All language subtitles for Bewitched S01E09 The Girl Reporter 1080p AI Upscale DVD x265 HEVC 10bit AC3-Vertag_track3_[und]

["HOME, SWEET HOME" PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]

Enough is enough.

It's about time I paid
some attention to you.

Oh, don't worry about me.
I'm practicing my button sewing.

Getting pretty
good too. See?

Oh, that's marvelous.

But the workaday world is over.

Friday night. Time
for excitement and romance.

Oh, marvelous.
Where are we going?

Going? We're not
going anywhere.

Excitement, romance, you said.

That goes with black ties,
champagne and dancing,

doesn't it?

We don't have
to get that excited.

Oh, I see.
No champagne or dancing?

You can wear my black tie
if you like.

Oh, thank you, darling.

I love you with all my heart.

But nothing in this world
is going to get me

to put my shoes back on,
let alone a black tie.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, I just thought we'd
sit around here together,

just the two of us, you know.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Oh, grab that, will you, honey?

Oh, sure.

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Yes, he is.
Just a minute, please.

Darrin?

It's for you.

Thank you, honey. Hello?

Oh, yes!

Yes!

Well, you are an
eager beaver, aren't you?

Tonight would be fine.

Well, I'm looking forward
to meeting you too.

Yes, yes, goodbye.

Who was that?

An admirer.

An admirer of what?

Of me.

I'm to be interviewed
as the prototype

of the successful young
advertising executive.

Oh, really, Darrin?

For newspapers and magazines,
television? Something like that?

Something like that.

Which one?

A paper.

Which one?

A local paper.

Which one?

A local school paper.

Oh. Which one?

A local junior college paper

by a local junior college
journalism student.

Well, I think that's very nice.

Well, it's a start anyway.

No telling where
I'll go from there.

Oh, well, I'm very proud of you.

Was that his mother who called?

No, that was her.

Her?

Sorry, "she."

Oh, well, how did her, um...
she pick on you?

She saw my picture in the paper
when we moved in.

Oh, yes. That was
a wonderful picture.

You looked sort of fearless
and sexy, as I recall.

Somehow that photographer
caught me, didn't he?

Where are you going?

Put a tie on.
It doesn't look nice like this.

Oh, I see.

Sam, will you fix
some cold drinks, sandwiches,

things like that?

Why don't you just
give me a quarter

and I'll go to the movies?

I can't tell you
how much I appreciate

your letting me
come over tonight.

You're an important
term project I've got.

Well, I'm flattered.

It's really fascinating how much
you look like your picture.

Oh, yes.

Somehow that photographer
caught m...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Yes, thank you.

Can we offer you something?

Please don't go to any bother.

Oh, it's no bother.
Hmm?

It's no bother.
I have sandwiches all ready.

You're very sweet

and I'll try not to keep
your husband for too long.

Oh, well, I appreciate that.

You know, I think
creative advertising

is among the more fascinating
avocations in the world today.

Yes, I suppose it is.

And I never expected

that anyone who was so
successful in that field

would be, well, as young
as you, Mr. Stephens.

Well, I'm not that young,
Miss Randall,

although most men in my position

are a bit older, I guess.

Baloney.
Hmm?

And there's some corned beef
and liverwurst

and some of that wonderful
smelly cheese too.

My husband's simply crazy
about that.

No, thank you.

But I would like
a little something

to cool me off.

Yes, of course.

One thing I'm dying to know
is where you got that idea

for that wonderful
Caldwell Soup campaign.

"The only thing that will
ever come between us."

It's an inspired slogan.

Well, how did you know
that was mine?

I've made quite a study
of you, Mr. Stephens.

Well, I am flattered,
Miss Randall.

Please call me Liza.

[LAUGHS]
Very well, Liza.

And I'll call you Darrin.

That is if Mrs. Stephens
doesn't mind.

Oh, no.

Of course not.

He's been called
worse than that.

My wife has a great
sense of humor.

We practically never
stop laughing around here.

[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY]

[CEASES AWKWARDLY]

I suppose you find it difficult

to accomplish anything at home.

What do you mean by that?

She means business, dear.

Oh, well, I guess we better
just stop laughing

so you can get down
to some serious work.

You see what I mean?

Actually, I do find the office
more conducive, yes.

I thought so.

And as long as we have a date
to go down there tomorrow,

I won't have to keep you
any longer tonight.

Tomorrow?

Well, when Liza...
Um, Miss Randall

called me the other day
about the interview,

I suggested she come
down to the office

on Saturday when it's quiet

so I can show her around,
you see?

Oh, yes, I see.

Liza's never seen
a real advertising agency.

Oh, well, I suppose everyone
should see one sooner or later.

Is 9:00 all right?

That will be fine.

In the morning?

Well, of course in the morning.

Nice to have met you,
Mrs. Stephens.

Oh, wonderful
to have met you, Liza.

Wonderful to have met you.

Wonderful to have...

Nice meeting you, Liza.

See you in the morning, Darrin.

Yes, good night, Liza.

Nice little girl, isn't she?

Rather big for a little girl.

What do you mean?

You certainly seem

to bring out the woman in her.

Oh, come on.

All young girls are impressed
by an older man.

Well, you certainly are that.

Especially an older man
who doesn't look his age.

Vanity, thy name is human.

What's wrong with being human?
At least I'm not a...

A what?

Now, Sam...

Sam, now, cut that out!

You're not jealous
of a schoolkid, are you?

Not a what?

A teenage freckle-faced
schoolkid

in short socks and sneakers...

when I have something like you?

Like what?

A fascinating,
bewitching, beguiling...

You convinced me.

I think it's a shame you have
to go to the office today.

I won't be long.
Why don't you come with us?

No, thank you. I've got
a lot of housework to do.

It's almost 9:15.

Where is our little...?
Sam.

Typical American schoolkid

with freckles,
short socks and sneakers?

That is a very accurate
description of Liza Randall.

It's also a very
accurate description

of Huckleberry Finn.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, well, now, you finish
your breakfast.

I'll get it.

Good morning.

Well, good morning.

Is Darr...? Is Mr. Stephens
ready?

Just about.

Why don't you come in, Liza,
and make yourself comfortable?

It'll only be a minute.

I'll tell Mr. Ste...
Darrin that you're here.

Who is it?

Typical American schoolkid

with freckles, silk stockings

and French heels.

Liza?

Well, it ain't Huckleberry Finn.

Well, honey, why didn't you
ask her to come in?

Come on in, Liza.

Good morning, Darrin.

Well, good morning.

Oh, sit down.
Make yourself comfortable.

Thank you.

Don't let me rush you.

I'm ready any time you are.

Yes. Um... would
you care for some coffee?

No, thank you.

I'll be right with you

as soon as I finish my legs.

Eggs.

LIZA:
I don't mind waiting.

After all, your wife's been nice
enough to lend you to me

for a whole day.

Yes, of course. Why don't
you two get started?

I mean, you want
to get home before dark.

Are you sure
you won't come with us?

Oh, no. I've got loads
to do around here.

You two go ahead and have fun.

All right.

Let's go, Liza.

I'll give him my undivided
attention, Mrs. Stephens,

so we won't waste a moment.

See you later, honey.
We won't be late.

Yes, well, be very careful.

Hmm?

Driving.
Oh, of course.

See you later, Mrs. Stephens.

Oh, yes, Li... Uh, Liza.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

Mrs. Stephens?

Yes?

My name is Marvin Grogan.

They call me Monster.

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you.
And you?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you.

Mrs. Stephens, I believe
that was your husband

who just left here in a car.

That's right.

Well, a woman named Liza Randall

was seated next to him.

I know that too.

Very, very next to him.

Now that you mention it,
it did catch my eye.

Mrs. Stephens, I don't know
how disturbed you are,

but it might
interest you to know

that I'm very disturbed.

I don't think

there's anything
to be disturbed about.

You'll pardon me
if I disagree with you.

One, Liza Randall
is engaged to me.

Two...

we have a standing date
every Saturday morning

which she broke to go shopping
with her mother,

which we both know
she didn't do any such thing.

Three, she's made it very plain

that she's out
to get your husband.

Well, I really don't think
it's that serious.

Four, this is not the first time

a situation like this
has come up.

You see, Liza has what you call
a mother complex,

only with fathers.

Five, what Liza Randall wants
Liza Randall gets unless...

Unless what?

Unless you can come up
with a better suggestion,

I have decided to break
your husband in half.

Um, why don't you
come inside, Monster?

I think you're right.

There's definitely something
to be disturbed about.

Once the preliminary
sketches are made,

then we get together with
our copywriters and artists,

see if we can't improve
upon them.

And of course, we have, um...
photographic layout.

Do many women pose for you?

Well, for the photographers,
actually.

Your wife is
very jealous, isn't she?

No more or less than any woman.

Have you known many women?

Liza, did you come down here
to study advertising techniques

or to ask me a lot
of personal questions

that are none of your business?

You're a very sensitive man.

Well, you could say that, yes.

Sensitive men are exciting.

They're so...

so...

Sensitive?

Yes.

Yes.

Now, why don't we get
into some examples

of overall composition?

All right.

Would you like another
stack of pancakes, Monster?

No, thank you,
Mrs. Stephens.

Eight or nine stacks
are about all I can go.

I ate all your sausage
and bacon too.

I've got a lot of hostility,
I guess.

Well, I'd rather you attacked
my icebox than my husband

anytime.

Are you feeling better?

Pretty good.

Except that when I
get emotional,

I burn up an awful lot of sugar.

I get a sweet tooth.
Oh.

You got any pie?

Yes. I think so.

What kind of pie do you prefer?

I'm very fond of apple.

Well, it seems I recall
a fresh-baked apple pie.

But I'm crazy
about banana-cream.

Oh. Well,
aren't you lucky?

It isn't apple at all.

But banana-cream is pretty rich

so I try to stick with apple
when I'm in training.

Oh, wonderful.

Which I'm not at the moment.

Here.

Half apple
and half banana-cream?

A Stephens specialty, Monster.

Enjoy yourself and let your
conscience be your guide.

Mmm.

Now, as you can see
by this analysis curve,

the public's taste changes
with the times.

It isn't enough
for an advertising man

to have imagination.

He has to have a sympathetic
eye and ear

to what the public wants
and what they need.

A product's success depends
upon its public acceptance

and that acceptance will depend

upon an image created
for that product

by an advertising executive.

Take clothing styles,
for instance.

Oh!

A different designer dominates
the field each year.

Cheers.

Then the public chooses
one above all the others.

Now, of course, what we have...

[COUGHING]

[CHOKES]
What's in that drink?

Root beer?

Root beer and what?
Scotch.

Scotch?

Well, what's that?
Gin.

Gin? Give me that.
Oh!

Oh, for heaven's sake.

There's a towel over there.
Will you get it for me, please?

All right, yes.
You ought to be spanked.

What's the matter
with you anyway?

Nothing's the matter with me

and I wish you wouldn't talk to
me as if I were 12 years old.

You're absolutely right.
I do apologize.

A 12-year-old child
would have more sense

than to pull a foolish
stunt like that.

You do that.

That's all right.
I don't mind.

I'd like to be your father
for just about 5 minutes.

Oh, I wouldn't care
for that at all.

I like being who I am and
I like you the way you are.

Never mind that.

Just put some water on the towel

and soak the gin
out of your dress.

You know how zealously we guard
our corporate image, Tate.

The keynote of all
our advertising is dignity.

Oh, by all means, dignity.

And let me assure you,
Mr. Austen,

your campaign is going
to be designed

by one of our most talented and
dignified account executives.

Well, that's good to hear.

I'm glad we spotted
his car downstairs.

You know, he often comes
into the office on Saturdays.

He's an extremely
dedicated young man.

I'd like to have you meet him.

Be happy to.

Listen to me, young lady.

There's been enough
of this nonsense.

Well, we haven't done a thing.

We have done all we're going to.

Oh, look out!

Hi, Larry.

I think we are intruding.

Ah...

I don't think so.

Mr. Johnson,

have you seen Darrin Stephens
this morning?

No, I haven't, but when I do,

I'll certainly tell him
you were looking for him.

Thank you.

Nice to see you again,
Mrs. Johnson.

All right, let's go.

Isn't that cute?
He married us.

You have all the material
you need

for a truly fascinating thesis.

We are leaving by way
of the freight elevator.

Who's gonna break
the news to your wife?

Move.

And so you see, Monster,

it's easy to understand why
an impressionable girl like Liza

would be momentarily smitten
by a man like my husband.

Maturity has
its own fascination.

I guess so.

If I were you, I'd just
forget all about it.

Oh, I haven't thought about Liza
for almost a half an hour.

That's a record for me.

That's wonderful.

Listening to you explain it,

it suddenly comes to me
what a child she is,

immature and like that.

Well, she's still
very young, Monster.

Yes, she is,
and I realize that now.

And like you say, maturity
sure is fascinating.

You're beginning
to look hungry again.

I think I ought
to fix you something to eat.

Mrs. Stephens,
I'm not gonna lie to you.

I am getting hungry again.

But I just want you to know
that this has been

the most fascinating
morning of my life.

I'll tell you
the truth, Monster.

It's been a pretty fascinating
morning for me too.

I hope you mean that.

[DOOR OPENS]

Monster! Oh, please
control yourself!

Please don't do anything rash!

What's that I smell
all over you?

Gin.

Monster, this is my husband.

Darrin, this is Marvin Grogan.

They call him Monster.

Gin?

That's right.

That's Scotch if
I ever smelled anything.

The Scotch is on me,
the gin is on Liza.

How do you do, Monster?

Well, what are you doing

with Scotch all over you
and gin all over Liza?

We just started
to have a simple drink.

A drink?

No one had a drink,

simple or otherwise.

We merely spilled it
on ourselves.

[EXHALES]

There, you see?
Perfectly innocent.

Okay. I burned up a lot of sugar
on account of you.

I came over here

to bruise you up
a little bit, Mr. Stephens.

You have no right
to spy on me, Mr. Grogan.

This is a free country
and I'm a citizen.

Perfectly free as far
as I'm concerned.

May I have my hand back?

Okay. Pleased to meet you.

I've since learned

that there's absolutely
no maturity and fascination

between us,

thanks to Samantha here.

Samantha?

Pay no attention to him, Darrin.

What does he mean "Samantha"?

Don't let this big clod
bother you, Darrin.

Listen to me, both of you.

I think it's about time

both of you went
about your own business.

But, Darrin, my thesis!

If you have questions, just
submit them to me in writing.

But, Darrin...

No buts. Good luck.

Thank you. Goodbye, Samantha.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Well, that's quite a conquest

you've made there.

Well, he's really
quite a nice young man.

Oh, I suppose under
all that sinew and tendon

beats a heart of pure protein.

Oh, Darrin!

"Oh, Darrin," what?

Well, I mean, you're n...?

Oh, Darrin, you're not...?
I mean...

I mean what I mean.
You say what you've got to say.

You're jealous!

Don't be ridiculous.
Me jealous of a...? A...?

Typical American schoolkid

with freckles, short socks
and sneakers.

Well, I... um...

I suppose you're pretty proud
of yourself, aren't you?

She's a very charming person.

Something about which
you don't have the faintest idea

how to be.

What's so unusual
about having charm?

It comes with age,
like wrinkles.

You're jealous!

Me? Jealous?
You've got to be kidding.

Sure!

Liza Randall, the most
irresistible thing to come along

since Brigitte Bardot.

You're jealous. Ha-ha!

Don't you laugh at me,
you monster or so help me...

I want you to know

I'm really very flattered
by this whole thing.

You should be.

Liza happens to be
an extremely pretty girl.

I was talking about Monster.
We had quite a morning.

He was here all morning?

Oh, yes. He arrived
just after you left.

He wanted to break you in half.

Only my charm and three square
meals kept you in one piece.

I want you to know

I put up quiet a valiant
fight myself today.

Oh, really?

It was touch-and-go there
for a moment.

Touch what and go where?

Are you trying to tell me

that it wasn't you who lured him
down to his office?

It was him that lured you?

Mm-hm, Monster, it was
his idea, I swear.

Liza, if you're lying...

If my term project
wasn't so important,

I'd have gone shopping
with my mother.

That does it.

Oh, Monster!

I don't mind telling you

that child got a bit aggressive
at the office.

Child?

That's as fully developed
a woman I've seen in many a day.

You said yourself
she was a typical...

It just doesn't matter
what I said.

You must have given her
some encouragement.

I did nothing of the kind.

I was explaining to her

the rise and fall of a public
acceptance survey chart.

She tried to get me drunk.

Do you really expect me
to believe that?

Of course I do, as much
as you expect me to believe

you were protecting me from
Marvin Musclebound all morning.

Well, I was.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

That big clod
wouldn't hurt a flea.

What did you say?

I said he wouldn't hurt a flea.

You said I was ridiculous.

Who said you were
ridiculous? Me?

Yes, that's what you said.

Oh, let's not fight about it.

Well, that's exactly
what you're doing.

I'm not fighting.
This is no fight.

You're fighting.
It takes two to make a fight.

You started it.
That's one.

And you started it
with me. That's two.

Don't be ridiculous.

All I said was that big clod
wouldn't hurt a flea.

[BANGING AT DOOR]

Monster, please
don't lose your temper.

I'm not going to lose my temper.

I'm merely going to teach him

that when a man has
a wonderful wife like Samantha,

he shouldn't go
after a girl like Liza

who's got a boyfriend like me.

Now, listen to me...

Oh, now, Darrin.
Don't fight with him.

I've had enough
of this silly farce.

What is it you intend to do?

I intend

to close your jaw.

You and who else?

Darrin, no.

[CLANG]

Arggh!

Well, have you had enough?

Why don't you try one there?

[CLANG]

Oh, my hands!

Oh, let me see, Monster!

[MONSTER GROANS]

You've ruined his hands.

He may never make another pass.

Oh, I don't think
that'll stop him.

I think she means
football, dear.

Oh, you... you...

You monster!

Let's get out of here, Liza.

I've got to go soak my hands.

Come on, Marvin.

Hey, that's the first time
you've ever called me Marvin.

Why did you let
that little girl hit me?

Well, sweetheart,
all things considered,

it was the least I could do.

You're still angry, aren't you?

Why would you say that?

[CLANG, CLANG, CLANG]

All right.

You're surrounded.

Throw down your magic and
come out with your hands up.

[♪♪♪]