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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:03,936 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,637 [PHONE RINGS] 3 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,676 Hello. 4 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,144 Oh, hi, Sally. 5 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,746 I was wondering where you were. 6 00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:15,881 [CRYING] 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,817 Oh, hang on just a minute, will you? 8 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,153 I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you're hungry. 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,221 I'll feed you in a minute. 10 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,990 Uh, hello. 11 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,992 Yes, you'll have to speak a little louder. 12 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,061 The baby's crying. 13 00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,796 You can't? 14 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:34,166 Oh, Sally, I was depending on you. 15 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,502 Well, I am sorry. 16 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,337 How about your sister? 17 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,739 Oh, yes, I understand. 18 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,642 I hope you both feel better soon. 19 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:46,378 Bye-bye. 20 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,248 Where did you get that bottle? 21 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,050 Really, Samantha! 22 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:52,351 Where do you think she got it? 23 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,386 Oh, well, thank goodness. 24 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,523 For one terrible moment, I thought maybe Tabatha had... 25 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,425 Well, you never know. 26 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,660 [♪♪♪] 27 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,933 [♪♪♪] 28 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:48,173 [♪♪♪] 29 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,579 [♪♪♪] 30 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,380 Thank you. 31 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:58,016 Well, that's the last of them. 32 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,752 I've tried every babysitter I know. 33 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,387 I have a lunch date with Darrin 34 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,655 and a very important client 35 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,091 who insists upon meeting everybody's wives. 36 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,893 Well, if you really want to go out to lunch, 37 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:08,994 why don't you toddle off? 38 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,462 I'll stay here with Tabatha. 39 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,897 [SIGHS] 40 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,398 No, Mother. I I better not. 41 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,335 Thank you for offering, though. 42 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,837 What do you mean, you'd better not? 43 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:21,373 You've never stayed with Tabatha before. 44 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:24,343 Well, although this may come as a surprise, Samantha, 45 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,645 I'm not a complete stranger to babies. 46 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:30,415 You, as I recall, were once one yourself. 47 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:34,219 Don't you trust me, Samantha? 48 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:35,721 Of course I do. 49 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,523 Doesn't Dagwood trust me? 50 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:38,824 Well... 51 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:41,527 Oh! That presumptuous mortal. 52 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:44,530 Refusing to let me babysit with my own flesh and blood. 53 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,698 All right, Mother, all right. I'm sorry. 54 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,033 Of course you can stay. 55 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,868 Marvelous. 56 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,171 Do tell Dorian. 57 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,006 It's sure to ruin his lunch. 58 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,641 It's Darian! 59 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:56,808 Uh, Doria-- 60 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:57,876 Darrin. 61 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,279 And I'll do nothing of the kind. 62 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,548 Now, Mother, promise me... 63 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,550 no funny business. 64 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:06,585 Witch's honor. 65 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,353 I promise, angel. 66 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,555 [TABATHA CRIES] 67 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,256 That's a... 68 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:14,193 That's a nice little girl. 69 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:18,897 And the beautiful, charming, kindly witch, 70 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:23,101 said to the nasty, old Snow White, 71 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:27,072 "Here is a lovely apple." 72 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:29,107 Oh, don't kick, darling. 73 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:32,311 Now, listen, we're trying to make you much more comfortable. 74 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,478 That's a girl. 75 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,513 [DOORBELL RINGS] 76 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,381 Come... 77 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,920 Come in! 78 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:47,526 Oh, Mrs. Stephens, the most remarkable thing happened. 79 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,796 I was just feeding little Edgar, 80 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,864 the sweetums, and you know what he did? 81 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,968 He grabbed the spoon-- Oh, it's you. 82 00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:58,337 I thought Mrs. Stephens was here. 83 00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,738 Well, Samantha isn't here. 84 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:04,042 Mrs. Kravitz, do you know how to change a diaper? 85 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,845 I was just leaving. 86 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,250 What an adorable baby. 87 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,551 I'll hold him while-- 88 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,519 Oh, he doesn't like to be held. 89 00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:18,023 Oh. Well, then, just set the little darling right here, 90 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,825 and I'll watch him. 91 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:24,096 Well, he doesn't like to be touched, either. 92 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,831 ENDORA: Very well, just as you say. 93 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,600 Ohhh... 94 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,737 Hello, cutie. 95 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:36,341 Is Auntie Gladys going to change you, huh? 96 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,311 I suppose you're wondering why I came in with a baby. 97 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,579 No. 98 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:43,081 Edgar is Edna's child. 99 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,216 Edna is my sister. 100 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:49,121 Edgar was born the very same week as Tabatha. 101 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,657 Oh, but they're completely different. 102 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,593 How nice, considering he's a boy. 103 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,529 Oh, no, I mean really different. 104 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,231 Well, I wouldn't be surprised. 105 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,867 Edgar is much more advanced. 106 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:07,105 Aren't you? Aren't you? You little Einstein, you! 107 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:10,842 You see, my sister's husband is a CPA, 108 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,744 and you know how smart they are. 109 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,414 So naturally Edgar is much farther along 110 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,549 than other babies his own age. 111 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,618 Now, take Tabatha. 112 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,354 Edgar was crawling almost a week before-- 113 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:23,889 Ow! 114 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,590 Ooh! 115 00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,992 I pricked myself. 116 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,194 Oh, I'm so sorry. 117 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:32,297 Yes, but I wasn't even near a pin. 118 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,066 I'd finished. 119 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:38,637 Oh, don't you worry, sweetums. 120 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:42,574 You'll clench your fist, and you'll gurgle and laugh 121 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:46,778 and eat with a spoon just like Edgar. 122 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:52,851 Now that Auntie Gladys has made you all comfy-wumfy, 123 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:57,356 maybe nice old granny will give you some milky-wilky, huh? 124 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,157 TABATHA: No, thank you, Mrs. Kravitz. 125 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,592 I don't care for any. 126 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,328 She talked! 127 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,763 So she did. 128 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,733 [GASPS] The baby talked! 129 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:11,036 Abner, I tell you, that baby talked! 130 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,704 I heard it with my own ears. 131 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,173 You mean you let her get a word in? 132 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,275 I asked it if it wanted some milk. 133 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,811 And she said, “No, thank you. 134 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,079 I've just eaten." 135 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,481 So? 136 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:25,016 What's so remarkable about that? The kid wasn't hungry. 137 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:28,220 Abner, infants don't talk. 138 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,988 Even Edgar doesn't talk. 139 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,223 You make up for him. 140 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,858 Abner, I'm telling you. 141 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,594 I heard that little baby, Tabatha, talk. 142 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,362 Now, do you believe me, or not? 143 00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,064 Why shouldn't I believe ya? 144 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,099 For a year now, you've been telling me 145 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,901 there's funny things going on over there. 146 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,036 Once you saw people flying, 147 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:48,006 then you saw pictures hanging themselves on the walls. 148 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,142 Now you tell me an infant can talk. 149 00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:52,944 Know something? You're improving. 150 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,079 Mah! 151 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:59,151 Come on. You come sit over here. 152 00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:00,152 Yes, indeed. 153 00:07:00,154 --> 00:07:02,821 [PHONE RINGS] 154 00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:10,662 Yes? 155 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,631 Samantha? 156 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,132 Oh, fine. 157 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,867 Fine. Did you have a nice lunch? 158 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,602 Oh, no, no trouble. 159 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,504 No calls. 160 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,808 Yes, she's right here in my arms looking so bright-eyed, 161 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,410 you'd think she was about to talk. 162 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,112 Oh, no, no, dear. Take your time. 163 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,213 No rush. 164 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,348 Bye-bye. 165 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:33,585 There, yes, that was your mummy. 166 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,188 Yes, I'm going to tell you another nice story 167 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,123 about two naughty little children, 168 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,492 called Hansel and Gretel. 169 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,160 [GIGGLES] 170 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,663 Yes. Of course, I'm going to tell you the truth 171 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,097 about Hansel and Gretel. 172 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,333 Not any of those old falsehoods 173 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,570 they've been spreading around for years. 174 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,206 Now, there. Are you comfortable? 175 00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:56,475 Yes. The book? 176 00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:58,343 Here we are. 177 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,379 Let's see if we can find the story. 178 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,215 Yes, here it is. 179 00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:07,185 Now, "Once upon a time, a nice, kindly witch 180 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,288 "lived in a gingerbread house in the forest. 181 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,258 She wasn't bothering anyone or causing any harm." 182 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,160 You understand that, Tabatha. 183 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,230 "Well, unfortunately, one day, two nasty little hooligans 184 00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:21,867 "called Hansel and Gretel, found the gingerbread house. 185 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,535 "Well... 186 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:26,404 "without so much as a by-your-leave, 187 00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:29,107 "the two little gluttons broke off her window ledge 188 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,208 and ate it!" 189 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:33,044 Now, what do you think of that? 190 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,279 [GURGLES] Yes. 191 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:37,249 "Well, naturally, the nice witch was concerned." 192 00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,951 I mean, who likes vandalism? 193 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,854 [♪♪♪] 194 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:48,994 Mr. Stephens! 195 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,029 Oh, Mr. Stephens! Wait! 196 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,933 Oh, Mr. Stephens. 197 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,201 Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz. 198 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,737 I just wanted to congratulate you on Tabatha. 199 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,405 What about Tabatha? 200 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,475 Well, about the way she talks and everything. 201 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,743 Oh, it's wonderful. 202 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,177 A genius on my very own block. 203 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,480 Tabatha talked? 204 00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,048 Why, yes. I heard her. 205 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,351 She said, “No, thank you, Mrs. Kravitz. I won't have any". 206 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,853 She meant milk. 207 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,821 I had suggested that she have some milk. 208 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:20,025 [♪♪♪] 209 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,503 [TABATHA GURGLING] 210 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,242 Hello, Tabatha. 211 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,977 I'm your Daddy. 212 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,847 Do you have anything to say to Daddy? 213 00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,583 Is there anything you'd like? 214 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:47,619 Just tell Daddy, and I'll get it for you. 215 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,155 I imagine she'd like her dinner. It's already in the-- 216 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,256 Shh! 217 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,624 Let her say it herself. 218 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,860 Darrin, are you all right? 219 00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,062 Fine. 220 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,663 Just fine for a man who's just learned 221 00:09:58,665 --> 00:09:59,931 his infant daughter can talk. 222 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,399 Tabatha, talk? 223 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,001 Mrs. Kravitz told me all about it. 224 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,803 How she said, “No, thank you, Mrs. Kravitz. 225 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,004 I don't care for any milk.” 226 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,105 Mrs. Kravitz? 227 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,773 No, Tabatha! 228 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,208 You mean you didn't hear it? 229 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,643 No, I didn't. 230 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,712 It must've happened while we were having lunch. 231 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,080 When the babysitter was here. 232 00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,181 Mother! 233 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,849 What mother? 234 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:20,051 Your Mother. 235 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,586 Sam! 236 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,955 Well, um, uh, Darrin, 237 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,957 the babysitter got the flu, 238 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,325 and I couldn't get anyone else. 239 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,461 I didn't want to break our lunch date. 240 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,929 Well, it was the only thing to do. 241 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,330 Honey, you didn't. 242 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,199 You didn't leave Tabatha alone with that-- 243 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,800 That-- That broom jockey. 244 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,702 Darrin, she is my mother. 245 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,471 She got her feelings hurt when I refused, 246 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,206 she promised she wouldn't do anything. 247 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,875 Promises or no, you don't leave a four-time loser alone 248 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,210 with an open safe! 249 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,211 Oh. 250 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,212 Can you get her here? 251 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,681 That won't be necessary. 252 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,884 Broom-jockey, am I? 253 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,252 Mother, you promised. 254 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,688 Truly, darling, I just couldn't help myself. 255 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,124 Couldn't help yourself? Is that your excuse? 256 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,760 Darrin, Darrin. Now, just give her a chance to explain. 257 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,294 Mother, you come down here. 258 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:09,100 That very foolish woman and her very advanced nephew 259 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,468 just got on my nerves, 260 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:14,239 so I put a few simple words in the baby's mouth. 261 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,941 Oh, it was more than human flesh could bear! 262 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:18,009 You're not human! 263 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,077 Darrin. True. 264 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,278 Mother. 265 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,280 How dare you play your stupid, childish tricks 266 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,348 on an innocent baby?! 267 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,616 Mother-- Darrin. 268 00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:26,217 There's no need to shout. 269 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,352 You'll disturb the baby. 270 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,421 The baby, you couldn't care less about the baby! 271 00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:30,422 [GASPS] 272 00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:32,590 Now, can't we just discuss this 273 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,359 like adults? 274 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:39,164 That baby, my granddaughter, was being insulted. 275 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:42,333 She was made to sound like a dim-witted lump! 276 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,968 So what? Darin! 277 00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,103 All that's important 278 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,005 is that she's a normal, healthy, happy baby. 279 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,340 [CRYING] 280 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,576 There, she isn't happy anymore. 281 00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,078 There, you see? You see? 282 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,112 You made the baby cry. 283 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,880 I'm entitled! I'm her father. 284 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,650 And from now on, you keep your conjuring mitts off of her! 285 00:11:58,652 --> 00:11:59,651 Uh-oh. 286 00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:00,785 [DOORBELL RINGS] 287 00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,887 DARRIN: Don't go away. I'm not finished. 288 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,322 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 289 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,925 That's where you're wrong. You're all finished! 290 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,393 Mother! Don't you dare. 291 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,028 That's right, that's right. 292 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,930 Not in front of the baby. 293 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,767 This is the house with the talking baby? 294 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,769 This is it. Their name is Stephens. 295 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:18,870 Oh, no! 296 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,839 What's the matter, Mrs. Kravitz? 297 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:24,109 You can't keep a thing like this to yourself. 298 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,011 A thing like this belongs to the world. 299 00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,080 Daily Mail, ma'am. 300 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:33,885 We got a call from some lady, says you got a...talking baby. 301 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,520 Yes, that was me. 302 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,989 Uh, Mrs. Kravitz, with a K. 303 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,924 R-A-V-I-T-Z. 304 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,593 That's her. 305 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,428 She's the one. 306 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,230 Hello, Tabatha. 307 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,433 These are the gentlemen of the press. 308 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,436 Mrs. Kravitz, I'm sure you've made a mistake. 309 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,605 Well, I know what I heard. 310 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:56,674 Gentlemen, I'm sorry that, uh, you've been brought out here 311 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:57,909 on a wild-goose chase, but-- 312 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,945 Yes. I don't know what Mrs. Kravitz told you. 313 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,816 The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 314 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,551 DARRIN: But the baby didn't talk. 315 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:09,621 Gurgled maybe or, uh-- 316 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,823 Or maybe there was a radio playing somewhere, 317 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,291 and that's what she heard. 318 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,660 Radio. Anyway, uh, 319 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,163 you can see for yourself, she's just an infant. 320 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,964 Oh, she doesn't even say "Mama" yet. 321 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,099 No. 322 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,767 Well, we figured as much. 323 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,035 We had to check it out. 324 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,503 Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute! 325 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,706 She heard it. She can tell you. 326 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,375 My mother-in-law didn't hear a thing. 327 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:33,244 Oh. Are you referring to me, 328 00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,647 the broom jockey? 329 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,015 What about it, lady? 330 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,083 Besides, she makes up things. 331 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,586 Y-you can't believe a thing she says. 332 00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,787 TABATHA: On the contrary, 333 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:45,523 my grandmother always tells the truth. 334 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,624 [GIGGLES] 335 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,159 Ah-ha! 336 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:53,331 Did--? Did you hear what I heard? 337 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,801 How about a little statement for the press, honey? 338 00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,436 TABATHA: Not tonight, gentlemen. 339 00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,971 I haven't had my dinner. 340 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,072 Okay. Hold it! 341 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,507 We'll see you tomorrow. 342 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,109 Oh, what a story. 343 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,111 So long, folks. Look for yourselves 344 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:08,179 in the morning edition. 345 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,414 Hey, wait a minute! 346 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,482 Wait for me! Wait till I tell you how these people 347 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,984 fly in and out of windows... 348 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:24,162 Darrin, you can push Mother just so far. 349 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,498 [TABATHA COOS] 350 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:36,074 [♪♪♪] 351 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,090 Sam? 352 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,692 Sam! 353 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:55,827 Samantha-- 354 00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,095 Shh! 355 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,129 Ooh! 356 00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,464 Maybe nobody'll notice. 357 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,565 Not notice? 358 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,233 This is the kind of thing people eat up! 359 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,635 We're in for it, believe me. 360 00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:06,638 Oh, Darrin, I'm sure people have much too much to do 361 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,040 to bother about a silly thing like this. 362 00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:13,411 [♪♪♪] 363 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,317 Good morning, Tabatha. 364 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,885 Ready to give us that statement now? 365 00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,454 REPORTER: When was the first time she talked, Mrs. Stephens? 366 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,889 Looks like any ordinary baby. 367 00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:26,357 MAN: Some ordinary! 368 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,259 She already talks better than you. 369 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,627 Kitchy-koo, Tabby! 370 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,729 Who do you like in the National League pennant? 371 00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,898 I'm sorry. This has all been a mistake. 372 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,366 MAN: How do you like that? 373 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:36,534 People have a smart baby 374 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,436 and all of a sudden, they get snooty! 375 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,874 Oh, my stars! 376 00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,242 No! 377 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:47,045 Definitely, emphatically, categorically, no! 378 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,047 But, Darrin, it's perfect. 379 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,215 Can't you see it? Out of her own mouth. 380 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,884 "I like Nasely's Baby Food 381 00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:55,586 because it's got the taste and texture that's right." 382 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,255 Then we dub in a baby chorus 383 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,624 with Tabatha singing the Nasely jingle. 384 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,392 Larry, for the last time, she can't talk! 385 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,294 Oh, come on, buddy boy! 386 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,830 Let's not carry this modest-parent thing too far. 387 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:06,898 There were witnesses. 388 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,232 She won't do it! 389 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,300 Ah-ha! 390 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,768 What ah-ha? 391 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,071 You said, “won't,” not “can't.” 392 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,007 What are you doing? 393 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,776 The heck with you. I'll ask Tabatha. 394 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,212 [♪♪♪] 395 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,352 Who is it? 396 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,353 Mailman! 397 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,889 Daily Mail, ma'am. 398 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:36,227 What does Tabatha think of the American income-tax structure? 399 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:39,297 I don't think she's too crazy about it. 400 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:42,700 Sam... 401 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,569 Hi, sweetheart. Where'd you come from? 402 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,604 I snuck in the back way to avoid the crush. 403 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,006 Oh, this is terrible. 404 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,474 They haven't let me alone all day. 405 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,975 I know. Me too. 406 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,444 Larry wants Tabatha to give testimonials for baby food. 407 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:54,579 Oh, marvelous. 408 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,781 I tried to get Mother, but she won't come. 409 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:57,849 I think she's still mad. 410 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:58,850 She's mad?! 411 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,051 [PHONE RINGS] 412 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:02,153 Oh, I've been at it all day. 413 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,855 Your turn. 414 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,289 Unh... 415 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,127 Hello. 416 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,629 Yes, this is Darrin Stephens. 417 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,998 What? 418 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,801 You want to rent her? 419 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:21,539 For six weeks to run her through a series of tests. 420 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,674 Look, why don't you guys go back to finding a cure 421 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:24,909 for the common cold. 422 00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,277 Who was that? 423 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,379 The Mayo Clinic. 424 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,350 Tonight, all America is agog over the report 425 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,818 that little Tabatha Stephens, 426 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,853 an infant girl no longer than my arm, 427 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:39,190 speaks the King's English as well as you or I do. 428 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,459 Reliable sources report that the Stephens 429 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,994 have already been contacted 430 00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:44,562 by the Hollywood Palace TV show. 431 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,963 Sam? 432 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,433 Oh, they wanted her to emcee, but I turned them down. 433 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,502 And this evening, TASS, the Russia news agency, 434 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,304 announced that in Moscow, 435 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:56,007 a baby two weeks younger than Tabatha Stephens 436 00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:58,042 speaks perfect Russian. 437 00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,011 Figures. 438 00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,447 Meantime, in Washing-- 439 00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,881 [DOORBELL RINGS] 440 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:04,982 Who is it? 441 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,084 Mailman. 442 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,718 You tried that before. 443 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,788 U.S. Mail. Special delivery. 444 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,523 You better be. 445 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,625 It's for Tabatha. 446 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,527 Got to deliver it personally. 447 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,963 She's in conference. 448 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,765 Sure would like to see that talking baby. 449 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,533 Sorry. 450 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,636 Who's it for? 451 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,738 Oh, dear. Tabatha. 452 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:33,044 It's from Harvard University! 453 00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:34,946 They're offering her a scholarship. 454 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,348 Harvard University?! But she's a girl. 455 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,283 They'll make an exception. 456 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,852 Oh, Darrin, what are we going to do? 457 00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:42,053 I don't know. 458 00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,754 Your mother's really done it this time. 459 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,590 She's got to be the one to get us out of this. 460 00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:49,727 Sam, that's like asking a cobra to help out a mongoose. 461 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,095 Just a minute. 462 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,897 I have an idea. 463 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,198 And it might work, 464 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,733 but I'll need Mother's help, 465 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,669 if I can get her here. 466 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,338 Okay, but just keep Tabatha upstairs. 467 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,405 Mm-hmm. 468 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,975 Bye, sweetheart. 469 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,576 [CHATTERING] 470 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,479 Sam. Hmm? 471 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,082 Can you create, um, a diversion? 472 00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:12,783 Oh, I'll do better than that. 473 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,521 Go on. 474 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,057 Thanks, honey. 475 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,058 You're welcome. 476 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,772 Bye, honey! 477 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:35,773 Bye-bye. 478 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,447 [YELLING] 479 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,588 Come on, Mother. 480 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,357 I want to show you what's been going on. 481 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,693 There must be at least 100 people out there. 482 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,930 Oh, it's remarkable what a little publicity will do. 483 00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:00,932 Now, I realize that you did what you did 484 00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,200 only out of love for Tabatha, 485 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,701 but don't you know what this means? 486 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,137 All her life she'll have a mob of people around her. 487 00:20:06,139 --> 00:20:07,338 She'll never be alone. 488 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,574 That's nothing to worry about, Samantha. 489 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,176 Little girls like to be the center of attention. 490 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,844 I always did. 491 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:18,049 Well, if you're willing to make the sacrifice. 492 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,585 What sacrifice? 493 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:23,287 Well, she won't belong to any of us anymore. 494 00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,590 She'll belong to her public. 495 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,325 Oh, I suppose you'll get to see her 496 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,826 once or twice a year. 497 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,061 If you make an appointment. 498 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,596 Appointment? 499 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,764 Appointment to see my own granddaughter? 500 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,967 Well, you don't think you'll be able to play with her 501 00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:38,436 or take her for a walk any time you want, do you? 502 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,137 She'll be a celebrity. 503 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,373 One lump or two? 504 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:45,743 Well, is there any way to stop all this? 505 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,980 Well, I do have an idea. 506 00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:51,249 But I'll need your help. 507 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:52,617 All right. 508 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:56,520 Hi there, Mrs. Kravitz, Mr. Kravitz. 509 00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,623 Come right on in. Make yourselves at home. 510 00:20:58,625 --> 00:20:59,657 Come in, gentlemen. 511 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,325 Thank you. 512 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,328 I don't think they'll buy it. 513 00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:05,930 Keep your fingers crossed. 514 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:12,203 Well, how does it feel to be a celebrity, honey? 515 00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:13,604 I beg your pardon? 516 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,206 She doesn't look any different to me. 517 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:16,407 That's the one that flies. 518 00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,111 I asked you all over tonight 519 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,013 because I'd like to make an apology. 520 00:21:22,015 --> 00:21:23,981 Now, all this business about Tabatha talking 521 00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,883 has been an unfortunate misunderstanding. 522 00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:26,917 Yes. 523 00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,486 And once it got started, 524 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,121 we just didn't know how to stop it. 525 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:31,989 Well, let's get to the point, Mrs. Stephens. 526 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:33,624 When did Tabatha start to talk? 527 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,593 That is the point. She didn't. 528 00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:37,561 I mean, she hasn't. 529 00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:39,597 Perhaps I should explain. 530 00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:42,199 You know, when I was younger, I was in vaudeville. 531 00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:44,435 Maybe you heard of me. 532 00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:46,504 I was known as Endora 533 00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,105 the Miraculous. 534 00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,274 She's miraculous, all right. 535 00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:51,842 Oh, thank you. 536 00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:54,111 My specialty was ventriloquism. 537 00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:56,314 I did baby voices. 538 00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,748 They were quite effective. 539 00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:00,484 And so when this lady came over the other day, 540 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:03,454 I couldn't resist the temptation to try it out again. 541 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:06,757 So you see, Tabatha didn't really talk at all. 542 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,025 Now, wait a minute. 543 00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:11,529 I was this far away, and I saw this baby talk. 544 00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:14,498 TABATHA: Would you mind not breathing in my face, sport? 545 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,300 Like that? 546 00:22:16,302 --> 00:22:18,269 Her lips moved that time. 547 00:22:18,271 --> 00:22:21,539 Well, I don't know. It's awful realistic. 548 00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:26,477 She may have made Tabatha talk, but not by ventriloquism. 549 00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:28,946 There's something very strange about her. 550 00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:30,715 Gladys, will you stop? 551 00:22:30,717 --> 00:22:32,083 No, I will not. 552 00:22:32,085 --> 00:22:34,652 It is time that people found out about this house. 553 00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:36,721 Oh, weird things go on in here. 554 00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:39,623 They have powers, supernatural powers! 555 00:22:39,625 --> 00:22:42,660 Oh, you wouldn't believe the things I've seen. 556 00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,995 Gentlemen, I guess I'll have to prove to you 557 00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:47,531 how simple it is to make a baby talk. 558 00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,133 Here, darling. 559 00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,235 Will you hold your child? 560 00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:53,104 There. 561 00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:55,039 Now, then, Mrs. Kravitz-- 562 00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,107 No, don't touch me! 563 00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:58,309 Oh, but it's very easy, you know. 564 00:22:58,311 --> 00:22:59,744 You can do it too. 565 00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:03,514 Just throw your voice to the back of the throat 566 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,850 and talk very high. 567 00:23:05,852 --> 00:23:07,651 Go on, try it. 568 00:23:07,653 --> 00:23:08,819 Oh, no, I will not! 569 00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:10,221 Abner, make her stop! 570 00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:11,355 She's gonna do something. 571 00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:12,356 [SCREECHES] 572 00:23:12,358 --> 00:23:13,491 She did! 573 00:23:13,493 --> 00:23:15,493 [TABATHA'S VOICE] She turned me into a baby. 574 00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:18,362 Hey, that was pretty good. 575 00:23:18,364 --> 00:23:20,398 So you see, that's all there was to it. 576 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,401 I'm awfully sorry if there was a misunderstanding. 577 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:25,202 Gee, you sure caused a sensation. 578 00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:28,239 Well, we'll have to print a retraction. 579 00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:29,373 How does she stop? 580 00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:31,909 Talk in your normal voice. 581 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,545 [TABATHA'S VOICE] I am talking in my normal voice. 582 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:35,846 Mother... 583 00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:41,485 [NORMAL] Oh, would it be terrible if I were like this all my life? 584 00:23:41,487 --> 00:23:42,987 That, I would agree with. 585 00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,555 Hey, I'm normal. 586 00:23:44,557 --> 00:23:46,757 That, I wouldn't agree with. 587 00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:50,961 Come on, Gladys. 588 00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:53,097 But... But... 589 00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:56,734 You see how simple it was? 590 00:23:58,638 --> 00:24:00,805 [♪♪♪] 591 00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:08,712 Darrin, I think that you should tell Mother that you're sorry. 592 00:24:08,714 --> 00:24:11,015 I know it was all her fault to begin with, 593 00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:14,051 but she did such a wonderful job of straightening everything out. 594 00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:16,654 And I'm sure she's forgiven you for the way you talked to her. 595 00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:17,955 Forgiven me? 596 00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:20,057 [BOY'S VOICE] I must say, that's sweet of her. 597 00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:21,992 Mother. 598 00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:23,060 Mother. 599 00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:24,662 Where are you? 600 00:24:24,664 --> 00:24:26,330 This is the last straw! 601 00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:27,331 Sam, get her back here. 602 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:28,332 Mother! 603 00:24:28,334 --> 00:24:29,633 Endora, you come back here 604 00:24:29,635 --> 00:24:31,902 [NORMAL] and change my voice right away. 605 00:24:31,904 --> 00:24:34,438 Thank you, Mother. You're a great help. 606 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,907 ENDORA: That's what mothers are for, dear. 607 00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:38,742 [ENDORA LAUGHS] 608 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:45,850 [♪♪♪] 41443

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