All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s06e07 Bridezilla vs. the Baxters.eng

Uh, yeah, so, Reverend, I was looking
over the readings you suggested,

and they're coming off a little... preachy.

Um, I have some tweaks.

On the Bible?

(Chuckles)

Mike, your daughter wants to rewrite God.

Mandy, let's not get
too hung up on the words.

No one's gonna be listening
to the reverend anyway.

Well, I see where she gets her charm.

Because everyone will be looking
at the most beautiful bride ever.

So beautiful. Way more
beautiful than I was.

You're right. Thank you.

Um, that's fine. We can keep them for now.

But these pews... ew.

They're a little pewy.

Okay. You know...

If it makes God feel any better,
she criticizes my house, too.

I've got a funeral tomorrow,
and I hate to say this,

but I'm actually looking forward to it.

Big life changes tend to freak
Mandy out more than most people.

Boy, I remember preschool.

It was a flood of hysterical tears.

I'm guessing from the teacher?

Over the next couple of days, I got to
fix everything that might set her off.

It's like defusing a
bomb but not as much fun.

Okay. But you owe me.

We have a church canoe expedition,
and we need a trip leader.

All right.

And canoes.

Okay, but I'm gonna expect a little
heavier pour this communion.

You got it?

Hey, Mandy.

Hey, I know you said
you didn't need me here,

but I just want to show you
what me and my best man just got.

Okay, can it wait?

'Cause I'm really busy right now?

Oh, for heaven's sakes, he's excited.

Let the young man speak.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. One sec.

Um, uh, sorry, Reverend, one quick thing.

During the ceremony, I'm
going to be standing here

so that nobody can see my bad
side, which isn't really bad.

It's just less good. See?

Yay.

Nay.

Yay.

Nay.

That's my spot.

So, nay.

Excuse me, Reverend.
Excuse me for a second.

Have you ever read this passage here,
"Thou shall not dig in thy heels"?

Okay. Okay.

I can be flexible.

Just like our new church raft.

Can I show you now?

Yeah, sure. You got one minute. Mm-hmm.

A whole minute.

Well, Mandy, when you give, you
give with both hands, don't you?

Okay. So, Ed and I were at
the mall, picking up our suits.

Well, actually, no. First we got a Jamba Juice.

Oh, and news flash... I like mango now.

Fine.

Take us home, Kyle.

Right.

Anyway, so, we found the perfect
shoes to wear with our tuxes.

Great.

High tops!

You're speechless.

See, Ed, I told you she'd love them.

I do not deserve her.

(Chuckles) That's something you say.

Let's leave before she regains her speech.

- Uh, Mandy, honey.
- Huh?

A-Are you with us?

No. I'm gonna lose it.

Okay, all right. Don't worry. Don't worry.

Your dad is gonna fix the whole shoe thing.

My pleasure. My pleasure.

Looky there, I just lied in church.

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

Well, how's the best-man toast coming?

Not great. No.

Normally, I'd open with a joke
about a wild bachelor party.

But Kyle's was at Dave & Buster's.

Well, who needs a topless stripper
when you've got bottomless tater tots?

Listen, I'm looking for
Kyle. You know where he is?

Mandy doesn't really want you guys
wearing sneakers at the wedding.

Uh, the store won't take them back, Mike.

You know, the kid jumped in a puddle.

Why are you letting Mandy act like this?

Because it's her wedding, Ed.

Weddings are about the bride, right?

Well, it's Kyle's wedding, too, and
frankly, you know, Mandy's behavior

throughout all this is
reminding me of someone.

Oh?

Me.

Well, I can see that.

You both make me miserable.

All of my relationships,
I was the selfish one.

Over the years, it ruined
each of my marriages.

Right, but Mandy's not "you" bad.

You know I love her,
but I'm Kyle's best man,

and the sneakers are very important to him.

You can't let Kyle wear whatever he wants.

He'll come dressed like Spider-Man.

He should get something he wants.

She shot down all his other ideas, like
having the wedding here at Outdoor Man.

You know that Mandy loves Kyle.

Yeah.

She just doesn't want you guys
wearing clown shoes at a wedding.

I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Well, it is to me.

I mean, she's telling him what to
wear, how to act, when to speak,

and they're not even married yet.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mike.

I can't be party to something
that I think is wrong.

That's all.

What are you saying?

What I'm saying is maybe I'm not
the best man to be the best man,

so I relieve myself of the job.

Okay. Why don't you just quit?

It's a good thing we don't work
together 'cause that would be awkward.

Now, I'm going to need all eyes on me,

so make sure Boyd doesn't
take his sweet time

bringing the rings down the aisle.

Uh, well, we can't make any promises.

(Stammers) Mm.

I'm sorry, what is... (Stammers)

What is that?

It's... It's nothing, okay?

Sometimes, Boyd gets
stage fright and freezes.

Like last year's Christmas pageant when
only two wise men made it to Jesus.

Yeah. Our little magi was stuck
backstage with a handful of myrrh.

Uh, no. You need to fix this.

I don't have time to cast
another ring bearer, okay?

Ryan, don't you have some
other children somewhere?

Mandy, relax, okay?

I promise that Boyd will make
it down the aisle with the rings.

(Sighs) They say never work with
kids, but he's family, so...

Hey, what are we doing... No. Mm!

How many times have I told you...

the tea roses go around the hydrangeas,

and then you add a splash of purple.

That's not a splash. That's a sploosh.

Less sploosh, more splash.

Thank you.

When do we get to throw rice
at her, and can it be rocks?

Wow! This is how I pictured my funeral.

Except I want more flowers, more crying,

and John Elway up here
going, "He was such a stud."

Honey, did you fix the high-tops problem?

Yes.

Ed won't be wearing
high tops to the wedding.

Oh, see, Mandy? Dad fixed it.

Because he's not coming to the wedding.

Ed isn't the best man anymore?

Mandy, honey, now, I'm sure
everything is gonna be fine.

(Chuckles) Honey, what the hell happened?

You know Ed.

Talked about wearing black shoes, we
talked about Spider-Man, and he quit.

Queue Mandy's explosion in 3, 2, 1...

This is great.

Well, that was a let-down.

Honestly, I never even
wanted Ed in the ceremony.

MIKE: Oh.

Because the pictures
were all gonna be, like,

all these young people, and then in the
corner, like, Voldemort, you know?

You know, I don't think Voldemort
would come to your wedding

because he'd be frightened of you.

I'm going to get something to drink.

Hey, I got the baby's breath.

I would've been here a lot sooner if
someone had told me it was a flower.

Oh, uh, bad news.

Um, Ed quit.

What?

Yeah, but good news. You
get to pick a new best man.

No. Why would Mr. Alzate quit?

I don't know. Weddings
make some people crazy.

(Chuckles)

(Doorbell rings)

- Hey.
- Hey, hi.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Okay, okay.

So, the stationery store said

this is the only shade of
blue we haven't tried yet

and that they never want to see me again.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Larabee.

Ooh, ooh, hey, have you ever
been the best man at a wedding?

(Sighs) Lots of times.

Just not officially.

Fabulous.

Kyle here is shopping for a new best man.

Oh, okay. (Chuckles)

Now, I'd love to be the only
raisin in your wedding oatmeal.

I think I'll pass.

(Door closes)

Mandy, I don't think anybody
can replace Mr. Alzate.

What about you, Eve?

You're kind of mannish, and
you don't have the shoulders

to pull off that bridesmaid dress.

Well, then I won't be in the wacky
"bridesmaids getting ready" photos.

- Deal.
- Thank you.

Hey, Dad. Eve is the new best man.

What... What?

What? Are you okay with this?

Whatever makes Mandy happy.

Aww, thanks, sweetie.

Okay, let's go get her to the tailor.

Hopefully, he can make a tux
and do something with all this.

Ouch. I'm going to be thinking about
that when I'm writing my toast.

You're gonna get burnt!

I can't believe Ed quit.

Yeah. And I can't believe we haven't.

So, for the reception
later, I'm practicing my

"I don't want to come to your table,
but thank you for the gift" wave.

So, how does this look?

A little gift from the reverend.

Between us, I think he's had a few.

Aww, Mom, you're crying.

I just thought this day would never come.

Come on. It's gonna be great.

You know what they say...

I'm not just gaining a son,
I'm spending a fortune.

Oh, Mom, Dad, I want to thank you.

I'm not sure what
exactly you've been doing,

but it must be a lot because
you both look exhausted.

Yo!

Here on best-man biz.

Get the camera ready 'cause this could
be her last hissy fit as a single gal.

What... What happened? Is something wrong?

Nothing happened.

Kyle's wearing the high tops.

Well, look at that. Something's happened.

Kyle cannot wear the high tops.

Well, as best man, I feel
it is incumbent upon me

to be the one to get the hell out of here.

Dad, you need to fix this, now.

A vein is about to pop out of my
forehead and ruin my pictures.

Mandy, I love you... but I'm out.

(Chuckles) What are you talking about?

I know this wedding scares you,

and I fixed everything I can
to make it better for you,

but you've crossed from scared into scary.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, Mom, make Dad fix this.

Uh, I... I'm with your father.

You have become a nightmare, and we're out.

Wow.

Fine.

I'm gonna go handle things myself.

Oh, and, by the way, as far as being
a wedding planner is concerned,

do not even think about
using me as a reference!

(Door closes)

That felt great.

(Laughs) So great.

Kyle, open the door.

KYLE: No. You can't see me
in my tux before the wedding.

It's bad luck.

N-No. No, honey, that's
just for the bride.

Why would the bride be in a tux?

I think this is a trick.

Okay.

Kyle, can you just come out here, please?

Hi.

I really don't want you
to wear the high tops.

No, I have to.

Why?

Have I ever told you about my
job interview with Mr. Alzate?

I'm sure it's a super-great story, but
we really don't have time right now.

I had to borrow a suit from a friend,
but I forgot to ask for shoes.

And so, I wound up wearing the
only ones I had... high tops.

I was wrong. It's not a great story.

When Mr. Alzate saw me in those shoes,
he said, "You're an original, kid.

I want you on my team."

Look, because of those shoes, he
gave me the job at Outdoor Man.

And because of that, I met Mr. B.,

and because of Mr. B., I
met the love of my life.

How come you never told me that before?

Well, you've been kind of...

(Sighs)

A nightmare?

Well, I was gonna say
distracted, but yeah, kind of.

Oh.

Mr. Alzate is like a dad to me.

And if he can't be there in person, then
at least he'll be there in sneaker.

Mm.

Ah.

You know the worst thing
about horror movies?

The monster always comes back.

I've wrecked my wedding.

Oh, God, she killed Kyle.

(Chuckles)

You didn't, did you?

I was so worried about making
everything perfect for the wedding,

I didn't realize I was ruining it for Kyle.

Oh, honey, if it makes you feel any
better, you didn't just ruin it for Kyle.

Vanessa.

You know what? You
haven't wrecked anything.

You tend to get scared when things
change, and you overwork the details.

You forget that there
are other people around.

Maybe that's something
you should remember now.

Honey, all this, it's wonderful,
but this isn't what it's about.

All a wedding needs is two people

who love each other and
the people who love them.

And for Kyle, that means having Ed there.

Okay. I think I know how to fix this,

but I'm going to need
your help pulling it off.

Now, this is the girl I love to help.

Mandy. Wait a minute.

Isn't there someplace
you need to be right now?

(Chuckles)

Yeah. Right here.

Ed, I want you to
reconsider being best man.

No, I can't.

I already went over this with your father.

Now, the road you and Kyle are
going down is, well... troubling.

I understand. I know.

I made my wedding all about me.

The wedding.

Right. And I get that now.

Although, in my defense, there is
no magazine called "Modern Groom."

Well, at least you're willing to admit it.

(Chuckles) It took me four marriages

and a 10-hour deposition
to get there, so...

I'm not perfect.

But being with Kyle makes me
want to be a better person.

You know, he always says
he doesn't deserve me,

but I know it's the other way around.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

That sweet little moppet has burrowed
his way into my ticker, as well.

(Laughs)

Guess you and I are a lot alike.

Hm?

Except that I have youth... and hair.

Listen, I have money... and tact.

Listen, I love Kyle, and he really, really

wants you at my... our wedding.

All right.

That's how you really feel, I'm back in.

Thank you. Thank you, Ed.

Come on. Let's go.

We'd better get to that church.

That minister seems a little uptight.

I know, right?

It's like, "Calm down.
It's just a wedding."

- But, no, no.
- What?

- We're not going to the church.
- What do you mean?

You've been waiting all your life
to get married in that church.

Ed, all a wedding needs is
two people who love each other

and the people who love them.

Hey, Ed.

One of these is for you.

Hey, Boyd, I got bumped
from best-man duty.

Can I help you with your job?

All right. Cool.

Stick close. Crowds scare me.

Only two things get me crying...

weddings and that video where a dog
takes a bus... to find its owner.

(Voice breaking) My baby's getting married.

(Chuckles)

I've been all over the world, but I've
never seen anything so beautiful.

Sorry for being such a pain in the ass.

If that were true, why is it
so hard to give you away?

I'm really glad you're here.

It wouldn't have been the same with Eve.

She hasn't been a great father to me.

I wouldn't have missed
it for the world, son.

Oh, and let's forget I almost missed it.

Please, be seated.

You look like an angel.

You should wear that all the time.

(Laughs)

We are gathered here today in
the presence of God, family,

friends, and fishing poles, which,
apparently, are on sale now through Tuesday.

Not just fishing poles, but
also ammunition... 30% off.

We were going to start with a reading,
but since we only have 15 minutes

till the shoppers arrive, why
don't we go right to the vows?

Mandy.

Kyle...

I'm so sorry about the shoe thing

and for not listening to you

or paying attention to your needs.

And for all of those times that you thought

that I was listening and I totally wasn't.

- These aren't the vows.
- I know. I know.

I just... I had to get it out first.

Kyle, I was only acting that way
because I wanted our wedding

to be crazy, over-the-top amazing, like
this totally unforgettable experience.

But you know what?

That's what every day with you is like.

I never dreamed I could be this
happy, and I can't believe

I'm the one who gets to marry you.

I love you so much.

Wow.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Ditto.

Um, perhaps a little more, son.

Mandy, I love you more than anything.

And you never have to apologize to me.

Unless you do something really awful,
and then it would just be polite.

You two kids are perfect for each other.

Kyle, do you have the rings?

I do.

Oh, and that's not the "I do" I do.

I'll do that one later.

Kyle, do you take Mandy to
be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

That's the "I do" I do.

And, Mandy, do you take Kyle to
be your lawfully wedded husband?

I totally do.

Then, by the powers vested in me by
the church, the state of Colorado,

and this fine
sporting-goods establishment,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

(Cheers and applause)

Come on, you guys. Pull it together.

(Sniffles) Wow.

There's some dust in here or something.

We may have stumbled upon
a new revenue source here.

Yeah, yeah.

We could have actual shotgun weddings.

(Clicks tongue)

Mikey, did I see you get a little
misty-eyed during the ceremony?

Yeah.

Although, I don't know if it
was my daughter getting married

or the fact that I paid
for a church we didn't use.

- Yeah.
- (Sighs)

Reverend. Now, come on, be honest.

- That wasn't that bad, right?
- Thank you.

You know what? She's a beautiful bride,
and in the end, it turned out wonderful.

Terrific. Wonderful, isn't it?

And, uh, Reverend, Reverend, hey, I
said, "Something off the shelf."

Yep. This is on him.

Oh, I'll be back to get the others later.

- Thanks, Mike.
- Uh-huh.

(Stammers) The others?

How much is this wedding going to cost me?

A lot less than your first four.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0