All language subtitles for Wizards of Waverly Place - S4E21 Wizards of Apartment 13B.en

I'm almost done packing up
all of Alex's stuff,

so we should have no trouble
moving her out of here.

Justin, she hasn't even
found a place to live yet.

Details, details, Dad.

The fact is,
she is moving out.

And whether that means today,
or later today,

or early this evening,
I'm gonna be ready for it.

Oh, Jerry, look
at all this stuff.

Aw, that's Alex's Good Manners
ribbon from first grade.

I remember when she threw
erasers at her teacher
until he gave her that.

Hey, Ma, look what I found.
It's my ostrich nest.

Ugh, it's disgusting,
get rid of it.

Hey, Mom. First of all,
this is where I do my homework.

And second of all...

I don't know why I
just said "second of all."

I hear people
say that sometimes.

Get rid of it, honey,
and while you're at it,

get rid of all the other junk
you've got stored in your room.

How come you guys never
get excited when I show you
something cool?

I mean, even the garbage man
says, "Hey, that's cool,"

before he throws it
in the truck.

Hey, look who's home!

How did the apartment
hunting go? Huh? Any luck?

No pressure, but there's
a moving truck coming
in 15 minutes.

We didn't find anything.

I don't know if
you people realize this,

but finding a cheap
and spacious place to live

in the heart of New York City
is not as easy as it sounds.

Yeah, and it turns out,
when they say an apartment
has "old world charm,"

that means it smells
like boiling cabbage.

Yeah, and when they say,
"light and airy,"

that means there's
a hole in the roof.

Oh, yeah, and don't even
get me started on "quaint."

That means one of us has
to sleep in the bathtub.

- I...
- I already told you no.

Honey, if everybody
advertised the truth,

then we'd have to call
our ham and cheese,
"something and something else."

I thought that finding
a new place would be
a fresh start for me.

Something to get my mind
off my breakup with Mason,

but I guess it's not
really meant to be.

Oh, my gosh.
It's an ad for an apartment.

It's what we've been
looking for, and it's
totally within our price range.

- Come on, Harper!
- Yes! Run, you two!

Run like the wind to catch
your dreams and don't stop
until you get 'em!

And if your dreams aren't there,
then just keep on running!

Whatever you do,
don't come back!

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Wow, this place
is beautiful!

I know. Just blow me up
a mattress, and I'll
sleep in the lobby!

- Well...
- No.

[elevator dings]

Hello, ladies. Welcome
to the Windsor Apartments.

My name is Dexter
Qweezenberry, XXVII.

Named after my father.
And his father before him.

- And his father before...
- Are you really gonna
do that 27 times?

Not anymore.

We're here about
the apartment for rent.

Oh, the flyer.

[chuckles] Come right this way.

I think you're looking
for the 13th floor.

But there is
no 13th floor.

Or is there?

Uh, no, there's not.

Oh, darn it. I could
never do anything dramatic.

There it is.
Let's just go up.

When I saw that you
had the flyer, I knew
you had to be magical.

This secret floor is available
only to wizard world tenants.

- I manage it.
- I never knew these existed.

I know. And there are probably
no rats here because that
lady's snake hair eats them.

So that's a good thing.

Oh, a Christmas elf
in the off-season.

Trash hands. Fancy.

There are hands all over
this floor to help you
with your daily deeds.

Ah, here it is.
Apartment 13B.

These doors all have
combination knocks. Watch.

Four.

Two.

- Three.
- [door unlocks]

Ta-da!

Oh, my goodness,
a real floor!

Oh, my goodness,
a real window!

Yeah, I currently live
in a basement, so...

As you can see, this apartment
has many wonderful amenities,

like this beautiful view.

Ah, of another building's
rusty, old fire escape.

Pretend you didn't see that.
You can choose your own view.

A beach.

A volcano.

My Wiztech graduation.

Go Fighting Trolls.

- [halfhearted] Go.
- Yeah.

Oh, does this fireplace work?

Yeah, but not so good.
Our dragon has a cold.

- Franklin?
- [roaring]

- [both gagging]
- [dragon groans]

It's OK. We'll just
wear sweaters.

So, what do you think, ladies?

- We'll take it.
- Perfect.

Like I said, as long as you're
both wizards, it's all yours.

- Uh, yeah, about that...
- Yeah.

- We're both wizards.
- Then it's settled.

Welcome to the 13th floor
of the Windsor Apartments!

You know, when we
were little girls,

we would hold hands and jump up
and down to celebrate.

But we're women now, so...

Mm-hm.

- We did it!
- We got an apartment!

[both laughing]

We're gonna live together!

This is what we're talking
about, this kind of junk, Max!

My reggae banana
is not junk.

Look what it says
on the back.

[Jamaican accent]
"Eat your potassium, mon."

That's good advice.

Give it to the garbage "mon."

Everybody, good news.
We found an apartment!

- [door slams]
- [footsteps on stairs]

Did you just say you
found an apartment?

Yeah, and that's
not even the best part.

It's a secret wizard apartment
on a secret 13th floor.

- Yes!
- A secret wizard apartment?

[chuckling] I used to
live in one of those.

Man, I had some
wild times in there.

One night, I was in a hot tub
with a Pegasus and there was
all these...

Congratulations, honey.

I know about the Pegasus, Jerry.
And I'm not jealous.

Talk about a horse face.

The only problem is
the apartment has this
"wizards only" policy,

which makes me
kind of nervous.

Well, you can't let a little
thing like that stop you.

Ah, here. This'll make you
look like a wizard.

It's Alex's training wand.

It has one simple function
so you can practice magic

even when you don't have magic.
This one opens things.

Just point it at the object
you want to open,

say "open," and it'll open.

OK, um... Open pretzels.

Oh, no, no, no, this is
too much power for one person.

- Harper, relax!
- OK.

Alex, since you're moving out
and everything,

I decided to give you
a housewarming present.

Thanks.

Doesn't seem like you're
taking it that hard.

Oh, you're right.
Well, what about now?

[sobbing] Alex! Alex, I'm
taking this so hard that
you're leaving! I...

- Better?
- Much better.

OK, that's the last of it,
I guess.

Yep. Certainly...

[breaking down]
...appears that way!

Mr. and Mrs. Russo,
are you guys OK?

Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.

It's just hard.

Oh! I mean, our second favorite
child is leaving home.

[sighs] Yep, I agree, you guys.
It's all very, very sad.

Well, we'd better give them
their space. Everyone out!

See you guys at Christmas.

Oh, honey. We're really
gonna miss you. Oh...

Now remember,
if you need anything...

...just call us, OK?

OK. Don't worry.
I'm ready for this.

I really think that the best
thing for me right now

is to be on my own.

Yeah. Two gals living
totally independent lives
in the big city.

Just me and my best friend,
free of all the baggage
from my past.

Alex?

Mason? What are you
doing here?

I live here.

[Alex] Bye, Mom.
Bye, Dad.

I can't believe it, Alex.
This must be a sign.

We're supposed to get
back together.

This is not a sign, Mason.

Think about it. What are the
chances we'd both be looking for
an apartment,

and we'd both randomly
find the same flyer,

and that flyer would lead us
both to the same secret,
magical floor of this building?

Well, when he puts it like that,
it does sound like a sign.

Yeah, go unpack something.

Look, Mason, I moved out
with Harper so that we could
be independent.

Sorry, but a boyfriend
doesn't really fit into
that plan right now.

OK. If that's how you feel,
then I'll respect your wishes.

I look forward to exchanging
meaningless pleasantries
with you

when we pass each other
in the hallway.

Nice earrings.

I can't believe this, Harper.

I'm living in a new place
with my best friend,

and the first neighbor I meet
is my ex-boyfriend.

So you know what you need to do
to take your mind off of him?

We haven't met
the rest of our neighbors.

[gasps] We should have
a housewarming party.

Yeah, you're right.

What better way to kick off
our new, independent lives

than by throwing a party?

See? You've already stopped
thinking about Mason.

Excuse me, Alex.

It's me, Mason.

I went ahead and
picked up your mail.

I have mail already?

Well, actually, it's a letter
I wrote. Nothing special.

Just a stream-of-consciousness
outpouring of my most vulnerable
thoughts and wishes.

Nice weather we're having today.

Guys, since we have all this
great new time on our hands,

I took the liberty of
creating an itinerary

full of events, filling
our evening full of
Alex-free activities.

Uh... Justin, we're
kind of enjoying

our peace and quiet right now.

Dad, if you had read
the itinerary, you'd see

that there's a scheduled
peace and quiet break

right after we share stories
about how we don't miss Alex.

- We've gotta get him
out of here.
- I've got it.

Oh, my goodness,
will you look at this?

Alex left her magazine here!

Oh, too bad there's no way
of getting it to her.

Yeah, it's just gonna
sit there and bug us!

Ugh! Nothing we can
do about it!

Oh... Nothing!

All right...

I guess I'll have to be
the one to take it to her.

I'll do it, but this
is the last time

I let her ruin our
new lives without her.

The last time!

He totally misses her.

[Justin] I do not miss her!

Come on in. Welcome to the party
thrown by the cool girls
of Apartment 13B.

The "B" stands for "best party
on this floor." OK.

- Alex?
- Felix?

Don't tell me
you live here, too.

- I live here, too!
- This is so crazy.

Wait, did you bring your wand?
Let's see it.

Well, I don't like
to show it off, but...

Behold the most powerful wand
in the Wizard World!

- [laughs]
- Cheers, Alex.

You look smashing tonight.

Eh? "Smashing?"

I remember how you used to love
my cute British vernacular.

Listen, Mason...

Dodgy, quid, knickers...

Bob's your uncle.

What? Mason,
you have to stop.

Why can't you just
open your heart to me?

Because I don't want
a boyfriend right now.

Very well. Then you won't
hear another pip, pip

out of this mush.

Nothing?

Hey, Alex. I brought you my
collection of oil-on-canvas
Julia Roberts paintings.

- Really?
- What? She's America's
sweetheart.

All right, I'm just gonna
put this with the rest
of my stuff...

...that I gave you.

Attention, everyone!

If you need your drinks opened,
just ask me and I'll do it
with magic.

Because I can.
Which is why it's OK
for me to live here.

So, yeah. Open bottles.

Yeah.

Harper, what are you doing?

[scoffs] Magic.
What else would I be doing?

You know me.
Always doing magic.

Yeah, it's a training wand.
It has one power.

It opens things.

What? Don't mess with the view.
It matches my outfit. No!

Open Alex's heart.

Oh, hi.

What's your name?

Ogre Moloney.

Oh, wow, that's
a really cool name.

I'm Alex.

- Uh, pardon me, Alex.
- Not now, Mason.

I'm about to open up
my heart to Ogre Moloney.

[chuckles]

I... I don't know
what it is about you,

but I can't seem
to get you out of my mind.

Yeah? My hideous face and
relentless cheese stench

sometimes have
that effect on people.

Oh, stop it.

Oh, Ogre Moloney.
You're so funny.

And you just have the cutest
little warts all over your face.

I've got to admit, most
of the girls I've dated

aren't as symmetrical as you.

- Well...
- This is very exciting!

Let's try this again.
Open Alex's heart.

Alex, Alex, over here!
Look quickly!

Hey, Alex.
What's goin' on?

You and me are goin' on.

I feel like I can
tell you anything.

Oh, my gosh.
It's finally happening.

Excuse me.

What do you think you're doing,
talking to my woman?

I hate to break it to you, pal,

but this woman's had a thing
for me for a very long time

and has recently had
the courage to admit it.

Even though you are
big and brutish,

I happen to know for
a fact she prefers men
with freakishly bad posture.

Guys, guys, you
don't need to fight!

My heart is big enough
for both of you.

Mason, what are you doing?

I'm trying to get Alex
to open her heart to me.

What? No, just
give me that!

I'm the only one who gets to
open things with that thing!

- [both grunting]
- Give it! Just give it!

It would be a lot easier
if you just give it to me!

Alex!

Got you some more
housewarming gifts!

- Gimme!
- No, just let go of it!

- [chittering]
- We're free!

Well, I guess that
ruined the surprise.

It's a box
of screaming banshees.

Enjoy.

Party!

Alex, I brought
you your magazine,

and I hope this
teaches you a lesson...

You're having a
screaming banshee party?

I've heard about these.

No, you have not.

Justin, you've
got to do something.

Max released all these
screaming banshees

and Mason used my training
wand to make Alex fall
in love with everyone.

Say no more, Harper.
I'm on it.

Fanshee, schmansee,
get rid of the banshee.

- How'd you do that?
- Child safety lock.

Everything's back to normal.

Oh, so which one are you
going out with, Alex?

Me or this ogre?

What?! I'm not going out
with either of you.

Yeah, I didn't think
it was gonna last.

- Wanna hang out?
- Sure.

But first we gotta
hose you down.

OK. It's not gonna work.

What's going on here?

Mason used my wand
on your heart.

And I stepped in
and fixed everything.

I realize now why I felt so
weird about you being gone.

It's because cleaning up
other people's messes

and then being able to silently
judge them afterwards

is what makes my life complete.

Did you just say I make
your life complete?

No.

Oh, my gosh. You miss me!

[scoffing] No, I don't
miss you!

Here, take your magazine.
It's the only reason
I came here.

- Bye!
- [laughing] I miss you, too!

Alex, I'm sorry
I ruined your party,

but I can't apologize
for my feelings.

I let you go way too easily
the last time,

and I won't let it happen again.
I'm not giving up on us.

Mason, please.

All right, then.

The artichoke dip
was delightful.

[elevator dings]

Alex? Harper? Why am I
receiving complaints

about the new residents
throwing a party?

I'm so, so sorry, Dexter.

It won't happen again,
I promise.

I should hope not.
Parties aren't allowed.

Also, you didn't invite me.

And I'm always the
life of the party.

I do the Dougie...

Lean and brush!
Lean and brush!

Do the Dougie!
Do the Dougie!

Your loss.

[cackling]

Well, that wasn't
exactly how I imagined

our first day in our
new place going.

[sighs] No, but we're not
focusing on the past, remember?

Things can only get
better from here on out.

Right. Let's go to bed.
I'll take the couch.

Wow, things are
already getting better.

Of course.

Well, good night, Harper.

Good night, Alex.
Good night, Franklin.

- Good night, Franklin.
- [growls]

[Max yawning] Good night,
Alex, Harper and Franklin.

What?

[Harper] Max?

What are you doing here?

Alex, I figured since my stuff
is already in your apartment,

I might as well just
live with you guys.

- What do you say?
- Get out!

Fine. I'll just see
my stuff tomorrow.

Hello, Max.

Do I...
Do I know you?

Well, that doesn't matter.

I know you.

And you seem like
someone who would enjoy

going to a very
special wizard camp.

Canoeing, archery...

Cotton candy?

Yeah, this sounds like fun.

I can't wait to run home
and tell my parents.

Oh, make sure to tell
your dad it's free.

- Oh, he'll like that.
- Come on!

Going down?