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(Blender whirrs)
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Morning, everybody.
3
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Oh.
4
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Green is not the color for breakfast.
5
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- Unless you're Dr. Seuss.
- (Chuckles)
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Well, will I drink it in a box?
7
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Will I drink it with a fox?
8
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How about you drink it alone in the garage?
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Behind a shelf, all by yourself.
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00:00:18,979 --> 00:00:20,499
Dad, there's bacon and eggs over here.
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Bacon and eggs... I am in.
12
00:00:22,650 --> 00:00:24,416
So, let's talk about our Halloween party.
13
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I'm out.
14
00:00:25,820 --> 00:00:28,554
Mike, for the last three
years you have said,
15
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"Let's not have a party.
We'll do it next year."
16
00:00:30,925 --> 00:00:32,591
Well, it sounds like we
have a good thing going.
17
00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:33,859
Let's do that.
18
00:00:33,928 --> 00:00:37,529
No, come on... I-I'll
even use the fancy 2% raise
19
00:00:37,565 --> 00:00:39,898
the teachers' union just
won to pay for the party.
20
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,602
Listen, I will give you
a 4% raise not to do it.
21
00:00:43,671 --> 00:00:46,472
Why? Dad, our Halloween
parties are always so much fun.
22
00:00:46,574 --> 00:00:48,474
Really?
23
00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:53,479
Let's all recall the party your mom
had us dress up as the Seven Dwarves.
24
00:00:53,547 --> 00:00:54,746
Well, listen, I had to be Grumpy.
25
00:00:54,815 --> 00:00:56,949
It was the stupidest Halloween ever.
26
00:00:57,017 --> 00:00:59,685
But I got to be Snow White,
because I look like this.
27
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,420
And a bird did land on my hand.
28
00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:05,557
You know, maybe this is the year you
finally go for my serial-killer theme.
29
00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:06,892
That can be scary.
30
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:09,194
Ah, you've been pitching that
idea since you were three.
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00:01:09,296 --> 00:01:12,097
That is scary. We're adults.
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I don't think we should do
these dress-up parties anymore.
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00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:15,300
No, no... You're not getting out of it.
34
00:01:15,402 --> 00:01:17,362
Look, just think of it as
a... as a family dinner
35
00:01:17,404 --> 00:01:20,205
where we're all dressed
up as... superheroes!
36
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- No.
- Superhero... no.
37
00:01:22,276 --> 00:01:25,844
Since you don't like any of our
ideas, why don't you come up with one?
38
00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:27,946
Yeah, you're supposed to
be the marketing genius.
39
00:01:28,015 --> 00:01:29,581
You pitch something.
40
00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:31,583
All right, picture this...
41
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(Intense voice) A dark house...
42
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A single light glows in the kitchen.
43
00:01:35,589 --> 00:01:38,490
A handsome man walks into the
kitchen, puts the light out.
44
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You hear a creaking of
steps as he goes upstairs,
45
00:01:40,961 --> 00:01:43,028
goes into his room, lays down.
46
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When he wakes up... it's November!
47
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:49,701
Oh, I get it. I get it. I get it.
48
00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,270
He's all alone in the house,
49
00:01:51,338 --> 00:01:54,506
because the family found a new
daddy who keeps his promises.
50
00:01:54,575 --> 00:01:57,376
We're having this party,
Mike, and you are planning it.
51
00:01:57,478 --> 00:01:59,279
(Normal voice) Why do
I have to do everything.
52
00:01:59,346 --> 00:02:03,549
And what is this new daddy gonna do?
53
00:02:03,651 --> 00:02:06,685
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.add7cted.com
54
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All right, Mikey, come on...
55
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(Knocks on door)
- ...heading for lunch.
56
00:02:14,962 --> 00:02:18,764
(Sighs) Now that Ed's let the cat out
of the bag, I guess you're invited.
57
00:02:18,866 --> 00:02:20,866
Listen, I'm racking my brain trying to
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00:02:20,968 --> 00:02:24,136
come up with a theme for
my family's Halloween party.
59
00:02:24,238 --> 00:02:26,004
- I got a fun one.
- I don't want a fun one.
60
00:02:26,106 --> 00:02:29,808
I want a bad one so bad they'll
never do this Halloween party again.
61
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:32,077
You're an awful man.
62
00:02:32,212 --> 00:02:34,746
And yet people keep inviting me to parties.
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00:02:34,848 --> 00:02:37,916
I don't. I don't even want you at lunch.
64
00:02:38,018 --> 00:02:39,851
I'm with you on killing Halloween.
65
00:02:39,954 --> 00:02:41,453
You know what ruined it for me last year?
66
00:02:41,589 --> 00:02:44,456
- Hey, guys!
- (Clears throat) This jackass.
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00:02:44,558 --> 00:02:47,960
Tell them about the costume
you wore on Halloween.
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00:02:48,062 --> 00:02:50,262
- Oh, when I was you?
- Mm-hmm.
69
00:02:50,364 --> 00:02:53,432
(Impersonating Ed) "I've never
been so insulted in my life."
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00:02:54,935 --> 00:02:56,802
(Normal voice) That was hilarious.
71
00:02:56,904 --> 00:02:59,905
(Impersonating Ed) "Now get
the hell back to work, Kyle."
72
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:02,341
(Normal voice) Okay!
73
00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:05,215
Little costume really got
under your skin, didn't it?
74
00:03:05,245 --> 00:03:07,145
Nobody likes to be impersonated.
75
00:03:07,247 --> 00:03:09,548
It's why Rich Little is despised.
76
00:03:09,650 --> 00:03:10,916
I don't know, Ed.
77
00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:13,452
They say imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
78
00:03:13,554 --> 00:03:15,874
Oh, why don't you show Mike
your impersonation of him then?
79
00:03:15,923 --> 00:03:18,857
I don't know what you're talking about.
80
00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:20,820
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
81
00:03:20,828 --> 00:03:22,429
This gives me an idea for a great theme.
82
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:26,064
My family wants a theme, I've
got the theme... my family.
83
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:29,234
They'll dress like each
other, act like each other,
84
00:03:29,336 --> 00:03:34,206
and if I play my cards right, they're
gonna end up hating each other.
85
00:03:34,308 --> 00:03:36,708
When I said you were an awful man,
86
00:03:36,810 --> 00:03:41,313
did I say "The most awful"?
Because I meant the most awful.
87
00:03:41,415 --> 00:03:44,549
Just relax. They'll stop hating each
other once they take the costumes off,
88
00:03:44,652 --> 00:03:46,685
but they'll never stop hating Halloween.
89
00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:49,021
Okay, okay. Well, who is gonna be who?
90
00:03:49,123 --> 00:03:50,822
- Natural enemies.
- Hmm.
91
00:03:50,924 --> 00:03:53,025
Eve will Mandy, Mandy will be Eve.
92
00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:54,893
Ryan and Kristin will be each other.
93
00:03:54,995 --> 00:03:57,763
My, God. It's gonna be a blood bath.
94
00:03:57,865 --> 00:03:59,965
Ryan and Kristin aren't natural enemies.
95
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:01,099
They're married.
96
00:04:01,201 --> 00:04:04,436
Fighting the urge to tell our
spouse what we really feel about them
97
00:04:04,538 --> 00:04:08,240
is what couples mistakenly call "love."
98
00:04:08,342 --> 00:04:10,942
Baxter, that is...
99
00:04:11,045 --> 00:04:12,844
Okay, that's true.
100
00:04:12,946 --> 00:04:16,882
So, you're gonna be Vanessa
and Vanessa will be you?
101
00:04:16,984 --> 00:04:19,785
No. I can't be Vanessa. She's too nice.
102
00:04:19,887 --> 00:04:23,088
Plus I... I can't walk in heels.
103
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:25,791
The trick is to keep
the weight on your toes.
104
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:29,828
Come on.
105
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:33,965
What I need for Vanessa is
somebody so nice it's annoying.
106
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I need... -I brought you guys cupcakes.
107
00:04:36,904 --> 00:04:40,138
...this jackass.
108
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,542
I'm not crazy about the new nickname, guys.
109
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(As Kristin) Hey, Mom!
110
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Ryan and I are here!
111
00:05:01,829 --> 00:05:04,629
(As Ryan) Hide the meat, you barbarians.
112
00:05:04,732 --> 00:05:06,598
Vanessa: Be right there!
113
00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,133
(Normal voice) Every time I
look at you, I start laughing.
114
00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:09,556
This is a great idea your dad...
115
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,436
(Normal voice) I know, I
know! You look so great, too!
116
00:05:11,538 --> 00:05:15,107
I mean, you went a little
overboard with the breasts.
117
00:05:15,209 --> 00:05:19,778
It's like no matter what I do, one
always just seems like it's smaller.
118
00:05:22,049 --> 00:05:25,050
(As Kristin) Oh, hey,
it's my little sister Eve!
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00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:27,652
(As Eve) Sure, lame, whatever.
120
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Grumble, grumble. Complain.
121
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(Normal voice) Oh, my God!
122
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I say this as a fashion designer...
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Ryan, you are rocking that tunic.
124
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- The boobs are a little much.
- The boobs are a lot much.
125
00:05:40,134 --> 00:05:42,501
(As Eve) Mandy, come
on! You're always late!
126
00:05:42,569 --> 00:05:45,704
The party's starting...
grumble, grumble, complain.
127
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(As Mandy) Here I am, everyone.
128
00:05:54,959 --> 00:05:56,428
You're welcome.
129
00:05:56,461 --> 00:05:59,064
You look so glamorous.
130
00:05:59,096 --> 00:06:02,099
I'm sorry, are there times
I don't look glamorous?
131
00:06:02,132 --> 00:06:04,402
(Normal voice) Why is one bigger?
132
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:21,786
(As Kyle) Hey, everybody.
133
00:06:21,819 --> 00:06:23,254
Sorry I'm late.
134
00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:26,325
I stopped to talk to a butterfly.
135
00:06:27,791 --> 00:06:28,760
Where's Dad?
136
00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:30,394
(Normal voice) Uh, I don't know.
137
00:06:30,428 --> 00:06:32,731
He's been working on his costume
in the garage all afternoon.
138
00:06:32,764 --> 00:06:33,932
Who's he gonna be?
139
00:06:33,964 --> 00:06:35,332
There's no one left in the family.
140
00:06:35,365 --> 00:06:38,135
We're here to make Halloween great again.
141
00:06:50,204 --> 00:06:51,570
I'll do it quickly.
142
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,839
It'll be amazing.
143
00:06:59,784 --> 00:07:01,350
Uh, I don't get it, Dad.
144
00:07:01,419 --> 00:07:03,285
We're all dressed like family,
and you're dressed like Trump?
145
00:07:03,388 --> 00:07:04,520
Mm.
146
00:07:04,622 --> 00:07:07,156
Trump is like family to me, believe me.
147
00:07:08,593 --> 00:07:12,962
He's got my aunt's hair and my
grandmother's hatred of foreigners.
148
00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:17,833
(As Kyle) I love whatever you
say and agree with it, Mr. B.
149
00:07:17,935 --> 00:07:20,936
Thank you, Kyle.
150
00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:23,806
You must hate this costume, huh?
151
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,908
Uh, are you kidding
me? I love that costume.
152
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:29,345
The guy single-handedly
destroyed his own party.
153
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:33,082
Why would anyone destroy their own party?
154
00:07:33,151 --> 00:07:34,784
You know, I am so glad we did this.
155
00:07:34,886 --> 00:07:37,086
- This is already so much fun.
- (Chuckles)
156
00:07:37,155 --> 00:07:39,522
We're just getting started.
157
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:41,891
(As Trump) Look at that...
Mandy Baxter, Mandy Baxter.
158
00:07:41,959 --> 00:07:43,192
How beautiful you are.
159
00:07:43,294 --> 00:07:44,794
You know, beauty is the
only thing that counts.
160
00:07:44,862 --> 00:07:46,582
(Giggles) (As Mandy ) Thank you, Mr. Trump.
161
00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:49,165
I was in a bit of a hurry, so it
only took me eight hours to get ready.
162
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,566
(Laughs)
163
00:07:50,635 --> 00:07:52,401
(As Eve) Well, I'm always ready.
164
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:57,339
I put on this outfit in the seventh
grade, and I've never changed out of it.
165
00:07:57,442 --> 00:07:58,908
(Laughs)
166
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:02,745
That's funny and mean...
my favorite kind of funny.
167
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:05,714
I laugh when I put on makeup,
because clowns are funny.
168
00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:10,286
I never laugh. It
interferes with my moping.
169
00:08:10,388 --> 00:08:11,787
But let me try.
170
00:08:11,889 --> 00:08:13,589
Ha.
171
00:08:13,691 --> 00:08:16,025
Ha.
172
00:08:16,094 --> 00:08:17,693
No. Never mind. It burns.
173
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:19,929
(Laughs)
174
00:08:19,997 --> 00:08:22,465
Come on, Mr. B and all the little Bs.
175
00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:23,866
(Laughs) Let's play a game
176
00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:28,404
where we're all super nice
and the winner is everybody.
177
00:08:28,506 --> 00:08:30,806
(As Kristin) Yeah, I'm with Kyle.
178
00:08:30,908 --> 00:08:32,942
Let's all just have fun!
179
00:08:33,845 --> 00:08:35,686
(Normal voice) I'm
surprised you're here, Ryan.
180
00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:36,846
I know you don't like Halloween.
181
00:08:36,914 --> 00:08:39,915
(As Ryan) Oh, you know, Halloween
used to be a beautiful pagan holiday,
182
00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:43,719
till it was taken over by Big Sugar.
183
00:08:45,923 --> 00:08:48,891
(Normal voice) Big Sugar
is not a joke, Kristin.
184
00:08:50,294 --> 00:08:52,334
(As Kristin) But I guess
I would know that if I read
185
00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:55,464
any of the books my husband
brought home for me to read.
186
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:58,801
Oh, yeah, yeah. You're right.
187
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:02,071
My wife should, like, you
know, work less and read more.
188
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,840
Oh, but wait. Then we'd starve.
189
00:09:04,942 --> 00:09:05,975
(Normal voice) All right, okay.
190
00:09:06,077 --> 00:09:07,757
Everybody, everybody... hang on, hang on.
191
00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:09,812
This is Mom for a second.
Um, listen... Let's...
192
00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:11,814
Let's not take any of
this personally, okay?
193
00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:14,350
(As Vanessa) Where's my Chardonnay?
194
00:09:22,660 --> 00:09:26,896
Oh, my God.
195
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:32,501
How long do I have to whine
before I can get some wine?
196
00:09:33,905 --> 00:09:35,871
(Normal voice) Mrs. B makes a lot of puns,
197
00:09:35,973 --> 00:09:40,476
and they're really hard to come
up with, so I have some cards...
198
00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:43,145
to help me be a card.
199
00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:45,548
Wow.
200
00:09:45,616 --> 00:09:48,350
You never looked better, Vanessa.
201
00:09:48,452 --> 00:09:53,255
He looks like the woman at the
hardware store who makes keys.
202
00:09:53,357 --> 00:09:56,325
Thanks, Mr. B.
203
00:09:56,394 --> 00:09:58,527
Mandy told me to wear
something called SPANX.
204
00:09:58,596 --> 00:10:03,032
I don't wear SPANX... that often.
205
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,221
(Normal voice) Come on, Mom.
206
00:10:04,268 --> 00:10:06,228
Remember, we're not taking
any of this personally.
207
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,336
Mike: (As Trump) That's right.
208
00:10:07,438 --> 00:10:10,539
Mandy Baxter, Mandy Baxter, I
understand you're a job creator like me.
209
00:10:10,608 --> 00:10:13,876
It must take quite a bit of brains
to have your own design company.
210
00:10:13,978 --> 00:10:15,844
(As Mandy) Mm. Nope.
211
00:10:17,648 --> 00:10:21,584
But I understand you're the
CEO of... of a vast empire.
212
00:10:21,652 --> 00:10:27,389
Well, I make tube tops in my parents'
basement, so it's more of a vest empire.
213
00:10:27,491 --> 00:10:29,592
(Normal voice) Uh, yeah.
I make more than tube tops.
214
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:30,726
(Normal voice) It was just a joke.
215
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:33,662
(Normal voice) Hey, Evie, Evie, Evie...
216
00:10:33,764 --> 00:10:36,532
(As Trump) So, you like
the military. So do I.
217
00:10:36,601 --> 00:10:39,802
(As Eve) Yeah, my whole life I
waited to get into West Point,
218
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:44,340
practically turned myself into a guy,
but, uh, they still didn't want me,
219
00:10:44,408 --> 00:10:49,044
so now I write songs for no money,
which is exactly how much they're worth.
220
00:10:49,146 --> 00:10:50,946
(Normal voice) Basement clown.
221
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:52,314
(Normal voice) Guitar monkey.
222
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:53,816
(Normal voice) Oh, hey, look,
there's your next protest...
223
00:10:53,884 --> 00:10:57,019
Save the Guitar Monkeys.
224
00:10:57,121 --> 00:11:02,091
(Normal voice) Why? So you can kill
them and serve them in your restaurant?
225
00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:05,427
Everybody, come on! Stop,
stop. This is a party!
226
00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:07,129
(As Vanessa) I'm enjoying this part-E.
227
00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:10,532
I can't wait for part-F.
228
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:17,206
Shove it, Kyle.
229
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:21,977
Ah, Halloween. It's a great,
great holiday, believe me.
230
00:11:34,103 --> 00:11:35,863
(As Vanessa) Hey, kids,
why don't we play...
231
00:11:35,893 --> 00:11:38,127
No!
232
00:11:38,195 --> 00:11:40,195
Ooh, I can make my famous...
233
00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:42,331
No!
234
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,999
(Normal voice) Wow.
235
00:11:44,068 --> 00:11:47,069
Mrs. B, people do not like you.
236
00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:48,737
Mike: (Exhales sharply)
237
00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:50,372
That was fun. That was great.
238
00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:51,874
I got a bunch of
little trick-or-treaters
239
00:11:51,942 --> 00:11:55,711
to start chanting "Lock
her up, lock her up."
240
00:11:55,813 --> 00:11:58,314
Ah...
241
00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:00,349
Got kind of choked up.
242
00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:04,219
So, what'd I miss?
243
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:07,523
My wife made fun of my
interest in Buddhism.
244
00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:11,627
Religious bigotry... always funny.
245
00:12:11,729 --> 00:12:13,529
Please ignore that bearded woman.
246
00:12:13,631 --> 00:12:16,832
She's just cranky from lugging
around those enormous boobs.
247
00:12:18,035 --> 00:12:19,802
Yuge.
248
00:12:19,904 --> 00:12:20,936
(Doorbell rings)
249
00:12:21,005 --> 00:12:22,004
All: I'll get it.
250
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:23,672
I'll get it! (Sighs)
251
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:27,776
It'd be nice to see some kids who
are just pretending to be monsters.
252
00:12:27,845 --> 00:12:30,879
Geez, this party is so lame.
253
00:12:30,981 --> 00:12:34,550
And that's the real me.
I'm not even doing Eve.
254
00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:36,985
Can we please wrap this up?
255
00:12:37,054 --> 00:12:39,021
I'm having a good time.
256
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:42,524
It's not like I can control the party.
257
00:12:42,626 --> 00:12:44,360
(As Vanessa) I'm enjoying this part-E.
258
00:12:44,462 --> 00:12:47,496
- I can't wait for part...
- Kyle, you already did that one!
259
00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:50,099
Please! This has to end!
260
00:12:50,201 --> 00:12:51,900
All right.
261
00:12:52,002 --> 00:12:55,738
I'll go... see if I can make a deal.
262
00:12:55,806 --> 00:12:57,005
(Chuckles)
263
00:12:57,074 --> 00:12:59,942
(As Trump) You know, there's an art to it.
264
00:13:04,749 --> 00:13:07,182
Hey. What's wrong with everybody?
265
00:13:07,284 --> 00:13:08,617
Oh, Mike, this is awful.
266
00:13:08,719 --> 00:13:10,386
All we have done is insult each other.
267
00:13:10,454 --> 00:13:11,754
Yeah.
268
00:13:11,856 --> 00:13:14,089
I hate to say this, but maybe
we should just call it a night.
269
00:13:14,158 --> 00:13:16,325
(Scoffs) You know... You
know why I wanted this party?
270
00:13:16,427 --> 00:13:17,559
- Yeah.
- You know why?
271
00:13:17,661 --> 00:13:20,195
Because everybody in this
family was there for me
272
00:13:20,264 --> 00:13:21,830
when I was worried about
the teachers' strike.
273
00:13:21,932 --> 00:13:23,132
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, and I just...
274
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:24,466
I just wanted to celebrate.
275
00:13:24,568 --> 00:13:27,703
But after tonight, I-I never want
to have a Halloween party again.
276
00:13:27,805 --> 00:13:29,104
You know I hate to say this.
277
00:13:29,173 --> 00:13:32,608
But in some small way, I blame myself.
278
00:13:32,676 --> 00:13:34,977
Honey, it's not your fault.
279
00:13:35,079 --> 00:13:36,712
You didn't do it.
280
00:13:40,351 --> 00:13:42,151
I did it!! Yeah!
281
00:13:42,219 --> 00:13:44,019
(Doorbell rings)
282
00:13:48,426 --> 00:13:49,658
Ahh!
283
00:14:03,707 --> 00:14:07,676
What is that?
284
00:14:07,778 --> 00:14:09,978
It's what I'm wearing to the VFW party.
285
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,146
What is that?
286
00:14:11,248 --> 00:14:13,749
Donald Trump.
287
00:14:13,851 --> 00:14:15,617
You can't be Donald Trump.
288
00:14:15,686 --> 00:14:17,753
Why, because I'm black?
289
00:14:17,822 --> 00:14:19,822
No, because you're not orange.
290
00:14:21,926 --> 00:14:23,525
Mine is ironic.
291
00:14:23,627 --> 00:14:26,395
Yours is a tribute.
292
00:14:26,497 --> 00:14:30,466
- Mine is a stroke of genius.
- Huh.
293
00:14:30,568 --> 00:14:34,169
I think I might have just killed
the Baxter Halloween party for good.
294
00:14:34,271 --> 00:14:36,939
Okay, listen, listen, listen
...I-I got some bad news.
295
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:39,007
I just off the phone with Carol.
296
00:14:39,109 --> 00:14:40,976
The school board finally figured out
297
00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:43,011
how they're gonna pay
for the teachers' raises.
298
00:14:43,113 --> 00:14:44,313
Oh, no. Don't tell me layoffs.
299
00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:45,447
Yeah, yeah.
300
00:14:45,549 --> 00:14:48,183
And since Vanessa was
one of the last hired...
301
00:14:48,285 --> 00:14:49,585
- Crap!
- Yeah.
302
00:14:49,687 --> 00:14:51,420
Carol's been trying to call Vanessa.
303
00:14:51,522 --> 00:14:54,389
I-I don't know how you're
gonna tell her she's fired.
304
00:14:59,975 --> 00:15:01,308
I can't tell her that she's fired
305
00:15:01,377 --> 00:15:03,811
on a night that the family is
going at each other's throats.
306
00:15:03,879 --> 00:15:09,616
So, you wrecked your own party and
still see yourself as the victim? Well...
307
00:15:09,685 --> 00:15:11,952
You're right, you do make
a better Trump than me.
308
00:15:21,163 --> 00:15:22,596
Mike: Where's everybody going?
309
00:15:22,665 --> 00:15:25,232
Kristin: Mom said the party's over,
so I guess it's time for Ryan and me
310
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,968
to ride home in stony silence.
311
00:15:28,037 --> 00:15:29,797
Yeah, and I've got to
get out of this makeup.
312
00:15:29,872 --> 00:15:32,606
I do not want to wake up with
the Shroud of Turin on my pillow.
313
00:15:32,675 --> 00:15:35,709
Nobody is going anywhere.
314
00:15:35,778 --> 00:15:38,145
(As Eve) Oh, you mean like my music career.
315
00:15:38,247 --> 00:15:40,414
Hold on a minute.
316
00:15:40,483 --> 00:15:41,982
We got to reboot this party.
317
00:15:42,051 --> 00:15:43,851
I just found out your mom lost her job.
318
00:15:43,953 --> 00:15:46,520
But being a teacher
means everything to Mom.
319
00:15:46,589 --> 00:15:47,654
This is gonna crush her.
320
00:15:47,723 --> 00:15:49,456
Well, not tonight it's not, you know?
321
00:15:49,525 --> 00:15:51,625
We're gonna give her the holiday
party that she's always wanted,
322
00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:53,360
and I'll tell her she's fired tomorrow.
323
00:15:54,330 --> 00:15:56,330
Wh... I was fired?!
324
00:15:56,398 --> 00:15:58,165
Or I could tell her now.
325
00:15:58,267 --> 00:15:59,700
Oh.
326
00:15:59,769 --> 00:16:01,468
Chuck just came over. Carol's
been trying to call you, honey.
327
00:16:01,537 --> 00:16:04,404
I'm sorry. -Oh... (Groans)
328
00:16:06,809 --> 00:16:08,509
Well, this blows.
329
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:10,010
Yeah, I feel really bad.
330
00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:12,045
(Normal voice) We all should.
We acted pretty awful tonight.
331
00:16:12,114 --> 00:16:13,834
Yeah, Dad had this awesome idea for a party
332
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:17,184
and all we did was rip into each other.
333
00:16:17,286 --> 00:16:19,186
Yeah, about this awesome idea...
334
00:16:19,288 --> 00:16:20,854
You know, the truth is...
335
00:16:20,923 --> 00:16:22,256
I, uh...
336
00:16:22,358 --> 00:16:27,127
I forgive all of you, you know?
337
00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:30,497
And maybe we all learned
something tonight, huh?
338
00:16:32,134 --> 00:16:33,700
What are you gonna say to her, Dad?
339
00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:36,270
I don't know. I'm just
gonna be there for her.
340
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:41,475
(As Vanessa) And that's
why I married that man.
341
00:16:45,014 --> 00:16:48,081
(Door opens, closes)
342
00:16:49,752 --> 00:16:51,351
Hey. How you doing?
343
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:54,054
(Scoffs) I feel like such a dope.
344
00:16:54,156 --> 00:16:57,925
Ah, that's just the costume talking.
345
00:17:00,554 --> 00:17:02,434
Listen, you have every
reason to feel sad, okay?
346
00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:03,697
No, I am not sad.
347
00:17:03,766 --> 00:17:05,566
I am really, really mad.
348
00:17:05,634 --> 00:17:06,900
Well, that's good. You should be mad.
349
00:17:06,969 --> 00:17:08,535
The school board... That
was all wrong what they did.
350
00:17:08,604 --> 00:17:13,240
No, no, no... I am not mad
at them... although they suck!
351
00:17:13,342 --> 00:17:15,909
I'm mad at myself.
352
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:17,731
- You didn't do anything here.
- I did. I did.
353
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:19,513
- No, you didn't.
- No, I was this close
354
00:17:19,582 --> 00:17:23,116
to being the vice president of an
energy company, and I gave it all up
355
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:25,919
because I had this stupid
idea to chase a dream.
356
00:17:26,021 --> 00:17:28,822
Hmm.
357
00:17:28,891 --> 00:17:31,491
Well, let's not talk about
the high-paying job you gave up
358
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,861
and the stuff we could have
bought with that capital.
359
00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:37,297
I think it's always a good
idea to chase your dreams.
360
00:17:37,399 --> 00:17:40,300
No, of course you do, honey,
because your dreams always come true.
361
00:17:40,369 --> 00:17:42,636
You plan to make something
happen and it happens.
362
00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:43,837
Well, don't compare yourself to me.
363
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,740
You're already feeling
too bad about yourself.
364
00:17:45,808 --> 00:17:47,107
(Scoffs)
365
00:17:47,176 --> 00:17:48,842
I just want this night to be over.
366
00:17:48,911 --> 00:17:50,510
- No, no.
- This whole family party was,
367
00:17:50,613 --> 00:17:53,313
as Trump would say, "A disaster."
368
00:17:55,384 --> 00:17:56,450
Guys, no, no.
369
00:17:56,518 --> 00:17:58,185
I'm not listening to any
more fighting tonight.
370
00:17:58,254 --> 00:18:01,174
Well, maybe they came out here for
another reason... right, right, right?
371
00:18:01,223 --> 00:18:03,056
Yeah, Mom. We just came to help.
372
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,125
Well, great. Think you can go back in time
373
00:18:05,227 --> 00:18:06,960
and talk me out of becoming a teacher?
374
00:18:07,029 --> 00:18:10,297
She's feeling upset
about chasing her dream.
375
00:18:10,366 --> 00:18:14,835
Mandy, do you think it was a
bad idea to chase your dream?
376
00:18:14,904 --> 00:18:18,605
Um... Eve was the one who asked
if she could help, but okay.
377
00:18:18,707 --> 00:18:21,041
Actually, I'm not talking to Mandy-Eve.
378
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:22,576
I'm talking to Eve-Mandy.
379
00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:25,279
(As Mandy) Oh, you mean the fashion thing?
380
00:18:25,381 --> 00:18:26,780
No, it wasn't a mistake.
381
00:18:26,882 --> 00:18:29,816
But a lot of people
said "You can't do that."
382
00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:32,286
Well, because I was so pretty,
people thought I wasn't smart.
383
00:18:32,388 --> 00:18:34,454
But I said "Screw them,"
because now my business
384
00:18:34,556 --> 00:18:38,158
is almost too big for that
basement because I am really smart.
385
00:18:38,193 --> 00:18:40,761
Even my little sister thinks so.
386
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,397
But she was making fun
of you all night long.
387
00:18:43,465 --> 00:18:47,501
(As Eve) Yeah, 'cause I don't
want people to think that I care.
388
00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:51,605
They'll think it's lame...
grumble, grumble, complain.
389
00:18:53,309 --> 00:18:54,341
Can I say something?
390
00:18:54,443 --> 00:18:56,743
No.
391
00:18:56,812 --> 00:18:59,079
Your mom's dealing with a
...a major disappointment.
392
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,347
- (Sighs)
- You can relate to that.
393
00:19:00,416 --> 00:19:03,517
Heck yeah. My whole life, I
wanted to go to West Point.
394
00:19:03,619 --> 00:19:04,918
It was my dream.
395
00:19:04,987 --> 00:19:07,120
And when I didn't get in, it really hurt.
396
00:19:07,222 --> 00:19:09,222
But I didn't cry about it.
397
00:19:09,325 --> 00:19:12,225
(Clicks tongue) I'm not
a baby. I'm a badass.
398
00:19:12,294 --> 00:19:17,798
But my big sister cried about
it, even though she never told me.
399
00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:23,337
Well, I hate to cry, because
it ruins $40 worth of makeup.
400
00:19:23,405 --> 00:19:29,209
But now, I have this whole new music
thing, which I think makes me pretty cool.
401
00:19:29,311 --> 00:19:30,344
(Mike chuckles)
402
00:19:30,412 --> 00:19:32,546
(Normal voice) And it sort of does.
403
00:19:32,648 --> 00:19:34,014
- Um, my turn.
- No!
404
00:19:34,116 --> 00:19:36,083
Dad.
405
00:19:36,151 --> 00:19:37,951
All right.
406
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:41,555
Well, I'm sure my wife
will mock me for this,
407
00:19:41,657 --> 00:19:44,358
but I'd like to share
something the Dalai Lama said
408
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:46,259
that I think speaks to your situation.
409
00:19:46,328 --> 00:19:48,195
He said "Sometimes not
getting what you want
410
00:19:48,263 --> 00:19:50,063
can be a wonderful stroke of luck."
411
00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:51,198
- Hmm.
- What?
412
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,533
I read some of the books you give me.
413
00:19:53,635 --> 00:19:56,403
I love you, you jerk.
414
00:19:56,472 --> 00:20:00,407
Look at that. There's my family.
415
00:20:00,509 --> 00:20:03,143
Where have you guys been all night?
416
00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:06,446
You know what?
417
00:20:06,548 --> 00:20:09,182
This turned out to be the perfect party.
418
00:20:09,284 --> 00:20:11,818
(Scoffs) Well, of course. I planned it.
419
00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:17,090
And we are gonna have one every year!
420
00:20:22,564 --> 00:20:25,699
You know, in a small way, I blame myself.
421
00:20:32,342 --> 00:20:36,177
(As Vanessa) Okay, listen up!
422
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:39,547
I am a good teacher, and
I am not gonna go quietly.
423
00:20:39,649 --> 00:20:42,483
I say we grab a carton of eggs,
head down to that school board,
424
00:20:42,585 --> 00:20:45,152
and "Eggs-press ourselves."
425
00:20:47,123 --> 00:20:49,724
Mandy: Ah, sweetie, don't be ridiculous.
426
00:20:49,826 --> 00:20:51,692
Yeah, Kyle. Everything's fine now.
427
00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:56,063
I could throw an egg or two.
428
00:20:56,165 --> 00:20:57,732
Don't do it. Let me do it.
429
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,470
I can get away with anything, believe me.
430
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:07,070
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