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1
00:00:01,410 --> 00:00:03,010
I want to do more to help.
2
00:00:03,010 --> 00:00:06,210
I will transfer you to the
Department of Answered Prayers.
3
00:00:06,220 --> 00:00:07,750
Impossibles go all the way
to the top.
4
00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:10,080
And so, if anyone
can handle them, he can.
5
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:12,890
I decided to blow up Earth.
I guess that's it.
6
00:00:12,890 --> 00:00:15,890
If I answer one of these
"Impossible" prayers,
7
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,090
you spare Earth.
8
00:00:17,090 --> 00:00:18,490
It's a bet.
9
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,230
I really like this girl.
10
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:22,900
Okay, love prayers never work.
11
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,030
But related prayer.
12
00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:26,200
I really like this guy.
13
00:00:26,970 --> 00:00:28,900
Okay.
This could work.
14
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,650
Rosie, if anyone comes
looking for me,
15
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,050
tell them I'm in a meeting.
16
00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:45,850
With God!
17
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:51,060
Religion...
Stupid, dangerous, pointless.
18
00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:52,260
Just [bleep] everything up.
19
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,730
Hey, I got all
your missed calls.
20
00:00:53,730 --> 00:00:55,530
- What's the emergency?
- Love you, Bill!
21
00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:57,730
Have you heard
of this guy Bill Maher?
22
00:00:57,730 --> 00:00:59,870
The talk-show guy?
Yeah.
23
00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:01,140
Do you think he's funny?
24
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:02,403
'Cause I've been watching
his stuff,
25
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,210
and I don't know
about these jokes.
26
00:01:04,210 --> 00:01:06,210
You mean the jokes about you?
Oh, no.
27
00:01:06,210 --> 00:01:08,010
- I don't care about that.
- I mean
28
00:01:08,010 --> 00:01:11,280
No, I just... I just don't...
I don't think he's funny.
29
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,020
So, what do you want to do?
30
00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:16,550
Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking
about "doing" anything.
31
00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:19,290
I'm just... But now
that you bring it up,
32
00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:21,290
what's that thing
that where we can, uh...
33
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,160
you know...
Kill him?
34
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,760
Whoa! Sanj!
35
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,430
Did you just drop the "K" bomb?
Wow!
36
00:01:27,430 --> 00:01:30,300
Wouldn't want to get
on your bad side, Ice Man.
37
00:01:31,370 --> 00:01:32,570
Ai-ai-uh-uh!
Whoo! Uh!
38
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,840
Ooh! Freezer burn.
39
00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:36,640
But, yeah, kill him.
40
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,710
Okay.
Well, the good news is,
41
00:01:38,710 --> 00:01:40,580
Bill Maher's
already scheduled to die
42
00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:43,180
along with everyone else, when
the Earth explodes in 13 days.
43
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,110
You know what's funny, is that,
44
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:49,250
you know how sometimes, like,
a day can feel so long?
45
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,920
Okay, I'll go find a way
to kill him.
46
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,120
Ice Man.
47
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,790
I love you, buddy.
48
00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:56,120
Okay.
49
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,560
Okay.
50
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,160
If we're gonna get
these humans kissing,
51
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,560
we need to know more about them.
Right.
52
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,900
First up, we have Laura.
24 years old.
53
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:38,970
Works at an escape room
called "Solitary Confunment."
54
00:02:38,970 --> 00:02:41,300
Listen up, ya jailbirds.
55
00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:44,310
A couple of ground rules, see?
56
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,370
Don't touch the actors, see?
57
00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:49,910
And if you're looking for
some clues, just ask the...
58
00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:51,450
warden.
59
00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:52,650
End clip.
60
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,520
What about Sam?
What's his deal?
61
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,320
So, Sam is also 24 years old.
62
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,850
He was born with extra teeth,
63
00:02:57,850 --> 00:02:59,920
and he seems to really love
his grandmother.
64
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,660
Yahtzee!
65
00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:06,330
Oh, this might be harder
than we thought.
66
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,930
Well, look, neither of them
are particularly socially adept.
67
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:11,730
But I ran a compatibility check,
68
00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:14,870
and they scored a 98%.
69
00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:17,670
Whoa!
They have so much in common.
70
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:19,540
They both pretend to text
in elevators
71
00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:21,210
in order to avoid
potential small talk.
72
00:03:21,210 --> 00:03:22,740
They were both
accidentally omitted
73
00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:24,150
from their high-school yearbook.
Dang.
74
00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:25,950
They laugh at the same
insurance commercial,
75
00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:27,750
they cry
at the same car commercial,
76
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:31,290
and they sing along incorrectly
to the same dumb commercial.
77
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:34,090
♪ Chewing some gum
and having a fun ♪
78
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,220
Ooh, they both love gye-ros
with extra green onions.
79
00:03:36,230 --> 00:03:37,830
I think it's pronounced
"jai-ros" but yes,
80
00:03:37,830 --> 00:03:39,523
and they both have
matching pollen allergies.
81
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:42,300
No wonder they want
to be together.
82
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,370
Unfortunately,
they are both so shy
83
00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:46,430
that they haven't
actually communicated
84
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,170
since the night they met.
85
00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:50,170
What are they waiting for?
86
00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:51,970
A sign.
87
00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:54,240
Cool.
How does it work?
88
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:58,650
We send them subtle clues to
gently influence their actions.
89
00:03:58,650 --> 00:04:00,650
- Huh.
- Yeah!
90
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:02,250
Now, on the night they met,
they had
91
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:05,720
a fascinating conversation
about the game of badminton.
92
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,320
Let's have a listen.
93
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,720
So, I hit the badminton thing
with the badminton racket,
94
00:04:09,730 --> 00:04:12,130
and I was like,
"Badminton's fun.
95
00:04:12,130 --> 00:04:14,200
I think I like badminton."
96
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,330
Wow. I-I've never played
badminton,
97
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:17,400
but I really want to now.
98
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,130
- You should!
- End clip.
99
00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:20,740
They spoke of badminton.
100
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:23,410
Thus, if we remind them
of badminton,
101
00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:25,410
they will see it as a sign...
102
00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:27,480
A call to arms.
103
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,810
Each other's arms, as it were.
104
00:04:30,950 --> 00:04:32,550
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
105
00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:35,220
The game begins.
106
00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:43,690
So, I found some build-up
in Bill Maher's left ventricle.
107
00:04:43,690 --> 00:04:45,160
Looks like all we have to do
is thicken it up,
108
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,630
and he'll have a massive
heart attack by end of day.
109
00:04:47,630 --> 00:04:50,030
Wow, that's great, Sanjay!
110
00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:52,170
So we could explode his heart...
Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:52,170 --> 00:04:53,500
...or his lungs...
112
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,040
or his penis.
113
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,300
Explode his penis?
114
00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,370
Whoa, Sanjay!
115
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,710
Now, that's an idea!
116
00:04:59,710 --> 00:05:01,440
Oh, no. I don't know
if, uh, that's... Rosie!
117
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:03,180
...something that...
118
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:04,910
Wow, you're not
gonna believe this.
119
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,780
Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea
about Bill Maher.
120
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:11,790
About his penis.
121
00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:17,190
I guess, uh... my idea...
122
00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:19,730
is to explode his penis.
123
00:05:19,730 --> 00:05:22,600
Wow.
I know.
124
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,130
Ice Man is on the warpath.
125
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:27,370
Better go handle that.
126
00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:32,540
So, uh, I guess, uh,
we should probably get started.
127
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,280
No.
This is all you.
128
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,610
This is insane!
129
00:05:37,610 --> 00:05:39,550
I'm an executive.
130
00:05:41,350 --> 00:05:43,220
Have fun!
131
00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:45,290
Gust. Gust.
132
00:05:45,290 --> 00:05:48,490
Breeze. Zephyr.
133
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:51,160
Quarter-breeze.
Updraft.
134
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,030
Yes! Boo-yah!
135
00:05:53,030 --> 00:05:55,560
In a mere six hours,
I've successfully blown
136
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,830
a badminton birdie
from a rooftop court
137
00:05:57,830 --> 00:06:00,440
all the way
to Laura's living room.
138
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,870
That is what I call a sign.
139
00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:07,240
Mmm.
What is that?
140
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,440
It's a mustard packet.
It's a little treat.
141
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:11,580
You do something good,
you get a little reward.
142
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,580
Here. Have one.
143
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:15,650
Oh, hello. Look.
It's happening.
144
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,990
Hmm.
145
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:24,990
Okay.
Onto the next sign.
146
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,930
Craig, okay, I've been
doing research,
147
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:29,730
and it seems like people
never pick up on signs.
148
00:06:29,730 --> 00:06:32,330
Okay? No matter
how obvious they are. Look.
149
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:33,800
Ooh!
150
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,610
'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.
151
00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:39,340
Well, time for the theater.
152
00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:40,880
This will be a normal night.
153
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,810
See? This badminton thing
is not gonna work.
154
00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:45,750
We need to be bolder.
155
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,020
What?
156
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,820
Eliza?
157
00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:50,950
Out of my way, black cat.
158
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,690
I'm late for my fun play.
159
00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:17,510
Hey, colleagues!
160
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,120
Ahh!
I'm Sanjay from upstairs.
161
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,190
Love what you guys do down here.
Oh, thanks.
162
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,390
Um, we... we hardly ever
get acknowledged, so...
163
00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:28,920
Listen, I'm gonna need you
to explode Bill Maher's penis.
164
00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:31,060
What?
It's important.
165
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:33,600
Um, sir, I-I think there's
been a misunderstanding
166
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,060
about what we do here
in Genitals.
167
00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:36,600
Our powers are
extremely limited.
168
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,070
We mainly just try
to enforce puberty.
169
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:40,740
Well, I need this dick exploded.
170
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:44,540
So I guess you better
get to it, huh?
171
00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:47,540
Thaaaaanks, guys.
172
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,010
Okay.
173
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,850
Do you guys know how to...
174
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,280
Ha!
I figured it out.
175
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,020
We can get Sam
and Laura together.
176
00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:58,750
We just need to engineer...
a Chance Encounter.
177
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,960
Oh, no.
Those are very risky.
178
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,160
Check it out.
179
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,160
They both live near
the same hospital,
180
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,560
so all we need to do is get
them there at the same time.
181
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,360
Step one... injure Laura.
182
00:08:08,370 --> 00:08:11,500
I found a melon near an open
window along her route to work.
183
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,700
We blow it off,
it clonks her on the head,
184
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:15,300
and she goes straight to the ER.
185
00:08:15,310 --> 00:08:18,840
With Sam, I figure we
just pop his appendix.
186
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,180
They spot each other in the ER,
187
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:24,250
sparks fly, they kiss.
188
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,450
World saved.
189
00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:28,780
Okay. It's very...
It's... I don't...
190
00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:30,120
I don't know, though.
Um...
191
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,790
Oh, don't worry.
Appendixes are easy.
192
00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:33,590
Look, there's even a button
for it.
193
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:34,920
Oh, you've seen that.
194
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,590
Um...
I know.
195
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:39,130
This is not the kind of stuff
you usually do,
196
00:08:39,130 --> 00:08:41,260
and it's a little, you know...
197
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,060
It's outside
of your comfort zone,
198
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,800
and I get why you're scared.
199
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,730
Oh, no. No.
I'm not scared.
200
00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:48,000
You're not?
No.
201
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,670
I'm a bold, intrepid man
with a strong mind.
202
00:08:50,670 --> 00:08:51,670
I'm a risk taker.
203
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,610
I'm a big, bad boy.
204
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:57,410
So that's a yes to the plan?
205
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,550
Yes.
206
00:08:58,550 --> 00:08:59,550
Yes?
Yes.
207
00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:01,220
Yes!
Yeah.
208
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,420
Oh, yes.
Okay.
209
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:06,690
I hope these lovebirds
like hospital food.
210
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:11,890
Oh, Jean-Claude,
I'd be lost without you.
211
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:13,560
Don't neglect the heel cap.
212
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:14,960
You know what they say.
213
00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,230
It's not the clothes
that make the man.
214
00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:17,900
It's the man who makes the...
215
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,170
Aren't you meant to be off
dealing with that penis?
216
00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:21,100
Oh, yeah.
I put someone on that.
217
00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:23,840
Part of being an executive
is knowing when to delegate.
218
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,910
Sanjay!
Get in here!
219
00:09:25,910 --> 00:09:27,080
You don't have to come.
220
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,710
Look at this!
Bill Maher,
221
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,450
or should we say "Bill More,"
222
00:09:32,450 --> 00:09:34,320
was feeling cocky as he dragged
223
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,250
more than one hot dog
down the street.
224
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:38,590
His dick grew!
225
00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:40,790
We asked
the anti-religious provocateur
226
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:43,390
how he felt about his blessing,
and the funnyman quipped,
227
00:09:43,390 --> 00:09:46,190
"God is as fake
as my dick is huge."
228
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,200
Happy birthday to Bill Maher!
229
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,800
Come on!
I don't know what happened!
230
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,130
I'll tell you what happened.
231
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,670
You messed up, man!
232
00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:54,140
I thought you could handle this.
233
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:56,370
You're supposed to be
an executive.
234
00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:03,150
Stick around for more girthy
gossip right after the break.
235
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:04,480
All right.
236
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,080
Melon is in position.
237
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,620
All we got to do now
is hit this button,
238
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:11,090
and bonk!
We're in business.
239
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:13,220
Laura approaching.
240
00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:15,290
All right.
Let's do this.
241
00:10:17,830 --> 00:10:18,960
Oh, no! Wait!
242
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,160
Um, we...
We don't have enough power
243
00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:23,170
to execute this sequence.
What?
244
00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:26,770
We need to increase the voltage
to the valve coil,
245
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:28,370
which is sort of
down there a bit.
246
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:29,240
Oh. Oh, okay.
247
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,570
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
248
00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:31,970
Dream team.
Whoo-hoo, yes.
249
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,320
Huh.
250
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,660
I couldn't find a breaker box
or anything resembling a...
251
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,330
What the
252
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:56,000
What happened?
Oh, no!
253
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,330
Did it fall early?!
254
00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:59,800
Oh, what a disappointment
for both of us.
255
00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:03,740
So, I had an idea for a sign
256
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:05,870
involving their matching
pollen allergies.
257
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,740
Did you do this?
258
00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:11,280
Yes! Yes, yes!
Why?
259
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,750
Because I... If I can
be extremely blunt,
260
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:16,280
I just thought that your plan
was maybe possibly...
261
00:11:16,290 --> 00:11:17,420
Stupid.
My plan was stupid.
262
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,553
No.
Is that what you're saying?
263
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,090
No, no, no, no, no.
264
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:21,690
It's... It's just that,
yesterday, you...
265
00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,760
You did cause that typhoon,
266
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,030
which unfortunately
killed many people, and then,
267
00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:27,563
after that, you convinced God
to blow up the Earth,
268
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:31,630
so I just think that a little
bit of caution is advisable.
269
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,640
You're not cautious, Craig.
270
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:35,900
You're a coward.
271
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:41,380
Oh, shit.
My melon.
272
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:43,180
There goes our fruit salad.
273
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,150
Barbara's gonna be furious.
274
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,220
Oh.
275
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:56,560
Good.
There you are.
276
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,090
Um...
277
00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:01,030
can we go back downstairs
where it's not as dangerous
278
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:04,170
and there's not ledges
to stand near?
279
00:12:04,170 --> 00:12:05,970
Uh, right you are.
280
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,970
I'm very sorry
that I broke the melon.
281
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:14,640
It's fine.
282
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:18,250
I was just trying to help,
but, as usual,
283
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:19,650
I made things worse.
284
00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:22,580
Eliza, you're down
on yourself, and I get it.
285
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:24,720
If the world explodes,
then you will go down
286
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,320
as history's greatest murderer.
287
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,120
Nobody wants that.
From now on,
288
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:30,730
I am just going to stay
out of the way.
289
00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:31,860
No.
Please no.
290
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,660
I need you in the way.
Why?
291
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:36,330
Because you were right about me.
292
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,730
Right?
I am not brave.
293
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:40,070
Not even slightly.
But you are.
294
00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,200
And... And that... That's...
295
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:43,270
That's what Earth needs
right now.
296
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:46,040
And I certainly can't do this
without you.
297
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,610
Also, I've been thinking
about it, and you were right.
298
00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:53,280
A Chance Encounter
really might work.
299
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,680
We just have to refine
the execution a bit.
300
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,020
How?
301
00:12:58,020 --> 00:13:00,160
Well, I don't know yet,
but I was kind of hoping
302
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,960
we could figure that
out together.
303
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,830
Okay.
304
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,170
Okay.
Downstairs?
305
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:11,430
Yes.
Thank you,
306
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,440
thank you.
307
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,640
What the shit?!
308
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,440
Oh, I-I-I can explain.
309
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:25,450
We pumped Bill Maher's glands
full of hormones in hopes
310
00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:28,650
that his penis would expand
and then pop like a balloon,
311
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:31,850
and everything was going
smoothly, but then...
312
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:33,520
What?!
313
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,920
As Bill's penis became larger,
314
00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:38,730
it grew more... more beautiful.
315
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:41,200
At a certain point, we realized
it would be immoral for us
316
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,860
to destroy something so perfect.
317
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:44,200
I don't care.
318
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,670
This is coming from the top!
319
00:13:45,670 --> 00:13:48,340
Just blow it up!
320
00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:51,740
With respect, we refuse.
321
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,810
This isn't
the Department of Anuses.
322
00:13:53,810 --> 00:13:55,480
We have integrity.
323
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:56,750
Okay, fine!
324
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:59,210
I'll do it myself!
325
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:01,350
Pump-O-Tron activated.
326
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,550
Why isn't this working?
327
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,620
You have to put your eyes up
to the eye hole,
328
00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:10,760
and, uh, stare at
the penis when you pump.
329
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,690
Why?
330
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,460
Uh, I don't...
331
00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,830
How many pumps
is this gonna take?
332
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,440
50,000.
333
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,510
50,000?
334
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:26,040
Yeah. 50,000.
335
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:31,650
1.
336
00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:33,450
2.
337
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:35,520
Okay, here's our target...
Bob's Hummus House.
338
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,720
It's perfect...
Halfway between Sam
339
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,660
and Laura's apartments. And, most
importantly, it serves their favorite food.
340
00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,260
Gyros.
341
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:43,660
Let's get them there.
342
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:46,460
First step... cut off
their food supply.
343
00:14:46,460 --> 00:14:49,130
Oh. Dang.
344
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:50,200
Laura's a little trickier.
345
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,730
She never has any food
in the house.
346
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:52,930
Always orders in.
347
00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:55,400
Lucky for us,
there's a simple fix.
348
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:58,270
We blow up the satellite
for her cellphone provider.
349
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,010
Oh, dang.
350
00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:06,010
Nice work.
Now to lure them in.
351
00:15:17,030 --> 00:15:19,500
Mmm, gye-ro.
352
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,960
Mmm.
353
00:15:22,970 --> 00:15:24,400
Jai-ros.
354
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:29,840
30 seconds to contact.
355
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,240
Wait.
Why is Sam stopping?
356
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,180
Ooh, pizza.
357
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:34,380
No, no, no.
What?
358
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:35,710
No, I've scanned the route
three times.
359
00:15:35,710 --> 00:15:37,650
Every place Sam likes
should be closed by now.
360
00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:39,780
No, something's happening
at Pizza Bongiorno.
361
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:42,380
If you're just joining us,
comedian Bill Maher
362
00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:45,520
is dead after a tragic
and confusing incident
363
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,590
that has shaken the world
of comedy and medicine.
364
00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:50,390
We have to close
that shop. Now.
365
00:15:50,390 --> 00:15:52,590
Maher's family has announced
that the funeral
366
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,800
will
"definitely be closed casket."
367
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,200
Aaaah!
368
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,400
I did it.
369
00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:03,810
It's done.
370
00:16:03,810 --> 00:16:07,010
Look.
Look, he's turning back around.
371
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:08,210
Yes!
372
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:10,010
Awesome work.
We're back on track.
373
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,150
Thank you,
and this pizza gentleman
374
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:12,350
is gonna live, right?
375
00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:14,420
We are back on track.
376
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,160
No! They're gonna miss
each other!
377
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,230
What do we do now?
378
00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:25,190
I've got an idea.
379
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,030
Matching pollen allergies.
380
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,570
You're good.
381
00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:35,570
Gesundheit.
382
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:36,970
Sam?
383
00:16:36,970 --> 00:16:38,640
Laura?
384
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,610
Wow.
385
00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:44,250
Now what?
386
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:47,450
Now we just sit back
and watch the sparks fly.
387
00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:57,390
Remember the bathroom line
at the party?
388
00:16:57,390 --> 00:16:59,260
Yeah, yeah.
389
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:01,200
It was long.
390
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,270
Ohh, no.
391
00:17:03,270 --> 00:17:04,600
- Not like here.
- Nope.
392
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,600
There's... There's
no bathroom line.
393
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,270
Nope.
394
00:17:10,270 --> 00:17:12,610
I can't watch this.
It's really hard to watch.
395
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:20,280
Can I maybe get your number?
Do you want to hang out sometime?
396
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,680
Yes.
397
00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:22,480
What?! Yes!
398
00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:23,420
Yes!
Go on!
399
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:24,890
Oh, yes!
Never in doubt!
400
00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:26,750
Yes! Yeah!
Yes!
401
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,360
Yes!
Oh!
402
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:29,420
- Go!
- Yes!
403
00:17:29,430 --> 00:17:31,630
Go, Sam and Laura.
404
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:34,430
Oh, thank you.
Help yourself to one of these. Oh, no.
405
00:17:34,430 --> 00:17:35,630
I'm gonna put you in your phone.
406
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,300
My... Your...
407
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,340
I'm gonna put my name as "Sam." Sam.
Yeah.
408
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:48,310
All right, Sanjay!
409
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:50,450
I hope you're proud.
You look proud.
410
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,650
Tell you what,
I'm proud of you. Wow.
411
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:56,050
I mean, I know
how much you hated Bill Maher.
412
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:57,990
How much he hurt you.
413
00:17:57,990 --> 00:17:59,990
And it would've been so easy
for you
414
00:17:59,990 --> 00:18:02,660
to just keep taking the hits,
night after night,
415
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:04,260
special after special.
416
00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:05,660
But you stuck to your guns,
417
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:09,530
and that's why you are
one heck of an executive.
418
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,400
Thanks, God.
419
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,870
All right.
420
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:16,340
I hope you're hungry
for some gumbo.
421
00:18:16,340 --> 00:18:17,540
What?
422
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:18,540
Aah!
423
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,740
For Lazy Susan's!
424
00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:22,543
Oh, I bet you thought I forget
about our restaurant.
425
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:24,880
Now, don't worry.
I am still all in,
426
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,820
fully committed to our dream.
427
00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:30,950
Now, I need you to taste-test
all of these gumbos immediately.
428
00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:33,960
They range from very thick
to almost solid.
429
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,090
Can Rosie taste some of the gumbos?
I'm allergic.
430
00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,760
Well, that's more for you.
431
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,160
Ah, love you, buddy.
I love you.
432
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:44,970
Uh-huh.
433
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,170
Oh, and let me know
if you find my tweezers.
434
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:48,840
Oh, okay.
435
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,170
No, no, no, no.
436
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,710
Rosie, Rosie.
Rosie, this is ridiculous.
437
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:54,510
Okay, I'm not even hungry.
438
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:56,580
I ate a full lunch.
439
00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:57,850
My arms are in a sling.
440
00:18:57,850 --> 00:19:00,050
I've got to come
at this mouth-first?!
441
00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:01,520
This is crazy!
442
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,320
I'm an executive!
443
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,790
Good morning, good morning.
How's it going?
444
00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:07,920
She's already texting him.
445
00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:09,460
Oh, nice.
446
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:10,760
Oh, thanks.
447
00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:21,140
Oh!
I am so sorry.
448
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:23,470
No, don't, uh...
449
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,540
...worry about it.
450
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:29,210
Who's this guy?
451
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,550
I don't know.
452
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:33,080
You know, it's funny. I...
453
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,020
I ran in here to get
out of the rain.
454
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:40,490
And once we started talking,
the rain stopped.
455
00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:43,420
Maybe it's a sign.
456
00:19:43,430 --> 00:19:44,490
Maybe.
457
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,500
Not a sign. Not a sign.
No. No. How?
458
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,000
How would that be a sign?! No, it's not!
It's not a [bleep] sign!
459
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,830
Pizza-shop owner
and philanthropist
460
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,300
Vincent Alfonsi is fighting
for his life tonight
461
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,040
after his appendix ruptured,
462
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:01,040
leaving him stranded for hours
inside his darkened pizzeria.
463
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,240
Alfonsi, known for
the Thanksgiving pies
464
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,320
that he distributes personally
to the city's neediest children,
465
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,450
will never walk again.
466
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:10,250
In my 20 years as a journalist,
467
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:13,320
I've never seen such a beloved
community fixture suffer
468
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,520
so randomly and horribly.
469
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:18,060
It makes one question
everything.
470
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:19,260
Sports is next.
32883
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