All language subtitles for Wizards of Waverly Place - S3E28 Wizards Exposed.en

- [all laughing]
- Hey, guys.

I made us a little something
for our double date tonight.

- Matching hats.
- Sweet.

We'll look like a group.
Which is safer.

That way we won't get beat up.

We're just gonna
get made fun of a lot.

- They're lovely, Harper.
- You don't have
to agree with her.

I'm your girlfriend,
you agree with me. Harper, we
are not wearing these things.

Yeah, they're wretched.

Let's go, Mason. Let's get you
down to the department store

and get you some free samples
of body spray.

No offense, but you kind of
smell like a dog.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Hey guys, take it easy.

Zeke thinks Mason smells like
a dog because he doesn't know
that Mason actually is a dog.

What's your excuse?

- [alarms blare]
- [helicopter hovering]

Jerry, what's going on?
I don't like this.

I don't know.
Let's get out of here.

[all scream]

This way!

- [all scream]
- Back!

Good morning, Russo family.

I'm Agent Lamwood from...

Well, I can't tell you
because it's a secret department
of the US government.

We've had your family under
surveillance for months.

Oh no, Dad. They found out that
our sodas are mostly ice.

We know you're wizards.

[scoffs nervously]

Can I offer you some ice
with a splash of soda?

We can talk about how
ridiculous that is.

Not at $3.85 a cup you can't.

- Take 'em away.
- [Russos murmuring]

[Max] I need to get
a note for school!

I know how much is in
the register,

and I expect it to be there
when I get back!

[Justin] What's the
yellow tunnel for?!

- [radio chatter fades]
- [helicopter fades]

I will not panic.

I will not panic.

I will not panic.

[screaming]

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Gee, I wonder how
they found out. Alex.

Me? The government is
always looking at nerds.

They're either threats
or recruits. Which one are you?
Hmm?!

- [mutters]
- Everyone stop it.

We need to stick together
as a family.

No one tell them anything.

We don't want them to find out
we're you-know-what's.

What's a "uni-what?"
Is it related to like
a unicorn or something?

Dad. I have my hidden
mini-wand in my boot.
I can get us out of here.

Oh! Thank you for
this toothpick, Alex.

I had a little stuff stuck here.

We don't want them to know
we're wizards.

There's cameras everywhere.

[gags]

I... I think I just
took care of it.

Yep. Well, good luck
with that on the b-side.

Dad. What do you think
they want with us?

I don't know, but I
hope they make it quick.
I need to take a whiz...

Ards?! I think I heard enough.

Welcome, wizards.

I've brought you here
so the US government

can have a better understanding
of how you creatures work.

Creatures? Look, I know
that Justin's funny looking,

- but don't lump me in with him.
- You can't keep us here.

All right?
People will miss us.

Yeah. I have a double date
later tonight,

and my friend made hats.

So when there's a hat with
no head, they'll notice.

No one's going to miss you.

We make people
disappear all the time.

You don't hear anyone
still talking about
Len Goldfarb, do you?

- Who?
- Exactly.

Now, if you'll just answer a few
questions about being wizards,

it'd be swell.

How do you get
your powers?

[chuckles]
The silent treatment.

Now, I guess I'll have
to interview you separately.
Who wants to go first?

OK, Max. You're up.

No, I wasn't volunteering.
I had a question.

- What's your question?
- Can I go first?

There's got to be
a wizard world telephone
around here somewhere.

Oh! OK, all right.

Hello? Wizard world? Anyone?

Oh! Duh.

Hello?

- [door closes]
- [Mason] Alex?

Where is everybody? I'm
ready for our double date.

There isn't going to be a double
date. Someone took the Russos.

I think they were
from the government.

Oh, my. I'll go find
Professor Crumbs.

He'll know what to do.

Well, he might not,
but at least I'll look like
a hero for notifying him.

Wait. What should I do
while you're gone?

Just stay here.

That's what heroes say.

I'll be back in a jiffy.

What kind of a hero says,
"jiffy?"

Listen, Max...

We know you're the brains
of the Russo operation.

Well, thank you.

I've heard "armpit" before,
but never "brains."

Scientist One, here,
just has a few questions

and you can be on your way.

Hello, Max. First question:

Is that your real body
or does your wizard soul
take over an existing body?

Oh, that's a good question...

I think this is my real body.

But I'm not too sure, though,
I wasn't there when I was born.

"Wasn't there when..."

Wait, I can't write that.
They're gonna think
I'm out of my mind!

OK, look, wizard, we want to
know how your powers work.

Yeah. Is there
a power core somewhere?

Are the powers in your wand?

Do you plug yourself
in at night?

Kind of. I have to use an
electric blanket in the winter,

'cause it gets really cold
at night. My dad doesn't
like to turn on the heat.

In fact, he makes us all gain
a few pounds in the winter
to keep heating costs down.

"Wizards get fat in the winter."

Don't write that down!

That's what he said!

He also said he was an armpit.

OK, Alex, we know you're the
brains of the Russo operation.

Ah, flattery.

The first step
in basic interrogation.

Why don't you try
something else, noob.

[laughs heartily]

...ha-choo.

Are you hungry?
Maybe you'd like a hamburger.

Go ahead, have some.

See, we're all friends here.

So, is everyone
in your family a wizard?

[munching, slurping]

You skipped a bunch
of questions.

Excuse me for trying
to keep it fresh.

Man, this little lady can eat.

OK, you've eaten.

Now tell us. Is everyone
in your family a wizard?

- [belches]
- [groans]

[laughing]

Oh, I'm not telling
you anything.

Look, Justin,

we know you're the real brains
of the Russo operation.

Ah, thanks.

That's actually very true,
because...

Look, I'm not telling
you guys anything.

We're all friends here.
No need to get upset.

Now, Scientist One, here,
just has a few questions.

Who knows what
order they'll come in.

Well, I'm not telling
Scientist One anything.

I demand to speak
to someone else.

Is there a...
Scientist Two or Three?

Oh no, you don't want to talk
to Scientist Number Three.

If we need him to come in,
it isn't gonna be much talking.

Look, we know
you're a smart kid.

I'm gonna tell you something
I didn't tell the others,

because I didn't think
they could handle it.

The government has
intercepted information

that extraterrestrials are
about to land on Earth.

Extraterrestrials? [scoffs]

Please. Those rumors have been
circulating for years.

Well, what about these satellite
photos labeled "top secret?"

[scoffs] "Top secret."

Crop circles.

Crop circles were made by a
bored farmer. Give me a break.

We think they
might be targets.

Targets? Are you serious?

Yeah. At the last meeting,
we decided they're targets.

I wasn't at the last meeting.
I had a thing with the kids.

- So you didn't hear the tape?
- [Scientist] What tape?

Oh! We intercepted what
sounds like some sort
of alien communication.

Now, we're not sure
what they're saying,

but we hope it's,
"We come in peace."

So... So, you're saying
you have actual tape
of aliens communicating?

[clears throat] Think I could
give it a listen?

- [exhales]
- [phone beeps]

[static and
indistinct alien language]

[gasps]

This is an alien battle call.

They're saying
"Prepare to attack!"

Oh, my gosh. This is
worse than I thought.

I know. I just got
my car washed.

Now, I'm not saying
there are wizards,

but if there were,
and you were one,

we could sure use
that kind of help right now.

Son, Earth needs defending.

[raspy] Earth needs defending.

[grunts]

I never thought I'd be
in a situation like this.

- I'll help you guys.
- You will?

Oh! But mere mortals are
no challenge for aliens.

Well, I'm no mere mortal.

- I'm a wizard.
- [gasps]

So here's what
we're gonna have to do.
Go to my Wizard's Lair

so I can contact the
wizard world for back-up.

- Wizard world? Great.
- Yes.

Where's the Lair?
We'll take you.

It's hidden in our freezer
at our restaurant.

Justin, the US
government thanks you.

Someday the world
will thank you.

They might even
throw you a parade.

[inhales sharply]
I love parades.

Now, take this burger
and go back to your family...

[inhales]

...hero.

Sir. [clears throat] Sir.

I'd just like to thank you for
this opportunity to serve Earth.

- I won't let you down.
- I know.

I brought us a hamburger.

They gave Justin a hamburger.
He must have rolled over.

What did you tell them?

Did you tell them
we're you-know-whats?

- [gasps]
- Did they let you use the
bathroom? Was it worth it?

Look, look. Everything
is gonna be OK.

All right? I'm a hero.
You're all going home.

- [Jerry groans]
- I'm staying behind

to serve my country and fight
the impending alien attack.

"Impending alien attack?"
What are you talking about?

That's why we're here.
They needed my help.

They have an alien recording
of a battle call

that I translated for them.
And you all laughed at me
for Alien Language League

but my skills
came in handy here.

You mean you translated
something in a language

that you and your weirdo
friends made up?

They had us
under surveillance.
They used that against you.

No. It was real.
It had static.

I assure you guys,
everything is gonna be OK.

- [alarm]
- [Lamwood on PA]
Attention staff.

We tricked the kid into
admitting they're wizards.

Big thank you for
Justin Russo, everyone.

- We don't have to stay late
tonight. Let's go, everybody.
- [people cheering]

Hey, congratulations, man.

They said your name.

Go, go, go, go.

OK, I admit...

I was tricked.
I know this is bad,

but there isn't much they could
do with the small tidbits of
information I gave him.

Giving up the biggest secret of
our lives is not a tidbit.

It's the whole bit.

Guys, check it out.
This wall is crumbly.
It's made out of coffee cake.

The kind that has
a lot of dirt in it.

Guys, I bet you we can
chip away at this air duct
and get out of here.

That's a great idea.

All right. Everybody, we have
to stick together.
Into the air duct.

I really hope this leads
to the ladies' room.

Hey, is it... Is it just me,
or is this shaft getting shaky?

[all scream]

We're out. I saved us.

Close. We're still inside.
And you did nothing.

Oh, my gosh.
They have other wizards.

Professor Crumbs
and Rudy Tootietootie.

Professor Crumbs, what happened?

They came for us. All of us.

How'd they get
into the wizard world?

I don't know.

It's the US government.
They're pretty sneaky.

But from what I understand,
someone told Agent Lamwood
about the wizard world.

Now what kind of horrible person
would do such a thing?!

It might have come up.

Well, they got in
through someone's portal.

That also came up.

Professor Crumbs, do you have
your wand? Can you get us out?

I'm afraid not, Alex.
Nobody has powers.

Lamwood surprised us.
He got a hold of
the Wizard Power Cord

- and yanked it out of the wall.
- No powers? What do we do?

Hidden in my beard
is a single-use
emergency spell generator.

It has enough power
for one spell.

Is this it? A cootie catcher?

Yes. Complete a turn to
activate its power.

You have ten seconds
to cast a spell.

Max, stand guard.

Quick. Pick a color.

- Chartreuse.
- Pick a shorter color.

- Red.
- R-E-D.

- Now pick an animal...
- I see you found your friends.

Max, we told you
to keep a look out.

- For who?
- Lamwood.

Oh. [whispers]
Lamwood's coming.

- And I have a friend for you.
- Mason! How did they catch you?

Well, I was admiring myself
in the mirror with this hat on
when they snuck up behind me.

How does someone sneak up
behind you while you're
looking in a mirror?

Well, I was very much
admiring my hat.

We agreed that we
weren't wearing these.

Guards, take them away.

- Max, give me a hand.
- All right.

Quick, pick an animal.

Wolf, of course.

W-O-L-F.

Alex, do the spell already!
Get us out of here.

Edgebono Youtoosis. Edgebono
Youtoosis. Edgebono Youtoosis.

Oh, my gosh. They used wizardry.

Run! Run, duplicate Russos, run!

Get the Russos!

How do we know
which ones are real?

[all] We're the real Russos!

- [stammers] Just get
all of them.
- [Russos all shouting]

This is gonna be
a lot of paperwork.

[indistinct shouting]

Come on, everybody. Down here.

Hey, me first. He's old.
I have more to live for.

- Relax, you're next.
- Are you the real Alex?

Yes, and I know you're
the real Crumbs, because
your beard stinks.

Yes, indeed,
you are the real Alex.

Go and save your family,
you don't have much time.

- They've got almost
all the Jerrys.
- [Jerry] Hey!

- Is that really what
I look like from the back?
- Yeah, you do.

Yep, Jerrys are
really easy to trick.

Now go, go, go. I'll save
the rest of the wizards.

Hey Crumbs, when I said
you were old and had
nothing to live for,

what I meant was is you're
handsome and we're best friends.

Now get me out of here.

OK, OK! In here! In here!

[duplicates shouting]
We're the Russos!

Those duplicates aren't going
to keep them busy for very long.

- [knocking]
- Oh, I'll get it.

- [all] No!
- Wait! Wait!
What if it's Alex?

- Come. Follow me. Quick.
- No. Everybody stay here.

We're not falling for anything.

Yeah. how do we know you're not,
like, a duplicate Scientist One?

Wait, wait, wait.
These are just duplicates.

I've got them.
Go get the real Russos.

- Now do you trust me?
- OK, I trust you.

I'm a duplicate.
Now what?

[muffled commotion]

- OK.
- [beeping]

Here's the escape hatch.
You can get out through here.

[Alex laughing]

Oh, there you guys are.
What's going on?

You're getting out of here.
Lamwood is out of control.

We're not even supposed
to be studying wizards.

We're supposed
to be studying lizards.

Come on!

Come on, come on, come on.

Hurry, hurry! He's coming!

I did it. I saved us.
We're home.

Close. We're in the middle
of the desert.

And you did nothing.

- Is everyone OK?
- No.

I let all of you down.
I'm sorry.

Hey, you thought you
were saving the world.

It's pretty hard to
be mad at you for that.

- Mason, you saved us.
- No, I didn't.

I know, I did, but I just
wanted to give you a hug.

What, are we just gonna
leave everyone down there?

- We gotta go rescue them.
- [Theresa] How?

If we go back,
they'll catch us.

What are we going to do?

I don't know, honey.
Let's get back to the Lair

- and we'll figure it out.
- We can't go home.

They'll just come find us again.

Look, if we're gonna save
those wizards we're gonna
have go to the authorities.

And say what?

That they've trapped
a bunch of wizards?

We'll expose magic.

Well, maybe exposing magic
is what we need to do.

[thumping]

[groans] Oh, good.
You're still here.

Whoo! [groans] Oh, man.

How about
that Scientist One?

He turned out to be
a pretty good guy.

We're gonna try and grab some
brunch when this all blows over.

Is Professor Crumbs behind you?

Nah. He's doing
good down there.

He set us all free.

That old geezer is going
crazy Yoda on them.

Or I should say, "Going
crazy Yoda on them, he is."

That was just for you, Justin.

OK, well, which way do we go?

I'd have to say that way.

Thanks, Max.