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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,029 You shall go to the funeral. 2 00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:07,429 You are a lovely, brilliant sister. 3 00:00:07,430 --> 00:00:08,829 I was starting to get desperate. 4 00:00:08,830 --> 00:00:11,259 Evidently. 5 00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:13,159 And you really don't have one decent black pair? 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,829 Well, I did have, 7 00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:16,759 but I painted yellow stripes on them last week -- 8 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,729 you know, for funky bumblebee shoes 9 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,359 for my sexy bumblebee outfit. 10 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,359 Oh, ooh, yeah. 11 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,429 Ed didn't like it -- scared of bees. 12 00:00:24,430 --> 00:00:26,330 -Should've checked. -Weirdo. 13 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:30,099 [Softly] On that topic... 14 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,829 Keith and I have let that side of things slip lately, 15 00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:34,899 and I was wondering if you could help? 16 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,399 Oh, Debs, 17 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,399 I like Keith, 18 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,929 he's a sweetie, but I'm with Ed now. 19 00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:42,329 You're not funny -- and exactly! 20 00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:44,229 You and Ed are still in the honeymoon period, 21 00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:46,259 plus you've always been more... 22 00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:50,099 elaborate and experimental in that department. 23 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,029 I was such a hot bumblebee. 24 00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:54,399 We have the whole day, 25 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,399 the whole house, to ourselves. 26 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,659 Keith wants go to Ikea. 27 00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:59,659 I want to do something more exciting. 28 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,100 Oh, you mean... 29 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,829 Oh! 30 00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,329 Where are the kiddywinks? 31 00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:08,229 Charlie's at Mum and Dad's, 32 00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,659 Ellie's with her friends 33 00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,829 after finally, finally seeing the light about Tim! 34 00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:14,759 No, no, you're not dumping me, I'm dumping you! 35 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,899 Do you hear that? 36 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,259 You are dumped! 37 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:20,560 [Loud rock music playing] 38 00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:26,999 Alan, we're about to set off for a funeral. 39 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,899 You are wearing a white shirt and holding ketchup. 40 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:31,299 Shall I start the camcorder now? 41 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,959 Relax, I'll aim it away. 42 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,959 I won't get a drop on me. 43 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,829 Thank you. Hi. 44 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,229 Sorry to hear about your friend, Ed. 45 00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:41,159 -How did he -- -Lauren didn't tell you? 46 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,059 Well, perhaps it's best if you don't know the details, 47 00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:46,599 but suffice it to say it was an accident. 48 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:47,929 Debs won't laugh. 49 00:01:47,930 --> 00:01:49,759 -Will you, Debs? -No. 50 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,229 Don visited a safari park, and... 51 00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:53,629 there were these monkeys -- 52 00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:56,229 [Snickering] 53 00:01:56,230 --> 00:01:57,899 Second thoughts, I... 54 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,599 I'd better get back. 55 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,400 Lauren, if I need to call you later for advice? 56 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:10,459 And, uh, spicy food increases libido, 57 00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:13,399 releases endorphins. 58 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,230 Or you could always do it sideways on a big beanbag! 59 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,959 See? 60 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,960 Not a drop on me. 61 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,160 Subtitle by peritta 62 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,499 Funerals, eh? 63 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,529 They always make me dwell on my own mortality. 64 00:02:41,530 --> 00:02:42,999 Life after death. 65 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,229 Where do you think we go when we die? 66 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,029 Swindon. 67 00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:47,659 There's got a lovely place there. 68 00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:49,699 Scatter your ashes next to a koi carp lake. 69 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,699 MAN: Edward Walker! 70 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,799 How long's it been? 71 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,159 -Two years? -Mike. 72 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,829 So about as long as my car's 73 00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:59,059 been in one of your rubbish garages! 74 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,199 [Laughs] 75 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,899 You remember my brother, don't you, Alan? 76 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,259 I remember he was always sponging off you. 77 00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,559 Even staying at your house at one point, weren't you, Alan? 78 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,599 Yeah. 79 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,559 Look, uh, a bit hush-hush, 80 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,429 but I'm running a book on the service length. 81 00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,459 Don loved a flutter. 82 00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:14,199 Two nephews have put a fiver on 20 minutes. 83 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,759 Not a chance! 84 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,059 Don chose "Stairway to Heaven" for his final song, 85 00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:19,799 and that's eight minutes on its own! 86 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,029 Eh? 87 00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:25,599 Well, hubba-bubba, what have we here? 88 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,929 This is Lauren, my girlfriend. 89 00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:28,299 Lauren, this is Mike. 90 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,729 He, Don, and I used to work together. 91 00:03:30,730 --> 00:03:32,229 The infamous Laura. 92 00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:33,799 Uh... 93 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,899 Lauren. 94 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,899 And what do you want to be when you grow up, sweetheart? 95 00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,529 Ooh, respected. 96 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:39,929 And famous. 97 00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:41,929 For being the woman who kicked you so hard 98 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,199 you couldn't have children. 99 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,259 Banter, just banter. 100 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,959 Don't want kids anyway -- 101 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,559 would ruin the Porsche. 102 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,429 "Oh, have you got a Porsche now, Mike?" 103 00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:53,529 Oh, I have, as it happens. Ha ha. 104 00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:54,729 Anyway, I heard you two had split up. 105 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:55,929 Eh? Where did you hear that? 106 00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:57,899 Hello, Eddie Bear! 107 00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,299 What the hell are you doing here? 108 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:01,499 Don and I were always close. 109 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,529 Well, he was a man, Lydia, so that goes without saying. 110 00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:06,129 How did you find out about today? 111 00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:07,529 Been going through our bins again? 112 00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,029 Facebook. 113 00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:10,829 I got the news by reading Karen's page. 114 00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:13,159 I can only assume she was too upset 115 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,599 to remember my invite. 116 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,599 Poor thing. 117 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,329 She's lost her husband, but gained weight -- 118 00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:20,429 at least, judging by her timeline photos. 119 00:04:20,430 --> 00:04:23,259 You're Facebook-stalking widows now, Lydia? 120 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,429 At least I knew Don when he was alive! 121 00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:28,599 So I've more a right than Lauren to come to his party. 122 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,499 "Wake," I meant "wake." 123 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,529 Easy mistake -- 124 00:04:31,530 --> 00:04:33,430 they both have quiche and a bar. 125 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,960 There she is -- poor thing. 126 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,329 [Sobbing] 127 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:42,129 LYDIA: Just goes to show, 128 00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:45,460 fat people aren't always jolly, are they? 129 00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:48,359 Charlie, shake a leg. 130 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,929 Grandma and Granddad are here. 131 00:04:49,930 --> 00:04:51,959 CHARLIE: I'm robbing a bank! 132 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,299 It's a new video game he's got. 133 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,159 You can do what you like in it. 134 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,129 You can steal cars, kill gangsters, 135 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,999 even knock a policeman's hat off. 136 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,199 Should the lad be playing a game like that? 137 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,929 Yeah -- he's better at it than I am. 138 00:05:02,930 --> 00:05:05,259 And you're sure Ellie doesn't want to stay over? 139 00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:08,229 I could've helped her through her break-up with that Tim -- 140 00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:09,829 explained what was wrong with him, 141 00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:10,829 the mistakes she made. 142 00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,099 And yet she decided 143 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,760 to go shopping with her friends instead. 144 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,559 Oh! There's my little treasure! 145 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,499 Oh, you ready for a day of fun? 146 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,399 I may even give you a chance 147 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,759 to beat me at Hungry Dino! 148 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:24,929 Hi, Mum. 149 00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:26,699 Packed and ready, Charlie? 150 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:27,999 Can't I stay at home? 151 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,999 I feel ill. 152 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,700 That's terrific -- off you go, then. 153 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,029 Someone's in a rush to get to Ikea. 154 00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:35,429 We're not going to Ikea. 155 00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:38,529 We, dear husband, are staying in for a day and night 156 00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:40,759 of very naughty, very exciting fun. 157 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,860 That is, if you think you can stay the course. 158 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,729 Sorry, I got a bit overexcited. 159 00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:49,259 Well, I'm glad one of us did. 160 00:05:49,260 --> 00:05:51,059 MIKE: So Don is dead. 161 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,759 Don is gone, shame. 162 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,559 You, me, and him were like the Three Musketeers. 163 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,159 We were the best -- invincible. 164 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,099 Thanks to Don -- he loved his car. 165 00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,329 I suppose it's ironic that one of them 166 00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:03,729 killed him in the end. 167 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,959 When I picture him trying to remove his aerial, 168 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,959 and a baboon sneaks into the driver's seat 169 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,829 and lets the hand brake off, I just... 170 00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:11,929 burst out laughing. 171 00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:13,899 A tad insensitive, Mike. 172 00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:16,329 Banter, just banter. 173 00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,099 Don would have seen the funny side. 174 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,929 That's how I want to go, in a way that tickles people. 175 00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:23,759 Either that or in the arms of up-for-anything twins. 176 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:24,799 Really? 177 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,759 It's a pity the Krays are dead. 178 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:27,959 Banter, just banter. 179 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,459 Don't be bitter just 'cause you've gone 180 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,759 and got yourself tied down again. 181 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,559 Men of our age, our wealth, 182 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,229 we should be taking a different girl home every week. 183 00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:37,129 Why don't I see you more often? 184 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,599 I don't know, 185 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,929 but you didn't see Don as often as you should. 186 00:06:40,930 --> 00:06:41,999 Oops, said too much. 187 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,329 Naughty, Michael, naughty. 188 00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:44,499 What are you talking about? 189 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,759 You were supposed to play golf with him on the day he died, 190 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,759 but you cancelled. 191 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,999 He was at a loose end, 192 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,499 used a free voucher to go round a safari park 193 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,759 and got run over by a baboon -- Karen blames you. 194 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,429 That's why she gave me a dirty look. 195 00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:57,499 [Chuckles] 196 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,399 It's in there again! 197 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,829 A little monkey behind a steering wheel. 198 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:03,700 [Laughs] 199 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:25,159 All I'm saying, Lydia, 200 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,129 is that you can't go round telling people 201 00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:28,529 that Ed and I have split up. 202 00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,529 It's a lie. 203 00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,199 It'd be like me going around telling people 204 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,859 you're a well-adjusted ex-wife. 205 00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:35,199 You're right, I shouldn't have said you and Eddie had split up. 206 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,899 I should have just mentioned you were having difficulties 207 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,699 and that your relationship's on the rocks. 208 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,859 -What?! -Does anyone know 209 00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:44,459 who that woman over there is? 210 00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:46,399 I've caught her smiling at me three times now. 211 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,029 Your fly's open again, Al? 212 00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:49,129 Nope, first thing I checked. 213 00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:51,399 She's just about the only one in this room 214 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,899 I don't know anything about. 215 00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:55,299 There's Henry, widower, likes musicals. 216 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,859 That woman's called Pat, 217 00:07:56,860 --> 00:07:59,859 her son had a terrible skiing accident. 218 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:02,629 And over there is Lionel and Mary Mellor. 219 00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:04,759 They got back from Canada last month 220 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,099 to discover their cat, Mittens, had died. 221 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,229 Oh, let me guess -- 222 00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:09,699 all through Facebook stalking? 223 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,399 You're unbelievable, Lydia. 224 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,599 Thank you. 225 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,359 What are the rules about flirting at a funeral? 226 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,729 I'd leave it, Al. 227 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,029 She might be a relative, be deeply upset. 228 00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,559 But then I miss my chance! 229 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,360 I mean, look at her, she looks fantastic in black! 230 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:30,599 Oh, I am getting quite good at it, I am! 231 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,429 [Laughing] 232 00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:33,529 Oh, I won! 233 00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,929 Can I play something else now? 234 00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,459 I brought my console with me. 235 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:38,199 Oh, you won't be needing that. 236 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,299 Granddad did say 237 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,299 you might be getting a bit bored with Hungry Dino, 238 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,399 so I went out and bought you something new. 239 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,099 Something more demanding -- 240 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,799 which you even need a protective mask for. 241 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:48,929 A paintball gun?! 242 00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:51,229 You actually got me a paintball gun? 243 00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,399 No, think even better! 244 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,200 [Laughter] 245 00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:02,629 I got one! 246 00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,929 Oh, sorry, Mike, I was just -- 247 00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:06,359 Just fine. 248 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,999 And I appreciate the touch of a lovely young lady. 249 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,459 Well, it was more the plate than me. 250 00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:11,459 I believe you. 251 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,599 Thousands wouldn't. 252 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,159 But don't do it again, Laura, 253 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,599 else over my knee you shall go! 254 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,659 Lauren, and ew. 255 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,959 Lauren, Laura, 256 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,129 lovely -- it's all the same, isn't it? 257 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,459 So you and Ed -- still together, but unhappy. 258 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,859 Everything Lydia said was a lie. 259 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,259 She said you were very pretty. 260 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,829 Well, that might be true. 261 00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:34,129 But you were a conniving gold digger. 262 00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:35,529 And then we're back to the lies. 263 00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,659 Ed probably hasn't mentioned it, 264 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,529 but I'm pretty damn rich myself. 265 00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:42,259 I own the third-largest bathroom and kitchen tile 266 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:43,859 wholesalers in the southeast. 267 00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,529 So if ever you want any tiles, 268 00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:49,329 or anything else, 269 00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:52,099 you know what you have to do. 270 00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,629 Take my business elsewhere. 271 00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:55,929 I'm sorry, but are you coming on to me? 272 00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:58,129 Would you like me to come on to you, Lau-ra. 273 00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,259 "Lauren," yeah, absolutely not. 274 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:01,759 Now who's the one lying? 275 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:02,829 Would you excuse me? 276 00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:04,259 I'm suddenly feeling rather nauseous. 277 00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:06,160 -Get -- -Oh, she's interested. 278 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,159 Oh, sorry. 279 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,929 I got the last one. 280 00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:18,099 It's just I'm extremely upset about poor Don. 281 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,100 We all are. 282 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,829 Mittens doesn't blame you -- 283 00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:26,259 for leaving him, 284 00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,959 while you and Lionel swanned off to Canada. 285 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,999 He told me so. 286 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,299 But Mittens is my cat -- 287 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,929 and dead. 288 00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:33,929 And a cat. 289 00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:35,999 I... 290 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,029 have the gift! 291 00:10:37,030 --> 00:10:38,259 Oh. 292 00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:40,029 Can speak with the other side. 293 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,029 Oh! 294 00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:43,999 What's that, Mittens? 295 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,459 All right, my darling. 296 00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,999 He says he "wuvs" you. 297 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,359 Does that mean anything? 298 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,160 Oh. 299 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,499 Look at Don there, 300 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,029 in happier times -- 301 00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:08,699 before a monkey took his life... 302 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,599 I'll never eat Coco Pops again. 303 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,199 By the way, I'm Alan. 304 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,329 -Natalie. -Natalie. 305 00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:17,399 -Is that Mrs. Natalie? -Miss. 306 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,599 I am -- 307 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,399 I was, Don's cousin. 308 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,199 Don's cousin, oh, right. 309 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,700 Nice to meet you. 310 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:29,260 How upset do cousins get? 311 00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,329 Karen, I just came over to say 312 00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:36,029 how terribly sorry I am over your loss. 313 00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:37,859 Ed, You came today, then? 314 00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:38,859 Of course I did. 315 00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,159 I wouldn't have missed Don's funeral. 316 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,599 Mmm. 317 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,729 Just a shame you missed your last round of golf with him. 318 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,999 The weather was atrocious. 319 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,029 In fact, I was surprised when I heard 320 00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,599 Don went on to the safari park. 321 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,729 It's Don's fault he died, is it? 322 00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:53,159 It's no one's fault -- 323 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,199 apart maybe the monkey that ran him over. 324 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,199 [Laughter] 325 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,030 Will people please stop mentioning the monkey?! 326 00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:01,759 It isn't funny. 327 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,929 No, it isn't. 328 00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:04,329 And no matter how he died, 329 00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:07,099 we should be respectful on this most tragic of days. 330 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,629 ?76.25! 331 00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:12,059 You won the pot, you lucky git! 332 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,099 55-minute service, huh. 333 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,499 Who'd have thought that? 334 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,899 Ka-ching. 335 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,099 Ha ha, yeah. 336 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,629 Yeah. 337 00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:22,829 He made me place a bet -- 338 00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,099 you know what Mike's like. 339 00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,759 Anyway, I'd like you to have this monkey. 340 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,229 Money! 341 00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:29,899 I meant to say monkey -- 342 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:31,959 God! Money! 343 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,060 [Exhales sharply] 344 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,259 Mmm. 345 00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:44,499 I'm getting a -- 346 00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,659 All right, my darling. 347 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:46,929 I'm a getting a name. 348 00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:48,660 Is there a -- 349 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,829 All right, my darling, you take your time. 350 00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:57,499 Is there a Henry in the room? 351 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,129 It's your wife, Henry. 352 00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:02,559 She is saying that you must always think of her 353 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,400 when you watch a musical. 354 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,459 Thank you, my child. 355 00:13:09,460 --> 00:13:12,029 Just to reiterate, alcohol does 356 00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:15,030 help me relax, communicate with the spirits even better. 357 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:17,959 See? 358 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:21,659 Straight away, I'm getting a message for, 359 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:22,829 hold on -- 360 00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:23,959 All right, my darling -- 361 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,729 For "Pat," is it? 362 00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:28,699 Yes. 363 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:30,899 Your son had a skiing accident. 364 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:32,399 Yes. 365 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,559 He's saying -- 366 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:34,629 don't worry 367 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:38,059 because he's not in any pain where he is now. 368 00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,459 I know he isn't. 369 00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:40,860 He's over there. 370 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,560 I'm also telepathic. 371 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,829 [Siren wailing on TV] 372 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,299 This is it, is it? 373 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,559 Are you going to let me join in or not? 374 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,329 Well, you've made it quite clear 375 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,529 all my games are too babyish for you. 376 00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:00,930 Show me what to do. 377 00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:04,859 Whoo! 378 00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:07,429 How many pairs of hands do I need to operate this? 379 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,899 -What's this for? -To move. 380 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,459 See? Quick! 381 00:14:10,460 --> 00:14:12,459 You have to drive your stolen car to the bank, 382 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:13,929 so we can blow it up and rob it. 383 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:15,099 But I'm not a criminal! 384 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,399 It's how you win the game! 385 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,459 Hurry up, drive! 386 00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,460 Well, I can't go yet -- the traffic lights are red! 387 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,259 I am at a funeral, Debs. 388 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,129 What else can I do to turn Keith on? 389 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:31,899 I tried a curry, but it's just left him tired and gassy. 390 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,429 [Groans] 391 00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:36,059 Underwear, positions, dressing up as an insect -- 392 00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:37,059 I don't care! 393 00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:38,599 Just tell me how to get the zest back. 394 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,359 Have you tried having a bath? 395 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,729 Are you saying I stink?! 396 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,630 Just go with me on this. 397 00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:48,099 Put plenty of bubbles in, 398 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,099 but not too many -- 399 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,600 so you leave room for both of us. 400 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,860 "I want you all clean." 401 00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:58,199 I want you all clean -- 402 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,359 "So I can get down and dirty with you." 403 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,599 So I can get down and dirty with you. 404 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,959 Keep going, keep going! 405 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,029 "And I can't wait to run my hands --" 406 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,699 And I cannot wait to run my hands -- 407 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,959 All over your firm, muscular body. 408 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,499 All over your 409 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:18,600 firm, muscular body. 410 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,099 I'm talking to my sister. 411 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,299 I'm talking to my sister. 412 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,300 Sister? 413 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,859 All right. 414 00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:33,329 Don't worry, I won't say anything to Ed, if... 415 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:34,960 you do me a favor in return. 416 00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:39,259 I'm stopping the night here. 417 00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:40,929 How about... 418 00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,699 you, me 419 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,929 nip up to my room for 10 minutes? 420 00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:47,329 No one will miss us. 421 00:15:47,330 --> 00:15:51,029 You are a vile, disgusting, creepy-looking man. 422 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,659 You are a vile, disgusting, 423 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,829 creepy-looking man -- 424 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,299 I wouldn't sleep with you 425 00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,459 if you were the last man on Earth. 426 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:01,899 Debs, to be honest, 427 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,199 this isn't really pushing me buttons. 428 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,899 I was getting lines from Lauren! 429 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,099 Ah. Oh! 430 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,729 Lauren?! 431 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:12,559 I was just trying to get the spark back, you know? 432 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,599 We never seem to have time for us, what with work, 433 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,899 and Charlie getting his head stuck down that rabbit hole. 434 00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,529 Not to mention Ellie. 435 00:16:19,530 --> 00:16:20,559 Keith -- 436 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,529 Keith, are you listening to me, or are you having a bath? 437 00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:26,099 Just getting me money's worth. 438 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,859 Shall I get in with you? 439 00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:30,059 I don't think we'd both fit. 440 00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,399 See? 441 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,599 Shame we don't live at Ed's -- 442 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,029 he's got a massive bath. 443 00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:36,229 Ha! 444 00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:37,229 Forget his bath, 445 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,899 he's got a ruddy swimming pool! 446 00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:40,199 Now, that would be romantic. 447 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,159 Lauren gave me a spare set of keys -- 448 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,199 in case of emergencies. 449 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,099 Improving our love life. 450 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,759 Could that be classed as an emergency? 451 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:50,829 Yeah! 452 00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:51,829 Come on! 453 00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:55,029 He's a complete slimeball! 454 00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:57,259 Thought that I was talking dirty on the phone to some man. 455 00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:59,399 Didn't believe me when I said it was just my sister. 456 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,429 Then -- then! -- 457 00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,959 he suggested I go up to his room! 458 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,260 [Snickers] 459 00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,629 So I've thought about it, mulled it over, 460 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,499 realized it was a good offer. 461 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,159 I'm leaving you for Mike. 462 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,159 Mm-hmm. 463 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,229 Wait, what? 464 00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:17,829 I knew you weren't listening. 465 00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:18,929 Sorry. 466 00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,259 But what if she's got a point? 467 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:21,959 What if I'm as much to blame for Don's death 468 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:22,959 as that joy-riding baboon? 469 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,629 You cancelled a round of golf, that's all. 470 00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,629 Was Don angry about it, 471 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,729 angry with you? 472 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,159 He texted me, said he understood, 473 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,299 and looked forward to beating me next time. 474 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,899 That would be tricky now. 475 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,159 [Snorts] 476 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,160 Sorry. 477 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,429 Tell you what, 478 00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,259 I'll get Karen to stop blaming you, 479 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:45,259 if you help me show Mike up for the sleazy rat he really is. 480 00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,629 How are you going to do all that, then? 481 00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:48,599 Karen, I'll figure something out. 482 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,099 Mike, probably use a chair, 483 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,560 some rope, and a blowtorch. 484 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,060 He asked you up to his room? 485 00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:00,799 I want a word. 486 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:01,799 Do you mind? 487 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,159 I'm talking to the spirits. 488 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,629 The only spirit talking is that G&T. 489 00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:07,400 You, hop it. 490 00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:10,659 -I -- -Shut up. 491 00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:12,299 Now, I can just about stand you 492 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,359 encroaching on mine and Ed's life -- 493 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,359 at times I find it lovable and amusing. 494 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,959 But when you infiltrate a funeral 495 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,959 and start passing yourself off as a medium -- I said, shut up. 496 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,729 Now, you either do what I tell you, 497 00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:25,359 or I will be forced to Lydia-proof our home. 498 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,229 I'm talking gates, barbed wire, 499 00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,829 and a German Shepherd, 500 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:31,229 probably called Slasher, 501 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,629 who I will train to track 502 00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:34,559 and hunt down the smell of your perfume. 503 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,229 Okay, fine. 504 00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:37,999 I'll stop pretending to be a medium. 505 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:38,999 Stop? 506 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,859 Who said anything about stopping? 507 00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,030 Mnh-mnh. 508 00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:45,329 This is exciting! 509 00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:46,659 Oh! 510 00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:49,529 That's funny, the burglar alarm isn't switched on. 511 00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:51,059 They're back -- leg it! 512 00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,399 Hold on, hold on! 513 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,360 Ed's car wasn't on the drive. 514 00:18:58,300 --> 00:18:59,660 [Gasps] 515 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,959 She lied about breaking up with him! 516 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:04,959 Why would she do that? 517 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,129 To make life easier on herself? 518 00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,129 So she could see Tim 519 00:19:07,130 --> 00:19:08,929 without being lectured by you all the time? 520 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,859 All right, Mr. Know-It-All. 521 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,859 Stay back, I'll handle this. 522 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,629 Whoa, whoa, we're not supposed to be here, either. 523 00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:17,559 We've no moral high ground. 524 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,029 Put yourself in her shoes. 525 00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,629 How would you have felt if your mum and dad had burst in on us? 526 00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:22,929 What do you think would've happened? 527 00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:25,359 I wouldn't have got pregnant, ruined my life. 528 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,429 [Scoffs] "Ruined your life." 529 00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:28,729 You won the lottery first go. 530 00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:31,100 Yeah, but I only matched three numbers. 531 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,099 Any chance of some service? 532 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,359 Oh. 533 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,559 Give me your room number and key. 534 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,799 So I was right about you, huh? 535 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,729 Ed's being boring, blaming himself about this bloody Don. 536 00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,599 I want a bit of fun and attention. 537 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,129 Oh. 538 00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:51,099 Just give me 10 minutes to get ready -- 539 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,429 just enough time for you 540 00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:54,359 to order some champagne, mm-hmm? 541 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,430 -Oh. -[Purrs] 542 00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:01,629 Ah. 543 00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:04,200 [Grunts] 544 00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:15,630 [Siren wailing] 545 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,759 Grandma is upset, Charlie. 546 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,399 Thinks you and her don't have fun anymore. 547 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,429 Said you wouldn't let her play your gangster game. 548 00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:27,729 She doesn't get it. 549 00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:30,399 She doesn't get anything. 550 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,959 Yes, that's what she'd like you to think. 551 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,029 The thing is 552 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:38,759 your grandma was pretty wild when she was young. 553 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,799 She was mixed up in all kinds of business -- 554 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,299 guns, narcotics, 555 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,729 stealing cars -- she was notorious. 556 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:51,299 No one dared cross The Widowmaker. 557 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,399 "The Widowmaker"? 558 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,099 Everyone knew if you crossed her, you were "brown bread." 559 00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,929 That's cockney for dead. 560 00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:02,329 Of course, she saw the error of her ways. 561 00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:04,199 turned police informer, 562 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,629 which meant she had to go into 563 00:21:06,630 --> 00:21:08,599 the witness protection program -- new identity, 564 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,629 new area to live, 565 00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:14,129 and a new, rather handsome, husband. 566 00:21:14,130 --> 00:21:18,029 And that's why she has to live a quiet life now, you see, 567 00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:20,299 keep her head down, 568 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,529 play Doh Nutters with her grandson. 569 00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:25,859 Granddad, I'm 11. 570 00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:29,859 Do you really think I'm going to believe that rubbish story? 571 00:21:29,860 --> 00:21:32,330 But don't worry, I'll make Grandma happy. 572 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,029 See? This is much nicer, 573 00:21:36,030 --> 00:21:38,659 just walking through the streets. 574 00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:39,929 Ooh, there's a park. 575 00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:42,359 Shall we go and sit in the park, Charlie? 576 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,859 Oh! 577 00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:45,259 That man's trying to mug me! 578 00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:47,129 Now his friend's joining in. 579 00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:48,199 Where's my baseball bat, Charlie? 580 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,529 Where's my baseball bat?! 581 00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:51,959 Take that! And that! 582 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,499 Oh, you want another one? 583 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,129 There's another one! Ha ha! 584 00:21:55,130 --> 00:21:58,959 You messed with the wrong lady this time. 585 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,229 I got your number! 586 00:22:00,230 --> 00:22:01,399 Ooh, I hope you've brought an army. 587 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,530 Stay down! Stay down! 588 00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:10,929 [Laughs] 589 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:12,599 [Knock on door] 590 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,729 They didn't have champagne 591 00:22:14,730 --> 00:22:16,399 so I got you a vodka. 592 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:17,899 Here, drink up. 593 00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,059 Whoa! Not so fast. 594 00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:21,659 You heard me on the phone earlier. 595 00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:23,699 I like to tease. 596 00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:27,059 Are you up for that? 597 00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,359 What did you have in mind? 598 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,329 Wouldn't you like to know?! 599 00:22:30,330 --> 00:22:31,599 [Laughs] 600 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,329 But before I tell you, 601 00:22:33,330 --> 00:22:34,859 final chance -- 602 00:22:34,860 --> 00:22:36,499 are you absolutely sure about this? 603 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:38,159 I mean, you are friends with Ed. 604 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,429 Meh, I've got other friends. 605 00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:41,559 Sod him. 606 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,329 You're not going to tell him, are you -- 607 00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:44,429 lose your meal ticket. 608 00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:46,559 I guess not. 609 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,099 [Chuckles] 610 00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,759 Okay, in that case -- 611 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:51,900 I want you to hoot like an owl. 612 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:54,999 -Beg your pardon? -You heard me. 613 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,159 Hoot like an owl. 614 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,659 I don't know -- 615 00:22:57,660 --> 00:22:58,899 The first time I ever made love, 616 00:22:58,900 --> 00:23:00,399 it was in the countryside, 617 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,329 at night. 618 00:23:02,330 --> 00:23:04,229 The stars were out. 619 00:23:04,230 --> 00:23:05,759 It was magical. 620 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,929 I heard the distant hoot of an owl. 621 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:11,099 And ever since, well, 622 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:12,629 hooting has always got me in the mood. 623 00:23:12,630 --> 00:23:14,159 Okay. 624 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,259 Hoo! 625 00:23:15,260 --> 00:23:16,729 Oh, yes! 626 00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,999 -Louder! -Hoo! 627 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,599 Oh, louder. 628 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,599 Hoo! 629 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:23,659 Hoo! 630 00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:25,729 Hoo! Hoo! 631 00:23:25,730 --> 00:23:26,899 Wait, what are you doing? 632 00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:27,929 I told you, 633 00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:29,499 it was nighttime, 634 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,259 in the countryside. 635 00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:35,329 We had to feel our way around. 636 00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:37,599 Feel each other -- 637 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,759 Someone's stopped hooting. 638 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,659 -Hoo! -Hoo! Hoo! 639 00:23:43,660 --> 00:23:45,729 Hoo! 640 00:23:45,730 --> 00:23:47,559 Hoo! 641 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,559 Lauren? 642 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:49,959 Still here! 643 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,959 Just keep hooting. 644 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,059 I just need to give you a little bit of a makeover. 645 00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:58,099 -What?! -Shh, shh, shh! 646 00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:01,499 My first lover, he was a bit of a Goth. 647 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:05,499 So if you want me at my most passionate, 648 00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,499 then you need a bit of black lippy. 649 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,529 Hoo! 650 00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:11,899 All done. 651 00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:15,699 Now I want you to say, let me think -- 652 00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:17,699 "My name's Mike, and I'm a pretty boy." 653 00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:19,129 No, I'm not saying that. 654 00:24:19,130 --> 00:24:20,329 I'm slipping out of my dress. 655 00:24:20,330 --> 00:24:21,659 My name's Mike, and I'm a pretty boy! 656 00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:22,999 My name's Mike, and I'm a pretty boy! 657 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,629 My name's Mike, and I'm a pretty boy! 658 00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:25,629 Good! 659 00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:28,499 Now I want you to say -- 660 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,199 "Ed, I'm ashamed and sorry 661 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,959 for being such a disgusting little worm." 662 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,329 [Chuckles] 663 00:24:34,330 --> 00:24:35,359 Why would I say that? 664 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,499 Because he's standing right next to you. 665 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,229 Oh! 666 00:24:39,230 --> 00:24:40,299 Oh, Ed! 667 00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:41,799 Oh. 668 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,699 I can explain everything. 669 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:45,059 Can you? 670 00:24:45,060 --> 00:24:47,699 No. 671 00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:48,959 Oh. 672 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,499 Listen to me carefully, Mike. 673 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:53,359 I don't want to ever hear that you've been rude or lecherous 674 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:54,729 to another woman ever again. 675 00:24:54,730 --> 00:24:56,629 It's banter -- 676 00:24:56,630 --> 00:24:57,830 just banter! 677 00:24:59,460 --> 00:25:01,359 Fine. 678 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,959 Because if we ever find out that you have been, 679 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,299 then this pretty little video is gonna find its way online, 680 00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:07,729 and to all your customers, 681 00:25:07,730 --> 00:25:10,059 and to any friends you might have left. 682 00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:13,059 [Phone beeps] 683 00:25:13,060 --> 00:25:15,459 Understood. 684 00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:17,029 I think I'll just go down 685 00:25:17,030 --> 00:25:19,599 and pay my respects to Don's family. 686 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,630 Good idea. 687 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,759 He's still wearing my lipstick. 688 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,259 As he said about me, "sod him." 689 00:25:34,260 --> 00:25:36,129 [Laughing] 690 00:25:36,130 --> 00:25:38,629 And is it really true that you get turned on 691 00:25:38,630 --> 00:25:40,429 by Goths and the countryside? 692 00:25:40,430 --> 00:25:42,859 Why don't you hoot and find out? 693 00:25:42,860 --> 00:25:44,029 I could coo like a pigeon. 694 00:25:44,030 --> 00:25:45,029 [Cooing] 695 00:25:45,030 --> 00:25:46,599 [Purrs] 696 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,530 Mmm! 697 00:25:48,860 --> 00:25:50,429 What are they doing now? 698 00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:51,459 [Gasps] 699 00:25:51,460 --> 00:25:52,929 Oh! 700 00:25:52,930 --> 00:25:53,929 See? 701 00:25:53,930 --> 00:25:57,559 That's how I'm always asking you to kiss me. 702 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,359 So gentle and adoring. 703 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:02,359 -Were we this romantic? -Oh, yeah. 704 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,700 [Reggae playing] 705 00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:12,359 Definitely, yeah. 706 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:14,829 This is what I'm trying to say. 707 00:26:14,830 --> 00:26:16,699 this is a golden moment for Ellie. 708 00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:19,029 The first time. 709 00:26:19,030 --> 00:26:20,859 Yeah, we all know Tim's an idiot 710 00:26:20,860 --> 00:26:23,629 and teenage relationships always go wrong -- 711 00:26:23,630 --> 00:26:25,429 -Hmm? -Apart from ours. 712 00:26:25,430 --> 00:26:28,530 But I think we should let her find that out for herself. 713 00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:32,100 We should go. 714 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,600 Perhaps you're right. 715 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,159 I am appalled, Ellie Mason! 716 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,459 Appalled and insulted. 717 00:26:43,460 --> 00:26:46,359 We came round her to check on poor Auntie Lauren's house, 718 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:47,759 and find you two trespassing! 719 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,159 The place a mess! 720 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,499 But we haven't done anything wrong! 721 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,599 You were about to! 722 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,859 Wine, rose petals on the water, 723 00:26:55,860 --> 00:26:56,859 I'm not an idiot. 724 00:26:56,860 --> 00:26:58,159 Well, not under my roof! 725 00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,629 It's not your roof. 726 00:26:59,630 --> 00:27:00,899 It's my granddad's. 727 00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:02,059 And I have a key. 728 00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:03,829 Yeah, I'd keep quiet if I were you. 729 00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,399 Look at Keith's face -- livid. 730 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,399 He looks about ready to punch you. 731 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,199 I suggest you go to your grandma's, Ellie. 732 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,399 Grandma's?! 733 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,829 While we tidy up this mess. 734 00:27:12,830 --> 00:27:14,429 Just hope and pray Ed and Auntie Lauren 735 00:27:14,430 --> 00:27:16,099 don't find out what's gone on here today. 736 00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:17,099 But Grandma's?! 737 00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:19,229 It's your own fault, Ellie! 738 00:27:19,230 --> 00:27:20,259 Now, go! 739 00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:21,330 [Growls] 740 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,229 Now, what did you do that -- 741 00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:26,330 -Shh! 742 00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:29,829 Little bit naughty, but your wife is a legend. 743 00:27:29,830 --> 00:27:31,529 I have just got us a swimming pool, 744 00:27:31,530 --> 00:27:33,099 some wine, 745 00:27:33,100 --> 00:27:34,429 and Ed's whole mansion to ourselves 746 00:27:34,430 --> 00:27:35,429 for the rest of the day. 747 00:27:35,430 --> 00:27:37,729 You are one bad mother. 748 00:27:37,730 --> 00:27:40,399 I am one bad mother. 749 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,559 [Laughs] 750 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:42,559 [Moaning] 751 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:46,229 I still don't see how you'll stop Karen hating me. 752 00:27:46,230 --> 00:27:47,729 LYDIA: And he's saying -- 753 00:27:47,730 --> 00:27:49,829 what's that, my darling? 754 00:27:49,830 --> 00:27:52,399 There are golf courses in heaven. 755 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:56,229 Hundreds of golf courses. 756 00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:58,859 And there are no monkeys in heaven -- 757 00:27:58,860 --> 00:28:00,799 apart from Davy Jones, of course. 758 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,429 And he wants me to say you he loves you -- 759 00:28:03,430 --> 00:28:05,899 Don, not Davy Jones. 760 00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:06,959 Oh! 761 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,060 Oh. 762 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,300 You never told me Lydia was a medium. 763 00:28:16,930 --> 00:28:17,999 She's just spoken to Don. 764 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,759 He says he doesn't blame you in the slightest. 765 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:20,899 That's very good of him. 766 00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:22,059 I take comfort in the fact 767 00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:25,929 he's still around, still watching over me. 768 00:28:25,930 --> 00:28:27,999 And I'm sorry for being hard on you earlier. 769 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,899 Oh, it's been a tough day for you, Karen. 770 00:28:29,900 --> 00:28:31,729 It's fine. 771 00:28:31,730 --> 00:28:33,629 Oh, I haven't introduced you to my girlfriend, have I? 772 00:28:33,630 --> 00:28:35,299 -This is Lauren. -Hello. 773 00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:38,059 Lauren? 774 00:28:38,060 --> 00:28:39,629 Don's just warned me about you. 775 00:28:39,630 --> 00:28:42,329 You stay away from me, you hear? 776 00:28:42,330 --> 00:28:44,629 Just stay away. 777 00:28:44,630 --> 00:28:47,659 I'd better go, Ed. 778 00:28:47,660 --> 00:28:50,430 Lydia said Don wants a free bar. 779 00:28:53,330 --> 00:28:54,799 I did what you asked. 780 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,799 And more! 781 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:56,959 What did you tell her? 782 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:57,999 It's not me, Lauren, 783 00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,929 it's the spirits. 784 00:28:59,930 --> 00:29:02,299 They mentioned something about you having a dark soul. 785 00:29:02,300 --> 00:29:04,899 That and you being a baboon in a previous life. 786 00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:06,559 -[Sighs] -Wish me luck, 787 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,459 I'm going to bite the bullet. 788 00:29:09,460 --> 00:29:11,360 I'm going to ask her out. 789 00:29:13,330 --> 00:29:16,329 Natalie, I'd just like to say -- 790 00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:18,359 Salad! 791 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,499 Always comforting at a time like this -- may I? 792 00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:22,959 People often shout "salad dodger" at me, 793 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,329 but I could eat buckets of the stuff, 794 00:29:24,330 --> 00:29:25,999 couldn't you? 795 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,499 There's that smile again. 796 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:31,359 Natalie, hypothetical question, 797 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,559 but if, say, a gentleman saw an attractive lady at a funeral, 798 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,159 but wasn't completely sure how upset or grieving she was, 799 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,859 do you think he should still pluck up the courage 800 00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:44,229 to ask that lady out for a drink sometime? 801 00:29:44,230 --> 00:29:47,129 I think he could do that, yes. 802 00:29:47,130 --> 00:29:48,459 Brilliant! 803 00:29:48,460 --> 00:29:50,529 Then in that case, 804 00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:52,059 I think I probably will. 805 00:29:52,060 --> 00:29:53,330 Oh. 806 00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:56,499 Oh, God! 807 00:29:56,500 --> 00:29:58,659 Uh, Natalie, 808 00:29:58,660 --> 00:30:00,059 another hypothetical question. 809 00:30:00,060 --> 00:30:01,229 If, say, a gentleman 810 00:30:01,230 --> 00:30:03,059 showered a woman with salad cream -- 811 00:30:03,060 --> 00:30:04,629 She'd say no! 812 00:30:04,630 --> 00:30:06,830 She'd definitely say no! 813 00:30:11,860 --> 00:30:14,300 Can we go home now? 814 00:30:17,660 --> 00:30:20,029 I'm your Queen Bee. 815 00:30:20,030 --> 00:30:21,459 Are you my honey? 816 00:30:21,460 --> 00:30:24,359 I most definitely am, your highness. 817 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:25,999 [Buzzing] 818 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,700 LAUREN: Hi, honey, we're home. 819 00:30:29,330 --> 00:30:31,899 Don't you look at me like that, Lauren. 820 00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:35,729 I wanted to go to Ikea! 821 00:30:35,730 --> 00:30:38,730 Subtitle by peritta 822 00:30:38,780 --> 00:30:43,330 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55281

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