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1
00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:04,117
Yeah. Right.
2
00:00:04,185 --> 00:00:05,752
Yeah. Hey.
3
00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:07,020
How was the gun range?
4
00:00:07,088 --> 00:00:08,121
Brutal.
5
00:00:08,189 --> 00:00:10,056
Isn't that what makes it fun?
6
00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:12,592
I was just a little off today.
7
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,094
A little off? You'd have been
better with a moving target.
8
00:00:16,264 --> 00:00:18,831
A target that moves in
front of your bullets.
9
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,600
Very funny, Dad.
10
00:00:20,702 --> 00:00:22,969
Mom, can I borrow a couple of bucks?
11
00:00:23,038 --> 00:00:25,338
I thought you were doing pretty
well playing outside the mall.
12
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,274
Well, I was doing okay until a human statue
13
00:00:28,343 --> 00:00:30,910
set up next to me and siphoned all my tips.
14
00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:34,313
We'll, bring a pigeon.
That'll get rid of the statue.
15
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:35,822
Look, uh... if you need extra money,
16
00:00:35,850 --> 00:00:37,850
why don't you come down and
stock shelves at the store?
17
00:00:37,919 --> 00:00:39,552
Stocking shelves? What?
18
00:00:39,621 --> 00:00:42,061
Honey, what if she hurt her hand
and she couldn't play guitar?
19
00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:44,590
What if a box fell off a
shelf and put out her eye?
20
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:47,747
There's 1,000 ways to
get hurt at Outdoor Man...
21
00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:49,630
with guns, knives,
arrows, and all that stuff.
22
00:00:49,697 --> 00:00:51,364
You want money.
23
00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:52,665
Thank you.
24
00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:54,901
Money that isn't crumpled and wet.
25
00:00:55,003 --> 00:00:56,669
Fancy.
26
00:00:56,771 --> 00:00:58,137
Okay, okay, sweetie.
27
00:00:58,239 --> 00:00:59,372
Glad we could help! (Chuckles)
28
00:00:59,474 --> 00:01:01,507
What the hell are you doing?
29
00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:05,611
Helping one of our kids.
You used to like that.
30
00:01:05,713 --> 00:01:07,146
Well, knock it off.
31
00:01:07,248 --> 00:01:09,449
I don't want you to make life easy for Eve.
32
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:10,783
The tougher things are for her now,
33
00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:13,019
the more open she will
be to going to college.
34
00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:16,189
You want me to make her life miserable
so that when she sits alone, she goes,
35
00:01:16,257 --> 00:01:19,092
"Well, I might as well go to
college 'cause my life sucks"?
36
00:01:19,194 --> 00:01:21,994
Yeah, that'd be great.
37
00:01:22,097 --> 00:01:25,131
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:29,604 --> 00:01:31,504
All right, I've got all this information
39
00:01:31,606 --> 00:01:33,773
to show her the advantages
of going to college.
40
00:01:33,875 --> 00:01:36,008
I've got stats galore. (Chuckles)
41
00:01:36,111 --> 00:01:39,412
"Stats Galore"... the
most boring Bond girl ever.
42
00:01:40,381 --> 00:01:43,282
And I made snacks, but I don't
want her to feel too comfortable,
43
00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:46,586
so they're ones she doesn't like.
44
00:01:46,688 --> 00:01:49,355
Wow. All vegetables. What, do you hate her?
45
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:50,957
Hey, guys.
46
00:01:51,059 --> 00:01:52,225
Hey, hi.
47
00:01:52,327 --> 00:01:53,693
Hey, just here to pick
up Great-Grandma's quilt.
48
00:01:53,795 --> 00:01:55,862
Oh, uh, yeah. It's in... It's
in the linen closet, Kris.
49
00:01:55,964 --> 00:01:57,330
Uh, listen, please be careful with it.
50
00:01:57,432 --> 00:01:58,832
It's the only thing I have of hers.
51
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,134
Except the risk of early-stage dementia.
52
00:02:02,637 --> 00:02:06,272
I'll be careful of both
things... if I can remember.
53
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,709
Um, what did you guys
want to talk to me about?
54
00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:11,744
Is it about Kristen's thing with quilts?
55
00:02:11,846 --> 00:02:13,946
She's... She's on a
fast track to old age.
56
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:16,115
She saved half an egg yesterday.
57
00:02:16,217 --> 00:02:19,585
Uh, no, no, no. We... We want to talk
to you about the benefits of college.
58
00:02:19,687 --> 00:02:21,554
I really don't want to talk about that.
59
00:02:21,656 --> 00:02:23,456
Good. We'll talk, you listen. Sit.
60
00:02:23,558 --> 00:02:25,158
Okay.
61
00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:30,263
On average, college graduates earn
85% more than high-school graduates.
62
00:02:30,365 --> 00:02:32,832
Mm. Well, money isn't everything, Dad.
63
00:02:32,934 --> 00:02:34,767
Yeah, but money buys everything.
64
00:02:35,882 --> 00:02:37,842
Okay, I really don't have
time for this right now.
65
00:02:37,872 --> 00:02:39,839
No, listen, listen... t-the
deadlines are approaching
66
00:02:39,941 --> 00:02:41,807
on the acceptances you got last year.
67
00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:45,745
So if you don't go this year,
you officially become a townie.
68
00:02:45,847 --> 00:02:49,115
Maybe Eve doesn't need
to go back to school.
69
00:02:49,217 --> 00:02:50,538
Kris, what...
what are you doing?
70
00:02:50,585 --> 00:02:52,251
I'm just saying, you know?
I didn't go to college.
71
00:02:52,353 --> 00:02:53,319
I did okay.
72
00:02:53,421 --> 00:02:56,355
Well, maybe she won't be as
lucky as you and marry so well.
73
00:02:58,125 --> 00:03:00,565
What... What, is she just
supposed to forget about her music?
74
00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:02,195
I mean, you should hear
some of her new songs.
75
00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,197
I love that one about the bear.
76
00:03:04,299 --> 00:03:08,201
Hmm, I did not write a song about a bear.
77
00:03:08,303 --> 00:03:10,469
I hear them through the floor.
The lyrics are a little muffled.
78
00:03:10,572 --> 00:03:11,737
Okay, all right, look.
79
00:03:11,839 --> 00:03:13,719
No one is saying you have
to give up your music,
80
00:03:13,775 --> 00:03:17,210
and... and I love
bears, so, but... but...
81
00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:19,779
but college can offer
you so many more options.
82
00:03:19,881 --> 00:03:23,149
Yeah, just in case no one wants
to hear a song about a bear.
83
00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:26,552
There is no song about a bear!
84
00:03:26,654 --> 00:03:28,020
Whatever it's about, it's great, okay?
85
00:03:28,122 --> 00:03:29,722
So you do not need to go to college.
86
00:03:29,824 --> 00:03:30,957
You do. You do. You need to go to college.
87
00:03:31,059 --> 00:03:32,499
Go to college. Stop pushing me, Mom.
88
00:03:32,594 --> 00:03:37,096
You know, Kris, we really love
you, but stop coming over.
89
00:03:38,399 --> 00:03:41,801
90
00:03:41,869 --> 00:03:46,439
There's my high-powered, executive
husband working away on important stuff.
91
00:03:46,507 --> 00:03:47,473
Hang on.
92
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,809
I'm almost done with
this Harry Potter quiz.
93
00:03:50,812 --> 00:03:53,379
Honey, why do you spend so
much time doing those things?
94
00:03:53,481 --> 00:03:55,581
If you need magic in your life, hello!
95
00:03:55,683 --> 00:03:57,850
Me!
96
00:03:57,919 --> 00:04:01,721
Hello, this!
97
00:04:01,823 --> 00:04:04,190
Let's see... "What
Hogwarts professor
98
00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:06,792
removes his turban to reveal Voldemort?"
99
00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:08,761
(Sighs)
100
00:04:08,863 --> 00:04:09,762
Oh, please.
101
00:04:09,831 --> 00:04:13,065
Professor Quirrell.
102
00:04:13,134 --> 00:04:14,934
Boom! 50 out of 50!
103
00:04:16,804 --> 00:04:18,571
What is it with you and Harry Potter?
104
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,006
Well, you know, lots of stuff.
105
00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:21,574
We both lived under the stairs.
106
00:04:22,844 --> 00:04:26,245
He owned an owl, and I
am dying to own an owl.
107
00:04:26,347 --> 00:04:29,982
Kyle, I need you to run a
few errands for me, please.
108
00:04:30,084 --> 00:04:31,484
I want you to pick up my dry-cleaning,
109
00:04:31,552 --> 00:04:33,486
get the car washed, take my
dog to the vet, all right?
110
00:04:33,554 --> 00:04:35,054
Oh, uh, does he need shots?
111
00:04:35,123 --> 00:04:36,389
Uh, no, just the one.
112
00:04:36,457 --> 00:04:38,257
He's being put down.
113
00:04:38,359 --> 00:04:39,659
Oh, my God.
114
00:04:39,761 --> 00:04:41,627
Ed, I'm so sorry.
115
00:04:41,729 --> 00:04:43,629
Don't you want to say goodbye to Bogey?
116
00:04:43,698 --> 00:04:46,332
No, that's why I need you to do it.
117
00:04:46,434 --> 00:04:50,102
Look at you, acting all brave when
we all know you're in a lot of pain.
118
00:04:50,171 --> 00:04:51,370
Yeah, it's killing me.
119
00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:55,174
All right, anyway, so, uh,
dry-cleaning, car wash, vet.
120
00:04:55,243 --> 00:04:56,409
All right?
121
00:04:56,477 --> 00:04:59,145
Oh, and since this is
his last ride in the car,
122
00:04:59,213 --> 00:05:00,946
let him sit in the front seat.
123
00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:03,749
Oh. Do the car wash last.
124
00:05:07,889 --> 00:05:10,222
(Door closes) That poor man.
125
00:05:10,325 --> 00:05:12,258
He already has so few people in his life.
126
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,127
Did you know he only has
18 followers on Instagram?
127
00:05:16,998 --> 00:05:19,598
Yeah, three of them are me.
128
00:05:19,701 --> 00:05:23,069
129
00:05:25,473 --> 00:05:26,839
Hey, Dad.
130
00:05:26,908 --> 00:05:29,608
If you called me to lecture
me about going to college,
131
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,010
you really don't have to.
132
00:05:31,079 --> 00:05:32,945
We never have to lecture our kids.
133
00:05:33,014 --> 00:05:34,947
We just want to.
134
00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:39,385
I mean, you don't have to because I've
already decided to go to college.
135
00:05:39,487 --> 00:05:42,054
I just didn't want to talk
about it in front of Mom
136
00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:44,357
because she's not gonna
like where I decided to go.
137
00:05:44,459 --> 00:05:46,992
You're going to Michigan, not Ohio State?
138
00:05:47,061 --> 00:05:49,662
Oh, that's gonna tear her up.
139
00:05:49,764 --> 00:05:51,664
Let me tell her.
140
00:05:51,766 --> 00:05:54,133
It's the Air Force Academy.
141
00:05:54,235 --> 00:05:56,802
It's too late to apply
to the Air Force Academy.
142
00:05:56,904 --> 00:06:00,272
Well, I already applied and got accepted.
143
00:06:00,341 --> 00:06:01,707
You did that without
your mom and I knowing?
144
00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:04,710
What, do you want to learn
to be a stealth fighter pilot?
145
00:06:04,779 --> 00:06:08,147
Well, first off, I'm 19...
Don't need your approval.
146
00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:10,583
And yet you always want it.
147
00:06:10,685 --> 00:06:12,518
Sad, but true.
148
00:06:12,587 --> 00:06:16,889
Anyway, I made a really good impression
on my Admissions Liaison Officer,
149
00:06:16,991 --> 00:06:19,125
who helped me through the process.
150
00:06:19,227 --> 00:06:21,494
And remember the congresswoman
who nominated me for West Point?
151
00:06:21,596 --> 00:06:23,162
Yeah, of course.
152
00:06:23,264 --> 00:06:25,744
She was just as happy to nominate
me for the Air Force Academy.
153
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:29,034
So, even a Democrat could
see how good you are.
154
00:06:29,137 --> 00:06:31,270
(Chuckles)
155
00:06:31,372 --> 00:06:33,672
You really got into the Air Force Academy?
156
00:06:33,775 --> 00:06:35,307
I really did.
157
00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:38,077
I am... I'm so
proud of you.
158
00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:39,412
(Groans)
159
00:06:39,514 --> 00:06:40,679
That is great news!
160
00:06:40,782 --> 00:06:42,848
There's that approval I crave.
161
00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:47,353
Well, your first mission will be to see
if you can survive telling your mom.
162
00:06:52,092 --> 00:06:53,959
When you didn't get into West Point,
163
00:06:54,027 --> 00:06:56,188
your mom and I figured you
were done with the military.
164
00:06:56,196 --> 00:07:00,599
Well, I was, but you told
me to keep my options open.
165
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:04,970
So I thought about it, and
I applied to the Air Force.
166
00:07:05,038 --> 00:07:08,807
Listen, when you tell your mom,
downplay my role in this, okay?
167
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:11,142
It's a good thing that I took my gap year
168
00:07:11,211 --> 00:07:13,211
because it gave me a
little time to bounce back.
169
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,481
Plus, it gave me a great topic
for my admissions essay...
170
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:19,250
"Why I Hate West Point."
171
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,786
And the rival academy ate that up.
172
00:07:21,888 --> 00:07:23,321
Imagine that.
173
00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:27,459
So... So the Air
Force. Air Force!
174
00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:31,429
Or as the Army likes to call
them, "the Uber of the sky."
175
00:07:32,699 --> 00:07:34,199
We're the shock and awe.
176
00:07:34,267 --> 00:07:38,036
The Army just marches in and gets
hugged by the happy villagers.
177
00:07:39,072 --> 00:07:41,072
(Sighs) So, how are we gonna tell Mom?
178
00:07:41,174 --> 00:07:43,875
I got to get her in a
good mood, that's for sure.
179
00:07:43,977 --> 00:07:51,716
That'll involve a movie, some ice cream...
and I may have to touch her feet.
180
00:07:51,785 --> 00:07:55,220
181
00:07:55,322 --> 00:07:57,122
Okay, we only got a couple of minutes.
182
00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:58,323
He just pulled into the parking lot.
183
00:07:58,425 --> 00:07:59,791
Oh, he's gonna be so happy.
184
00:07:59,893 --> 00:08:03,261
Being able to work side by side with
his best buddy forever... Yeah.
185
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:06,665
...thanks to the miracle of taxidermy.
186
00:08:06,733 --> 00:08:10,669
Aww! Isn't he cute?!
187
00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:12,938
Yeah, I mean, you know Bogey
was in kind of rough shape,
188
00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:16,708
so I had to spruce him up with
some bobcat fur and weasel teeth.
189
00:08:18,211 --> 00:08:20,478
Honestly, it's your best work yet, really.
190
00:08:20,547 --> 00:08:23,308
I think it's even better than that
squirrel you made with the top hat.
191
00:08:26,253 --> 00:08:28,386
Ah, good morning, everyone.
192
00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:29,855
Morning, morning, morning, morning.
193
00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:31,856
Good morning, Ed. Morning.
194
00:08:36,363 --> 00:08:37,796
What are you two grinning about?
195
00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:38,863
Oh, nothing.
196
00:08:38,965 --> 00:08:41,166
It's just a good day to be alive...
197
00:08:44,071 --> 00:08:46,171
...or appear to be alive.
198
00:08:51,378 --> 00:08:52,410
(Door closes)
199
00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:57,882
(Door opens)
200
00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:00,919
Kyle, may I have a word?
201
00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:15,867
What am I looking at?
202
00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:19,704
Well, that's Bogey, sir. Mostly.
203
00:09:22,542 --> 00:09:23,742
What's it doing in here?
204
00:09:23,844 --> 00:09:26,077
It's healing your pain, Ed. Ah.
205
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:27,645
We all know how much you loved him.
206
00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:30,048
Yeah. A-And now you
never have to say goodbye.
207
00:09:30,117 --> 00:09:32,484
Or "stay." That's kind of his thing.
208
00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:35,653
Yeah.
209
00:09:35,756 --> 00:09:37,021
Gosh, he's so lifelike.
210
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:40,024
You know, Kyle and I left him in the
car with the windows rolled up,
211
00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:42,093
and when we got back,
there was an angry crowd.
212
00:09:42,662 --> 00:09:44,763
Well...
213
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,600
I can't believe you did this.
214
00:09:48,702 --> 00:09:51,236
Oh, Quidditch.
215
00:09:52,906 --> 00:09:54,339
You don't have to thank me.
216
00:09:54,441 --> 00:09:56,241
The look on your face says it all.
217
00:09:58,912 --> 00:09:59,911
Mandy? Mm-hmm?
218
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:01,045
May I have a word?
219
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:02,180
Yes.
220
00:10:02,282 --> 00:10:04,749
(Clears throat)
221
00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:08,620
How do I get rid of this monstrosity?
222
00:10:08,722 --> 00:10:09,654
Hmm?
223
00:10:09,723 --> 00:10:11,990
Why would you want to do that?
224
00:10:12,092 --> 00:10:14,192
That was my ex-wife's dog.
225
00:10:14,261 --> 00:10:18,530
It growled at me more than she did.
226
00:10:18,632 --> 00:10:20,365
It bit me every time I tried to pet it.
227
00:10:21,468 --> 00:10:25,069
And it crapped over everything I owned...
for 12 years.
228
00:10:25,138 --> 00:10:26,538
Why didn't your ex-wife take him?
229
00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,674
(Sighs) She had a
better lawyer than I did.
230
00:10:29,776 --> 00:10:32,277
We can't let Kyle know that you
hate this sweet, little dog.
231
00:10:32,379 --> 00:10:33,478
I mean, he idolizes you.
232
00:10:33,547 --> 00:10:36,481
He thinks you're this great,
warmhearted, loving man.
233
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:38,149
Well, I'm not.
234
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,820
I can't hurt Kyle's feelings.
235
00:10:41,888 --> 00:10:44,389
He's one of the few
friends I have on Instagram.
236
00:10:44,457 --> 00:10:46,558
Yeah.
237
00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:48,426
Ed, are you sure you can't keep him?
238
00:10:48,495 --> 00:10:49,627
He's awfully cute.
239
00:10:49,696 --> 00:10:51,963
(Sighs) He was never cute.
240
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:57,235
Now he's this hell beast with weasel teeth.
241
00:10:57,304 --> 00:11:00,104
242
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:08,880
All right, great dinner...
exciting Lifetime movie...
243
00:11:10,584 --> 00:11:11,916
...and dessert.
244
00:11:11,985 --> 00:11:14,352
Yeah. Ooh, you got mint
chip... my favorite.
245
00:11:14,454 --> 00:11:17,121
It looks like you didn't
skimp on the sprinkles.
246
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:18,623
I know you love sprinkles. Yeah.
247
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:21,559
Plus the top of the jar fell off
when I was pouring them in.
248
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,461
Mmm.
249
00:11:23,563 --> 00:11:26,631
And after that, maybe a foot rub.
250
00:11:30,537 --> 00:11:32,604
Okay, what is going on?
251
00:11:32,706 --> 00:11:35,573
First dinner, then sugar,
and a foot rub. Nothing.
252
00:11:35,642 --> 00:11:37,775
I'm guessing you either
want to buy a new car
253
00:11:37,844 --> 00:11:40,311
or an old car or you're having an affair.
254
00:11:41,481 --> 00:11:45,216
Can't a husband give his lovely wife
just a fully deserved, relaxing evening
255
00:11:45,318 --> 00:11:46,451
at home for no reason?
256
00:11:46,519 --> 00:11:48,953
He could.
257
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:50,421
But he wouldn't.
258
00:11:50,523 --> 00:11:51,723
Come on.
259
00:11:51,825 --> 00:11:53,157
Hey. Hi. Hi.
260
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:54,225
Hey, Kris.
261
00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,995
So, uh, I have some bad news.
262
00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:58,463
No such thing as bad news.
263
00:11:58,531 --> 00:12:00,132
There's just such a thing as bad timing.
264
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,266
Go. Go. Go. Go.
265
00:12:01,368 --> 00:12:02,767
What is it, sweetie?
266
00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:04,936
Uh, so, I-I brought the quilt home,
267
00:12:05,005 --> 00:12:07,739
and I was being really,
really careful with it.
268
00:12:07,807 --> 00:12:08,973
Oh, God. Oh.
269
00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:12,844
And then Boyd used it to make a fort...
in the rain.
270
00:12:12,913 --> 00:12:13,978
Oh, boy. Oh, my God!
271
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:15,446
Hey, it's okay. It needed to be rinsed off.
272
00:12:15,548 --> 00:12:17,448
Your grandmother died in that.
273
00:12:17,484 --> 00:12:19,550
No, Mike, you can't get those wet.
274
00:12:19,619 --> 00:12:22,086
No, no, that's just witches.
275
00:12:22,188 --> 00:12:25,056
And you certainly can't
put them in the dryer.
276
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:26,557
Oh! Kris. But I-I saved all the pieces.
277
00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:27,792
We could sew them back together.
278
00:12:27,861 --> 00:12:28,993
I mean, you like puzzles, don't you?
279
00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:29,961
Oh!
280
00:12:30,063 --> 00:12:31,529
Hey!
What...
281
00:12:31,598 --> 00:12:33,932
There's my wonderful mother.
282
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,134
Mission aborted. Mission
aborted. Mission aborted.
283
00:12:36,202 --> 00:12:38,036
Mike, stop. Stop. Stop.
284
00:12:38,138 --> 00:12:39,437
What did you want, Eve?
285
00:12:39,506 --> 00:12:40,638
Uh, I don't know.
286
00:12:40,707 --> 00:12:43,808
Do I want anything, Dad,
or should I want it later?
287
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:45,343
What is it? What's going on?
288
00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:47,578
I mean, is this why you've
been buttering me up?
289
00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:49,380
Does she have bad news, too?
290
00:12:53,086 --> 00:12:56,254
I... I'm having an affair.
291
00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:00,591
Dad, it's okay. I got this.
292
00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:04,495
Um... Mom, I've decided to go to college.
293
00:13:04,564 --> 00:13:07,098
What? You have?
You... You have?
294
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,434
W... (Chuckles) Well,
okay! That's great!
295
00:13:09,536 --> 00:13:11,602
That... That's
wonderful!
296
00:13:11,705 --> 00:13:13,304
Yeah, that's all there is to that.
297
00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:14,539
Yeah.
298
00:13:14,641 --> 00:13:15,974
Yep!
299
00:13:16,076 --> 00:13:17,108
Uh...
300
00:13:18,511 --> 00:13:19,811
it's the Air Force Academy.
301
00:13:19,913 --> 00:13:20,945
Oh.
302
00:13:22,515 --> 00:13:24,615
Y-You're kidding, right?
303
00:13:25,986 --> 00:13:27,719
No.
304
00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:30,722
It's college. It's
college. It's not Michigan.
305
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,925
Hey, babe, there's so much good here.
306
00:13:34,027 --> 00:13:36,461
You're...
307
00:13:36,563 --> 00:13:38,663
Well, uh, certainly took the heat off
308
00:13:38,765 --> 00:13:39,831
the whole quilt thing.
309
00:13:39,933 --> 00:13:41,866
(Chuckles)
310
00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,068
Give me your house key. Come on.
311
00:13:52,891 --> 00:13:55,926
Eve's bedroom. This can't be good.
312
00:13:55,994 --> 00:14:00,363
Why does everything that kid does scare me?
313
00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:02,999
And it's not good.
314
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:07,904
Honey... let's try not to get
so emotional about this.
315
00:14:08,006 --> 00:14:10,941
Oh, yeah, this coming from the man
who pretended he wasn't crying
316
00:14:11,009 --> 00:14:13,610
when Peyton Manning retired
after winning the Super Bowl.
317
00:14:15,414 --> 00:14:17,514
He came back from four neck surgeries.
318
00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:21,218
Mike, this is your fault.
319
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,487
She idolizes you.
320
00:14:23,555 --> 00:14:24,821
You're a risk taker. Yeah.
321
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:27,891
Only you can pull it off, and she
thinks she can pull it off, too.
322
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,060
She can pull it off
maybe not with my style,
323
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,895
but she's got her own thing going.
324
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:34,231
But what if she can't this time?
325
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:39,736
I mean, what... what if she
is Goose and not Maverick?
326
00:14:39,805 --> 00:14:42,272
From "Top Gun"?
327
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:44,241
Those were Navy aviators. (Scoffs)
328
00:14:44,309 --> 00:14:47,944
They should have never
gotten out of that boat.
329
00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:51,581
I'm just worried she's not
doing this for the right reason.
330
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,450
Her music career isn't taking off,
331
00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:56,286
so she's just running
to something she knows.
332
00:14:56,388 --> 00:14:57,320
Yeah, a great college.
333
00:14:57,422 --> 00:14:58,922
It's only an hour drive from here...
334
00:14:58,991 --> 00:15:02,626
or 15 minutes if they let
her take a jet off campus.
335
00:15:02,728 --> 00:15:05,996
No. You always have good arguments.
336
00:15:06,064 --> 00:15:08,799
And I heard them when she
wanted to join Junior ROTC.
337
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,100
Went along.
338
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:12,469
I heard them when she
applied to West Point.
339
00:15:12,571 --> 00:15:13,570
I went along.
340
00:15:13,639 --> 00:15:15,739
I heard them about taking a gap year.
341
00:15:15,841 --> 00:15:17,440
I went along.
342
00:15:17,543 --> 00:15:19,509
Mike, I'm done listening to reason.
343
00:15:19,578 --> 00:15:21,444
I mean, I-I don't care about reason.
344
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,079
I just care about my daughter.
345
00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:25,182
And as long as we are
writing the checks for it,
346
00:15:25,284 --> 00:15:26,444
we still have some say in it.
347
00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:30,487
And I say she's not going to that school.
348
00:15:30,589 --> 00:15:31,755
Okay.
349
00:15:31,824 --> 00:15:34,858
Would this be a bad time
to say that school's free?
350
00:15:37,029 --> 00:15:40,230
351
00:15:40,332 --> 00:15:42,999
(Keyboard keys clacking)
352
00:15:43,101 --> 00:15:44,734
(Sniffs)
353
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:52,209
You're loving this, aren't you?
354
00:15:52,311 --> 00:15:53,476
(Door opens)
355
00:15:53,579 --> 00:15:55,412
Kyle's right behind me. Ed, I have a plan.
356
00:15:55,514 --> 00:15:57,414
Um, do you know anything
about Harry Potter?
357
00:15:57,516 --> 00:16:00,717
The colonel on "M-A-S-H"?
358
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,320
Just go with me, okay?
359
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:05,188
Wow.
360
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:08,158
You really ran up those stairs.
361
00:16:08,227 --> 00:16:10,627
I, uh... I needed a
moment with Ed, honey.
362
00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:13,530
Um, there's a problem with the dog.
363
00:16:13,632 --> 00:16:14,998
What, really?
364
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,600
Oh, do you want him in
a different position?
365
00:16:16,702 --> 00:16:19,603
'Cause I'll have to soak
him for about a week.
366
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,340
Ed can't keep Bogey in his office.
367
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:25,876
It's not that he doesn't love the dog.
368
00:16:25,978 --> 00:16:27,544
It's just that...
369
00:16:27,646 --> 00:16:29,713
Bogey's a Horcrux.
370
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:34,017
You mean like in "Harry Potter"?
371
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,151
No way.
372
00:16:35,254 --> 00:16:38,588
I'm afraid so.
373
00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:41,424
So, there's a piece of your soul in Bogey?
374
00:16:43,562 --> 00:16:45,028
Sure. Why not?
375
00:16:46,632 --> 00:16:49,132
So, you're just like Voldemort.
376
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:52,469
Right down to my socks.
377
00:16:52,537 --> 00:16:55,338
Wait. You do know "Harry
Potter" is fiction?
378
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,774
So is "The Last of the Mohicans."
379
00:16:57,843 --> 00:17:01,111
You're not telling me there's no
such thing as a Mohican, are you?
380
00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:04,481
All right, well, I don't
know if I believe you,
381
00:17:04,583 --> 00:17:08,151
but this will make a great story
for my Gryffindor group chat.
382
00:17:08,253 --> 00:17:10,687
So, what the heck? (Chuckles)
383
00:17:10,756 --> 00:17:12,022
Who's a good Horcrux?
384
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:13,957
You! You!
385
00:17:14,026 --> 00:17:17,427
Oh, Mandy. That was a great idea, Mandy.
386
00:17:17,529 --> 00:17:18,762
Yeah. Thank
you so...
387
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,230
Yeah. I'm not so sure, though.
388
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,812
I think, according to the books,
Kyle may have to kill you now.
389
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,402
Let him try.
390
00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:27,470
Been a long time since
someone took a run at me.
391
00:17:27,572 --> 00:17:29,105
Come on.
392
00:17:29,207 --> 00:17:31,775
393
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,113
Mom. Hi.
394
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:39,950
Is there a reason you're
not answering your phone?
395
00:17:40,052 --> 00:17:43,253
Yes. I have caller I.D.
396
00:17:47,259 --> 00:17:50,193
I was just trying to give
you some time to cool down.
397
00:17:50,262 --> 00:17:53,463
Look, I didn't know what
to say back at the house.
398
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:57,634
How about, "I'm glad you
got into an elite college"?
399
00:17:57,736 --> 00:18:00,603
Look, Evie...
400
00:18:00,706 --> 00:18:02,973
I know this is what you want.
401
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,508
But I want to be able
to go to sleep at night
402
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:12,849
knowing that you are studying in a cozy
library somewhere safe, just safe.
403
00:18:12,951 --> 00:18:14,451
That's what I want.
404
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,420
Apology accepted.
405
00:18:18,824 --> 00:18:21,491
Uh, that is not what that was. (Chuckles)
406
00:18:21,593 --> 00:18:23,760
Just trying to keep it light.
407
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:31,534
Eve, when you're a mom, the thought
of anything... anything at all...
408
00:18:31,636 --> 00:18:37,040
happening to your kid, it just...
it makes you crazy.
409
00:18:39,845 --> 00:18:42,979
Mom... I know what a privilege it is
410
00:18:43,048 --> 00:18:47,117
to have never spent one second on this
Earth wondering if my parents love me.
411
00:18:47,219 --> 00:18:48,952
They sure do.
412
00:18:49,054 --> 00:18:52,322
And I love you so much.
413
00:18:52,391 --> 00:18:56,326
And I want you to sleep at night,
safe and happy in your bed.
414
00:18:56,395 --> 00:18:59,062
Thank you.
415
00:18:59,164 --> 00:19:01,231
So, Ohio State?
416
00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:06,002
It just seems to me
that a lot of the people
417
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:09,639
who join the military and protect us
418
00:19:09,741 --> 00:19:13,476
are the ones that this country
hasn't done all that much for.
419
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:20,517
Well, this country has done a
lot for me and for my family.
420
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:24,387
I would consider it an honor to
be able to give something back.
421
00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:29,826
There are other ways to
give back, safer ones.
422
00:19:31,263 --> 00:19:34,664
You're worried if I do
this, it's gonna hurt me.
423
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,435
But it's really gonna hurt me if I don't.
424
00:19:42,908 --> 00:19:44,908
Come here. (Sighs heavily)
425
00:19:46,611 --> 00:19:48,445
Ohh.
426
00:19:48,547 --> 00:19:51,181
Why did you have to turn out so great?
427
00:19:52,784 --> 00:19:55,885
I had two amazing role models.
428
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,288
You have to call me every day.
429
00:19:58,390 --> 00:20:00,223
Aren't you gonna get
sick of hearing from me?
430
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:03,093
Well, that's why I have caller I.D.
431
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,939
Hey, baby. Hey.
432
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,841
Got some news that might make
you feel better about Eve.
433
00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:14,510
Somebody at work, a box fell on them...
434
00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:16,045
put out their eye.
435
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:17,446
(Pops)
436
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,083
I know that's not true, Mike,
but it is sweet of you to say.
437
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:25,254
Yeah, you know, I'm still worried
about Eve, but what did I expect?
438
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:27,423
We did an incredible job raising her.
439
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:29,625
We? I did all the heavy lifting.
440
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:34,030
Yeah. That sweet thing comes and goes, huh?
441
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,899
Mr. B., Mrs. B. Ah.
442
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:38,167
Kyle.
443
00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:41,437
Isn't that Ed's dog?
444
00:20:44,342 --> 00:20:46,676
Why isn't it blinking?
445
00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:51,380
If you want it to blink, I'm
gonna need another weasel.
446
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:58,287
(Chuckles)
447
00:20:58,389 --> 00:21:00,756
When I die, keep that kid away from me.
448
00:21:00,806 --> 00:21:05,356
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