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1
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:04,580
The warriors return, but
the war is still not won.
2
00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:07,540
- Those Spaniards are just warmongers,
aren't they? - Yes.
3
00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:10,140
If only we could stop
fighting the Spanish,
4
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:12,020
we might have some time
to fight the French.
5
00:01:13,460 --> 00:01:15,380
Problems, problems, hey Father?
6
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:16,940
Where is young Edmund?
7
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:19,180
He's organising the entertainment
for the party tonight.
8
00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:20,700
He seemed to do it
so well last year.
9
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:23,060
Ah good, that should keep him
out of mischief for a while.
10
00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:25,460
I never know what that boy gets up to.
11
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,980
I do hope we get the morris
dancers again this year.
12
00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:31,180
I must say I love them.
13
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:33,940
Don't you find them
a little boisterous?
14
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,220
Oh no, no I love a good dance.
15
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:38,300
Did you enjoy the morris
dancers last year father?
16
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:41,180
- Hmmm? - The morris dancers
in mother's birthday celebrations.
17
00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:42,740
Yes.
18
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:50,740
- Now I enjoyed the eunuchs.
- Ah yes, the eunuchs, wonderful stuff.
19
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:54,100
I believe that Edmund was thinking
of placing them top of the bill.
20
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:57,940
Oh good, oh I do like them.
I think I like them most of all.
21
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:03,700
- My dear, you will be ready to greet
lord McAngus, won't you? - Yes.
22
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:11,460
What's father giving you
for a present, mama? -Ah.
23
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:14,220
Now it's something rather nice.
- Oh, now let me guess.
24
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:15,660
- Horses?
- No.
25
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:16,740
- A coach perhaps?
- No.
26
00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:18,860
- Jewelry, gold, silver, or something?
- No, no, no.
27
00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:21,940
- Alright, I give in.
- Shropshire.
28
00:02:23,420 --> 00:02:24,420
How delightful.
29
00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:28,420
I know, I've always wanted
Shropshire, it's a lovely county.
30
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:31,380
Now I must get ready.
Come.
31
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:36,300
I have a message for prince
Edmund, your majesty.
32
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,300
I think you'll find him
in his rooms, Rudkin.
33
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:43,140
Oh and your highness,
mylord Thomas says...
34
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:45,900
the problem that you spoke of
earlier has now been solved.
35
00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:48,820
Oh that's wonderful news,
thank you very much indeed.
36
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,340
I wonder which problem that was?
37
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:18,260
The eunuchs have cancelled.
38
00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:22,620
- Oh dear. - Ha. I should have
known, never trust a eunuch.
39
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,380
What are we going to do? The
queen will be most disappointed.
40
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:28,100
Well I know what I'm going to do.
Give me an execution order.
41
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,140
My lord, are you sure?
42
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:31,180
I'm going to teach them a
lesson they'll never forget.
43
00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:34,500
Perhaps we should just
have paid them the money.
44
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:35,700
Money?
45
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,780
They asked for a small
payment, my lord.
46
00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,420
They would have to come from Chester
to be here for the birthday tonight.
47
00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:43,700
Now look, let's ma'ke one thing clear.
This is a royal command performance.
48
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:46,540
There are only two options:
either you do it or you don't do it.
49
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:51,140
If you do it, you don't get paid.
If you don't do it, you get beheaded.
50
00:03:51,140 --> 00:03:52,140
It's that simple.
51
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:54,820
And these damned eunuchs aren't
going to get away with it.
52
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:58,220
I'm going to remove whatever extraneous
parts of their body still remain.
53
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,700
- Baldrick, take that to the lord Chamberlain.
- Yes, my lord.
54
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:03,620
Now, who else have we got?
55
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:06,380
Well, there's the Jumping Jesuits,
my lord.
56
00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:09,780
- And what do they do?
- They jump, my lord.
57
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:11,940
What?
58
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:15,780
Well they come in and they...they jump
a lot my lord. It's a humorous act.
59
00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:19,380
Ha, I'd like to see them make me
laugh. Is there nothing else?
60
00:04:19,620 --> 00:04:22,580
Jerry Merryweather
and his four chickens.
61
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:26,820
What do they do, lay eggs?
- Yes, my lord.
62
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:30,500
And then there's the
morris dancers of course.
63
00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:32,820
Now look, we're not having them.
Morris dancing...
64
00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:36,220
...is the most despicable, fatuous,
10th rate entertainment I've ever seen.
65
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,620
A load of effeminate blacksmiths
waving bits of white cloth...
66
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,460
...they've been wiping
their noses on.
67
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:44,100
It's a positive health hazard.
68
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:45,340
Go away!
69
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:48,340
Hello Edmund. Everything
all right for tonight?
70
00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:49,700
Oooh...so so.
71
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:52,660
Well, I'm looking forward to the
morris dancers, I must say.
72
00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:55,420
- Yes, aren't we all.
- Splendid.
73
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:58,220
Wincing bastard.
74
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:02,820
If only he were, my lord.
75
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,860
- What?
- If only he were a bastard, my lord,
76
00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:10,500
then one day you would be king.
77
00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:13,420
Yes, I would be king. And then what?
78
00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:17,700
- You'd rule the world my lord.
- And that's only half of it.
79
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:22,180
It's just not fair, y'know. Every other
woman in the world has bastard sons,
80
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:25,420
but not my mother. Oh no,
she's just so damn pure.
81
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,700
She daren't even look downwards,
in case she notices her own breasts.
82
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:34,460
The injustice of it sears
my heart to the core.
83
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:38,860
Oh, and you won't forget to come and
meet this Scots chap, will you, Edmund?
84
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,220
Thank you, no, I won't forget.
85
00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:40,660
Jolly good.
86
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,180
Who is this damned
Scotsman, anyway?
87
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,860
His name is McAngus.
88
00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:46,900
Hm. Typical!
89
00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:49,220
He has won great victories apparently.
90
00:05:49,260 --> 00:05:50,940
Oh, yes, that's
what they all say.
91
00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:53,180
They should be back here,
fighting the peasants.
92
00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:55,100
Particularly the Scottish peasants,
93
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:57,340
half of them can't even speak English.
94
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,020
What do they speak?
95
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,100
I don't know. it's all Greek to me.
96
00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:05,700
- They speak Greek?
- No, I mean it sounds like Greek.
97
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,940
Well, if it sounds like Greek,
it probably is Greek.
98
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:13,340
- It's not Greek!
- But it sounds like Greek.
99
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,740
What's not Greek, but sounds like
Greek? That's a good one, sir.
100
00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:19,300
Look it's not meant to
be a brain teaser Percy.
101
00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:23,300
I'm simply telling you that I cannot
understand a blind word they're saying.
102
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:25,580
No wonder sir. Well you've
never learned Greek of course.
103
00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:31,620
Percy, have you ever wondered
what your insides look like?
104
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:34,260
Sometimes, sir, yes.
105
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:37,220
Then I'd be perfectly willing
to satisfy your curiosity.
106
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:41,980
Now get out, both of you, and leave
me to sort out this mincing rabble.
107
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:43,780
You won't forget about
the Scotsman, my lord.
108
00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:45,460
No I won't, go on out.
Oh but Baldrick.
109
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:50,060
- My lord? - You'd better go
and get Bernard the Bear Baiter,
110
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,940
looks like we'll be needing him.
- Certainly my lord.
111
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,380
And tell him to bring a bear this time.
112
00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:59,900
The improvising last year was pathetic.
113
00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:08,300
Did anyone tell my son Edmund
about the arrival of the Scotsman?
114
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:09,540
Yes father, I did.
115
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:15,300
Sorry I'm late. I do wish people
would remind me of these things.
116
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:19,380
Good day, Edmund. Luckily the
Scotsman has not yet arrived.
117
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,580
Huh, typical.
118
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,980
And how are the entertainments
to be this year, Edmund?
119
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:26,300
Ah, I'm afraid they're
looking a little... Spartan.
120
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:28,140
What, Greek?
121
00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:33,900
I'm afraid the eunuchs can't make it.
- Oh dear.
122
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:36,340
They are in Chester and
dare not make the journey
123
00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:38,580
...in this inclement
weather, apparently.
124
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,940
No balls, that's their problem.
125
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:44,700
Yes, well spotted, Henry.
126
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:49,620
My liege.
127
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:54,900
Dougal McAngus places at your
feet the spoils of an enemy at war.
128
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,620
Thank you, most noble knight.
129
00:07:57,620 --> 00:08:00,100
More foreign rubbish
cluttering up the castle.
130
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,620
You won a great victory.
All England praises you.
131
00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:05,020
My lady.
132
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,580
This is Henry, my son,
prince of Wales.
133
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:11,220
I am delighted to meet you.
Well done! - My lord!
134
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,060
And my son Edmund, duke of York.
135
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,300
I'm sorry you could not join
us in the fight your highness.
136
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,340
I hear you're a great swordsman.
137
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,620
Flattery will get you
nowhere, I'm afraid.
138
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,540
But of course no swordsman
is a true swordsman...
139
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:25,380
...till proved in the heat of battle.
140
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:28,180
No doubt you've been back here
fighting the war against poverty.
141
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,580
Well, I've been fighting the
poor, if that's what you mean.
142
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:32,700
Fit action for a prince
of the realm, I suppose.
143
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:35,020
Fitter for a minor Scottish
lord, I'd have thought...
144
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,860
...but you were away
collecting carpets.
145
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,620
Enough of this friendly banter.
146
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,020
- McAngus.
- My lord.
147
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:45,300
You have served your country
well, and must be rewarded.
148
00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:46,460
Absolutely.
149
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:51,500
As you know, my son Edmund owns
many lands in your native Scotland.
150
00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:54,060
Aye, they are some of the
finest and the most fertile.
151
00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:57,420
So let me tell you
what I have decided.
152
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:01,260
In recompense for your great
service against the Spaniards,
153
00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:03,500
I have resolved to give to you...
154
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:06,460
...those very lands till now
administered by my son,
155
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:12,220
to have and to treat as your own, the
taxes collected from them to be yours.
156
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:14,820
- My lord.
- Sorry...
157
00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:17,660
Could you say that again?
158
00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:21,420
- Did you not hear me Edmund?
- No.
159
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:27,060
I'm giving all your lands
in Scotland to McAngus.
160
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:32,340
- Anything you wish to say?
- Er...No. No, that's fine. I mean,
161
00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:34,860
I think I've administered
the land pretty well,
162
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:37,300
but if you think that some
bearded Gallic warthog,
163
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,820
ought to be handed
them on a platter
164
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:41,300
for slaughtering a couple
of syphilitic Spaniards,
165
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,140
then that's fine by me, obviously.
166
00:09:43,180 --> 00:09:44,380
Good.
167
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,380
McAngus, I wish you to accept
these lands as my gift to you.
168
00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:51,980
My lord, I'm deeply honoured.
169
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,300
Perhaps you'd care to join us
for tonight's celebrations.
170
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:58,300
I would be delighted.
171
00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:01,340
I hope your son recovers
his good humour for tonight.
172
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:04,420
Oh, under all that bluster,
he's a very forgiving soul.
173
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:09,500
- I'm going to kill him. And I'm going
to kill him now. - How, my lord?
174
00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:12,100
Thieving Scots rat.
I’m going to stab him.
175
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,900
Where? - In the great hall,
and in the bladder.
176
00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:19,340
But if you stab him
in front of everyone,
177
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:22,020
won’t the finger of blame point
rather firmly in your direction?
178
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:25,740
I don’t care.
- I think your father likes McAngus,
179
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:30,580
and if he suspected you had harmed
him, he’d cut you off without a penny.
180
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:37,940
Ah yes. Yes, perhaps you’re right.
Yes, we need something more cunning.
181
00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,140
I have a cunning plan.
182
00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:41,140
Yes, perhaps, but I think I
may have a more cunning one.
183
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:42,380
Mine’s pretty cunning, my lord.
184
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,060
Yes, but not cunning
enough, I imagine.
185
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,100
Well, it depends how
cunning you mean, sir.
186
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,140
Well, I mean pretty damn cunning,
how cunning do you think I mean?
187
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,300
Mine's quite cunning, my lord.
188
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:50,980
All right then, let's hear it, let's
hear what is so damn cunning.
189
00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:53,700
Well my lord, first you
ask him to come with you.
190
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:57,740
Oh yes, very cunning, brilliantly
cunning, I ask him to come with me,
191
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,300
and then, and then stab him perhaps.
How cunning can you get?
192
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:04,700
- No my lord, you get a cannon and...
- Oh I see, take him outside...
193
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,140
get him to stick his head down
a cannon, then blow it off.
194
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,540
Oh yes, Baldrick, that's a wonderful
idea. Percy, give me your glove.
195
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,060
Open!
196
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,340
Shut up!
197
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:18,220
No, I think I may have a plan,
198
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:21,500
that will give us a little
more... entertainment...
199
00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:17,780
Come in.
What was that?
200
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:21,500
They're slaughtering the swine,
I think. Is everything all right?
201
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,980
I've put a nice warm bedpan in your bed.
202
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:25,460
Thank you, your majesty.
203
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:29,980
Oh, by the way, I met my father
on the way home through France,
204
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:33,940
he sends his kindest regards to you.
- Ah. Have we met before?
205
00:12:34,060 --> 00:12:37,420
I believe so, yes.
The third Duke of Argyll.
206
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:39,100
Oh, yes, of course, yes.
207
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,500
I believe you two knew each
other when you were younger.
208
00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:42,740
I beg your pardon?
209
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:44,860
Oh yes, we did.
210
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,660
Yes well I'm sorry, I
have a lot to see to.
211
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:52,300
- If you will excuse me.
- Your majesty.
212
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,060
Bloody fool, what the hell
do you think you're doing?
213
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,300
I might ask you the same
question your royal highness.
214
00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:09,540
Well I was looking for a hand
off with this helmet, wasn't I?
215
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:14,700
When I heard you slime around my
mother like some kilted anaconda,
216
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:18,100
I didn't like to disturb in case I
came between you and a dukedom.
217
00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:21,020
I'd like to see you come
between me and anything.
218
00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:27,740
No, no, you're right, I'm sorry.
219
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:33,220
Besides, the... the reason I'm here
is... is to ask a favour of you.
220
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:38,220
I was wondering if you'd like
to help with the party tonight.
221
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:40,260
How? By staying
away do you mean?
222
00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:47,620
No, no I thought I might devise a
little loyal tribute to my mother...
223
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:50,500
...in the form of a play,
a drama or something.
224
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,780
And I was wondering if
you'd like to partake at all.
225
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:55,860
Well I warn you, I'm no actor.
226
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:57,740
But aye, I'll help if you like.
227
00:13:57,740 --> 00:14:00,580
Well, there shouldn't be
much acting required.
228
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,700
The play is called "The
death of the Scotsman".
229
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:11,740
You, you can play the Scotsman,
who dies at the end of the play.
230
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,300
Now I'm very good at acting dead.
Now that I can do.
231
00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:20,820
Well, as I say there, there may
not be much acting required.
232
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:44,060
You fool, McAngus, what the devil
do you think you're doing?
233
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:47,220
I enjoy the juice of a few
grapes, your highness.
234
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,460
Yes, I think a few vineyards have
slipped down your gullet tonight.
235
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:51,980
How did it go?
-
236
00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:56,660
It was alright. I don't think they
really understand it, you know.
237
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:04,460
Come on. Let's go through your lines.
- Lines? What lines?
238
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:08,580
O my god, if he doesn't do his part,
the whole plan goes out the window.
239
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:11,500
You two, you'd better get out
there and start the play.
240
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,340
I'll stay and get
this animal awake.
241
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,180
Go on, off you go.
242
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:19,660
Oh and Baldrick, I wouldn't
be too funny if I were you.
243
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:31,340
Today, fair Buttock, the birthday is,
of that beloved and much sainted dame,
244
00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:33,980
who rules this land with queenly name.
245
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:36,980
Tis so, my lord. The land
is full of great rejoicing.
246
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,140
Aye, thou art aright, Buttock.
247
00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:42,340
Aye, and a left one too,
if truth be known!
248
00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:47,460
'Tis true. But look, here
comes our noble prince.
249
00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:56,060
Hail my lord, hast thou heard
a Scotsman is about the town,
250
00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:59,060
who curses thy mother
and calls thee a clown?
251
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,340
- Yes, I have.
- My lord, it is he.
252
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:07,100
Hail to thee Scotsman.
253
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,660
Hail to thee, Scotsman,
and when I say,
254
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:14,580
"I am the prince and today the
birthday is of my mother the queen",
255
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:17,020
dost thou say, "I care not"?
256
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,700
Aye, aye, aye...
257
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:24,700
Then I do challenge thee to a fight,
and dost thou accept the challenge?
258
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:25,860
Aye!
259
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:33,500
Did you give him the trick sword?
- Yes my lord. - Ah Good.
260
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:38,300
Ah, I am dead,
curses be upon thy head.
261
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:42,820
Take him away and let him be hung,
as for me, my life is done.
262
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:44,820
To the gallows.
263
00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:48,060
Now what are you doing?
- Shut up and get off.
264
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:57,220
Now remember: I want him dead.
265
00:16:57,780 --> 00:16:59,580
Whatever happens, kill him.
266
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,700
When we get to the hanging,
267
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:05,620
the noose has a safety hook
attached to McAngus' clothing.
268
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:09,980
You must remove it, and then he
will hang like the rat that he is.
269
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:14,700
If he survives, you both die, tonight!
270
00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:16,740
Go on.
271
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,300
We must be sure this
villain is well hung.
272
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:29,300
I care not if he is well hung,
so long as he is hung well.
273
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:38,580
Mother seems to be enjoying it anyway.
274
00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:42,340
I gave her a wee
surprise this afternoon.
275
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:46,380
Oh yes? Today is going
to be full of surprises.
276
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,660
I met my father on the way
back through France,
277
00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:54,220
...apparently, he and your
mother used to whey hey...
278
00:17:56,260 --> 00:18:01,500
Look, don't be absurd. Such activities
are totally beyond my mother.
279
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,060
My father only got
anywhere with her,
280
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,500
because he told her it was
a cure for diarrhoea.
281
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:11,780
If you think she's that pure,
I've got news for you.
282
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:14,420
And I've got a noose for you.
283
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:19,220
I've got some letters I took from
my father's the tent before I left.
284
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,780
They're from your mother,
and by god they're hot stuff.
285
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,180
They certainly cast a
wee shadow of doubt
286
00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:30,860
over the parenthood of
young Henry for a start.
287
00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:33,420
Look, don't be so absu...
288
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:38,140
What?
- You heard.
289
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:41,780
Letters? Letters? Where are
these letters? Where are they?
290
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:45,060
Hold off, hold off, now what's
the hurry? They're hidden away.
291
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,820
Is this the Scotsman coming hither?
- 'scuse me, I'm on.
292
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:50,820
But where are these letters
you speak of, where are they?
293
00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:54,140
Don't worry, don't worry, I'll
show you them later, alright?
294
00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:56,220
All right. Hurry up.
295
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:22,260
Thou hast committed the vilest crime,
and now must die before thy time.
296
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:29,140
Prepare thy neck for the deadly rope,
and forthwith abandon hope.
297
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:38,340
Here on earth they time is done.
By the laws of god thou art hung.
298
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,420
Stop the hanging.
299
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:48,660
I am the ghost of the dead prince,
come to plead the mercy of the Scot.
300
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:55,420
The-the plea is noble, ghostly prince,
but the law must have revenge.
301
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,540
No! No let him go!
302
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,980
Fair Buttock, we must not let this
ghost stop us from our purpose,
303
00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:04,940
remember what thy
prince said earlier.
304
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,140
There's been a change of plan!
305
00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:12,460
We must hang him!
306
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,620
- No you mustn't! - Yes we must!
- No you mustn't! - Yes we must!
307
00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:19,620
- No you mustn't!
- Yes we must!
308
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,180
Oh my god, are you alright?
309
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:36,860
-Let me go you fool! - No. I must
let nothing blunt my resolve.
310
00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:49,060
Now look get down.
We've changed the plan.
311
00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:53,700
- No. - Yes. - No. - Yes.
312
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:57,060
- No. - Yes.
- Alright, go on.
313
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,380
That's what you think
you're going to do, is it?
314
00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:23,220
- Yes.
- That's what you think...
315
00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:41,780
Oh my god!
Oh! You alright?
316
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:52,420
Very good.
317
00:21:55,780 --> 00:21:57,020
Excellent.
318
00:21:57,140 --> 00:21:59,140
It's certainly my mother's
handwriting.
319
00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:01,740
- When did you say these were written?
- 'Twenty six.
320
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,260
The year my brother was born.
321
00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:07,100
Baldrick, get in here.
322
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:11,540
Baldrick, sound an alarm, and tell
everyone in the immediate court...
323
00:22:11,860 --> 00:22:14,260
to gather in the great hall
at 9 tomorrow morning.
324
00:22:14,540 --> 00:22:18,020
Why, my lord? - Why? Because
I told you to you stupid little rat.
325
00:22:18,220 --> 00:22:20,420
- No, why should they gather?
- Oh, I see.
326
00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:24,220
Tell them it concerns
the heir to the throne.
327
00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:26,820
I'm particularly keen
that his royal highness
328
00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:29,220
prince Henry himself
should be there.
329
00:22:29,860 --> 00:22:33,700
He may be the son,
but no longer the heir.
330
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:38,700
Get out.
331
00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:45,460
God I hate the Scots.
332
00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:53,540
How much longer must I wait?
333
00:22:55,260 --> 00:22:59,020
Why in the devil's name did that
brother of yours summon the court?
334
00:22:59,060 --> 00:23:01,940
I'm really not sure, I think it might
be something to do with the drains.
335
00:23:04,860 --> 00:23:06,220
Good morning, everyone.
336
00:23:06,380 --> 00:23:09,180
Ah, Edmund, I hope you
can explain yourself.
337
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:12,820
Oh, I can, father, I can.
Please, be seated everybody.
338
00:23:16,260 --> 00:23:19,460
Mother, father, brother Henry.
339
00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:23,580
Yesterday, there came
into my possession...
340
00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:27,860
...from the hands, my lord, of your
faithful servant Dougal McAngus,
341
00:23:28,260 --> 00:23:31,300
whose services have won
our kingdom such glory abroad...
342
00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:35,260
Get on with it, Edmund.
- Certain letters,
343
00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:38,260
...rather extraordinary letters,
344
00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:42,340
...concerning the lineage
of prince Henry.
345
00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:46,580
- Letters? What's so extraordinary
about them? - Letters?
346
00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:53,380
Well Henry, they were written,
by your mother, to your father!
347
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:59,700
Your father, Henry, being of
course Donald, 3rd Duke of Argyll.
348
00:23:59,780 --> 00:24:01,700
What the devil...
- Help her, Baldrick.
349
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:05,620
These letters are of quite an intimate
nature. Let me give you an example.
350
00:24:05,860 --> 00:24:07,660
"My dear Hairyweary.
351
00:24:08,820 --> 00:24:11,900
Often as you sit at
table with my husband,
352
00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:14,900
probing deeply into
the affairs of state,
353
00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:18,140
I long for the day when
you will probe..." - Stop!
354
00:24:18,740 --> 00:24:22,300
My god. Enough of this. Edmund,
cease this outrage at once.
355
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:24,620
My beloved father, whose
first-born legitimate son...
356
00:24:24,620 --> 00:24:27,300
will also rule the land of England,
Wales, Scotland, and Ireland.
357
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:29,220
These letters speak
of acts of love,
358
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:32,620
between your wife and Donald,
the gay dog of the glens.
359
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:37,100
"How I long to be in that kingdom
between the saffron sheets...
360
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:40,340
where you and your ruler
are the only rulers."
361
00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:46,380
And then acts of love consummation
"O you enormous Scotsman" etcetera.
362
00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:51,420
And these letters are dated November
and December 1526, which, Henry,
363
00:24:51,780 --> 00:24:56,860
in relation to your date of birth,
is precisely nine months be...
364
00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:02,100
After I was born.
365
00:25:06,580 --> 00:25:10,420
But about nine months
before your birth, Edmund.
366
00:25:18,860 --> 00:25:20,660
You stupid bastard.
367
00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:24,300
No, I think you're
the bastard, Edmund.
368
00:25:25,260 --> 00:25:29,180
Quiet! I will have an explanation.
369
00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:31,420
My lord,
370
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:36,900
the reason I have gathered
you all here today, is to try
371
00:25:37,060 --> 00:25:40,860
to get some proper justice metered
out against this Scottish swine,
372
00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:44,100
who has clearly forged these
obviously fake letters.
373
00:25:44,100 --> 00:25:46,700
- Let me see them...
- No I rip them up in his face,
374
00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:50,540
so no hint of their filthy slander
can remain. You come in here...
375
00:25:50,580 --> 00:25:53,860
fresh from slaughtering a couple of
wops when their backs were turned,
376
00:25:54,260 --> 00:25:57,060
and you think you can upset the
harmony of a whole kingdom?
377
00:25:57,740 --> 00:26:01,580
- I challenge you to a duel!
- To the death?
378
00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:05,460
Errm... yes, all right.
379
00:26:06,260 --> 00:26:07,380
No. - Yes.
380
00:26:09,180 --> 00:26:12,060
This outrage has struck at the
very foundations of our kingdom.
381
00:26:13,580 --> 00:26:16,340
If you will not settle it for me in
words, then settle it by the sword.
382
00:26:17,580 --> 00:26:20,380
Fight. Here and now and to the death.
383
00:26:22,060 --> 00:26:23,660
Lord Percy, fetch the swords.
384
00:26:27,260 --> 00:26:28,700
Get the trick sword.
385
00:26:29,780 --> 00:26:33,020
- Mmmm? - Get the sword
he had in the play last night.
386
00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:38,740
One of these handles is cracked.
I'll, I'll replace it with another.
387
00:26:47,260 --> 00:26:50,620
I hope they have a dunghill in the
Highlands ready for your corpse.
388
00:26:50,740 --> 00:26:52,980
I need have no
fear of a bastard.
389
00:26:52,980 --> 00:26:56,260
Death will silence his
lying Scottish tongue.
390
00:27:58,820 --> 00:28:00,220
Die, Scotsman!
391
00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:10,620
You asked for the trick sword.
392
00:28:12,260 --> 00:28:16,140
So! You try to fob me off with
a wee trick sword would you!
393
00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:17,660
No!
394
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:22,220
Spare my son.
395
00:28:23,780 --> 00:28:29,340
Very well. I will be merciful, if
Edmund himself begs for mercy.
396
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:32,140
Plead on bended knees
for your life!
397
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:34,700
Repent your accusation
of treason against me.
398
00:28:34,900 --> 00:28:37,860
Condone your father's gift of
your Scottish lands to me.
399
00:28:37,860 --> 00:28:42,500
And swear you'll never set foot in them
in your life, or it will be your death!
400
00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:47,500
I plead for god's mercy.
401
00:28:48,820 --> 00:28:52,620
I have been treacherous,
selfish and disloyal.
402
00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:57,060
I have allowed the spirit
of evil into my heart...
403
00:28:57,300 --> 00:29:02,340
and it has set me against
mother, brother, and friend.
404
00:29:03,180 --> 00:29:07,220
I beg your forgiveness,
I'm in awe of your courage...
405
00:29:07,740 --> 00:29:11,860
and wish you nothing but happiness
and success with your new charge.
406
00:29:22,740 --> 00:29:26,500
Baldrick, I think I'm
going to castrate you.
407
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:32,580
But first...
- But I... - Do as I say.
408
00:29:38,260 --> 00:29:43,300
It'll take some spice out of life, not
being able to pass laws over Scotland?
409
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:48,700
Yes... I wouldn't pass
water over Scotland.
410
00:29:58,700 --> 00:30:01,260
- Is lord McAngus
leaving this morning?
411
00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:05,700
Yes my dear, I believe he is. He has
much work to see to in Scotland.
412
00:30:05,740 --> 00:30:08,860
Well isn't it nice the way
things sometimes turn out?
413
00:30:09,180 --> 00:30:12,260
I must say I though Edmund behaved
himself awfully well yesterday.
414
00:30:12,580 --> 00:30:16,860
Almost rather unlike him, in a way.
But then he can be such a sweet boy.
415
00:30:17,660 --> 00:30:20,100
By the way, those letters turned
out to be French forgeries.
416
00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:23,020
And apparently Edmund has actually
found a Frenchman who admitted to it.
417
00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:25,420
Oh good.
418
00:30:26,460 --> 00:30:28,940
Now he and McAngus are
on awfully good terms.
419
00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:31,500
As you can see, the
fields stretch right out...
420
00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:33,660
...to the wood there,
just beneath the hill.
421
00:30:33,740 --> 00:30:37,620
- Magnificent
- Then of course this is one of my own
422
00:30:41,140 --> 00:30:42,140
Come.
423
00:30:43,380 --> 00:30:45,660
- Ah Percy, I wondered
if you'd be so kind...
424
00:30:45,660 --> 00:30:48,580
...as to have this letter delivered
for me. - Yes, mylady.
425
00:30:49,860 --> 00:30:52,340
I think Lord McAngus is
just about to leave.
426
00:30:52,340 --> 00:30:54,380
Thank you Percy, now
where's Edmund?
427
00:30:54,380 --> 00:30:56,980
I believe he's giving lord McAngus
a last look around the castle.
428
00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:04,020
Oh, how nice.
Lord preserve us!
429
00:31:04,140 --> 00:31:06,060
- The Spaniards!
- The drains.
430
00:31:06,220 --> 00:31:09,460
Mother, father, you must come quickly,
there's been a terrible took accident!
36829
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