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1
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,238
I can't help it!
2
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:37,074
What's a healthy young lad
got to think about, anyway?
3
00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:39,618
It's all I can do is think.
4
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,245
Cor!
5
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,748
Knickers! I'm knicker obsessed.
6
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:47,877
It's one of my troubles.
I'll have to learn to control it.
7
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,421
I must take up... Ooh!
8
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:55,301
Uh, sewing, or knitting,
or crochet work.
9
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:57,803
I wonder how you get into a monastery.
10
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,264
Three "A" levels, probably.
Same as anywhere else.
11
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:04,143
You see, Doctor,
I've got this constant problem.
12
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,271
Cor!
13
00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:11,442
Well, it's just a bit of
carnal fancying, really.
14
00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:15,779
But, if the bus was to go on forever,
full of birds,
15
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,324
with me the only bloke,
16
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,367
which order would I have 'em in?
17
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,662
One.
18
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,289
Two.
19
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,000
You'll be three.
20
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,461
Four.
21
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,717
Five. Six.
22
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,806
- Mind out! Oh!
- Oh!
23
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:46,810
Ooh, you bloody nit!
You've nearly broken me arm!
24
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,854
What about me, then?
Look at my groceries.
25
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,856
Don't tell me about
your bloody groceries.
26
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,861
You should look where
you're bloody going first.
27
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,027
Bloody stupid groceries and things.
28
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,029
- Are you all right?
- Well, yeah.
29
00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,323
Oh, good.
30
00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:02,243
I'll pick them up.
31
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,206
Hey, you're Linda Spate, aren't you?
32
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:11,001
That's right. I was in Miss Hoskins'
class when you were in Mr Allwright's.
33
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:12,503
That's right.
34
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,715
- Don't times change.
- What?
35
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,343
Oh, look!
36
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,762
- This one's a bit dirty.
- Aren't we all.
37
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,515
Still, there's no flies on a banana.
38
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,268
- But you know where they've been.
- You what?
39
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,353
Don't you know the advert
Unzip a Banana?
40
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,021
It's just a phallic symbol.
41
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:33,274
Ooh! What's a fallis kimble?
42
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:35,234
Phallic symbol.
43
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,736
It's something that stands
for something else.
44
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,448
No, that's a fallacy.
45
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:42,908
Get it?
46
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,285
It was a joke.
47
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,369
It was a joke.
48
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,790
I'm sorry I bumped into you.
49
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,126
Oh! Well, no hard feelings, then.
50
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,711
That's what you think.
51
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:57,131
Well, I'm still in one piece.
I'll see you, all right.
52
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,637
Fancy fancying runny old Linda.
53
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:06,056
Dim little girl from secondary modern
54
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,601
and brilliant 17-year-old
from grammar school,
55
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,603
I'll be had up. It against the law.
56
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,488
Here's your Rice Krispies, Mona.
57
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,532
I said puffed wheat.
58
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,909
And it's Miss Cartwright to you.
59
00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,133
You going to have that
nose job done, then?
60
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,415
I've decided to go to Majorca instead.
61
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,875
Where's my tea?
62
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:37,796
Phwoah!
63
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,509
Mona is a dead loss.
64
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,053
I'll stick to Mary Poppins.
65
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:52,519
It's Mary. Mary Gloucester.
66
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,190
Okay, this is it.
67
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,401
What if she doesn't know me?
68
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,654
Or pretends not to know me?
69
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,575
What can I say?
70
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,787
"Care to partake of a coffee?"
71
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,581
Terrible.
72
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,459
What would Spike say?
73
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,212
"Let's go, girl. I haven't got all day."
74
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,298
I can't talk like that.
75
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,928
Must be the first time I've seen her
without ten million blokes around her.
76
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,764
Okay. This is it.
77
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,684
Can I offer you a lift?
78
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,605
I was told not to accept strange lifts
from strange men in strange cars.
79
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,107
Whoever told you that?
80
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,918
You got it wrong.
They shouldn't have said that.
81
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,360
Ooh! Sorry!
82
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,446
- Um, say, um...
- What are you doing with a bike, anyway?
83
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,824
Oh, just taking it for a ride.
Needs the exercise.
84
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,511
- The tyres are getting fat.
- That's no way to talk about a friend.
85
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:52,663
Say, how about a coffee, then?
Um, perk you up a bit.
86
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,332
Perk me up a bit.
Perk us both up together.
87
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,460
Oh, I'm... Oh, do you know Claire?
She's my best friend.
88
00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,711
- Hello.
- Hello.
89
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:04,591
They always have some lousy friend
and they must introduce them.
90
00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,177
Jamie has invited us for a coffee.
91
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,929
I thought we were going for aubergines?
92
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:12,057
Aubergines?
She seems a nice class of person.
93
00:07:12,141 --> 00:07:13,851
How did you know my name, then?
94
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,394
How did you know my name?
95
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:20,607
Terribly sorry, Mary.
Tyler was late with the car.
96
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,443
Tony, where have you been?
I've been dying for a coffee.
97
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:27,197
Well, it ran out of petrol.
Hi, Claire. Hello, Jamie.
98
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,116
I've got to go.
99
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,869
- Bye, Jamie.
- Bye-bye.
100
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:43,130
My big chance to speak to her
for the first time and I wasted it.
101
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,425
I'm an idiot
and I don't know what to say.
102
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,385
Spike would know.
103
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,722
He's chatting them into bed,
and I can't even chat "hello".
104
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,558
They should have correspondence courses.
105
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,394
"Teach yourself to chat."
106
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,521
"Dear Unknown Teacher,
107
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:02,441
"what I really want,
to get myself started,
108
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,319
"is to be seduced by an older woman.
109
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,279
"Like in Somerset Maugham.
110
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,448
"Young, sensitive, attractive boy
111
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:13,577
"is introduced to sex by
beautiful, mature woman of 28."
112
00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:34,014
I wonder where they keep these
beautiful, ripe, experienced women
113
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,391
who are letching after young lads?
114
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:39,519
Probably locked up with guard dogs.
115
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,940
And Somerset never
worried about protectives.
116
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,483
Just straight to it.
117
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,527
I don't know.
Must have been different in those days.
118
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:52,366
All the men must have been impotent,
or eunuchs, or something.
119
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:58,705
Oh ta, Jamie.
Here, I got a penny for you.
120
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,541
- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks very much. Ciao.
121
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,296
After all it is so easy
to take precautions these days.
122
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,632
Perhaps I'm slow.
123
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,634
Maybe it's up to me
to make the advances.
124
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,636
Daddy!
125
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:16,390
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
126
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:25,732
- Oh, come in, Jamie.
- Hello, Mrs Kelly.
127
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,277
- Shall I put it in your kitchen?
- Yeah.
128
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,404
I'll be ready for you in a minute.
129
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,739
"Ready for me?"
130
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,493
After the Somerset Maughams,
she's gone for the key of her negligee.
131
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,829
Hey. Maybe she's waiting for me.
132
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,503
- Huh?
- Yes, well, sorry, Mr Kelly.
133
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:49,840
Half a dollar, Jamie.
For your time and trouble.
134
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:53,343
No trouble at all, Mrs Kelly.
Absolutely none.
135
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:02,185
- Are you going drinking tonight, Spike?
- Nah, not me, mate.
136
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,854
Not on a Saturday night.
137
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,023
I've got to satisfy
my other appetites, eh?
138
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,816
I presume you're doing the same?
139
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,526
Yeah, sure.
140
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,862
What do you mean "Yeah, sure"?
141
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,948
- Hey, who is it?
- Uh...
142
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:17,534
- A little bird I ran into this morning.
- Who?
143
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,870
- Come on. What's her name?
- Linda.
144
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,873
Yeah. That's right. Linda.
145
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,458
What?
146
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,626
Runny old Linda?
147
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,171
Still at your lousy job, then?
148
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,380
Yeah, I need the lousy money.
149
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,942
Give us a lift there on your crossbar.
150
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,135
Do you mind?
Really spoil me chances forever?
151
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,678
All right. The basket will do.
152
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,514
- You'll break it.
- Rubbish. There you are.
153
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,809
Well, runny old Linda.
154
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,394
What, with the big biddies?
155
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:45,896
Yeah. That's the one.
156
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:48,315
You make sure you don't let
the ol' team down, mate.
157
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,233
You've got a mind like a sewer.
158
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,569
Don't give us that.
It's all you're after.
159
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,237
It's all anyone's after.
160
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,406
It's the "fors" versus
the "againsts", mate.
161
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,158
And we "fors" are winning.
162
00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,534
You make it sound like a battle.
163
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:03,038
Well, it's not sunny stories, you know.
That's what you think it is, don't you?
164
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,915
You're waiting for it to be all special.
165
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,709
All hearts and lace and flowers.
166
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,836
By appointment to Her Majesty.
167
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,006
What are you saving yourself up for?
You 13 carat gold or something?
168
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:16,736
No, mate. You want to
get in there when you can.
169
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,012
- Oh, yeah?
- It's not that important any more.
170
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:22,933
Hey, you want old Spike
to come and hold your hand, eh?
171
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:26,269
Not unless it's small and dainty,
which it ain't. Oi!
172
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,064
Hey, look out!
173
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,817
- Oh, that was stupid!
- I've got it.
174
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,835
Oh, mum!
You've ironed creases into this collar
175
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,753
instead of taking them out.
176
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,965
Joe, put that down.
I can't hear myself iron.
177
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,258
Drop dead.
178
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,635
Turns a pretty phrase, does our Joe.
179
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,241
Mum, you haven't been
wearing this shirt, have you?
180
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,308
There's porridge all over it.
181
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:07,102
Mum?
182
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,981
God! It's like talking to a brick wall.
183
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,775
The sooner she gets
her Ph.D., the better.
184
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,820
Oh, Jamie, iron the Daily Express.
Here's a good lad.
185
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:18,363
Anything else?
186
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,007
Yes, you better do the Daily Mirror,
as well.
187
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,033
You know how Dad likes it neat and tidy.
188
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,494
Okay. Hurry up and make my tea.
189
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:25,805
And if it's the ham salad again,
190
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,290
I'm off to the tea room,
'cause I'm starving.
191
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,000
Want, want, want!
192
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,668
What did your last maid die of?
193
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,336
Not that joke, Mum.
194
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,548
I could do with a maid in this house.
195
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:48,059
- Mum, where's my tea?
- I've made you a lovely salad.
196
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,020
I don't know why I make all these meals.
197
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,688
All you do is eat them.
198
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,491
All right. It's 5:00.
199
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:03,968
Nobody speak. Everybody to their places.
200
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,328
- I'm going.
- Jamie?
201
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,555
- I'm off, too.
- Off?
202
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,299
Oh, Dad, I've done it
for the last 15 years.
203
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:10,540
Joe can do it on his own.
204
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,375
You sit down. Both of you.
205
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,345
In tonight's programme...
206
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,347
Wireless has had it, Dad. It's worn out.
207
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,683
I'll wear you out. Once you get
those results, then I'll keep quiet.
208
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,352
All you have to do.
209
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,896
Championship cricket
from Gillingham and Leicester
210
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:37,108
and in between whiles, all the other
outstanding news of the day.
211
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,778
Here are today's classified results.
212
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,613
League division one.
213
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,408
Arsenal, 2. Fulham, 0.
214
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:49,913
Chelsea, 3. West Ham, 2.
215
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:53,458
You fool, woman.
216
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,395
Oh, Dad, I just remembered.
I've got to go. I got a date.
217
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,296
Shh! Not you as well as your mother.
218
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,965
Let him go. Poor lad's got a date.
219
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,210
Look, all I want is silence.
220
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,301
All Jamie wants is a bit of crumpet.
221
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,595
Be quiet, and don't hit your brother.
222
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,266
Oh, look! All over Mr Bumble.
223
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,518
Blast Mr Bumble.
224
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:15,355
I only ask it once a week.
I just want you all to keep quiet.
225
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,025
Wolves, 3.
226
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,152
Southampton, 5.
227
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,446
- Oh, that was lovely.
- Burnley, 0.
228
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:29,119
♪ All things bright and beautiful
229
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:33,123
♪ All creatures great and... ♪
230
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,042
Oh, Dad, I am sorry.
231
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,794
- I forgot.
- Birmingham, 4.
232
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,838
Rotherham, 3.
233
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,507
You forgot?
234
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,050
That's it! No more!
235
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,303
Oh, look, Dad. Don't upset yourself.
236
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,014
No, it doesn't matter.
It's too late. It's too late!
237
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,810
I don't ask much,
but you've all done it now. You've...
238
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,687
You've spoiled yourselves.
239
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,355
My family.
240
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,366
Oh, you're all in here, Jamie.
241
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,136
Dad, if it's going to be about
the birds and the bees,
242
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,661
wait till I've finished shaving, eh?
243
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,997
Dad, the door. I'm freezing.
244
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,876
And watch me transistor.
245
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,377
I want to talk to you, Joe.
246
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:20,920
I want to hear what's top.
247
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:23,715
The music is far too loud, anyway.
Your mother is reading.
248
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,258
Don't switch it off, Dad.
249
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,010
It ought to cover your embarrassment
250
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:30,180
while you tell Jamie about
not getting girls into trouble.
251
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,392
Exactly.
But you are not to speak to a girl.
252
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,563
Your mother says that
you weren't in till 2:30 last night.
253
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,399
- Where were you?
- Out.
254
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,836
And she says that your clothes were
all muddy, as if you've been
255
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,904
rolling about in a ploughed field.
256
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,948
That's right.
I'm doing a bit of a nature study.
257
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,409
Well, watch it, that's all.
You hear what I say?
258
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,911
- Watch it.
- Yes, Dad.
259
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:56,164
Well, watch it.
260
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,049
What were you doing then,
in a ploughed field?
261
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,343
Don't you start.
You're worse than him.
262
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,303
So, what were you doing?
263
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,305
I'm only 16. You tell me.
264
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,891
- What's that smell?
- My feet. What do you think?
265
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:28,196
Me own brother. Casanova at 16
and me, still a celibate monk.
266
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,324
The whole country's having it off,
and it's like I'm a leper.
267
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:34,536
Where's me bell? Unclean.
268
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,163
Perhaps I've got BO.
269
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,167
I wonder what Mary's doing.
270
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,461
That stuck-up looking jerk.
271
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,171
"Father's car."
272
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,173
Still, I did actually talk to her.
273
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,635
Well, here we are at runny old Linda's.
274
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,595
What am I doing here?
275
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,264
As if I didn't know?
276
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,850
Not a nice class of person around here.
277
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,519
Oh, my God! There she is!
278
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,858
Well, I wish I'd thought of
some other name with Spike.
279
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,569
What if some of my mates
see me with her?
280
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,780
What if Spike sees me without her?
281
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,327
I think I'll go to the pub for a drink.
282
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,334
Well, here she is. This is it.
283
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,797
Hey, you, Jamie McGregor.
Where's your bike?
284
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,341
- Well, I don't wear it all the time.
- Oh.
285
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,469
Well, we've got to get me daddy's chips.
286
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,637
Just what I hoped we'd do.
287
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,228
- Yes, please.
- Cod and chips, please.
288
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,063
Make that twice, love, please.
289
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,859
- Evening, darling.
- Four sixes and three fish.
290
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,194
Right-o.
291
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:53,656
Or was it three sixes and four fish?
292
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,284
What are you doing
without your computer, darling?
293
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,454
No. It was four sixes and three fish.
294
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:03,625
And don't be so cheeky.
I got Jamie here to see me home.
295
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,376
Well, good old Jamie.
296
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,801
I never tire of fish, eh. Do you?
297
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:14,886
No. I never tire of fish.
298
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,806
I tire of meat.
Oh, I do tire of meat.
299
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,517
Oh, yeah. I tire of meat.
300
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,603
I tire of meat
and I tire of chicken,
301
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,605
but I never tire of fish.
302
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,441
No.
I never tire of fish.
303
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:29,943
- No.
- No.
304
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,370
Six and six please, darling.
305
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,288
Here, Jamie, hold these.
306
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,333
And don't be picking at them
with your fingers, either.
307
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,593
Oh, look. I lost one of me bobbles.
308
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,429
If we went for a walk, we might find it.
309
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:01,099
Well, I have to
take me daddy's chips first.
310
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,021
Oh, sphere of mystery,
311
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,482
what magic will you
weave for us tonight?
312
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:16,155
Here,
does your mum wear contact lenses?
313
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,199
- Your what?
- Your mum.
314
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,743
Does she wear them contact lenses?
315
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,663
Oh. Only over her glass eye.
316
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,498
- Really?
- Yeah.
317
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,126
Sit down, eh.
318
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:35,008
You're hands are warm.
I thought you said you weren't warm.
319
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,926
Warm hands, cold heart.
320
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,720
Do you believe that then, Jamie?
321
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,972
No. You got it wrong.
Warm hands, warm heart.
322
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,099
Cold hands, cold crotch.
323
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:45,727
Never heard that one before.
324
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,562
What does crotch mean?
325
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,522
Well, it's sort of...
326
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,959
What shall we say? It's the difference
between the top of your legs
327
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,735
and the bottom of your bottom.
328
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,529
- It's right here.
- Here! Do you mind?
329
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,072
I was only just showing you!
330
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,033
- Well, don't!
- Sorry.
331
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:10,460
Isn't it a beautiful night?
332
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:12,378
Just look at them stars.
333
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:21,804
I wonder if the people up there
are wondering if the people down here
334
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,307
are wondering about the people up there?
335
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:27,101
But imagine putting them in your eyes?
336
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,980
- What?
- Contact lenses.
337
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,566
Makes me sick just thinking.
338
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:37,487
One of them fell in her soup yesterday.
She swallowed it.
339
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,405
Got it back, though, later in the day.
340
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:40,657
Oh!
341
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,460
Oh! What am I wasting me time for?
342
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:55,505
Two hours,
I'm freezing raw and stiff as hell,
343
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,341
she just stands there
like an Egyptian mummy.
344
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,902
Oh, that tickles.
345
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,081
My hands have always been warm.
346
00:22:12,123 --> 00:22:13,624
I sweat a lot.
347
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:15,418
You should feel me feet.
348
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:18,880
- Right. Off we go.
- Here, Jamie!
349
00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:20,858
- What do you think you're doing?
- I fancy myself real well.
350
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,359
- I've had enough!
- Why are you leaving me alone?
351
00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:23,801
- Bloody charming!
- Half-witted!
352
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:27,263
- I'm just glad nobody's seeing this.
- You're stupid, that's what you are.
353
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,937
Oh, Jamie! You mustn't!
354
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:37,148
Ooh, Jamie! Ooh!
355
00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:39,942
- Ooh, Jamie!
- It's Mary! All alone!
356
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:43,738
I could be with her, and here
I am stuck with this runny thing.
357
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,281
Ooh, Jamie!
358
00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:49,952
Spike!
359
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:52,163
She really must have no taste.
360
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:55,416
A smashing bloke like me
just waiting to be asked,
361
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:58,419
and she lets herself be picked up
by that phony lecherous jerk.
362
00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:00,505
Jamie! Ooh!
363
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,966
Now, what are you lying there for,
you stupid bitch?
364
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,638
You've thrown me in the cow crap,
that's what you've done.
365
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,808
Here's your rotten bobble.
366
00:23:13,184 --> 00:23:14,453
Where do you think you're going?
367
00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:15,937
You take me in the bloody park,
368
00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:18,290
and then you throw me
in the thing, don't you, on the floor,
369
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:19,816
and you just throw me in things...
370
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:23,152
It seems so unfair.
371
00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:26,364
The ones you fancy, don't fancy you.
372
00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:29,826
And the ones who fancy you,
you don't fancy.
373
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:31,119
Period.
374
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,789
I suppose you carry on
till you half fancy someone
375
00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:37,166
and they half fancy you,
376
00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:41,879
and then when you're really old,
about 25, you get married.
377
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,673
And that's marriage.
378
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:47,510
When unlike poles
don't repel each other too much.
379
00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:50,138
All nice and respectable.
380
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:53,307
Pictures, Monday. TV, Tuesday.
381
00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:55,351
She washes her hair Wednesday.
382
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,311
You wash yours Thursday.
383
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:59,021
Friday, dancing.
384
00:23:59,564 --> 00:24:00,982
Like a bloody treadmill.
385
00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:07,363
- Hey!
- Hey!
386
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:09,365
- Hey! Hey!
- Come on!
387
00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:10,607
What were you doing with Mary?
388
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:13,512
How long have you been going out with
her? I didn't even know you knew her.
389
00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:14,954
Simmer down.
390
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:17,707
Look, why should I tell you
anything about a bird you don't date?
391
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:20,376
And not likely too,
the way you're handling it.
392
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:23,421
Every bird is fair game, mate.
393
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:26,257
- For you and for me.
- Oh, yeah!
394
00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:29,135
Hey! Fancy this one, do you?
395
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:33,723
It's a lovely bit of tail, that.
396
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:35,725
Oh!
397
00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:41,147
Hey! Where's she gone?
398
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:42,732
She's here. Shut up, man!
399
00:24:42,773 --> 00:24:43,941
Oh!
400
00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:47,570
Hello, sexy!
401
00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:52,283
Do buy one.
It doesn't matter what you give.
402
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:56,454
Isn't your wife
expecting you home for tea?
403
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:57,788
Trunk it.
404
00:24:59,665 --> 00:25:00,833
Oops!
405
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,085
Who's going to bath the babies, then?
406
00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:06,339
I didn't prick you, didn't I?
407
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:09,300
No. Lovely. Do it again.
408
00:25:09,425 --> 00:25:13,262
I say, you wouldn't like to come
to our church rave on Friday, would you?
409
00:25:13,304 --> 00:25:16,098
- Church rave?
- Mmm. Do come.
410
00:25:16,641 --> 00:25:18,601
We never get enough decent men.
411
00:25:20,478 --> 00:25:21,771
In that case, I'm on.
412
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:26,275
Oh. Oh, good. Well, I'll see you Friday.
Saint Michael's.
413
00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:33,783
♪ It's so hard to see her face
414
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:37,828
♪ In an overcrowded place
415
00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:41,499
♪ And the wet weather on the wind
416
00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:45,211
♪ They don't get into my mind
417
00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:49,799
♪ Children are playing ♪
418
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,801
Seems a nice class of person
around here.
419
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:54,887
Oh, there is. We have some lovely times.
420
00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:56,973
In the summer, I don't come as much.
421
00:25:57,014 --> 00:26:00,309
Mummy and Daddy and I go miles away
along the coast for picnics.
422
00:26:00,393 --> 00:26:05,314
And there's swimming and sand
and sea and sun, all on our own.
423
00:26:05,523 --> 00:26:08,859
And then it's Christmas.
All the family comes to church then.
424
00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:10,861
Oh, why don't you come more often?
425
00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:13,990
It's so important to have
such lovely times.
426
00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:17,076
Perhaps I could have a lovely time too.
427
00:26:17,159 --> 00:26:19,203
In a nice, pure way.
428
00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:22,498
Why not? What's wrong
with being nice and pure?
429
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,458
You can't be grotty
all your life, Jamie.
430
00:27:08,711 --> 00:27:10,921
Well, thank you for helping
with the under fives.
431
00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:12,590
Oh, Michael.
432
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:15,217
Anything I can do for you, Michael.
433
00:27:15,885 --> 00:27:17,511
Michael, this is Jamie.
434
00:27:17,595 --> 00:27:19,221
- Hello, Jamie.
- Hello, Michael.
435
00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:27,188
Do you spend most of your lovely times
here, or only in the curates season?
436
00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:30,900
Oh, Jamie! Michael's a priest.
Oh, you are silly.
437
00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:41,077
♪ Yes
438
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,288
♪ I was looking back to see
If she was looking back to see
439
00:27:44,372 --> 00:27:46,540
♪ If he was looking up at me
440
00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:49,960
Michael does a terrific
"Meals on Wheels" for old people.
441
00:27:50,044 --> 00:27:51,379
You must see it.
442
00:27:51,462 --> 00:27:53,214
Michael gives himself to everything.
443
00:27:53,297 --> 00:27:56,967
He's so 20th century,
his concept of service.
444
00:27:57,468 --> 00:28:00,888
You could serve too,
sort of plunge in and give your all.
445
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:02,807
Michael will be so grateful.
446
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:04,183
How about you?
447
00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:17,655
♪ Well, I was looking back to see
If she was looking back to see
448
00:28:17,738 --> 00:28:19,865
♪ If he was looking back at me ♪
449
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:26,831
Do you mind if we sit down for a bit?
450
00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:29,291
No, it hasn't really
livened up yet, has it?
451
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:30,835
No.
452
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:34,630
- Hi, Paula.
- Oh, hi.
453
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:37,675
Okay. This is Jamie.
Jamie this is my friend.
454
00:28:37,758 --> 00:28:39,135
Charmed, I'm sure.
455
00:28:39,218 --> 00:28:41,429
Charmed, I'm sure. He's nice.
456
00:28:41,762 --> 00:28:43,305
Another rotten friend.
457
00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:44,515
She's like Lady Bountiful,
458
00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:47,518
spreading her boyfriends around
the deserving poor.
459
00:28:47,601 --> 00:28:49,728
Cath is certainly deserving.
460
00:28:49,812 --> 00:28:51,313
Oh, what a lovely suit!
461
00:28:51,397 --> 00:28:53,083
- Is that the one you've just taken up?
- Mmm.
462
00:28:53,107 --> 00:28:55,860
No, it was her dad's.
She just had the legs cut off.
463
00:28:55,943 --> 00:28:57,403
Clever guts.
464
00:28:57,486 --> 00:28:59,780
- Where'd you find him?
- Cath, it's lovely.
465
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:01,699
I think yours is lovely too.
466
00:29:01,782 --> 00:29:03,576
Lovely! Smashing!
467
00:29:03,659 --> 00:29:05,077
Grand night for grooving.
468
00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:08,080
You should come more often.
We have some lovely times.
469
00:29:08,164 --> 00:29:10,040
Yeah. So rumor has it.
470
00:29:10,541 --> 00:29:12,293
♪ Every little thing
471
00:29:13,961 --> 00:29:17,840
♪ Every little thing about you I adore
472
00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:21,469
♪ You're just the girl I've waited for
473
00:29:21,552 --> 00:29:25,014
♪ I know that love is real and more
474
00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:27,766
♪ I'll see you
475
00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:30,227
♪ Every little thing
476
00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:32,605
♪ Every little thing ♪
477
00:29:32,688 --> 00:29:34,648
Come on. The lights might fuse again.
478
00:29:37,735 --> 00:29:40,863
You might be kinder to her.
She's had a hard time.
479
00:29:40,946 --> 00:29:44,283
She does so much work
for the church, single-handed.
480
00:29:44,366 --> 00:29:46,827
No wonder, the size of her hands.
481
00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:50,247
- Sorry.
- Why don't you help
482
00:29:50,331 --> 00:29:52,625
with our church bazaar on Saturday?
483
00:29:52,708 --> 00:29:54,376
Okay. Just for you.
484
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:57,338
- Oh, you are good.
- Excuse me, Jamie.
485
00:29:57,421 --> 00:29:59,048
Oh, Michael.
486
00:30:08,891 --> 00:30:11,560
Come on, Jamie. I won't eat you.
487
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:15,564
Oh, Jamie. You're smashing.
488
00:30:22,279 --> 00:30:25,658
Oh, Jamie.
Aren't we having a lovely time?
489
00:30:25,908 --> 00:30:27,326
Mmm.
490
00:30:27,409 --> 00:30:28,577
Paula?
491
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:32,414
Would you like to come
and arrange the peonies, Paula?
492
00:30:32,540 --> 00:30:34,250
They need your deft touch.
493
00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:35,751
Oi!
494
00:30:43,551 --> 00:30:48,180
Ah, Jamie! Thank you.
Oh! They are heavy!
495
00:30:48,264 --> 00:30:50,891
Cath, would you take this
to the china smashing?
496
00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:52,434
- Mmm.
- Thank you.
497
00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:54,895
Now, will you help
with the lost children?
498
00:31:01,944 --> 00:31:05,447
Oh, Jamie. Will you get the prize
for the champion cauliflower?
499
00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:11,203
This is the last bundle, Paula.
500
00:31:15,124 --> 00:31:16,625
Close the door.
501
00:31:18,043 --> 00:31:20,324
Oh, you're all hot and sticky
from all that rushing about.
502
00:31:20,421 --> 00:31:21,797
Hmm. Tasty lips.
503
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:25,593
You've been an absolute treasure and
I want you to know how grateful I am.
504
00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,931
It's the entertainment next.
505
00:31:34,602 --> 00:31:35,728
So, that's what it's called.
506
00:31:35,811 --> 00:31:38,623
- And I want you to be a really big help.
- Come on, let's get out of here.
507
00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:40,125
I thought you might walk me home later
508
00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:41,418
and we could have some time
to ourselves.
509
00:31:41,442 --> 00:31:43,944
- Well, let's go now.
- You've got to stay, just a bit.
510
00:31:43,986 --> 00:31:46,905
Later we really will be alone.
Just the two of us.
511
00:31:48,282 --> 00:31:49,992
Have you told him yet?
512
00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:51,619
It is good of you, Jamie.
513
00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:55,331
- Quick, quick, you're almost on.
- No, but... Stand still.
514
00:31:55,456 --> 00:31:58,083
Hey, what's going on? Oi! Oi!
What're you doing?
515
00:31:58,167 --> 00:31:59,960
Sit down. Sit down.
516
00:32:00,002 --> 00:32:01,337
Now, just remember to watch.
517
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,255
- Jamie, here's your wand.
- My wand?
518
00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:04,941
Now, look, when little Tommy
says his line...
519
00:32:04,965 --> 00:32:07,110
Well, you wouldn't mind.
Sammy couldn't make it. It's good.
520
00:32:07,134 --> 00:32:09,178
When he says,
"Here is Pan, king of the fairies,"
521
00:32:09,303 --> 00:32:11,680
you skip on and make magic passes
with your wand.
522
00:32:11,764 --> 00:32:13,182
You've got the wrong bloke.
523
00:32:14,183 --> 00:32:17,019
We are poor lost babes in the woods.
524
00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:19,980
And now we must face
the perils of the night.
525
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:26,111
Sis, don't talk in that spooky way.
You give me such a fright.
526
00:32:27,529 --> 00:32:29,031
Goodness!
527
00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:34,036
I'm so tired, my legs ache and my head.
528
00:32:34,161 --> 00:32:37,790
I wish I was safe at home,
tucked up in my little bed.
529
00:32:38,290 --> 00:32:42,211
See you, the fairy twinkle toes.
Here is Pan, king of the fairies.
530
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:47,883
Here is Pan, king of the fairies!
531
00:32:48,008 --> 00:32:49,718
I'm not going to! Trunk it! No!
532
00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:53,972
Here is Pan, our noble king.
533
00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:57,935
Encircle him in fairy ring.
534
00:32:58,686 --> 00:33:02,898
Majestic Pan so wise, so sage,
535
00:33:02,940 --> 00:33:06,860
his nimble footsteps grace our stage.
536
00:33:09,947 --> 00:33:14,034
This just isn't my week.
My year, my decade.
537
00:33:14,076 --> 00:33:16,620
Maybe it's not even my lifetime.
538
00:33:16,745 --> 00:33:20,874
Because, Jamie McGregor,
this is your life.
539
00:33:22,251 --> 00:33:23,627
Too horrible.
540
00:33:25,087 --> 00:33:27,965
Still, that's how it crumbles,
Mary-wise.
541
00:33:29,633 --> 00:33:31,218
There she lives.
542
00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:36,432
Here I sit
and never the twain shall meet.
543
00:33:36,557 --> 00:33:39,143
Well, if that's your attitude, Keith,
I'm not interested.
544
00:33:39,268 --> 00:33:43,313
We didn't ask him to stay out late
last night, did we, Keith?
545
00:33:43,439 --> 00:33:45,566
Will you get into trouble with your mum?
546
00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,985
Ha! Watch where you're going, nit!
547
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:52,156
Let's go this way, eh, Keith?
548
00:33:54,283 --> 00:33:57,911
Well, I'm going this way.
I don't care about you.
549
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:08,130
Keith! Cheerio!
See you tomorrow then, Keith!
550
00:34:10,257 --> 00:34:12,134
I'm going this way.
551
00:34:15,304 --> 00:34:16,597
Keith!
552
00:34:37,951 --> 00:34:41,330
Wish I was in a gang.
I bet Keith would look after me.
553
00:34:45,292 --> 00:34:47,002
It's now or never.
554
00:34:47,628 --> 00:34:49,963
She's given me enough chances,
God knows.
555
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:53,342
I've just always messed it up,
by going with useless grotty girls.
556
00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:55,302
She's there for the taking.
557
00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:15,364
Why, it's that crappy old croupier.
558
00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:21,703
Anyone can see
what a nauseating creep he is.
559
00:35:32,881 --> 00:35:35,509
Poor Mary, being pestered by him.
560
00:35:35,551 --> 00:35:36,760
Oh!
561
00:35:39,972 --> 00:35:41,473
- How are you?
- Oh, all right.
562
00:35:56,238 --> 00:35:59,241
Oh, why don't I make things happen?
563
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:10,335
This is the way the world shall end.
Not with a bang, but with a Wimpy.
564
00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:18,677
Oh, there's your handbag! Over here.
Come on, come on.
565
00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:23,432
- Trust Craig Foster.
- Hey, Jamie, catch!
566
00:36:25,434 --> 00:36:26,685
- Hi, Craig.
- Where you been?
567
00:36:26,768 --> 00:36:29,104
- Haven't seen you around lately.
- I've been slimming.
568
00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:30,689
- Yeah?
- Great.
569
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:33,817
- How's your dad's furniture business?
- Bloody.
570
00:36:35,152 --> 00:36:37,779
- Leave then.
- Who would have me?
571
00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:39,448
Except for Audrey
and she'd have anybody.
572
00:36:39,489 --> 00:36:42,117
Anybody, as long as
it really was a body.
573
00:36:42,159 --> 00:36:44,453
- She packs a good punch though.
- What did you say?
574
00:36:44,536 --> 00:36:46,788
You wouldn't understand.
It wasn't dirty.
575
00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:49,958
- Oh, you are awful.
- Public school jerk.
576
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,337
Well, come on, you lot,
if we're going nowhere, let's go.
577
00:36:53,462 --> 00:36:54,796
Come on, Jamie.
578
00:36:58,050 --> 00:36:59,217
Come on, Jamie.
579
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:12,648
Okay, then, so open up
the big boys' door, and let us in.
580
00:37:19,821 --> 00:37:22,240
You 18-year-old look younger every day.
581
00:37:25,202 --> 00:37:26,870
Good evening, governor.
582
00:37:27,329 --> 00:37:30,248
- Chop-chop. What's yours?
- Whisky and tonic.
583
00:37:30,332 --> 00:37:31,541
Mmm-hmm.
584
00:37:37,881 --> 00:37:39,174
You looking for something?
585
00:37:39,216 --> 00:37:41,009
No. Just practicing standing around.
586
00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:43,345
You never know
when it might come in handy.
587
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:47,849
Uh, two rum and coke,
one whisky and tonic.
588
00:37:47,891 --> 00:37:49,101
Yes, sir.
589
00:37:50,352 --> 00:37:53,855
- Have mine. Never liked mine anyway.
- Oh, I thought it suited you.
590
00:37:53,897 --> 00:37:57,192
I'll sit on your knee.
I've always liked a good, clean knee.
591
00:37:57,275 --> 00:38:00,028
- You do keep a clean knee, don't you?
- I do me best.
592
00:38:00,070 --> 00:38:01,863
Hey, look who's there over there.
593
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:06,618
Oh, Caroline.
I think she's terribly snooty.
594
00:38:06,702 --> 00:38:08,370
I think she's terrific.
595
00:38:08,412 --> 00:38:11,206
Ooh! What's that? It's terribly knobbly.
596
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:16,044
Uh, it's just my tobacco tin.
Move up a bit. Lovely.
597
00:38:17,879 --> 00:38:20,340
Hey, Audrey,
I thought you were with me.
598
00:38:34,688 --> 00:38:36,732
Bye! Keep that knee clean.
599
00:39:01,882 --> 00:39:03,258
Try kicking it.
600
00:39:05,761 --> 00:39:07,846
Let me help you
with my lucky right hand.
601
00:39:08,889 --> 00:39:10,348
Super.
602
00:39:11,641 --> 00:39:15,937
- I broke many a piggy bank with it.
- Super.
603
00:39:20,442 --> 00:39:23,278
The rain in Spain
falls mainly in the plain.
604
00:39:23,945 --> 00:39:25,238
Super.
605
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:30,035
All gone!
606
00:39:31,745 --> 00:39:34,581
- Just beginning.
- Super.
607
00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,751
Thank you, Boris.
608
00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:41,546
Lot of salad... and a little juice.
609
00:39:45,175 --> 00:39:47,803
She thinks she's in a charm contest.
610
00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:51,848
And in the white dress,
charming for England, is Caroline.
611
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:55,977
I bet if I said knickers,
she'd say super.
612
00:39:56,061 --> 00:39:57,187
Super.
613
00:40:05,195 --> 00:40:08,031
- Very exotic.
- What's your handicap?
614
00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:15,705
Well, I'm left handed, I speak too fast,
I'm not much good at chat.
615
00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:19,000
I don't think I ought to tell you.
616
00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:23,839
- You do play golf?
- Play golf? Me? No.
617
00:40:25,048 --> 00:40:28,593
Then I'll teach you.
Saturday morning at the Golf Club, hmm?
618
00:40:30,303 --> 00:40:31,471
Mmm.
619
00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:34,307
All right, then. Stay bright.
620
00:40:35,809 --> 00:40:37,018
Okay.
621
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:21,646
Now, this is how we drive off.
622
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:25,233
- Which way are we heading?
- That flag over there.
623
00:41:27,736 --> 00:41:28,862
Up...
624
00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:32,991
Down...
625
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:37,537
Up, down.
626
00:41:38,330 --> 00:41:40,123
Now, you try.
627
00:41:40,207 --> 00:41:42,334
Oh, let's not bother.
Just show me again.
628
00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:44,211
Are you on the balls of your feet?
629
00:41:45,295 --> 00:41:47,380
Bend your legs slightly apart,
like this.
630
00:41:49,841 --> 00:41:51,384
Jiggle up and down a bit.
631
00:41:52,344 --> 00:41:54,137
Hit at it, don't wave at it.
632
00:42:10,070 --> 00:42:12,405
This is very good practice.
633
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:17,077
It's the performance I like best.
Not the practice.
634
00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:21,164
But every good performance
depends on the lot of practice.
635
00:42:22,332 --> 00:42:23,458
True.
636
00:42:24,334 --> 00:42:26,753
- Mmm.
- Let's just practice lying here.
637
00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:29,756
You never know
when we might need to do it.
638
00:42:30,090 --> 00:42:34,135
- You're learning very fast, you know.
- You're such a good teacher.
639
00:42:36,137 --> 00:42:38,556
Do you think if we both rolled over
and over together,
640
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,475
when we came to the hole,
641
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:43,144
we'd disappear down it
like Alice in Wonderland?
642
00:42:43,228 --> 00:42:45,438
Do you really think I'm a good teacher?
643
00:42:46,648 --> 00:42:49,234
I think you'd make a good pupil as well.
644
00:42:49,567 --> 00:42:51,903
I have one or two things
I might teach you.
645
00:42:51,987 --> 00:42:53,154
Such as?
646
00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:02,914
Wow!
647
00:43:02,998 --> 00:43:04,082
What do you think?
648
00:43:04,165 --> 00:43:06,376
Never mind what I think.
They'd have me in prison.
649
00:43:09,462 --> 00:43:11,798
How about these
for Trooping of the Colour?
650
00:43:11,881 --> 00:43:14,926
They'd frighten the horses. Ma'am.
651
00:43:16,052 --> 00:43:17,178
Super!
652
00:43:21,850 --> 00:43:24,311
Much better.
We must keep up with the times.
653
00:43:24,394 --> 00:43:27,022
The minute I walk out of here,
this lot will be old fashioned.
654
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:32,027
That's the fun of living today.
Fast. Zoom-zoom.
655
00:43:32,444 --> 00:43:33,570
Zoom-zoom.
656
00:43:35,030 --> 00:43:37,282
Why don't you come for tea next Sunday?
657
00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:39,993
Super! I better bring my bike
to get home.
658
00:43:40,035 --> 00:43:43,163
Don't bother about your bike.
Stay the night.
659
00:43:43,204 --> 00:43:45,874
Don't bother about anything.
Life's too short.
660
00:43:46,374 --> 00:43:50,211
- Stay the night? Zoom-zoom.
- Wild.
661
00:43:54,549 --> 00:44:00,055
Hey, Jamie! I hear you've got two birds.
Pass us the leavings, would you?
662
00:44:00,472 --> 00:44:03,975
- What are you going to do with two?
- What do you think he's going to do?
663
00:44:04,059 --> 00:44:06,495
It's about time some of the rest
of you lads started to grow up.
664
00:44:06,519 --> 00:44:08,646
Always ogling, never doing.
665
00:44:08,730 --> 00:44:13,735
- You well armed for tonight then?
- Oh, sure. Got a new consignment.
666
00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:16,738
- Spike!
- Yeah?
667
00:44:16,863 --> 00:44:18,073
What do you do?
668
00:44:19,741 --> 00:44:22,660
Well, first of all,
have a very hot bath. Never fails.
669
00:44:22,744 --> 00:44:25,914
- What's that do?
- Makes you sterile, you nit.
670
00:44:26,039 --> 00:44:27,582
What do you mean? Clean?
671
00:44:27,707 --> 00:44:30,251
Wait, suppose you're out in the field,
and there's no hot water?
672
00:44:30,335 --> 00:44:31,896
Well, I use tightly wrapped cotton wool.
673
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,255
By far the easiest method
is a wrist watch.
674
00:44:34,339 --> 00:44:36,508
One plain, everyday,
ordinary wrist watch.
675
00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:39,052
And, uh, how is that so?
676
00:44:39,094 --> 00:44:42,263
Think, sir, your O-level physics.
677
00:44:42,347 --> 00:44:47,394
Well, gentlemen, the plain,
the ordinary, the everyday wristwatch,
678
00:44:47,435 --> 00:44:49,604
is strapped on
half an hour before the...
679
00:44:50,605 --> 00:44:53,441
The very radioactivity
of its very luminous dial
680
00:44:53,566 --> 00:44:56,111
is your guarantee
of lasting positive protection.
681
00:44:56,236 --> 00:44:57,779
If the bomb don't go off first.
682
00:45:05,578 --> 00:45:07,122
They're joking, aren't they?
683
00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:09,958
They'd better be,
or they're in for a few surprises.
684
00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:11,709
Don't you know anything, Gerald?
685
00:45:11,793 --> 00:45:13,128
I don't seem to have the chat.
686
00:45:13,253 --> 00:45:14,462
Of course, you have.
687
00:45:14,546 --> 00:45:17,549
You wanna play the field.
Don't make it so special though.
688
00:45:17,882 --> 00:45:20,468
You know, I used to be
a seven stone weakling.
689
00:45:20,552 --> 00:45:21,636
Get off!
690
00:45:26,641 --> 00:45:29,477
She's hidden my pyjamas,
that's what she's done.
691
00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:39,571
Not to be used
after November 5th, 1969.
692
00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:41,656
Fireworks Night, eh?
693
00:45:42,657 --> 00:45:45,257
I better put it in my pocket
before it burns a hole in the drawer.
694
00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:47,787
Mum, where'd you put me pyjamas?
695
00:45:47,829 --> 00:45:49,664
They're airing in the kitchen.
696
00:45:49,789 --> 00:45:51,457
Your meal's ready.
697
00:45:51,499 --> 00:45:53,126
Are you going through your tenderfoot?
698
00:45:53,168 --> 00:45:54,812
Do you want me to chalk
a few arrows on the ground,
699
00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:56,629
so you know which way I've gone?
700
00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:00,967
Just a wee bit edgy we are today.
701
00:46:01,009 --> 00:46:05,138
Now you eat quiet,
or you'll tie your stomach up in knots.
702
00:46:05,180 --> 00:46:06,681
It'll upset your regularity.
703
00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:09,017
- Mum, not at the table.
- Just a wee bit edgy.
704
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:11,519
- May I have the blancmange?
- Mmm.
705
00:46:12,020 --> 00:46:13,813
No, not again.
706
00:46:14,522 --> 00:46:18,526
Mrs Milburn's made four.
None of hers would touch them.
707
00:46:19,152 --> 00:46:21,529
We spend our whole time
eating leftovers.
708
00:46:21,571 --> 00:46:23,489
What about the million
starving goats in China?
709
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:24,991
Can't they think about them?
710
00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:27,368
Just you eat up
your nice porridge, Jamie.
711
00:46:27,493 --> 00:46:30,371
- Joe loves his, don't you, darling?
- Yeah, it's smashing.
712
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:36,377
Pickled onion, blancmange,
four breakfast bowls,
713
00:46:37,212 --> 00:46:40,673
porridge, cold sausage.
714
00:46:41,883 --> 00:46:43,218
Empty stomach.
715
00:46:43,676 --> 00:46:48,056
And where's my pyjamas, eh? Oh,
and some brown paper to wrap them in.
716
00:46:48,097 --> 00:46:51,351
Well, all the excitement
and rushing around...
717
00:46:51,392 --> 00:46:54,896
It's all noise and talk with you, Jamie.
You never actually do anything, do you?
718
00:46:55,021 --> 00:46:57,899
Brown paper is all I want.
Save the homespun philosophy.
719
00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:01,236
Let me see, now. Brown paper.
720
00:47:01,277 --> 00:47:02,570
What's the brown paper for then?
721
00:47:02,695 --> 00:47:03,947
To make paper hats with.
722
00:47:04,072 --> 00:47:06,783
Oh! Do you know I've been looking
for this book for ages.
723
00:47:06,908 --> 00:47:08,534
It's for pyjamas, nit.
724
00:47:08,576 --> 00:47:10,203
Oh, you're taking pyjamas with you, eh?
725
00:47:10,245 --> 00:47:12,288
Oh, of course.
You can't let him go naked.
726
00:47:12,413 --> 00:47:14,374
Oh, goodness! Not with his chest.
727
00:47:14,415 --> 00:47:16,727
Oh, I thought at least they'll be
laying on a valet for him.
728
00:47:16,751 --> 00:47:18,729
Putting things out for the young master
in the west wing.
729
00:47:18,753 --> 00:47:20,088
Very funny.
730
00:47:20,213 --> 00:47:23,049
- What are you looking for?
- Brown paper.
731
00:47:23,091 --> 00:47:25,260
I've got some nice Christmas wrappings.
732
00:47:25,551 --> 00:47:27,613
I can't take that.
It'll look as if I've got a present.
733
00:47:27,637 --> 00:47:28,972
No present?
734
00:47:29,097 --> 00:47:30,908
Haven't you ever been away
for the weekend before?
735
00:47:30,932 --> 00:47:32,618
Never mind, I'll do without it.
It's too late.
736
00:47:32,642 --> 00:47:34,811
I'll carry them casually
over me shoulder.
737
00:47:34,936 --> 00:47:36,914
I should have known that brown paper
just doesn't exist.
738
00:47:36,938 --> 00:47:39,607
Brown paper? Why didn't you say so?
739
00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:46,614
Now, you look after it, Jamie.
I know what those people are like.
740
00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:48,992
I shall be wanting it back
for my sandwiches.
741
00:49:03,441 --> 00:49:05,610
Oh, what a cow of a shot.
742
00:49:06,569 --> 00:49:10,615
Jamie! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
You want to make it a foursome?
743
00:49:11,532 --> 00:49:13,242
Sounds a bit too kinky for me.
744
00:49:13,368 --> 00:49:15,536
- My father.
- How do you do?
745
00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:19,040
- My brother, Charles.
- Hello.
746
00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:23,711
Mummy. She won't play.
747
00:49:23,795 --> 00:49:25,213
Hello.
748
00:49:28,591 --> 00:49:29,884
Have you brought a present?
749
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:32,220
- It's my pyjamas.
- Wild.
750
00:49:34,931 --> 00:49:37,225
I wish you'd leave that girl alone.
751
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,560
George, she's a foreigner.
752
00:49:39,894 --> 00:49:41,646
Lovely garden you've got here.
753
00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:45,566
High tea on the low grass.
Sounds quite adventurous, doesn't it?
754
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:47,944
Isn't this cosy, George?
755
00:49:48,069 --> 00:49:51,572
Oh, it's important to play with one's
children occasionally.
756
00:49:52,281 --> 00:49:54,909
A playful child is a happy child,
I always say.
757
00:49:56,411 --> 00:49:58,621
Ingrid, did you bring the damson jam?
758
00:49:58,746 --> 00:50:01,082
Ja, the jamson dam is here.
759
00:50:01,791 --> 00:50:04,085
No, dear, that's the ketchup.
760
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:08,464
Her English really is improving,
you know.
761
00:50:08,589 --> 00:50:10,258
Why did you choose a German one?
762
00:50:10,341 --> 00:50:13,094
I told you.
The French ones were all used up.
763
00:50:13,678 --> 00:50:16,597
We're just going to have
a quiet supper at home tonight.
764
00:50:16,639 --> 00:50:20,643
No servants, no fuss. Just family.
765
00:50:25,314 --> 00:50:28,943
Well, they're clever people with grapes,
those Spanish.
766
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,821
It's a polite little sherry,
don't you think?
767
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,657
Lovely. Good manners, too.
768
00:50:35,241 --> 00:50:36,451
Mmm.
769
00:50:37,118 --> 00:50:39,412
People know me for my candles.
770
00:50:39,495 --> 00:50:42,123
It's a cross between
medium sweet and medium dry.
771
00:50:42,206 --> 00:50:46,002
It's a bit sweeter than dry
and just a bit drier than medium.
772
00:50:46,836 --> 00:50:50,465
I see what you mean.
You sort of plunk in the middle.
773
00:50:51,340 --> 00:50:53,468
Here, Jamie, next to me.
774
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:56,762
Move up.
775
00:50:58,723 --> 00:50:59,891
Thank you, Ingrid.
776
00:51:16,491 --> 00:51:18,826
Dextrously, yet, unobtrusively, eh?
777
00:51:19,243 --> 00:51:22,288
You mustn't bruise the wine
or rupture the cork.
778
00:51:22,371 --> 00:51:25,875
Ah! You can always tell
the old master's touch.
779
00:51:26,584 --> 00:51:29,128
Daddy treats Ingrid
just like one of the family.
780
00:51:29,212 --> 00:51:31,881
I can see that.
How does he treat the family?
781
00:51:32,465 --> 00:51:34,467
Daddy just loves to drink.
782
00:51:34,550 --> 00:51:36,010
He's an expert on wine.
783
00:51:36,093 --> 00:51:39,805
Do play along with him,
he so loves to initiate a novice.
784
00:51:40,765 --> 00:51:43,768
Good bouquet greets the nostrils
like an old friend.
785
00:51:45,061 --> 00:51:47,188
Clever people with grapes, these French.
786
00:51:47,813 --> 00:51:50,691
We mustn't start with anything
too influential. It's a peeve.
787
00:51:51,359 --> 00:51:52,944
The colour gives it away.
788
00:51:53,486 --> 00:51:57,365
- Oh, you know a bit about wine, do you?
- No, I'm just a novice.
789
00:52:12,088 --> 00:52:14,006
Mmm, not bad.
790
00:52:18,386 --> 00:52:21,264
A wafting reminder
of its French homeland.
791
00:52:22,431 --> 00:52:24,517
A tiny tinge of recognition.
792
00:52:27,103 --> 00:52:30,439
A cautious hello
to its hidden personality.
793
00:52:31,524 --> 00:52:32,733
Hello.
794
00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:39,865
- No magic incense.
- Now, gently meet it halfway.
795
00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:46,998
And let it tickle your tongue.
796
00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,961
As it titillates your teeth.
797
00:52:52,044 --> 00:52:55,006
- And tonsils.
- And taste buds.
798
00:52:55,214 --> 00:52:57,383
Ah! Mmm.
799
00:52:58,092 --> 00:53:01,137
Like a hello from an old, old friend.
800
00:53:07,351 --> 00:53:10,771
Did you ever see
such a fuss over grape juice?
801
00:53:16,777 --> 00:53:18,154
Oh, my God!
802
00:53:26,954 --> 00:53:29,790
George, you've got him pissed again.
803
00:53:31,459 --> 00:53:35,921
Yes, they're clever people with grapes,
see, these Yugoslavs.
804
00:53:36,047 --> 00:53:39,967
You are a brick.
You really made the party go.
805
00:53:41,052 --> 00:53:42,762
Nice of you to have me.
806
00:53:42,845 --> 00:53:45,264
It was lovely having you, darling.
807
00:54:07,161 --> 00:54:10,498
Mummy and Daddy are super
at entertaining, aren't they?
808
00:54:10,706 --> 00:54:11,999
Super!
809
00:54:12,958 --> 00:54:15,044
Have a brandy, Johnny?
810
00:54:15,127 --> 00:54:16,420
Oh!
811
00:54:16,504 --> 00:54:18,255
Shall we go upstairs?
812
00:54:19,548 --> 00:54:23,010
Might as well,
or else I might turn into a grape.
813
00:54:23,469 --> 00:54:25,471
Clever people with grapes,
those McGregors.
814
00:54:25,554 --> 00:54:31,018
- Oh, Jamie, you're funny.
- I know. I always laugh at my own jokes.
815
00:54:31,102 --> 00:54:34,647
Don't stay up too late you two.
School tomorrow.
816
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,442
But they haven't had any port.
817
00:55:05,219 --> 00:55:09,014
That's your room there. There.
818
00:55:13,894 --> 00:55:15,062
Hey...
819
00:55:20,818 --> 00:55:22,361
I won't be a moment.
820
00:56:21,796 --> 00:56:24,298
There. That's very sexy, that.
821
00:56:28,761 --> 00:56:30,971
I wonder what's taking her so long.
822
00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:35,142
Maybe she's fallen in.
823
00:56:39,939 --> 00:56:41,440
Two tops!
824
00:56:42,942 --> 00:56:44,652
God, I'll kill Mum.
825
00:56:46,529 --> 00:56:47,947
What am I going to do?
826
00:56:49,824 --> 00:56:52,368
Hey, maybe she's waiting for me.
827
00:57:09,176 --> 00:57:11,345
She might've told me where to go.
828
00:57:26,193 --> 00:57:28,654
Gentlemen, the Queen.
829
00:57:33,701 --> 00:57:35,160
Mmm.
830
00:58:49,443 --> 00:58:51,779
Cynthia, think of the children.
831
00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:00,454
It's like the bloody Arabian Nights,
that's what it is.
832
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:49,336
No, no, no. No, don't touch me.
That would spoil everything.
833
00:59:51,672 --> 00:59:53,507
Just look at me first.
834
00:59:55,050 --> 00:59:57,428
Right, that's enough.
Now close your eyes.
835
01:00:01,682 --> 01:00:03,350
Close your eyes.
836
01:00:09,857 --> 01:00:10,899
Ow!
837
01:00:12,484 --> 01:00:14,319
Right, come on, stop messing about.
838
01:00:14,403 --> 01:00:16,488
I'm not after
my Duke of Edinburgh's Award.
839
01:00:17,239 --> 01:00:20,993
What are you after, Jamie? Tell me.
840
01:00:35,466 --> 01:00:36,884
Don't you think?
841
01:00:38,969 --> 01:00:40,846
I've got a lovely...
842
01:00:42,765 --> 01:00:43,932
voice?
843
01:00:44,975 --> 01:00:48,187
Look, don't you think
you'll be better off on the bed?
844
01:00:50,355 --> 01:00:52,858
You're not quite capable.
845
01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:56,445
Who's not capable?
846
01:00:56,528 --> 01:01:01,116
I'm capable anywhere. Capable Caroline.
847
01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:05,788
Come on, Jamie.
What's the matter with the floor?
848
01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:09,833
- It's hard.
- Okay.
849
01:01:11,919 --> 01:01:14,671
On top of the wardrobe then.
850
01:01:16,799 --> 01:01:21,261
Daddy told me about the couple
who went on top of a wardrobe.
851
01:01:21,345 --> 01:01:23,430
I suppose Daddy would.
852
01:01:23,514 --> 01:01:25,933
And Daddy would want Jamie.
853
01:01:31,230 --> 01:01:36,026
I suppose Daddy would,
and Mummy, and me.
854
01:01:36,401 --> 01:01:38,070
And you, Jamie?
855
01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:45,494
No! You can't!
856
01:01:53,085 --> 01:01:56,296
Caroline! Caroline!
857
01:02:12,104 --> 01:02:13,272
Ingrid.
858
01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:21,363
God! Don't you ever stop?
You, you sex debaser.
859
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:28,370
Jamie, a little warm milk
before bedtime?
860
01:02:33,709 --> 01:02:37,546
God! Stupid! Women! Well, I've had it.
861
01:02:37,838 --> 01:02:41,425
I mean, I haven't had it.
Yeah, well, I'm off you all from now.
862
01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:45,721
That's the last time any phoney girl
is going to make a fool out of me.
863
01:03:01,445 --> 01:03:04,656
Thanks for dropping me off.
Saved me from being late.
864
01:03:04,907 --> 01:03:07,451
Thanks for a smashing weekend. Super.
865
01:03:09,661 --> 01:03:12,873
- See ya.
- Rain in Spain, eh, Jamie?
866
01:03:16,418 --> 01:03:19,129
Oh, hi, Spike.
You've been here all weekend then?
867
01:03:19,213 --> 01:03:20,589
Ha-ha!
868
01:03:20,672 --> 01:03:22,549
Did you thumb the lift then?
869
01:03:22,633 --> 01:03:24,134
Not bad, you're trying.
870
01:03:24,218 --> 01:03:26,029
Actually, the old man said
I could borrow the Jag,
871
01:03:26,053 --> 01:03:28,513
but Caroline insisted
she brought me herself.
872
01:03:28,597 --> 01:03:30,057
Well, you know how it is, don't you?
873
01:03:30,432 --> 01:03:32,976
Oh, insolence, 100 lines.
874
01:03:33,393 --> 01:03:35,604
You haven't been there for the weekend.
875
01:03:37,856 --> 01:03:40,275
- Have you?
- Hey, Jamie!
876
01:03:42,778 --> 01:03:43,987
Jamie!
877
01:03:49,159 --> 01:03:51,662
- You left these behind.
- Thank you.
878
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:56,500
About time I got down to some work.
879
01:03:56,583 --> 01:03:59,836
Can't spend all of one's weekends
with birds. Can one, Spike?
880
01:04:02,089 --> 01:04:03,924
- Hey! Jamie!
- Wait a minute!
881
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:08,553
it's all a rotten farce.
882
01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:12,015
Look at them, all envious thinking
I've had this fantastic weekend,
883
01:04:12,099 --> 01:04:14,059
and look at me, letting them think
it.
884
01:04:14,101 --> 01:04:16,270
Everybody's got things upside-down,
885
01:04:16,395 --> 01:04:19,106
all because of phoney old girls
and phoney old sex.
886
01:04:19,690 --> 01:04:21,358
Yeah, well I'm off 'em, both.
887
01:04:39,876 --> 01:04:41,920
Ooh, it's cold.
888
01:04:54,391 --> 01:04:56,143
Ooh, it's freezing.
889
01:05:00,397 --> 01:05:03,734
Hey, get out of my mind.
I'm supposed to be off you.
890
01:05:07,321 --> 01:05:09,281
Must get in training.
891
01:05:09,323 --> 01:05:12,451
Especially if our borstal's
gonna beat that public school.
892
01:05:12,492 --> 01:05:15,245
Clean health in body and mind.
893
01:05:16,163 --> 01:05:19,958
Keep S-E-X in its place.
894
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:22,836
I'm giving it up, forever!
895
01:05:31,511 --> 01:05:32,637
Was it Mrs Gamp
896
01:05:32,679 --> 01:05:35,432
who was chasing donkeys
away from out front?
897
01:05:35,515 --> 01:05:37,351
David Copperfield, Jamie.
898
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:38,977
- Remember?
- Hmm?
899
01:05:39,019 --> 01:05:43,315
And who said, "Just a piece of cheese.
All I want is a piece of cheese."
900
01:05:43,357 --> 01:05:44,691
Oh, Mum, give over.
901
01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:46,360
That's the hundredth question.
902
01:05:46,485 --> 01:05:48,325
Why can't you read David Copperfield
backwards?
903
01:05:48,362 --> 01:05:51,049
If it's not "Scratch your back",
"Clean the lav", "What's seven twelves?"
904
01:05:51,073 --> 01:05:52,324
it's "Where's the cheese?"
905
01:05:52,366 --> 01:05:54,076
I didn't say, "Where's the cheese?"
906
01:05:54,201 --> 01:05:56,495
- I said, "Who said it?"
- "Who said it?"
907
01:05:57,871 --> 01:06:01,041
Betsey Trotwood.
That's who I am thinking of.
908
01:06:01,166 --> 01:06:03,043
Mum, I've got to study.
909
01:06:03,168 --> 01:06:06,546
All right then,
just let me unplug myself,
910
01:06:06,588 --> 01:06:09,216
and I'll pop over to Mrs Milburn's
for a second.
911
01:06:09,257 --> 01:06:11,093
Like that? You'll frighten her cats.
912
01:06:11,218 --> 01:06:13,720
If your Dad comes back, say I'm, uh...
913
01:06:13,845 --> 01:06:15,263
No, you better not say anything.
914
01:06:15,389 --> 01:06:16,932
Say I've just gone.
915
01:06:17,057 --> 01:06:19,684
Oh, no. No, you better not say that.
916
01:06:20,060 --> 01:06:21,686
You better just say, uh...
917
01:06:24,898 --> 01:06:26,441
I don't think I'll go.
918
01:06:26,566 --> 01:06:28,235
Oh, I must run.
919
01:06:28,276 --> 01:06:30,237
God give me strength.
920
01:06:33,782 --> 01:06:37,702
"Gladstone did not understand
the Irish question. Discuss."
921
01:06:41,706 --> 01:06:45,127
"To say that Gladstone didn't understand
the Irish question
922
01:06:45,252 --> 01:06:48,588
"is to say that..."
923
01:06:52,926 --> 01:06:55,554
What the hell is there to discuss?
924
01:07:09,443 --> 01:07:11,653
I wonder what Mary's doing.
925
01:07:12,404 --> 01:07:14,489
Wonder if I'll ever know.
926
01:07:15,740 --> 01:07:17,951
Wonder if she'll ever know.
927
01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:22,247
I wonder if she'll wonder
if I wonder if she'll wonder...
928
01:07:22,289 --> 01:07:25,000
Oh, stop it. You're driving me crazy.
929
01:07:25,125 --> 01:07:26,126
Good.
930
01:07:26,793 --> 01:07:29,463
Have some of Mrs Milburn's
nice blancmange.
931
01:07:31,256 --> 01:07:32,799
None of hers would touch it.
932
01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:35,635
Doesn't she ever make
anything they'll eat?
933
01:07:46,521 --> 01:07:47,981
There's someone at the door.
934
01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:50,859
Are you incapacitated or something?
935
01:07:51,485 --> 01:07:53,987
Got my homework to do, haven't I?
936
01:07:54,654 --> 01:07:56,323
What a nice car.
937
01:07:57,407 --> 01:07:59,493
Is it a Ford or a Jaguar?
938
01:08:00,535 --> 01:08:02,078
I never know the difference.
939
01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:04,498
It's that girl
that was with Craig Foster.
940
01:08:04,581 --> 01:08:05,999
Audrey, wasn't it?
941
01:08:09,878 --> 01:08:11,505
Hello, is Jamie in?
942
01:08:11,546 --> 01:08:15,091
Oh, yes, won't you come in?
Uh, who are you?
943
01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:17,052
- I'm Audrey.
- Oh, well.
944
01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:19,930
Jamie, Audrey's here.
945
01:08:20,222 --> 01:08:22,557
Oh, hello. What a surprise.
946
01:08:23,350 --> 01:08:25,352
- Are you on your own?
- I am actually.
947
01:08:25,393 --> 01:08:26,895
- Shall I take your coat?
- No thanks.
948
01:08:27,020 --> 01:08:29,189
Don't take any notice of her.
She only lives here.
949
01:08:29,231 --> 01:08:31,024
Can you come to a party, Jamie?
950
01:08:31,107 --> 01:08:33,360
Eh? Oh, I'm right
in the middle of my essay.
951
01:08:33,401 --> 01:08:35,529
What a prevarication.
You haven't written a line.
952
01:08:35,612 --> 01:08:36,780
Oh, isn't he awful?
953
01:08:36,863 --> 01:08:39,699
At Craig's dad's place. Very clean.
954
01:08:39,741 --> 01:08:41,117
Thought you'd like it.
955
01:08:41,201 --> 01:08:43,119
Would you like some porridge
or some blancmange?
956
01:08:43,203 --> 01:08:45,705
Okay, I'll come. I won't be a minute.
957
01:08:45,747 --> 01:08:48,458
Mum, don't do anything.
958
01:08:50,377 --> 01:08:52,045
What a rotten house.
959
01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:55,257
Mum, her Dickens.
It's like he wrote about us.
960
01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:58,718
They are characters
and we are characters.
961
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:00,637
Characters is right.
962
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:01,930
Must hurry.
963
01:09:02,055 --> 01:09:03,895
She'll be halfway through
me life story by now.
964
01:09:03,974 --> 01:09:05,934
Do you know, I boil them three times
965
01:09:05,976 --> 01:09:07,394
and they're still as bad.
966
01:09:09,062 --> 01:09:11,898
- Mum!
- Jamie, what do you do with them?
967
01:09:12,065 --> 01:09:13,775
He will wear them the whole week.
968
01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:16,820
- Super.
- Come on, let's get out of here. Bye.
969
01:09:16,903 --> 01:09:19,948
Not too many of those nasty drugs now,
you two.
970
01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:34,004
Craig's dad's shop. His dad's away.
971
01:09:35,088 --> 01:09:37,358
I was wondering what happened
in furniture stores at night.
972
01:09:37,382 --> 01:09:38,592
Great!
973
01:09:48,226 --> 01:09:51,062
I guess there is no point
in any preliminary conversation.
974
01:09:51,146 --> 01:09:52,814
Guess there isn't.
975
01:10:13,293 --> 01:10:16,171
Hi, there, Johnny,
I'll bring her back in half a tick.
976
01:10:24,346 --> 01:10:25,764
Alley-oop!
977
01:10:27,057 --> 01:10:29,851
Ah, you now owe me six pegs,
978
01:10:29,934 --> 01:10:32,062
three wardrobes,
and your mother and father.
979
01:10:32,145 --> 01:10:34,397
Sorry, Arthur,
they're exhibition models only.
980
01:10:34,481 --> 01:10:37,442
Ah, you cheat.
I ain't playing you no more.
981
01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:41,905
Bye, Jamie, see you!
982
01:10:43,615 --> 01:10:45,575
I'll see you tomorrow.
983
01:10:47,535 --> 01:10:48,703
Move.
984
01:10:52,248 --> 01:10:53,583
Aye, aye.
985
01:10:53,667 --> 01:10:55,210
- Oh, Spike.
- Well, I am...
986
01:10:56,711 --> 01:10:59,464
I'm having a lovely time, Spike.
Aren't you?
987
01:10:59,964 --> 01:11:01,675
Hey, sardines.
988
01:11:04,010 --> 01:11:06,096
A request for a game of sardine.
989
01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:12,519
I'll meet you in the alcove
over there, okay?
990
01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:14,354
What do you think I am?
991
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:17,148
- That's what I want to find out.
- Great.
992
01:11:17,899 --> 01:11:19,484
Hi, Gerald, who are you with?
993
01:11:19,859 --> 01:11:21,903
Oh, it's just an old friend
of the family.
994
01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:23,947
You're coming on at last.
995
01:11:24,030 --> 01:11:25,657
It's the only way, mate.
996
01:11:43,341 --> 01:11:45,093
It happened again.
997
01:11:47,345 --> 01:11:50,974
The constant repetition
of my staggering ineptitude
998
01:11:51,057 --> 01:11:53,727
is staggering and inept.
999
01:11:56,646 --> 01:11:58,582
Since I'm never going to
make it with Mary, anyway,
1000
01:11:58,606 --> 01:12:00,859
what am I saving myself for?
1001
01:13:10,804 --> 01:13:12,222
You're getting colder.
1002
01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:13,807
No, I'm getting hotter.
1003
01:13:13,890 --> 01:13:17,644
- I feel I'm getting warmer.
- You are, you are. Over here.
1004
01:13:18,228 --> 01:13:19,646
Again, again.
1005
01:13:19,813 --> 01:13:21,314
I'm going to find you.
1006
01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:23,316
I think I've lost the scent.
1007
01:13:23,983 --> 01:13:24,984
It's not in here, mate.
1008
01:15:09,047 --> 01:15:10,590
Anybody there?
1009
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:13,593
Where are you?
1010
01:15:16,763 --> 01:15:18,056
Ooh.
1011
01:15:22,143 --> 01:15:24,812
Oh, Jamie, we shouldn't have.
1012
01:15:26,272 --> 01:15:27,732
Yeah, well.
1013
01:15:29,108 --> 01:15:30,318
That's about it.
1014
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:33,321
Oh! Oh, sorry.
1015
01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:11,317
Right. Let's go.
1016
01:16:36,342 --> 01:16:38,302
What are you thinking about?
1017
01:16:38,970 --> 01:16:42,056
I've been waiting for you to ask me
what I've been thinking about.
1018
01:16:42,181 --> 01:16:46,185
So I've been trying to think of what
I could say I was thinking about.
1019
01:16:46,227 --> 01:16:49,731
I've thought of 15 witty
spontaneous openings so far.
1020
01:16:50,231 --> 01:16:52,400
But because I thought about myself
thinking about them,
1021
01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,193
they all sounded daft.
1022
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:56,195
Did you practice that as well?
1023
01:16:57,280 --> 01:16:58,531
Yeah.
1024
01:17:00,116 --> 01:17:02,243
What's really the matter?
1025
01:17:04,412 --> 01:17:06,539
I went with Audrey at the party.
1026
01:17:07,206 --> 01:17:08,458
I know.
1027
01:17:10,543 --> 01:17:12,378
Well, it's over now.
1028
01:17:13,212 --> 01:17:17,800
I think anybody who gets involved
with anybody else is mad, don't you?
1029
01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:21,554
That's exactly what I believe.
I always have done.
1030
01:17:22,221 --> 01:17:24,432
You've got to take life as it comes,
haven't you?
1031
01:17:24,557 --> 01:17:27,894
Mmm. You're so right, Jamie. Absolutely.
1032
01:17:28,644 --> 01:17:32,231
You've got to have a good time.
Life's too short otherwise.
1033
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:36,235
- You got to play the field, haven't you?
- That's what I do.
1034
01:17:36,277 --> 01:17:37,612
I agree.
1035
01:17:38,738 --> 01:17:39,906
I agree!
1036
01:17:39,989 --> 01:17:42,408
- Really?
- Well, of course I do.
1037
01:17:42,658 --> 01:17:44,744
It's taken me long enough
to arrive at it.
1038
01:17:45,995 --> 01:17:48,581
Yes, it has taken you long enough.
1039
01:17:49,248 --> 01:17:50,458
What has?
1040
01:17:51,250 --> 01:17:54,504
Oh, I don't know. Everything.
1041
01:17:55,088 --> 01:17:57,632
When I was 13 and in second class,
1042
01:17:58,007 --> 01:18:00,760
I had written
all over my French exercise book
1043
01:18:00,843 --> 01:18:02,261
Mrs Jamie McGregor.
1044
01:18:02,303 --> 01:18:05,139
I used to sit and look at it
and think how good it looked.
1045
01:18:05,264 --> 01:18:07,809
Really? But you didn't even know me.
1046
01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:10,937
I know, but I wanted to.
1047
01:18:15,525 --> 01:18:17,443
Did you really have my name
on your French book?
1048
01:18:17,610 --> 01:18:20,446
Sure, and on my English book,
I had Mrs Georgie Milburn
1049
01:18:20,530 --> 01:18:22,949
and Geometry was Mrs Tony Smith.
1050
01:18:23,032 --> 01:18:24,992
Now, who was algebra?
1051
01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:30,706
How about tomorrow?
Pick you up at seven, okay?
1052
01:18:30,790 --> 01:18:33,167
Okay. Cross your heart?
1053
01:18:34,794 --> 01:18:35,962
Goodnight.
1054
01:18:59,819 --> 01:19:01,863
God, I never kissed her.
1055
01:19:19,881 --> 01:19:22,175
Oh, let me help you, Mrs McGregor.
1056
01:19:22,258 --> 01:19:24,927
No, that's all right, Mary, dear,
I can manage.
1057
01:19:25,011 --> 01:19:27,013
Just sit yourself down.
1058
01:19:30,516 --> 01:19:31,851
I like your mum.
1059
01:19:31,934 --> 01:19:34,353
So do I. Best of all in the kitchen.
1060
01:19:34,437 --> 01:19:37,481
Oh, you're just showing off.
I was dying to meet her.
1061
01:19:37,565 --> 01:19:39,984
I know. I can't understand why.
1062
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:45,823
Oh, Mrs McGregor, what a lovely vase.
Where did you get it?
1063
01:19:45,907 --> 01:19:48,367
Oh, Mary, dear, I am glad you like that.
1064
01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:51,621
Do you know,
I've had that vase for 20 years.
1065
01:19:51,746 --> 01:19:55,541
All I had to do was to send in
10 coupons to the Daily Express
1066
01:19:55,625 --> 01:19:57,585
and it was either that
or a gardening book.
1067
01:19:57,668 --> 01:20:01,422
Well, I hadn't got a garden
at the time, so that's what I got.
1068
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:06,636
Oh, I forgot, I could have had
a medical dictionary as well,
1069
01:20:06,719 --> 01:20:08,095
couldn't I, Jamie?
1070
01:20:28,032 --> 01:20:31,369
I'm the first girl you brought home,
aren't I?
1071
01:20:32,411 --> 01:20:33,579
Yep.
1072
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:38,125
What would you like, a gardening book
or a medical dictionary?
1073
01:21:38,102 --> 01:21:39,562
It's lovely.
1074
01:21:41,272 --> 01:21:45,776
That's the real us, down there.
This up here, make-believe.
1075
01:21:46,360 --> 01:21:49,739
A pure con to have us on
and make us think we're substantial.
1076
01:21:50,865 --> 01:21:53,075
We rush around like idiots,
1077
01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:56,329
like it all doesn't matter.
1078
01:21:58,247 --> 01:22:00,916
It says, "Nothing's our reflection."
1079
01:22:09,842 --> 01:22:13,471
I know. Let's go away together.
Just the two of us.
1080
01:22:24,523 --> 01:22:26,484
There. Nice, isn't it?
1081
01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:29,528
- How did you know this place existed?
- It doesn't.
1082
01:22:29,612 --> 01:22:33,908
- It's actually a colour supplement.
- Better watch I don't step off the page.
1083
01:22:38,913 --> 01:22:40,581
Here, come here, boy, here!
1084
01:22:41,874 --> 01:22:45,419
Come here. Have you met Walter?
Come here.
1085
01:22:46,629 --> 01:22:48,714
Don't you think he's exactly a Walter?
1086
01:22:48,798 --> 01:22:50,800
I thought perhaps he was a Fido.
1087
01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:52,968
Or even a Bonzo.
1088
01:22:53,052 --> 01:22:54,929
Bonzo? You're raving.
1089
01:22:55,054 --> 01:22:59,767
You can't tell Bonzo from Fido,
after all the experience you've had.
1090
01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:01,268
What'll happen?
1091
01:23:01,352 --> 01:23:05,272
Well, the Canine Defence League
will be after you for a start.
1092
01:23:05,356 --> 01:23:08,818
And then the RSPCA, and then me!
1093
01:23:08,901 --> 01:23:10,820
Stop it. Oh, go away!
1094
01:23:12,363 --> 01:23:14,073
Spike was wrong.
1095
01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:16,134
He believes you should have affairs
all the time
1096
01:23:16,158 --> 01:23:17,993
with whoever happens to come along.
1097
01:23:18,285 --> 01:23:22,456
But you gotta know the person properly.
It's the only way.
1098
01:23:22,957 --> 01:23:24,250
Who says so?
1099
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:28,254
Come on, I'm going for a swim.
1100
01:23:30,214 --> 01:23:32,275
Hey, I know I'm pretty good
at getting girls excited,
1101
01:23:32,299 --> 01:23:34,301
but this is ridiculous.
1102
01:23:34,927 --> 01:23:36,679
I'm having a swim.
1103
01:23:37,805 --> 01:23:39,265
They'll lock you up.
1104
01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:42,435
My mum's always reading
about people like you on television.
1105
01:23:42,726 --> 01:23:44,646
Not so fast,
you're just steaming up me bifocals.
1106
01:23:44,687 --> 01:23:45,771
Oh, come on.
1107
01:23:45,896 --> 01:23:48,607
It's not Piccadilly Circus.
You don't need a costume.
1108
01:23:48,691 --> 01:23:50,443
I just need to get me underpants off
1109
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,646
and little men with binoculars
will pop out the water.
1110
01:23:52,695 --> 01:23:55,573
Oh, you're a prude. That's your trouble.
1111
01:23:58,409 --> 01:24:01,203
- I'm not a prude.
- Yes, you are.
1112
01:24:01,704 --> 01:24:03,080
I don't know.
1113
01:24:03,122 --> 01:24:05,249
What are young girls
coming to these days?
1114
01:24:05,291 --> 01:24:09,128
Come on. Don't be shy. It's beautiful.
1115
01:24:12,548 --> 01:24:14,925
It will be Piccadilly Circus next.
1116
01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:17,470
Hang about, I'm coming!
1117
01:24:17,595 --> 01:24:19,638
Well, don't take all day about it then.
1118
01:24:22,057 --> 01:24:24,477
- Is it warm?
- It's lovely.
1119
01:25:44,056 --> 01:25:45,182
Mmm.
1120
01:25:45,516 --> 01:25:49,353
After being seduced
by a beautiful mature woman of 28...
1121
01:25:50,229 --> 01:25:53,232
- Mmm?
- This is what I always dreamt about.
1122
01:26:06,078 --> 01:26:09,081
- What's the matter?
- There's something wet!
1123
01:26:09,748 --> 01:26:13,085
- Walter, scram!
- Oh, ignore him, he'll go away.
1124
01:26:13,252 --> 01:26:15,421
He's interrupting me.
I can't concentrate.
1125
01:26:15,546 --> 01:26:19,049
Just pretend it's the water,
gently lapping over you.
1126
01:26:19,425 --> 01:26:21,260
Water's supposed to be very Freudian.
1127
01:26:21,385 --> 01:26:23,762
It's Pavlov we want, not Freud.
1128
01:26:34,940 --> 01:26:36,275
Oh!
1129
01:26:36,567 --> 01:26:38,110
Go and chase that.
1130
01:26:59,173 --> 01:27:00,299
Oh!
1131
01:27:11,518 --> 01:27:13,103
What are you thinking?
1132
01:27:15,648 --> 01:27:17,149
Me? Thinking?
1133
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:21,987
I was wondering what you were thinking.
1134
01:27:23,280 --> 01:27:24,490
Liar.
1135
01:27:28,994 --> 01:27:30,329
I'm sorry.
1136
01:27:34,375 --> 01:27:36,502
Nothing to be sorry about.
1137
01:27:37,503 --> 01:27:38,796
I know.
1138
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:42,675
I'm not. I just said it for effect.
1139
01:28:04,196 --> 01:28:06,532
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
1140
01:28:06,865 --> 01:28:08,492
Oh, brilliant.
1141
01:28:09,034 --> 01:28:10,661
You just look daft.
1142
01:28:14,039 --> 01:28:15,582
Get aside! Go away!
1143
01:28:16,542 --> 01:28:18,168
Me want white girl!
1144
01:28:18,544 --> 01:28:21,338
Me want white man,
not skinny boy!
1145
01:28:21,380 --> 01:28:23,257
Too late!
1146
01:28:25,050 --> 01:28:26,343
Now, my Lady Chatterley,
1147
01:28:26,385 --> 01:28:29,763
I'll show you why they put the game
in gamekeeper.
1148
01:29:21,607 --> 01:29:24,318
Do you know? I was absolutely starving.
1149
01:29:24,943 --> 01:29:29,281
They'll capsize if they're not careful.
Oh, no, they're all right.
1150
01:29:30,949 --> 01:29:33,702
What did you think
of your skinny boy then, eh?
1151
01:29:33,785 --> 01:29:35,120
Very nasty.
1152
01:29:35,454 --> 01:29:36,705
Nasty?
1153
01:29:37,289 --> 01:29:39,958
I'm talking about last night,
not the rotten boats.
1154
01:29:41,043 --> 01:29:44,838
Last night? Smashing.
You're a lovely fellow.
1155
01:29:45,714 --> 01:29:47,132
I think you're smashing.
1156
01:29:47,216 --> 01:29:49,468
I bet you say that to all your girls.
1157
01:29:49,510 --> 01:29:51,803
Did you say it
to Audrey and to Caroline?
1158
01:29:51,887 --> 01:29:54,348
- Never.
- Ah.
1159
01:29:58,644 --> 01:30:01,230
- Let's come next weekend, eh?
- Okay.
1160
01:30:01,563 --> 01:30:03,899
Oh, no, I forgot. I've got something on.
1161
01:30:04,316 --> 01:30:08,487
It's impossible. I won't allow it.
You can't have anything on. Not now.
1162
01:30:08,904 --> 01:30:10,656
Not now, next Sunday.
1163
01:30:16,828 --> 01:30:18,247
Hello, Mary.
1164
01:30:18,539 --> 01:30:20,165
Oh, hello, Mark.
1165
01:30:20,207 --> 01:30:21,500
Jamie, isn't it?
1166
01:30:21,542 --> 01:30:23,895
Hi. Listen, we've got two boats outside.
Do you wanna come along?
1167
01:30:23,919 --> 01:30:26,713
Oh, sure, we'd love to. Come on, Jamie.
1168
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:46,733
- Where are you going next Sunday, then?
- Jamie, pull that in tight.
1169
01:30:47,568 --> 01:30:49,611
I don't know. Sailing probably.
1170
01:30:49,695 --> 01:30:53,865
Who with? Where? Why?
You can't be going with somebody else.
1171
01:30:53,949 --> 01:30:55,867
- Are you telling me?
- Yes.
1172
01:30:56,368 --> 01:30:59,871
Look, I can do what I like
and you can do what you like.
1173
01:30:59,955 --> 01:31:02,958
Remember, we made a bargain.
You crossed your heart.
1174
01:31:04,751 --> 01:31:06,545
Who are you going with?
1175
01:31:09,006 --> 01:31:10,257
Curtis?
1176
01:31:11,091 --> 01:31:12,467
Will you stay the night?
1177
01:31:12,551 --> 01:31:14,428
I don't know. We'll see how we feel.
1178
01:31:14,511 --> 01:31:16,179
At the boatel, just like us?
1179
01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:19,016
So, he's just a bloke
and you're just a bloke?
1180
01:31:19,099 --> 01:31:21,518
I'm not a nun, you know.
I haven't taken any vows.
1181
01:31:21,602 --> 01:31:24,313
You think you can just pick me up
and drop me like a yo-yo?
1182
01:31:24,396 --> 01:31:26,857
Jamie, don't. That makes it sound awful.
1183
01:31:26,940 --> 01:31:29,276
Now, look, will you lean back like this?
1184
01:31:31,486 --> 01:31:32,571
Oh.
1185
01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:36,283
I know.
How about the weekend after next?
1186
01:31:36,408 --> 01:31:38,952
- No, it won't work.
- Why not?
1187
01:31:39,036 --> 01:31:41,830
You could go with somebody else
and I wouldn't mind.
1188
01:31:41,913 --> 01:31:44,499
I think that's the worst thing
I've ever heard you say.
1189
01:31:44,583 --> 01:31:45,876
Why?
1190
01:31:46,293 --> 01:31:48,545
Well, if you don't know,
I can't tell you.
1191
01:31:48,629 --> 01:31:50,631
Your rules and my rules are different,
that's all.
1192
01:31:50,714 --> 01:31:52,883
I've had enough of bits and pieces.
1193
01:31:52,966 --> 01:31:55,636
Bit of a relationship here,
a piece of sex there.
1194
01:31:55,927 --> 01:31:57,638
Jamie, you're just a romantic.
1195
01:31:57,721 --> 01:31:59,431
Okay, it's not illegal.
1196
01:31:59,514 --> 01:32:02,976
So you're out of step.
Things don't happen like that anymore.
1197
01:32:03,060 --> 01:32:04,144
You expect too much.
1198
01:32:04,227 --> 01:32:06,772
And I'll go right on expecting,
thank you very much.
1199
01:32:07,314 --> 01:32:09,733
I just hope I won't be making
the same mistakes again.
1200
01:32:09,816 --> 01:32:11,318
Just sit down.
1201
01:32:11,693 --> 01:32:13,862
Jamie, sit down,
you're upsetting the boat.
1202
01:32:13,945 --> 01:32:15,757
To hell with the boat.
Turn the bloody thing round.
1203
01:32:15,781 --> 01:32:18,408
Don't. Don't be so stupid. Sit down.
1204
01:32:18,825 --> 01:32:20,202
Stupid? That's rich!
1205
01:32:20,285 --> 01:32:22,162
It's the first time
I haven't been stupid!
1206
01:32:22,245 --> 01:32:24,831
Jamie, stop shouting and sit down
before we both go in the water.
1207
01:32:24,915 --> 01:32:27,501
- I'm not shouting!
- Yes, you are. Sit down!
1208
01:32:27,584 --> 01:32:29,169
And even if I am, it doesn't matter!
1209
01:32:29,252 --> 01:32:31,689
- It's all over! You'll see!
- Please, Jamie, I want to come with you.
1210
01:32:31,713 --> 01:32:33,983
- Too late now, girl! You'll see!
- Now get back in the boat.
1211
01:32:39,846 --> 01:32:41,556
I hope she does see.
1212
01:32:42,391 --> 01:32:44,267
I hope I do, too.
1213
01:32:44,851 --> 01:32:48,438
Oh, God, the thing I've wanted
for the last 500 years.
1214
01:32:48,855 --> 01:32:51,274
And it was me who said goodbye.
1215
01:33:08,291 --> 01:33:09,710
- Hi, Spike.
- Hello, mate.
1216
01:33:09,793 --> 01:33:11,920
One more split shift
and I'm chucking this.
1217
01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:14,423
That inspector must think
I'm a Siamese twin.
1218
01:33:14,506 --> 01:33:16,234
There's a lot of money
in split shifts, mate.
1219
01:33:16,258 --> 01:33:17,858
You'll be glad with the lolly next term.
1220
01:33:17,884 --> 01:33:18,927
University.
1221
01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:22,556
Two more weeks and we'll be there.
All those new birds, eh?
1222
01:33:22,639 --> 01:33:24,224
Fresh out of some convent school.
1223
01:33:24,307 --> 01:33:26,727
- I told you I'd given them up.
- Oh, yeah, we know.
1224
01:33:26,810 --> 01:33:28,610
You can pull the other one.
It's got bells on.
1225
01:33:28,687 --> 01:33:31,064
You know, it's a miracle
you got a university place,
1226
01:33:31,148 --> 01:33:33,400
all that crumpeteering you did.
1227
01:33:37,446 --> 01:33:40,907
I'm gonna wait till I'm really old,
then line them up,
1228
01:33:40,991 --> 01:33:45,245
all the birds I've ever known,
shut me eyes and pick one.
1229
01:33:45,412 --> 01:33:48,457
Yeah, you need to.
Some of the ones you've known.
1230
01:33:51,168 --> 01:33:52,419
Audrey.
1231
01:33:53,253 --> 01:33:56,298
I wonder which comic
is in bed with her now.
1232
01:33:56,381 --> 01:33:57,507
A piece of sex here
1233
01:33:57,591 --> 01:34:00,969
and a bit of a relationship there
won't work.
1234
01:34:01,636 --> 01:34:03,680
I know what'll happen to Caroline.
1235
01:34:04,264 --> 01:34:06,224
Capable Caroline.
1236
01:34:07,184 --> 01:34:10,562
Paula. She'll catch her curate.
1237
01:34:11,062 --> 01:34:14,566
Suppose I had to go through it all.
But what a drag.
1238
01:34:16,193 --> 01:34:17,819
Even runny old Linda.
1239
01:34:18,695 --> 01:34:19,988
Cor!
1240
01:34:20,363 --> 01:34:22,449
I did go through with it all
and that's it.
1241
01:34:22,532 --> 01:34:25,160
I've had me promiscuity bit.
1242
01:34:28,455 --> 01:34:30,123
Well, back to the grind.
1243
01:34:31,041 --> 01:34:32,761
- Here, did you hear how they got on?
- Who?
1244
01:34:32,834 --> 01:34:34,544
Mary and Claire.
1245
01:34:43,845 --> 01:34:45,972
Seems a million years ago now.
1246
01:34:47,224 --> 01:34:50,894
Mary failed her English.
She won't get in anywhere now.
1247
01:34:51,061 --> 01:34:52,938
Doesn't matter. She'll be all right.
1248
01:34:54,272 --> 01:34:58,193
- How did Claire do?
- Very good grades, probably get a grant.
1249
01:34:58,276 --> 01:35:00,403
- Hmm.
- She's coming with us to Manchester.
1250
01:35:00,487 --> 01:35:02,906
God, I better stay clear of her then.
1251
01:35:02,989 --> 01:35:06,785
I'll have you know
I find her unbelievably attractive.
1252
01:35:10,914 --> 01:35:13,041
- Hmm.
- But she hates men.
1253
01:35:16,002 --> 01:35:18,797
I thought you said you were off women.
1254
01:35:23,385 --> 01:35:24,845
Hair's nice.
1255
01:35:25,262 --> 01:35:26,388
Hmm.
1256
01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,807
Perhaps her legs aren't too bad.
1257
01:35:29,432 --> 01:35:31,726
That's the kind of girl
I'd like to marry.
1258
01:35:32,519 --> 01:35:34,771
She seems a nice class of person.
1259
01:35:37,566 --> 01:35:38,692
Wahey!
1260
01:35:40,443 --> 01:35:41,611
Hey!
95135
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