All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s03e22 Mutton Busting.eng

"Last Man Standing" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.

Oh, wow. Hey. Why are
you guys so dressed up?

Oh, we are taking Boyd to see
his first Shakespeare play.

Oh, he's 7. Pshh.

Isn't he a little young for "Hamlet"?

Nope. This version's
cut down to 15 minutes,

and everybody but Ophelia
is played by a sock puppet.

He actually might be too old for this.

Well, dad's taking Boyd
to the rodeo next week,

and we are just trying to balance it out.

My prediction
...rodeo wins.

Yee-haw!

(Gasps) Oh, my God! What happened, honey?

I fell off my bike.
Are... are you okay?

- I thought I was.
- Oh...

I told him he was fine.
Don't give him any options.

Uh, how could he fall off his bike
if it has training wheels, Mike?

'Cause I took them off.

If you're not falling, you're not learning.

Yeah, you know what else you're not doing?

Falling. Okay?

Did you hit your head?

No. He hit his knee. Did you hit your head?

Okay. Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up.

There's nothing wrong
with kids getting hurt.

That's why we had four daughters.

You had an older sister,

but she just kept running
around the house with scissors.

Okay, dad, we don't want
Boyd taking any risks.

He's going through a clumsy phase.

If he doesn't try doing things he's bad
at, he'll never be great at anything.

Ryan understands.

You're Canadian.

Hockey, bacon, Celine Dion.

Do you want me to keep
going? 'Cause I will.

Actually, I do, 'cause I think that's it.

Here he is! Good as new.

And if any of his classmates ask,
he got that fighting ninjas.

I think what we learned today

is that someone shouldn't be riding
their bike without their training wheels.

No, the headline here is, he got almost
all the way down to Larabee's house

without the training wheels.

- Really? He got that far?
- Yeah.

You know, actually, I'm not surprised.

In college I used to
ride a unicycle to class.

A lot of eyes on this guy.

I bet you sure miss clown college.

Uh, honey, we talked about this, okay?

Boyd is just not ready.

You're probably right, mom. I'm not ready.

Let's go see the sad play
that I won't understand.

Dad, I need your word.

No more bike rides without training wheels.

- The only reason I'm do...
- No, Mike. You know what? We've had our say.

And as usual, you have
had both of our says.

Now it's time to let them go watch
a tube sock contemplate suicide.

All right. You have my word.

No more riding bikes
without training wheels.

Well, does that look like fun?
Do you want to do that?

I sure do, Mr. B.

Kyle. I'm talking to the kid.

Right.

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.Addic7ed.Com

And the answer is?

I got "x" equals -7.

Correct. (Chuckles)

Five points for Gryffindor!

Now I'll teach you guys a trick
for multiplying factorials.

I need a visual aid.

Justin, can you grab us
eight bottles of soda?

Yeah, sure.

I'll be right back.

Thank you, Justin.

Oh, and, uh, one point for Slytherin.

Will you go to prom with me?

What? No. I have a boyfriend,
and he's 20 feet away.

Yeah, I know. I calculated.
I got about 12 seconds.

So, can I pick you up at like 6:00?

I told you. I'm not interested.

But look at how cute we'd be together.

Whoa.

Why are we in Paris?

Why is the sky red?

I factored in climate change.

The future's bleak.

That's why we should live in love now!

Anyway, that's why you're
left with the variable "y."

(Chuckles lightly)

Why, Eve? Why?

(Doorbell rings)

I'm gonna get the door. (Sighs)

Did you ask Eve out again
while I was in the kitchen?

Why? Are you guys having problems?

Hey.

Hey. I'm here to get Boyd.

My dad took him to Outdoor Man.

I really wish Mike had told me that.

Yeah.

He was gonna call you,
but then he thought, "eh."

Wait. They didn't take
Boyd's bike, did they?

No. They drove. It's like 10 Miles, dude.

(Sighs) What is he doing?
Kristin's gonna kill me.

Eve! Eve!

Andrew, what are you doing?

Shh! Justin thinks I'm in the kitchen.

So, prom? What do you say?

Hey, do you want anything?
Andrew's in the kitchen.

He's holding on good. Look at that.

See?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right.

Look. He's popping back up
and gettin' right back on.

You want to be just like him.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! That's not your sheep!

Mutton head. Get out of here.

All right. You're up next, Boyd.

Good deal. Just hold on. Have some fun.

- Boyd.
- Hi, dad.

- What are you doing, Mike?
- What do you mean, what am I doing?

I promised no more bikes
without training wheels.

I said nothing about robot sheep.

Okay, Boyd, come on down from there.
I don't want you to hurt yourself.

Kyle, don't take him
down. Kyle, take him down.

Awkward moment involving a sheep.

I've been here before.

See, you can't keep telling
Boyd he's not good at things.

He's gonna start listening to you.

He's not as good as
I am about tuning you out.

Dad, can I please try the sheep?

Listen. He rode a bike for almost half
a block without the training wheels.

- Okay. All right, fine.
- Yeah?

But on the lowest setting, Kyle.

(Sighs)

Look at that. Huh?

I'm doing it. Whoops!

Holy crap! Boyd, don't try to move!

I'm okay. But I guess you're right.

I am not good at this.

Mike: You can't stop life
from knocking kids down.

The best we can do is
help them to get back up.

You want to give it another try?

There you go. All right.

All right, hang on Boyd.

I'm cranking it all the way to "trot".

Look. He's doing it.

Way to go, Boyd! Wave!

That's probably not a
good idea. He'll... no.

Oh! Sorry! Oh, my bad!

Hop up. Let's go, kid. Come on.

This time, try to just squeeze
your legs around the animal there.

All right.

There you go. See that? H-hold on.

He's doing good.

Yeah, he is. I-I try to get
him to not give up on things,

but Kristin's so stubborn.

So you just give up?

Yeah.

Well, take a lesson from your kid.
Stick to your guns.

Or... the u.N. Or whatever you
liberals use to defend yourself.

- Wow, look at that.
- Mike: Huh?

That kid's screwed on there like a tick.

The miracles of microengineering.

Oh, yeah.

You know, our store is sponsoring mutton
busting at the rodeo this weekend.

Mm-hmm.

You know, uh, if Boyd can ride that
lamb-droid, I bet he can ride the real thing.

Hmm?

I would like to see him get a trophy.

Oh, he... he's got plenty of trophies.

I'm not talking about the kind
you get for just showing up.

I'm talking about the kind
of trophy they give you

when you're better at
things than other people.

He does not have one of those.

Yeah, we could use a kid like Boyd.

Last year, the sheep were throwing kids off

like... like ticks shedding
their... their outer skin.

All right, it was tick week
on the Discovery Channel.

Mike, I don't know
about convincing Kristin.

A-a real sheep has got to be more
dangerous than this one, right?

No, no, no, no.

Only in one respect.

Ticks?

Forget sharks. Forget grizzly bears.

Ticks are the perfect killing machine.

- Are they really?
- Uh-huh.

The perfect killing machine,
and yet you can stop them

by tucking your pants into your socks.

Uhh. I'm done with men.

Well, it's a good choice,
because we are the worst.

Vanessa: (Chuckles)

Honey, what's going on? Is Andrew
still bugging you to go out with him?

Yeah, but that's so constant,

I've tuned it out like the
hum of the refrigerator.

The refrigerator doesn't hum.

Oh. Now that's gonna drive me crazy.

I like this Andrew. I really do.

He kind of reminds me of Richard Nixon.

Really?

You met Andrew once, and you pay
him your highest compliment?

Nixon was a go-getter.
He courted Pat for years.

She kept saying no. He just wore
her down. He's not a quitter.

Yep. Right up until he resigned.

I'm talking about Justin, okay?

I told him I would go to
prom with him on Saturday,

but he wants me to wear a dress.

Okay. I want to be angry for
you, but you're just gonna...

You're gonna have to
give me more to work with.

Okay. So, j-rotsee cadets are allowed
to wear their formal uniforms, right?

Right, okay.

Justin's wearing his,
but he told me I can't.

What? You want to wear your
little soldier costume to prom?

No! Come on!

You're there to turn
heads, not blow them off.

I say cut this guy loose.

It's not Justin's job to tell you
what to do except during squad drills

when his job is to tell you what to do.

And he calls me "maggot," which
I actually prefer to "babe."

He calls you "babe"?

What a maggot.

I just hate to see you
miss out on your first prom

over a silly thing like this.

No, come on. It's not silly.

I mean, as much as I'd
like to see Eve go to prom,

I like that she's standing up for herself.

(Smooches)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
think I agree, you know?

You don't want to go through life
with a man bossing you around.

Tell them I'm right, Vanessa.

He's right. Believe me.
You do not want that.

Thank you, maggot.

Oh. You know, actually,
um, I prefer "babe."

- All right.
- (Chuckles)

You know what? Dad's right.

Screw Justin. I'll just skip
the stupid dance.

Mandy: Yeah.

Hey, is that your friend Andrew,
or is Rachel Maddow in our yard?

Why are you here?

And how did you get into my backyard?

(Sighs) I just jumped the fence.

(Chuckling) Hey, I-I jumped a fence.

Aww, I've had boyfriends jump that fence,

but usually he was running the other
direction with my dad chasing him.

You want me to go? Okay.

Look, Eve.

I read your Facebook post
about your fight with Justin.

If you go to prom with me,
you can wear whatever you want.

You know, I don't care.
I'll wear the dress.

That's... that's not a
selling point, Andrew.

No. Don't say no. Just think about it.

We can talk later.

A-actually, can I go through your house?

I can't jump over that fence again.

I don't want to risk losing
something I might need Saturday night.

That's gross.

Oh, oh, I w... I was
talking about my wallet.

Oh, hey. Listen, buddy.

Um, let's not tell mommy
about riding the sheep, okay?

Is it a secret?

No. It's not a secret.

I just want to talk to her first.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hey, hon!

I was riding a sheep!

Boyd.

I let you talk to her first.

I'm sorry. You let him on a sheep?

At Outdoor Man. It was
just a mechanical one.

I'm riding a real one on Saturday!

You are really not
helping me out here, dude.

Wait. Mutton busting?

(Exhales sharply) No, no, no, honey.

You... you are not
ready for mutton busting.

But everybody said I was good enough.

Who's everybody?

Dad, grandpa, the old
bald man who likes ticks.

Why don't you go wash up, buddy?

So, this was my father's idea.

Yes. But for once,
I actually agree with him.

You know, it'll be good
for Boyd's confidence.

He'll walk with a little
more spring in his step.

Because of the compound fracture.

He will either win, or he'll get
practice dealing with not winning,

which will be a win.

And if it's not, he'll get practice
dealing with the not winning,

which will also be a win, so
it's like a win-win-win-win-win?

Okay, look, I know everybody
thinks that I'm overreacting,

but Boyd is just not coordinated
enough, so I am saying no.

Unilaterally?

Yes. I'm the mom.

Then what am I even doing here?

At the moment, you're losing
an argument. (Chuckles)

I'm sure you could twist
it around and make it a win.

(Chuckles)

No, I-I'm being serious.

Am I just your live-in boyfriend,

or am I Boyd's co-parent
and your equal partner?

We are totally equal. I am
just also the tie-breaker.

Well, it feels like I have no status here.

And you know what?
I'm not down with that anymore.

I've waited long enough, Kris.
I want us to be an actual family.

Mommy, I know I'm clumsy,
but I want to ride the sheep.

You are not clumsy, buddy.
You did really great today.

I am sure you did, okay?

And I... I want to say yes. I do.

But... I-I'm scared.

I'm not scared, mommy.

Neither am I.

(Doorbell ringing)

Did you not hear the doorbell?

I thought it was on the TV.

They're skiing.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Can we talk?

Uh, depends.

Are you gonna demand I put on
some special "we're talking" dress?

No. What you're wearing's fine.

Look. I'm sorry we had that fight.

I shouldn't have pushed you
about wearing a stupid dress.

Thanks. That means a lot to me.

Although I still don't
get what the big deal was.

(Sighs) The deal is that you think
you're allowed to tell me what to do.

But I can't...
I get that now,

which is why I'm letting
you wear your uniform.

(Chuckling) Ohh...

So you're letting me. Wow.

(Exhales sharply) Thanks so much.

You're welcome.

Do you come from a planet with no sarcasm?

Or one where it's okay to talk over
"Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"?

Ah-ahem!

All right. Let's just take this out here.

Was that sarcasm?
(Sighs)

Hey. What's going on? I heard the doorbell.

Oh, no. That was just on the TV.

They're skiing.

Eve and Justin are out on the porch.

Oh. What are they doing?

Nothing to worry about.
Just some light porch stuff.

I thought those two were fighting.

Ah, well, I guess they
got to the making-up part.

Oh. Well, that's... that's unsettling.

(Chuckles lightly)

Mom, they're just kissing.

No, no, uh, Mr. Yekekian is
watching from his bedroom window.

(Cheers and applause)

Ed: All right, next
event will be mutton busting,

sponsored by your friends at Outdoor Man.

But first, a little notice here.

Uh, Mr. Walker Pickering,
please talk to event officials.

Apparently, your mother has died.

Okay. Let's get going!
Let's get going here!

Come on! Come on!

Are we sure this is okay for Boyd?

Riding a sheep is basically
riding a sweater.

He'll be fine. He'll be fine.

Please, please tell me he will be fine.

(Chuckles) Yeah. He will be fine.

Unless it's the sheep
that killed Mrs. Pickering.

Oh, stop it.

First up, we have Holly Wexler
riding the good sheep Lollipop.

Holly is 6, and she likes dogs and pizza.

- Okay, Holly.
- Sounds kind of soft to me.

I think Boyd's gonna mop
the corral with her.

Here she comes.

(Cheers and applause)

(Crowd groans)

All right. Nice ride, Holly.

Next time. Game girl.

Okay. The next buckaroo up...

riding sheep-wreck is
little Myron Mendelbaum.

He likes stray cats and rope.

Someone should check that kid's basement.

(Chuckles)

(Cheers and applause)

- (Crowd groans)
- Ohh, look at that.

- Oh, no. All right, Myron.
- Sorry. Good try, Myron!

Next up is Boyd Baxter... Hey!

...riding... Gary.

He'll either win, or he'll learn a
valuable lesson in not quitting.

And maybe develop a lifelong fear of sheep.

Mm.

And if that fear keeps him up at night,

he won't have anything to
count to fall back to sleep.

Isn't one rodeo clown enough?

Hmm?

Relax, Boyd.

Riding a sheep is just like riding a bike.

I don't know how to ride a bike.

That's why I'm riding a sheep.

Wow.

I just cannot seem to escape
awkwardness around these animals.

Oh. I can't watch. Here he comes.

- I can't...
- (Cheers and applause)

Ryan: There... go, Boyd!

Go! Look! Go, Boyd!

- Whoo! Whoo!
- Yeah!

- Well, you won't see that on ESPN.
- (Chuckles)

It's all about Lebron.

(Laughs) Good job, Boyd.

That sheep will remember this day
as being very (Bleating) ba-a-a-d.

(Laughs)

Try to respect the rodeo.

(Cheers and applause)

Hey, that's my kid!

King of the sheep! Suck it, Gary!

Suck it!

What?! Oh, yeah!

You might see that on ESPN.

I won, I won, I won!

(Laughs)

But remember, buddy, losing
is just as good as winning.

Aren't those the lyrics to
the Canadian national anthem?

(Smooches) If he can ride
a sheep, he can ride a bike.

Yeah, but the good thing about a bike...

it doesn't die if you leave
it in the garage all winter.

All right, dad. I concede, okay?

He can ride his bike
without the training wheels.

I don't care. I'm still
gonna buy him a sheep.

(Gasps)

Wow!

Look! I made a girl!

What are you all dressed up for?

The rodeo's over.

It only took two hours,
but we finally look related.

Honey, I thought you decided
you weren't gonna go to the prom.

I didn't like being told what to wear,
but I realized I did want to go.

(Doorbell rings)

- I'm gonna get the camera.
- Okay, okay.

Um, yeah, I'm... I'm so glad you're going,

but I don't like that
you caved in to Justin.

Hi. I'm here to pick up Eve.

Eve, Nixon's here.

Wow.

Uh, honey. Um, just, I'm... confused.

I mean, I saw you on the
porch with Justin. I-I...

Oh, I'm keeping my options open.

I mean, let's face it.

Neither one of these guys are
gonna end up Mr. Eve Baxter.

Hey. I... I don't know about that.

I mean, Ginny Weasley didn't think

she was gonna end up
with Harry Potter, either.

Dad, we're leaving.

Hey. Before you guys take off,

how about you and I take a
little tour of my gun cabinet?

He's already terrified of me.

It's true. I hurled a lot on the way here.

Chances for a kiss just went from 1% to 0.

What about one more? Get together...

Okay, that's it. Look like...
look like you're having fun.

- Have a good time.
- There you go.

Enjoy yourselves. All right.

You look beautiful!

- Take care of her.
- Take care of her, all right?

That kid sweats like Nixon.

I am so proud of Eve standing
up for herself like that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

She figured out what she
wanted, and she went for it.

In a way, I did, too.

Mom, I have something to tell you.

(Chuckles)

And, Mike, I have to thank you for
helping me work on my persistence.

- Don't thank me. You don't have to thank me.
- I hung in there with Kris...

- There you go.
- ...And now we are, uh...

Vanessa and Kristin: Oh, my God!

(Shouting indistinctly)

Vanessa: I'm so happy for you!

I told Kris firmly that I wanted
to get married, and she agreed.

And it's all thanks to you...

Dad.

I -- I just wanted the kid
to learn how to ride a bike.

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