All language subtitles for Come Fly With Me S01E03 720p BluRay H264 BONE

This series looks at life in one
of Britain's busiest airports.

On today's show, would-be
pilot Tommy goes plane spotting.

There's a plane!

There's a plane.

Flylo owner, Omar, gets personal.

Richard Branston is well known homosexual.

If you want to have bum bum time
in the sky, you fly with him!

And we go behind the scenes
to meet the baggage handlers.

It's 7 am and Melody's first passengers
of the day are proving difficult.

Children under two travel free,

but Melody believes this
woman's son may not qualify.

Ross will be two the day
after we get back from Malaga!

- He doesn't look two to me.
- Well, he's big for his age!

He's playing a computer game!

They grow up so fast these days... he's
walking, he's talking, he's even smoking.

Madam, if a child is above 24 months
you need to buy them their own seat.

He's going to sit on my lap.
I ain't sitting on your lap!

- You are sitting on my lap!
- I ain't gay.

Ross, come here. How old are you?

Ross...

One and half.

What year were you born?

- Last year.
- See.

I'm sorry, madam, I
don't believe your son is

under 24 months and as such you
will have to buy him own ticket.

Slag.

- Dealing with the public can be very stressful.
- Stressful, yeah.

But if you work at check-in, you
do get a great discount on flights.

- In fact I went away only last week.
- Did you have a good time?

Yeah, the weather was amazing and I just laid out
by the pool and there was loads of really hot guys.

- Where did you go?
- Abroad.
- Yeah, but where?

Well, I didn't get the name of
the country, but it was very nice.

Flylo owner, Omar Baba, is not
enjoying the morning papers.

Yesterday a passenger lost a leg on board one
of his flights and the story is everywhere.

She claims that because the
seats were too close together,

her leg was trapped and
she developed blood clot

and in the end the stewardess
had no option but to amputate.

I do not feel in any way responsible,
but as gesture of good will

I sent her a very beautiful
Christian Louboutin shoe.

To reassure potential customers,
Omar has decided to film a commercial.

Hello, my name is Omar Baba.

You know me, I am the owner of Flylo.

Some people have criticised my
airline for not having enough

leg room, but I'm here to reassure
you that there is more than enough.

Here are some of my happy passengers.

Hello, my friends, have
you got enough leg room?

- Yes, thank you, Omar.
- You see.

Flylo has so much leg
room, maybe too much.

No?

Did you use dwarves in that?

No, they were not dwarves.

How dare you? How dare
you insult them like that!

Get out, get out, get out
of my plane! Shoo shoo.

Go, go, get out of my plane!

Half an hour, later Omar
calls us back to his office.

I would like to take opportunity
to apologise for my outburst.

I've since found out that
they were, in fact, dwarves.

I've launched full investigation
at how this could happened

and in meantime, I've had
dwarves sent back to Magic Forest.

Is you rolling, is you rolling?

Don't lie, is you rolling? What you
filming this on anyway, is it 3D?

You do know if it not 3D nobody's
going to watch it, isn't it?

Taaj works as one of Flylo's roving ground crew,
but his real ambition is to become a film director.

Ok, so here's my favourite films
of all time in reversalogical order.

Avatar, Transformers 2 Revenge Of
The Fallen, Avatar: Director's Cut,

Transformers, Prince of Persia:
The Sands of Time, Clash of Titans,

Avatar: Ultimate Edition, Avatar: Special
Edition, Winnie the Pooh on a Blustery Day,

X-Men Origins: Wolverine and me
favouritest film of all time is Avatar 2.

I know it's not been made yet, but I just
know it's going to be the best film ever.

A committed film fan, Taaj often comes
in early to browse the latest DVDs.

There's some good movies here, isn't it? Have
you seen this movie, Alien Versus Predator?

This is exactly the kind of
movie I would like to direct.

Because it's actually twice as good as most
movies, because it's got Alien and Predator.

There's another movie like
this... Freddie Versus Jason.

And then I saw another one, but I didn't
think it was as good... Kramer Versus Kramer.

I think it's really wrong that people illegally
download films. It's killing the film industry, man.

I would never do that, I buy all my films.

I don't buy them here...
it's way too expensive.

I buy them from this Chinese man down
the pub, they is only 99p, isn't it?

- Oh, man, Avatar. Have you see Avatar?
- No.

You haven't? You're gay, man,
I'm not being funny, you are gay.

Chief Immigration Officer,
Ian Foot, has to stay

in peak physical condition to
safeguard our nation's borders.

Every day millions of people try
and enter this country illegally.

A lot of them are foreign,
many of them are dirty

and unfortunately all of them are smelly.

My job, in a word, is to keep them out.

This morning, suspicions have arisen over
a passenger who has flown in from Paris.

Do-you-understand-why-you-are-here?

Yes, I speak perfect English.

Good!

The problem is I do not believe you are the
same person as in your passport photograph.

It is me. I just had a
moustache when that was taken.

- That is not the only difference.
- What else is there?

- The shirt is different.
- Yes, I was wearing a
different shirt that day.

- The background is different.
- You don't say.

Also in the photograph
your face is grey in colour,

whereas today it's more of a pinky hue.

The picture is in black and
white. What are you, an idiot?

That sort of language will have
you thrown out of this country.

You make no mistake about that, young lad.

To help settle the issue,

Ian decides to take a different approach.

Right.

Ah.

In the photograph the gentleman
clearly has a moustache,

but you look like you've just had one
drawn on with a pen. Not even very well.

I've decided that the best course
of action is to detain our friend

here until such time that his
moustache grows and take a view then.

If in doubt, keep them out.

Great British Air's only flying couple are
Captain Simon Trent and his wife, Jackie.

You've put on a lot of weight. We've been
through this. I didn't marry a fat man.

But today, for the first
time, they are working apart.

We're actually flying to
different places today.

That's right. I've been put
on a flight to the Isle of Man.

Whereas Simon is jetting off to Las Vegas.
Las Vegas... the city of sin, isn't it, Simon?

- I wouldn't know.
- Oh, you would know, you know all about sin.

- Jackie...
- Lap dancing bars galore.

- Hookers on call 24 hours a day.
- Are there?
- Yes, there are.

- I Googled escort service Las Vegas
and there were 1.3 million results.
- What did you do that for?

Because a marriage is all about trust and unfortunately,
you broke that trust when you had an affair.

How many times! It wasn't an
affair, it was a one-night stand.

You told me you did it again in the
morning and that to me is an affair.

I think every woman out
there would agree with me.

At the boarding gate for the flight to Las Vegas,
Jackie is waiting with a surprise for Simon.

- What's she doing here?
- Hello, Simon.

I booked Mummy a last-minute seat so she could come with
you. I know how much you love spending time with her.

- Yes.
- Come on, Simon!

- Have a great time together.
- We will.

I bought her some mace and a rape alarm,
just in case he tries it on with her.

Every day thousands of items of
luggage pass through the airport.

They are sorted by handlers
like John and his son, Terry.

Nah, this ain't the easiest
job in the world, this.

- All people do is moan
about us, don't they, Dad?
- Yeah.

They say we're always on strike,
or stealing stuff from the luggage.

Yeah, but if we're on strike, we can't be
stealing stuff from the luggage, can we?

And if we're stealing from the
luggage, we must be at work.

So the idea that we're always doing
both at the same time is just not true.

Yeah, people moan that their bags
always end up in the wrong places.

You see the thing is if we're
supposed to get a bag on the flight

to New York and we miss it we
just sling it on a plane to Delhi.

At least that way the passenger's got the peace
of mind of knowing that their bag has left London.

- And the cases are getting heavier.
- It's a nightmare.

Some people can't go abroad without
taking the kitchen sink nowadays.

Well, it ain't a problem for you,
you don't lift no cases no more.

Nah, I put me back out 2003, so
I don't lift no bags no more, nah.

Nah, I'm lucky not to
be in a wheelchair, me.

- You was only lifting an umbrella.
- Yeah, had a wooden handle, though.

Cheeky sod.

♪ Morning has broken... ♪

It's 11:30 and over at the coffee kiosk,
Precious is once again having to close early.

Before my shift started this
morning me went to the nail salon

in Terminal 2 to get
some false nails put on.

It is me stepniece Prudence's
christening on the weekend,

but the women in the nail salon, she made my nails
too long and, look, they're not my colour either.

Look, you see, you see the nail?

So now me cannot grip properly. So
me cannot make no double espresso.

Me cannot make no skinny latte. Me cannot make no
caramel macchiato and me cannot make no frappe cappuccino!

Beware Satan. So it is with great regret that I must
close the store early and go back to the nail salon

and have another manicure and also a pedicure. Praise
be to Jesus for his complimentary peppermint foot scrub!

He died so that we may live. Amen.

Penny is the head stewardess in
Great British Air's First Class.

Our first class service
is the finest in the world.

Upon boarding one is served
champagne and canapes.

Then it's a five-course lunch with wine.

Ten minutes after that we serve
sandwiches and scones then after

that it's dinner, followed by
a cheese board and liqueurs.

Then you're force-fed a whole
box of chocolate truffles.

Then we darken the cabin for a few seconds and then
serve a full English breakfast. Welcome to First Class.

Today she is welcoming passengers
on board a flight to New York.

Our departure today will be
slightly delayed. We had a Welsh

gentleman travelling with us this morning and as a
precaution I had the entire first class cabin de-loused.

- Welcome to First Class.
- Afternoon.
- Economy is that way.

- No, we're travelling First Class.
- Let me see your boarding passes.

Our son bought us the tickets
for our 40th wedding anniversary.

- Have you travelled First Class before?
- No.

I don't think you'd like it in there.

- I think you'd find it too nice.
- Well, we're happy to give it a try.

The thing is, there are people in there who travel
First Class all the time and one of the things

they pay for is not to have
to look at people like you.

But we've got First Class seats.

But if I let you in, you'll hog
the copy of Tattler, you'll try

and steal the Molton Brown handwash from
the lavatorium and you'll spit on the floor.

- We wouldn't do that!
- You look like spitters to me.

We've got the tickets and we're
going in whether you like it or not!

Tommy came to the airport to pursue
his dream of becoming a pilot.

But so far, he's only made
it as far as Happy Burger.

It's going really well.

I'm nae a pilot just yet, but I have
got three stars on my name badge.

Er, this one was for being here a week.

This one was for putting the cheese into cheese
burgers and this one was for mopping up sick.

They're so impressed with me they've
made me be Assistant Supervisor.

So now it's my job to
train up the new staff.

Can I have a burger, please?

- Burger
-. Burger.

- Press burger.
- Press burger.

- Onion rings.
- Onion rings.

Onion rings.

Press onion rings.

Press onion rings.

I do still like to have the Supervisor with
me, just to make sure I'm doing it right.

- Fries.
- Fries.

Fries. What size fries?

- What fries size?
- What fries fries?

- Small.
- Small.

- Small.
- Press small then.

Press small then.

- Strawberry milkshake.
- Strawberry milkshake.

- Chocolate milkshake.
- No, strawberry milkshake.

- No strawberry milkshake.
- No strawberry milkshake.

I have to be careful though.
If I too many get stars

there's a danger I may become
over-qualified to be a pilot.

Can I have the code
for the toilet, please?

Can I have the code
for the toilet, please?

- Can I have the code
for the toilet, please?
- 295.

245.

361.

Penny's flight for New York
is minutes from takeoff.

Look at her!

Disgusting little piggy. Eugh!

Look at him. Guzzling champagne
like some filthy backstreet wino.

- Excuse me, would you
take a photo of us, please?
- That's it. Out!

- What we done wrong?
- Lewd behaviour.

- Excuse me?
- Loutishness, coarseness
and all round general yokelism.

On your feet, chop chop, out.

We're not going anywhere! You've been nothing
but rude to us since the moment we got here.

Air Rage! Air Rage!

Air Rage! Air Rage! Air Rage!

Unfortunately, I had no option but to have
those two passengers ejected from the plane.

Can you stand up for me, please, sir?

My recommendation will be that they
are banned from all future air travel.

So perhaps next time they're on a plane
they'll think about their behaviour.

Well, they won't be on a
plane, but you know what I mean.

- It's one o'clock and Melody and Keeley are
enjoying a well-earned lunch break.
- How's it going?

- Yeah, good. I got the stick, the
patches and the gum.
- Is it working?

- Yeah, I'm down to 40 a day.
- Oh.

- Hi, girls!
- God, you look ready to pop.

I've got a way to go yet.

- Is it twins?
- No, I've had the scan, it's a girl.

At least you won't have to worry
about it being born under weight.

I think it's great you
having a baby at your age.

- Right.
- Yeah, you get more and
more older mums these days.

Yeah, like my mum, she
had me when she was 17.

What a bitch.

Also having lunch are the passengers
of Fearghal's Our Lady Air flight.

We're flying to Rome today, so I put in a special
food order for all the wee Italian folk on board.

For starters we have
melon, with Parma spam.

Then spaghetti hoops. And for dessert...

a Cornetto!

We were meant to have some nice
Italian red wine, but it didn't arrive.

So I'm just giving
everyone a carton of Ribena.

Right. Who's ready for lunch?

Will you be dining with us today?
Will you be dining with us today?

Yes, please, but I ordered a special meal.

That's right, 17D, Mr Ahmed.

Yes, I have it right here. There we are.

Thank you.

Excuse me, I ordered a Halal meal.

- What have I given you?
- You've given me a Kosher meal.

It's all the same, isn't it?

No, no, Halal meal is for Muslims
and the Kosher meal for Jews.

I think you'll find there's only one true god
and that's the Christian God. Enjoy your meal.

Will you be dining with us today?
Will you be dining with us today?

Lunchtime is the perfect
opportunity for Ian Foot to relax.

It's very important the whole
life isn't work, work, work, work.

The rest of the Immigration Officers, they tend to go
off to the canteen together at lunch time. So I like

to relax and unwind by
sitting in my office on my own

and working on an idea I've
had actually for a board game.

It's called Keep Em Out

and it's a fun immigration game
for five to eight-year-olds.

Yes, it's very simple, this white figure here is an
Immigration Officer and you are one of these hordes

of black, brown and yellow figures
and the object of the game is

to gain unlawful access into the
United Kingdom of Great Britain.

So you roll the dice,
four. One, two, three, four.

Pick a card.

"You have smuggled yourself into
the country on the back of a lorry.

Move forward one square." Pick a card.

"You get a job as a mini cab
driver. Move forward five squares."

One, two, three, four, five.

Pick a card.

Ah!

"A terrorist cell is discovered
in your local place of worship.

Move back two squares." That's unlucky.

Pick a card.

"You don't make any effort whatsoever to
learn English, move forward six squares."

One, two, three, four,
five, six. Roll again.

Final square. Congratulations, you have been given a
luxury penthouse at the expense of the British taxpayer.

End of the game. I did send it off to
Waddingtons, but I didn't hear back.

I can only assume they've got
something similar in development.

Officers Roberts and
Stewart work in Customs.

When you go through Customs, you
are required to either pass through

the red channel, which means
you've got goods to declare.

Or the green channel, which
means you've also got goods

to declare, but you're going
to try and get away with it.

A routine search of a passenger
passing through the green channel...

- Someone's been busy.
- ... has revealed a large
aul of illegal substances.

This is quite a find. What we need to do now
before we can officially charge the suspect

is identify and catalogue the substances
found in the gentleman's suitcase.

Yup, I believe this substance
is either cocaine or amphetamine.

I think it's cocaine.

Yeah, that's definitely cocaine.

Cocaine.

Wishwings. Collecting for Wishwings.

Executive Passenger Liaison Moses is spending a
rare afternoon off collecting money for charity.

No? Selfish. Wishwings?

I keep it very quiet, but I
actually do a lot of work for charity

and I have my own charity, called
Wishwings. If you'll pardon the pun.

"We take very ill children and give
them the flight of their lives."

That's a free economy
class ticket one-way.

Last year I took a young girl
to San Francisco. Unfortunately

she was too ill to leave the hotel
room, but I had a wonderful time.

And this year I'm planning to take a group
of sick children to the Sydney Mardi Gras.

Basically, all the parents
get sent one of these

and they can choose any
destination they like.

Oh!

I'm about to meet a very brave
little boy called Charlie.

His parents wrote to me and
said he's not well at all,

so I'm taking him for a magical
weekend in Mykonos. Hello.

- Hello, you must be Moses.
- I didn't know he was in a wheelchair.

I'm afraid Charlie's taken a turn for the
worse so he's had to start using the chair.

- Is that a problem?
- Well, it's just a lot of the
bars I was planning to go to are

- in the backstreets and
there's quite a lot of steps.
- Aren't you taking him to the beach?

To be honest, I'm so shattered from the clubs
the night before I don't make it to the beach.

He was really looking forward to it.

Yes, but the priority for me
has always got to be Charlie.

My concern is only for his health
and well-being. Do you understand me?

- Yes.
- I think the best thing is, I
go to Mykonos and then I call Charlie

while I'm there and tell him what
a wonderful time I'm having. Yeah?

Yeah, would you like that, Charlie? Yeah!

Of course you would, course you would!

Oh, it's not contagious, is it?

Right, well, nice to meet you. Bye-bye.

We'll let you know how he gets on.

Yeah, text me.

Yes, it's a wonderful
feeling helping others.

Just seeing the look on little
Charlie's face when I told him

I was going to phone him from
Mykonos, it was very special.

Sorry. Sorry...

I'm just... I'm just a little
bit upset thinking about Charlie.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

It's just I thinking about Charlie.

I'm fine.

Did you see Charlie's face?

Oh, it's my flight.

Back in customs, Officers Roberts and
Stewart are still cataloguing the drugs.

I dunno what that is.

Heroin.

Is it?

Was they?

Did ya? Nice!

Taaj is reaching the end of his
shift, but has just been phoned

by a colleague who has
some very exciting news.

Ok, so last weekend I wrote a movie
script which I'm going to direct,

produce, star in, do the music and my mother
is very, very kindly going to do the catering.

It's called Future Cop 2000 and it's
all about this cop from the future

called Sanjay who solves crimes and
that. It's really good, isn't it?

Very original, too. Excellent.

So what I need to do is find a big Hollywood movie
star to help me get this project off the ground.

Now I just heard that Rupert Grints from
the Harry Potters is flying in from LA.

So I'm going to see if I
can give the script to him.

I'm so excited, man, this is my chance
to be a big time movie directors!

Rupert. Hey, man, Rupert!

You is that Rupert Grints, isn't it?

- Rupert Grint, yeah.
- That's what I said, Rupert Grints.

- I love you, man, you is like one of my
favouritest actors of all times.
- Thank you.

I love Harry Potter, but I never realised you
looked like that, I thought your face was all CGI.

I haven't seen them all,
though. I've only seen the one

where they're all in a school and
it's all magic, wizards and shit.

- Oh, yeah, and I downloaded
that film Driving School.
- Did you enjoy it?

I'm glad I didn't pay for it. It was
just you and Julie Walters talking.

There were no tits or arse. You
could at least done sex on her.

- It's a really good film.
- No, me and my brother didn't like it.
- Next.

- I've got to get my case,
nice to meet you.
- I've writ a movie script.

Right.

Yeah, it's called Future Cop 2000,
right, and I'm going to star in it,

but I need a really brilliant young
British actor to play the enemy.

- Thanks.
- So can you give that
to Daniel Radcliffe?

Tell him it's the part
of the evil cyber, Wahid!

I'm shaking, man, that
is the actual Ron Weasels!

Flylo recently branched out
into offering package holidays.

But these customers are far from happy.

- I would like a complaint form, please!
- What's the problem?

Well, we booked a holiday through your so-called
company and we have had the holiday from hell!

It was our anniversary, so
we booked to go to Cyprus.

- It all started when
we got off the plane.
- Yes, thank you, Peter.

It all started when we got off the plane and discovered
that the Flylo hotel complex hadn't been built yet.

It was just a mound of earth. Well, that
was our first disappointment, but we thought,

"Ho-hum, let's get on with it," and we
dug a hole in the ground and stayed there.

- We booked for a continental breakfast.
- Yes, thank you, Peter.

We booked for a continental breakfast,
meats and cheeses, a selection

of pastries, a choice of tea or
coffee... but there was no food.

- Not a sausage.
- You're now complicating
matters, Peter, because

- in fairness to Flylo, they never
promised sausages.
- Sorry, Judith.

Apology accepted, Peter. Yes,
there was no food whatsoever, but

we thought, "Ho-hum, no point feeling sorry for
ourselves," and we survived on a diet of insects and grubs.

I'm a vegetarian, so I just ate soil.

Yes, I was coming to that, Peter.

Peter is a vegetarian so he just ate soil.

Now the problem was... I don't know if
the soil hadn't been cooked properly,

- but Peter had a very,
very bad upset stomach.
- Loose stools.

Peter, don't be disgusting...
we don't need to hear about that!

- Sorry, Judith.
- Peter had very loose stools

and for the remainder of the trip was lying on the
ground clutching his guts with a cork up his anus.

Wasn't the worst holiday we've been
on, but it was certainly up there.

It six o'clock and Precious
is still at the airport.

See what the nail shop lady done now?

She take the old nails
off and put new nails on,

but they even longer, and look
what she's done to my foots!

It's the craziness is what it is!

So now me consigned to wheelchair.

So me got no option but to
take the rest of the week off.

The Lord sure do work in mysterious ways.

♪ He got the whole world in his hands

♪ He got the whole wide
world in his hands. ♪

Back at Customs, Officers Roberts and
Stewart continue their investigation.

Yeah, you should just go. Yeah,
cos, like, we're all on a journey.

Er... sorry we stopped you...

just try not to get in
any trouble again, yeah?

Leave us something!

The sun sinks slowly beneath the horizon and
another day at the airport draws to a close.

The Customs Officers felt
a bit down the next day.

The couple ejected from First Class were
taken for questioning in Guantanamo Bay.

And the man detained in
Immigration grew a moustache,

but Ian decided not to
allow him into the country...

as he was French.

corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com