All language subtitles for Bewitched S01E32 Illegal Separation 1080p AI Upscale DVD x265 HEVC 10bit AC3-Vertag_track3_[und]

[♪♪♪]

Okay, now you can open.

Ooh! Champagne!
What's the occasion?

The occasion is

our first quiet evening
at home in two weeks.

I intend to toast you
in blank verse

and whisper sweet nothings
till sunrise.

Aren't you sweet?

First, we remove
the protective wiring,

then we pry loose the cork
with a resounding...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Chime.

Who dares intrude
on blank verse
and sweet nothings?

I don't know,

but we're gonna get rid
of whoever it is
in a hurry.

Oh, Mr. Kravitz!

Good evening,
Mrs. Stephens,

Mr. Stephens.

Good evening,
Mr. Kravitz.

I dropped by to give you
some neighborhood gossip.

Well, could you tell us
tomorrow, Mr. Kravitz?

It's late and we were...

Mrs. Kravitz and I
just split up.

Oh, no!

We had a championship fight.

Round one began with a dispute

over which drawer
I should keep my socks in.

Round 10 ended with me

storming out of the house
to go to my club.

Why don't you go to your club?

I was so mad,

I didn't realize
I don't have one.

Until I was out the door,

which Mrs. Kravitz
childishly locked behind me.

And when I rang the bell,
she didn't open it.

She probably didn't hear you,
Mr. Kravitz.

Why don't you go back and...

I rang 20 minutes nonstop.

I said, "Gladys, let me in.
I'll catch pneumonia."

And she didn't answer?

She answered.

She gave me the name
of a good doctor.

Would you care

to plead with her on the phone?

No. I refuse to stoop
to her level of immaturity.

I'll sleep in the gutter.

Comes morning, she'll find
her sole source of support

frozen, dead!

You'll do no such thing!

You'll stay in our guest room.

And come morning,

when tempers have subsided,

you and Mrs. Kravitz
will make up.

You're both very kind.

Tough luck, Gladys.

I'm going to live.

Oh.

Would you care to join us
in a glass of champagne?

Thanks, but not at bedtime.

Oh, all right, Mr. Kravitz.

The guest room

is the first door

to the left
on the top of the stairs.

At bedtime,
I drink piping-hot cocoa,

if it's not too much trouble.

Oh, no.
No trouble at all.

Hurry back, honey,
before the champagne gets cold.

Coming, darling.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, boy.

That Mr. Kravitz
sure is a good sleeper.

He's also a good snorer,

with amazing long-range
reverberation.

There was a fleeting moment
there around 3:00 A.M.

when I thought

we were under attack
by enemy aircraft.

In a way, it's kind of cute.

Cute?

Honey, there's nothing cute
about staying awake all night,

listening
to stereophonic snoring.

I meant it's kind of cute
that after 30 years of marriage,

a couple can still have
a lover's quarrel.

You think that's all it is?

Oh, of course.

In the clear light of day,

they'll both see
how ridiculous it is.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That must be
the lady in question

come to claim her lost sheep.

Say baa-baa to her lost sheep.

I'll clean up
those things later.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hello, Mrs. Kravitz.

Good morning.

Won't you come in?

Something the matter?

To the naked eye,

this looks like
the average American home.

Uh, Mrs. Stephens,

are you by any chance
harboring my husband?

Yes. I hope
you don't mind.

It was very late
and he didn't have...

Don't apologize.
This is a free country.

Don't tell me

you're going home to mother?

These are
Mr. Kravitz's clothes.

Tell him he can keep his socks

any place he chooses.

Mrs. Kravitz,
do you seriously...?

The home is half mine.

Why should I move
and leave it to him

Let him move and leave it to me.

Mrs. Kravitz,
do you seriously...?

He can keep the car.
I'll keep the house.

I'll try again.

Mrs. Kravitz,
do you seriously mean...?

I do!

The 30-year partnership
of Abner and Gladys Kravitz

is finished,

washed up, dissolved.

Just because of a pair of socks?

Now, Mrs. Kravitz,
I know...

The socks are just a symbol.

A symbol of what?

Of Mr. Kravitz's
crummy neurosis.

He's neurotic, you know?

Oh, he's so neurotic

that a normal person like you...

A normal person like me
might what?

Uh, nothing.

I forgot to whom I was speaking.

Will you give Mr. Kravitz
this note?

And tell him
if he wishes to reply to it,

to have his attorney
contact my attorney.

Pardon me, ladies,
but I have to go to work.

Where's Mrs. Kravitz?

She left.

Alone?
Alone.

Darrin, this is
much more serious

than you predicted.

I didn't predict anything.

She's contemplating divorce.

That was the best sleep
I've had in months.

Mrs. Kravitz snores.

Mr. Kravitz,

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

No fresh orange juice?

No.

Hey, that's my suitcase.

How about that?

It's packed.

What did Mrs. Kravitz say
when she brought it over?

She left you this note.

This is shocking!

She has the penmanship
of a 10-year-old child.

Never mind the penmanship,
what does it say?

It says, "Farewell forever."

If you don't have
fresh orange juice,

I'll have a half a grapefruit.

We have fresh orange juice.

We have fresh orange juice
every morning.

Mr. Kravitz,

why aren't you pounding
your head in misery?

Because I'm not miserable.

Well, you should be!

If I wrote you
a "Farewell forever" note,

wouldn't you be miserable?

I certainly would!

Because she's my wife

and Mrs. Kravitz
is your wife.

I know. Want to trade?

I'll give you Gladys
and 18 pairs of socks.

Mr. Kravitz,
we're disappointed in you.

Aren't you gonna fight for her?

I'm undecided.

It depends on how much I enjoy
not fighting with her.

I'll get dressed for breakfast.

[WHISTLES]

Shouldn't you go to work?

Yes, and so should you.

What does that mean?

It means you should go to work

getting Mr. Kravitz back
where he belongs

before I get home
from work tonight.
How?

I haven't the faintest idea,

but being a devoted
wife and witch,

I'm sure you'll think
of something.

Know what I mean?

Darrin!

Sweetheart, I'm home.

Come give me a passionate kiss.

Okay, pucker up.

That's passionate?

Mr. Kravitz, may I speak
to my wife alone, please?

Sure. I'll start
the Brussels sprouts.

Sweetheart, when
I left this morning...

Brussels sprouts?

Well, he said
if it wasn't too much trouble,

he'd like to show me
a special recipe.

I hate Brussels sprouts!

Well, he likes them
and he's our guest.

Why?

When I left this morning,
I said make him disappear!

No, you didn't.

You asked me to get him
back where he belongs.

That's much harder
than making him disappear.

You could make him
disappear from our house

and appear in his house.

Wouldn't do any good.

He'd see where he was
and come right back.

Samantha, you're stalling.

Well...

You've used your powers

to solve much tougher
problems than this.

Since when do you want me
to use witchcraft?

You always want me not to.

That's true. However...
However what?

This time, I'm willing
to make an exception.

MR. KRAVITZ: Mrs. Stephens?

Yes?

If it's not too much trouble,
where do I find the anchovies?

Second cabinet to the right.

Thank you.

Why does he need anchovies?

To stuff the Brussels sprouts.

Yuck!

You can make him
disappear from our house

and appear in San Francisco.

Darrin, our aim isn't merely
to get rid of him.

It's to reunite him
with his wife.

Send her to San Francisco too.

They have to reunite
of their own free will.

Of course, I suppose

I could go
and see Mrs. Kravitz

and try to reason with her,
wife to wife.

When?

Now?

Fine.

Good luck.

Brussels sprouts.

[CRYING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Mrs. Kravitz, I...

There's been an accident!

Mrs. Kravitz, your husband
is in perfectly good health.

Scout's honor?

Scout's honor.

I'm sorry to hear it.

Could we go in and sit down
and have a little talk?

Why not?

If Mr. Kravitz asked you
to beg me to forgive him,

you're wasting your time.

Oh, he didn't beg me,
Mrs. Kravitz.

As a matter of fact,
he doesn't even know.

I'm doing
very nicely without him.

I like this peace and quiet.

I was gonna throw that
in the garbage.

Oh, were you?

Or were you looking at it
because you miss him?

Absolutely not!

I wouldn't miss him
with a 10-foot pole.

I like this peace and quiet.

[SOBS] Oh, Mrs. Stephens.

I miss him so much,
I don't know what to do.

I'm an unhappy ship
floating down a lonely river,

and this is
my ninth handkerchief today.

Mrs. Kravitz, I am sorry.

I'll tell Mr. Kravitz
to come home right away.

Over my dead body!

I want him to want to come home.

I want him to get
on his hands and knees

and say that
he can't live without me.

What if he's too stubborn
to admit it?

I'll kill him.

Oh, I see.

You have
just as much pride as he,

and he's the man,

so it's up to him
to make the first move.

I stand on that principle.
Is that unreasonable?

No, Mrs. Kravitz,
I can't say that it is.

What would you say
to a little compromise plan?

By whom?

By me...

and our mutual
living room windows.

I just took a king.
You're not concentrating.

I guess I was
still thinking about

the Brussels sprouts
stuffed with anchovies.

Gin.

Guess who I can see from here.

Why, it's Mrs. Kravitz.

Loser deals.

She has a new hairdo.

Yes, I noticed.

Very becoming.

Did you see her negligee?

Oh, yes.
Very dainty and feminine.

That's enough shuffling.
Deal!

Boy, when Mrs. Abner Kravitz
puts her mind to it,

she sure can look appealing.

[INAUDIBLE]

I don't want it.
Do you?

Gin.

On the first card?

What luck!

It wasn't luck.
It was skill.

Samantha, I'm not a man
given to rash statements,

but Abner Kravitz,

alias
"The Brussels sprouts kid,"

has been our houseguest
for two nights.

And this is the second day,
and I have had it!

Shh.

Which upsets you more?

The sonic-boom snoring
or the Brussels sprouts?

What I object to most
is the invasion of our privacy.

I'd always hoped that
our family would be enlarged,

but what I had in mind
was a baby.

Well, cheer up.
We've got one.

A middle-aged,

bouncing baby boy.

He misses his wife

just as much
as his wife misses him.

He'd go back to her in a second

if his ego weren't playing
such a silly game

of who's going to crack first.

I'll tell you
who's going to crack... I am!

Darrin!

Good morning, my genial hosts.

Good morning.

Mrs. Stephens,
if it isn't too much trouble,

would you mind taking my shirts

in your delivery
to the laundry today?

Thank you very much.

Mr. Kravitz,

I have observed that whenever
you ask my wife for a favor,

you always finish
or start with the words

"If it's not
too much trouble."

And I end with "Thank you."

I always try to be polite.

That is very admirable.

However,
there are certain requests

that are too much trouble.

SAMANTHA:
Now, not at all, darling.

Mr. Kravitz, you just
set them down over there.

I'll be happy
to take them for you.

Thanks.

Oh, Mr. Stephens?

What?

You had the paper first
yesterday.

It's my paper, isn't it?

Okay, if that's your attitude,
I'll get my paper.

Excuse me.

How do you do, Madam?
I represent...

Kiss me!

I beg your pardon?

Kiss me.

I want to make
my husband jealous.

Lady, don't go to extremes.

If you don't want to buy,
just slam the door in my face.

Darrin?

What?

Can you sleep?

No.

Neither can I.

Bet I know why.

Why?

We've gotten so adjusted
to Mr. Kravitz's snoring,

that the one night he doesn't,
it keeps us awake.

That's probably it.

Doesn't make any sense,
but that's probably it.

Sort of at a standstill,
aren't we?

Mm-hmm.

You have any ideas?

No. Do you?

Yes, but it's only half an idea.

Now, since we can't reunite

the Kravitzes
while they're awake,

perhaps I can reunite them
while they're asleep.

It sounds logical.

I thought if by witchcraft...

I gave each of them

the same dream
at the same time...

Go ahead, I'm listening.

That's all.

That's why
it's only half an idea.

Some kind of dream

that would make them realize
how much they love each other,

so when they woke up,

they'd rush
into each other's arms!

Exactly!

Suggest a dream.

You suggest a dream.
It's your half an idea.

It should be about a time

when they were both
blissfully happy.

Like when they were single.

That's perfect.

Sam, I was being sarcastic.

That's absolutely perfect!

When is the happiest day
in a man's life

in relation to his wife
before they were married?

When he first finds out

she isn't going to need
$3,000 worth of dental work.

Wrong.

The day he proposes
and she accepts.

It's the happiest day
for her too.

Possibly.

Possibly?

Wasn't it
the happiest day for you?

I guess so.

Yes, it was.

Same here.
So that's what I'll do.

I'll make them both dream
of his proposal...

Don't go away.

I'll be right back.

Abner and Gladys Kravitz,
sweet dreams.

[GIGGLING]

How was your class in Home Ec?

Oh, keen.

How was your class
in Business Ed?

Keen.

But my favorite class
is Scandinavian Lit.

So's mine.

Why?
You tell me first.

Well, my favorite class
is Scandinavian Lit...

because in it I sit next to

a certain Miss Gladys Gruber.

Gladys Gruber. Some name!

I think it's beautiful.

It's too guttural.

Gladys Gruber, Gladys Gruber.

Maybe you'd like to change it.

Change it to what?

To Gladys Kravitz.

It isn't much
of an improvement, but...

Gladys...

I love you.

I've loved you from the moment

you fell off the truck
on my fraternity hayride.

I want you to be my wife,

to travel my life highway,
sharing my joys and sorrows.

Abner, is this a proposal?

If it wasn't a proposal,
would I have bought this?

[SQUEALS]

It's keen!

You've got your fingers
over the diamond.

I wanted to buy you a diamond
as big as my heart,

but they don't make one.

Even if they did,
I couldn't afford it.

This is big enough.

My needs are simple:

kindness, understanding,
a nice winter coat.

Does that mean
the answer is yes?

Didn't you know it would be?

I wasn't sure.
I only hoped.

"As the years glide swiftly by,

our love will bloom in beauty
like a rose."

Oh!

[GIGGLING]

The end.

Now all I have to do

is wake them up

and let them take it
by themselves from here.

Fascinating!

What?

Being married to you.

Will it work?

I hope so.

Gladys! Where are you?

Abner.

Abner, where are you?

Now, let's go look
out the window.

At what?

At their reunion.

Abner!

Gladys!

You know what might be
a nice touch?

What?

The way they do it
in the movies.

[♪♪♪]

Well, that's that.

Congratulations.

I just started the ball rolling.

It wouldn't have worked
if they didn't love each other.

As much as we do?

Maybe.

No. No, that is impossible.

Ooh!

Okay. Whoops.

Now, where's
the blank verse?
Well...

Here you are.

There once was
a girl named Sam...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi. I'm back.

We're both here this time.

How nice.

To thank you
for your hospitality,

and also to give you
a small token of our esteem.

Thank you very much.

Yes, but you shouldn't have.

It's an expensive
vegetable dish.

You were so good to Abner.

I have a funny feeling

it was you who put us
back together again.

A very funny feeling.

Oh, it's beautiful!

Thank you again.

Ideal for Brussels sprouts.

I brought some champagne,

but I see you've got
some already.

DARRIN: Yes.

We were planning
on celebrating our reunion too.

Maybe we shouldn't intrude.

Intrude?
On these people?

You gotta be kidding.

Right?

Right.

We'll cool the champagne
and make a night of it.

Right?

Darrin?

Right.

Here's to dreams.

That come true.

I'll drink to that.

[♪♪♪]