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Webvtt
X-timestamp-map=local:00:00:00.000,mpegts:9000
00:00:04.971 --> 00:00:08.942 line:10% position:35% size:50%
[ thunder crashing ]
00:00:09.008 --> 00:00:10.877 line:10% position:35% size:50%
[ drilling, sawing ]
00:00:16.049 --> 00:00:18.051 line:10% position:43% size:63%
[ electricity crackling ]
00:00:18.118 --> 00:00:19.886 line:10% position:28% size:35%
>> it's alive!
00:00:28.895 --> 00:00:30.764 line:10% position:35% size:48%
[ laughing evilly ]
00:00:38.204 --> 00:00:39.806 line:85% position:43% size:65%
>> can you hear me? Hello?
00:00:39.873 --> 00:00:40.440 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Hello?
00:00:40.507 --> 00:00:41.941 line:85% position:40% size:60%
Oh, okay, there you are.
00:00:42.008 --> 00:00:43.143 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[bleep] Hello? Hello?
00:00:43.209 --> 00:00:44.010 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Are you there?
00:00:44.077 --> 00:00:44.778 line:85% position:20% size:20%
Damn it!
00:00:44.844 --> 00:00:46.312 line:85% position:50% size:80%
I swear, I would blow a zebra if
00:00:46.379 --> 00:00:47.814 line:85% position:45% size:70%
I could get a cellphone that
00:00:47.881 --> 00:00:49.849 line:85% position:40% size:58%
Never drops the signal!
00:00:49.916 --> 00:00:50.750 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> [ laughs ]
00:00:50.817 --> 00:00:52.152 line:85% position:40% size:58%
I have heard your wish.
00:00:52.218 --> 00:00:54.854 line:85% position:45% size:68%
I am a wish-granting zebra.
00:00:54.921 --> 00:00:55.755 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> seriously?!
00:00:55.822 --> 00:00:56.990 line:85% position:38% size:53%
I-I can't believe it.
00:00:57.056 --> 00:00:58.625 line:85% position:48% size:73%
So, you can make my cellphone
00:00:58.691 --> 00:00:59.526 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Work anywhere?
00:00:59.592 --> 00:01:02.495 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> I don't know. Can I?
00:01:02.562 --> 00:01:04.898 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> [ gagging ]
00:01:04.964 --> 00:01:06.833 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> oh, come on, it wasn't that
00:01:06.900 --> 00:01:07.567 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Bad.
00:01:07.634 --> 00:01:09.235 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Think of all the calls you can
00:01:09.302 --> 00:01:09.969 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Make now.
00:01:10.036 --> 00:01:11.471 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> yeah, I guess that's true.
00:01:11.538 --> 00:01:12.806 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> hey, you going west?
00:01:12.872 --> 00:01:14.474 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Could you give me a ride to the
00:01:14.541 --> 00:01:15.175 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Palisades?
00:01:15.241 --> 00:01:16.142 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> uh, I-I guess.
00:01:16.209 --> 00:01:17.076 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Hey. Hey, honey.
00:01:17.143 --> 00:01:18.578 line:85% position:48% size:73%
Yeah, no, I'm just on the way
00:01:18.645 --> 00:01:19.112 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Over --
00:01:19.179 --> 00:01:19.846 line:85% position:20% size:20%
[ beep ]
00:01:19.913 --> 00:01:21.414 line:85% position:48% size:73%
Hello? Hey, what's the deal?!
00:01:21.481 --> 00:01:23.149 line:85% position:43% size:65%
>> well, I only fixed
your
00:01:23.216 --> 00:01:23.783 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Phone.
00:01:23.850 --> 00:01:25.118 line:85% position:35% size:48%
I can't fix
theirs.
00:01:25.185 --> 00:01:27.020 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> okay, I-I guess that makes
00:01:27.086 --> 00:01:28.721 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Sense.
00:01:28.788 --> 00:01:29.923 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Wait a second!
00:01:29.989 --> 00:01:32.325 line:85% position:33% size:43%
[ tires screech ]
00:01:32.392 --> 00:01:33.159 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> what's up, pal?
00:01:33.226 --> 00:01:34.394 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> I was talking to my wife.
00:01:34.461 --> 00:01:35.128 line:85% position:20% size:20%
>> okay.
00:01:35.195 --> 00:01:36.162 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> she was on the phone in our
00:01:36.229 --> 00:01:36.796 line:85% position:18% size:15%
house!
00:01:36.863 --> 00:01:37.997 line:85% position:33% size:45%
That's a landline!
00:01:38.064 --> 00:01:39.165 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> is that right?
00:01:39.232 --> 00:01:40.567 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Well, this is my stop.
00:01:40.633 --> 00:01:41.901 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> what the hell?!
00:01:41.968 --> 00:01:43.670 line:85% position:43% size:65%
You're not a zebra at all!
00:01:43.736 --> 00:01:45.572 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> nope, just a horny little
00:01:45.638 --> 00:01:47.574 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Horse with some smoke bombs to
00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:48.575 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Spare!
00:01:48.641 --> 00:01:49.642 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Poof!
00:01:49.709 --> 00:01:50.777 line:85% position:23% size:25%
[ laughs ]
00:01:50.844 --> 00:01:52.111 line:10% position:50% size:80%
>> veringular wireless -- so you
00:01:52.178 --> 00:01:53.279 line:10% position:45% size:70%
Don't have to blow a magical
00:01:53.346 --> 00:01:54.380 line:10% position:18% size:15%
Zebra.
00:01:54.447 --> 00:01:55.448 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> what do you want for your
00:01:55.515 --> 00:01:56.282 line:85% position:35% size:50%
Last meal, anderson?
00:01:56.349 --> 00:01:57.350 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> I want to eat your wife's
00:01:57.417 --> 00:01:58.351 line:85% position:20% size:18%
[bleep]
00:01:58.418 --> 00:02:01.287 line:85% position:38% size:55%
>> damn it! Not again!
00:02:01.354 --> 00:02:01.955 line:85% position:20% size:20%
[ beep ]
00:02:02.021 --> 00:02:02.989 line:85% position:30% size:38%
Honey, it's me.
00:02:03.056 --> 00:02:04.724 line:85% position:48% size:73%
Can you head over to the jail
00:02:04.791 --> 00:02:05.892 line:85% position:33% size:45%
With your lasagna?
00:02:05.959 --> 00:02:06.826 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Great. Thanks.
00:02:06.893 --> 00:02:07.594 line:85% position:20% size:18%
[bleep]
00:02:07.660 --> 00:02:09.229 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Can we replace the batteries in
00:02:09.295 --> 00:02:11.431 line:85% position:35% size:50%
That smoke detector?
00:02:11.498 --> 00:02:12.499 line:85% position:33% size:43%
[ siren wailing ]
00:02:12.565 --> 00:02:13.900 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> oh, damn it -- chips!
00:02:13.967 --> 00:02:17.937 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[ wailing continues ]
00:02:18.004 --> 00:02:19.205 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> license and registration,
00:02:19.272 --> 00:02:19.672 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Please.
00:02:19.739 --> 00:02:20.306 line:85% position:18% size:15%
>> ow!
00:02:20.373 --> 00:02:21.241 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> wow, you are freaking
00:02:21.307 --> 00:02:21.808 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Delicious!
00:02:21.875 --> 00:02:22.509 line:85% position:28% size:33%
[ guns cock ]
00:02:22.575 --> 00:02:24.377 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> hey, hey, easy, pal!
00:02:24.444 --> 00:02:25.678 line:85% position:33% size:43%
[ tires screech ]
00:02:25.745 --> 00:02:27.180 line:85% position:43% size:63%
>> you boys need a little
00:02:27.247 --> 00:02:27.780 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Backup?
00:02:27.847 --> 00:02:29.082 line:85% position:38% size:53%
>> who's the new guy?
00:02:29.148 --> 00:02:30.850 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> name's pringle.
00:02:30.917 --> 00:02:32.385 line:85% position:43% size:63%
>> something a little too
00:02:32.452 --> 00:02:33.553 line:85% position:33% size:45%
Perfect about you.
00:02:33.620 --> 00:02:35.321 line:85% position:45% size:68%
Something doesn't stack up.
00:02:35.388 --> 00:02:36.990 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> oh, I stack up.
00:02:37.056 --> 00:02:38.258 line:85% position:38% size:53%
I stack up
real nice.
00:02:38.324 --> 00:02:38.858 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> bye!
00:02:38.925 --> 00:02:39.926 line:85% position:33% size:43%
[ tires screech ]
00:02:39.993 --> 00:02:42.262 line:85% position:35% size:48%
Not so fast, buddy.
00:02:42.328 --> 00:02:43.796 line:85% position:33% size:43%
[ tires screech ]
00:02:43.863 --> 00:02:45.732 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>> wow, that was real ranch
00:02:45.798 --> 00:02:46.966 line:85% position:30% size:38%
Style, pringle!
00:02:47.033 --> 00:02:48.835 line:85% position:30% size:38%
>> you know it.
00:02:48.902 --> 00:02:50.303 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> and then he just roped the
00:02:50.370 --> 00:02:50.937 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Guy.
00:02:51.004 --> 00:02:51.971 line:85% position:40% size:60%
It was beautiful, chief.
00:02:52.038 --> 00:02:53.406 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> yeah, but it went against
00:02:53.473 --> 00:02:54.507 line:85% position:35% size:50%
Department protocol.
00:02:54.574 --> 00:02:55.942 line:85% position:33% size:45%
We had to can him.
00:02:56.009 --> 00:02:58.244 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> [ muffled ] I'm a good cop!
00:02:58.311 --> 00:03:00.313 line:85% position:25% size:28%
>> ♪ whoa ♪
00:03:00.380 --> 00:03:01.881 line:85% position:30% size:40%
♪ I'm crushing ♪
00:03:01.948 --> 00:03:03.516 line:85% position:28% size:35%
♪ on a crush ♪
00:03:03.583 --> 00:03:05.985 line:85% position:50% size:80%
♪ bicycles, lemonade, game boy ♪
00:03:06.052 --> 00:03:06.819 line:85% position:25% size:30%
♪ game boy ♪
00:03:06.886 --> 00:03:08.688 line:85% position:35% size:50%
♪ crushing so hard ♪
00:03:08.755 --> 00:03:09.689 line:85% position:33% size:43%
♪ so hard, girl ♪
00:03:09.756 --> 00:03:10.957 line:85% position:38% size:53%
♪ and I like skittle,
00:03:11.024 --> 00:03:11.658 line:85% position:28% size:33%
Sk-skittles ♪
00:03:11.724 --> 00:03:12.926 line:85% position:40% size:60%
♪ skittle, sk-skittles ♪
00:03:12.992 --> 00:03:13.626 line:85% position:25% size:28%
>> and cut!
00:03:13.693 --> 00:03:15.128 line:85% position:48% size:75%
This is the edgiest thing I've
00:03:15.194 --> 00:03:15.995 line:85% position:30% size:38%
Ever worked on!
00:03:16.062 --> 00:03:16.763 line:85% position:20% size:20%
>> edgy?
00:03:16.829 --> 00:03:18.398 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> yeah, young lesbian proud of
00:03:18.464 --> 00:03:20.233 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Who she is, singing about it --
00:03:20.300 --> 00:03:20.900 line:85% position:20% size:20%
Awesome!
00:03:20.967 --> 00:03:23.436 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> that's a little boy.
00:03:23.503 --> 00:03:25.772 line:85% position:33% size:45%
[ thud, feedback ]
00:03:25.838 --> 00:03:27.941 line:85% position:38% size:55%
[ animals chattering ]
00:03:28.007 --> 00:03:28.942 line:85% position:23% size:25%
[ sloop! ]
00:03:29.008 --> 00:03:30.910 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> ow, my [bleep] Back!
00:03:30.977 --> 00:03:32.412 line:85% position:40% size:58%
No, d-d-don't touch me!
00:03:32.478 --> 00:03:34.547 line:85% position:45% size:70%
Just go get someone, sharon!
00:03:34.614 --> 00:03:36.449 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> autobots, earth is our home
00:03:36.516 --> 00:03:37.083 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Now.
00:03:37.150 --> 00:03:38.484 line:85% position:40% size:58%
As such, we should give
00:03:38.551 --> 00:03:40.053 line:85% position:40% size:60%
Ourselves earthly names.
00:03:40.119 --> 00:03:41.220 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> okay, I guess I'll be
00:03:41.287 --> 00:03:41.955 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Bumblebee.
00:03:42.021 --> 00:03:43.189 line:85% position:48% size:73%
It's cute and nonthreatening.
00:03:43.256 --> 00:03:44.657 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> I enjoy the music I've heard
00:03:44.724 --> 00:03:46.059 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Some of these earth cats play.
00:03:46.125 --> 00:03:47.560 line:85% position:30% size:40%
I'll go by jazz.
00:03:47.627 --> 00:03:50.563 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> and I shall be optimus prime.
00:03:50.630 --> 00:03:51.598 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> oh, really?
00:03:51.664 --> 00:03:52.332 line:85% position:20% size:20%
>> what?
00:03:52.398 --> 00:03:53.533 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> optimus prime?
00:03:53.600 --> 00:03:54.934 line:85% position:35% size:50%
I didn't call myself
00:03:55.001 --> 00:03:56.202 line:85% position:33% size:45%
Maximus genitalia.
00:03:56.269 --> 00:03:57.770 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> but you know I'm the leader.
00:03:57.837 --> 00:03:59.339 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> yeah, man, we do know, which
00:03:59.405 --> 00:04:00.940 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Makes me wonder why I have to be
00:04:01.007 --> 00:04:02.508 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Reminded every time we say your
00:04:02.575 --> 00:04:03.276 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Name.
00:04:03.343 --> 00:04:04.510 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> you know we all think you're
00:04:04.577 --> 00:04:05.211 line:85% position:25% size:28%
Great, man.
00:04:05.278 --> 00:04:06.613 line:85% position:45% size:68%
Who you trying to convince?
00:04:06.679 --> 00:04:09.349 line:85% position:50% size:78%
[ echoing ] Convince, convince.
00:04:09.415 --> 00:04:11.150 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> hey, dad, I got an "A" on my
00:04:11.217 --> 00:04:11.884 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Math test.
00:04:11.951 --> 00:04:12.952 line:85% position:30% size:40%
>> oh, good job,
00:04:13.019 --> 00:04:14.621 line:85% position:48% size:73%
Incredibus disappointmentmax.
00:04:14.687 --> 00:04:16.422 line:85% position:50% size:78%
They hand out football trophies
00:04:16.489 --> 00:04:17.824 line:85% position:40% size:58%
For "'a' on math test"?
00:04:17.890 --> 00:04:18.625 line:85% position:23% size:25%
>> uh, no.
00:04:18.691 --> 00:04:20.560 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> well, then transform and roll
00:04:20.627 --> 00:04:23.162 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Out of my [bleep] Way!
00:04:23.229 --> 00:04:26.265 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> oh. Oh, daddy.
00:04:26.332 --> 00:04:28.468 line:85% position:33% size:43%
And now you know.
00:04:28.534 --> 00:04:30.169 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> are you okay...
00:04:30.236 --> 00:04:32.038 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Optimus prime?
00:04:32.105 --> 00:04:33.606 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>> oh, you sons of bitches.
00:04:33.673 --> 00:04:35.642 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[ laughs ] Come here.
00:04:35.708 --> 00:04:36.809 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> give it up, sinestro!
00:04:36.876 --> 00:04:37.877 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Just turn yourself in!
00:04:37.944 --> 00:04:38.745 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> you know what?
00:04:38.811 --> 00:04:39.479 line:85% position:23% size:23%
I
should!
00:04:39.545 --> 00:04:40.647 line:85% position:48% size:73%
I should do that just to blow
00:04:40.713 --> 00:04:41.581 line:85% position:33% size:45%
Your [bleep] Mind!
00:04:41.648 --> 00:04:42.582 line:85% position:35% size:50%
>> yeah, I
dare you!
00:04:42.649 --> 00:04:43.783 line:85% position:43% size:63%
>> you dare me to end our
00:04:43.850 --> 00:04:45.151 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Decades-old rivalry on a dare?
00:04:45.218 --> 00:04:46.352 line:85% position:43% size:63%
How would that even work?
00:04:46.419 --> 00:04:47.620 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>> just walk right into the
00:04:47.687 --> 00:04:49.055 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Police station and tell them to
00:04:49.122 --> 00:04:49.622 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Cuff you.
00:04:49.689 --> 00:04:50.456 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> aha!
00:04:50.523 --> 00:04:51.257 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> aah!
00:04:51.324 --> 00:04:51.991 line:85% position:23% size:25%
[ crying ]
00:04:52.058 --> 00:04:52.759 line:85% position:25% size:28%
>> oh, god!
00:04:52.825 --> 00:04:54.193 line:85% position:40% size:60%
Oh, god, I-I meant to do
00:04:54.260 --> 00:04:54.927 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Handcuffs!
00:04:54.994 --> 00:04:55.828 line:85% position:38% size:55%
>> aah, my hands, aah!
00:04:55.895 --> 00:04:56.462 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> oh, my god!
00:04:56.529 --> 00:04:57.363 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Oh, god, I'm so sorry!
00:04:57.430 --> 00:04:58.264 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Oh, god, I can't look!
00:04:58.331 --> 00:04:59.332 line:85% position:45% size:68%
I can't -- I got to bounce!
00:04:59.399 --> 00:05:00.066 line:85% position:23% size:25%
I'm sorry!
00:05:00.133 --> 00:05:00.967 line:85% position:48% size:73%
I'll call 911 from the car, I
00:05:01.034 --> 00:05:01.968 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Swear!
00:05:02.035 --> 00:05:02.969 line:85% position:23% size:23%
[ ding! ]
00:05:03.036 --> 00:05:04.537 line:85% position:48% size:75%
[ door closes, tires screech ]
00:05:04.604 --> 00:05:07.173 line:85% position:25% size:28%
[ warble! ]
00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:08.875 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> welcome back to oa, home of
00:05:08.941 --> 00:05:10.309 line:85% position:40% size:60%
The green lantern corps.
00:05:10.376 --> 00:05:11.044 line:85% position:23% size:23%
[ ding! ]
00:05:11.110 --> 00:05:12.345 line:85% position:48% size:73%
I'm sorry, hal jordan, but we
00:05:12.412 --> 00:05:13.646 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Cannot restore your hands.
00:05:13.713 --> 00:05:14.881 line:85% position:43% size:63%
>> but power rings can do
00:05:14.947 --> 00:05:16.449 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Anything given enough willpower!
00:05:16.516 --> 00:05:17.250 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> oh, really?
00:05:17.316 --> 00:05:19.152 line:85% position:48% size:73%
You wipe out cancer on earth?
00:05:19.218 --> 00:05:20.253 line:85% position:23% size:25%
>> well...
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:21.020 line:85% position:15% size:8%
No!
00:05:21.087 --> 00:05:22.155 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> we feel for you, hal jordan,
00:05:22.221 --> 00:05:23.723 line:85% position:50% size:78%
But you can no longer wield the
00:05:23.790 --> 00:05:24.390 line:85% position:25% size:28%
Power ring.
00:05:24.457 --> 00:05:25.792 line:85% position:45% size:68%
Having fingers is kind of a
00:05:25.858 --> 00:05:26.559 line:85% position:28% size:33%
Prerequisite.
00:05:26.626 --> 00:05:28.294 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> um, there is a -- well, there
00:05:28.361 --> 00:05:29.862 line:85% position:48% size:73%
[chuckles] There is one other
00:05:29.929 --> 00:05:31.597 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Place I could wear a power ring.
00:05:31.664 --> 00:05:32.865 line:85% position:38% size:55%
>> like on a necklace?
00:05:32.932 --> 00:05:34.534 line:85% position:50% size:78%
You'd never interface properly.
00:05:34.600 --> 00:05:35.301 line:85% position:18% size:15%
>> no.
00:05:35.368 --> 00:05:37.537 line:85% position:45% size:68%
Another place, south o' the
00:05:37.603 --> 00:05:38.304 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Border.
00:05:38.371 --> 00:05:39.672 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> jordan, are we talking about
00:05:39.739 --> 00:05:40.573 line:85% position:30% size:38%
A [bleep] Ring?
00:05:40.640 --> 00:05:41.908 line:85% position:43% size:63%
>> we are talking about a
00:05:41.974 --> 00:05:43.676 line:85% position:28% size:33%
[bleep] Ring.
00:05:43.743 --> 00:05:45.244 line:85% position:18% size:15%
>> oh!
00:05:45.311 --> 00:05:46.779 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> gee, buddy, did you consider
00:05:46.846 --> 00:05:47.714 line:85% position:33% size:45%
A toe ring, maybe?
00:05:47.780 --> 00:05:49.282 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> uh, how's a toe ring going to
00:05:49.348 --> 00:05:50.917 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Fit on my penis?
00:05:50.983 --> 00:05:51.851 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Stupid!
00:05:51.918 --> 00:05:54.187 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah, wah.
00:05:54.253 --> 00:05:54.787 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Wah, wah.
00:05:54.854 --> 00:05:55.521 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> a new kid?
00:05:55.588 --> 00:05:56.989 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Oh, boy, maybe he'll take over
00:05:57.056 --> 00:05:58.424 line:85% position:48% size:73%
My position on the totem pole
00:05:58.491 --> 00:05:59.192 line:85% position:25% size:30%
Around here.
00:05:59.258 --> 00:06:00.626 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> you'll always be the [bleep]
00:06:00.693 --> 00:06:01.794 line:85% position:40% size:58%
Catcher, charlie brown!
00:06:01.861 --> 00:06:03.229 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> well, whoever he is, he'll
00:06:03.296 --> 00:06:05.164 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Never replace by sweet babboo!
00:06:05.231 --> 00:06:07.166 line:85% position:30% size:38%
>> oh, brother!
00:06:07.233 --> 00:06:08.201 line:85% position:33% size:43%
>> hey, everyone.
00:06:08.267 --> 00:06:10.737 line:85% position:50% size:80%
My name is ren -- ren mccormack.
00:06:10.803 --> 00:06:11.337 line:85% position:25% size:28%
>> beat it!
00:06:11.404 --> 00:06:11.804 line:85% position:20% size:18%
>> aah!
00:06:11.871 --> 00:06:12.538 line:85% position:28% size:35%
>> ooh, hello!
00:06:12.605 --> 00:06:13.873 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> you're just in time for our
00:06:13.940 --> 00:06:14.674 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Dance rehearsal.
00:06:14.741 --> 00:06:15.975 line:85% position:48% size:73%
We're practicing a number for
00:06:16.042 --> 00:06:17.677 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Our christmas pageant.
00:06:17.744 --> 00:06:18.778 line:85% position:35% size:48%
>> I love to dance!
00:06:18.845 --> 00:06:20.279 line:85% position:45% size:68%
My last town banned dancing
00:06:20.346 --> 00:06:23.616 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Entirely.
00:06:23.683 --> 00:06:24.984 line:85% position:48% size:75%
You might say dancing makes me
00:06:25.051 --> 00:06:29.589 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Feel footloose and fancy free.
00:06:29.655 --> 00:06:30.623 line:85% position:40% size:58%
Look, I'm kevin bacon's
00:06:30.690 --> 00:06:34.927 line:85% position:45% size:68%
Character from "Footloose."
00:06:34.994 --> 00:06:36.629 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> and a-one and a-two.
00:06:36.696 --> 00:06:40.466 line:85% position:43% size:65%
[ up-tempo music playing ]
00:06:40.533 --> 00:06:41.868 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> oh, my god, this is the worst
00:06:41.934 --> 00:06:43.035 line:85% position:43% size:63%
Dancing I have ever seen.
00:06:43.102 --> 00:06:43.970 line:85% position:35% size:50%
>> what do you mean?
00:06:44.036 --> 00:06:45.271 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> I'm sorry [bleep] Box, but
00:06:45.338 --> 00:06:45.838 line:85% position:23% size:23%
You're --
00:06:45.905 --> 00:06:46.639 line:85% position:30% size:40%
>> it's pig-pen.
00:06:46.706 --> 00:06:47.173 line:85% position:23% size:23%
>> sorry.
00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:47.840 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> it's okay.
00:06:47.907 --> 00:06:49.075 line:85% position:45% size:68%
You made a lateral error at
00:06:49.142 --> 00:06:49.842 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Best.
00:06:49.909 --> 00:06:50.877 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> you're just all repeating the
00:06:50.943 --> 00:06:52.211 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Same move over and over again.
00:06:52.278 --> 00:06:53.513 line:85% position:48% size:73%
I mean, what is this kid even
00:06:53.579 --> 00:06:54.847 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Doing?
00:06:54.914 --> 00:06:56.149 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> I couldn't think of a dance!
00:06:56.215 --> 00:06:56.749 line:85% position:25% size:28%
I panicked!
00:06:56.816 --> 00:06:57.483 line:85% position:30% size:38%
>> sorry, guys.
00:06:57.550 --> 00:06:58.785 line:85% position:50% size:78%
I got to get the [bleep] Out of
00:06:58.851 --> 00:06:59.519 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Here.
00:06:59.585 --> 00:07:00.386 line:85% position:48% size:73%
I would rather move back to a
00:07:00.453 --> 00:07:02.054 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Town with no dancing than stay
00:07:02.121 --> 00:07:03.055 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Here.
00:07:03.122 --> 00:07:04.791 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> and a-one and a-two.
00:07:04.857 --> 00:07:07.160 line:85% position:43% size:65%
[ up-tempo music playing ]
00:07:07.226 --> 00:07:09.095 line:85% position:38% size:55%
[ rock music playing ]
00:07:12.398 --> 00:07:15.568 line:85% position:33% size:45%
>> ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
00:07:15.635 --> 00:07:18.704 line:85% position:30% size:38%
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
00:07:18.771 --> 00:07:20.006 line:85% position:30% size:38%
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
00:07:20.072 --> 00:07:22.675 line:85% position:23% size:23%
♪ ahhhh ♪
00:07:22.742 --> 00:07:24.310 line:85% position:43% size:63%
♪ I'm gonna fly so high ♪
00:07:24.377 --> 00:07:25.812 line:85% position:43% size:63%
♪ gonna spread my wings ♪
00:07:25.878 --> 00:07:27.547 line:85% position:45% size:70%
♪ flying through the heavens
00:07:27.613 --> 00:07:29.081 line:85% position:40% size:58%
Where the angels sing ♪
00:07:29.148 --> 00:07:30.783 line:85% position:48% size:73%
♪ nothing's stopping me now ♪
00:07:30.850 --> 00:07:32.251 line:85% position:40% size:58%
♪ no dream is too big ♪
00:07:32.318 --> 00:07:33.686 line:85% position:38% size:55%
♪ gonna save the day ♪
00:07:33.753 --> 00:07:35.588 line:85% position:38% size:53%
♪ I can do anything ♪
00:07:35.655 --> 00:07:37.990 line:85% position:38% size:53%
♪ I can do anything ♪
00:07:38.057 --> 00:07:39.892 line:85% position:35% size:50%
[ machine-gun fire ]
00:07:39.959 --> 00:07:40.660 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[ school bell rings ]
00:07:40.726 --> 00:07:42.028 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> good news, ren -- turns out
00:07:42.094 --> 00:07:43.229 line:85% position:43% size:63%
You can't outlaw dancing.
00:07:43.296 --> 00:07:44.297 line:85% position:38% size:55%
It's unconstitutional.
00:07:44.363 --> 00:07:45.064 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> all right!
00:07:45.131 --> 00:07:46.432 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> yeah, but then they passed a
00:07:46.499 --> 00:07:47.166 line:85% position:20% size:20%
New law.
00:07:47.233 --> 00:07:48.334 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Now we have to use creationist
00:07:48.401 --> 00:07:48.935 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Textbooks.
00:07:49.001 --> 00:07:49.936 line:85% position:35% size:50%
[ record scratches ]
00:07:50.002 --> 00:07:51.938 line:85% position:20% size:20%
>> rats!
00:07:52.004 --> 00:07:54.440 line:85% position:35% size:50%
[ machine-gun fire ]
00:07:54.507 --> 00:07:55.141 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> [ laughs ]
00:07:55.208 --> 00:07:56.442 line:85% position:45% size:70%
Bet that stupid junkyard dog
00:07:56.509 --> 00:07:57.243 line:85% position:30% size:38%
Can't catch us!
00:07:57.310 --> 00:07:57.944 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> [ growls ]
00:07:58.010 --> 00:07:59.245 line:85% position:45% size:70%
You're messing with the dog!
00:07:59.312 --> 00:07:59.979 line:85% position:23% size:25%
[ growls ]
00:08:00.046 --> 00:08:03.015 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> you died in 1998, dumb ass!
00:08:03.082 --> 00:08:04.050 line:85% position:28% size:33%
>> [ groans ]
00:08:04.116 --> 00:08:06.085 line:85% position:38% size:53%
[ angels vocalizing ]
00:08:06.152 --> 00:08:07.687 line:85% position:45% size:70%
>> are you ready for more of
00:08:07.753 --> 00:08:09.222 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Those hilarious bloopers?!
00:08:09.288 --> 00:08:10.723 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Well, unfortunately, those
00:08:10.790 --> 00:08:12.258 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Hilarious clips have to be
00:08:12.325 --> 00:08:13.860 line:85% position:45% size:70%
Licensed, which costs money,
00:08:13.926 --> 00:08:15.528 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Which is in short supply since
00:08:15.595 --> 00:08:17.330 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Our c.P.A. Liquidated our assets
00:08:17.396 --> 00:08:18.898 line:85% position:45% size:70%
And blew town to go feast on
00:08:18.965 --> 00:08:19.932 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Thai schoolboys!
00:08:19.999 --> 00:08:20.733 line:85% position:35% size:48%
[ canned laughter ]
00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:22.235 line:85% position:43% size:63%
So instead, here are some
00:08:22.301 --> 00:08:24.103 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Hilarious clips from my very own
00:08:24.170 --> 00:08:24.804 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Life!
00:08:24.871 --> 00:08:26.205 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>>
[ singing indistinctly ]
00:08:26.272 --> 00:08:27.907 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> daddy, when I grow up, I'm
00:08:27.974 --> 00:08:29.709 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Gonna marry that pretty singer!
00:08:29.775 --> 00:08:31.410 line:85% position:48% size:73%
She's the prettiest girl I've
00:08:31.477 --> 00:08:32.144 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Ever seen!
00:08:32.211 --> 00:08:33.112 line:85% position:28% size:35%
No, daddy, no!
00:08:33.179 --> 00:08:34.714 line:85% position:45% size:68%
>> her first name is "Boy,"
00:08:34.780 --> 00:08:36.215 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Dillweed!
00:08:36.282 --> 00:08:37.216 line:85% position:35% size:48%
You come back here!
00:08:37.283 --> 00:08:39.085 line:85% position:50% size:80%
This is [bleep] Kryptonite, son!
00:08:39.151 --> 00:08:40.853 line:85% position:48% size:75%
>> you might say my balls were
00:08:40.920 --> 00:08:41.921 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Scared straight.
00:08:41.988 --> 00:08:43.322 line:85% position:35% size:48%
[ canned laughter ]
00:08:43.389 --> 00:08:44.924 line:85% position:48% size:73%
This next clip really made me
00:08:44.991 --> 00:08:46.726 line:85% position:38% size:53%
The
butt of the joke!
00:08:46.792 --> 00:08:48.594 line:85% position:20% size:20%
Whoo-ee!
00:08:48.661 --> 00:08:51.397 line:85% position:38% size:55%
This burrito is spicy!
00:08:51.464 --> 00:08:52.164 line:85% position:25% size:28%
[ gulping ]
00:08:52.231 --> 00:08:53.933 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Nothing beats mexican tap water.
00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:55.134 line:85% position:35% size:50%
[ stomach gurgling ]
00:08:55.201 --> 00:08:56.736 line:85% position:45% size:70%
That was probably a mistake.
00:08:56.802 --> 00:08:58.671 line:85% position:33% size:45%
[ farting loudly ]
00:09:03.910 --> 00:09:05.578 line:85% position:45% size:70%
My asshole is still 50% scar
00:09:05.645 --> 00:09:06.212 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Tissue!
00:09:06.279 --> 00:09:07.113 line:85% position:35% size:48%
[ canned laughter ]
00:09:07.179 --> 00:09:08.981 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Between montezuma's revenge and
00:09:09.048 --> 00:09:10.883 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Boy george, it was gonna happen
00:09:10.950 --> 00:09:12.518 line:85% position:35% size:48%
One way or another.
00:09:12.585 --> 00:09:14.287 line:85% position:50% size:78%
>> oh, come on, man, you got to
00:09:14.353 --> 00:09:16.088 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Cash in that "V" card sometime!
00:09:16.155 --> 00:09:17.823 line:85% position:48% size:75%
You're the only virgin I know,
00:09:17.890 --> 00:09:18.457 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Bro!
00:09:18.524 --> 00:09:19.892 line:85% position:40% size:60%
>> yeah, but she's so --
00:09:19.959 --> 00:09:21.761 line:85% position:48% size:73%
>> dude, it's starter [bleep]
00:09:21.827 --> 00:09:23.596 line:85% position:48% size:73%
You work your way up the food
00:09:23.663 --> 00:09:24.797 line:85% position:33% size:43%
Chain, I promise.
00:09:24.864 --> 00:09:27.300 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> oh, uh, geez, sorry.
00:09:27.366 --> 00:09:28.534 line:85% position:38% size:53%
It was my first time.
00:09:28.601 --> 00:09:29.869 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> yeah, you said that.
00:09:29.936 --> 00:09:31.404 line:85% position:45% size:68%
I got an early class, so...
00:09:31.470 --> 00:09:33.139 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> probably too late to put this
00:09:33.205 --> 00:09:33.906 line:85% position:20% size:20%
On, huh?
00:09:33.973 --> 00:09:36.509 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> you didn't put -- oh, my god!
00:09:36.575 --> 00:09:37.710 line:85% position:33% size:43%
And I'm pregnant.
00:09:37.777 --> 00:09:39.045 line:85% position:35% size:50%
>> how can you tell?
00:09:39.111 --> 00:09:40.780 line:85% position:45% size:68%
Well, that's all the time I
00:09:40.846 --> 00:09:41.480 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Have.
00:09:41.547 --> 00:09:43.049 line:85% position:45% size:70%
Yep, for your good buddy the
00:09:43.115 --> 00:09:44.784 line:85% position:48% size:75%
"Bloopers" host, you might say
00:09:44.850 --> 00:09:45.551 line:85% position:25% size:28%
Time is up.
00:09:45.618 --> 00:09:47.253 line:85% position:50% size:78%
For my next trick, I'll need an
00:09:47.320 --> 00:09:47.987 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Assistant.
00:09:48.054 --> 00:09:49.455 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Please welcome my pregnant
00:09:49.522 --> 00:09:51.123 line:85% position:50% size:80%
13-year-old daughter, stephanie!
00:09:51.190 --> 00:09:51.891 line:85% position:25% size:30%
[ applause ]
00:09:51.958 --> 00:09:53.392 line:85% position:45% size:70%
That's right -- I was such a
00:09:53.459 --> 00:09:54.994 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Good parent, god is bumping me
00:09:55.061 --> 00:09:56.595 line:85% position:50% size:78%
To grandparent status way ahead
00:09:56.662 --> 00:09:57.363 line:85% position:25% size:30%
Of schedule!
00:09:57.430 --> 00:09:58.631 line:85% position:40% size:58%
>> dad, my ankles hurt!
00:09:58.698 --> 00:09:59.832 line:85% position:38% size:53%
Please drive me home!
00:09:59.899 --> 00:10:01.500 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> just as soon as daddy commits
00:10:01.567 --> 00:10:02.501 line:85% position:33% size:43%
Hari-kari, honey.
00:10:02.568 --> 00:10:04.036 line:85% position:48% size:75%
Now, when I disembowel myself,
00:10:04.103 --> 00:10:05.538 line:85% position:45% size:70%
You cut my head off with the
00:10:05.604 --> 00:10:06.305 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Katana!
00:10:06.372 --> 00:10:07.606 line:85% position:50% size:80%
>> [ sighs ] I'll be in the car.
00:10:07.673 --> 00:10:10.643 line:85% position:35% size:48%
[ canned laughter ]
00:10:10.710 --> 00:10:11.911 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Stop mocking me.
00:10:11.978 --> 00:10:14.547 line:85% position:35% size:48%
[ canned laughter ]
00:10:14.613 --> 00:10:17.216 line:85% position:38% size:55%
[ distorted laughter ]
00:10:17.283 --> 00:10:18.651 line:10% position:30% size:40%
Stop mocking me!
00:10:18.718 --> 00:10:19.485 line:10% position:20% size:18%
>> dad!
00:10:19.552 --> 00:10:20.519 line:10% position:23% size:25%
>> coming!
00:10:20.586 --> 00:10:22.054 line:10% position:25% size:30%
[ clatters ]
00:10:22.121 --> 00:10:26.292 line:10% position:23% size:25%
[ sloop! ]
00:10:26.359 --> 00:10:28.627 line:10% position:35% size:50%
[ machine-gun fire ]
00:10:28.694 --> 00:10:29.862 line:10% position:40% size:60%
>> ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
00:10:29.929 --> 00:10:31.030 line:10% position:38% size:53%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
00:10:31.097 --> 00:10:32.498 line:10% position:50% size:78%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
00:10:32.565 --> 00:10:33.165 line:10% position:25% size:28%
Bawk bawk ♪
00:10:33.232 --> 00:10:34.300 line:10% position:38% size:53%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
00:10:34.367 --> 00:10:35.301 line:10% position:38% size:53%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
00:10:35.368 --> 00:10:36.802 line:10% position:50% size:78%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
00:10:36.869 --> 00:10:37.470 line:10% position:25% size:28%
Bawk bawk ♪
00:10:37.536 --> 00:10:38.537 line:10% position:38% size:53%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
00:10:38.604 --> 00:10:39.605 line:10% position:38% size:53%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
00:10:39.672 --> 00:10:41.140 line:10% position:50% size:78%
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
00:10:41.207 --> 00:10:41.807 line:10% position:25% size:28%
Bawk bawk ♪
00:10:41.874 --> 00:10:43.743 line:10% position:28% size:35%
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
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