All language subtitles for The.Best.Of.Times.1986.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Man: These are not
the best of times,

and nothing
comes easy anymore.

In fact,
ever since the fall of man,

things have been
tough everywhere,

especially in
the San Joaquin Valley.

But in 1910,

in the southwest corner
of Kern County,

God spoke
in a gusher of black gold.

We had a chance
for greatness,

and in 1911,
we changed our name.

That was also
the first year

Taft Midway Union High School
played Bakersfield High

in football.

We lost 56 t0 0.

We also lost
25,000 barrels of oil a day

because nobody could figure out
how to cap the well.

But we got on the map.

You got to
make trade-offs.

For instance, we've got
the worst goddamn weather

in the world,
but it builds character.

That's a trade-off.

And in 1913, we had a chance
to test that character.

Taft's own Kid Lester,
the toughest bastard

to ever come out
of the oil fields,

got to fight
the great Sam Langford,

the number one heavyweight
contender in the world.

Rumor had it that
Langford was out of shape

and didn't take
the fight seriously.

They said he didn't have
a right hand anymore.

Kid Lester predicted
a knockout in the fifth round,

and, unfortunately,
he got it.

The kid slipped
quietly out of town,

and was never seen again,

though he vowed
he would someday return

to redeem himself.

Bakersfield beat us
by four touchdowns that year.

And then, a plague was thrown
upon the people of Taft

that even Job
didn't have to deal with.

Mice.

100 million mice came up
out of a dry lake,

and marched on Taft

Only when thousands of seagulls
flew over from Ventura County

were they beaten back.

Well,
eaten back, actually.

It rained all
the next winter.

Bakersfield 82,
Taft 6.

It seems like every year,
they beat us 82 to 6,

but in 1972,
something happened.

A great athlete rose up
out of the Taft desert

to cast a shadow beyond
the boundaries of Kern County.

A Greek god,
a leader of men,

a quarterback.

A great quarterback.

We had Reno Hightower.

At last, a chance
to beat Bakersfield.

November 15, 1972,
our moment in history.

Only seconds left
in a scoreless game.

Reno goes back to pass;
a golden arm.

He lets fly,
and as he does,

he's hit by half
the Bakersfield team.

His knee is smashed,
his career is over.

Ah, but what a pass--
65 yards in the air, at least.

We still had a chance
to beat Bakersfield.

And somebody's open,

some third-string
wide receiver.

The ball's laid
right in his hands,

but that son of a bitch
dropped it!

I was that
son of a bitch.

And as you
can plainly see,

my mistake
was so horrible,

not only has it
haunted me ever since,

it has forced
the entire town

to slip quietly
into oblivion forever.

Sort of like
Kid Lester.

I'm sorry, sir,
but your wife is here.

Thank you, Marcy.
Go file something.

I should've caught
the damn thing.

Darling, what
can I do for you?

Honey, I'm sorry
to disturb you at work.

I know you're
a busy man.

Could the bank
make a donation of $100

to the Women's Club
production of

Fiddler On the Roof
at the Petroleum Club?

We're doing
a modern version.

"If I were
that rich dude."
How about $200?

Jack, you're a doll.

Also, Jaki's class
is having a party
at school.

She was supposed
to bring the potato chips.
Could you drop some off?

Honey, I am
the vice-president
of the bank.

I'm a very...
Ruffles.
That would be nice.

You have it.

Hon?
Huh?

Are you happy?
I'm happy.

You say "I'm happy"
to make me feel happy,

but are you happy?
I'm happy!

Me, too.

Bring it in boys.
Oh, my God. Daddy's here.

Mayday!
Got to look busy.

Does this look busy?

Looks busy to me.

Surprise!

Hello.
Bring it in, boys.

Right there on the wall,
behind the desk.

Elly: What's that?

Me. I had 10 of 'em
painted up,

one for each
of my banks.

All in the tradition
of Velazquez.

What do you think?

I like Velazquez.

He's damn good
for a Mexican, huh?

What are you doing,
trying to look busy?

I look busy, sir,
I am busy.

Don't get hurt.

Thank you
very much for calling.

So, Jack...
what do you think?

Think it's
a bit too much?

Tell me the truth.

Well, it's slightly
ostentatious.

Damn right!

Grand statement
on a grand theme!

Can't see no
brush strokes either.

Paid extra for that.

Well, now, butterfingers--

Daddy, I'm sorry
you can't stay longer.

Sorry I can't
stay longer, honey.

Got nine more
of these to go.
Is that all?

Come on, boys.
Nice to see you.

I hope everything's
okay in Bakersfield.

Okay? Bakersfield High's got
one hell of a team this year!

Should beat Taft
84 t0 0 again!
[laughs]

Bye!

"Okay?
[mimics laughter]

"Bakersfield High
has a great football
team this year!

Should beat Taft--"
[knocking]

Goddamn it!

Why did Reno Hightower
throw that ball to me?

Oh, Jack, you've only
seen him once a week

for the last 13 years;
you've had 1,000 chances.

Why don't you ask him?
What's the problem?

What's the problem?

Problem is, El,
it's that time of year again.

When the first leaf--
"of autumn falls forlornly

on the barren
ground below."

Right.
El?

I'm happy, okay?

Okay.

Anyway, thanks for
the donation.

Don't forget
the chips.
Bye-bye.

Aw, Carlos,
more sharks.

My client wants
lots of sharks.

Lady Di's got to
be in deep shit.

It's more emotional.

Lady Di? I thought that
was Pia Zadora.

Is this dry yet?
Yeah, man.
It's ready.

Okay, take it down.

Easy, now. Easy.

Careful.

Huh? What do
you think?

It's your best
work, Reno.
Thanks, man.

A little more shading
on top of the bicep.

I wanna give God
a little more definition.

Hey, Jack.
What's your problem?

It sounds like crap.
That's what the problem is.

See, it's clicking.

No, it's pinging.

Pinging. That's a lot
of technical talk.

Jack, you need
a valve job.

Need more than a valve job.
Reno, I gotta talk to you.

Not now, honey.
I got a noisy Continental
and a wet Lady Di.

You always got
a noisy continental
and a wet Lady Di.

Hi, Gigi.
Hi, Jack.

I want
to talk alone.
Come on.

Honey, I don't like being
embarrassed like that

in front of the guys.
Sorry.

It's not good
for business, okay?

What do you want, sweetheart?
I want a divorce.

Okay, I know your VDub
needs a new muffler--

and tire rod bushings
and an exhaust manifold.

That's not why I'm here.
I've been meaning to get to it,

so I'll get Eddie
on it right now, okay? Eddie!

My life's out of tune,
not my VDub.

This is sudden.
No, it's not.

Reno, let's face it.

Things haven't been
the way they were between us.

They haven't been that way
for a long, long time.

I made some notes
so I wouldn't mess up.

"I've got to
get out of Taft."

this is no place
for a singer
to get launched.

"My mind's made up."
It has been for a long time.

I was waiting for
the right time, but
there is no right time.

"I--" I was crying
and the words smudged.

I can't read this.
I can read
your writing.

"As soon as
I get up the courage,
I'll talk to Teddy.

I'm sorry, I don't
want to be married
to you anymore."

Right?
Right.

I...I got to go.

Oh, come on, honey.

I'm moving out.

Now, wait
a minute, honey.

Bye.
Aw, come on, Gigi.
Aw, shoot.

Ah, a family spat.

Dinner and a movie,
she'll be fine.

Can I offer you
some marital advice?

No.

There's only one way
a man can come back
to his woman

after she's dumped him,
and still maintain his pride.

Only one way.

Crawl,
with dignity, of course,

and women will
forgive anything.

Shut up, Jack.
You got it.

Gigi's got as far as
county line

before she always
comes back.

She can't get L.A.
Out of her head.

First time she's ever
used the word divorce.

What?

Yeah.

That's a terrible word,
Reno. Divorce, terrible.

She's gonna leave me
as soon as I fix her car.

Are you gonna fix it?
Hell, no! I love her!

I don't know
what to say.

Neither do I.

You got a burned out
intake valve on
number five, Jack.

It will cost you
400 bucks.

Four hundred dollars?

How the hell can I argue
with you when your wife
just left you?

My great sorrow
at your domestic problems

prevents me from
calling you a crook.

Get out of here, Jack.

What about my car?

Goddamn it!
You got a choice, Jack.

For 400 bucks,
I'll fix it right,

or for $1.50,
I'll throw a can of STP
into the crank case again,

it'll still run shitty,
but for a week,
it'll sound great.

What do you want?
Here's $1.50.

In a week,
I might be dead.

Can I have a loaner
so I can get back to the bank?

It'll take me
15 minutes, Jack.

I've got
a board meeting, Reno.

That's all I got.

Perfect.

Hey, Jack.

Some of us think the reason
you take a loaner out
every week

is 'cause you're going
to the massage parlor
at the city limits,

and you need a car
you won't be recognized in.

I will not even dignify
that with a reply.

I've never paid for it
in my life.

Adiós, muchacho.

Visa or MasterCard?

Visa.
Thanks.

Okay, now you can start.
Meter's running.

There are times when
a man must look deep

into the bowels of
his soul,

right into the darkest chambers
where demons lurk.

What's wrong, hon?
My wife's unhappy.

How do you know?
Men know.

Am I a good lover,
Darla?

The best.
Thank you.

How do you know?
We never do it.

Women know.
Is that what we're
gonna talk about today?

No, no. I'm gonna
go dark here today.

Right into
the bowels of hell.

Which bowels of hell?

Taft versus
Bakersfield, 1972.

Football.
That's a bowel
of hell, all right.

Goddamn it.

If I'd just caught
that ball,

my whole life
would be different.

This is Ace Jointers
and Extruders.

Number 441-06-9542.

$60.

What the hell
are you doing?

It's a new rule.
We have to call in
anything over 50 bucks.

This is outrageous!
I'm emotionally naked here!

Get a Gold Card.
I don't have to call those in.

I've applied.
Goddamn it, Darla.

I want to talk about
my darkest sides!

Soon as I get approval.
I hate calling these things
in as much as you do.

It hit me right
in the hands, Darla!
Right in the hands.

Thank you.
Sorry, Jack.
It's no good.

You're right,
it's no good.
I can't live like this.

Jack, the card!

What? I'll sue!

Calm down, Jack.

Calm down.

Maybe we can
work something out
for under $50.

Can I talk about
the game for under $50?

Aw, Jack!
Please.

I know every county line
in the San Joaquin Valley.

I came here a few months back
for a little variety.

All I hear about
is some tie game

played 13 years ago
I can barely remember.

Come on, Darla, you were
gridiron princess.

Remember?
The homecoming queen?

Come on.

You remember.
Reno remembers.

The whole goddamn
town remembers.

Okay, I remember!
And? And?

And you should have
caught the damn ball.

Oh, I knew it!
Oh!

Agh!

Grr!

[sobbing]

Can't you
make a comeback?

From what?

I'm not a has-been.

I'm a never-was.

I aspire
to be a has-been.

Oh, that's it, Jack.

I'm not listening
to this crapola,

and it is crapola,
every week.

You got unfinished
business, finish it.

How?
Play the game again.

You can't just
play the game again!

You can't play
the game again.
Why not?

Because you can't
rewrite history.

Why not?
It's an unnatural act.

Jack, there is
no such thing
as an unnatural act.

I should know.

Tell me one good reason
that you can't play
that game again?

Just one.
All right,
I'll tell you!

You can't because...

because...

One reason, Jack.
Just one.

Hey, Teddy.

Hey, Dad.

How was school today?

P.E. was okay,
but in shop class,

the teacher started
acting weird again.

Today, he told us
that Taft, California was
the safest place in America

in case of
a nuclear war.

He said it's 'cause
of the winds.

Sounds weird enough.
Teddy, are you
out there, honey?

So, I guess Mom
told you she's moving.

Yeah, she might've
said something.

But it's just
to the motel.
She'll be back.

Hell, I know.
A woman needs breathing room
now and then.

Hell, I know.

Teddy, can you give me
a hand, honey?
Yeah.

Oh, hurry!

Thanks, honey.

Whoa!

I'm so bogged
down in Taft.

So's your father,
but he doesn't know it.

Your father's
lost his drive.

Oh! Careful!

I'm going to give
this singing a shot.

I just don't want to settle
for second-best.

Second-best?
Second-best?

I'll tell you why
I don't want to leave Taft.

I'll tell you.

It's a fair question,
okay?

I can't believe you.
You say why...

why I don't want
to leave Taft?

I'm comfortable here.

This place
is a hellhole.

Oh, boy, if you knew anything,
you'd know Taft
has been judged

the safest city
in America

in case
of an all-out nuclear war.

Yeah, it's because
of the winds.

Ha! The winds?
That's right.

Oh, man,
you're unbelievable!

You think the Russians
won't go for the oil fields?

You think they won't
wipe out our energy?

Taft will be
the first to go.

Oh, wow, so you think
they won't hit L.A.?

Of course I think the Russians
would hit L.A.,

but at least up until
the world ended,

I'd be in the big leagues!

Okay, Gigi, I'll give you
another reason I don't
wanna leave Taft.

I just happen to have a very
successful business here.

You just happen to owe
six months' mortgage.

Five months!

Besides, you can't
leave me yet.
Why not?

Your VDub
doesn't work.

I'm taking it
to another shop.

Oh, wow.

I have never been
unfaithful to you.

Never.

Oh, you know...

I'm just tired
of all the junk.

The junk in my life...

the junk in this yard.

Okay, now
we're getting somewhere.

Now, you just name one piece
of junk in this yard,

and I'll get rid of it,
okay?
You don't even understand.

No, I do. No, I do.
No, you don't.

Just name
one piece of junk--

junk--
and it's gone.

What's this?

That's...

a '53 Studebaker
brake drum.

It's a classic.

Interchangeable with
later model Volvos,

small Chevys,
some imported pickups,

'74s to '78s.
Some '79s.

Right.

I'll be at
the Top Hat Motel.

[honk honk]

Reno, I got to
talk to you.

Reno, I have just come up
with a big idea.

It's a one-in-a-lifetime
monster concept.

It's a killer.
You want to hear it?

Can't wait.

We play the game again.

What game?

What do you mean,
what game?

The game!

How many were there,
for Christ's sakes?
The biggie.

Your greatest pass,
my greatest drop.

Oh, that game.

You and me
are gonna breathe new life

into the bowels
of our souls.

We'll charge into
the deepest chambers
where demons lurk,

kick the shit out
of the little bastards,

and change
the miserable past
in the bargain.

I like the miserable past,
Jack.

Okay! All right!
All right! All right! Okay!

If not for me
or not for you,

why don't we replay the game
for the whole town?

We can raise Taft
out of lethargy.

Okay, Jack, you listen
to me for a change.

You dropped the ball.
The whole town didn't.

You want to breathe
new life into bowels
where chambers lurk,

you do it.

Colonel, sir.

I propose we replay
the historic game of 1972.

"Jack, Jack, Jack.
Life is short.

I don't have time for this
little descent into this..."

personal madness of yours.

In layman's terms, Jack,
you make me sick.

May I take that
as a yes, colonel?
I'm a busy man.

I got the Tiger
Booster Club,

I got the sports federation,

I got the Black
and Orange Round Table.

As you probably heard,
I'm now the chief

executive officer
of the new Potato Bowl.

Do you think I'm here
on my own, colonel?

Who could you
possibly represent?

Taft. The entire
goddamn town.

I am throwing down
the gauntlet, sir!

Gauntlet, my ass!
I don't believe this!

Is that fear I hear
in your voice, colonel?

My poor Elly.

Ten years ago,
I gave you a job

so she wouldn't
be married to a bum.

The day I hear
she's thrown you out

is the day you announce
your resignation from the bank

and slip quietly
out of town forever,
sort of like Kid Lester.

Kid Lester got hit
by a lucky punch, sir.

No such thing as luck.
Maybe.

Victories
for the underdog

are an aberration
of the order of the universe.

That's why I've had
damn few losses in my time.

The biggest one was
the day you married
my daughter.

She could have had Johnny "O."
Look at this.
Sir. Sir.

Even a clown like you
has to admit she'd have
been better off

married to this
great halfback.

I'm not willing
to go that far, sir.

Look at these pictures.

Bakersfield High School
football is my life,
my soul.

And your tax write-off.

Tax loopholes are
a God-given right!

Probably even
constitutional.

These young men
are like sons to me.

Look at this.
Great men,
great poses.

Sir, there's more
to life than this.

Oh, Jack,
you can't even pose.

In your entire life,

you've done one
significantly correct thing.

What was that, sir?

You dropped the ball.

You verified
the order of things.

We accept the challenge.

Well, thank you, sir.

With all due respect,
we're gonna kick your ass.

You're gonna replay
what game?

I'm sick of games, Jack.

I'm sick of hearing about
some ball you dropped.

I'm sick of anything
with a ball in it.

Let me rephrase
somewhat my intentions.

What I propose to do,
stated rather simply,

is to remake history.

Pass the lima beans,
please, Dad.

We are gonna blitz
like Dick Butkus

into the backfield
of the future

and throw
a vicious forearm shiver

on the demon
ball carriers of the past.

I don't want to talk
about Dick Butkus
at the dinner table, Jack.

I've told you that.
Mm-hmm.

Who's Dick Butkus?

All-American linebacker
for the University
of Illinois.

Eleven years all-pro
with the Chicago Bears.

Now he's doing
light beer commercials.

I still don't want
to talk about him
at the dinner table.

That's fine, Elly.

But this town
is still headed

right into the bowels
of hell.

And only a great victory
can act as an enema
for its soul.

Ew, that is gross, Dad.

Sorry.
Can I be excused?

Can't we stay at the table
and talk like other families?

[doorbell playing music]
Entre.

Another thing, Jack,
I'm sick of having
a doorbell that plays

the Taft Midway Union
High School alma mater.

It is a great tune, El!
Can I be excused?

I don't like
to listen when
you fight.

It's not a fight, honey.
It's a disagreement.
It's a disagreement.

I forgot.

Did you finish
your thank-you notes?

Oui.
Okay.

You guys be--
[crash]

Jaki, you don't need
those sunglasses inside.

She thinks I am a fool.

No, she doesn't.
I do.

I've lived with that goddamn
dropped ball for 13 years!

I knew you
weren't happy.

I'm only unhappy
when you talk about
happiness, Jack.

The rest of the time,
I never think about it.

That's why
we're gonna kill
Bakersfield, Elly.

Jack, if you play
that game again,

you will humiliate me,
you will humiliate the town,

and you will humiliate yourself
worse than you can
ever imagine.

So, you don't think
I can catch the damn ball,
do you?

I don't care
if you catch it or drop it
or sit on the damn thing.

How can I live with
someone who doesn't care?
Jack, you're torturing me!

Elly! I come up with
the meaning of life,
and you call it torture?

I hate it
when we shout.

Me, too.

Jaki's out
of the house.

Mr. Weasel's here.

Bon appetit.

Oh, Jack.

Elly, I've got
a new move for you.

Show me.

It's part
Smokey Robinson,

part Gladys Knight,
but it's all me.

Jack. Aquarius.

Gotta, gotta, gotta,
gotta satisfy.

Sort of a white Pip.

I love it.

I love that
we can have sex
after we fight.

We do fight
about stupid things.

Stupid?

The game.
Give me a kiss, Jack.

Honey, let me
clarify something.

Just because we're making up
after our fight
or disagreement...

Yes.
...doesn't necessarily

mean that the terms
of that fight
or that disagreement

are necessarily resolved.

Am I right?

Honey, I've always given you

every Monday night
of every fall for 13 years

so you could
watch football.

I've always given you
all post-season games,

and most bowl games,

excluding, of course,
the Hula Bowl
and Blue-Gray game

which coincide with our annual
theater production
at the Petroleum Club.

You've been
more than fair.

But for
the last few years

and the last few months,

your demons have
become my demons,

and quite frankly, baby...

I can't take it
anymore.

Oh. Who can?

Not to mention,
if you play that game again,

I'll have to put up with
a whole new fresh batch
of crap

from my father.

Oh. I am playing
that game again, El.

Jack, if you play
that game again,

you're not
sleeping in this bed.

Honey, now who's
torturing who?

You mean it's a tough choice?

Of course it is.
I love you, but--

Take your pick, Jack.

Mmm.

Me...

or the game.
Baby.

Huh?
Baby.

Yeah?
Which is it?

[woman moaning]

Jesus!

Get out of here
or I'll kick your ass.

[hisses]

That was a cat.

You've got an hour
to clear out.

Don't be here
when I get back.

Right.

Oh, that's
a nice sky.

Looks like Taft.

This time I think
she's gonna leave me even
if I don't fix her car.

Well, I know how you can
get her back.

No, you don't, Jack.
Oh, yes, I do, Reno.

I really do.
Come on.

I want to show you something.

Pose for me.

What?

Nobody could pose
for football pictures
like you.

Oh, my God.

Just give me that one
where you're stiff-armin'
the tackler,

and your right arm is cocked
for the quick release.
Jack.

Jack, you can't
play that game again!

You know what
Schutte'd say to that.

"The words of Lucifer.

"Are you horny to win,
now, come on,
you commie pissant?

Let's play
some football!"
Remember?

You were wearing
those home whites.

Gigi loved you
in the home whites.

And you had on those
goddamn white shoes.

You were the only
quarterback in the history
of Kern County

to have white shoes!
True.

And we'd run down
that long tunnel,

and all of the sudden,
the photographers...

"Mr. Hightower."
Boom! Boom! Boom!

And the crowd going,
"Reno! Reno! Reno!"

They're calling
your number now.

"Number 12,
Reno Hightower!"

Give me the pose... yes!

Don't forget the teeth!
The teeth, yes!

Oh, this means
you'll play!

We'd get killed, Jack.

You can't remake history
without an offensive line.

We'll get an offensive line.

I don't want to throw
the football anymore.

I can't believe
that, Reno.

I don't wanna throw
a beer can into
a trash bin anymore.

'Cause if I miss,
some jerk's gonna say,

"Hey, Ren,
what's the matter?
Losing the old touch, huh?"

Oh, Jack, I'm not
a quarterback anymore.

I'm a van specialist.
And I like it, I'm good at it.

I don't want to play.

Get off your knees, Jack.
Come on, I'll buy you a beer.

Reno.

I'm afraid you've put me
in a very difficult position,

but you do
owe me something.

Oh, come on, Jack, you're not
going to pull that on me?
I mean, that's--

Reno, you're behind
on your mortgage payments.

Come on, Jack--

And I was thinking
if you were our quarterback,

we might be able to arrange
a little financing
for your shop.

Jack, you got no shame at all.

I'm gonna go see
the Caribou tomorrow.

And I'd like to be able
to tell them

I have the greatest quarterback

in the history
of south Kern County.

Now, do I hear
the variable mortgage
interest rates coming down?

17%.

16%.

Oh. Coming back up again.

Okay, Jack, you tell
the Caribou whatever you want.

But I'm gonna tell
you something.

You're a lowlife,
blackmailing,
chickenshit squid.

"lowlife, blackmailing,
chickenshit squid."

Welcome aboard, Reno!

Hey, Reno!

Are you still
the Caribou president?

[yells]

That answer your question
for you?

Leaves no doubt.
Give me a beer.

Charlie, I got
to ask you a question.

Do you think
Taft's lethargic?

You're damn right it is.
And proud of it.

You don't think we oughta
rise up out of lethargy

and breathe new life
into the bowels of our soul?

Hell no. We got it made.
No one bothers us.

You know, 500,000 people
move into L.A. every year,

and make it
crowded and miserable.

You know how many people
moved into Taft last year?

Just Arthur and Earl.

That's right.
Just Arthur and Earl.

If you ask me, Arthur's
not gonna last much longer.

Come here, Charlie.

Jack Dundee will be
coming in here.

He's got a crazy idea
he needs the men of Taft.

Now, he's gonna tell you
that I'm a part of it,
but I'm not.

Whatever he asks,

you just
tell him no.

Anything
for a brother Caribou.

In short, gentlemen,

we really need
the men of Taft

to forge
from the foundry of history

a new past, and by extension,
a new future

with, hopefully,
a new present

caught in the middle.

In closing,
I just have to say,

Bakersfield
must be destroyed!

Motion's on the floor.

Any motion on court
will try to need the second.
That second?

Second.
Furthermore, any motion
from an outside party

not on the agenda is defined
by the bylaws requires
a second second

before discussion
if we want discussion.

Second second?
Second second.

Discussion?
Discussion.

Second.
Chair wishes
to thank Mac Lynch

our sergeant at arms emeritus
for his help in seconding
these motions,

and opens the floor
to discussing the motion

that Taft
challenge Bakersfield

to settle
for once and for all

the question of who--
or is it whom?

Who.
Second.

Who was the best--

Bestest.
Best. Bestest.

Best. Better.

Second.

Better team in 1972.

Discussion.

I'd like to go on record
as saying I despise Bakersfield

as much as any man
in this room.
Second!

However, the last thing
we need is to get
our butts whipped again

by some giant
metropolitan city

that has
an unfair advantage anyway.

Exactly.
Sounds to me like
you're scared.

Yeah, that you'll drop
the damn ball!
You fat--

Order, order, order!
Order unto the caribou!

I'm okay.
Brother Caribou.

Brother Caribou,
let's not rush to judgment.

Jack may have stumbled
across the edge
of an idea here.

I say if Jack,
who screwed up so badly

on that dark night
many years ago,

is willing
to replay the game,

then we oughta throw
our antlers in the ring,
and kick some ass.

Yeah!
Kick some ass.

Nobody hates the scum
of Bakersfield worse than I do.

But half the old team
lives out of town,

the half that don't
is in miserable shape.

Felipe Rivero's in Fresno,
Luther Jackson lives up
in San Jose.

Not to mention
our whole offensive line
moved away.

Where's Mando
and Bam Bam and Dickie LaRue?

We'll get them back,
and we will get in shape.

We're not organized.
We'll get organized.

It's against
the laws of bylaws.

What? Getting in shape?

Shit no.
Getting organized.

Have we no dignity
or pride?

I object to your insinuations!
Charlie, you can't object!

Sit down, Jack!

Order to the Caribou!
Order to the Caribou!

Lodge bellow!
Lodge bellow!

[yells]

[yells]

[all yelling]

I say in summation,

that Jack's idea is,
no offense, sprinkled
with horseshit.

Discussion over!

Now, all those who think
Jack's proposition

is sprinkled with horseshit
signify by saying aye.

[all]
Aye!

Opposed?
No!

No!
The ayes are above the nos.

I propose we head
for the bar.

Second!
Meeting adjourned!

[telephone rings]

Marcy, I told you
never disturb me here.

Excuse me
for interrupting you
in your study, sir,

but the colonel's
on the phone.
Marcy, I can't talk--

Jack!
Hello, Herbert.
What's happening?

I got a problem.
Nobody here wants
to play the game.

You having any luck
over there?

There's a lot of excitement
right here at the moment, sir.

Oh, well, I got no players,
no coaches, nothing.

Oh, my God.

I don't suppose
there's any way
I can get out of this thing.

You've put me
in a difficult position,

because everyone in this town
is giddy with expectation.

I suppose I could

find it in my heart
to let you off the hook,

but you'll owe me one,
of course.

Jack-o, just kidding!

You went
for the fake as usual.
Pardon me?

Jack, say hello
to Tony Tiger!

Grr!

Jack,
we're gonna eat you alive.

All right,
here are the rules.

Only men
from the '72 team can play.

We'll go
15-minute quarters,

NFL style,
One-point conversions.

We're pros, huh, right?

One more thing,
iron hands.

When you put on
your uniform,

the jockstrap
goes on the inside.

Buy me a drink?

Whatever
she wants, Chico.

Reno, it's me.

Darla.

Darla Robinson!

My God, I can't bel--
I didn't recognize you!

I mean, it's been awhile.
What, 12 years?

Thirteen.
God.

So, have you seen Jack?

Yeah, he drives back
and forth in front
of the house every night,

circles the block
a couple of times,
and heads off to the motel.

Seen Reno?
No.

I think he's been
sneaking out to Darla's
for the last couple of months.

Darla? Please.
Yeah.

Do you think Jack
ever went out there?

Of course not.
I'd know the minute
that he did.

God, I remember it
like it was yesterday.

I was standing
on the 50-yard line
at halftime.

I was the goddamn
Homecoming Queen,

surrounded by
rocket princesses.

And pregnant.

Yeah, well,
I think we both
screwed up.

Huh?
Well, what do they want?

Well, it's simple
what men want.

What men want
is more eye makeup.

Lots and lots
of eye makeup.

Heavy liner
on the bottom lid.

Thank you, Linda.
Come on, not all men.

Hey, Darla,

I got to ask
you something.

How many touchdown passes
did I throw

against Porterville High
in '72?

Six. You were terrific.

You were
a terrific bastard, too.

What?
But we were undefeated,
so it was okay.

You seem nicer now.

Nicer?
Yeah.

Hit it.

I always dreamed
the boy I loved

would come along.

* Woo

* Woo, woo, woo,
woo, woo, woo *

And he'd be tall and handsome,
rich, and strong.

* Woo

Now that boy I love
has come to me.

* Woo

But it sure ain't the way
I thought it would be.

* Sha-la-la-la

* Hey, hey, hey

* Sha-la-la-la *

* Hey, hey, hey

* Sha-la-la-la

* Hey, hey, hey

* He's sure
the boy I love *

* He don't look
like a movie star *

* He don't drive
a Cadillac car *

* Sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But sure
the boy I love *

* Let me tell you *

* When he holds me tight

* Everything's right

* Crazy as it seems

* I'm his
wherever he is *

* And I forget
all of my dreams *

* Everybody knows

* He doesn't hang
diamonds 'round my neck *

* And all he's got's
an unemployment check *

* He sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But he's sure
the boy I love *

* I'm his
wherever he is *

* But don't forget
all of your dreams *

* But I love him so

* He doesn't hang
diamonds 'round your neck *

* Oh, no *

* And all he's got's
an unemployment check *

* Sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But sure
the boy I love *

* Whoa-ho-ho

Who was that?

Who the hell did that?

Damn tiger!

I'm going to kick his ass!

I'll kill that bastard.

[all chattering]

Of all
the dirty tricks!

There's a lunatic
out there.

Lunatic, my ass.
It's Bakersfield.

What is going on here?

Chickenshit
son of a bitches.

It's terrorism.

Simple goddamn terrorism.

We've been violated.

I don't understand this.
That's how they work.

Confuse you,
then divide and conquer.

That's how terrorism works,
Charlie.
Absolutely right.

Damn right.
1971.
That wasn't 42 to nothing.

That was 35 to nothing.

This graffiti's all wrong.

Oh, my God!

Charlie.

They broke my gavel.

Attacking symbols
of office and authority.

It's nihilism,
I tell you.

They defaced our women.

We must redeem
our dignity and pride.
[chattering]

We're going to redeem
your dignity and pride.

My dignity and pride
are just fine, thanks.

I know you're upset.
No shit.

Kill Bakersfield.
We're gonna kill Bakersfield
for you, ma'am!

Well, I don't care.
Can you understand that?

[mumbles]
She cares. She cares deeply.

I propose with authoritarian
that Reno Hightower

was the greatest quarterback
in the history of America!

Yeah!
Right!

You hear that, Reno,
you're going to play
ball again.

Who said anybody was
replaying anything?

Rosie, tell them
this is all unnecessary.

Actually, I'd like
to have my honor defended.

Yeah!
Rosie!

Go, Rosie.
Jack, Jack.

Is it too late
to get the game on?

Geez, I don't know.

Ask Mr. Hightower.

Goddamn it.

Let's kill Bakersfield!

If I ever find
the son of a bitch
who did this,

I'll kill him!

* Land of hope and glory

* 'Neath the azure skies

* Where our friendships
are welded *

* Ever bonded our ties

Getting in shape
isn't enough.

To remake history,
we need an edge.

We don't need an edge.
We need an offensive line.

We need Felipe and Mando,
Bam Bam, Dickie LaRue!

Felipe!

Bam Bam!

Mando.

Mando.

Bam Bam.
Bam Bam!

Dickie LaRue!

Return to the scene
of their greatest triumphs.

Ready!

Set! Hut!

Hut! Hut!

Our offensive line
sounds like
a tuberculosis ward.

We got to get scientific.
What do you mean?

Aerobics.
What?

One...two...

three...four...

and one...

two...

three...

four...

and one, two, three.

Ow!
Don't be afraid to get
those legs up there, girls.

Yo!

Ho. Hey. Ho.
Jack.

Yes! Now dessert!

One, two.

Well,
what do you think?

I think it's pathetic, Jack.

Makes a grown man
wanna cry.

We gotta get back
to fundamentals.
No shit.

And how do we do that?

Hup!
[screams]

Men,
this is the playbook.

There's more than
200 plays in here.

Learn every damn
one of them.

What kind of offense
will Taft run?

Offense?
Well, they're probably
drawing plays in the dirt.

Eddie,
this pebble is you.

Chico,
you're the bottle cap.

All right, you run a post up
here to this piece of glass.

Right. Man, I thought
I was the piece of glass.

You're the twig,
goddamn it!

Twig.

Just go long.

Okay. On four.
Ready? Break!

* Land of hope
and glory *

* 'Neath
the azure skies *

* Where our friendships
are welded *

* Ever bonded our ties

* Where the derricks
run skyward *

* And our spirits
run free *

* In the valley
so fertile *

* Always hail to thee

* Land
of our alma mater *

* Always hail to thee

* Land
of our alma mater *

* Always hail to thee

Gigi, they've all gone crazy.

Sometimes I think
Reno never did know

how to get through
to me at all,
you know, El?

Gigi, I know
you're in there.

I want to talk.
Honey?

Okay, honey,
just listen to me and...

remember.

God.

* Why do birds

* Suddenly appear...

This is low.

What a cheap shot.

* ...you are near? *

* Just like me

* They like to be...

Gigi, we got to get you
out of here.

* Why do stars
fall down from the sky *

* Every time

* You walk by?
[humming along]

This way.
Out the window.

Come on. Shh.

* Close to you *

* On the day
that you were born *

* The angels
got together *

* And decided
to create a dream come true *

Great. Careful.

Let's get out of here.
Okay, let's go this way.

* Of gold and starlight
in your eyes of blue *

* Tiddle-um,
tiddle-um *

Taft! Taft! Taft!

Taft!

Look at all that phony,
virile, pseudo-macho posing.

Yeah. They look great.

Yeah.

Maybe we've been
too rough on them.

I mean, I know you don't
wanna see Reno,

but I'm thinking maybe
I could ask Jack to dinner.

I mean, just to talk,
of course.

Shit, are you caving in?

No!
I hope not.

There'd be very,
very strict ground rules.

What kind of ground rules?

Well, we shouldn't have
too much trouble
with the ground rules.

What ground rules?
Oh, didn't I tell you?

There's only two things
we can't talk about.

What?
Football and sex.

Oh.

Jesus, what do we talk about?

What are we gonna talk about?

We'll just steer clear
of anything personal.

Don't make it
too hard on them.

Okay. Then what if they pass
the Monday night test?

Then we can
get personal.

I'm not getting personal.

I don't care
how good they look.

How do I look?
You look hot.

I look like a dork.
You look hot.
You look great.

What are we going
to talk about?

What are we going
to talk about?

Go with the flow, Reno

I figure if things
go well tonight,

the old magical glow
could kick in.

We might even score.

Jack, we got
to be careful.

You're right, careful,
with just a hint of reckless.

They like that.

Women and the game.
We could have it all.

Jack, I want my wife back.
Don't screw this up.

Hey, me?
I'm in control.

Hey, Dad.
Teddy.

Hi, Mr. Dundee.
Hi, Blade.

We didn't think
you'd show up tonight.

Why not?
It's Monday night.

Atlanta-Minnesota.

My God!
Monday Night Football.

Jesus. They scheduled it
on Monday night on purpose.
They're testing us.

Doesn't really matter.

Atlanta and Minnesota
have lost

17 straight games
between them.

Yeah, even we don't want
to watch them.
Yeah.

Hi, Dad.
Hey, Jaki.

She's glad you came.
Tell her I love her.

Hey, Teddy.

*

What are we going
to talk about again?

It doesn't matter.

Do not take sides,
at all costs.
No arguments.

Be bland and be strong.

Bland and strong.

Hello.
Hi.

It smells super.

The food.

Better than super.

It's really,
really super.

Aw, that's sweet of you.

Yeah. Thanks.

Well, we've got a lot
to talk about.

Where do we start?

Well, we thought maybe
we could talk about,

for example,
the world.

Just for starters.

Yeah.
Great.

Reno: Sure.
You know, I just can't
get a handle

on the Middle East.
It's a swamp. A real mess.

Don't you think so, Rene?

Yeah, it's a swamp.

You think, honey?

Th--that it's a swamp?
Yeah.

Hey, absolutely.

Yeah, I thought so.

You know, it's probably too
complex to talk about
over dinner.

Well, hey,
you know, there's always
the nuclear question.

Since Taft's the safest city
in America...

I think that

that whole area
is another swamp, too.

But a very complex one,

a swamp with many levels
of political overtones
and resonances

that can't be fathomed
at the present time,

but need the distance
of the future to give it
a perspective

so you can truly have
a point of view

and realize the viscosity
of that quagmire.

And the only way
to understand this
is to realize

that
it's incomprehensible.

Yeah, it's kind of like
the shop.

We're chopping up
a Caprice,

taking the dings out
of a Nova.

Whew!

I've had a little
too much wine.
Excuse me.

Doing good.

Just try and tie it together.

[urinating]

How about
acid rain, huh?

So, what have
you guys been up to?

Gigi: Oh, gee,
it's busy, you know.

Yeah.
Oh, busy.

Just really, really busy,
I bet.

Uh-huh.

Really.
Yeah.

[coughing] No score.
What?

My throat's sore.
Excuse me.

I think I'm gonna have to use
the little boy's room, too.

Acid rain.
You got it.

Well, that's a swamp, too.

Because with all
that acidity,

you won't find your normal
swamp creatures flourishing.

They need salinity
to survive.

Now, what is it
that's the swamp?

What Jack
was talking about.

Yes.
[bell rings]

That's dessert.

I'll get it.
Let's go together.

Reno hasn't looked
this good in years.

Gigi, have I been
drinking too much,

or does Jack actually
look sexy?

No! They're both hot.

And they're
so goddamn well-behaved.

They're afraid
to open their mouths.

They don't even know
it's Monday night.

See? I told you
we can have it all.
Okay, great.

The women and the game.
Okay, great.

Now, just turn it off.

Fumble!
Vikes' ball.

It's Atlanta's ball.
Vikes' ball.

Look, it's Atlanta's ball!
Atlanta's ball.

Elly:
Where are you studs?

Okay, get in the bathroom.
I'll cover for you.

Women and the game.

Turn it off, Jack.
You got it.

Well, guess who's in
the bathroom again?

Again.
Is there something wrong
with the wine?

No. It's super.

It's-- I don't know,
it's running right through
me and Jack.

I can tell
it's the good stuff, though.
Yeah.

Well, hey, how about
Beirut, huh?

What do you know
about Beirut?

Beirut. "He da best damn
baseball player ebber live!"

That's so funny!

Isn't that great?

Oh...let's face it.

We don't have to talk about
important issues tonight.

We can talk about life.

Yeah,
what the hell.

You look great.
So do you.

You know, Jack and I
used to refer

to the magical glow
of things.

Well, I think it's about time
we all tried to get
a little of that back.

You know, things are going
so well tonight.

I thought maybe
we could talk a little bit
about marriage.

Where were we?

International
trade imbalance,

the Pope?

I'm having a ball.

You know, the thought
has occurred to me,

that we could go around
this table,

each one of us individually
listing our cases,

as it were,

and stating our gripes
and grievances about

our marital prob--
[groans]

Honey,
what's the matter?

You know, I think
there's something wrong
with the wine.

No, no, no, it's a...

a muscle cramp.

Well, why don't we come around
there and rub your backs?

No!
No!

No, we want to sit here
and look at you.
Right!

And we want
to be able to sit here

and look at--

Looking good!

We're just a couple
of party cossacks.

Party!
Oh!

I do love you, Jack.

Oh, I'm having
a wonderful time.

Good hands.
What?

Oh, your little
cold hands.

Well, they're not that cold.

Easy. Four seconds.

Did you say
that we're okay for sex?

It's about time.
Baby.

You know, you're looking
so good tonight.

I was wondering
if you thought maybe
if it was--

God, what a catch!

Oh, my God, Jack!

Who put that there?
Oh, my God!

Atlanta-Minnesota!
Jesus, Jack.
It's entrapment!

Entrapment, Jack?
They're 0 and 17 between them!

My God!
Jack, get out!

Well, Mr. We-Can-Have-It-All,
what do we do now?

Ask him to turn
the sound up.

There's still
the postgame highlights.

You are full of shit, Jack.

In every way that is possible
for a person to be
full of it, you are!

Even your bullshit
is bullshit.

You know, you once said to me
you liked the way

I could command respect
on a football team
without saying much.

Well, I was always amazed
at the way

you could make so much noise
without doing anything.

There's a style there,

a confidence.

Really, Jack, you're
a decent human being
basically.

You're just
full of shit.

What are you implying, Reno?

That's what I mean!
I'm not implying!
I'm saying!

You know something,
Reno?

In kindergarten,
I had it all.

I was the first
to memorize

The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.

In 6th grade,

I was voted
most likely to succeed.

In 12th grade,
I won the Caribou Lodge
Purple Mountains' Majesty,

Amber Waves of Grain
Youth Essay Contest.
Remember?

It was called
God, My Friend.
My Friend.

Hell of an essay, too.
Thanks.

I had a future,

until I went out
for football.

Because from 22 minutes
past nine o'clock

on the night
of November 15, 1972,

until now,
I've simply been known

as the man
who dropped the ball.

Oh, God.
I want Elly back.

Yeah, why can't it be
as easy as it is
on the football field?

They put their panties on
one leg at a time,
don't they?

Who knows anymore?
They might just hop in
both legs at once.

Have you told Elly you think
you're a bad lover?

Of course not.
She knows.

And if she doesn't,
I don't wanna give her
any clues.

Jack...

my bazooka's dead.

Don't tell me this.

Oh, man, my arm.

I can't throw
the ball well anymore.

You're great.
I was never great.
I was pretty good.

I was great
for around here.

Every year
I got better.

People remember me
in my prime.

The kids
always ask me

about the six touchdown passes

I threw
against Porterville.

Hell, I only threw
three touchdowns.
It was seven.

I'm not gonna argue.
I like the idea
of seven better.

Couple more years,
it'll be up to eight.

I get better with age.

Man, my knees are killing me.
I'm slow.

That's why
you didn't want
to play the game?

No. I just...

I didn't want
to destroy

the only thing
I got left.

Those stories about
how great I was.

You want to know
something else?

Bakersfield
is loaded.

One, two,
three, four, five,

six, seven, eight,

nine, 10,

11, 12, 13...

it's the worst goddamn idea
I've ever had.

Eighteen, 19, 20.

We're not going
to revive the town.

We're going
to destroy it.

You think it's too late
to call off the game?

Christ, Jack,
it's even too late to get
out of the dance.

* Don't say nothin'
bad about my baby *

* Oh, no

* Don't say nothin' bad
about my baby *

* I love him so

* Don't say nothin' bad
about my baby *

* Don't say nothin'
bad about my baby *

* He's good

* He's good
* He's good to me

* Good to me

* And that's
all I care about *

Elly's not coming.

Oh, she'll be here, Jack.

She wants to see
her old friends,
she'll make it.

Better?

That is disgusting.

Mom, what is this game
all about?

I really want
to understand.

Well, in your life,
isn't there something

that you wish
you'd done differently?

If you could do it over,
you'd change things somehow?

No.

Well, maybe you have to be
a grown-up to understand.

T-A-

F-T.

Taft!

That was Gigi
and the Blenders!

Let's give
a good hand!

Direct your attention
to the rocket ship.

Welcome back
Luther Jackson,

the greatest
running back

in the history
of Kern County!

What a pleasure to be back
to one's roots!

Mando!
How you doing, man?

Lighten up, brother.
Lighten up. Lighten up, man.

* Remem-mem

* Remem-mem-member

* Remem-mem *

* Remem-mem-member

* Remem-mem

* Remem-mem-member
then, then *

* Remember then

* Oh
* Remem

* Remem-mem-member

* Remem-mem

* Remem-mem-member

* Remem-mem

* Remem-mem-member
then, then *

* Remember then...

Jack:
Reno, look.

What do I do now?

Be cool.
Be what?

* That summer night

* Remember then,
then, then... *

She's going
straight to Gigi...

Yeah, and...

Right to the ladies' room.

* Whoa oh oh

* Remember then...

This whole thing
is a joke, Gigi.

He has revived Taft.

Jack's doing everything he said
he was going to do.

I know.
It's amazing, ain't it?

Yes.
Oh, come on.

Dance with
the son of a bitch.

Why should I?
Because you want to.

That's not a good reason.

Well, then do it because this
is his moment in the sun,
here tonight.

No, tomorrow is Jack's moment
in the sun-- the game.

No, it's not, it's tonight
while there's still hope,

because tomorrow
Bakersfield's just
gonna slaughter us.

They've been
in there forever.

What the hell
are they talking about?

Hey, Jack-o!
Reno!

I can't believe you guys
pulled this thing off.

Day after tomorrow,
Taft will never forget
the name Jack Dundee.

We were just talking about
the eight touchdown passes

you threw
against Porterville,
it was incredible!

Yeah, well, you don't
throw eight TD's in a game
without great protection.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna need
all I can get.

We're a lean, mean
fighting machine!
Yeah!

* The first time

I'm dancing.

* Ever I saw your face

* I thought the sun

* Rose in your eyes

* And the moon
and the stars *

* Were the gifts...

Elly,
is that you?

Well, if it isn't,

just disregard everything
you're about to hear.

You once told me
to choose

between you
and the game.

Well...

I got it wrong.

Tomorrow we're gonna get
our ass kicked.

I know I have no right
to ask you anything

at a time like this.

* Ever I kissed...

It would be very nice...

* Your mouth *

...if you could
come out here

and dance with me.

* I felt the earth

Elly?

* Move in my hand

Those are your feet,
aren't they?

* Like
the trembling heart *

Jack. Aquarius.

* Of a captive bird *

* That was there *

* At my command

* My love

* And the first time

* Ever I lay with you *

* I felt your heart

* So close to mine

* And I knew our joy

El?

What do you want?

I want you...

to kill Bakersfield.

* ...Till the end
of time *

Okay.

* My love

* The first time

* Ever I saw...

Do you do that
left to right

or right to left?

Both ways.
Just in case.

Yeah.

You Catholic?

At the moment.

Excuse me.

Thank you, Jack.

Well, Jack, here we are.
Yeah.

You finally got
what you wanted.

What wretched luck.

Oh, relax, Jack.
You're going to be a hero.

And what if I'm not?

It's just a game.

Mmm!

Oh.

Oh!

Just a game.

Look alive.

Go, Jack!

Kickoff time,
sports fans.

As outlined against
the blue-grey November sky,

the four horsemen
ride again.

In days of yore,
they were known

as disease, famine,
pestilence, and death.

We're really gonna need
some luck tonight.
There's no such thing as luck.

[yells]

[screams]

Charlie:
A end over end kick,

coming down
to number 34.

He's at the five,
the 10, the 15.

The quick reverse
to Johnny "O"!
I can't look.

Touchdown!
Johnny "O,"
Bakersfield.

Had to be
Johnny "O."

You lucky
son of a bitch!

Swing it, swing it,
swing it, yeah!

All right! Yeah!

What did that take?
Four seconds?

Come on, nail them!

The kick is good.

Charlie:
Bakersfield, seven,
Taft, zero.

You a rocket
or a pissant?
A rocket!

Goddamn it!
Come back here!

Let's go!

I don't want
to sound biased or anything,
Arturo,

but I think we have
a real lean, green war machine
down there on that field.

Okay, hogs, let's see
what kind of shape you're in.

Quick pitch
to Luther on one. Ready?
Break.

You a rocket
or a pissant?
I'm a rocket!

Show me! Show me!
He's a rocket!

Set! Hut!

Pitch to Luther Jackson.

He's down at the five.

Same play, other side.
On one. Ready?

Break!

Set! Hut!

Luther Jackson
down at the two.

Oh.
It's like playing my sister.

Third and 18, Rockets.

Come on, let's do it.
I love this game.
Gotta throw the ball.

Luther, split right,
run a straight fly. Any safety
bound.

Jack, post pattern
on four, and be careful.

They got Dr. Death
covering you.
No sweat.

I thought he was
still in jail.
No, he's on parole.

Parole?
On four. Ready, break.

Yeah, come on over here,
mighty man.

I'm going to take
the rest of your teeth out.

Yeah!
On four, on four.

Open your eyes, punk!
Ready?

You heard me.
On four.

On four. On four.
Set!

On four. [screams]
Hut!

Where you running, rabbit?
Come on back here.

You gotta wait for the ball.

I'm open,
I'm open, I'm open.

Come on!

Charlie:
Illegal procedure
on number 99,

Jack Dundee.

Great move, Jack.
You're wide open.

Go!

Whoa!

Six points.

Yeah!

Off to a great start,
huh, Jack?

Charlie:
In the first quarter,
Taft, nothing, Bakersfield, 13.

Johnny "O."

Johnny "O."
Key on "O"!

Reverse!

Look at this, guys!
Here it is!

Woo!

Yeah!

Charlie:
The score is Bakersfield, 20,
Taft, nothing.

Go, go!

Kill somebody!

Charlie:
Incomplete pass
from Hightower.

Get up, Jack!

Reno Hightower thrown
for a loss of 12 yards.

Hut!

Hey, man, you play
like you got nothing.

Ready!

Set!

[thunder rumbling]

Charlie:
A long pass
complete to Johnny "O"

at the 30, 25, 20...

it's a touchdown!

Johnny "O"
of Bakersfield.

I love it!

Give me a high five!

Ow!

God, Morgan,
my knee!

Goddamn it!

Jeez!

Charlie:
Is there a doctor
in the house?

We're coming.

Oh, shit!
Johnny:
Call my mom.

Careful. Watch my knee.

Aah!

Charlie:
Taft, zero, Bakersfield, 26.

[thunder rumbling]

Something's happening
to the blue-grey November sky.

There seems to be
a little turbulence
to the north.

Twenty seconds left
in the first half.

Well, it's halftime now,

and it's starting
to get a little bit
of a Taft sprinkle here.

Let's get out
of here.

Charlie:
Halftime statistics,
rushing yardage,

Bakersfield, 314 yards,
Taft, minus 12.

The weather sucks.

We have
a great halftime show
for you, folks.

Let's listen to that great
mighty Rocket band.

*

Sorry, man.
Some great passes.

Should've had them.

Forget it.

Matthew 14, verse 11.

"Ye shall know the truth,

and it shall
make you free."

Amen, coach!

On Monday morning,
they'll still be them,

and we'll still be us,

but for the next 30 minutes,

we can rule Kern County!

Yeah!
Yeah!

Yeah!
Yeah!

Yeah!

Gentlemen, now!

Now! Now!

Now!

Now we play
some football!

That ought
to keep them going

through the kickoff.

They say a little bit
of this stuff warms the body
and clouds the mind.

Oh, that stuff runs
right through you.

Better go
drain the weasel.

Come on, Ren, have a drink.

We're going down
on a sinking ship here,

and the only way to do that
with dignity is to be drunk.

It's easy for you,
isn't it?

What the hell, you stunk
13 years ago,

and you stink tonight,
haven't lost a goddamn thing.

No, this frigging nightmare
is all mine now.

And it's all my fault.
So, have a drink.

It's not your fault, Jack.

Oh, yes, it is.

Just have a goddamn drink
and relax!

You.

Oh, my God!

That was you.

I forgot it was in there--
I mean, who put that in there?

You son of a bitch.
You don't think I--

I ought to kill you!

Reno, Reno, I was framed.
Framed, my ass!

Goddamn it!

You started
this rotten disaster,

and you're going
to finish it.

You quarterback
in the second half,

and they'll kill you.

You know what
they're gonna put
on your tombstone? Huh?

Jack Dundee, he tried
to remake history

and he got beat
100 to absolute nothing!

I don't think they'll score
that many points.

They might score 200,
but what fool cares?

There you go.

What do you got
to say now, Jack-o?

You're right.

You're not a quarterback
anymore, Reno.

You're just
a van specialist.

And I never should have
expected a van specialist

to lift a town
out of lethargy.

I was wrong to think
that you were still a leader,

because you've lost it, Reno,

not just in football,
but in life.

There, I've said it.
I'm sorry.

Now I'm ready to die.

Uh, two minutes left
to kickoff.

Time for my last smoke.

You lazy jive ass!

You're soft,
you're slow,

and your hands
are for shit.

Hey, who woke you up?

Get on the field
and shut up, Luther.

Reno, you're a prick.
And you always were a prick.

Great, great.

Now get your ass
on the field.

Now.

When he was a prick,

Reno Hightower was
the greatest quarterback

in the history
of south Kern County.

One more thing, Jack.

You ain't playing
in the second half.
You're through.

Damn you.

Reno!

Whoa, Nellie!
He's wearing his white shoes.

[gasps]

Oh, my God!

[chanting]
Reno!

Unbelievable!

Reno! Reno! Reno!

The crowd's going wild.

[whistle blows]

Let's go!
Get them, Reno!

Charlie:
I'd like your attention
on the sidelines,

the late arrival
is Jack Dundee.

Right there. Ready?

Come on, grandma. Hit!

Hut!

Charlie:
First down.

Set!
Yeah, I'm gonna kick
your butt.

Whose butt?
Hut!

Hut!

Hut!

Charlie:
Complete to Luther Jackson
at the Bakersfield 34.

What the hell's
happening here?
First down pass.

Come on, let's get
something moving.

They're scared,
they're scared.
That's a great catch!

Great catch,
my ass, that's what
you're supposed to do

when the ball hits you
in the hands.

And I want some protection
from you lazy bastards.

I'm tired of picking
myself up from the ground.

Play-action pass
to Luther on two.
Ready, break.

Ready?
You're going to die, boy.

Bring it on, chump!
Set!

Now, let's go!

Your mama!

Hut!

Come on, kill him!

Charlie:
He's at the 25,

the 20, the 15,
the 10, the five.
Get that chump, man.

Touchdown!

Taft, seven,
Bakersfield, 26.

Get him! Get him!

Stop him!

Charlie:
Touchdown!

You wipe that stupid grin
off your face.

Yes!

Charlie:
Third quarter,
Taft, 14, Bakersfield, 26.

Man:
I got hot nuts!

I got hot nuts!

You ain't had hot huts
in 50 years!

Hut!

Hold them where they are!

Hut!

Hut!

[screams]
What's happening?

Charlie:
7:36 left to play.

Get him!

Charlie:
Bakersfield's going
to get clobbered.

Taft, 21, Bakersfield, 26.

Hut!
Go, Tigers!

Hut!

Come on!

Go!

How much time
we got?

Play ball.

I'm going to remember you,
too.

Great second half, Ren.

Good thing
I'm not in there, huh?

Did you think
in my whole life

I'd never find out
who trashed Gigi?

Only a fool would bring
that tiger's head

in the locker room.

Well, I'm a genius at making
a fool out of myself.

Always finding
new ways to do it.

Well, I got one more
for you, Jack.

We get the ball back,
you're in there.

Why me?

Let's go, bummer!

Charlie:
First and 10
at the Taft 42.

One minute left in the game.
Clock running.

Just hold on
to the frigging ball,
will you?

Charlie:
At the line,
the ball comes loose!

It's a fumble!

Who's got the ball?

Come on!

Charlie:
The referees
are trying to unpile it.

Who's recovered the fumble?

[man yelling]
Back off!

It's our ball,
it's our ball.

We got the ball!

Get your balls out
of my face.

Hey, who has it?
Charlie: Taft has the ball!

Taft recovered the ball
at their own five-yard line!

What a lucky bastard!

Let's go, Jack.

Where?
All right, let's go!

Go get them, baby.
You got it. Go get them.

Oh, shit.

Charlie:
Number 99, Jack Dundee,
is going in for Taft.

[crowd booing]

Post out on two,
get out of bounds.

Anybody screws up,
I'll kill you.

Relax.

Relax.

Charlie:
Reno up to the line.
Eddie, fullback.

Dundee flanked wide
to the left.

Hey, Jack,
they finally let you back
in the game?

They got to be kidding.

Where are your glasses,
you Casper the friendly ghost?

You see that? Can you see?
[grunts]

Oh, yeah,
I can see you, Dr. Death.

You better watch out,
Dr. Death.

I'm pretty damn fast
for a Caucasian.

Hut!

Take that!
Oh, my God!

Charlie:
And he's out of bounds
at the 30!

Forty-nine seconds left.

Line up, line up!

Ain't you passed, Jack?
I thought I broke your back
last time.

Want some more medicine,
Dr. Death?

Hut!

You ready for that?

Charlie:
Pass complete to Powers.

He's out of bounds
at the 45.

[crowd chanting]
Reno, Reno!

The clock stops.
Thirty-seven seconds left.

Go!

Let's go!

Ready?

It's me and you, Jack.

Hut!

Jack in the mud!

Next!

Charlie:
Carlos down to the 50.
The clock's still running.

Taft has one time-out left.

Hurry up, offense.

Let's go, let's go!

Reno! Reno!

Reno! Reno!

Hut!

Charlie:
Reno Hightower sacked
for a big loss.

Time-out! Time!

Time, time!

Charlie:
Time-out, Taft.

We're secure.
Come on, Ren.

We got time for one more.

Ren, I can get open.

Come on.
He can't get open.

I can get open.

Come here, Jack.

Half these people came
here tonight, Jack,
to watch you catch the ball.

The other half came
to see you drop it.

I was going
to throw it to you,

just to show you up,
but I want to win.

I'm calling
somebody else's number.

I can get open.

You drop
that damn thing again, Jack,
your life is over.

Just throw me
the goddamn ball, Reno.

Can you get open?

We are Taft!

We are Taft!

We are Taft!

All right,
Olin, this stick is you.
Olin: Right.

Eddie,
you're the bottle cap.

Take care
of that maniac and coming
from the right side.

Eddie: Yeah.
And Chico?

Chico: Uh-huh?
Block and flare.

Carlos, head straight
for the water bucket

and cut toward
that corner of the gym.

Jack, give them
your best move.
My best move.

You ready?
Ready.

On two. Ready?
Break!

We are Taft!

We are Taft!

Yay!

Yay!

Come on, you're not going
to give it to Jack, are you?

You think I'm crazy?

Go!

Whoo!
Win it, guys!

Charlie:
At their own 45.
No time-outs left.

Five seconds left
on the clock.
[growls]

This is it, Jack.

Throw it to Jack!

Charlie:
Will be the last play
of the game.

Ready!

Death,
humiliation, and pain.

You ready for this, Dundee?

Come and get me, sucker.

Set!

[mouthing words]

Touchdown!

How are your legs?

My knees are killing me.

They feel great.

God, I love
to watch you play.

I did it.

Nice catch.

I was so lucky.

No.

No, you were due.

Hey, Jack!

I challenge you to a rematch
next year on astro turf.

Hey, look out!
Watch it!

Damn it.

Let's go home.

How the hell did that clown
ever catch the ball?

Clown?

Did you see
that great move?

It was my son-in-law.

Hey, 99.

Nice catch.

* He don't look
like a movie star *

* He don't drive
a Cadillac car *

* Sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But he's sure
the boy I love *

* Let me tell you now

* He'll never be
a big businessman *

* He always buys
on the installment plan *

* Sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But he's sure
the boy I love *

* When he holds me
tight *

* Everything's right

* Crazy as it seems

* I'm his
wherever he is *

* And I forget
all of my dreams *

* Everybody knows

* He doesn't hang
diamonds 'round my neck *

* And all he's got's
an unemployment check *

* Sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But he's sure
the boy I love *

* When he holds me
tight *

* Everything's right

* Crazy as it seems

* I'm his
wherever he is *

* But don't forgot
all of your dreams *

* But I love him so

* He doesn't hang
diamonds 'round your neck *

* And all he's got's
an unemployment check *

* Sure ain't the boy
I been dreamin' of *

* But sure
the boy I love *

* Whoa-ho-ho

* Sure the boy I love