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1
00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:06,467
Hey.
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,467 --> 00:00:08,000
Oh, uh,
there's nothing good on TV,
3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,767
so I'm going to
watch Alex do homework.
4
00:00:09,767 --> 00:00:12,800
That's a reality show
I've never seen an episode of.
5
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:18,200
Daddy, see?
Too many distractions.
6
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,667
It's really Justin's fault that
I've fallen behind in science.
7
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,500
Really? I thought
it had something to do
8
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,600
with the 14 missing assignments.
[gasping]
9
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,734
Fourteen?
I thought it was ten.
10
00:00:29,734 --> 00:00:33,400
[stammering] I told you that
four weeks ago.
11
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,600
[sighing] This is why you
aren't doing anything over
school break,
12
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,567
except take that
science class.
13
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:41,567
It's ironic that the person
who likes school the least
14
00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:43,200
has to do it the most.
15
00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:47,800
[chuckling]
Life is funny like that.
16
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,233
- Here, Justin.
This one's for you.
- Oooh.
17
00:00:53,233 --> 00:00:56,200
This is from that
essay contest I entered.
18
00:00:58,033 --> 00:01:01,500
"Winner..." Winner, winner!
I won! I won the contest!
19
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,934
I won a trip to the S.S. Tipton
Teen Cruise to Hawaii.
20
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:07,667
- [gasping]
- [both yelling] We're going
on a cruise!
21
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:13,967
Teen cruise.
Family members 18 and under.
22
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:17,900
[both yelling]
We're going on a cruise!
23
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,800
Ah! Hold on there,
little girl.
24
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,100
You're not going anywhere
but that science class.
25
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:24,734
That's what you get
for missing ten assignments.
26
00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:27,400
- It's up to 14 now.
- What?
27
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,000
Clearly, we need
to check every week.
28
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,100
Alex, you're gonna come
to the ship with us
29
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,667
and drop off your brothers.
30
00:01:34,667 --> 00:01:37,400
And maybe seeing all the fun
they're about to have
31
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,467
will make you feel
really bad about yourself.
32
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:43,867
- Is that good parenting?
- I think it is.
33
00:01:43,867 --> 00:01:45,200
All right.
34
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,567
Oh, my gosh.
Look...
35
00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:51,033
It says here I get a
photo op with London Tipton.
36
00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:53,600
[sighing]
She's beautiful and rich.
37
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,300
And famous for doing
absolutely nothing.
38
00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:00,367
- Aren't you kinda
known for doing nothing?
- [scoffing]
39
00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:01,700
You think I'm doing nothing,
40
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:04,367
but really I'm planning
something against you.
41
00:02:04,367 --> 00:02:07,000
- That's my popcorn. Come on!
- No.
42
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,734
♪ Well you know everything'sgonna be a breeze ♪
43
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,767
♪ And the end will no doubtjustify the means ♪
44
00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:14,100
♪ You can fix any problemwith the slightest of ease ♪
45
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,700
♪ Yes, please ♪
46
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,500
♪ But you might find out
It'll go to your head ♪
47
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,300
♪ When you write a reporton a book you never read ♪
48
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,300
♪ With the snap of your fingersyou can make your bed ♪
49
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,467
♪ That's what I said ♪
50
00:02:23,467 --> 00:02:26,500
♪ Everything isNot what it seems ♪
51
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:30,400
♪ When you can get all youwanted in your wildest dreams ♪
52
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,233
♪ You might run into troubleif you go to extremes ♪
53
00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:38,800
♪ Because everythingis not what it seems ♪
54
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,000
♪ Everything is notwhat it seems ♪
55
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,200
♪ When you can have what youwant by the simplest of means ♪
56
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,667
♪ Be careful not to messwith the balance of things ♪
57
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:55,600
♪ Because everything is not...What it seems ♪♪
58
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:07,000
Hey, Mr. Moseby.
59
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,367
"Teen Cruise to Hawaii?"
Awesome, huh?
60
00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:12,033
If I paint over the word "teen,"
will they go away?
61
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,800
Come on, Mr. Moseby.
It can't be that bad.
62
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,734
I signed up for the class
you're teaching.
63
00:03:18,734 --> 00:03:22,100
Oh, good. I look forward
to matching minds with you.
64
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,300
- Shouldn't be half bad.
- Oh, really?
65
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:29,567
- You plus you equals all bad.
- OK, zzzt!
66
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:32,600
[elevator dings]
67
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,900
Wow.
68
00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:42,033
We're just saying
goodbye to the boys.
69
00:03:42,033 --> 00:03:44,800
- You don't have to wear
a life vest.
- Yes, I do.
70
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,600
We're on water. And if people
were meant to be on water,
71
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,867
we'd be born with these things.
72
00:03:51,867 --> 00:03:54,500
But you have all those swimming
medals from high school.
73
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,600
Honey, why do you think
I was so fast?
74
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,900
I couldn't wait
to get out of the water.
75
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,300
Ah.
76
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,233
Thank you.
77
00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:09,100
Dude, check it out!
There's a marine paleontology
exhibit on board.
78
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,700
They must have known
I was coming.
79
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:14,300
Was I supposed
to keep an eye on Alex,
80
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:16,800
- and make sure
she didn't sneak away?
- Yes.
81
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,600
When exactly
does that job start?
82
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:24,600
- Russos? The Russo party.
- Right here. Yes.
83
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,100
Ah, the contest winners.
84
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:29,200
Welcome to the S.S. Tipton
Teen Cruise to Hawaii.
85
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,900
- [groaning] You know,
the ship's name is "Tipton,"
- Mm-hm.
86
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:37,767
which has the word "tip" in it.
Which makes me really nervous.
87
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,500
It also has the word
"ton" in it.
88
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,967
As in this ship weighs
87,000 tons.
89
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:48,100
Oh, my gosh.
How does this thing float?
90
00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:51,233
Magic.
91
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,133
I'm kidding.
92
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,100
There's no such thing
as magic!
93
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:05,700
The letter said I would get
a photo op with London Tipton.
94
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:08,600
Justin, don't be disappointed
if she won't talk to you.
95
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:14,100
Maybe there will be a cardboard
cut-out of her you can meet.
96
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:17,500
Now, let me tell you about
the wonderful amenities
we have on board:
97
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:21,500
We have an arcade and a hot tub,
a buffet, a basketball court.
98
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:24,133
Oooh! And a state-of-the-art
marine biology lab,
99
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:26,867
- where I'll be teaching class.
- There's a school on board?
100
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,400
- Yes.
- Don't tell Alex.
101
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,000
She'll wear us down until
we let her take her class here.
102
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,600
Theresa, we must be strong.
103
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,233
87,000 tons.
104
00:05:40,734 --> 00:05:43,967
Now, I'll take the teens
to their contest-winning cabin.
105
00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:46,800
Is it close to, uh,
London Tipton's room?
106
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:51,100
No, but it's close to where
we store the cardboard cut-outs
of her. [cackling]
107
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,967
Bye!
108
00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:58,233
OK. Let's find Alex
and get out of here.
109
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,800
Right. Before she figures
out there's a school on board.
110
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,233
- [elevator dings]
- Did you guys know
there's a school on board?
111
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:08,800
- And, there's a 24-hour
pizza bar.
- There's a pizza bar?
112
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,500
Don't get distracted by the
pizza. That's part of her plan.
113
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,667
But pizza's the second
most distracting food,
114
00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,867
after ice cream.
115
00:06:16,867 --> 00:06:19,000
I wonder if they
have ice cream on board.
116
00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:21,867
OK, I've lost you.
117
00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:25,734
Alex, even if we said yes,
you're not even packed.
118
00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:29,233
So if I'm packed, I'm good?
119
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:30,800
"Bags from home meet me here,
120
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,233
take them there
and bring them near."
121
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:36,800
You packed your bags?
122
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,500
How did you know
you'd be going?
123
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:41,700
I find that if you keep acting
like something you want
is gonna happen,
124
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:43,400
a lot of times it does.
125
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:47,200
Listen, if I let you do this,
you have to promise to stay
in that class.
126
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,800
And find out if there's
any ice cream in there.
127
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,800
Dad, I promise to stay in class.
What else am I going to do?
128
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,300
Well... Ah! I'm not gonna
give you any ideas.
129
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,500
[ship horn blowing]
130
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,033
Oh, my gosh.
We're sinking.
131
00:07:01,033 --> 00:07:04,000
Let's go!
[yelling] Let's go!
132
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,200
[singing] Ah-ha!
133
00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:19,567
This is the S.S. Tipton
Teen Cruise's best cabin.
134
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:24,200
- This is the ship's infirmary.
- [Moseby] Hm...
135
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,700
Oh, uh, I don't know
what "infirmary" means,
136
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,900
but I'm pretty sure this
is where they treat
the sick people.
137
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,300
True, we were over-booked,
138
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:36,367
- but it is one of our most
sanitary cabins.
- [Max] Ah.
139
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:38,734
At least it was.
140
00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:41,200
Enjoy.
141
00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:44,600
[door closing]
142
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,967
Justin, look.
Check it out.
143
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,600
It's one of those arm clocks.
144
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,200
I'm going to go
put it on people
145
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,133
and tell them what time
it is inside their bodies.
146
00:07:53,367 --> 00:07:55,767
Bon jour, brothers!
Surprised to see me?
147
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,800
[scoffing] No. Surprised that
you know two words of French.
148
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,500
Mom and Dad said as long as I
take my science class on board,
I can stay.
149
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:05,667
Mom and Dad also think I got no
shot at meeting London Tipton.
150
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:07,033
And they're probably right.
151
00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:08,834
What would London Tipton
want to do
152
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:12,100
with someone who could only
get on this ship by entering
an essay contest?
153
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:15,033
The photo op will probably be,
"Hello, I wrote an essay."
154
00:08:15,033 --> 00:08:17,500
[high-pitched] "Oh.
Hello, I'm beautiful and rich."
155
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:21,600
Click! "Wait, my eyes were
closed! Can we... you, busy."
156
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,400
If you want to talk to London
Tipton, just do what I do.
157
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,500
Keep acting like something
you want's gonna happen.
158
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:34,700
And a lot of times it just does.
I'm on the cruise, right?
159
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,800
Yeah, you may
be on to something.
160
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,867
Well, get out of here.
I'm about to do something
161
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,100
you don't
wanna know about.
162
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,834
- Does it involve me?
- No.
163
00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:44,567
All right.
164
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:00,400
Hey, I was thinking
while I was in there,
165
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,400
these tights could be a hat.
166
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,767
Why not? See how much fun
this cruise is?
167
00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:09,467
Speaking of fun, I signed you up
for a really cool marine biology
course.
168
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:12,233
Marine biology?
That doesn't sound like fun.
169
00:09:12,233 --> 00:09:16,233
What? You love marine biology.
Remember that whale-watching
trip?
170
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:21,600
- The one when I got seasick?
- That wasn't seasick.
That was excited-sick.
171
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,767
I do throw up
when I get excited.
172
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:29,600
Well, get ready to vomit,
because you're going to
marine biology class.
173
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,200
- Thanks, Alex.
- Oh, one more thing though.
174
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,400
You're going to be
Alex Russo when you go.
175
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,367
Well, who are you
gonna be?
176
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:40,400
I'm gonna be the girl
having as much fun as she can,
as fast as she can
177
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,667
until she gets caught.
178
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,500
Someone get this thing off me!
179
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,767
It keeps getting tighter!
180
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,967
[air hissing]
181
00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:56,567
[sighing] Ah, thanks.
182
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:59,500
So, I hear you're randomly
taking people's blood pressure.
183
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:04,200
I'm Zack. I'm kind of the one
on the ship who does weird
and hilarious stuff.
184
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:08,133
Well, good for you. I'm the one
who does incredibly cool,
serious stuff
185
00:10:08,133 --> 00:10:11,800
that people laugh at
for no reason.
186
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,233
[chuckling] That sounds
like a challenge.
187
00:10:15,233 --> 00:10:16,934
Well, that's where
you're wrong.
188
00:10:16,934 --> 00:10:19,667
It sounds to me like the whole
time you've been talking,
189
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:23,467
I've been trying to figure out
what you meant by
"blood pressure."
190
00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:28,600
Oh, it's on. You and me.
Tonight. Easy Squeezy.
191
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,934
We're drinking super-sized
"everything slushies."
192
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:34,100
They give you a slush rush.
See if you can handle it.
193
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,367
You're on.
194
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,900
[silent mouthing]
195
00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:00,467
Oh! Excuse me, do you
work in this jewelry store?
196
00:11:00,467 --> 00:11:02,667
Can I see that
in a princess setting?
197
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,734
- Jewelry store?
- Hm-hm.
198
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,133
Uh... I don't work here.
199
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:12,000
Uh, I was just wondering, uh...
200
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,500
- Where would you like to go
on our second date?
- [chuckling]
201
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,233
Well, second dates for me
are taking my private jet
202
00:11:18,233 --> 00:11:20,200
to one of my four castles
for fried chicken,
203
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,600
or taking one of my helicopters
to one of my yachts for
fried chicken.
204
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,967
- I love fried chicken.
- [both giggling]
205
00:11:25,967 --> 00:11:30,934
Wait a minute. We didn't go out
on a first date. Who are you?
206
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:33,600
Uh, no, I, uh...
207
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:38,567
- I'm... the paleontologist
in charge of this exhibit.
- [gasps]
208
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:43,100
- Yep. Dr. uh... Fossil.
- [gasps]
209
00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:47,600
- I'm a doctor.
- Oooh, I like doctors.
210
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,867
So, Dr. Fossil, if we were
going on a second date,
211
00:11:50,867 --> 00:11:53,900
and I'm not saying we are,
because I think the number
"second"
212
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,367
comes after the number "first,"
213
00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:58,100
but then, I was never really
good with lower case numbers,
214
00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,367
where would you take me?
215
00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:02,900
I'd take you to the best
restaurant on this ship.
216
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,800
[gasps]
The Balcony of the Neptune Room?
217
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:10,867
- That.
- Tonight. Eight. I'll meet you
there, Dr. Fossil.
218
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,200
The doctor is in.
219
00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:27,233
- Hi. I'm Alex Russo.
- I'm Cody Martin.
220
00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:29,667
I see you like to get to class
before the teacher, too.
221
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:33,734
I do. And I'm OK with
sitting up front, now that
my self-confidence is up.
222
00:12:33,734 --> 00:12:37,900
People used to make fun of me
behind my back, but now I'm OK
with it.
223
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:42,133
They also find it threatening
if you turn around and say,
"I heard that."
224
00:12:42,133 --> 00:12:45,300
Nice to meet you, Alex Russo.
I'm going to remember you.
225
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:46,767
Ah, you don't have to.
226
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:55,867
Ah! I need one more for
the tug of war. Hm? Anyone?
227
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:58,900
Chance to humiliate
some boys?
228
00:12:58,900 --> 00:12:59,967
Sure, why not!
229
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:04,700
And the winner gets two tickets
to the Hannah Montana concert.
230
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,233
[gasping] Oh my gosh,
I love Hannah Montana.
231
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:10,500
Well, good for you,
girl I don't know.
232
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,834
I'm Bailey.
What's your name?
233
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:17,400
I'm... girl you don't know.
234
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,100
And, go!
235
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:25,233
- We're slipping.
We're slipping!
- Spit on the floor!
236
00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:27,700
- [hocking, spitting noises]
- Rub your shoes in it.
237
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,834
Oh, it's working!
Oh, I get it.
238
00:13:31,834 --> 00:13:34,834
- It gets the dust off your
shoes to give traction...
- Less talk, more pull!
239
00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:35,900
Sorry!
240
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:46,000
- Ha!
- [both] Powned!
241
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,800
- What! Eat it.
- Yeah!
242
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:53,300
- And the winner is
Bailey and...
- Girl you don't know.
243
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,800
[squeaking] We won!
We're going to Hannah Montana!
244
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,834
[chuckling] Massive splash,
and I got nothing.
245
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,867
Now, I will need your name so I
can put it on the winners board
246
00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:09,033
- with your picture for everyone
to see.
- No, no, no. No names.
247
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:12,834
No board. We didn't win.
We cheated by spitting
on the floor.
248
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:17,600
- She told me to, Mr. Moseby.
- After all we've been through?
249
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,300
- Can I still go to
Hannah Montana?
- Oh!
250
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,300
Not unless you win
the scavenger hunt.
251
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,700
I'm gonna go look for an
egg-beater. There's always
an egg-beater.
252
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,900
I will need your name
for the cheaters roster.
253
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:33,500
- My name...
- Hm-hm.
254
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,500
...is...
255
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:40,000
Ashley... Olsen.
256
00:14:41,934 --> 00:14:46,600
Ashley Olsen, you are the most
honest cheater I've ever met.
257
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,000
[camera clicking]
258
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,400
Ashley Olsen. I can probably
remember that. Ashley... Oh, no.
259
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,967
Ah, well.
260
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,400
And so I had to go ahead
and operate on him,
261
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:09,367
even though I only had a Swiss
army knife and a bowling ball.
262
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,834
[gasping] Oh, my gosh.
263
00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:13,033
That is so amazing.
264
00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:16,133
You did all that and
you're a teenage doctor?
265
00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:20,967
- Nope. I did all that because
I'm a teenage doctor.
- [gasps]
266
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:25,967
You know, there are a lot of
people who make up all kinds
of stories
267
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:29,800
- just to get close to me.
- Really?
268
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,300
Yeah, people lie to me
all the time.
269
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:38,133
- But, you would never lie
to me, would you, Dr. Fossil?
- Oh, uh, no.
270
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:44,367
- London, there's something
I have to tell you.
- Me, too.
271
00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:48,500
Look, I'm just so glad I finally
met someone who can be real
around me.
272
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:52,000
- Now, what were you going
to say?
- Nothing.
273
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,567
Just that I was gonna remind you
that I'm a teenage doctor and I
really like you.
274
00:15:55,567 --> 00:16:00,100
- [both chuckling]
- Well, I really like you, too.
275
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,934
- [phone ringing]
- Oooh. Text!
276
00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:06,100
- Oh, what a pain. I have to go.
- What?
277
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,867
I really wanna finish
this date, but I can't.
278
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,200
I have to go to the main deck
to greet some poor family
279
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,667
who had to win a contest to get
on the boat, the Russos.
280
00:16:15,734 --> 00:16:17,667
Oh, that's how you know
you're full.
281
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:25,367
Max! Dude, I'm in trouble.
282
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,500
London Tipton thinks
I'm the rich Dr. Fossil,
283
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,200
and she's on her way here
to take a picture with
the poor Russos.
284
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,834
Oh, no. We're poor?
285
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:35,100
Well then, I guess
I can't afford these.
286
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,600
[water splashing]
287
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,800
You're gonna be no help.
288
00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:47,500
Where am I gonna
get a disguise?
289
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,200
- Harper!
- Hi, Justin!
290
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,500
You're good with costumes,
right? I need you to...
291
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,600
Well, I'm not sure I have
that material. Harper?!
292
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:57,600
What are you doing here?
293
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,233
I'm part of Alex's scheme.
294
00:17:00,233 --> 00:17:04,667
- I need you to be Alex Russo.
- That's also part of
Alex's scheme.
295
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:07,033
- Great.
- [gasping]
There's London Tipton!
296
00:17:07,033 --> 00:17:10,800
You guys must be the Russos.
Max, Justin and Alex.
297
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,700
- London, I know what
you're thinking...
- Yeah.
298
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,033
I'm thinking I need to
get this photo op over with,
299
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:18,567
so I can get back
to Dr. Fossil.
300
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:22,734
Oh, my gosh. You look
just like him! [giggles]
301
00:17:22,734 --> 00:17:24,600
- And...
- [camera clicking]
302
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,734
...you just met London Tipton.
Have a nice cruise.
303
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:32,400
That girl is really dumb.
304
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,600
And that's coming from me.
305
00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:42,233
- [slurping noises]
- Time! I finished first.
306
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:45,300
No, I finished first.
This is exactly why I said
307
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,000
we shouldn't drink
from the same cup.
308
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,767
You can't tell
who finished first.
309
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,033
Yeah. Maybe you're right.
310
00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:54,000
I have an idea how
we can settle this.
311
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,233
- Settle what?
- Don't try to confuse me.
312
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,900
Look, I'm gonna beat you at
luggage cart races tomorrow.
313
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:03,734
[chuckling] Oh, you're on.
314
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,200
Exactly.
315
00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:11,600
Hey, are we even doing
this right, Ashley?
316
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,300
- Ashley...
- Olsen?
317
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,600
That's it.
318
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,934
Well, if the object
of the game
319
00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:20,500
is to see how many of these
things we can knock overboard,
320
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,300
- I think we're winning.
- [water splashing]
321
00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:31,867
To see the cells
of this lobster,
322
00:18:31,867 --> 00:18:34,567
you'll stain them with tiny
amounts of methylene blue.
323
00:18:34,567 --> 00:18:40,000
- Stains are also how you
can tell me from my brother.
- [chuckling] Nice one!
324
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,567
- Thanks.
- [giggling]
325
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:44,500
Anyway. After that,
you'll prepare the lobster
326
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:48,200
- with a little bit of butter
and tarragon.
- [both giggling]
327
00:18:52,767 --> 00:18:55,000
How long does it take
to get from the Atlantic Ocean
328
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,600
to the middle
of the Pacific Ocean?
329
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,367
- That's an excellent question,
Alex Russo.
- Well, that's me!
330
00:19:04,033 --> 00:19:06,700
It takes a month of constant
sailing at top speed
331
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,233
if you go
through the Panama Canal.
332
00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:10,300
Or you could take the path
Magellan did in 1522
333
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,667
and go around
Cape Horn, but...
334
00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:16,000
- But he died before he got
all the way home.
- Knowledge is cool.
335
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,500
- So are dead explorers.
- You're an amazing student,
Alex Russo.
336
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,734
Well, that's
Alex Russo for you.
337
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,934
That's me. Alex Russo.
338
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,700
- Isn't making pizza great,
Ashley?
- Yes.
339
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:33,400
I love making my own food.
That's what Ashley...
340
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,800
...Olsen does. Yes!
I gotta write that down.
341
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,100
Alex, I need your help.
342
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,400
[snorting] OK, well,
that's gonna be hard.
343
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,900
There's no one named Alex here.
Just Bailey and Ashley Olsen.
344
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,300
She taught me to spit.
345
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,900
Well, I already
knew how to spit,
346
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,200
but she made me OK
with doing it in public.
347
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:52,800
Got it.
Part of the scheme.
348
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,300
Ashley, I've got a problem.
Over here.
349
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,734
OK, Alex,
I got exactly what I wanted...
350
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,834
- ...a date with London Tipton.
- Great!
351
00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:06,900
- Not great. I lied to get her.
- Still great.
352
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:10,600
No... I got exactly what
I wanted and now it's terrible,
353
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,500
- because she's not so smart.
- What do you mean?
354
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:19,233
- Max thinks she's dumb.
- Whoa. You gotta dump her.
355
00:20:19,233 --> 00:20:22,033
- I know.
- How are you gonna do it?
356
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,934
- I'm just gonna tell her.
- Can I watch?
357
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,400
- I'm not gonna cry.
- Ah.
358
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,667
- Where's the finish line?
- The hot tub!
359
00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:39,734
- Watch out!
- [grunting]
360
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:45,233
Oh my gosh. Bailey?
361
00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:46,700
[London] She's choking!
362
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,000
Dr. Fossil, help her.
363
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,400
- You're a doctor.
- I don't know how to save her.
364
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,734
What kind of a doctor doesn't
know how to save a person?
365
00:20:52,734 --> 00:20:54,767
- Look, I was going to
tell you...
- Tell me what?
366
00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:56,867
That you're not
a very smart doctor?
367
00:20:57,667 --> 00:20:58,934
[choking, coughing]
368
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,800
- Bailey!
- [coughing]
369
00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:06,133
- [grunting]
- [food splashes in water]
370
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:11,400
- Bailey, are you all right?
- Yes, thank you.
371
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,600
You just saved her life.
What's your name again?
372
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,734
Ashley Simpson.
373
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,600
You said Olsen.
374
00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:24,367
Yes, Ashley Simpson Olsen.
375
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,967
No, it's not.
It's Alex.
376
00:21:26,967 --> 00:21:30,033
- Alex?
- Yeah, my sister, Alex Russo.
377
00:21:30,033 --> 00:21:32,400
- She's not Alex Russo.
- Harper!
378
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,500
- Ha! That's Alex Russo.
- Harper!
379
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,300
Harper! I got an "A"
on the first quiz.
380
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:39,400
Wait a minute.
She just called you Harper.
381
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,300
She called you Ashley.
And you called her Alex?
382
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,367
OK, what is your name?!
383
00:21:44,367 --> 00:21:47,133
[Max] I'm gonna
clear this up right now.
384
00:21:47,133 --> 00:21:51,767
Her name is Alex Russo.
She's my sister. We... ah!
385
00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:56,467
London, I need to explain
something to you.
386
00:21:56,467 --> 00:21:59,567
OK. That girl, whatever
her real name is, saved Bailey.
387
00:21:59,567 --> 00:22:02,834
And you, Dr. Fossil, did not.
That is all I need to know.
388
00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:04,900
- You're a dumb doctor.
- [gasps]
389
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:06,500
And I can't date
someone who's dumb.
390
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,500
No matter how handsome
and smart you are.
391
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,834
You're breaking up with me?
For being dumb?
392
00:22:11,834 --> 00:22:13,734
- Me?
- That's right.
393
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:16,800
All right.
394
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,200
- I am dumb.
- [London] Hm-hm.
395
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,100
Because I thought
that was gonna be hard,
396
00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:24,600
- and you made it real easy.
- [scoffing] Yeah.
397
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,233
You're so dumb, I don't even
know what you're talking about.
398
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,000
- [clearing throat]
I've just gotta know something.
- Hm?
399
00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:41,600
Would you ever go out
with someone
400
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,000
that worked in a sandwich shop
and wrote stories and essays?
401
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,200
Including one that was good
enough to win him this cruise?
402
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,133
That sounds like Justin Russo.
[scoffing]
403
00:22:51,133 --> 00:22:53,200
I should've gone out
with him instead of you.
404
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,100
[gasps]
I wonder where he is?
405
00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,900
Well, at least I had fun
in the sun
406
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,367
before I got stuck
in that class.
407
00:23:03,367 --> 00:23:06,467
At least I got to go on a cruise
I had no business being on.
408
00:23:06,467 --> 00:23:07,800
I'll see you when I get back.
409
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:14,934
From east to west,
this spell's no jest.
410
00:23:14,934 --> 00:23:17,100
Wherever we roam,
send Harper back home.
411
00:23:18,834 --> 00:23:22,100
Oh! Wait, did I say
roam or home first?
412
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,200
Eh, she'll like Rome.
31971
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