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1
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,381
...holiday blues, and it results
2
00:00:16,448 --> 00:00:18,633
from things
like stress, fatigue,
3
00:00:18,701 --> 00:00:20,351
over-commercialization,
4
00:00:20,419 --> 00:00:22,037
inability to be
with family and friends,
5
00:00:22,104 --> 00:00:23,171
unrealistic expectations...
6
00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,506
In other words,
you have no idea.
7
00:00:25,574 --> 00:00:26,625
But what can I do?
8
00:00:26,692 --> 00:00:29,294
Well, keep your expectations
manageable,
9
00:00:29,361 --> 00:00:33,098
but most important, you need
to trust in the way things work.
10
00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:35,917
Embrace the lessons
of every challenge,
11
00:00:35,984 --> 00:00:38,620
and expect good
from everything that seems bad.
12
00:00:38,688 --> 00:00:40,054
Thank you, Doctor.
Don't buy it.
13
00:00:40,122 --> 00:00:41,088
It's bogus.
14
00:00:41,156 --> 00:00:42,290
Enjoy your Christmas.
15
00:00:42,358 --> 00:00:44,158
Give me a break.
16
00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:45,820
Okay.
17
00:01:49,992 --> 00:01:52,109
How are you feeling, ma'am?
18
00:01:53,596 --> 00:01:55,229
Now, you've been
in an accident.
19
00:01:55,297 --> 00:01:56,348
We're here to help.
20
00:01:56,415 --> 00:01:58,449
I'm going to get you
to the hospital, okay?
21
00:01:58,517 --> 00:02:00,484
What did you say?
22
00:02:00,552 --> 00:02:02,186
You're
going to be all right, ma'am.
23
00:02:02,254 --> 00:02:03,104
You can trust us...
24
00:02:03,171 --> 00:02:04,689
But most important,
25
00:02:04,756 --> 00:02:06,975
trust in the way things work.
26
00:02:07,042 --> 00:02:09,110
Embrace the lessons
of every challenge
27
00:02:09,177 --> 00:02:13,331
and... expect good
from everything that seems bad.
28
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:14,465
What?
29
00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:17,085
It's okay,
ma'am, it's okay.
30
00:02:17,153 --> 00:02:19,470
You're going to
be all right.
31
00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:26,978
Yes?
32
00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:32,066
Colonel.
33
00:02:32,134 --> 00:02:35,036
I was in the building, um...
34
00:02:35,104 --> 00:02:36,905
Things okay?
35
00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:39,674
I haven't killed anyone.
36
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,927
That's encouraging.
37
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,681
Look, do you...
you get samples of medication,
38
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,433
sleeping pills,
that sort of thing?
39
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,852
I don't have any on hand, if
that's what you're asking.
40
00:02:53,638 --> 00:02:54,906
Are you in the habit
of taking sleep aids?
41
00:02:54,973 --> 00:02:57,058
No, just the opposite.
It's part of the problem.
42
00:02:57,126 --> 00:03:00,445
I... I've had insomnia
for four days.
43
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:01,946
I thought I'd get past it.
44
00:03:02,014 --> 00:03:03,948
supplements,
45
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:05,833
allergy medication;
nothing's worked.
46
00:03:05,901 --> 00:03:08,720
I just need something
to get me over the hump.
47
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,521
Something disturbing you?
48
00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:13,341
My body is just out of whack.
49
00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:15,192
I'd call that disturbing.
50
00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:17,995
Things have happened.
51
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:20,247
Since your hostage crisis?
52
00:03:20,315 --> 00:03:22,850
You're calling that a crisis?
53
00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:28,406
Uh, wasn't that the reason
that we met?
54
00:03:29,241 --> 00:03:31,993
I was under orders.
55
00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:34,612
So...
56
00:03:34,679 --> 00:03:36,881
can you write me
a prescription?
57
00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:39,667
Not without a more substantive
conversation.
58
00:03:39,735 --> 00:03:41,936
Therapy. Hmm.
59
00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:44,105
I just need to get a sense
of your state of mind.
60
00:03:44,173 --> 00:03:47,325
Now, were-weren't you just...
getting ready to leave?
61
00:03:52,414 --> 00:03:54,582
I could talk a bit.
62
00:03:59,188 --> 00:04:01,822
It's stuff at the office,
mostly.
63
00:04:01,890 --> 00:04:04,158
Um, there's been tension
with a colleague.
64
00:04:04,226 --> 00:04:06,127
You and I need
to clear the air.
65
00:04:06,195 --> 00:04:08,296
I'm not sure
you don't still resent me
66
00:04:08,363 --> 00:04:10,398
for withholding news
about your boyfriend.
67
00:04:10,465 --> 00:04:11,099
You've made
your argument.
68
00:04:11,166 --> 00:04:12,784
The information
was classified.
69
00:04:12,851 --> 00:04:13,785
And you accept that?
70
00:04:13,852 --> 00:04:15,119
On a professional level.
71
00:04:15,187 --> 00:04:16,788
Anyway, it's old news.
72
00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:18,589
I tracked him down.
73
00:04:18,657 --> 00:04:20,691
You serious?
74
00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,777
What do you know?
75
00:04:25,748 --> 00:04:27,848
You're not going to tell me.
76
00:04:27,916 --> 00:04:29,233
Classified.
77
00:04:29,301 --> 00:04:31,068
I'm already in the loop.
78
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:34,205
Hmm. The loop turned
into a figure eight.
79
00:04:34,272 --> 00:04:36,374
What does that mean?
80
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,442
Sorry.
81
00:04:37,509 --> 00:04:39,577
I want you to respect me
in the morning.
82
00:04:43,232 --> 00:04:44,799
Can you discuss
it with me?
83
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:45,750
To a point.
84
00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:48,169
You were looking for
your boyfriend...
85
00:04:48,237 --> 00:04:51,672
A CIA officer by trade.
86
00:04:51,741 --> 00:04:55,009
Call him John, for the sake
of this discussion.
87
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,862
Commander Turner's
questions
88
00:04:57,929 --> 00:04:59,764
actually prompted
my curiosity about him,
89
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:02,099
which encouraged me
to track him down.
90
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:03,768
That led me to Hawaii
on a mission
91
00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:05,636
to bring back his body,
92
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:08,022
which actually turned out to
be... I'm sorry? John was dead?
93
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,241
Alive and kicking,
as it turned out.
94
00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:12,911
I have the bruises
to prove it.
95
00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:15,679
You'll need to explain.
96
00:05:16,632 --> 00:05:18,299
He faked his own death,
97
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:21,769
pretended to be one of three
who drowned at sea.
98
00:05:22,537 --> 00:05:24,055
He deceived you.
99
00:05:24,122 --> 00:05:26,808
It was actually one deception
in two parts.
100
00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:29,343
A bargain at any price.
101
00:05:29,411 --> 00:05:31,813
I'm surprised you think
your sleeplessness
102
00:05:31,881 --> 00:05:33,481
has to do with office tension.
103
00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:34,632
It doesn't.
104
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:38,135
I just don't want
to get into it.
105
00:05:39,888 --> 00:05:41,823
Could I ask you to sit down?
106
00:05:58,657 --> 00:06:00,875
Did you love this man?
107
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,611
I was working on it.
108
00:06:03,678 --> 00:06:06,447
Until he
betrayed you.
109
00:06:06,515 --> 00:06:09,250
It's a hell of a thing.
110
00:06:09,318 --> 00:06:10,185
And you ended it?
111
00:06:10,252 --> 00:06:11,852
The two of us
had it out,
112
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,771
and then he went...
113
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:17,975
off to save the world
from people like himself.
114
00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,761
Was the confrontation
unsatisfying?
115
00:06:20,829 --> 00:06:25,132
He had no sense
of what he had put me through.
116
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,969
He said he was sorry, but, um...
117
00:06:28,036 --> 00:06:31,772
it was... clearly business.
118
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,075
What did you want
from the encounter?
119
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:37,712
His actual death
would have been appropriate.
120
00:06:40,382 --> 00:06:42,516
Do you have fantasies
about killing John?
121
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,804
No...
122
00:06:46,871 --> 00:06:49,807
No.
123
00:06:49,874 --> 00:06:52,810
His mother, maybe.
124
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:01,919
I.D., ma'am?
125
00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:05,639
Where is he?
126
00:07:05,707 --> 00:07:07,909
With the others, ma'am,
in the adjoining room.
127
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,778
I'd like to see him.
128
00:07:10,846 --> 00:07:12,279
Sorry, Colonel.
129
00:07:12,347 --> 00:07:14,448
He needs to be ID'd,
Chief.
130
00:07:14,516 --> 00:07:17,451
Already done, dear.
131
00:07:18,286 --> 00:07:20,421
Are you Sarah?
132
00:07:20,488 --> 00:07:22,640
Yes.
133
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,927
I'm Mrs. Porter Webb.
134
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,801
Thank you.
135
00:07:37,873 --> 00:07:39,574
Um, no chairs?
136
00:07:39,642 --> 00:07:42,643
We're not set up
for this, ma'am.
137
00:07:45,013 --> 00:07:47,632
Well, I'm glad
you're here.
138
00:07:47,699 --> 00:07:50,134
You had quite an effect
on my son.
139
00:07:51,887 --> 00:07:53,988
He loved you, my dear.
140
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:57,141
Take it to heart.
141
00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:01,429
That said...
142
00:08:01,497 --> 00:08:03,931
let him go.
143
00:08:03,999 --> 00:08:07,768
It won't serve any of us
to dwell on this.
144
00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:11,655
Should've picked up
on the cues.
145
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:15,426
His mother was
part of the ruse.
146
00:08:15,493 --> 00:08:17,762
When I asked the deputy
director of the CIA
147
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,597
to let me accompany
John's body back,
148
00:08:19,664 --> 00:08:21,398
he sent her down ahead of me.
149
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,701
Once next of kin makes
the identification,
150
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:25,953
the remains are off limits.
151
00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:28,239
You didn't speak to her
before you left for Hawaii?
152
00:08:28,306 --> 00:08:30,207
We had never met.
153
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:32,110
Why weren't you more suspicious?
154
00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:34,578
Doesn't viewing generally occur
on the mainland?
155
00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:37,064
She had special
clearances,
156
00:08:37,132 --> 00:08:39,116
was a former agency
code breaker.
157
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:41,586
His father was
also an insider.
158
00:08:41,653 --> 00:08:44,338
Well, that must have
concerned you on some level.
159
00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:45,623
I didn't use standard logic
160
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:47,792
because of my close relationship
with John.
161
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,927
I expected fair play.
162
00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:52,730
You said the deception
was in two parts.
163
00:08:55,484 --> 00:08:57,852
Prior to the drowning incident,
164
00:08:57,919 --> 00:08:59,721
he'd gone to great lengths
to make me think
165
00:08:59,788 --> 00:09:02,573
he was in Germany when he was
actually in Indonesia.
166
00:09:02,641 --> 00:09:04,458
And that didn't signal anything?
167
00:09:04,526 --> 00:09:07,612
Why are you doubting
my instincts?
168
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,246
Because you already have.
169
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,298
I'm just following
your lead.
170
00:09:11,366 --> 00:09:12,466
For what purpose?
171
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:13,868
To help you identify
your feelings.
172
00:09:13,935 --> 00:09:16,087
I already know what I'm
feeling- I'm pissed.
173
00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:17,588
That it?
Humiliated.
174
00:09:17,656 --> 00:09:18,522
I would think so.
175
00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:19,840
Hurt, I guess.
176
00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:22,510
The idea that they could
take advantage of my grief.
177
00:09:23,445 --> 00:09:24,929
You felt grief?
178
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,730
Well, what do you think?
179
00:09:26,798 --> 00:09:29,950
I think... you should answer
the question.
180
00:09:30,018 --> 00:09:31,769
You know what?
181
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:33,271
I'm not doing
this anymore.
182
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,240
I feel worse now
than when I came in.
183
00:09:36,308 --> 00:09:37,625
Well, that's unfortunate,
but I can't see
184
00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:39,793
how I've done anything
to threaten you.
185
00:09:39,861 --> 00:09:43,497
Well, we'll just make it
my problem, then.
186
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:58,128
I need that prescription.
187
00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,953
Easy, easy,
easy, easy.
188
00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:23,254
What was that, ma'am?
189
00:10:28,493 --> 00:10:30,178
I hear you.
190
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,765
You want to know
if I grieved?
191
00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:35,266
Yes.
192
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,769
He wasn't dead.
193
00:10:37,836 --> 00:10:40,437
And prior to your
knowing that?
194
00:10:40,505 --> 00:10:42,606
I cried.
195
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:50,714
Did it make you
feel better, worse?
196
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,549
I couldn't characterize it.
197
00:10:52,617 --> 00:10:54,718
It was what it was.
198
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,720
Well, I think the
idea of grieving
199
00:10:56,789 --> 00:11:00,024
is to express loss
in as complete
200
00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:02,560
and honest a way
as possible.
201
00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,896
Does that describe
what you experienced?
202
00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:06,631
What does it matter?
203
00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:08,749
A great deal, if your process
was cut short.
204
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:09,934
I really can't say.
205
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,301
What about the loss
206
00:11:11,369 --> 00:11:12,653
of your relationship-
did you grieve that?
207
00:11:12,688 --> 00:11:17,357
Yeah, I was so sad
to get rid of that bastard.
208
00:11:18,827 --> 00:11:20,561
How long were
you together?
209
00:11:20,562 --> 00:11:22,379
About a year.
210
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,114
Do you have good
memories about that year?
211
00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:25,850
Yeah, some.
212
00:11:25,868 --> 00:11:27,701
Do they feel invalidated?
213
00:11:27,786 --> 00:11:30,037
You bet.
214
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:31,805
You could grieve that-
215
00:11:31,874 --> 00:11:33,124
the loss of
those memories.
216
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:35,325
Why?
They're meaningless now.
217
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,978
Is that the attitude you've
taken with the men in your life?
218
00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:39,747
Well, two of them
were shot dead.
219
00:11:39,814 --> 00:11:41,749
Not many
Hallmark moments there.
220
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,852
We spoke of your husband.
221
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,187
Who else?
222
00:11:46,255 --> 00:11:48,272
Dalton, a man I was seeing,
223
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:52,359
was shot by a cop
who was stalking me.
224
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:53,694
Did you say a cop?
225
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:57,047
My life is a tabloid.
226
00:11:57,099 --> 00:11:58,832
Is that really
how you look at it?
227
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,084
It's hard not to.
228
00:12:02,136 --> 00:12:03,837
The term is "diminishing. "
229
00:12:03,906 --> 00:12:05,840
Making light of, what
I would assume to be,
230
00:12:05,907 --> 00:12:07,641
painful experiences.
231
00:12:07,709 --> 00:12:10,111
Well, whatever
gets you through the day.
232
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,546
Ah, but we're talking
about the night, aren't we?
233
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:15,482
Yes.
234
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:17,902
Do you feel guilty
about what happened?
235
00:12:19,821 --> 00:12:21,222
I'm an alcoholic.
236
00:12:21,290 --> 00:12:22,823
I feel guilty
about everything.
237
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:25,309
Do you still drink?
238
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:27,578
Not since Dalton.
239
00:12:27,645 --> 00:12:30,547
That's an
accomplishment.
240
00:12:30,615 --> 00:12:35,152
John was drinking, around
the time of my hostage crisis.
241
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,170
Were you resentful?
242
00:12:36,238 --> 00:12:37,438
Yes,
243
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,189
but he also
wouldn't let me get away
244
00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:42,192
with any of my crap,
which helped me deal with it.
245
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:43,494
And there's a good memory.
246
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:47,030
But, as Harm likes to point out,
he's a liar,
247
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:49,600
and that card
trumps all the others.
248
00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:51,586
Which one is Harm?
249
00:12:51,653 --> 00:12:55,022
You know, one of
the people at the office.
250
00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:57,758
And you discuss things with him?
251
00:12:57,826 --> 00:13:00,561
Endlessly.
252
00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:04,065
I'm sorry, I
usually switch it
253
00:13:04,132 --> 00:13:05,766
to voice mail
before a session.
254
00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:06,717
Excuse me.
255
00:13:09,070 --> 00:13:10,003
Commander McCool.
256
00:13:10,071 --> 00:13:11,171
Hey, baby, how are you?
257
00:13:11,239 --> 00:13:12,206
Hi.
258
00:13:12,273 --> 00:13:14,408
Um, not right away.
259
00:13:14,475 --> 00:13:16,110
What time does it start, 7:30?
260
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:20,914
Tell her I'm proud of her
and I'll see her soon.
261
00:13:20,982 --> 00:13:23,217
I got to go.
262
00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:24,468
Love you, too.
263
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,742
You have a daughter.
264
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,044
Just turned 11.
265
00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:36,397
Need to leave?
266
00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:37,681
Eventually.
267
00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:41,819
So, back to Harm.
268
00:13:41,886 --> 00:13:43,436
I don't want to talk about Harm.
269
00:13:43,504 --> 00:13:45,973
I would like
to ask you a question.
270
00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:48,492
You have a family.
I don't.
271
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:51,212
Different lives.
272
00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:55,049
What makes you feel
qualified to judge me-
273
00:13:55,116 --> 00:13:57,935
your piece of paper
on the wall?
274
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:01,605
That piece of paper
on my wall qualifies me
275
00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:04,308
to listen, not to judge.
276
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:05,509
So, if there's
anything more
277
00:14:05,576 --> 00:14:07,211
you have to offer
about yourself,
278
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:09,646
I welcome that.
279
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:14,618
Otherwise, it might be
a good idea for you to leave.
280
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:20,992
I haven't been
turning the lights on
281
00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:22,994
in my apartment at night.
282
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:28,766
After I come home from work I...
283
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:31,702
I leave them off.
284
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:34,138
How long have you
been doing this?
285
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:36,573
Last three days.
286
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:39,176
At first I thought
it would help me fall asleep.
287
00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:43,147
Didn't work, but for some
reason I just kept it up.
288
00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:45,382
Have you been
depressed?
289
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,918
At not being
able to sleep.
290
00:14:47,986 --> 00:14:51,856
Could it be a manifestation
of deeper pain?
291
00:14:51,923 --> 00:14:54,491
I'll leave the
interpretations up to you.
292
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:55,826
Try this, then.
293
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:58,395
Maybe it's a way of
not having to look
294
00:14:58,463 --> 00:14:59,897
at the choices
you've made.
295
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,331
In furniture?
296
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:03,868
A home is a reflection of
how you live your life-
297
00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:05,703
the colors,
how you use it,
298
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:07,204
how you share it.
299
00:15:07,272 --> 00:15:12,143
The colors are warm,
300
00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:16,547
and to relax
I sort and clean bones.
301
00:15:16,614 --> 00:15:19,333
I'm sort of an amateur
paleontologist.
302
00:15:19,384 --> 00:15:20,651
I find it relaxes me.
303
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:23,453
Does that make me
death-obsessed or something?
304
00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:24,605
I don't know.
305
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:26,807
I'm more interested
in what you left out.
306
00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:29,042
I left something out?
307
00:15:29,111 --> 00:15:31,245
Has anyone other than you
ever lived there?
308
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:37,250
Man I almost married.
309
00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:38,919
What happened?
310
00:15:41,222 --> 00:15:43,624
We didn't get married.
311
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,459
Was that a painful experience?
312
00:15:45,494 --> 00:15:48,278
I have to say it was.
313
00:15:48,296 --> 00:15:50,730
And now you live alone.
314
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,682
In the dark.
315
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:56,019
What about John?
316
00:16:01,075 --> 00:16:03,276
He leaves the lights on.
317
00:16:03,311 --> 00:16:06,580
Did you live together?
318
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:07,447
No.
319
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:08,832
Did you
discuss it?
320
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,167
We didn't.
321
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:11,835
Did you
consider it?
322
00:16:11,903 --> 00:16:13,904
Here and there.
323
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,055
Would you have married him?
324
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:16,106
Possibly.
325
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:18,041
And had
a family?
326
00:16:18,109 --> 00:16:20,076
Thank God we didn't.
327
00:16:20,144 --> 00:16:22,613
The idea of little spooksters
running around
328
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,616
mumbling into
their sneaker phones.
329
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:26,967
Do you want children?
330
00:16:27,035 --> 00:16:28,836
Sure.
331
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:32,139
And now the idea
seems less possible.
332
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:36,726
Colonel?
333
00:16:39,014 --> 00:16:40,230
Let's go there.
334
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,532
No. You're going to
need to at some point.
335
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,734
Well, I've been very
successful at avoiding it,
336
00:16:44,802 --> 00:16:46,403
thank you very much.
337
00:16:46,471 --> 00:16:48,205
Now, if only
you could sleep.
338
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:54,377
Better to talk about it in
a place where you can feel safe.
339
00:16:56,297 --> 00:16:59,332
Well, that isn't here.
340
00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:01,735
Where, then?
341
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,029
This isn't easy.
342
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,415
I understand.
343
00:17:17,419 --> 00:17:19,353
Recently I had surgery
344
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:22,856
to find out
why I was having back pain.
345
00:17:26,627 --> 00:17:28,429
Any pain at all?
346
00:17:28,496 --> 00:17:29,829
It's gone.
347
00:17:29,897 --> 00:17:31,631
That's
great news.
348
00:17:31,699 --> 00:17:35,302
Does this... does this improve
my chances of conceiving?
349
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:36,636
Not likely.
350
00:17:36,704 --> 00:17:40,674
No, maybe I didn't make
myself clear last time.
351
00:17:40,741 --> 00:17:42,076
No, no,
you did.
352
00:17:42,143 --> 00:17:44,010
It's just that
I thought maybe the, um,
353
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:46,246
the pain might
be related to, uh...
354
00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,915
Your endometriosis
is advanced, Colonel.
355
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,367
I did what I could,
356
00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:52,919
but your fallopian tubes,
ovaries and uterus
357
00:17:52,987 --> 00:17:54,488
were all compromised.
358
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:57,173
But if you were able
to remove the lesions
359
00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:58,308
in my lower intestine...
360
00:17:58,376 --> 00:18:01,495
It's a simpler procedure.
361
00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:06,050
You talked about
some kind of medication.
362
00:18:06,117 --> 00:18:08,585
I really think
we've explored the options
363
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,754
with regards to fertility.
364
00:18:10,821 --> 00:18:12,473
Conception is not possible?
365
00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:14,124
Your chances are small.
366
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:15,325
How small?
367
00:18:15,393 --> 00:18:17,577
Less than five percent.
368
00:18:26,755 --> 00:18:28,856
I'm sorry, Colonel.
369
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:32,993
Is your doctor's office
in this complex?
370
00:18:33,061 --> 00:18:34,295
Give yourself a point.
371
00:18:34,362 --> 00:18:36,430
Did you just come here
from her office?
372
00:18:36,497 --> 00:18:38,098
Two points.
373
00:18:38,166 --> 00:18:40,166
Why didn't you ask her
for sleep medication?
374
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:44,387
I was about to, but she got
called into emergency surgery.
375
00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:46,606
So you came to me.
376
00:18:46,674 --> 00:18:49,226
You know, you could be
our big jackpot winner.
377
00:18:50,145 --> 00:18:52,996
Do you consider
this behavior clever
378
00:18:53,064 --> 00:18:55,499
or can you
just not help yourself?
379
00:18:57,685 --> 00:19:01,287
What do you want to know?
380
00:19:02,874 --> 00:19:05,075
Have you given up
on the idea of conceiving?
381
00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:07,394
You think?
382
00:19:07,462 --> 00:19:10,998
Do you resent me
for having a child?
383
00:19:13,818 --> 00:19:16,153
I hope not.
384
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:17,671
Well...
385
00:19:23,077 --> 00:19:25,379
Maybe if you tried
to focus on the positive.
386
00:19:25,446 --> 00:19:29,049
Yeah, approximately the odds
of being struck by lightning.
387
00:19:29,116 --> 00:19:30,817
But a chance nonetheless.
388
00:19:30,885 --> 00:19:32,720
Physicians don't like
absolutes, Commander.
389
00:19:32,787 --> 00:19:34,187
It embarrasses them
when they're wrong,
390
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,639
and to be perfectly
cynical about it,
391
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:36,840
it hikes the
damage amount
392
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:39,143
on their malpractice suits.
393
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,146
Bottom line, I'm infertile.
394
00:19:42,213 --> 00:19:44,514
And how do you feel about that?
395
00:19:44,582 --> 00:19:47,351
I'm considering a cat.
396
00:20:04,535 --> 00:20:05,735
Hello.
397
00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:06,971
Hello, is this Harmon Rabb?
398
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,205
This is he.
399
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,873
Sir, MacKenzie's been injured
in an accident.
400
00:20:15,263 --> 00:20:18,364
Bear with me.
Hold on.
401
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,501
I understand your
reaction, Colonel.
402
00:20:21,569 --> 00:20:22,836
Do you?
403
00:20:22,904 --> 00:20:24,171
You've been
betrayed
404
00:20:24,239 --> 00:20:25,305
by someone
you trusted.
405
00:20:25,372 --> 00:20:28,441
You've discovered
you can't conceive.
406
00:20:29,411 --> 00:20:31,461
Traumatic stuff,
407
00:20:31,529 --> 00:20:32,662
paralyzing even.
408
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:34,331
I'm not paralyzed.
409
00:20:34,416 --> 00:20:36,516
You characterize it, then.
410
00:20:36,584 --> 00:20:39,169
Stuff is coming up.
411
00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:40,937
What stuff?
412
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:45,175
The past, things I've done,
haven't done.
413
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:46,793
Are you regretful?
414
00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:49,029
To an extent.
415
00:20:49,097 --> 00:20:50,530
What do you
regret?
416
00:20:54,268 --> 00:20:57,871
Waiting too long.
417
00:20:57,939 --> 00:21:00,424
To have a child?
418
00:21:03,361 --> 00:21:05,662
With the right guy.
419
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,014
Would that have been
your first husband?
420
00:21:07,115 --> 00:21:09,366
No. God, no.
421
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,151
Dalton?
422
00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:12,001
No.
423
00:21:12,153 --> 00:21:13,419
Your fiancé?
424
00:21:13,487 --> 00:21:14,487
None of them.
425
00:21:14,489 --> 00:21:17,090
So, the right guy didn't appear.
426
00:21:17,158 --> 00:21:20,260
Maybe I wasn't
really looking.
427
00:21:20,328 --> 00:21:22,963
Do you tend to be attracted
to the wrong man?
428
00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:26,650
My history
certainly bears it out.
429
00:21:26,751 --> 00:21:28,485
Did someone tell you that?
430
00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:31,922
Harm is a big proponent
of this theory.
431
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:35,242
I'm getting familiar
with that name.
432
00:21:35,310 --> 00:21:38,912
It's hard to have
a conversation about my life
433
00:21:38,980 --> 00:21:41,148
without talking about him.
434
00:21:43,117 --> 00:21:45,635
Are the two of you involved?
435
00:21:45,703 --> 00:21:49,522
In ways you can't imagine.
436
00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:54,378
Try me.
437
00:21:58,516 --> 00:22:01,885
We've been dancing
around a relationship
438
00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:04,220
for eight years.
439
00:22:04,288 --> 00:22:07,440
Is he the guy
you've been waiting for?
440
00:22:10,194 --> 00:22:11,995
I wish I had a dollar
for every time
441
00:22:12,063 --> 00:22:15,265
I've asked myself that question.
442
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:18,034
What's been
keeping you apart?
443
00:22:18,102 --> 00:22:20,537
Me.
444
00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:23,273
Him.
445
00:22:25,243 --> 00:22:29,045
Did you ever consider
having a child with Harm?
446
00:22:33,634 --> 00:22:36,102
We made a deal
447
00:22:36,170 --> 00:22:40,541
that if, in five years,
neither of us had children...
448
00:22:42,777 --> 00:22:44,745
...we'd make it happen.
449
00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:48,282
A backup plan.
450
00:22:48,349 --> 00:22:50,217
That was the idea.
451
00:22:50,285 --> 00:22:52,936
I wonder if,
by hedging your bets,
452
00:22:53,003 --> 00:22:55,071
you weren't, in some way,
453
00:22:55,139 --> 00:22:57,874
expecting things
not to work out.
454
00:22:57,942 --> 00:23:00,444
That's too subconscious for me.
455
00:23:00,511 --> 00:23:02,579
Then look at
it this way.
456
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:03,964
Because of your age,
457
00:23:04,031 --> 00:23:07,267
five years increased the odds
against your getting pregnant.
458
00:23:07,335 --> 00:23:09,636
Why pick
that number?
459
00:23:09,704 --> 00:23:11,137
Harm picked it.
460
00:23:11,205 --> 00:23:13,290
But you chose not to revise it.
461
00:23:13,357 --> 00:23:15,425
Couldn't you have made it
462
00:23:15,493 --> 00:23:16,359
two years,
even one?
463
00:23:16,427 --> 00:23:17,844
Five seemed right.
464
00:23:17,912 --> 00:23:19,963
Your doctor told
you that women
465
00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:22,749
who conceive early forestall
the onset of endometriosis.
466
00:23:22,817 --> 00:23:26,135
Do you have a purpose in trying
to make me feel guilty?
467
00:23:26,203 --> 00:23:29,339
I'm just encouraged
you're feeling something.
468
00:23:34,595 --> 00:23:37,264
Did you tell Harm?
469
00:23:39,133 --> 00:23:42,001
I had to.
470
00:23:42,069 --> 00:23:45,071
The five years were up.
471
00:23:52,063 --> 00:23:54,397
I'm so sorry, Mac.
472
00:23:54,465 --> 00:23:57,784
How are you handling it?
473
00:23:57,852 --> 00:24:00,687
With difficulty.
474
00:24:00,755 --> 00:24:03,873
Well, you did a hell of a job
of burying it.
475
00:24:03,941 --> 00:24:07,344
It's the admiral's night.
476
00:24:12,983 --> 00:24:15,919
Any thoughts?
477
00:24:18,389 --> 00:24:20,323
Timing.
478
00:24:20,391 --> 00:24:23,993
I've probably been
this way for a while.
479
00:24:28,632 --> 00:24:33,437
You know,
if you think about it...
480
00:24:33,504 --> 00:24:37,240
it doesn't change things.
481
00:24:37,308 --> 00:24:39,409
What do you mean?
482
00:24:39,477 --> 00:24:42,045
There are other ways.
483
00:24:42,113 --> 00:24:44,213
You...
484
00:24:44,281 --> 00:24:46,817
You're talking
about adoption?
485
00:24:46,884 --> 00:24:50,586
In vitro fertilization,
surrogacy,
486
00:24:50,654 --> 00:24:52,289
donor eggs...
487
00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:56,559
It doesn't matter to
you how it happens?
488
00:24:57,444 --> 00:25:00,530
It matters that it happens
489
00:25:00,598 --> 00:25:02,832
between the two of us.
490
00:25:02,900 --> 00:25:06,970
I'm tired of looking in
on your life, Mac.
491
00:25:07,037 --> 00:25:09,455
I want to be a part of it.
492
00:25:18,382 --> 00:25:21,717
I can't do it.
493
00:25:25,490 --> 00:25:27,874
You turned him down?
494
00:25:27,942 --> 00:25:30,543
He brought it up
less than 12 hours
495
00:25:30,611 --> 00:25:33,513
after learning
of John's death.
496
00:25:33,580 --> 00:25:37,417
Maybe it was his way of
helping you get past it.
497
00:25:37,484 --> 00:25:38,584
My point.
498
00:25:38,652 --> 00:25:41,421
The moment suddenly became
about the two of us.
499
00:25:41,488 --> 00:25:42,722
Because I needed him,
500
00:25:42,790 --> 00:25:45,625
I became vulnerable
to his need for me.
501
00:25:45,692 --> 00:25:48,128
You felt he was trying
to possess you?
502
00:25:48,195 --> 00:25:49,312
He'd been insinuating
503
00:25:49,380 --> 00:25:51,514
that John
wasn't the answer for me.
504
00:25:51,582 --> 00:25:53,750
Which turned out to be true.
505
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,020
He seemed to have an agenda.
506
00:26:00,123 --> 00:26:03,593
Harm is the court-appointed
guardian of a teenage girl
507
00:26:03,661 --> 00:26:04,510
who had been moving
508
00:26:04,662 --> 00:26:06,429
towards a reconciliation
with her father,
509
00:26:06,497 --> 00:26:10,333
and I thought that he
was anticipating losing her.
510
00:26:10,401 --> 00:26:13,219
So you felt offended
511
00:26:13,287 --> 00:26:14,621
because he was needy.
512
00:26:14,689 --> 00:26:16,673
More the impulse that he had
513
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:20,009
towards filling his own void
so quickly.
514
00:26:20,077 --> 00:26:21,194
See, that, I think,
515
00:26:21,262 --> 00:26:24,748
is what has always bothered me
about our relationship-
516
00:26:24,816 --> 00:26:28,151
how self-absorbed
it makes us.
517
00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:31,838
So, you didn't trust
your history with him,
518
00:26:31,906 --> 00:26:35,742
yet you brought him
into your confidence.
519
00:26:35,810 --> 00:26:38,995
He's my closest friend.
520
00:26:39,063 --> 00:26:41,397
What were your expectations?
521
00:26:41,465 --> 00:26:45,935
I just wanted him to be there
for me in an appropriate way.
522
00:26:46,003 --> 00:26:49,572
I wasn't looking
for a replacement.
523
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,309
Under the circumstances,
was that realistic?
524
00:26:56,764 --> 00:26:58,765
Probably not.
525
00:26:58,833 --> 00:27:02,035
Sounds like your thinking
was confused.
526
00:27:02,103 --> 00:27:03,019
I wasn't thinking.
527
00:27:03,086 --> 00:27:05,221
I was reacting.
528
00:27:05,289 --> 00:27:07,223
Has that served
you in the past?
529
00:27:07,291 --> 00:27:10,010
No.
530
00:27:10,077 --> 00:27:13,046
Then why
didn't you allow yourself
531
00:27:13,114 --> 00:27:15,581
the time to consider it?
532
00:27:18,402 --> 00:27:21,771
Harm asked me
almost the exact same thing.
533
00:27:24,341 --> 00:27:27,777
Having a child with you
is not going to solve anything.
534
00:27:27,845 --> 00:27:28,795
It'll push us forward.
535
00:27:28,862 --> 00:27:30,864
I don't want
to be pushed anywhere.
536
00:27:30,931 --> 00:27:33,266
I have a lot to deal with;
so do you.
537
00:27:33,334 --> 00:27:35,702
Mattie is not an issue, Mac.
538
00:27:35,769 --> 00:27:39,088
It's that simple-
you can just move on?
539
00:27:39,156 --> 00:27:41,524
No, it's not simple,
but I can move on.
540
00:27:41,592 --> 00:27:43,059
She's talking to her dad now.
541
00:27:43,127 --> 00:27:44,961
They-They're sharing things.
542
00:27:45,028 --> 00:27:48,398
I, more than anyone,
should be able to understand it.
543
00:27:48,466 --> 00:27:50,933
So I'm okay.
544
00:27:51,001 --> 00:27:53,936
Even though someone you know
just died?
545
00:27:54,004 --> 00:27:55,639
Yeah.
546
00:27:55,706 --> 00:27:59,725
Is that why you've shown
no sadness or regret
547
00:27:59,793 --> 00:28:01,895
or anything?
548
00:28:01,962 --> 00:28:04,964
I've been concentrating
on what you were feeling.
549
00:28:05,032 --> 00:28:08,535
I'm not taking
this lightly, Mac.
550
00:28:08,602 --> 00:28:10,236
I know Clay and I
had our differences,
551
00:28:10,303 --> 00:28:11,504
and I also know
552
00:28:11,572 --> 00:28:13,773
whenever I needed him,
he was there for me.
553
00:28:16,811 --> 00:28:19,112
I know he was my friend,
554
00:28:19,179 --> 00:28:22,982
and I'm going to miss him.
555
00:28:23,050 --> 00:28:25,084
I'm going to miss
the way you looked
556
00:28:25,152 --> 00:28:26,686
when you talked about him.
557
00:28:28,756 --> 00:28:30,123
He made you
feel good,
558
00:28:30,191 --> 00:28:31,657
and, uh, up until now,
559
00:28:31,725 --> 00:28:34,660
it's more than I've
been able to do.
560
00:28:41,702 --> 00:28:44,571
Mac, look,
no pressure.
561
00:28:46,474 --> 00:28:47,940
Let's just see.
562
00:28:48,008 --> 00:28:49,943
All right,
let me look
563
00:28:50,010 --> 00:28:53,279
into the possibility.
564
00:28:58,585 --> 00:29:00,520
Did he?
565
00:29:00,587 --> 00:29:02,389
Yes.
566
00:29:02,456 --> 00:29:04,391
And what came of that?
567
00:29:04,458 --> 00:29:07,560
Nothing. I wasn't ready.
568
00:29:07,628 --> 00:29:10,146
And how did he respond?
569
00:29:10,214 --> 00:29:13,282
He gave me space.
570
00:29:13,350 --> 00:29:14,934
Is that what you wanted?
571
00:29:16,220 --> 00:29:17,554
Not exactly.
572
00:29:17,621 --> 00:29:20,623
I wanted him
to make my pain go away.
573
00:29:20,691 --> 00:29:23,526
And you made him go away
instead.
574
00:29:25,713 --> 00:29:27,780
You can't always get
what you want.
575
00:29:31,018 --> 00:29:34,688
When you were in crisis
in your other relationships,
576
00:29:34,755 --> 00:29:36,055
who did you go to?
577
00:29:36,123 --> 00:29:38,725
Do I really need to say it?
578
00:29:38,792 --> 00:29:39,792
Every time?
579
00:29:39,860 --> 00:29:40,977
Mm-hmm.
580
00:29:42,730 --> 00:29:45,231
Do you believe
he'll ever abandon you?
581
00:29:47,251 --> 00:29:48,785
No.
582
00:29:48,852 --> 00:29:52,289
Then, regardless
of your choices, isn't Harm
583
00:29:52,356 --> 00:29:55,292
the one you've always intended
to be with?
584
00:29:56,277 --> 00:29:58,595
Then why aren't I?
585
00:29:58,662 --> 00:30:00,763
Perhaps you're biding your time.
586
00:30:00,831 --> 00:30:02,415
No.
587
00:30:02,483 --> 00:30:04,384
I ran out of time.
588
00:30:04,451 --> 00:30:06,035
Do you always expect
the worst from life, Colonel?
589
00:30:06,103 --> 00:30:07,687
I'm not answering
that question.
590
00:30:07,755 --> 00:30:08,855
Why?
591
00:30:08,923 --> 00:30:11,324
Because I'm feeling
manipulated.
592
00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:13,709
This is what I hate
about therapists.
593
00:30:13,777 --> 00:30:17,013
Why does everyone
who's ever talked to a therapist
594
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,716
have to have some overarching,
lifelong dysfunction?
595
00:30:20,784 --> 00:30:21,767
They don't.
596
00:30:21,835 --> 00:30:23,803
Yeah, but that's the way
it always plays out.
597
00:30:23,870 --> 00:30:25,238
How much therapy have you had?
598
00:30:25,306 --> 00:30:26,573
Hardly any,
599
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,424
but I've talked to those
who have had a lot,
600
00:30:28,492 --> 00:30:30,961
and they think that they're
products of their pasts,
601
00:30:31,028 --> 00:30:32,078
which makes them assume
602
00:30:32,146 --> 00:30:33,880
that they don't have
to take any responsibility
603
00:30:33,947 --> 00:30:36,199
or have any free will
for their own problems.
604
00:30:36,267 --> 00:30:38,484
"So I'm so sorry
I screwed up,
605
00:30:38,552 --> 00:30:41,370
but my dad was a drunk. "
606
00:30:41,438 --> 00:30:44,090
Was your dad a drunk?
607
00:30:44,157 --> 00:30:47,777
I was giving you an example
of what I meant.
608
00:30:47,845 --> 00:30:50,179
It doesn't make the question
irrelevant.
609
00:30:50,247 --> 00:30:51,380
This is what I mean.
610
00:30:51,448 --> 00:30:54,851
It is too easy to fit the pieces
where you want them to go.
611
00:30:54,919 --> 00:30:58,004
Did your father
have a problem with alcohol?
612
00:30:58,072 --> 00:30:59,222
Yes.
613
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:01,007
And are you using it
as an excuse?
614
00:31:01,075 --> 00:31:02,341
No.
615
00:31:02,409 --> 00:31:04,226
Then how am I manipulating you?
616
00:31:05,262 --> 00:31:07,413
You have no intention
617
00:31:07,481 --> 00:31:09,582
of writing me that prescription,
do you?
618
00:31:10,601 --> 00:31:12,952
No, Colonel.
619
00:31:13,020 --> 00:31:15,989
I would have if you hadn't
revealed your alcoholism.
620
00:31:16,056 --> 00:31:18,457
I won't, as a rule,
prescribe medication
621
00:31:18,525 --> 00:31:21,160
to those with a history
of substance abuse.
622
00:31:21,228 --> 00:31:22,561
On the other hand,
623
00:31:22,629 --> 00:31:24,831
I don't believe you have
any intention of leaving here
624
00:31:24,898 --> 00:31:27,399
until you've talked things out.
625
00:31:28,602 --> 00:31:30,854
So, who's
manipulating whom?
626
00:31:30,921 --> 00:31:33,089
I don't know,
627
00:31:33,156 --> 00:31:35,358
but it doesn't matter
because I am leaving.
628
00:31:35,425 --> 00:31:36,776
Thanks.
629
00:31:36,844 --> 00:31:39,863
One last question.
630
00:31:39,930 --> 00:31:41,080
Why do you
631
00:31:41,148 --> 00:31:42,665
always choose
632
00:31:42,733 --> 00:31:43,917
to be alone?
633
00:32:19,286 --> 00:32:21,971
Can you tell me
what you were feeling?
634
00:32:25,409 --> 00:32:27,510
More than I intended.
635
00:32:28,478 --> 00:32:33,366
That, Colonel, is grief.
636
00:32:57,424 --> 00:32:59,608
I just realized
637
00:32:59,676 --> 00:33:01,527
what a beautiful day it is...
638
00:33:01,595 --> 00:33:04,046
was.
639
00:33:04,114 --> 00:33:07,049
Welcome to the moment.
640
00:33:07,117 --> 00:33:10,219
Yeah, I've been
preoccupied.
641
00:33:10,287 --> 00:33:12,388
For good reason.
642
00:33:12,456 --> 00:33:14,207
Did I make you miss
your daughter's thing?
643
00:33:14,275 --> 00:33:16,158
My husband's
taping it.
644
00:33:16,226 --> 00:33:18,945
Was it a party
or something?
645
00:33:19,012 --> 00:33:20,680
Piano recital.
646
00:33:20,748 --> 00:33:22,514
I'm sorry.
647
00:33:22,582 --> 00:33:23,716
Don't apologize.
648
00:33:23,783 --> 00:33:26,119
Just stop resisting.
649
00:33:26,186 --> 00:33:27,753
I want to be able
to help you,
650
00:33:27,821 --> 00:33:29,289
as I would
any patient.
651
00:33:29,356 --> 00:33:31,757
Mm, I'm back to being
a patient now, am I?
652
00:33:33,193 --> 00:33:34,827
You're the one who
chose to return.
653
00:33:34,894 --> 00:33:37,597
I must need you.
654
00:33:37,665 --> 00:33:40,449
You just need
to know how you feel.
655
00:33:40,517 --> 00:33:43,236
I'm getting clearer.
656
00:33:45,339 --> 00:33:47,289
For example?
657
00:33:47,357 --> 00:33:51,827
I've always wanted
to carry a child.
658
00:33:53,030 --> 00:33:55,231
Raising one is not enough.
659
00:33:55,299 --> 00:33:56,699
Why?
660
00:33:56,767 --> 00:33:59,319
There's an attorney
I work with.
661
00:33:59,386 --> 00:34:02,288
His, uh, wife used
to run the office.
662
00:34:02,356 --> 00:34:05,891
They have two children, and
she's pregnant with twins.
663
00:34:05,959 --> 00:34:08,961
She just left JAG to
become a full-time mom,
664
00:34:09,029 --> 00:34:11,964
and I thought she
was having misgivings
665
00:34:12,032 --> 00:34:14,300
about putting
off her career.
666
00:34:14,368 --> 00:34:17,704
So I visited her, and
I asked her about it.
667
00:34:20,574 --> 00:34:24,043
She admitted that she
missed her job, but...
668
00:34:25,278 --> 00:34:29,682
...it couldn't hold a candle
to having a child.
669
00:34:29,750 --> 00:34:32,435
She said that being
pregnant was...
670
00:34:33,604 --> 00:34:35,104
...was a spiritual
experience for her,
671
00:34:35,172 --> 00:34:37,306
like collaborating
with God.
672
00:34:38,909 --> 00:34:40,910
And then,
673
00:34:40,978 --> 00:34:43,446
she showed me a picture
of her latest ultrasound.
674
00:34:43,513 --> 00:34:47,817
I had never seen one before.
675
00:34:47,885 --> 00:34:49,736
The fetuses were positioned
in a way
676
00:34:49,803 --> 00:34:52,588
that looked
like they were praying.
677
00:34:52,656 --> 00:34:54,440
It took my breath away.
678
00:34:59,296 --> 00:35:02,431
I've never created anything.
679
00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:08,771
And now that option is gone.
680
00:35:08,839 --> 00:35:10,038
Theoretically.
681
00:35:10,106 --> 00:35:12,842
You must play the lottery.
682
00:35:12,910 --> 00:35:15,627
I don't, actually,
683
00:35:15,695 --> 00:35:19,866
but I think those who do,
684
00:35:19,933 --> 00:35:20,933
in a small way,
685
00:35:21,001 --> 00:35:24,237
are rejecting
the notion of limitations.
686
00:35:24,304 --> 00:35:26,705
You want
to create something?
687
00:35:26,773 --> 00:35:28,057
Create opportunities.
688
00:35:28,125 --> 00:35:30,659
Or at least embrace
those available to you.
689
00:35:30,727 --> 00:35:32,594
Harm.
690
00:35:32,662 --> 00:35:34,597
You've got a history
to overcome.
691
00:35:34,665 --> 00:35:36,766
Hmm.
692
00:35:36,833 --> 00:35:39,402
But two of his suggestions,
if they worked,
693
00:35:39,470 --> 00:35:41,287
could result
in pregnancy.
694
00:35:41,354 --> 00:35:43,556
It's too late.
695
00:35:43,624 --> 00:35:44,707
Not yet.
696
00:35:45,692 --> 00:35:48,177
I haven't told you everything.
697
00:35:51,548 --> 00:35:53,315
Hey.
I was gonna say
698
00:35:53,383 --> 00:35:54,867
I was in the neighborhood
and thought I'd stop by,
699
00:35:54,935 --> 00:35:57,503
but, um, there's nothing
in your neighborhood.
700
00:35:57,570 --> 00:35:59,204
You want to talk?
701
00:35:59,272 --> 00:36:01,907
That would be good.
702
00:36:01,975 --> 00:36:03,592
Can it wait until the morning?
703
00:36:03,660 --> 00:36:05,327
You busy?
704
00:36:05,395 --> 00:36:07,029
Well, w-we were about
to sit down.
705
00:36:08,565 --> 00:36:09,715
Oh, I thought
Mattie was with her dad.
706
00:36:09,783 --> 00:36:11,751
She is.
707
00:36:11,818 --> 00:36:13,586
Hey, Colonel.
708
00:36:13,654 --> 00:36:15,972
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to butt in,
709
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,507
but the timer just went off.
710
00:36:17,574 --> 00:36:19,975
Oh, uh, hang on
one second.
711
00:36:21,245 --> 00:36:22,845
Why don't you come in?
712
00:36:22,913 --> 00:36:25,164
No, no, um, you guys
enjoy your meal.
713
00:36:25,231 --> 00:36:26,799
Are you sure?
714
00:36:26,866 --> 00:36:29,151
Yeah, I was just
in the neighborhood, so...
715
00:36:29,219 --> 00:36:30,220
Okay.
716
00:36:30,287 --> 00:36:31,487
Um,
717
00:36:31,555 --> 00:36:33,188
tell him I'll call him later.
718
00:36:38,745 --> 00:36:40,563
Did you call him?
719
00:36:40,631 --> 00:36:41,564
No.
720
00:36:41,632 --> 00:36:42,932
Why not?
721
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:44,483
He was making dinner
for another woman.
722
00:36:44,551 --> 00:36:46,485
He didn't want
to talk to me.
723
00:36:47,787 --> 00:36:49,355
Well, that's an
assumption, isn't it?
724
00:36:51,091 --> 00:36:53,525
He could have been heating
up a pizza for all you know.
725
00:36:53,593 --> 00:36:55,928
He could have said that
he would talk to me later,
726
00:36:55,996 --> 00:36:58,714
but what he said was
he'd call me the next day.
727
00:36:58,782 --> 00:37:00,065
Did he?
728
00:37:00,133 --> 00:37:01,150
I don't know.
729
00:37:01,217 --> 00:37:03,385
I left early.
730
00:37:03,453 --> 00:37:07,206
You have no direct evidence
that he slept with this woman.
731
00:37:07,274 --> 00:37:09,391
No.
732
00:37:09,459 --> 00:37:12,728
So, why go down that road?
733
00:37:12,796 --> 00:37:14,663
There are no stop signs.
734
00:37:14,731 --> 00:37:16,065
Stop, Colonel.
735
00:37:18,001 --> 00:37:19,735
When did this happen?
736
00:37:19,803 --> 00:37:21,670
Last night.
737
00:37:21,738 --> 00:37:23,906
What did you want to
talk to him about?
738
00:37:23,974 --> 00:37:26,359
Why I couldn't sleep.
739
00:37:26,427 --> 00:37:28,695
Thought he might have
some answers.
740
00:37:28,762 --> 00:37:30,996
Are you angry with him?
741
00:37:31,064 --> 00:37:31,798
No.
742
00:37:31,948 --> 00:37:33,699
He has every right
to give up on me.
743
00:37:33,767 --> 00:37:35,951
This is the second time
I knocked on his door
744
00:37:36,019 --> 00:37:37,686
after waiting too long.
745
00:37:37,754 --> 00:37:40,522
What if he still
does want you?
746
00:37:40,590 --> 00:37:41,574
He doesn't.
747
00:37:41,642 --> 00:37:42,775
He's moved on.
748
00:37:42,843 --> 00:37:45,411
In ways, actually, I admire.
749
00:37:45,478 --> 00:37:46,913
Such as?
750
00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:51,834
His relationship with Mattie
has helped him grow.
751
00:37:51,901 --> 00:37:56,505
It's hard to admit,
but in some ways,
752
00:37:56,573 --> 00:37:58,707
I think he's passed me.
753
00:37:58,775 --> 00:38:00,893
So catch up.
754
00:38:00,961 --> 00:38:03,429
I'm not sure
I know where to start.
755
00:38:05,665 --> 00:38:07,700
Why do you believe
John deceived you?
756
00:38:07,768 --> 00:38:09,952
Was it because he
didn't care about you?
757
00:38:11,422 --> 00:38:13,589
I assume so.
758
00:38:13,657 --> 00:38:15,407
Was that true?
759
00:38:15,475 --> 00:38:18,027
When I think about it,
760
00:38:18,095 --> 00:38:20,329
it's hard to imagine.
761
00:38:20,397 --> 00:38:22,665
So maybe the answer
is more complicated.
762
00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:29,855
If I could look
at the big picture,
763
00:38:29,923 --> 00:38:33,042
there were probably lives
at stake.
764
00:38:33,109 --> 00:38:35,127
U.S. servicemen.
765
00:38:35,195 --> 00:38:37,597
Maybe John sacrificed
your relationship
766
00:38:37,664 --> 00:38:39,932
for what he considered
to be the greater good.
767
00:38:39,999 --> 00:38:41,684
But he could have made me
part of it.
768
00:38:41,751 --> 00:38:43,619
He didn't have to leave me out.
769
00:38:43,687 --> 00:38:45,254
Maybe he didn't feel safe
enough to include you
770
00:38:45,322 --> 00:38:46,472
in the
first place.
771
00:38:46,540 --> 00:38:48,173
Ah, you're saying
he didn't trust me?
772
00:38:48,241 --> 00:38:49,392
Maybe not enough.
773
00:38:49,459 --> 00:38:50,342
He's a spook.
774
00:38:50,494 --> 00:38:51,727
He doesn't trust anyone.
775
00:38:51,795 --> 00:38:53,913
He trusted his mother.
776
00:38:55,816 --> 00:38:58,083
But he still betrayed me.
777
00:38:58,151 --> 00:38:59,785
No doubt.
778
00:39:01,905 --> 00:39:04,874
But if I could have
that conversation ever again,
779
00:39:04,942 --> 00:39:07,543
I would probably
ask different questions.
780
00:39:07,610 --> 00:39:09,261
Maybe you can.
781
00:39:09,329 --> 00:39:10,363
Oh, he's gone.
782
00:39:10,430 --> 00:39:12,498
I will never see him again.
783
00:39:12,566 --> 00:39:15,184
Well, you'll
definitely see Harm.
784
00:39:15,252 --> 00:39:18,020
I'm not looking forward to that.
785
00:39:18,088 --> 00:39:20,856
Why not? I thought you
wanted to bring him closer.
786
00:39:20,924 --> 00:39:22,024
It's too late.
787
00:39:22,092 --> 00:39:23,759
Really?
788
00:39:23,827 --> 00:39:25,895
Well, what are your chances?
789
00:39:25,963 --> 00:39:27,563
Put a number on it.
790
00:39:29,282 --> 00:39:31,350
About the same as my chances
of getting pregnant.
791
00:39:31,417 --> 00:39:33,418
Less than five percent.
792
00:39:33,486 --> 00:39:35,187
Well, that's not zero.
793
00:39:35,923 --> 00:39:38,373
Well, 96% of me says it is.
794
00:39:41,461 --> 00:39:43,662
All right,
795
00:39:43,730 --> 00:39:45,965
think of me
as your loan officer.
796
00:39:46,033 --> 00:39:47,884
I am offering you a
four percent return
797
00:39:47,951 --> 00:39:50,152
on your personal
investments,
798
00:39:50,220 --> 00:39:52,337
a satisfying conclusion to
your former relationship,
799
00:39:52,405 --> 00:39:55,657
a bright outlook
on a future one,
800
00:39:55,725 --> 00:39:58,027
a shot at having a family.
801
00:39:58,095 --> 00:40:00,429
It's better than a T-bill.
802
00:40:00,497 --> 00:40:02,948
Throw in the toaster,
and I'm in.
803
00:40:06,453 --> 00:40:08,520
I have to go.
804
00:40:08,588 --> 00:40:10,639
So do I.
805
00:40:13,810 --> 00:40:14,994
Do you need a
ride somewhere?
806
00:40:15,062 --> 00:40:16,595
Uh, no.
I have my car,
807
00:40:16,663 --> 00:40:19,231
but thank you.
808
00:40:19,299 --> 00:40:21,400
I hope your daughter
understands.
809
00:40:21,467 --> 00:40:23,586
I'll make it up to her.
810
00:40:23,654 --> 00:40:24,737
Think you'll sleep tonight?
811
00:40:24,804 --> 00:40:27,255
I don't know.
812
00:40:27,323 --> 00:40:28,874
Stay positive.
813
00:40:30,677 --> 00:40:32,078
Why not?
814
00:40:35,615 --> 00:40:38,050
Maybe I'll leave
the lights on.
815
00:40:55,335 --> 00:40:57,719
Inhalation therapist,
call 1614...
816
00:40:59,972 --> 00:41:01,974
Hey.
817
00:41:04,644 --> 00:41:06,578
What happened?
818
00:41:07,847 --> 00:41:09,415
I, um...
819
00:41:09,482 --> 00:41:11,417
I wasn't paying
attention,
820
00:41:11,484 --> 00:41:13,719
and I took a
curve too fast.
821
00:41:13,787 --> 00:41:15,988
I'm sorry, Mac.
822
00:41:16,056 --> 00:41:18,391
How did you know?
823
00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:21,928
Well, you were, uh...
824
00:41:21,995 --> 00:41:25,697
You were repeating my name.
825
00:41:25,765 --> 00:41:27,099
One of the paramedics called.
826
00:41:27,167 --> 00:41:30,236
He, uh... he looked
in your PDA, got my number.
827
00:41:30,304 --> 00:41:32,054
You're up. Good.
828
00:41:32,122 --> 00:41:33,873
Hello.
829
00:41:33,941 --> 00:41:36,592
Are you related
to our patient?
830
00:41:36,659 --> 00:41:37,760
A friend.
831
00:41:37,828 --> 00:41:38,844
Ah.
832
00:41:38,912 --> 00:41:41,080
Well, she is very fortunate.
833
00:41:41,148 --> 00:41:43,999
No broken bones
or internal injuries,
834
00:41:44,067 --> 00:41:46,452
and the airbag bruise
on your face
835
00:41:46,519 --> 00:41:48,454
should fade
in three to five days.
836
00:41:48,521 --> 00:41:51,223
But my car was totaled.
837
00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:53,358
I shouldn't have even survived.
838
00:41:53,426 --> 00:41:56,062
Merry Christmas.
839
00:41:59,449 --> 00:42:01,651
That's great.
840
00:42:01,718 --> 00:42:04,286
It's amazing.
841
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,141
I'm gonna stay here tonight.
842
00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:11,978
Did you go to the wall yet?
843
00:42:12,045 --> 00:42:14,814
I'll go to the wall
next year.
844
00:42:27,361 --> 00:42:30,478
I've been pushing you away.
845
00:42:30,546 --> 00:42:32,865
Yeah, you have.
846
00:42:34,368 --> 00:42:36,168
I'm sorry.
847
00:42:36,236 --> 00:42:38,037
It's okay.
848
00:42:38,105 --> 00:42:41,440
You had to, uh,
figure some things out.
849
00:42:41,508 --> 00:42:43,559
I understand.
850
00:42:44,794 --> 00:42:46,729
Look...
851
00:42:48,197 --> 00:42:50,132
Mac...
852
00:42:52,201 --> 00:42:54,503
Nothing's changed,
I'm still here.
853
00:42:54,571 --> 00:42:58,207
Let's just enjoy
the good news.
854
00:42:58,275 --> 00:42:59,274
Be happy.
855
00:42:59,342 --> 00:43:01,376
You're alive.
856
00:43:01,444 --> 00:43:04,547
You know what makes
the news better?
857
00:43:06,115 --> 00:43:08,250
We both are.
858
00:43:31,541 --> 00:43:34,510
To all our friends and family
and loved ones back home,
859
00:43:34,578 --> 00:43:37,179
we just all want
to get together and say...
860
00:43:37,246 --> 00:43:53,378
Happy holidays!
861
00:43:53,446 --> 00:43:54,914
Ooh-rah!
862
00:43:56,215 --> 00:43:59,615
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