All language subtitles for Bewitched S01E24 Which Witch Is Which 1080p AI Upscale DVD x265 HEVC 10bit AC3-Vertag_track3_[und]

[GROANS]

Where are you off to
in such a hurry?

Shopping.

It's Dollar Day.

Is that good?

Marvelous! Everything's on sale.

You can pick up
some terrific bargains.

Aha!

I suspected David
wasn't doing so well.

Darrin.
And he's doing just fine.

Bargain-hunting's a challenge.
It's fun.

It's a great pleasure
for mortal women.

Poor dears.

If you're not doing anything,
why don't you come along?

We can have lunch.

Well, it might be interesting

to see how the other half
amuse themselves.

You like it?

Very nice.

This, darling,
is what I call a real bargain.

Cost nothing.

Try it my way, Mother.

It's the challenge of the thing.
You'll see.

[♪♪♪]

[EXCITED CHATTERING]

[BELL CHIMING]

I saw it first.

Oh, Mrs. Stephens!

Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.

It's not my color, anyway.

All by yourself?

Oh, no.

Well, Mother's
around here somewhere.

Well, happy hunting.

Look, Samantha.

Ninety percent off over there!

[WOMEN SCREAM]

Mother, really!

Oh, I should have thought
of that 30 minutes ago.

How about this one?

Oh, Samantha, it's dull.

You've grown so conservative.

Well, it's reduced
from $12.95 to $6.99.

That's a saving of...

Five dollars
and ninety-six cents.

And so what?

So what?

I can enjoy another
mortal pleasure.

When you've saved enough
on bargains,

you're entitled to splurge.

Now, that's really fun.

Uh-oh.

I'll never make it.
Make what?

I have a fitting upstairs
this afternoon,

and I can't do that
and the marketing too.

And the chops are on special.

I'd love to help you, Samantha.

Chops.

Butcher-haggling
just doesn't appeal to me.

But I could fill in on
the dress-fitting, though.

You don't mean...?

I do.

Oh, Mother, you wouldn't.

I mean, you couldn't, not here
in front of all these people.

Ah, you know how subtle
I can be.

Stiglem, staglem, sticks!

[IN ENDORA'S VOICE]:
Well?

What do you think?

I think my voice has changed.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[IN SAMANTHA'S VOICE]:
Not even your dressmaker

will know for sure.

Is that better?

Much.

Where do I go?

Fourth floor.

[BELL CHIMING]

There we are.

Oh!

[CHUCKLES]

Helen!

Excuse me, uh, do you
have the time?

One thirty.

Oh, that's exactly what I have.

May I buy you a drink
to celebrate?

You should be ashamed
of yourself, sonny.

I saw the whole thing.

What?

I saw the whole thing,
Mrs. Stephens.

Honestly!
The nerve of some people.

Well, uh, did you
find your mother?

Yes.

I know exactly where she is.

Good.

I'd like to meet her sometime.

Really?

That would be a thrill for you.

She's marvelous.

A thoroughly fascinating woman.

Yes.

Bye.

Well, hello there.

Hello.

How have you been?

Just fine.

And you?

Only fair.

But now that I've met you,

things are bound to get better.

My name is Bob Frazer.
Robert E. Frazer Jr.

I think I just met Senior.

Oh, yeah.

How is old Dad?

His watch works,

otherwise he's a little rusty.

Crude too, I bet.

Probably offered to buy you
a drink right off.

And of course,
I would have said no,

even if I hadn't been going
for a dress-fitting.

I'm terribly embarrassed.

I favor my mother's side
of the family.

Perhaps after your fitting

I could buy you a cup of tea
to make amends.

Oh.

[DINGS]

[RINGS]

Hello.

You're under arrest for
not reading my latest novel.

Bob! Where you been?

I thought you were gonna
drop by the office

the minute you hit town.

My publisher had other ideas.

I'm stuck here at Blighton's
department store,

autographing books.

Say no more. I get the picture.

And you met this
beautiful young thing.

You're not coming by
at all, right?

Affirmative.
But don't fret.

If she has a friend,
I'll fix you up.

Oh, thanks,

but I don't think
my wife would approve.

You took the plunge,
poor old buddy?

Affirmative.
And I want you to meet her.

How about dinner tomorrow night?

Well, uh, can I call you?

If I have any luck
with this girl,

I may not make it until Friday.

Oh, make it any time at all,
and bring her along.

Thanks, old buddy. Talk to you.

Bye.

Hmm!

Oh, it's stunning.

Stunning!

Do you really think so?

Oh, yes. I only wish
I had your figure.

So do I.

But the back,
it's so conservative.

Well, I don't know.

I suppose it could be lowered
a smidgen.

I think that would help.

And why don't we
lower the front,

say, two smidgens?

I'll get the seamstress.

I'm so glad you're not
one of these women

who dress for other women.

Oh! I take it you're
a two-smidgen man.

I haven't found a thing,

but I see you have.

Yes.
And I wasn't looking.

Is she a friend of yours?

I hope not.

You're my kind of girl.

I may pattern the heroine
of my next book after you.

You're a writer?

You sound like my publisher.

I write historical romances
which the clever public ignores.

If you're not careful,

I just may present you

with an autographed copy

of Helen of Troy.

Oh, I read that.

Oh!

Well, I hope you won't
hold it against me.

It was very amusing.

Of course,
Helen was nothing like that.

She had a face that would have
sunk ships, not launched them,

and knock-kneed.

You must have loved
studying history.

Living it was more fun.

Yes?

Well... Well, perhaps you could
help me with my research.

How are you on the Borgias?

The things I could tell you
about Lucrezia.

Well, I wish you would.

Let's have dinner
and talk about it.

Well...

why not?

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Hi, sweetheart. How are you?

Fine.

You sound like
you're working late

and you won't be home
for dinner.

No, I'll be there.

I just called to tell you
I got in touch with Bob Frazer.

Do I know him?

Uh, he's the writer,
my old buddy.

You remember?
I told you about him.

Oh, yes.

Seems the minute he hit town,

he got involved with
some raving beauty.

I asked him to bring her along,
but he had other ideas.

Good.

The last thing we need in
this house is a raving beauty.

Correction, my love:
another raving beauty.

That's sweet.

Oh, honey, I tried to get
in touch with you earlier.

Where were you?

I was shopping for bargains
with Mother.

Mother.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

As a matter of fact, it was.

She's been very helpful
and sweet lately.

You have wonderful hands,
Samantha.

Hmm!

And the longest lifeline
I've ever seen.

It runs in the family.

You should see my mother's.

Shall we drink to her?

Well, why don't we?

She's a marvelous woman.

You're quite a woman, Samantha.

You combine the wisdom
of the ages

with all that's modern
and swinging.

If you're ever
up against it, Bobby,

you can always write
fortune cookies.

Abner...

Oh!

Now, don't blame me.

My cookie said to be
more affectionate.

Mine says,
"Beware of chance meetings."

[♪♪♪]

[SPECTATORS CHEERING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Ugh!

Hello?

Hi, sweetheart. Bob just called.

He can't make it
to dinner tonight.

Oh?

Why not?

Well, he and this new girlfriend
he just met

made a killing at the track.

They're going out to celebrate.

She's sensational.

Sensational-looking?

I don't know.
I haven't seen her.

But you think she's sensational?

Well, Bob's been raving
about her.

Besides,
she sounds like my type:

blond hair, green eyes,
crazy turned-up nose.

Sounds like me.

Exactly. That's my type.

I'll see you tonight.

Bye, sweetheart.

[♪♪♪]

Oh!
Guess who, darling.

Stop that!
What are you doing?

Oh, sorry. Wrong ear.

Say, what's the matter, honey?

Did you get out of bed
on the wrong side?

Which side of the bed
I get out on

is nobody's business
but my husband's.

Your who?

My husband's.

And if you don't leave me alone,

I'm gonna report you
to the management.

Well, you didn't tell me
you were married.

Not that it would've made
any difference,

but you should have told me,
Samantha.

You know me?

Well, I thought I did.

I thought I knew all week,

ever since we met here
a few days ago.

We met... here?

Yes.

You were trying on
that marvelous dress

with the, uh...

Uh...

Don't you think you
ought to explain a little?

Well, you see...

Um, uh...

If you did know me,
it wasn't me you knew.

Darling, that doesn't
make any sense.

Yes, I...

I could explain all this to you.

But it would just be
even more confusing.

Let's just pretend
it never happened.

Goodbye.

Well... Samantha, wait! Samantha!

Mother.

Mother, I want to talk to you.

What can I do for you, dear?

For a start,
you can stop being me.

Wha...? Whatever
do you mean?

Never mind the innocent act.

Your boyfriend just nuzzled
both my ears.

Oh! He is
an affectionate rascal.

Mother, how could you?

Oh, it was easy.

And we did start out to have
such a nice rapport.

Well, it's over.

A thing like this could lead
to complications.

Besides, it isn't fair to him.
Mortals are very vulnerable.

Now, I want your promise that
you'll never see him again.

But we have a lunch date!

Mother!

Well, I wouldn't have to eat.

I could just say goodbye.

No, Mother, absolutely not.

Well, I don't see any harm

in a simple "Goodbye,
Bobby Frazer. It's been fun."

Bob Frazer?

I call him Bobby.

He's a writer.

Have you heard of him?

Heard of him?

He's a friend of Darrin's.

Oh, dear.

It's a bit of a sticky wicket,
isn't it?

Sticky?

Oh, Mother, how could you
have picked him, of all people?

I didn't pick him.
He picked me.

I mean, you.
Or, uh, us.

He's coming here
for dinner tonight.

Maybe I could phone him
and discourage him.

He doesn't discourage easily,
dear.

Did you tell him
you were married?

Yes.

Well, it helps.

Helps what?

Well, I'll simply keep
my lunch date with him

and tell him I love my husband.

Or your husband, that is.

He'll behave himself.

You think it'll work?

It'll have to.

Unless you have a better idea.

Only one.

What's that?

Murder.

I was afraid after that incident
in the store this morning

that you wouldn't come.

What incident?

When I kissed you on the ear.

Oh, how sweet.

At the time,
you didn't seem to think so.

Oh, well,
I'm very unpredictable.

Don't let it bother you.

Bother me?
It's driving me crazy.

Bobby, there's something
I have to say.

Oh, this business
about your husband again.

Yes.

Look, darling, we're adults.

You don't have to draw me
a picture.

I've written this scene
a hundred times.

I doubt it.

Your marriage didn't work out,

you don't know what you ever saw
in your husband,

you didn't want to tell me

because you were afraid
how I'd take it.

Now, isn't that true?

Not exactly.

Now, please don't feel guilty.

We've just had four
marvelous days together.

And tonight I want
to introduce you

to my friend Darrin Stephens.

I'm dying for you two to meet.

Oh, I'll be there.
Good.

With Darrin.

He's my husband.

Boy, there's a weird echo
in this place.

I thought you said Darrin
was your husband.

I did.

Ours was just an innocent
little flirtation,

but it's gone far enough.

I only kept this luncheon date

to explain things

and urge you not to mention
any of this to my husband.

On one condition.

Anything.

Look me in the eyes and tell me

that Darrin Stephens is the most
wonderful man in the world.

ENDORA:
Please! Not while I'm eating.

Um, could you rephrase that?

Tell me I don't mean anything
to you, that you love him.

Who?

Your husband.

Must I?

"I love Darrin Stephens."
Say it.

I... love... Darrin Stephens.

Not very convincing.

Promise you won't
say anything tonight.

Not a word.

Abner, come here!

What is it?

That man, he's at
their front door.

With flowers!

Maybe he's a florist.

Honey, you're gonna
love this guy.

Hi, old buddy!
Bob!

Ha-ha!
I've finally made it.

Well, come on in.
Come on in.

Gee, it's good to see you.

I'd like you to meet my wife.

Sam, Bob.
Bob, Sam.

Funny, I feel like
I already know you.

Oh, how nice.

Excuse me. I think
I'll go put these in water.

Well, how about a drink? We got
a lot of catching up to do.

Yeah, I'll say.

How would you feel

if I invited one of
my boyfriends to dinner?

Fine. Just make sure
he can play pinochle.

Well, what do you
think of Samantha?

Isn't she something?

She certainly is.

Darrin, I...

I promised I wouldn't do this,

but, uh, it's important.

I've got to talk to you
privately.

Well, uh, talk.

Oh, well, I don't quite know
how to say it, but, uh...

I guess the best thing
is to come out with it.

The girl I met,

the one I was telling you about.

Yeah?

I think I'm falling in love
with her.

Oh, Bob, that's wonderful!

Yes, but the problem
is she's married.

Ooh! That makes it rough.

Worse yet, I know her husband.

Oh, he's a great guy.

Does he know
what's been going on?

No.

I think I should tell him,
don't you?

By all means.

Oh, I'm so glad
you feel this way, Darrin.

You see, the girl
I'm in love with is Samantha.

So, um... So I'm telling you.

What's so funny?

You are, you dog.
You haven't changed a bit.

You're still pulling the same
old corny practical jokes.

I'm not joking.

I've been dating your wife
for a week.

That's great.
I hope you enjoyed it.

Honey, why don't you
tell me about you and Bob?

He told you?

I'm sorry, darling.
I had to.

Darling?

Darrin, I'll explain later.

You'll explain now.

Don't... Don't bully her.
You stay out of this!

Darrin, it wasn't Bob's fault.

It was Mother's.

Nobody thinks any less
of your mother than I do,

but let's not try
and hang this on her.

How did your mother...?
Why don't you shut up?

With magic.
Ma...

I think we'd better talk.
Come on. This way.

Excuse us.

All right, explain yourself.

You won't like it, Darrin.

I want the whole story.
Straight.

[SIGHS]

I had to be
in two places at once,

so Mother volunteered
to double for me.

That's when she met Bob.

She met Bob?

Then it really is Endora?

Afraid so, darling.

This is ridiculous.

How am I going to tell him

he's fallen in love
with my mother-in-law?

Well, did you decide anything?

Bob, it's all straightened out.

You mind telling me how?

After all, I got a pretty
important stake in this.

Well, uh,

it was all a joke.

A joke?

What was so funny
about Staten Island?

Staten Island?

I wouldn't know.

Oh! Well, then,
who would?

ENDORA:
I would, Bobby.

Oh!

Oh, ho!

Talk about putting somebody on!

Identical twins.

I should've guessed.

ENDORA:
Of course you should.

Anyone can see
I'm much prettier.

I'd better start dinner.

Need help?

Thanks.

Oh, I've gotta hand it to you,
old buddy.

When you arrange a double date,

you really arrange
a double date.

Goodbye, Darrin.
It's been great.

Thanks a lot
for a marvelous dinner.

Well, come again anytime.

How about tomorrow?

That's not such a good idea.

No, tomorrow's bad for us.

Me too. I'm flying up to Boston
in the morning.

He flies too.

Isn't that marvelous?

Goodbye, Donald.

Phew!

They're leaving!

Together!

Who?

Mrs. Stephens
and that man.

Well, it's one thing to neck
in a Chinese restaurant,

but when she brings him
right into her own home!

Gladys, will you stop?

That woman is shameless,

and I'm gonna do something
about it.

I'm going to bed.

If I were running around
like that,

wouldn't you want to be told?

Yes, and soon.

I've known Bob since college

and I've never seen him fall
like that.

I guess she's his type.

Did your mother promise
to give up her masquerade?

Mm-hm.

Can you trust her?

She gave me her solemn oath.

I just hope it doesn't
break Bob's heart.

He'll get over it.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[SIGHS]

Mr. Stephens, your wife has...

Your wife!

Your wife!

Your wife!

I guess it was
nothing important.

[♪♪♪]