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Webvtt
X-timestamp-map=local:00:00:00.000,mpegts:9000
00:00:04.838 --> 00:00:07.841 line:10% position:35% size:50%
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
00:00:15.715 --> 00:00:17.717 line:10% position:10% size:63% align:start
[ electricity crackling ]
00:00:18.017 --> 00:00:20.019 line:10% position:28% size:28%
It's alive!
00:00:37.937 --> 00:00:39.372 line:85% position:50% size:73%
[ austrian accent ] Yes! Yes!
00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:40.173 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Yes!
00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:42.842 line:85% position:48% size:75%
It takes two for out of sight!
00:00:44.444 --> 00:00:49.249 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ crashing, explosions ]
[ powering down ]
00:00:49.315 --> 00:00:49.849 line:85% position:20% size:13%
D'oh!
00:00:49.916 --> 00:00:51.451 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
00:00:51.518 --> 00:00:54.020 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I tol you road head was a bad
Idea.
00:00:54.087 --> 00:00:54.921 line:85% position:35% size:43%
Hello, earthling.
00:00:54.988 --> 00:00:56.990 line:79% position:10% size:33% align:start
We were on --
Oooh!
00:00:57.056 --> 00:00:58.658 line:74% position:28% size:35%
Why are you --
00:01:06.366 --> 00:01:08.668 line:79% position:43% size:65%
This is starting...To hurt
--ohh!
00:01:08.735 --> 00:01:11.871 line:10% position:45% size:70%
And that's what I did to the
First aliens I found.
00:01:11.938 --> 00:01:14.941 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
Unless you want some of the
Same, you just better mind your
00:01:15.008 --> 00:01:16.042 line:10% position:25% size:30%
P's and q's.
00:01:16.109 --> 00:01:17.510 line:10% position:25% size:25%
[ crying ]
[ sighs ]
00:01:17.577 --> 00:01:20.013 line:10% position:10% size:73% align:start
Honey, do you have to make up
Such horrible stories?
00:01:20.079 --> 00:01:22.048 line:10% position:35% size:48%
Martha, that boy is
Invulnerable.
00:01:22.115 --> 00:01:23.917 line:10% position:40% size:58%
I can't just spank him.
00:01:23.983 --> 00:01:27.053 line:79% position:50% size:80%
[ hispanic accent ] I don't
Often drink beer, but when I do,
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:29.022 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
I usually suck three or four
Male penises.
00:01:29.088 --> 00:01:31.958 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
And on several nonconsecutive
Occasions, I've run over a pet.
00:01:32.025 --> 00:01:34.494 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
Oh, and once, I raped my own
Uncle.
00:01:34.561 --> 00:01:40.333 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
That is why I don't often drink
Beer.
00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:43.336 line:79% position:45% size:68%
Even though janet is no
Longer with us, she's still
00:01:43.403 --> 00:01:44.471 line:85% position:33% size:45%
Alive in my heart.
00:01:44.537 --> 00:01:45.972 line:85% position:43% size:63%
I love you, my baby girl.
00:01:46.039 --> 00:01:49.876 line:79% position:50% size:80%
We will now hear a few words
From janet's friend diablo cody.
00:01:49.943 --> 00:01:52.078 line:85% position:50% size:73%
Janet was a holympic athlete.
00:01:52.145 --> 00:01:53.980 line:85% position:40% size:60%
And her sport? Flirting.
00:01:54.047 --> 00:01:55.949 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
When we hung out, it was like
Flirt and ernie.
00:01:56.015 --> 00:01:58.952 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
Screw the recession -- that girl
Was alw in business.
00:01:59.018 --> 00:02:01.054 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
She was hotter than an oven on
The sun.
00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:03.990 line:79% position:45% size:70%
She was always sexting these
Incredible hunks, like josh.
00:02:04.057 --> 00:02:06.759 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
I thought he was a homo-skillet,
But that's besides the
00:02:06.826 --> 00:02:08.194 line:85% position:25% size:30%
Tito puente.
00:02:08.261 --> 00:02:10.497 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
On a scale of one to zen, janet
Was my "B" to the double "F"
00:02:10.563 --> 00:02:13.099 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
Power, and I'm gonna miss her
Like demeanor elliot.
00:02:13.166 --> 00:02:15.401 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
You know, janet was my
Fashionista sister.
00:02:15.468 --> 00:02:16.870 line:85% position:43% size:65%
She had this one tube top.
00:02:16.936 --> 00:02:19.472 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
The thing made her look like a
Pixy stick smuggling
00:02:19.539 --> 00:02:21.975 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
Volleyballs smuggling grapes
Smuggling craisins.
00:02:22.041 --> 00:02:25.011 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
So, put your mitts together and
Make some alfred.
00:02:25.078 --> 00:02:27.113 line:85% position:43% size:63%
Alfred noyes -- the poet.
00:02:27.180 --> 00:02:28.114 line:85% position:30% size:40%
Make some noise.
00:02:28.181 --> 00:02:29.682 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
All right, I'm out like slap
Bracelets.
00:02:29.749 --> 00:02:31.351 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start
Peace in the middle yeast
Infection.
00:02:31.417 --> 00:02:33.987 line:79% position:50% size:70%
[ all gasp ]
Shut the [bleep] Up already!
00:02:34.053 --> 00:02:36.122 line:85% position:48% size:73%
Mom, why is diablo cody here?
00:02:36.189 --> 00:02:38.224 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
Did you even read my suicide
Note?
00:02:38.291 --> 00:02:40.126 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ up-tempo '60s music plays ]
[ chuckles ]
00:02:40.193 --> 00:02:42.829 line:79% position:50% size:80%
Most of us will die in vietnam,
But at least it'll teach america
00:02:42.896 --> 00:02:45.965 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
A valuable lesson on fighting
Needless wars.
00:02:46.032 --> 00:02:51.738 line:10% position:50% size:80%
[ video-game theme music plays ]
All right.
00:02:51.804 --> 00:02:53.206 line:79% position:13% size:30% align:start
[ chuckles ]
Come on!
00:02:53.273 --> 00:02:53.773 line:85% position:18% size:8%
Oh!
00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:54.541 line:85% position:18% size:8%
No!
00:02:54.607 --> 00:02:56.376 line:85% position:35% size:50%
You contra bastards!
00:02:56.442 --> 00:02:57.577 line:85% position:38% size:55%
Or are we the contras?
00:02:57.644 --> 00:02:58.511 line:85% position:33% size:43%
I never got that.
00:02:58.578 --> 00:02:59.979 line:79% position:25% size:28%
[ beeping ]
I'm back!
00:03:00.046 --> 00:03:01.347 line:85% position:45% size:65%
Blue pants! You're alive?!
00:03:01.414 --> 00:03:02.148 line:85% position:28% size:28%
I guess so.
00:03:02.215 --> 00:03:03.249 line:85% position:38% size:53%
Maybe we're immortal.
00:03:03.316 --> 00:03:05.518 line:85% position:33% size:38%
Let's find out.
00:03:05.585 --> 00:03:06.519 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Aah!
00:03:06.586 --> 00:03:09.455 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ beeping ]
Both: "Groundhog day" [bleep]
00:03:09.522 --> 00:03:12.058 line:79% position:50% size:70%
You want to kill me, but you
Can't!
00:03:12.125 --> 00:03:14.260 line:79% position:48% size:73%
Low hand, high hand, and poke
You in the peepers!
00:03:14.327 --> 00:03:15.261 line:85% position:35% size:45%
Hey, check it out.
00:03:15.328 --> 00:03:15.995 line:85% position:30% size:38%
Give me a hand.
00:03:16.062 --> 00:03:18.598 line:85% position:43% size:63%
Ooh! Boom on your helmet!
00:03:18.665 --> 00:03:22.001 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
♪ doing the running man
♪ running as fast as I can
00:03:22.068 --> 00:03:23.169 line:85% position:33% size:38%
Wall of spikes!
00:03:23.236 --> 00:03:24.170 line:85% position:38% size:48%
Hey, how you doing?
00:03:24.237 --> 00:03:26.005 line:79% position:43% size:63%
Excuse me, soldier, I was
Wondering --
00:03:26.072 --> 00:03:26.606 line:85% position:25% size:23%
Oh, yeah!
00:03:26.673 --> 00:03:27.206 line:85% position:28% size:33%
Boom diggity!
00:03:27.273 --> 00:03:28.041 line:85% position:28% size:28%
Ballsville!
00:03:28.107 --> 00:03:29.475 line:85% position:43% size:60%
Oh, your pellet hurt me!
00:03:29.542 --> 00:03:31.077 line:79% position:48% size:75%
Well, we'll shoot that one,
And that one explodes, and the
00:03:31.144 --> 00:03:33.179 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
Other one explodes, and we're
Left with nothing.
00:03:33.246 --> 00:03:34.981 line:79% position:33% size:45%
Why is this bridge
Self-destructive?
00:03:35.048 --> 00:03:35.815 line:85% position:30% size:33%
Check it out.
00:03:35.882 --> 00:03:36.749 line:85% position:33% size:38%
Thank you, sir.
00:03:36.816 --> 00:03:38.017 line:85% position:35% size:48%
May I have another?
00:03:38.084 --> 00:03:40.019 line:79% position:50% size:65%
A strange monster for this
Industrial wasteland.
00:03:40.086 --> 00:03:42.488 line:85% position:43% size:58%
Both: go, contra-a-a-a!
00:03:42.555 --> 00:03:43.389 line:85% position:35% size:45%
Hey, check it out.
00:03:43.456 --> 00:03:44.991 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
Oh, is this a message in a
Bottle?
00:03:45.058 --> 00:03:46.025 line:85% position:35% size:50%
Oh, no -- a grenade!
00:03:46.092 --> 00:03:47.026 line:85% position:33% size:45%
Oh, grab the kids!
00:03:47.093 --> 00:03:48.995 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start
What are we gonna --
Wait a minute!
00:03:49.062 --> 00:03:51.564 line:79% position:35% size:50%
I'm immortal [bleep]
Wait.
00:03:54.934 --> 00:03:55.635 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Hey.
00:03:55.702 --> 00:03:57.003 line:85% position:15% size:8%
No!
00:03:57.070 --> 00:04:02.642 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
What kind of sick [bleep] Gives
A man exactly 30 lives?
00:04:02.709 --> 00:04:06.212 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ beeping ]
You think a group of children
00:04:06.279 --> 00:04:07.113 line:85% position:25% size:30%
Can stop me?
00:04:07.180 --> 00:04:09.616 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
Come taste my magic and know
Oblivion!
00:04:09.682 --> 00:04:12.185 line:79% position:50% size:78%
You may be stronger, venger,
But we're on the side of right,
00:04:12.251 --> 00:04:14.520 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
And that makes this battle as
Lopsided as your helmet.
00:04:14.587 --> 00:04:18.057 line:79% position:48% size:73%
My helmet? What are you --
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
00:04:18.124 --> 00:04:23.262 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I've only had this helmet for
Two months.
00:04:23.329 --> 00:04:26.065 line:79% position:40% size:58%
Y-your ruse won't work,
Venger.
00:04:26.132 --> 00:04:27.300 line:85% position:20% size:20%
Face us!
00:04:27.367 --> 00:04:29.235 line:79% position:45% size:70%
Will you shut up and help me
Look for my horn?!
00:04:29.302 --> 00:04:30.670 line:85% position:50% size:80%
A-are one of you standing on it?
00:04:30.737 --> 00:04:31.137 line:85% position:20% size:15%
Uhh...
00:04:31.204 --> 00:04:32.005 line:85% position:23% size:20%
W-what?!
00:04:32.071 --> 00:04:33.406 line:85% position:50% size:78%
How would we be standing on it?
00:04:33.473 --> 00:04:35.008 line:85% position:38% size:50%
I don't know, diana.
00:04:35.074 --> 00:04:37.410 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
But I do know that when I left
Home this morning, I had two
00:04:37.477 --> 00:04:38.678 line:85% position:43% size:63%
[bleep] Horns on my head.
00:04:38.745 --> 00:04:39.946 line:85% position:35% size:50%
L-look, I-I'm sorry.
00:04:40.013 --> 00:04:42.315 line:79% position:43% size:65%
The helmet was a gift from
Someone who isn't with us
00:04:42.382 --> 00:04:43.282 line:85% position:20% size:20%
Anymore.
00:04:43.349 --> 00:04:44.917 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
So if I'm freaking out, it's
Just --
00:04:44.984 --> 00:04:45.718 line:85% position:23% size:18%
No, no.
00:04:45.785 --> 00:04:47.253 line:85% position:50% size:73%
We'll...Help you look for it.
00:04:47.320 --> 00:04:48.254 line:85% position:33% size:38%
T-thanks, guys.
00:04:48.321 --> 00:04:49.922 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Just...Thanks.
00:04:53.092 --> 00:04:55.228 line:79% position:43% size:65%
Today, a blond, white girl
Was brutally murdered.
00:04:55.294 --> 00:04:57.096 line:85% position:40% size:58%
Hot, hot film at 11:00.
00:05:09.108 --> 00:05:14.247 line:79% position:38% size:53%
[ eerie music plays ]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
00:05:14.313 --> 00:05:16.783 line:85% position:35% size:48%
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
00:05:16.849 --> 00:05:20.186 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Aaaaaaah!
00:05:20.253 --> 00:05:22.255 line:85% position:33% size:45%
What do you want?!
00:05:24.424 --> 00:05:26.225 line:85% position:18% size:15%
Well?!
00:05:28.327 --> 00:05:31.264 line:85% position:45% size:70%
Do -- do you want something?
00:05:31.330 --> 00:05:32.965 line:85% position:23% size:23%
Anything?
00:05:35.034 --> 00:05:37.370 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
Well, I have to get up early,
So...
00:05:37.437 --> 00:05:41.541 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start
[ chuckles nervously ]
So...Good night.
00:05:41.607 --> 00:05:42.542 line:85% position:25% size:23%
Oh, what?
00:05:42.608 --> 00:05:44.610 line:85% position:50% size:80%
Like we all have to be assholes?
00:05:46.479 --> 00:05:51.951 line:79% position:13% size:58% align:start
[ whimpers ]
You will pay for cobra!
00:05:52.018 --> 00:05:54.687 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
Or you can choose from
Third-party health-insurance
00:05:54.754 --> 00:05:56.222 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Plans, both ppos and hmos.
00:05:56.289 --> 00:05:58.224 line:85% position:28% size:28%
All: cobra!
00:05:58.291 --> 00:06:01.294 line:79% position:38% size:53%
[ laughs maniacally ]
[ thunder crashes ]
00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:03.730 line:85% position:35% size:50%
Beware, gotham city.
00:06:03.796 --> 00:06:07.266 line:85% position:50% size:68%
Nothing can stop the joker!
00:06:08.367 --> 00:06:15.908 line:79% position:13% size:73% align:start
[ cackles ]
[ scuffling, both screaming ]
00:06:15.975 --> 00:06:17.977 line:79% position:28% size:33%
[ screaming ]
[ screaming ]
00:06:32.592 --> 00:06:33.326 line:85% position:18% size:8%
No!
00:06:33.392 --> 00:06:34.660 line:85% position:48% size:75%
One more punch would kill you.
00:06:34.727 --> 00:06:35.928 line:85% position:38% size:53%
And I won't kill you.
00:06:35.995 --> 00:06:37.930 line:85% position:50% size:63%
That somehow means I win.
00:06:37.997 --> 00:06:41.868 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
I go to jail, escape, kill
People, go to jail, rinse and
00:06:41.934 --> 00:06:42.668 line:85% position:20% size:18%
Repeat.
00:06:42.735 --> 00:06:43.836 line:85% position:50% size:68%
Yes, it's an endless cycle.
00:06:43.903 --> 00:06:46.472 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
But I've sworn to let the courts
Do their work.
00:06:46.539 --> 00:06:48.074 line:85% position:25% size:28%
What to do?
00:06:48.141 --> 00:06:50.343 line:85% position:25% size:30%
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
00:06:50.409 --> 00:06:52.645 line:79% position:50% size:80%
And due to the persuasive
Testimony of the batman -- thank
00:06:52.712 --> 00:06:55.782 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
You, batman -- the court has
Decided upon the death penalty.
00:06:55.848 --> 00:06:58.284 line:79% position:43% size:63%
It's, uh...It's out of my
Hands.
00:06:58.351 --> 00:07:03.689 line:79% position:50% size:78%
Maurice p. Joker, for 2,391
Counts of murder and many other
00:07:03.756 --> 00:07:07.226 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
Crimes that seem minor next to
2,391 counts of murder, you have
00:07:07.293 --> 00:07:09.228 line:85% position:40% size:60%
Been sentenced to death.
00:07:09.295 --> 00:07:10.997 line:85% position:40% size:60%
Have you any last words?
00:07:11.063 --> 00:07:14.267 line:85% position:50% size:73%
I know jesus has forgiven me.
00:07:14.333 --> 00:07:15.301 line:85% position:33% size:38%
Is that a joke?
00:07:15.368 --> 00:07:17.036 line:79% position:20% size:20%
[ sobs ]
No!
00:07:17.103 --> 00:07:18.104 line:85% position:28% size:28%
Here we go!
00:07:18.171 --> 00:07:21.274 line:79% position:43% size:63%
[ electricity crackling ]
[ screaming ]
00:07:21.340 --> 00:07:23.009 line:85% position:35% size:43%
That's not right.
00:07:23.075 --> 00:07:28.314 line:79% position:40% size:58%
[ screaming continues ]
[ all gasp ]
00:07:28.381 --> 00:07:29.415 line:85% position:50% size:68%
Keep going until he's dead.
00:07:29.482 --> 00:07:32.385 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start
It would be monstrous to stop
Now.
00:07:32.451 --> 00:07:35.288 line:85% position:45% size:63%
[bleep] You, dork knight!
00:07:41.928 --> 00:07:45.064 line:79% position:35% size:48%
[ screaming stops ]
D'oh! Oh! Uh-oh!
00:07:45.131 --> 00:07:49.235 line:79% position:35% size:48%
[ crackling stops ]
Aaaaaah!
00:07:49.302 --> 00:07:52.305 line:79% position:38% size:55%
[ all scream ]
Oh, I-I-I didn't know.
00:07:52.371 --> 00:07:54.707 line:85% position:33% size:45%
I-I...Didn't know.
00:07:54.774 --> 00:07:57.243 line:85% position:20% size:13%
Wait.
00:07:57.310 --> 00:07:58.845 line:85% position:20% size:20%
But why?
00:07:58.911 --> 00:08:01.380 line:85% position:28% size:30%
For barbara.
00:08:04.984 --> 00:08:05.818 line:79% position:13% size:25% align:start
[ laughs ]
Huh?
00:08:05.885 --> 00:08:06.619 line:85% position:23% size:18%
Aaaaah!
00:08:06.686 --> 00:08:10.456 line:79% position:13% size:30% align:start
[ chuckles ]
"Eeeeee!"
00:08:10.523 --> 00:08:12.325 line:85% position:43% size:58%
Go, gordon! Go, gordon!
00:08:12.391 --> 00:08:15.561 line:79% position:48% size:75%
This is hal lexington for the
8:00 news, saying have a great
00:08:15.628 --> 00:08:17.163 line:85% position:45% size:70%
Night, and [bleep] You, dad.
00:08:17.230 --> 00:08:18.865 line:85% position:25% size:30%
[bleep] You.
00:08:18.931 --> 00:08:19.866 line:85% position:30% size:33%
Oh, computer!
00:08:19.932 --> 00:08:22.134 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
Your real name should be
"Porn funnel."
00:08:22.201 --> 00:08:25.104 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
I love my family more than you,
But only collectively.
00:08:25.171 --> 00:08:28.040 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
On a case-by-case basis, I love
You more than any...
00:08:28.107 --> 00:08:31.310 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
[ yawns ]
...Individual family member.
00:08:31.377 --> 00:08:33.379 line:85% position:23% size:25%
It's true.
00:08:38.584 --> 00:08:40.753 line:79% position:10% size:30% align:start
[ gasps ]
Oh, my gosh.
00:08:40.820 --> 00:08:42.855 line:85% position:40% size:60%
I'm inside the computer!
00:08:42.922 --> 00:08:45.057 line:79% position:40% size:58%
We must fight the
Master-control program.
00:08:45.124 --> 00:08:46.125 line:79% position:23% size:23%
[ gasps ]
Wow!
00:08:46.192 --> 00:08:48.461 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start
You're the topless girl from
"Caddyshack"!
00:08:48.527 --> 00:08:49.295 line:85% position:25% size:25%
I am yori.
00:08:49.362 --> 00:08:50.696 line:85% position:40% size:55%
You're lacey underall!
00:08:50.763 --> 00:08:52.932 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start
[ laughs ]
Underalls are stockings.
00:08:52.999 --> 00:08:54.600 line:85% position:35% size:50%
Good pun, mr. Ramis.
00:08:58.437 --> 00:08:59.071 line:85% position:20% size:20%
Dang it!
00:08:59.138 --> 00:09:00.606 line:85% position:25% size:23%
You fool!
00:09:00.673 --> 00:09:02.875 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start
In my real life, I'm a computer
Programmer, so I have a huge
00:09:02.942 --> 00:09:04.577 line:85% position:30% size:38%
Advantage here.
00:09:04.644 --> 00:09:08.748 line:79% position:50% size:80%
But you throw a frisbee like
A computer programmer, so that's
00:09:08.814 --> 00:09:09.682 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Not great.
00:09:09.749 --> 00:09:13.719 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
[ echoing ] We lost our
Frisbees!
00:09:13.786 --> 00:09:16.055 line:85% position:50% size:68%
Oh, does that mean we tied?
00:09:19.592 --> 00:09:21.093 line:85% position:35% size:48%
Cool! A glow stick!
00:09:21.160 --> 00:09:23.329 line:85% position:50% size:78%
We can pretend we're at a rave!
00:09:23.396 --> 00:09:26.832 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
[ imitating techno music ]
Hey, ladies.
00:09:26.899 --> 00:09:29.335 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
[ imitating techno music ]
Let's drink some shots!
00:09:29.402 --> 00:09:31.971 line:85% position:38% size:50%
Ugh. Please shut up.
00:09:32.038 --> 00:09:34.307 line:85% position:50% size:65%
Oh, my gosh! Light cycles!
00:09:34.373 --> 00:09:36.242 line:85% position:28% size:35%
Yes! Yes! Yes!
00:09:36.309 --> 00:09:37.944 line:85% position:38% size:53%
It's true! It's true!
00:09:38.010 --> 00:09:40.379 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
You really can pee your pants
And have an erection at the same
00:09:40.446 --> 00:09:41.814 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Time!
00:09:41.881 --> 00:09:42.615 line:85% position:25% size:28%
Look at me!
00:09:42.682 --> 00:09:45.017 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
I'm the opening credits to
"Frasier."
00:09:45.084 --> 00:09:49.422 line:79% position:43% size:63%
♪ scrambled eggs
You're screwed now, nerd!
00:09:49.488 --> 00:09:51.023 line:85% position:48% size:73%
Our light cycles never crash!
00:09:51.090 --> 00:09:52.224 line:85% position:28% size:28%
Oh, really?
00:09:52.291 --> 00:09:53.960 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
Try installing third-party
Software of any kind.
00:09:54.026 --> 00:09:55.728 line:79% position:50% size:63%
I'm downloading shareware
Right now.
00:09:55.795 --> 00:09:57.063 line:85% position:23% size:25%
Aaaaaaagh!
00:09:57.129 --> 00:10:02.401 line:79% position:48% size:73%
[ tires screech ]
Goodbye, evil staple remover!
00:10:02.468 --> 00:10:03.235 line:85% position:18% size:13%
Whoa!
00:10:03.302 --> 00:10:05.471 line:85% position:45% size:68%
The master-control program!
00:10:05.538 --> 00:10:07.173 line:85% position:35% size:43%
Behold, outsider.
00:10:07.239 --> 00:10:09.141 line:85% position:43% size:65%
Behold how high-tech I am.
00:10:09.208 --> 00:10:11.577 line:85% position:35% size:45%
Uh, well, I guess.
00:10:11.644 --> 00:10:14.246 line:79% position:43% size:65%
I mean --
Why, it would take nothing
00:10:14.313 --> 00:10:16.882 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start
Short of ping-pong balls to
Defeat me!
00:10:16.949 --> 00:10:19.585 line:79% position:50% size:68%
[ beep ]
Oh, yeah, I forgot how much
00:10:19.652 --> 00:10:21.620 line:85% position:48% size:73%
This part of the game sucked.
00:10:21.687 --> 00:10:23.589 line:79% position:25% size:28%
[ beeping ]
Oh, no!
00:10:23.656 --> 00:10:25.624 line:85% position:43% size:63%
Are you some kind of god?
00:10:25.691 --> 00:10:26.993 line:85% position:23% size:20%
I guess.
00:10:27.059 --> 00:10:29.061 line:79% position:43% size:63%
Computers will still rule
Humans one day.
00:10:29.128 --> 00:10:32.598 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
Or, at the very least, computers
Will really annoy humans one
00:10:32.665 --> 00:10:33.899 line:85% position:15% size:10%
Day.
00:10:33.966 --> 00:10:35.401 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
Just you wait until that
Annoying kid with the dandruff
00:10:35.468 --> 00:10:37.970 line:79% position:50% size:73%
From high school finds you on
Facebook and bugs you to play
00:10:38.037 --> 00:10:40.573 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
Knockoff scrabble twice a day,
And you'll kind of get hooked on
00:10:40.639 --> 00:10:43.309 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
It, and then a legal battle will
Make them yank the game down,
00:10:43.376 --> 00:10:45.978 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start
Just when your scores were
Really starting to kick ass, and
00:10:46.045 --> 00:10:47.580 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start
Then --
[ beeping intensifies ]
00:10:47.646 --> 00:10:50.716 line:79% position:10% size:25% align:start
[ chokes ]
You win.
00:10:50.783 --> 00:10:51.684 line:85% position:18% size:10%
Yes!
00:10:51.751 --> 00:10:54.086 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start
I am now the master of all
Computers!
00:10:54.153 --> 00:10:56.188 line:85% position:50% size:78%
Bring on the endless free porn!
00:10:56.255 --> 00:10:58.524 line:85% position:43% size:60%
Your wish is my command.
00:10:58.591 --> 00:11:00.926 line:79% position:38% size:53%
[ beep ]
Oh, yeah, I forgot --
00:11:00.993 --> 00:11:03.095 line:85% position:23% size:25%
It's 1982.
00:11:03.162 --> 00:11:05.798 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start
So, lacey underall, I don't
Suppose you want to play strip
00:11:05.865 --> 00:11:06.899 line:85% position:35% size:48%
Poker for realsies?
00:11:06.966 --> 00:11:09.468 line:79% position:13% size:48% align:start
[ chuckles ]
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
00:11:09.535 --> 00:11:12.038 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
00:11:12.104 --> 00:11:13.806 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
Bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
00:11:13.873 --> 00:11:16.409 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
00:11:16.475 --> 00:11:18.077 line:10% position:10% size:48% align:start
Bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
00:11:18.144 --> 00:11:20.613 line:10% position:10% size:78% align:start
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
00:11:20.679 --> 00:11:22.181 line:10% position:10% size:35% align:start
Bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
26724
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