely house,
a nice car, lovely clothes.

But to you, I suppose,
I'm still a big dumb-head!

I didn't say that.

But you're thinking it.
Go ahead. Out with it.

Oh, really, Darrin.
Go ahead. Say it.

Okay.

You're a big dumb-head!

You're calling me names now.

Well, when you talk like that,
you are a dumb-head.

And I'll tell you
one more--

Hold it! Hold it!

Stop the world.

We are about to get the word
from the high lama.

If you had any sense at all,
you would get down on your hands

and knees and crawl back
to Larry Tate

and beg his forgiveness.

Me, crawl?

Well, we both know that
without him you'd be nothing.

He taught you
everything you know.

He taught me?

Well, that does it!
That really does it!

If you'll excuse me,
I have to fix dinner.

Well, don't bother
setting a place for me,

because I'll be eating out.

Good.
More for me.

And don't bother turning down
my side of the bed,

because I'll be
sleeping on the sofa.

As long as you're eating out,
why don't you sleep out too.

What?

Sam, this isn't like you.

It is now.

Well, then I'll do
just that.

As of now, my address
is the club.

What do you think of that?

I think I better
call you a cab.

I'll need the car
for shopping.

Louise?

Anybody home?

Hi, dear.

I know all about it.

I spoke to Samantha.

Figures.

You know, it's none
of my business,

but I think you're being
stubborn about this whole thing.

I agree.

That you're
being stubborn?

That it's none
of your business.

You got a bicarbonate?

I've got a knot in my stomach.

You've also got one
in your head.

Well, I've got news for you,
tinted top.

I run my business
the way I see fit.

And I don't need any suggestions
from the corset crowd.

Be my guest, Snow White.

And let me drop another thought
on your pointed little ears.

Some men are fortunate enough
to have wives

that are understanding
and sympathetic.

After a hard day
in the rat race,

they don't have to come home
to a mouse that roars.

I believe the last word
is my prerogative.

So I'll take it.

If I were you, I'd crawl
to Darrin on my hands and knees

and beg his forgiveness.

Me, crawl?

Oh, come on, Larry.

We both know
it's his brilliant mind

that made you everything
you are today.

Without him,
you'd be nothing.

Are you serious?

Well, let's face it.

I married you, Larry,
but you're not

the smartest man
in the world.

Louise.

Yes?

Louise.

You want to try for double
or nothing on my last name?

The discussion is at an end.

Fine. I'll get dinner.

Or would you prefer
to eat out?

That's the best idea
you've had in years.

Nag, nag, nag.

Yackety-yak-yak.

Well, if you feel
that way about it,

you'd be better off

where you can't hear
my voice at all.

Louise, you're driving me
to the club.

I don't have time.

Here are your keys.

Drive yourself.

[PHONE RINGS]

Desk.

Could you tell me
if Mr. Darrin Stephens

has checked in yet?

He has.

Ah. What room is he in?

He's in 909.

Would you like me to ring him?

Oh, no.
No, don't bother.

Oh, Mr. Larry Tate
will be arriving very soon.

I'm sure you'll
make him comfortable.

Eddie, can I have
a room for the night?

Yes, sir, Mr. Tate.
Room 909.

I'll ring for a bellboy.

Don't bother.

[♪♪♪]

Larry!

What are you doing here?

I might ask you
the same question.

It's none of your business.

Obviously they got
our rooms mixed up.

I'll get another one.

Don't tell me you had
a fight with Louise.

That's my business.

I suppose you had
a fight with Samantha.

That's my business!

What's the matter
with you, Larry?

How could you walk out
on a great girl like Louise?

And how could you run out
on a marvelous girl

like Samantha?

I thought you didn't
like Samantha.

I thought you didn't
like Louise.

What gave you that idea?
Your big mouth.

I only said those things
in anger.

You should've
known that.
So did I.

And if you weren't
so thick-headed,

you'd know I'm crazy
about Sam.

Larry, we're a couple
of numskulls.

[SNORTS]

You said it.

I'm sorry, Lar--
I'm sorry--

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

Well, now we can enjoy

our newfound
bachelorhood together.

Right.

Ah, freedom!
It's wonderful!

It's marvelous!

Do anything we want.

No one to answer to.

Play poker.
Go bowling.

Golf every weekend.

More time at the club.

Yeah.

[SIGHS]

I hate poker
and bowling.

Golf gives me the hives.

This place is depressing.

Darrin?

Yeah?

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

I think so.

Last one packed
pays for the room!

Wouldn't you know it.
Louise's car.

Figures.

She was miserable
at home without me.

Poor kids.
Hm.

Must be crying
on each other's shoulders.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, thanks,
Larry.

You're welcome.

Well, look who's back.

The freedom fighters.

Have some champagne.

We're celebrating.

Louise, we're going home.

Oh, really, Larry.

Louise.

Tsk.
Nag, nag, nag.

Louise...
Yeah.

Don't forget
your Ouija board.

Wasn't that fun?
Fascinating.

Good night, Samantha.

Night, Darrin.

Night, Larry.
Louise.

Night, Samantha.
Night, Larry.

Did I just detect a sly smile
on your upper lip?

Smile?

It suddenly occurs
to me

that it's more than
coincidence

that Larry and I left
our houses at the same time

and ended up
in the same room.

Stranger things
have happened.

Especially
in this house.

And I'll tell you
something else.

If you've been meddling
with your witchcraft again...

I couldn't care less.

Now, let me
tell you something.

If you think you can
walk back through that door

and all is forgiven,

you're absolutely...right.

Sam, isn't it amazing
how stupid a man can be?

[GIGGLES]

Oh, yes.

You certainly were,
sweetheart.

I meant Larry.

[♪♪♪]