All language subtitles for Monk_S04E05_Mr. Monk Gets Drunk.English (CC)

[mellow music plays]

[indistinct chatter over TV]

[shower running]

[whistling in shower]

Oh! [gasps]

Hello, Rudy.

Normally, I'd frisk you
to make sure you're not packing.

But in this case, I'll make an exception.

Do you know who I am?

Al Nicoletto.

It's a nice hotel, huh?

I killed a guy here in ninety… five?

Ninety-- '96?

'96. Memories.

[sharp exhale] I don't have the money.

I swear to God.

Well then, I'll just let you go, right?

Nobody who swears to God
could possibly be lying.

-[muffled gunshot]
-Ahh!

You and your partner stole $3.1 million
from our friends in Miami.

More or less.

They don't have the exact figure yet.

-[in pain] I don't have it!
-One holding account.

-Ben took the money!
-Ben Gruber, your partner, right?

That's right. We were supposed to meet up
next week, split the money.

Meet where?

[groans] I don't know. Ben was gonna call.

-Where is he?
-California. That's all I know.

[groans]

That postcard over there.

"Sit tight. I'll call next week."

[sobs] That's all I know.

-I swear.
-I got bad news for you, Rudy.

I believe you.

-[muffled gunshot]
-Ahh! [thuds]

["It's a Jungle Out There"
by Randy Newman plays]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care
Well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ You know what's in the water
That you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy
'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention
You'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention
Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

[upbeat jazz plays]

The winery's over there.
And this is the inn.

[Natalie] Oh, it's so beautiful.

-You come here every year?
-Mm-hmm.

I couldn't do it.

Mitch and I honeymooned in Paris.

I still haven't been back.

I have to come. I promised Trudy.

Oh… ooh! Well…

I am so looking forward to relaxing.

You know, reading a book. Taking a bath.

Oh, I may never leave that bathtub.

Uh, wait a minute. Let me get that one.

-[sharp exhale]
-Here you go.

[Monk grunts]

Thank you.

-Oh, oh, the mail.
-Pardon me?

I forgot to tell Kevin
to bring in the mail.

That's okay, I talked to him.

Maybe we should call him,
just to-- just to be sure.

Mr. Monk, I took care of it.
He's bringing in the mail.

What are you doing?

What, you don't believe me?
Why would I lie about something like that?

-To shut me up.
-Mr. Monk, I'm not a liar. I called him.

-Just to be sure.
-[beeps]

Mr. Monk, we are partners now.

That means we have to trust each other.

That is the rule, okay?

I have to trust you. You have to trust me.

No matter what we say.

You're right.

-I'm sorry.
-Okay.

-[door creaks, closes]
-[Monk] Oh, no.

-Oh, no.
-What?

[Monk] Oh, it's so different.

This is not at all the way I remember it.

-Feel better?
-A little.

Adrian!

Hello!

-Welcome back.
-Uh…

-Uh, welcome home. [chuckles]
-Hello, Sylvia.

Has it really been a year already?

Oh, you must be Natalie.

Welcome to wine country.

Sylvia Willis. Sylvia to my friends,

-whom I hope is everybody.
-[laughs]

Oh, Adrian, I've got your room all ready.

Your special pillows, special towels,

and your special soap.

And I hope you got my letter
about the rug.

Oh, yes. They had to replace
one of the rugs.

Oh, thank you for being so understanding.

Uh, would you sign in, please?

You're going to be in room 204

-at the top of the stairs.
-Oh, sure.

Sylvia, I want to apologize again
for last year--

Oh, don't mention it.
It's ancient history.

What happened last year?

Well, it's not worth mentioning.

We had a… mystery weekend.

And… we hired some actors

who were going to act out a little murder.

I'm really, really sorry.

And, uh, it was supposed to be
for three days.

And everybody paid in advance
for three days.

Adrian solved the case in--
What was it, 12 minutes?

Well, I-I knew that the general's daughter
was lying about meeting Churchill,

because Churchill wasn't knighted
until 1953.

Which meant that Reginald,
the limping chauffeur,

who supplied her alibi, was also lying.

So obviously, they were lovers

-who were planning to kill the sultan…
-Anyway, uh…

-…and steal the Arabian Emerald.
-We had to refund everybody's money.

No big deal.

But we learned our lesson.

No more mysteries
when Adrian Monk is in town.

This time, we're having a wine tasting.

Uh, do you enjoy wine, Natalie?

-A little more than I should.
-Oh, then you must join us.

-Uh, Adrian, you don't drink, do you?
-No.

Oh, good. Perfect.

Here are your keys.

You know the way.
Now, if you need anything, you just call.

Okay.

Natalie, I'm going to sit down here
for a little while.

It's sort of a tradition.

-You want some company?
-No, no, I'll--

I'll be fine. I won't be alone.

Okay.

Well, have a good night, Mr. Monk.

Get some rest.

[indistinct chatter]

Not a day goes by
when I don't think about you.

And I-I never feel as close to you as I do

when I'm here.

It's always--

Oh no, no-- Please, leave it. Please.

It's 1984?

Yes, sir. Allacco Cabernet, 1984.

-It had your name on it.
-It was my wife's favorite.

Thank you.

Thank you…

for marrying me.

What were you thinking?

[door creaks, closes]

[sighs]

[man laughs]
I'm sorry. That's probably me.

I was a little enthusiastic
with the Aqua Velva.

-You mind if I rest my cheeks?
-Actually--

Oh, well, if someone comes, I'll get up.

[whispers] I hate drinking alone.

-[speaks Spanish]
-Señor.

[speaks Spanish]

[chuckles]

Oh, I'm-I'm, uh, bilingual.

My mother was Venezuelan.

That means I can make an ass of myself
in two languages.

-[laughs]
-[watch beeps]

Excuse me. Pardon me, I'm sorry.

[grunts]

[pill clacks]

For my heart. [laughs] My old ticker.

Larry Zwibell.

Adrian Monk.

Adrian, nice to know you.
So what brings you here?

Are you here for the, uh,
what, the wine tasting?

No, I come every year.
It's kind of a tradition.

Oh, that's-- that's nice. Ah, please.

Mm.

[indistinct chatter]

Mm, mm-mm. Mm.

Oh, transcendent.

Like a meal in itself.

Oh, just think. A week ago,
I couldn't even afford a bottle of pop.

Oh, fabulous. Hmm.

Hey, are you all right?

I'm not much of a drinker.

Oh. [laughs] How many have you had?

-One bottle?
-One sip.

Oh. Well, if you wake up tomorrow

and you're still hammered,
you gotta come find me.

I'm in room 202 by the back staircase.

I got a great cure for a hangover.
It's 100% guaranteed.

[indistinct chatter]

Um… So, um, if you'll excuse me, I'm, uh…

I'm gonna teach these rubes
how to play some cards. [laughs]

Nice knowing you.

-Hello! Hello, everybody. Hi.
-Hello.

So, uh, what are you playing?

It's a friendly little game.

Oh, I thought you were playing poker.

-[laughter]
-Hey, is this seat taken?

-Go ahead, sit down.
-[groans]

-Thank you.
-[coughs]

I'm sorry, that's-- You know what?
That's probably the Aqua Velva.

Oh, my God, what'd you do?
Take a bath in it?

No, I didn't. But that's not a bad idea.
I'll try it next time. [laughs]

-Hey, Larry Zwibell.
-Hi.

Hi. I brought a couple friends with me.

-Maybe you'd all like to say hi.
-Oh.

-Huh?
-Bienvenue.

-Pierre Lecoste.
-Ah, bonjour, Pierre.

-Bonjour.
-Cal Gefsky, hi, how you doin'?

-This is my wife Heidi.
-[chuckles]

-Heidi.
-Wife. I just can't get used to that.

Oh, we just got married on Saturday.

[Larry] Congratulations.

-Dr. David Sobin.
-Ah. Nice to meet you.

He's a psychiatrist, you know.
So watch out for him.

A shrink? No, you're kidding.
Wait, hold on.

I got a great joke. Okay.
Have you guys heard this one?

A guy goes to a psychiatrist and he says,

"Doctor, my wife thinks
she's a refrigerator."

And the psychiatrist says,
"Well, just ignore her."

And the guy says, "I can't.
When she sleeps with her mouth open,

the little light
keeps me awake all night."

[laughter]

'Cause the wife…
Hey, Adrian, what, are you gonna give up?

Uh, I think so. Good night.

Oh, excuse me? Um, excuse me?

Um, before you go,
would you take our picture?

-Uh, sure.
-Oh, that's a good idea.

Okay.

Hold still.

-Hold-- hold still.
-[Heidi clears throat]

Ready…

Smile.

Wait, let-- let's stand
oldest to youngest.

So that would be you, then you,
then you, then you--

Mr. Monk. I will take the picture.

[beeps, clicks]

Oh, Mr. Monk.
I was just coming to get you.

-Shh.
-It's a beautiful day.

They have an amazing breakfast downstairs.

Shh!

Are you okay?

[groans]

Were you drinking?

Just… a little.

Not even a glass.

[groans]

Oh, oh, I met a guy. He's in 202.

He said he had a cure for this.

Uh, he said it was--
he said it was guaranteed.

-Oh, here, 202.
-202.

[groans]

Larry? It's-- it's Adrian from last night.

Hello?

Oh, I'm sorry. I-I was looking for Larry.

-Huh?
-Uh…

Did you switch rooms?

No, no, no.

Oh. Well, he said 202. At the back.

Wh-wh-who are you talking about?

Larry…

Larry Zwibell.

Uh, from last night.

-You played poker with him?
-Uh, no, no. You're mistaken.

You see, I don't know anybody
by this name.

Excusez-moi. Bonjour.

Oh, good morning. I hope you're hungry.

Hi, good morning.

Uh, we're looking for a guest.
A Larry Zwibell.

Who?

He checked in last night.
You remember? Room 202.

Adrian, nobody checked in yesterday

except for you and Natalie.

No. No, no, no. Sylvia. I talked to him.

H-he-- Larry Zwibell.

Uh, see for yourself.

He was here. I talked to him.

You have to believe me.

Okay.

There are three cars
in the parking lot, plus mine.

The same three cars
that were there last night.

Maybe he left.

But that wouldn't explain
why everybody's lying.

-Then why didn't he check in?
-He did check in.

He said room 202.

Look. We signed in
on the bottom of this page.

She could've removed the next page.

Why would she do that, Mr. Monk?

I don't know.

Something happened.

Something happened here.

Come on.

Are you sure you only had one drink?

Natalie,

I met him.

He-- he spoke Spanish.

And he reeked of Aqua Velva.

You believe me, right?

You said we have to believe each other.

You said that was the rule.

That's true.

That's true.

[clears throat]

Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you all.

But we're looking for a guest.
Larry Zwibell.

-He was here last night.
-Who?

[scoffs] I told you I never heard of him.

He played poker with you.

He told you that joke
about the psychiatrist.

The wife who thinks she's a refrigerator.

And the psychiatrist says,
"Just ignore it."

But the man says,
"I can't because when she sleeps

with her mouth open,

the little light inside her mouth
keeps me awake."

-[laughter]
-That's brilliant.

Why-why are you laughing?

Because it's funny.

B-b-but you already heard it.

You heard it last night.

-They already heard it.
-Maybe it's your delivery.

[sharp exhale] Did you notice
the French guy did this?

That's his tell.

I was watching him play poker last night.

Whenever he bluffed, he rubbed his nose.

I'm telling you,
he did it upstairs earlier too.

He's lying. They are all lying.
It's-- it's a conspiracy.

Mr. Monk, why?

They don't even know each other.

Ah.

-Ricardo.
-Señor?

[clears throat]

Ricardo, you remember my friend.

He was-- he was sitting with me
at that table right there.

He spoke Spanish to you.

He ordered the Degout Pinot.

I am sorry, Señor. There was no one there.
You were alone all night.

-Ricardo--
-Excuse me.

[birds chirping]

Well, you're getting an early start.

-[chuckles]
-The tasting doesn't begin until noon.

-May I?
-Sure.

-Oh, they make this here.
-Mm.

They just released it this morning.

And how is it?

It's good. It's, uh, it's sweet.

But it has a, um…

It has a weird aftertaste to it.

-[exhales]
-Do you taste it?

No, not really.

I'm a little bit worried
about your friend.

I'm a psychiatrist,
and I saw him yesterday

talking to an empty chair.

Oh, yeah, he does that.

His wife died eight years ago.
He talks to her.

Mrs. Willis said
he used to be a detective.

He was discharged?

May I ask, why is he here?

Well, it's his anniversary,
and they honeymooned here, so…

So. This is probably
a time of stress for him.

Does he handle stress well?

No. He handles stress unwell.

Lonely children will sometimes
make up a person in their minds.

Uh, an imaginary friend, if you will.

I've seen it a lot in my practice.
I've seen adults do it too.

Well, you don't know Adrian Monk.
He's a great detective.

The police don't make a move
without talking to him first.

I don't know what's going on here.

But if he says he met a man
named Larry Zwibell,

then he met a man named Larry Zwibell.

Oh. This is interesting.

There's nothing upstairs.

What's going on?

Um…

excuse me.

[Natalie] What do you think?

About what?

The signature.

The painter.

He has the same name as…

As my hallucination?

Hey, I didn't say that.

Now, Mr. Monk, you gotta admit,

it looks kinda bad.

People might think that you…

saw the name and…

made up a person.

Or…

the man I met

saw the name on that painting

and decided to use it for himself.

The camera.

Natalie, they took a photo last night.

A-a-a group photo.

And he was in it.

And this is our 2002 Cabernet Sauvignon.

I think you'll like it.
It's slightly softer

and more tannic than the Merlot.

-We've got to get that camera.
-Okay.

You stay here.

-Ah, will you be joining us?
-Yes.

-Good. The more the merrier.
-Thank you.

Next, we're going to try the Syrah.

Now, the Syrah comes
from our very own grapes

in the east vineyard.

What are you drinking?

Uh, it's the, uh, the Sierra Springs.

How is it?

It's exquisite.

Is this… your first wine tasting?

I'll explain what they're doing.

There are five steps.
We call them the five Ss.

-Mm-hmm.
-See, swirl, sniff, sip, and spit.

Now, they're on step one.
How does the wine look?

Is it rich in color?
Does it react with the light?

Excuse me. Uh, what was that last one?

Uh, step five.

Spit.

So, th-th-they're going to be… spitting?

That's it.

-Mmm, I can hold your camera for you.
-Oh, I'm good.

-Now they're on step three.
-Oh, step three.

Sniffing. You smell the wine.
Inhale deeply.

Do you smell the fruit or the herbs?

Uh, so that means, really,
there's only two steps left

until the… spitting.

-That's right.
-Uh, all-- all at once?

All of them spitting on the porch here?
Uh, with me on the porch?

-Now they're sipping.
-Sipping?

So spitting is next. Oh, God.
Oh, here it comes.

[groans]

[Monk] Ahh!

[laughter]

This is so much fun, isn't it?

How about a group shot?
A little newlywed group shot.

-I'll take it.
-Oh, maybe later.

Oh, my God.

-It's a kissing fern.
-A what?

Yeah. They're called kissing ferns.

It's supposed to be good luck
for newlyweds to kiss underneath one.

Haven't you heard that song?

♪ Kiss me under the kissing fern, baby ♪

-Mm… Yeah.
-Fern… yeah, yeah, okay, yeah.

-[Heidi chuckles]
-Yeah, okay, well, in that case, uh…

[Natalie clears throat]

Yeah.

Here? Ready?

Oh, wow. You don't get it.
It's so cute. Let me take a picture.

-Gotta get a great angle here.
-[beeping]

You can… take the picture.

-[beeping]
-♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Underneath the kissin' fern ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ The hanging plant ♪

-♪ The hanging plant ♪
-♪ Ba boom boom boom ♪

-♪ Of love ♪
-♪ Ba ba ba ba boom ♪

♪ The kissing… ♪

[Natalie grunts]

You'll feel better when you get home.

We'll call Dr. Kroger.

It's Saturday.

We'll call Dr. Kroger.

Natalie, I met him.

I talked to him.

He was so real.

How could I-- How could I be so wrong?

I'm never taking another drink
as long as I live.

Mr. Monk, some people
just have no tolerance.

I used to work in a bar.
I saw it all the time.

You had two sips.

That's like ten shots to a normal person.

Thank you.

Hey, folks, how you doing?

Listen, I'm looking for my brother.
He's gone missing.

Have you seen him?

That's him!

-That's the guy!
-You know him?

I-I met him last night!

Really?

That's him!

Wanna tell me about it?

I don't know what he told you, you know.
His real name is Ben Gruber.

Our mother's been worried sick about him.

Thank God!

I thought I was losing my mind.

I knew he was into wine,
so I've been checking all the vineyards

and the little hotels in the area.

-And you're his brother?
-Allen, Allen Gruber. Pleasure.

-Hi, Natalie Teeger.
-Natalie.

This is Adrian Monk.

Let me get this straight.

Everybody here is pretending
they never met him?

Everyone.

Oh… poor kid.
He's gotta be scared to death.

Why?

He stole some money

from a bank that he works for, right?

And he took off.

I talked to the local DA
and she said, you know,

they'd go easy on him
if he turned himself in.

That's why I'm here. I figured,

you know, if I showed up,
maybe I could find him.

Maybe I could talk him
into returning the money.

How much did he take?

-$3.1 million.
-[both] Whew!

Although it sounds like
he's spending some of it already.

He's been paying people off
to say they've never heard of him.

You think he's still here?
I mean, why would he stay?

What was he driving?

'86 Buick, last I heard.

What are the odds?

An '86 Buick.

Well, it can't be his.

This car has been here forever.

Mmm, I don't think so.

There's a dent here, but no rust.

And there's no rust in the wheel wells.

This car hasn't been here long.

So he's still here somewhere.

Well, he's not in that house.

And we call this the barrel room.

These containers
are filled with 60 gallons

of our world-famous Chardonnay.

It's gonna age in these containers
for exactly 11 months.

I like to think of it as a living thing.

Like a baby growing
inside a mother's womb.

Mr. Gruber! I thought we'd lost you.

Oh, sorry. I just got turned around.

If you follow me, we're literally
gonna be stepping back in time.

Wine stomping, it's a tradition
that goes back thousands of years

to the Greeks.

We're one of the last vineyards
in California

that at least makes
some of their wine using this method.

-Mm-hmm.
-[liquid splashing]

[Monk] Oh, my God.

Do people actually drink that?

Yeah, I think so.

Are they insane?

Go, ask her if they're insane.
Just ask her.

I'm not gonna ask her that, Mr. Monk.

And of course we can't press
all of our wine like this.

It would take too long.

But we do make one label
using this method.

-The Allacco Cabernet.
-Aah!

It can be bought from our store out front.

Uh…

[Monk] I can't believe
that's the Allacco Cabernet.

[Natalie] I know, just take it easy.

I've been drinking that wine for 15 years.
It's foot wine!

-I can taste it.
-Oh… come on! You cannot taste it.

I-I-I can. I can taste the feet now.

I can taste-- And the toes.

-And what's between the toes.
-And the fungus.

-It really is barbaric.
-Okay, I didn't see any fungus.

Look, I'm sure they have clean feet.

There are probably rules about that stuff.

Okay, I admit it.
That's pretty disgusting.

Saw a vending machine back there.
You want a soda?

Excuse me?

To wash your mouth out. You want a soda?

Ah, that would be great. Thanks.

Tome su tiempo.

What?

It means, "Take your time."

Right.

[whispering] Natalie.

Natalie, he's lying.

This guy and the man I met last night
are not brothers.

He just said "soda."

And Zwibell, Gruber, or whatever
his name is, said "pop."

And he was bilingual.
This guy doesn't speak a word of Spanish.

They could not have grown up
in the same house.

Okay, I need to find out who he really is.

Listen… can you break into his car?

Can I break into his car?

-Yes, I can.
-Okay.

I'll keep him busy.
I'll take him to the bar.

Try to get him drunk.

Uh, loosen him up.
Maybe he'll make a misstep.

-Wait, wait, wait. You're gonna drink?
-Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.

Hi.

I'm sitting with my friend over there.

He would like a bottle
of your house white.

-Okay.
-And, uh,

do you have any non-alcoholic wine?

We have a very nice Claret. Zero alcohol.

-No alcohol at all.
-That's what I said.

I'll have that.

Could you put it in a carafe?

-Uh-huh.
-You don't have to bring the bottle.

You got it. We'll bring it over to you.

[coin clinks]

Table twelve needs a bottle
of the house white.

And a carafe of that Claret.

[woman] You got it.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

I do appreciate you
taking such an interest, Mr. Monk.

Oh, well, I have a brother too.

I'd be worried sick
if anything happened to him.

So… to your brother.

Wherever the hell he is.

Thirsty boy.

Catch me if you can. [low grunt]

[Monk] Do you have a lot of friends?

I'll bet you do.

Sometimes I…

turn on the TV.

And I turn the sound way down…

And… I pretend that they're talking to me.

And everybody likes me.

"Adrian."

"Welcome back.
Oh, we're so happy to see you."

"We are so happy to see you."

I'll bet you have a lot of friends.

You look like a moose.

[laughs] You do.

I'm gonna call you

Mr. Luke Like-a-Moose.

[laughing] Luke Like-a-Moose.

So, about your brother…

I'm sorry about the moose thing…

Hey! Wait, wait, whoa. Whoa, wait, wait.
First, listen. What song is this?

[whistling]

Al Nicoletto.

Captain Stottlemeyer, please.
It's important.

-[clattering]
-[Monk mumbling]

Maybe you've had enough, Mr. Monk.

No. No, no, no, no. Um… I'm fine.

I'm fine. [groans]

Isn't this great?

Just a couple of guys
sitting in a revolving restaurant.

Ah, I love that.

[breathless] Hey.

Mr. Monk, could I just talk to you
for a second in private?

[laughs]

[Natalie feigning laughter]

That's it.

[Monk laughing hysterically]

Mr. Monk, come on, come on.

-[laughing]
-Come on.

-Ha-ha!
-You're drunk!

-[laughing] No, it's non-alcoholic.
-[groans]

[Monk laughing]

I got him right where I want him!
Look! I'm winking.

Okay, Mr. Monk, listen to me!
You were right,

his name isn't Gruber.
It's Al Nicoletto, Jr.

He has five arrests,
no convictions. [groans]

-He's a contract killer.
-Al, is this true?

Yes or no, is this true?

-[machine whirs]
-[Monk mumbles]

[Natalie] I already called the police!

They're on their way,
so don't do anything stupid.

[Al] Don't you do anything stupid.

And so it is agreed!

And let the word go forth
that nobody will do anything stupid.

-Let's go, let's go. What are you doing?
-Oh, you'll thank me later.

-Forget the bottle!
-[grunting]

Ahh!

[grunting]

-Uhh! Mr. Monk, hit him!
-With what?

-Aah! The bottle! [grunts]
-Which one?

-[both grunting]
-It doesn't matter!

[grunting]

-Ahh!
-[thuds]

[Monk groans]

-Oh, my God.
-[grunts]

Oh, God. I almost had
a heart attack. Oh, God.

Heart attack.

[Stottlemeyer] Yeah, I'd say
he's pretty important.

The feds are sending a private plane
to pick him up.

It's 9mm.

Ben Gruber's partner
was found shot to death

in his hotel room in New York City
five days ago.

Now, I'm betting
that those bullets match this gun.

They got him.

Watch the feds take all the credit.

[Disher] Captain…

You have got to see this.

Monk's in there doing
one of his summation things.

He's wasted.

When I hear-- when I heard N-n-nat'lie…

say she almost had a heart attack…

I remember, I remembered that…

Larry Zwibell,
a.k.a. also known as Ben Gruber…

[whispering] …was taking heart medicine.

Cappy!

[grunts] Ladies and gentlemen,

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.

Homicide!

Show-- show 'em your badge.

Show it. Show 'em-- show-- show it.

-Show it.
-Monk--

I solved the case.

Good. Good, good, good. Let's, let's, um…

-Okay. Show--
-Let's let these people

-go up to their rooms, okay?
-W-where's your gun?

-He's got a gun.
-Monk…

Oh, no! No, no, no, no!
No, no, no. You don't understand.

No, no, no. These are the suspects!

Oh, yeah.

They're all in on it.

-Well, what did they do?
-What did they-- Look at them!

I mean, look!

Oh, look at 'em! Okay. Okay.

They may not look like
cold-blooded killers,

but they're, uh… ooh…

Heh, they're criminals.

Yeah. They're criminals.

Criminal.

Criminals.

-[thuds]
-[gasps] Mr. Monk!

They're criminals, I'm telling ya!

Oh, yeah.

We're gonna need a big 'ol paddy wagon.

Do they still have… paddy wagons?

Here you go, Mr. Monk.
Please, please drink this coffee.

-Okay.
-[softly] Be careful.

Okay.

-Cup o' Joe. Keep that warm.
-No, no, no.

Here's what happened.

I went to bed around 10:00.

They were still playing poker.

Gruber must have needed more cash,

so he went upstairs to get it.

I went to bed around 10:00.

They were all still playing the poker.

[Stottlemeyer] Monk!

We've heard this part already.

Cappy! Cappy, you made it.

Ohh… ohh…

How you doing?

I…

I…

I love you.

I just…

-Uh…
-[laughing nervously]

I love you too, Monk.

You just-- you just got…

You…

-Let's go sleep it off.
-And thank, thank-- thanks for the…

-What?
-Thanks for the…

-Look at that.
-[chuckles]

-What's that thing?
-[both chuckle]

All right, come here. Come here a minute.

-I'm gonna get me one.
-Up to bed.

-Okay.
-Well, he--

See, Gruber never came back.

They got worried
and decided to go upstairs

and check on him!

They found Ben Gruber dead.

He was dead from a heart attack.

And cash… $3.1 million.

They must've figured somebody
would be coming around looking for it.

That's the kind of money
people come looking for.

What to do? What to do?

Well, they decided to hide the body
and split the money!

If anybody asked,

they were gonna pretend
they never heard of him.

Hold on.

Uhh. [sniffs]

Here's what happened.

[indistinct]

-[Monk] They got rid of Gruber's car.
-[shouts]

[Monk] Then, they removed the page
with his signature from the guest book

and retook the group photo without him.

He was gone.

It was like he never existed.

-[camera shutter clicks]
-Gone like a ghost.

Did you find the money?

Not yet.

He says there was a conspiracy,
and we all took the money.

I say this character Gruber
junked his own car,

took the cash, and hitchhiked to Mexico.

Can you prove I'm wrong?

Nope. He's right.

Without a body, we don't have a case.

-[Monk snoring]
-Monk…

-[snoring softly]
-Monk!

[snoring]

Okay, um…

I guess you're all free to go.

Lieutenant, take everybody's address.
Make sure it's a valid ID.

Yes, sir. If everybody can just follow me.

We're sorry about the inconvenience.

God, what is it?

-What is what?
-This is their new wine.

They bottle it next door.
But it has this funky, weird aftertaste,

and I cannot put my finger on it. Here.

[sniffs]

Smells like Aqua Velva.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

It's Aqua Velva.

It's Aqua Velva.

[Monk] It's Aqua Velva…

-[Pierre] It was your lady's idea!
-It wasn't my idea!

[Natalie] What's gonna happen to them?

[Stottlemeyer] They didn't kill anybody
so they'll probably be home soon.

Well, he's a real party animal.

-[Natalie chuckles]
-Okay…

You drive safely, Natalie.

-We'll see you around campus.
-Okay, thank you, Captain. I will.

Happy Anniversary, Adrian.

Sorry I didn't believe you.

[engine starts]

["It's a Jungle Out There" plays]