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1
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:06,572
Good afternoon,
Mrs. Stephens?
2
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:07,573
Yes?
3
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:08,941
I'm Dr. Passmore.
4
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,342
Is Mr. Stephens in?
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,478
No, I'm sorry he isn't,
but I expect him soon.
6
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,579
Won't you come in, doctor?
7
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:14,513
Well, thank you.
8
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,051
Oh, uh, just by way
of introduction,
9
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:22,354
I am chief psychiatrist
at Meadowbrook Rest Home.
10
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,989
Our guests are
aware of the fact
11
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,657
that this is
the centennial of the year
12
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,760
which marked the end
of the War Between the States
13
00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:30,362
and, uh, they'd like
to do something about it.
14
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,563
Aren't they a bit late?
15
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,365
[GIGGLES]
16
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,769
Mrs. Stephens, they would like
to commemorate the event.
17
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,037
Yes, of course.
18
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,672
Uh, well, uh, what's this
got to do with Darrin?
19
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,875
Well, it's necessary for us
to inform the public
20
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:43,942
of our undertaking.
21
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,477
That means advertising.
22
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,880
And I understand your husband
excels in that field.
23
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,314
Oh, he does!
24
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:51,683
And it sounds like
a wonderful idea.
25
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,085
I'm sure I can
vouch for Darrin.
26
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,154
I'm certain he'll be happy
to do your publicity.
27
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,255
Oh, really?
28
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,856
Then I may
depend upon it?
29
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,291
For such a worthy cause?
30
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,392
I give you my word.
31
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,962
You gave him your word?!
32
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:06,899
Honey, I'm right in the middle
of planning the Jarvis account,
33
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,934
I'm drawing
the Slater TV Commercials,
34
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,335
and I'm racing
the time clock
35
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,404
planning that Murphy's
Supermarket opening,
36
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,739
and you gave him
your word!
37
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,074
Darrin, please...
38
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:16,475
Well, then I'll
give you my word.
39
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,776
In a word, no!
40
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:18,877
I thought you wanted me
41
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,579
to be interested
in these civic things.
42
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,014
I do.
43
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:24,516
So, what are you doing
for this noble project?
44
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,352
Sam, I couldn't do it
even if I wanted to.
45
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,855
My knowledge of the Civil War
is slightly less than limited.
46
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,558
I could help.
Mine's perfect.
47
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,227
[PHONE RINGS]
48
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,161
Hello?
49
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,499
Oh, hello, uh,
Dr. Passmore.
50
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,502
Well, I'm...
happy to do it.
51
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:49,441
Oh-- Oh, well, uh,
could I make a suggestion?
52
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,743
I think my wife
would be perfect for it.
53
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,480
Oh, yes, an expert.
54
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:56,748
She'll do it.
55
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,384
I give you my word.
56
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,553
Bye.
57
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,022
Do what?
58
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,157
Write the pageant.
59
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,592
Write the--?
60
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,526
Me?!
61
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,533
[♪♪♪]
62
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,772
[♪♪♪]
63
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,916
Hello, Mother.
64
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:06,652
It's a wise child
who knows her own mother.
65
00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:12,758
Darling, I thought we could
spend some time with each other.
66
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,459
Nope.
Can't.
67
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,061
I'm writing a play.
68
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,263
Just started four hours ago.
69
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,132
Oh, really?
70
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,300
What's it about?
71
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,936
The American Civil War.
72
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:25,070
Ohhh.
73
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:28,407
Well, the simple stories
are always the best.
74
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,543
Oh, I wish Darrin hadn't given
my word I'd do this.
75
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,579
Well, maybe I could
be of some help.
76
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:34,580
How?
77
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,281
Well, I could
be your secretary.
78
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:38,450
I can type faster
than anybody.
79
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,119
Watch this...
80
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:51,530
"The quick brown fox
jumped over the lazy mrpldrk?"
81
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,501
Oh.
82
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:59,638
Well, I said I was fast,
not accurate.
83
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,807
Thank you, Mother, but I'm
afraid this is one thing
84
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,175
I'm gonna have to do
for myself.
85
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:06,011
All right, all right,
darling. Be independent.
86
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,180
Just do it the hard way.
87
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,123
SAM:
Hope you like my script
for the pageant.
88
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:24,396
Well, I'll, uh, go change,
and then I'll fix dinner.
89
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,068
It's still very rough.
90
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,603
Mm-hmm.
91
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,605
Don't expect too much.
92
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,740
What?
93
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,675
Oh, okay, honey,
a sandwich would be fine.
94
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,992
Well?
95
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,761
Well, whatever it is
you've been cooking
96
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,796
certainly smells good,
sweetheart.
97
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,798
We're having
cold cuts.
98
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,133
Oh.
99
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,968
That bad, huh?
100
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,704
Oh, it's not bad
for a first try.
101
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,006
Worth a second?
102
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,243
Go on, Darrin,
you can be honest.
103
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:13,578
Well, darling, to tell the
truth, it's the characters.
104
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:17,449
They're...kind of stereotyped,
one dimensional.
105
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,017
You've got to
flesh them out.
106
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,186
Think of them
as real people.
107
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:24,089
Well, I've learned something
very important tonight.
108
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,290
What's that?
109
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,659
Never let your husband criticize
on an empty stomach!
110
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,266
Oh, my stars!
111
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,874
Now, don't tell me you
haven't finished, Samantha.
112
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,875
Oh.
113
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,377
I had the wrong slant,
Mother.
114
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,912
I'm starting again.
115
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:50,148
Well, do you realize the war
might take longer to write
116
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:53,085
than it did to fight?
117
00:05:53,087 --> 00:05:56,388
My problem, according to Darrin,
the critic, is my characters--
118
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,091
He thinks-- He thinks
I should flesh them out more.
119
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:01,159
Well, I think that's
an excellent idea.
120
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,995
Place them in front of you,
so you can see them better.
121
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,732
And then you'll be able
to write them better.
122
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,033
You might have a point.
123
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,235
Well, I'll leave
you with it.
124
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:15,640
Just bear in mind, darling:
Write mortal, think witch.
125
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,381
Uh-huh...
126
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:23,315
Let's see...
127
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,723
Captain Corcoran...
128
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,925
my hero...
129
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,261
My hero, hmm.
130
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:39,731
If you're so great, how come
you're so one-dimensional?
131
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,066
It would help to see you better.
132
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,203
Captain Corcoran...
133
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,706
Tall...
134
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,509
handsome...
135
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,644
courageous...
136
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,347
intelligent!
137
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,952
[HORSE WHINNIES]
138
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:06,625
Oh...my!
139
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:07,859
Not bad!
140
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,961
Not bad at all!
141
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,899
Oh, yes, Captain Corcoran,
I think you'll do very nicely.
142
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,168
My, what a beautiful horse.
143
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:19,104
But that beard will have to go.
144
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,639
Never!
145
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,475
I beg your pardon?
146
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:27,913
A Confederate officer
without his beard?
147
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,848
Why, I'd die of shame, ma'am.
148
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:32,584
I would.
I'd just die of shame.
149
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,554
Now, listen here, if it weren't
for my vivid imagination,
150
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,255
you wouldn't be here
in the first place,
151
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,657
beard or no beard!
152
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,325
So, what I say goes.
153
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,693
But, I tell you, ma'am,
154
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:44,863
if I have to face the enemy
clean-shaven,
155
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,966
why, I'd rather lose the war!
156
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,301
You're Southern!
157
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,435
You did lose!
158
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:53,772
Don't dampen
my spirits, ma'am.
159
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,073
I don't know that yet.
160
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,552
Aah!
161
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,622
'Scuse me, ma'am,
this is the way it should go.
162
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,591
Yee-ah-ha-ha-ha-hoo!
163
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,694
Charge!
164
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,995
No.
165
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,197
I think you were
better off in my mind.
166
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,181
Yeah.
All right.
167
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,116
Now, let's see
how you turned out.
168
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,256
Hey, not bad,
you know?
169
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:45,957
Nice headband.
170
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,826
Hey, you've got
pretty good taste.
171
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,662
I think you've done
a first-rate job.
172
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,164
Well, there's only
one small comment.
173
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,566
Well, what's that?
174
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,935
Well, what's an Indian doing
in the American Civil War?
175
00:08:56,937 --> 00:09:00,238
Well, I wanted somebody without
any political allegiance
176
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,273
to either side.
177
00:09:01,275 --> 00:09:03,141
Sort of a chorus.
178
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,376
Now, may I ask you a question?
179
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,677
Mm-hmm?
180
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,479
Why don't you talk
like an Indian?
181
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:09,314
Well, why don't you
think like one?
182
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,783
Because I don't have
a cliché mind.
183
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,451
Well, that's fine with me.
184
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,687
I mean, I hate
to say lines like,
185
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,290
"White man speak
with forked tongue."
186
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,925
Let me worry
about that, please.
187
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,627
Well, no, I mean, I was just
mentioning it, you know?
188
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:23,828
"Ugh" is out too.
189
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,699
I'd like to see how
my two characters
190
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,000
measure up to each other.
191
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,838
Miss Samantha, ma'am,
192
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,507
uh, would it be
impertinent of me
193
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,742
to suggest a bit
of love-interest?
194
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:38,977
Good man!
195
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:39,945
I meant for me.
196
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,581
You're absolutely
right.
197
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:46,318
What you need is a lovely,
young girl from Pennsylvania.
198
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,453
A Northern girl?!
199
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,621
Yes, that's right.
200
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,189
But you love each other,
201
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,158
even though her sympathies
are with the North.
202
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,793
Hey, that's
a pretty good conflict.
203
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,227
Oh, thank you.
204
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,298
Johnny,
Johnny, Johnny.
205
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,633
Don't leave me,
Johnny!
206
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:04,336
Oh, no, sugar!
207
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,137
All right, all right,
let's not overdo it!
208
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,639
[DOORBELL RINGS]
209
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,608
Ooh!
You'd better go.
210
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:12,877
Oh, we just gettin'
started, ma'am!
211
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,046
Well, I can't let people
see you here.
212
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:23,922
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz!
213
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,090
Hello, Mrs. Stephens.
214
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,592
I don't want to bother you
if you have company.
215
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:28,693
No, no,
I'm alone.
216
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:29,694
You're alone?
217
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,863
Oh, you are?
218
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,199
Well, I--
I see you are.
219
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,500
Well, I won't
keep you.
220
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:39,037
I just came to borrow a cup
of horse-- Oh, sugar.
221
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,605
Well, I'd be happy
to get it for you.
222
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:41,606
Thank you.
223
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:42,741
Won't you come in?
224
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,542
Uh, no, no, I'll stay
right here, thank you.
225
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,551
[SCREAMS]
226
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,453
Oh!
227
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,589
Mrs. Stephens
said she was alone!
228
00:10:57,591 --> 00:10:58,823
She is.
229
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,925
Well...what about
the two of you?
230
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,027
Oh, we're
not real.
231
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,095
We're just something
she dreamed up.
232
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,797
Oh, that's crazy!
233
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:06,798
Isn't it though?
234
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,999
We're right
out of her mind.
235
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:08,933
C'mon.
236
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,504
Abner!
237
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,239
Abner!
Help!
238
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,174
[PANICKED YELLING]
239
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,376
Help! Help!
240
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,878
Abner!
241
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,912
Abner!
242
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,647
Aaaaaaah!
243
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,216
What are you
doing here?
244
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,317
Well, how should
I know?
245
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,853
You thought about us,
and here we are.
246
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,089
You mean all I had to do
was think about you?
247
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,191
Samantha?
248
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,592
Oops,
there's Darrin.
249
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:35,593
Now, you better leave.
250
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,062
Well, can't we
meet him?
251
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,430
No.
252
00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:40,165
He isn't used
to this sort of thing.
253
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,068
At least give me
a chance to explain.
254
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,002
Okay.
255
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,038
How do I get rid of you?
256
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,907
Try making
your mind a blank.
257
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,879
Good.
258
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,148
What's Mrs. Kravitz
so hysterical about?
259
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,551
Well, you know
Mrs. Kravitz.
260
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:00,485
Yeah.
261
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,026
Who are they?
262
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,297
Who are who?
263
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,966
I see an Indian,
a girl in a long dress,
264
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,935
and a Confederate officer...
265
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,236
with his horse.
266
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:21,439
You see an Indian,
a girl in a long dress,
267
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,408
and a Confederate officer
with his horse!
268
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,210
Sam!
269
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,378
Well, now, Darrin,
please try not to be angry.
270
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,114
I-I know it's gonna
be kind of difficult
271
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,482
for you to understand
at first.
272
00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:32,350
You see they're, uh...
273
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,552
They're figments
of my imagination.
274
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:35,553
Imagination?
275
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,222
Characters in my play.
276
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,524
That's ridiculous!
277
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,192
Uh, look you people,
would you mind
278
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,861
just going back
into her, uh, mind
279
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,829
or wherever
you came from?
280
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,065
Darrin, please
don't be upset.
281
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,469
Well, I--
282
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:56,341
What happened?
283
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,942
I kissed you,
I guess.
284
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,043
I know you kissed me,
285
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,179
but what has that got
to do with anything?
286
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,916
Well, when I kiss you I can't
think about anything else
287
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,452
and when I stop thinking,
they disappear.
288
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,820
Now you kiss me.
289
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,121
Why, are they back?
290
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,656
No, just for
the heck of it.
291
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,129
And don't worry, darling,
I can control them.
292
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,642
Hey, author.
293
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,643
Hmm?
Sam!
294
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,777
Oh. Yeah?
295
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,046
Hey, we got a great idea
for the second act.
296
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,148
Now, I'm guiding Violet
through the battlefield
297
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,149
to see her lover...
298
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,150
Huh.
299
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,185
You listening?
Yeah.
300
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,786
There's a blinding
rainstorm...
301
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:42,720
Sam!
302
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:48,593
Now, look, all you characters
are gonna have to--
303
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,727
Where's your horse?
304
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:50,962
Sam!
305
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,898
Okay.
306
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,733
We're forced
to take cover.
307
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,836
Now, when Violet
doesn't show up,
308
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:58,837
I think that she--
309
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,238
All right, all right!
Cut, cut!
310
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,673
I've had it
with you characters!
311
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,041
--that Violet
has been killed!
312
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,509
Will you stop thinking?
313
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,377
I'm trying to, but they
seem to have taken on
314
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,679
lives of their own.
315
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,148
Corcoran now decides
that life isn't worth living.
316
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,149
Aww.
317
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,719
Look, would you--?
318
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,755
Hey, that's not bad!
319
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,725
Now, get this.
320
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,161
This could be
the big scene in the play.
321
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,363
The captain, he gets
on his horse,
322
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,099
and he rides into
the blazing battlefield,
323
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,902
where a band
of desperados...
324
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,804
[♪♪♪]
325
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,479
Sam, I can't understand
why you don't do something.
326
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,747
You're a witch!
327
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,983
With a perfectly normal
subconscious.
328
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,285
And nobody can control
their subconscious.
329
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,153
Besides that, since
I've started writing,
330
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,855
I have an over-stimulated
imagination!
331
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,523
Well, then, forget
the whole project!
332
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,525
Tell Passmore
to get somebody else!
333
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,694
Well, I can't go back
on my promise!
334
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,229
Honey, he'll
understand.
335
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,430
He's a psychiatrist!
336
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,333
His life is filled
with broken promises!
337
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,334
Darrin...
338
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,736
Besides, I see
them everywhere!
339
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:05,837
They're in
the bathroom!
340
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:06,838
They're in the closets!
341
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,206
I even saw them in--!
342
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,207
Excuse me.
343
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,142
I even--!
344
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,544
Why am I even being
polite to him?
345
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:17,482
What's the matter,
you don't like minority groups?
346
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,584
GLADYS:
Out of her mind!
347
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,686
Gladys, you've talked
half the night about that.
348
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,488
Now, if I hear it
one more time--
349
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:27,558
The Indian came right out of her
mind and vanished into thin air!
350
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,927
Okay, Gladys,
I've had enough!
351
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,595
You're gonna see
a psychiatrist!
352
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,530
[PHONE RINGS]
353
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,968
Hello?
354
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,670
Oh, hi, honey!
355
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:39,904
Hi, sweetheart!
356
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,272
I just finished the last poster.
357
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,408
I'm gonna drop them off
at Dr. Passmore's office.
358
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:46,344
Why don't you meet me there?
We'll have lunch afterwards.
359
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,313
Give your mind a rest.
360
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,347
Okay?
361
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,516
I think it's very okay.
362
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:52,617
I'll meet you there.
363
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,551
Bye-bye.
364
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:56,354
Hmm.
365
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:01,492
The mind is
a very puzzling thing.
366
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:06,331
You see, these characters just
appear very real to you.
367
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,333
That's because
you haven't seen them.
368
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,268
Now, the Indian
is dressed in doeskin
369
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,669
and is wearing a feather.
370
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,871
And the soldier
has on a gray uniform,
371
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,873
like they used to wear
during the Civil War.
372
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,776
And the girl
has on a long gown.
373
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,646
Mrs. Kravitz, I assure you,
they're all in your mind!
374
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,316
No! I told you,
they're all in her mind!
375
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,552
And then they vanished
into thin air!
376
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:30,755
Now then, I want you
to repeat after me.
377
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,658
"It's all in my mind."
378
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,860
It's all in my mind.
379
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,729
"It's all in my mind."
380
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:39,764
It's all in my mind.
381
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,100
"It's all in my mind."
382
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,902
It's all in my mind.
383
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,571
Yeah, that's better.
384
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,407
Now, I want you
to believe that.
385
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,310
Do you?
No. Yes!
386
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,244
Splendid!
387
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,047
Very well.
388
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,951
I want you to take
three of these every day
389
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:00,918
for the next week.
390
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,592
And, Mrs. Kravitz,
get out more.
391
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,160
Get a hobby.
392
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,529
Join things.
393
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,603
Darrin Stephens
to see Dr. Passmore.
394
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,639
It's all in the mind...
395
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,775
Hi, Mrs. Kravitz!
396
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:24,776
You too?
397
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:26,110
What?
398
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,245
Save your money.
399
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,746
It's all hallucinations.
400
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,014
Get yourself a hobby,
401
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,282
join things.
402
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,251
It's all in the mind.
403
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,787
I'm gonna be all right.
404
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,796
Oh, good to see you,
Mr. Stephens.
405
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:45,830
And Mrs. Stephens.
406
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:46,831
Doctor.
407
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:50,268
Come right in, please.
Come right in.
408
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,770
You, uh... You're ready
to show me the posters I see.
409
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,539
Yes, right here.
410
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,940
Here's the first one.
411
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,975
I used this one to point
up the importance
412
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,610
of commemorating the event.
413
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,712
Very good!
414
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,548
Very good indeed!
415
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,119
Beautiful,
Mr. Stephens!
416
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,088
Perfectly, perfectly
beautiful!
417
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:15,526
Oh, you are
an artist indeed!
418
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:19,230
You know, I must say
you've captured the--
419
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:25,269
Mr. Stephens...?
420
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,105
You do that often?
421
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,807
He's crazy about me!
422
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,042
Uh, yes.
423
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,643
I read, when your
wife is expecting,
424
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,912
you should show her lots
of love and affection.
425
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,414
Ah-ha.
426
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:40,017
Well, there's a time and a place
for everything, Mr. Stephens.
427
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,953
Uh, could I see
the next poster, please?
428
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:42,954
Oh, certainly.
429
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,559
I used very striking
colors in this one.
430
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,934
Uh, I wanted to illustrate
here the importance
431
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,236
of being involved
in such--
432
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:00,571
Sam!
433
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:05,042
Uh, who are they?
434
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,777
Who are who?
435
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:09,514
Well, I-I see an Indian...
436
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:10,515
[WHINNIES]
437
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,850
a girl in a long dress...
438
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,986
and a Confederate officer...
439
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,187
with his horse!
440
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,456
You see an Indian,
a girl in a long dress,
441
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,292
and a Confederate officer
with his horse?
442
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,660
How about that?
443
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,928
[LAUGHS]
444
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:26,130
Well, uh, thank you,
Mr. Stephens.
445
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,131
Good to see you.
446
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,699
Thanks for stopping by.
447
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,768
Well, good to see you,
doctor.
448
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,503
Sam?
449
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,437
Sam!
Wha--?
450
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,314
[WHINNIES]
451
00:19:58,131 --> 00:19:59,597
It's all in my mind.
452
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,601
It's all in my mind.
453
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,238
It's all in my mind.
454
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,946
I don't know how I ever
managed to live through that.
455
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:15,880
I'm only human.
456
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:18,883
Well, you know
what I mean.
457
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,689
Well, I hope
you're all satisfied!
458
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,924
If you had one shred
of decency, you'd go back
459
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,794
where you came from
and never darken my mind again!
460
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,028
Leave?
461
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:33,030
Well, what do you think
we've been trying to do?
462
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,433
I'd love to go, ma'am.
463
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,834
Uh, you're not
a bad writer,
464
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,803
but you're no
Lillian Hellman!
465
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,271
Trouble is,
we've no place to go.
466
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,272
We don't have a home.
467
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,074
Home?
468
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,408
A plot.
469
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,478
Now, how can we settle down
in a play unless we have a plot?
470
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,814
We've been trying to tell you
how to finish this thing,
471
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,515
but you haven't
been paying attention.
472
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,284
Now, sit down.
473
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,620
Now, that we're solid
three-dimensional characters,
474
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,655
we'll help you
finish the play.
475
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,957
Now, take this down.
476
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,826
This is what happens...
477
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,728
I say to the captain,
478
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,863
"Captain, the war is over!
479
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,565
The South has capitulated!"
480
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:12,570
"Then it's the end
of everything!"
481
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:13,504
Bang!
482
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,678
I rush in,
I see them.
483
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,248
"Ah, you killed the captain!
484
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:25,249
You killed him!"
485
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:26,250
"No, I--!"
486
00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:27,184
Bang!
487
00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:29,654
"He was my friend!
488
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,589
"He did it himself!
489
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:35,426
"It was the only way
that he could die with...
490
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:36,360
honor."
491
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:48,205
"I hereby swear that I will
dedicate my entire life
492
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:52,243
"to seeing that these fine men
did not die in vain!
493
00:21:52,245 --> 00:21:56,280
"Out of this black day,
a mighty nation will grow!
494
00:21:56,282 --> 00:21:57,882
Something good
will come of this!"
495
00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:03,220
The orchestra hits
"Glory, Glory, Hallelujah,"
496
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,790
and as the music
swells to a crescendo,
497
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,092
the curtain slowly falls.
498
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:10,695
The end!
499
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,204
It worked!
500
00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:21,972
Oh, Darrin, it worked!
501
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:24,608
They've found a home!
502
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:27,611
My heart-felt
congratulations.
503
00:22:27,613 --> 00:22:29,680
Don't I deserve a kiss
for that?
504
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,749
Well, I don't know.
505
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:33,284
What do you mean?
506
00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:36,387
Well, there doesn't seem to be
much point in kissing now.
507
00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:37,321
Darrin!
508
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,801
That was quite
an experience.
509
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:53,971
The sets and costumes
were lovely, but...
510
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,906
ugh, those actors!
511
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,608
Well, the actors
never quite live up
512
00:22:57,610 --> 00:22:59,410
to the conception
of the characters.
513
00:23:00,913 --> 00:23:02,313
Hey, by the way,
I saw you talking
514
00:23:02,315 --> 00:23:03,481
to a lady
after the show.
515
00:23:03,483 --> 00:23:05,282
Uh, it seemed like
quite a big conference.
516
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:06,417
What was it all about?
517
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:08,119
Would you like some coffee,
sweetheart?
518
00:23:08,121 --> 00:23:09,453
What was it
about, honey?
519
00:23:09,455 --> 00:23:10,988
Milk, tea,
hot cocoa?
520
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:12,056
I'm not thirsty!
521
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:13,457
You didn't answer
the question.
522
00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:14,992
Who was the lady?
523
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:17,928
Oh, just a lady
from the Ladies' League.
524
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,330
I'm listening.
525
00:23:19,332 --> 00:23:20,831
Oh, well they--
They want to put on
526
00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:22,633
sort of a vaudeville
show, you know?
527
00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:24,535
Song and dance acts, and...
528
00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:26,137
Sam, you didn't?
529
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:28,773
[DOORBELL RINGS]
530
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:34,645
Hello.
531
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,680
I hope I'm not
disturbing anything.
532
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:38,682
Oh, no.
We're all alone.
533
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:40,184
Oh, good.
534
00:23:40,186 --> 00:23:41,986
I just wanted to tell
Mrs. Stephens
535
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:43,521
how much I enjoyed--
536
00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:45,489
BOTH:
♪ I wanna hear it again ♪
537
00:23:45,491 --> 00:23:47,458
♪ I wanna hear it again ♪
538
00:23:48,461 --> 00:23:51,796
♪ "The Old Piano Roll Blues" ♪
539
00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:54,265
♪ I wanna hear it again ♪
540
00:23:54,267 --> 00:23:55,433
♪ I wanna hear it again ♪
541
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:59,737
♪ "The Old Piano Roll Blues" ♪
542
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,439
Sam!
543
00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:02,373
Yes, dear?
544
00:24:03,176 --> 00:24:04,608
[SCREAMS]
545
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,620
Now, how will
I ever be sure that
546
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,422
that will never
happen again?
547
00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:22,626
Well, I guess you'll
just have to give me
548
00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,962
lots of love and affection.
549
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,298
Then I can promise
they won't be back.
550
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,066
That's blackmail!
551
00:24:29,068 --> 00:24:30,668
Yes, I know.
552
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,851
[♪♪♪]
36843
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