All language subtitles for The Witchfinder.S01E03.Episode 3

Someone's going to have to tell
the Witchfinder General

he's going to need
a new right-hand man.

I need to take the suspect
to the Court of Assizes.

And you won't even let me go?
Why on earth would I agree to that?

Because you can't get
to Chelmsford in time.

We'll be there on time.
In fact, we'll be there later today.

Captain, we weren't expecting you
so soon. Captain?

That's John Stearne. Was.

That's John Was.

Why do your eyes keep flicking
over there?

We need to go over the bridge

and thought I might...
look at the bridge.

Careful! She could cast a hex
on any one of you.

Blow the bridge!

Aah!

This is not catastrophic,
this is...manageable.

If you could eat
anything you wanted right now,

what would you eat, do you think?

Plenty of villages beyond
these trees -

get to one of them, borrow a couple
of horses, off we go.

We should be in Chelmsford
marginally after dark.

Like, if I was a witch
and I could cast a food spell

and you could eat
anything you wanted to,

what would you eat right now,
do you think?

Just need to get through
this forest -

which isn't really a forest,
if I'm honest. It's more of a wood.

Well, it's a thicket, isn't it?

It's copse. I'd have a bag pudding.

What are you talking about?

I was just talking about,
if you could eat anything right now,

what would you eat, do you think?
Just to sort of pass the time.

Yes, you can pass the time
by examining the woodland.

Or your conscience.
Nothing wrong with my conscience.

Just have to borrow
a couple of horses

once we get to the Vale of Dedham.
Dedham Vale?

Are you joking?
I'm not going through Dedham Vale!

You ARE going through Dedham Vale.

You're a prisoner, and you'll do
as you're told.

No-one goes through Dedham Vale.
My dad told me all about it.

They've lost their minds.

A man lost his daughters in there,

who went in there to sell cakes,
and they never came back.

Well, we don't know that they came
to any harm. Where'd they go, then?

Well, maybe they met some brothers
and settled down.

There were six of them.

Maybe they met six brothers.
I don't think so.

We're talking about Suffolk.
They have big families.

OK. Let's go. Come on, let's go!

Excuse me, swan. Sorry.

Madam! Stop!

Stop.

Where are you going?

South. South!
Now, are you going near Chelmsford?

We're going to Chelmsford.

Ooh! This is ideal.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is that to me or the horse?
I'll need my costs covered.

Your costs? But you're going there
anyway, aren't you?

So there ARE no costs -
and besides, we have no money.

Then, just give us
a bit of your honey.

Well... What?

This is stealing.

Dad always said, don't look
a gift horse in the mouth.

This is not a gift horse.

This is just a horse who has
left its mouth unattended.

Smoke, look.

Right...

Let's do the job properly.

Someone's coming!

Oi! What the fuck
are you doing?

Have you been in the hive? No.

If you've touched my bees,

I'll shove them up your arse
one by one, like rosary beads.

You definitely haven't touched them?

No. We were...

..just looking at them.

Quite unusual.

Bollocks. Unusual!

What's unusual about them?

Well, your skeps
are made from willow.

Skeps? Yeah.

What do you know about skeps?

Well, usually you would reinforce
the base with hazel,

but you've opted to use willow,

presumably to stop them warping
in the wet weather.

I have, yeah.

But it's not reinforcing the base,
is it?

It's called sp... Splitting.

Sorry, our smoke scared your bees.

Scared them?
No, the smoke doesn't scare them.

No, it quells them.

If you'd scared them, you'd know it.

Oh, yes, you would!

Do you tend to these every day,
or...? I do, yeah.

You know, I mean, I know we're not
supposed to work on the Sabbath,

but... Try telling the bees that.

This is nice, isn't it?

Just two men having a nice chat
about bees.

You have the softest elderly hands
I've ever held.

It's just a knob of butter
in the morning.

You butter your hands? Yeah.

You butter your hands.

That's right.

Well, it works beautifully.

Now, are you going to tell me
what's upset you?

They're saying that it was Master
Gideon that killed Mr Stearne.

Then, you must go and warn him.
Godspeed and good luck.

Cumberlidge.

We ride for Cromer in an hour,

so the horses will need
a belly full of hay

and a going-over
with the dandy brush.

You could do with a couple
of strokes yourself.

I don't have a horse.

You don't have a horse?

Then, yours is a thorny task indeed.

I will say, do find him.

I remember my father was
wrongly accused of poaching.

I tried to reach him
before the gamekeepers did.

Did you find him?
Oh, yes. Oh, thank goodness.

Dead. Moments too late.

What I wouldn't give
to right that wrong.

Still.

If... If you want to,
you could help me find my master.

Oh... Oh, we'd be happy to.

I could do for Bannister
what I could never do for my father.

You just tell me where he's gone.

Ch...

Ch...?

Oh, you promised not to.

Oh, Alice, bless you.

Promises are so important,
aren't they?

I will not violate my covenant

or alter the word that went forth
from my lips.

Psalms. Psalms.

So, what if I say where he's gone?

Then, you won't have been the one
to tell me.

Your promise will be intact,
and we can save that life of his.

You just tell me if I'm right.

Chorley. Chelmsford.

Cheltenham. Chesham.

Chadderton. Chiddingly.

Chard. Chelsea.

Charlbury. Chatham. Chatteris.

Cheshunt. Chester.

Chesterfield. Chester-le-Street.
Chagford. Chaddesley Corbett.

Charlwood. Cheadle. Cheddar.

Chinnor. Chichester. Chippenham.

Chipping Campden. Chipping Norton.

Chipping Ongar. Chipping Sodbury.
None of those?

The second one.

Such lovely hands.

Come along, Alice.

Nice of him to give us that honey.

For people that keep bumblebees
as slaves,

I think the beekeepers
are actually quite nice.

You met many beekeepers?

No. Beekeepers are odd.

I thought your dad was a beekeeper.

Bee people are all the same!

"Ooh, that's a very nice honey.

"Ooh, try this honey.
Smell the honey!

"Ooh, that's lovely honey, that is."

Tedious, tedious.

Their relentless veneration of bees.

I dunno, whatever makes you happy,
I say.

Name a famous beekeeper.

Um...

I'm waiting.

There aren't any.

You can't get rich or decorated
by keeping bees.

You could be rich in other ways,
besides money.

Yes, well, I want to be rich
in other ways AND money.

You're a witchfinder. I am.

My lad's a bit of a witchfinder,
aren't you, lad?

A bit of a witchfinder?

You'll have to watch yourself.

I shall have to remember that!

He's found two now.

Local girls, like.

Knows all the questions.

Then again, it's just a bit
of common sense, innit?

Well, no - you have to be able
to read for a start.

I can read.

Oh, I bet you read nicely.

You could teach ME to read one day!

"An observation of the study of the
nature of the foulness of witches.

"For Dorothy."

Oh, no, it's a summons from
the court in Chelmsford.

It doesn't say Chelmsford on here.
Or court.

Well, I've read Malleus Maleficarum
in Latin.

Mm! I wonder whether your boy
has done that.

Might have. What about Daemonologie?

Um... Um...

Yes or no?

Yes, then. And Stercus Equi? Yeah.

Even though it doesn't exist,
and it means horse shit in Latin?!

Oh!

No! No, stop the cart!

Stop the cart!

Gooch! Oi! Gooch!

One more step!

One more step, and I will put a hex
on you - I mean it!

Argh!

Oh!

Argh!

Right, you! Aah! You!

Argh!

I was never summoned to Chelmsford.

There's no letter. So what?

In Chelmsford, you get to be tried

away from the lunatics
in your hometown,

and I get to offer my services

as the right-hand man
to the Witchfinder General.

This is what this is all about?

A job?

You are so obsessed with people
thinking you're important!

I care what people think.

That's all.

And maybe if you would do that
once in a while,

rather than just articulating
anything

that comes into your head... Oh!

..then maybe you wouldn't be
in this pickle in the first place.

Don't you dare.
People are frightened.

Yeah. They think the devil
walks amongst them!

They want certainty.

Now, anyone with half a brain
would notice that,

and would try and fit in,

would try and be like other people -
but not you.

You spend all your time down the
tavern, you rile your neighbours.

You ask constant,
constant questions.

I don't just accept what the men
in the fancy hats tell me!

Yeah, well, LET ME TELL...!

Let me tell you something.

It's the people in the nice hats
that make all the big decisions.

Now, someone like...

What? You don't think I'm a witch.

I haven't said that, who said that?

Why didn't you stay back? When?

When I threatened to put a hex on
you before, you didn't even flinch.

I did. I remember feeling
intense fear

before asking the Lord
to give me courage.

You dived on me straight away.

I pray very quickly.
For the sake of your career,

you would convict an innocent woman.

I'm not convicting anyone.

That is for the court to decide.
I am merely a...

..conduit would be the wrong word,
but... Just a horrible man.

Yes, and you're my prisoner.

So, we're going.

Give me the map.

Give me the map. Mm-mm.

Give me the map. No.

I'm not going through Dedham Vale,
it's got the word "dead" in it.

Yes, it's also got the word "ham"
in it.

Yeah. Well, good luck
getting that down.

You'd have more chance swallowing
your bloody mouth, honestly.

Can't wait to see you get THAT down.

You're not getting that down.

Are you getting that down?

Don't get that down!

Stop getting it down!

Is it down?

That's unbelievable.

Let's head for the trees.

Bugger me!

Footprints.
People have been this way.

Yeah. Us, an hour ago.

Right, we're camping.

And you can extinguish that look,
thank you very much.

We're still going to Chelmsford
tomorrow.

I was always told it's dangerous
to stay out at night

in case of highwaymen.

Can you see any highways?

Highwaymen don't just rob
on highways.

Yes, but highwaymen mainly rob
on highways,

just like dung beetles
don't just eat dung.

If they find an old leaf
that tastes shitty enough,

they'll eat that too -

but they're called dung beetles

because they MAINLY eat dung.

Right...

Have you done much camping?

The rabbit is a wily foe...

..but if I stay completely still...

..I will hear him coming...

..long before he reaches the exit...

..giving me that crucial...

..split-second advantage...

..needed...

That's fine.

Let him go, let him go.

Do you think? Mm-hm.

Always let the first one go.

Mark of respect between hunter...

..and hunted.

Again, fine.

Let him go, let him go?

We had not yet commenced
the hunt proper.

We shall do so now.

Funny how if you just bend down
and pick one up, they just let you.

Possibly cotignac. Cotignac?

You were asking earlier what I would
eat if I could have anything I like.

Bread with cotignac.

It's a quince paste
made with lemon and sugar.

I love jam. It's not a jam!

It's an exquisite local delicacy
in Provence.

In France.

Unusual for something
to be exquisite AND local.

Um, no. Normally if something is
exquisite, it doesn't stay local.

We all end up eating it -

and if it's still local,

it's probably not going to be
that exquisite.

Is that where you had cotignac -
France?

No, it's not.

I had it at a dinner
with the Archbishop of Norfolk

and several other leading figures
of East Anglia.

I sampled the cotignac,

and I was possibly too boisterous
in my praise.

Ended up lodging a pheasant's
wishbone in the old throat.

Had to be helped away.

I wasn't asked back.

That's sad.

It IS sad. Yes.

I've come to refer to it
as the wishbone moment.

Not just because I choked on one,

but also because
when one pictures a wishbone,

there is a long, thin
single bone...

..if you like,
my life up until that moment...

..and then the bone bisects
into two prongs.

Now, one of these is the
less-than-successful path

my life took after that moment,
involving small rooms in taverns

and people who like bag pudding.

The other prong?

That's the life I should have had.

Renown, acclaim...

So, yes, it is sad.
I meant the tune.

Oh, right. Well...

I will be playing an altogether
more jaunty number tomorrow

after meeting
the Witchfinder General.

Do you know
Are You Sleeping, Brother John?

Mm-hm. Because we could do that
in the round.

There's two of us.

Didn't he ban music?

That Puritan you like.

Oliver Cromwell.

# If you be a man of noble fame

# Then tell me-o the father's name

# At the well below the valley-o

# Green grow the lily-o

# Right among the bushes-o... #

Ahem.

# Two of them... #
Outstanding, Alice.

I could listen to you sing
all day... Well, thank you!

..and in a way I feel I have.
Your master is a lucky man indeed.

He doesn't much care for my singing.

Well, he should try listening
to Cumberlidge for entertainment.

I'd get better conversation
if I put the bridle on him

and had the horse sit up here!

# There's two of them by... #
That being said,

I do wonder if we shouldn't put
the singing to one side.

We'd hate to be in the throes
of musical ecstasy

and miss a clue as to which way
he journeyed.

Well, I can tell you
which way he's gone.

You can...you can see
from the horse droppings.

These could be
anyone's horse droppings.

Well, THOSE could be anyone's,

but these on the left,
they're Master Gideon's.

You can tell,
cos they're a bit purply,

and he feeds his horse beetroot.
Why does he feed them beetroot?

So they do purple shits.

Quite the sleuth.
Like a bloodhound tracking a fox.

Or a pig snuffling for truffles.

Ooh! It's a bit like truffling
for snuffles, isn't it?

Yeah. We must hurry.
Cumberlidge, off.

Give the horse a fighting chance.
You can trot alongside.

Haven't been camping in ages.

I suppose women aren't allowed to
any more.

Yes, they are. Of course they are.

Meet in the woods - must be a coven.

Pick flowers -
she's making a potion.

Swim in a river -
why does she float?

I used to love swimming.

My dad always says... I think that's
enough talking now, don't you?

Nothing wrong with talking.

My dad says it's the only thing
that separates us from animals.

Not true. Clothes.

My dad also says... Your dad also
says, your dad also says!

Your dad does a lot of saying,
doesn't he?

But not a great deal of being there

when his daughter is accused
of witchery.

Well, he went away.

When I was younger,
there was a bad harvest.

He went to get work.
So now he's migratory, is he?

Flying off to sunnier climes,

flapping his big old wings,
soaring off to Lowestoft?

Well, he didn't want us relying
on the parish.

Comments as you go by,
wiping spit off the door.

So he went away.

Last time I checked, families
were supposed to stay together.

We will be in one place.

He's found work now.

Oh! Says so in his letters.
Which you can't read.

Mum's friend can read,
and Mum would tell me -

till the pox took her last winter.

Do you think that he'd be writing
me letters if he deserted me?

I don't know. No.

You know, it's not healthy to set
so much store in other people.

Rely on oneself.

Pull up the drawbridge.

What if you love someone? Don't.

I don't.

You don't know what it means.
I do know this -

everybody has attachments.

Parents they've lost,
or a dog that ran away

or a fiancee who backed out with
four weeks to go before the wedding.

You can't dwell on the Christmases
you spent together,

the long walks, stroking her face
with the back of your hand.

"Oh, you've got smooth knuckles.

"I'm going to call you Smuckles."

You can't wallow in it.

You're from the wrong stock,
draw a line, move on.

Bye-bye.

What was her name?

Long time ago. I don't know.
Something like Dorothy.

So, Dorothy, then.
Yeah, it was Dorothy. Yeah.

You not having your bunny?

I'm all right. I had that map.

Let's tie you up.

Come on, Gooch. Up. Gooch! Gooch!

Up! I can hear people. Oh...

There must be a village.

Come on, Gooch, let's go.

Come on. Through here.

You smell that?

That'll be sausages.

That's Dedham Vale?

Well, what did you expect?

Jackals roaming the street?
Dead babies on spikes?

Lucifer manning the cider stall?

Well, I don't know,
I just got so many stories

about how everybody just went
completely berserk.

Where do the stories come from?
Your father. And half the tavern.

Like June Roscoe and Old Dim Dyke.

Here we go.
Randy Tom. Henry with the eye.

Henry with the hair.

Bobby Four-tits and half the lads
at the tannery.

Honestly, I hate to disagree
with Randy, Tom,

or any of the Four-tits family,
but look for yourself.

I might just go and ask.

No, you won't just do anything.

You're going to stay out the way.
Come on.

I will go over there.

I will have a lovely breakfast

and then I will use my standing to
secure the loan of a cart and horse

to get us to Chelmsford today,
ready for the trial tomorrow.

Any sausages for me?

I shouldn't have thought so.

Good morning!

Are your parents about?

I love children.

Hello?

Hello!

Do we know if this horse is taken?

Do we know if horsey likes apples?

Hello?

Daylight robbery. Ah! No.

The price of a good horse today. Oh.

Mind you, that one's just a pony
and it gets terrible sore throats.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh, it's fine.

It's just a little HOARSE.

Oh!

Wonderful!

Really strong.

The pony doesn't think so -
but then they are NEIGH sayers.

That's another one!

That's two horse jokes.

Helena Jennings.

Gideon Bannister. Gideon, eh?
Oh, a fine Biblical name. Yes.

Commanded by God
to defeat the Midianites.

Well, if I see one!

No, but ARE you a man of God?
I try to be.

I'm actually transporting...
James! He's one of our lot.

Minister Jennings,
cleric of our little parish.

So, there are people here, then.
Yes. Yes.

Well, you've met my wife.
The comedian.

Hah! Giving you the horse jokes,
was she?

Yes, both of them. Oh, I know!

Puritans ought not to entertain
frivolity... Mm-hm.

..but we're not really the
finger-wagging types in Dedham Vale.

Well, this is splendid.

A new friend,
and a man of good stock.

I saw you looking at the horse.
Are you in need of one?

Yes, that's my MANE concern.

Little horse joke for you.

But of course! Absolutely.

A good puritan like you -
more than welcome.

But first you must stay
and enjoy the feast.

Ooh, a feast!

Now, then! I don't mind a feast.

Do you know what?

Some people warned me
not to come through here.

Dedham Vale?!
Dedham Vale!

There's no safer place in England!

Of course not!

Oh, this place is fantastic.

We should get the feast started.
Oh, wonderful.

What are we having?
Having? Sausages, by any chance?

Oh, no, it's more of a feast
of renewal than a feast-feast.

Please! I have children! Please!

Wh...? We generally hang them,

but the occasional bonfire serves
as a warning to others.

Susan was arrested this morning.

It was said that she muttered
a malediction to Lorna Pierce.

Only arrested this morning?
And already tried?

Oh, we don't much worry about
trials. Best not to dilly-dally.

When the locals identify a witch,
that's good enough for us.

When the people of Sodom
and Gomorrah committed abominations,

God didn't initiate
court proceedings.

He rained burning sulphur upon them.

Which is why, when we get a witch,
we like to pop her on the fire.

The devil's daughter must be put
to slaughter. What a lovely rhyme.

Yes! Peter makes them up for us.

He's our resident Shakespeare.

I can see that. Now...

..would you care to be today's
starter of the flame, Mr Bannister?

Flame?

Oh, there they are!

I was meant to bury those witches
a week ago.

You know when you just can't
remember

what you've done with something?

So, what are you doing here?

I thought I'd just sort of guard
them. Guard them?

Er, because, witches,

you don't know if the power's
kind of still in them... Oh!

..even after they're dead.

I don't want any kids
sort of playing, skipping around,

and there's still, like,
still some sort of evil seeping out.

I'm Richard, by the way.
I am Thomasine.

Lovely to meet you.

Oh! You always curtsy?

Only to people that I fancy.

Could you do me a favour
and pass me that shovel? Um... No.

Pick it up
so I can look at your bum.

Phew! Wasn't expecting...

I wasn't expecting that!

I think I'll...
I'm going to get it, actually.

Cor.

See you later.

Come along, everybody, gather.

It's customary to say a few words,

be it a prayer
or a favourite passage.

A prayer, verse or a phrase,
then we can set her ablaze!

Thanks.

Bit of phlegm in my throat.

Um...

In these moments, I'm reminded
of a passage from the Old Testament.

"An eye for an eye
and a tooth for a tooth,"

and I think what the Lord
is driving at there

is he's inviting us
to extrapolate that out,

away from just eyes and teeth

and towards all parts of us.

So, for example, a thigh for a thigh
or a lung for a lung,

or a... Well, anyone...?

Lip. Lip would do it, yep.
Lip for a lip.

Yeah. A womb? Womb for a womb.

Yes, one for the ladies.

But does God...? A chin.

Chin is excellent.

That's world-class.
Yes, chin for a chin works a treat.

But does God literally want us
to do harm to another

just because we have had harm done
unto us?

Yes.

Going for yes? Yes.

Unanimously? Yes.

OK.

So, then... Er... Yeah.

Will this go on much longer?

Er, no, no, no. I'll just do my bit,
then I'll get her lit.

One for you, Peter.

In these situations,
I always like to thank the Lord

with a rendition of
Are You Sleeping, Brother John?

What, the children's rhyme?

Yes. Well, how does Brother John
pertain to Christ?

John was the...

..fourth wise man. Often overlooked.

I think only three of them,
in the end,

got the nod to visit
the Christ Child.

John was sleeping, hence the song.

Um...

So, let's give that a whirl,
shall we?

So, let's sing a round of
Are You Sleeping, Brother John?

And let's start over here. So...

# Are you sleeping...? #

# Are you sleeping, Brother John? #
Just this quarter, for now.

And then at the back.

# Are you sleeping...? # Ready?
# Are you sleeping, Brother John? #

And then... # Are you sleeping...?
Are you sleeping? #

And nice and loud, belt it out.

Chap in the felt hat.
# Are you sleeping...? #

And then, eyes closed.

Eyes...

Close your eyes.

SCRUNCHED closed
as if you're actually sleeping.

Peter knows what I'm talking about.

Eyes closed, little fella.

Even if I go quiet,
keep your eyes closed.

Keep singing.

# Morning bells are ringing... #
That's it.

# Morning bells are ringing

# Ding-dang-dong, ding-dang-dong
Brother John, Brother John

# Are you sleeping, are you sleeping
Morning bells are ringing

# Brother John, Brother John?
Ding-dang-dong, ding-dang-dong

# Morning bells are ringing
Morning bells are dinging... #

Let's go.
There's dead women everywhere!

We should have stayed on the cart.

There's a lynch mob.
They're maniacs. All of them.

I did tell you this before we came.

No, you jumped to a conclusion.

I arrived at a conclusion.

It just happens to be
it was the same conclusion.

# Morning bells are ringing
Morning bells are dinging

# Ding-dang-dong

# Morning bells are ringing
Morning bells are dinging

# Ding-dang-dong... #

We need to move
before anyone sees you.

You just don't want to lose
your chance

to impress the Witchfinder General!

I'm no good to you dead, am I?

You stay here,
you'll be cinders in an hour.

Do you want that?

Or do you want to take your chances
in Chelmsford? Chelmsford.

Going somewhere, Mr Bannister?
Do you know this woman?

Well, not... Well, this is...
His wife. Ah.

# They went into her father's hall

# Lay the bent to the bonnie broom

# To play the harp before them all

# Fa-la-la-la la-la-la la la la

# But as they laid it on a stone

# Lay the bent to the bonnie broom

# The harp began to play alone... #