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1
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,960
- So, how are you?
- Yeah, I'm OK.
2
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,600
- Did you remember my stuff?
- Oh, yes.
3
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,600
Two pairs of socks,
4
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,920
two pairs of pants,
two T-shirts.
5
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,440
You didn't bring a bag?
6
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:31,960
No, I was in a hurry.
7
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,160
You called at 8:20 this morning,
which, as you may remember
8
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,280
from when you were part
of the family, is a busy time.
9
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,360
I ran to your drawers, I shoved
everything in my work bag.
10
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,720
Well, now what do I do?
Just...
11
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,760
Well, I don't know.
12
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,240
I'll put it back in my bag
13
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,680
and afterwards
we'll find a carrier bag.
14
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,200
Your top drawer,
by the way, is pitiful.
15
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:56,600
What's wrong with it?
16
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,360
When was the last time
you bought a pair of boxers?
17
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,080
- I don't wear boxers.
- Or any underwear?
18
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,440
I haven't worked for a year.
19
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,880
- So 13 months ago.
- I can't remember.
20
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,440
You have access
to a joint account.
21
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,760
If I saw a payment to Marks
and Spencer's for 50 quid,
22
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:09,880
I'm not gonna hit the roof.
23
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,160
50 quid?
Is that how much pants cost now?
24
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,760
No, I'm suggesting
you buy several pairs.
25
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,120
Can we change the subject?
26
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,760
What have you said to the kids
about me moving out?
27
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,400
Nothing.
28
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,880
- Nothing?
- Not as such.
29
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,720
OK, well,
what have they said to you?
30
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,360
Well, they...
31
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,120
It just hasn't been mentioned?
32
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,080
I'm not there
and they haven't noticed?
33
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,680
If they ask, I say you're
somewhere else in the house.
34
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,000
I say you're sleeping
35
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,000
or you're listening to music
in the spare room,
36
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,320
you're in the pub.
37
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,280
In the pub?
I'm never in the pub.
38
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,200
No, I know, but they like it,
I think, the dadness of it.
39
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,640
Jesus.
40
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:54,960
Wow.
41
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,760
How long do you intend
to be gone for?
42
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,200
I don't know.
43
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,640
You don't have to do this.
Nobody asked you to leave.
44
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,520
We had a pretty terrible
few days.
45
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,880
And it all started
with that stupid plaster cast.
46
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,440
Yes.
47
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,160
I thought when you told her
about throwing away the cast,
48
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,360
- it crossed a line.
- It was funny.
49
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,080
- She laughed.
- Yes, she laughed, you laughed.
50
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,720
I was hurt.
51
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:22,760
I was making a gesture.
52
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,960
Throwing the cast away
was the first step
53
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,040
on the long road
to marital harmony.
54
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,480
Throwing the cast away when
nothing's wrong with your arm
55
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,320
just takes us back
to where we were.
56
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,360
You're still a man with
severe marital difficulties
57
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:34,880
and two good arms.
58
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,920
I was trying to prove
that I value truth.
59
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,520
Oh, is that why you told
Giles and Anna
60
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,240
that there'd been
a spot of infidelity
61
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,520
when we bumped into them?
62
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,040
Oh, yes, a spot.
63
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,760
I was minimizing it.
Another gesture.
64
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,240
I admit...
65
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,400
I went over the top after that
and things got out of hand.
66
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,720
Sorry for some
of the things I said.
67
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,360
There were some low blows
in there.
68
00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,560
Well, inevitable.
69
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,000
It was never your face
I wanted to punch.
70
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,920
I'd have thought
you'd like to encourage
71
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,000
all body parts
below the belt,
72
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,480
not render them unusable.
73
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,960
We should remember that
we're talking metaphorically.
74
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,200
I didn't actually
do anything to them.
75
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,320
Metaphors to the nuts can hurt
just as much as kicks.
76
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,880
- Is that really true?
- I don't know.
77
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,760
It's a slippery slope,
moving out.
78
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,600
It can be hard
to climb back up it.
79
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,520
That's the definition
of a slippery slope.
80
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,040
So you're saying you may not
be able to climb back up,
81
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,120
that you've have
moved out for good?
82
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,560
- Am I?
- Well, if you can't
83
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,200
climb back
up a slippery slope.
84
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,480
I was just pointing out
a linguistic redundancy.
85
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,520
I wasn't announcing
the end of the marriage.
86
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,000
- So no slippery slope?
- No, just...
87
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,080
normal slope
88
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,680
that I can wander
up and down at will.
89
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,600
- No slippage, just exertion.
- Well, that's another thing.
90
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,640
You're not as nimble
as you once were.
91
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,600
I just needed
a few days to think.
92
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,080
- Where do you live, actually?
- Why do you need to know?
93
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,680
It's just one of the useful
pieces of information
94
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,760
a wife might need,
95
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,840
knowing where her husband lives.
96
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,320
I have my mobile on at all hours
in case of emergency.
97
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,960
I'm not worried about
how to get hold of you,
98
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,640
I'm worried
about what state you're in.
99
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,480
I'm perfectly comfortable.
100
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,400
You're somewhere local
that took no effort.
101
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,720
Oh, God.
102
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,840
Oh no, don't tell me
you're at Ketamine Kev's.
103
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,520
No. That didn't work out.
104
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,760
- Oh, Tom.
- I knew it was a bad idea.
105
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,680
Who could have predicted that?
106
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,560
- So, where are you?
- I have a bed
107
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,920
and access to a kettle,
and that's all you need to know.
108
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,240
Why won't you tell me?
109
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,040
There isn't enough mystery
in our relationship.
110
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,080
Isn't that what they say
in all those advice columns?
111
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,560
They're talking about closing
the door when you're peeing,
112
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,520
not refusing to tell
your long-term partner
113
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,720
where you live.
114
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,520
Listen, what are we gonna say
to Kenyon?
115
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,840
I'm surprised
you wanna tell her anything.
116
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,600
Thank you. I didn't realize
that was an option.
117
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,040
I was being sarcastic, Tom.
118
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,360
Of course we're gonna tell her
119
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,120
you've moved
out of the family home
120
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,080
since the last session.
Bloody hell.
121
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,760
Can we keep nothing secret
from that bloody woman?
122
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,320
Why do we have to do
all of our dirty washing
123
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:51,920
in her launderette?
124
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,480
Besides,
I don't want her to think
125
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,320
that she's not
getting anywhere with us.
126
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,680
It's needlessly cruel.
127
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,480
She'll live, I'm sure.
128
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,280
- What do you need think about?
- What do you mean?
129
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,160
You said you needed
a few days to think.
130
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,800
- Oh, yeah.
- So, what's on the agenda?
131
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,320
Well, everything, really.
132
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:12,840
What is everything?
133
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,240
The marriage, the...
134
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,840
The, um...
135
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,040
So, what have you thought about
136
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,600
in the two days
you've had so far?
137
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,680
You're putting me on the spot.
What have you thought about?
138
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,280
I was asking you.
139
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,400
I'm just pointing out, it's not
easy to come up with a list.
140
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,000
I'm not the one
who's gone off to think.
141
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,360
I've been thinking a lot
about Matthew.
142
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,440
Right, OK.
143
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,320
Yeah. And what do you think
about him?
144
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,800
Just that he's a bastard and
how much I'd love to kill him.
145
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,160
I've been thinking that
over and over again.
146
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,440
- And is that constructive?
- Works for me.
147
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,720
- I Googled him.
- Oh.
148
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,880
- How do you know his surname?
- I saw an email.
149
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,440
So I Googled him and then I went
to his Facebook page.
150
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,200
Likes his beer, doesn't he?
151
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,640
- No.
- His pies, then.
152
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,680
I was surprised.
He didn't seem like your type.
153
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,720
That England shirt he was
wearing in his profile picture
154
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,440
looked like
it had a football up it.
155
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,800
Well, he isn't fat
156
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,600
and he wouldn't wear
an England shirt.
157
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,480
I think...
158
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,640
I think you may have
the wrong person.
159
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,680
Matthew's actually
quite serious-minded.
160
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,240
I can't see him
having an England shirt,
161
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,200
let alone a Facebook page.
162
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,000
Sounds like loads of fun.
163
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,960
Why did you stop...with him?
164
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,560
Because it was a terrible thing
to do and it made me unhappy.
165
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,600
And if I don't move back in,
will it start up again?
166
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,480
- I shouldn't think so.
- Why not?
167
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,160
This is a pointless
line of questioning.
168
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,600
- Why?
- What are you asking me really?
169
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,920
What do you
actually want to know?
170
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,160
I wanna know if you would
start up with Matthew
171
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:56,480
in the event
of us splitting up?
172
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,040
But what's the real question?
173
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,080
Just...
174
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,040
Will you start
seeing Matthew again
175
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,400
if we stop being married?
176
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,160
You're saying the same thing
over and over again.
177
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,320
That's what I want to know.
Why wouldn't I wanna know that?
178
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,600
All you need to know is I'm not
going to see Matthew again
179
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,440
- if we don't.
- God, you're brutal.
180
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,640
How is that brutal? I thought
that might be consoling.
181
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,520
You're gonna run off with him
the minute I'm out the door
182
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,920
and I'm supposed
to find that consoling?
183
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,680
Why would you care
if you're gone?
184
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,760
You see, that's the difference
between you and me.
185
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,080
I blame your job.
186
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,320
What's my job got
to do with it?
187
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,760
God, your job is brutal.
188
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:29,920
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Thompson,
189
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,560
"I know you have cancer
but you're 90
190
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,560
"so there's fuck all
we can do for you. Goodbye."
191
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,400
Is that honestly
what you think I do all day?
192
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,560
God. And you wouldn't know
because you never ask.
193
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,040
Because I don't wanna know.
It's depressing.
194
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,160
Who wants to look at old
people's private parts all day?
195
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,760
It's the most depressing job
in the world.
196
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,480
I hardly ever look
at their private parts
197
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,680
because that's not normally
what's wrong with them.
198
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,640
Anyway, they don't have
much bloody use for them
199
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:54,160
because they shrivel up
and they become useless.
200
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,240
It's happening to us,
now, as we speak.
201
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,280
You know what the irony is?
202
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,720
It's that I work with old people
203
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,160
and you've spent your life
writing about pop music,
204
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,040
thinking about young people,
in other words,
205
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,120
their first albums,
their gigs, their...drugs,
206
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,720
I don't know, their groupies.
207
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,200
Groupies?
Have you read any of my stuff?
208
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,040
I can't see
what bloody use it's had.
209
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,400
You're shuffling round the house
all day in your bathrobe,
210
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,160
asking me to bring you
clean pants.
211
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,720
Come on, make up your mind.
Am I eight or 80?
212
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,200
There's room for confusion.
213
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,000
Whatever it is,
you're not 44.
214
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,160
You're in the prime of your life
and what are you doing with it?
215
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,280
Do you know the real problem
with not having sex?
216
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,760
It makes you crabby.
I can see that. What else?
217
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,200
It makes you
re-evaluate everything.
218
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,760
You live with someone
and you have sex with them
219
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,880
and you think,
"OK, I'm married to him."
220
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,520
I mean, you don't think that.
You don't think at all.
221
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,560
You just get on with it.
222
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,040
But if you take the sex away,
223
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,680
then all I'm doing
is sharing a house
224
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,560
with a bloke
who moans a lot
225
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,000
and pokes fun
at my bedtime reading habits.
226
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,520
I mean, what is he even doing
in bed with me?
227
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,400
I'm just encouraging
you to branch out.
228
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,160
How many Scandinavian women
are there left to kill?
229
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,200
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
230
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,120
Sex is the one thing
that separates you
231
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,200
from everyone else
in my life.
232
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,480
Well, nearly everyone, anyway.
233
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,720
We should go.
234
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,360
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, thank you.
235
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,480
Me too.
236
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,480
I just... I didn't realize
it was that important to you.
237
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:41,800
Really?
238
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,280
Look, how about I come back
after our therapy session
239
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,680
and we can...
240
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,000
...you know, have a bash,
if you want?
241
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,080
I probably didn't say that
very well.
242
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,160
No.
243
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,920
When you said,
"Have a bash, if you want."
244
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,640
Yes, awful.
245
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,600
Well, I don't want.
246
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,360
Right.
247
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,680
- So, where are we?
- I don't know, Tom,
248
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,200
but unless someone makes
some kind of effort...
249
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:21,680
And by someone,
I suppose you mean me?
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