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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,517 --> 00:00:03,106 [Regimental music] 2 00:00:21,834 --> 00:00:24,768 [Gordon] Right, number two again. 3 00:00:25,594 --> 00:00:27,872 Yeah, number one. 4 00:00:30,457 --> 00:00:31,803 Right, number three again. 5 00:00:34,838 --> 00:00:36,978 We said this one wouldn't work, Mr. Brittas. 6 00:00:37,081 --> 00:00:40,015 Right back row number one, front row number two. 7 00:00:41,978 --> 00:00:43,359 [Audience laughing] 8 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,015 That's the one! 9 00:00:45,117 --> 00:00:46,346 You know what that pose says to me? 10 00:00:46,428 --> 00:00:48,844 We've been standing here for 1 hour 45 minutes? 11 00:00:48,946 --> 00:00:53,089 No, it says we're a team, but we're also individuals. 12 00:00:53,189 --> 00:00:56,641 We're cheerful, but we're also serious about our commitment 13 00:00:56,741 --> 00:00:59,606 to you, the customer, who's entrusted to us 14 00:00:59,708 --> 00:01:01,917 your safety and physical wellbeing, 15 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,297 during the time you're here 16 00:01:03,399 --> 00:01:05,194 at whitbury new town leisure centre. 17 00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:06,386 Right, I think we're ready to go. 18 00:01:06,469 --> 00:01:07,850 [Audience laughing] 19 00:01:07,952 --> 00:01:08,952 Da da da! 20 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,300 Oh, now you will make sure you get the sports field in 21 00:01:12,401 --> 00:01:13,975 over there, we just had it specially mowed? 22 00:01:14,057 --> 00:01:16,542 I've set it for a full 180 degrees, Mr. Brittas. 23 00:01:16,645 --> 00:01:17,749 Right. [Clears throat] 24 00:01:17,852 --> 00:01:19,426 -Smile pleasantly, Carole. -[Audience laughing] 25 00:01:19,508 --> 00:01:20,578 I'll go through it again. 26 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,958 The camera will start to my left, that's your right, 27 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,752 it will then pan across, taking approximately 20 seconds 28 00:01:25,854 --> 00:01:26,958 to reach the other side. 29 00:01:27,061 --> 00:01:29,822 So please keep as still as possible. 30 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,443 [Julie gasps] 31 00:01:31,545 --> 00:01:32,443 Julie, keep still! 32 00:01:32,546 --> 00:01:33,547 The baby's kicking! 33 00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:35,652 I'm keeping still for two here. 34 00:01:35,753 --> 00:01:36,651 [Audience laughing] 35 00:01:36,754 --> 00:01:38,087 -[Colin sniffs] -You all right, Colin? 36 00:01:38,169 --> 00:01:38,962 They've cut the grass, Linda, 37 00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,171 it's playing havoc with my rhinitis. 38 00:01:41,273 --> 00:01:42,226 Ready? 39 00:01:42,308 --> 00:01:43,778 Either that or I haven't quite recovered 40 00:01:43,860 --> 00:01:46,000 from the bronchial catarrh last week. 41 00:01:46,102 --> 00:01:47,103 We're rolling. 42 00:01:47,206 --> 00:01:50,071 [Cameral whirring] 43 00:01:51,207 --> 00:01:52,346 [Phone ringing] 44 00:01:52,449 --> 00:01:53,484 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! 45 00:01:53,587 --> 00:01:55,968 Sorry, mobile, means urgent. 46 00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:00,831 Brittas. 47 00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:02,832 Hello, my darling. 48 00:02:02,935 --> 00:02:05,110 We're sitting for the photo right now. 49 00:02:05,211 --> 00:02:07,662 Yes, I'll get plenty of copies. 50 00:02:07,763 --> 00:02:10,145 Well, one to go above reception, of course, 51 00:02:10,248 --> 00:02:11,870 one for each of the kids' scrapbooks, 52 00:02:11,971 --> 00:02:14,698 and I thought one to go above the mantelpiece 53 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,906 instead of that picture by that Norwegian. 54 00:02:17,973 --> 00:02:20,169 Well, I can't understand why it is your favourite, Helen, 55 00:02:20,251 --> 00:02:21,410 it's just a picture of a lady 56 00:02:21,492 --> 00:02:22,873 holding her head and screaming. 57 00:02:22,975 --> 00:02:23,804 [Audience laughing] 58 00:02:23,906 --> 00:02:24,976 Ready! 59 00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:26,874 Right, better go now, my love. 60 00:02:26,976 --> 00:02:28,930 Yes, I'd love to know what you got planned for today, 61 00:02:29,012 --> 00:02:30,310 but call you back in five minutes. 62 00:02:30,392 --> 00:02:32,773 Promise, bye! 63 00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:34,290 Sorry about that! 64 00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:35,911 [Audience laughing] 65 00:02:36,014 --> 00:02:37,395 We're rolling. 66 00:02:38,428 --> 00:02:41,259 [Camera whirring] 67 00:02:45,810 --> 00:02:46,535 [Colin coughs] 68 00:02:46,638 --> 00:02:49,296 [Audience laughing] 69 00:02:49,398 --> 00:02:52,056 It is the catarrh, I thought as much. 70 00:02:52,157 --> 00:02:53,262 Oh god! 71 00:02:53,364 --> 00:02:54,089 You should have been wearing green like the rest of us. 72 00:02:54,192 --> 00:02:55,538 It's an yves st Laurent! 73 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,159 Please, boys! 74 00:02:57,262 --> 00:02:58,435 Yves st Laurent? 75 00:02:58,538 --> 00:03:00,284 Deputy managers get an extra clothing allowance, you know. 76 00:03:00,366 --> 00:03:02,009 Yes, all right, there's no need to ram it down my throat! 77 00:03:02,091 --> 00:03:03,699 Look, it's no picnic being deputy manager, you know, 78 00:03:03,781 --> 00:03:05,459 I have to shoulder a lot of extra responsibility. 79 00:03:05,541 --> 00:03:07,060 The buck stops here. 80 00:03:07,161 --> 00:03:07,886 Boys! 81 00:03:07,989 --> 00:03:09,163 [Audience laughing] 82 00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:09,680 Mr. Brittas, I'm gonna have to go and change the shirt. 83 00:03:09,783 --> 00:03:10,783 Hurry up, Gavin! 84 00:03:12,577 --> 00:03:14,959 And where do you think you're going, penny? 85 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,235 I'm going to turn a woman over on a sunbed. 86 00:03:17,337 --> 00:03:18,062 [Mr. Brittas mimics penny] 87 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,152 -Mr. Brittas? -What? 88 00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:19,821 I ought to go and check everything's all right 89 00:03:19,924 --> 00:03:21,926 with the pirate party. 90 00:03:22,028 --> 00:03:23,064 Curly wurlies! 91 00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:23,994 What? 92 00:03:24,098 --> 00:03:25,085 I've forgotten to put the curly wurlies 93 00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,375 in the picnic bags! 94 00:03:26,478 --> 00:03:27,272 Toilet! 95 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,273 Check Ben, Mr. Brittas. 96 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,344 Just get back as quickly as you can, please. 97 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,827 Haven't you got somewhere to go, Timothy? 98 00:03:36,929 --> 00:03:39,794 Mr. Brittas, if I get the franchise for the canteen, 99 00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,725 this will be my farewell photo. 100 00:03:41,828 --> 00:03:43,105 I don't wanna miss that. 101 00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:45,865 In fact, I'm quite happy to wait here all day. 102 00:03:45,967 --> 00:03:48,245 That won't be necessary, Tim. 103 00:03:48,347 --> 00:03:51,350 [Audience laughing] 104 00:03:53,176 --> 00:03:55,868 [All clamouring] 105 00:03:59,419 --> 00:04:01,076 Will you be quiet? 106 00:04:02,248 --> 00:04:02,973 [Audience laughing] 107 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,767 The buck stops there. 108 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,250 [All clamouring] 109 00:04:06,353 --> 00:04:08,734 When can we go back in the [stutters]. 110 00:04:08,836 --> 00:04:10,458 Pool, I think she's saying pool. 111 00:04:10,561 --> 00:04:12,563 We weren't even allowed to get our [stutters]. 112 00:04:12,664 --> 00:04:13,562 Towels? 113 00:04:13,665 --> 00:04:14,721 We hadn't even finished warming up yet! 114 00:04:14,803 --> 00:04:17,082 Yes, and we've had one round of soggy sandwiches, 115 00:04:17,183 --> 00:04:19,323 three balloons, the treasure island's got a puncture, 116 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,738 and now I've got 27 kids dripping wet 117 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,000 and going berserk in the corridor! 118 00:04:23,082 --> 00:04:25,242 Well, I'm sorry, but until the center's properly staffed, 119 00:04:25,324 --> 00:04:26,049 I can't--no, hang on! 120 00:04:26,152 --> 00:04:28,844 I tell a lie, 24, 121 00:04:28,945 --> 00:04:30,292 'cause when he turned up, 122 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:32,947 three jumped out of the pool 123 00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:34,948 and locked themselves in the minibus. 124 00:04:35,878 --> 00:04:37,880 Mind you, to be fair, two did ask for his autograph 125 00:04:37,983 --> 00:04:38,708 'cause they thought they'd seen him 126 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:39,901 in "nightmare on elm street". 127 00:04:39,984 --> 00:04:41,675 I want my [stutters]. 128 00:04:41,777 --> 00:04:42,502 Your mummy? 129 00:04:42,605 --> 00:04:43,592 No, my [stutters]. 130 00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:44,903 No, no, no, sorry, she wants her money back! 131 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:45,937 -So do I! -[All clamouring] 132 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:49,057 I can't possible authorise a refund- 133 00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,713 you're supposed to be the deputy manager, aren't you? 134 00:04:51,814 --> 00:04:53,333 I'm not really deputy, 135 00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:54,782 more sort of, trainee. 136 00:04:54,884 --> 00:04:57,301 -[All groaning] -Or, on trial! 137 00:04:57,403 --> 00:04:59,302 See Mr. Brittas, he'll sort everything out. 138 00:04:59,403 --> 00:05:00,922 -No! -Yes! 139 00:05:01,024 --> 00:05:02,025 [All clamouring] 140 00:05:02,128 --> 00:05:03,992 Where's brittas? Get him here and we'll- 141 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,097 mini Mars bar, mini bounty, 142 00:05:06,198 --> 00:05:08,718 slammer whammer, curly wurly. 143 00:05:08,820 --> 00:05:09,773 Mini Mars bar- 144 00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:11,360 think what it'll do to their teeth, Colin. 145 00:05:11,442 --> 00:05:12,270 You'll have the parents up in arms. 146 00:05:12,373 --> 00:05:14,064 It's all kids eat, Linda. 147 00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,306 That and jellies. 148 00:05:15,408 --> 00:05:16,927 They've hardly touched them. 149 00:05:18,823 --> 00:05:21,067 Colin, this tastes rather odd. 150 00:05:21,169 --> 00:05:22,860 Dessert topping, Linda. 151 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,102 It's carpet foam! 152 00:05:25,204 --> 00:05:28,380 No, no, it can't possibly be carpet foam, 153 00:05:28,481 --> 00:05:31,829 because I always put the carpet foam in the top shelf 154 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:35,521 of my locker after I've finished cleaning for the evening. 155 00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:39,624 I thought those carpets smelt funny. 156 00:05:39,726 --> 00:05:41,900 [Audience laughing] 157 00:05:42,003 --> 00:05:43,315 Are we now ready? 158 00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:44,417 [Staff] Yes. 159 00:05:46,177 --> 00:05:47,177 We're rolling. 160 00:05:47,936 --> 00:05:50,145 [Camera whirring] 161 00:05:50,247 --> 00:05:50,937 [Audience laughing] 162 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,145 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 163 00:05:53,869 --> 00:05:56,147 What now? 164 00:05:56,249 --> 00:05:58,251 I can't just keep up this smiling, you know. 165 00:05:58,353 --> 00:05:59,734 Look, we've lost the sun. 166 00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:01,838 It's gone behind a cloud, Mr. Brittas. 167 00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,528 We tend to get them in this country. 168 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,530 [Audience laughing] 169 00:06:06,631 --> 00:06:08,564 Does it really matter that much, Mr. Brittas? 170 00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:11,151 Gavin, once he presses that button, 171 00:06:11,254 --> 00:06:13,601 we are captured for prosperity. 172 00:06:13,702 --> 00:06:14,979 When, in years from now, 173 00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:17,188 people are trawling through the archives 174 00:06:17,290 --> 00:06:18,671 and they wipe the dust off 175 00:06:18,772 --> 00:06:22,431 whitbury new town leisure centre, team 1996, 176 00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:23,741 what is it to be? 177 00:06:23,843 --> 00:06:26,984 A merely acceptable image taken in the dullish light? 178 00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,640 Or the 10 of us bathed in glorious sunshine, 179 00:06:29,742 --> 00:06:32,089 with the centre glinting in the background? 180 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:34,538 I think we all know the answer. 181 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,365 [Audience laughing] 182 00:06:35,468 --> 00:06:36,952 It's clouding over, Mr. Brittas. 183 00:06:37,054 --> 00:06:38,007 [Gordon groans] 184 00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:40,574 Look, let's just adjourn to the centre, 185 00:06:40,676 --> 00:06:42,609 and I'll keep a check on the weather reports. 186 00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:47,646 I'm booked to go to tenerife a week on Tuesday. 187 00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:49,198 [Audience laughing] 188 00:06:49,299 --> 00:06:50,852 [All complaining] 189 00:06:50,955 --> 00:06:51,852 [Gordon] Right, excuse me please- 190 00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:53,923 -oh, here he is! -Excuse me, please, 191 00:06:54,025 --> 00:06:57,511 excuse me, right, attention please! 192 00:06:57,613 --> 00:07:00,271 All areas previously off limits 193 00:07:00,372 --> 00:07:02,512 are now once more accessible. 194 00:07:02,614 --> 00:07:04,788 [Customers cheer] 195 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,514 Except, that is, for the gym and the swimming pool. 196 00:07:07,616 --> 00:07:08,568 [Customers groan] 197 00:07:08,650 --> 00:07:11,757 Right, so swimmers may paddle in the foot wash. 198 00:07:11,858 --> 00:07:13,205 [Audience laughing] 199 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:16,034 Aerobics may take place by the salad bar, 200 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:19,794 and the pirate party can take place in squash court three. 201 00:07:19,895 --> 00:07:20,847 [All complaining] 202 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:22,173 Ah, ah, ah, ah! 203 00:07:23,345 --> 00:07:25,209 Wet feet, wet feet, wet feet! 204 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:26,747 Carole, flip flops all around, please. 205 00:07:26,829 --> 00:07:27,899 Yes, Mr. Brittas. 206 00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:29,037 That's two pound 50, 207 00:07:29,140 --> 00:07:30,934 and five pound deposit per pair, thank you. 208 00:07:31,037 --> 00:07:32,107 [Audience laughing] 209 00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,438 Why didn't we just close the centre for the morning? 210 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,798 Why is watford gap nowhere near watford? 211 00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,489 Why do we get fluff in our belly buttons? 212 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:39,696 Mr. Brittas? 213 00:07:39,798 --> 00:07:40,820 You know you've got that man from the English heritage 214 00:07:40,902 --> 00:07:41,854 waiting upstairs. 215 00:07:41,936 --> 00:07:42,765 Yes. 216 00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:43,593 And they're still waiting to demolish 217 00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:44,559 the old air raid shelter. 218 00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:45,697 -Yes. -Mr. Brittas, 219 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,202 I wonder, do you think it might be an idea 220 00:07:47,284 --> 00:07:49,838 to postpone the photograph until tomorrow morning? 221 00:07:49,939 --> 00:07:52,632 Gavin, have you been to safeways recently? 222 00:07:53,595 --> 00:07:56,771 There is a giant display of pineapple chunk cans there. 223 00:07:56,872 --> 00:07:59,530 Take one can from the middle of the pile, and what happens? 224 00:07:59,632 --> 00:08:01,392 You get beaten up by the store detectives. 225 00:08:01,495 --> 00:08:02,482 [Audience laughing] 226 00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:05,256 The whole display collapses, Timothy. 227 00:08:05,358 --> 00:08:06,345 I see. 228 00:08:06,427 --> 00:08:08,187 See this diary? 229 00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:10,740 If we postpone the photograph 'til tomorrow, 230 00:08:10,842 --> 00:08:12,933 what happens is we have to move the air conditioning service 231 00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:15,017 to the afternoon, which means you have to postpone 232 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,570 the argos whitbury branch squash semifinal draw 233 00:08:17,672 --> 00:08:18,659 to the following day 234 00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:20,709 which has serious knock on implications 235 00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:22,087 for the locker security review, 236 00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:23,971 the southern counties leisure centres association 237 00:08:24,053 --> 00:08:25,641 logo shortlist discussion, 238 00:08:25,743 --> 00:08:28,125 and dawn Dipper's enrollment session too. 239 00:08:28,227 --> 00:08:29,524 But the afternoon's completely free, 240 00:08:29,606 --> 00:08:30,711 what about then? 241 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,713 Whoo, no it's not, Timothy. 242 00:08:33,849 --> 00:08:36,645 It's a free afternoon session. 243 00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:38,403 [Audience laughing] 244 00:08:38,506 --> 00:08:41,233 We have to keep one afternoon free a month 245 00:08:41,334 --> 00:08:42,508 to get our breath back. 246 00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,094 [Gordon pants] 247 00:08:44,197 --> 00:08:45,888 If you'll excuse me. 248 00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:49,924 [Bell dings] 249 00:08:50,026 --> 00:08:51,566 Oh, welcome to whitbury new town leisure centre, 250 00:08:51,648 --> 00:08:53,650 how--may I help you? Yes. 251 00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:56,169 Well, you can start by looking after that and this, 252 00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,824 it's got my spare films in. 253 00:08:58,926 --> 00:09:00,030 That'll two pounds. 254 00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,120 What? 255 00:09:01,203 --> 00:09:03,067 Storage fee, don't worry, you'll get it back. 256 00:09:03,169 --> 00:09:03,893 What, the two pounds? 257 00:09:03,997 --> 00:09:05,309 No, the bag. 258 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:07,275 [Audience laughing] 259 00:09:07,377 --> 00:09:08,101 Oh, Mr. Mendip! 260 00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,158 -No! -Please! 261 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,793 -No! -Ben loves parties! 262 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,312 I remember last year, Mrs. Parkinson. 263 00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:15,898 He had such a good time. 264 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,829 He got hold of the flymo. 265 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,072 He was just a little high-spirited! 266 00:09:20,175 --> 00:09:22,556 I used to do punch and Judy shows, you know. 267 00:09:22,658 --> 00:09:25,316 [Audience laughing] 268 00:09:25,417 --> 00:09:26,832 Blimmin' kids! 269 00:09:26,935 --> 00:09:27,832 Hey, wait! 270 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,626 -What? -You can't do it yet. 271 00:09:29,729 --> 00:09:32,180 Look, this demolition was booked for 10:30. 272 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,697 We've been wired up ready for the last hour. 273 00:09:34,799 --> 00:09:37,146 I can't leave it like this, I gotta make it safe. 274 00:09:37,249 --> 00:09:40,252 Ah, well Mr. Brittas wants his photo with all the staff. 275 00:09:40,353 --> 00:09:41,630 But I saw you all go back in. 276 00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:42,927 Yeah, but we'll all be coming out again 277 00:09:43,009 --> 00:09:44,321 as soon as the sun comes out. 278 00:09:44,423 --> 00:09:46,736 Mr. Brittas wants the light to be just right. 279 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,908 It's only a photo, not "Lawrence of Arabia". 280 00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:50,012 [Audience laughing] 281 00:09:50,114 --> 00:09:51,516 Hey, it's not going to be a right big bang, is it? 282 00:09:51,598 --> 00:09:52,875 I don't wanna give birth. 283 00:09:52,977 --> 00:09:56,291 No, it's muffled, it's just four concrete walls. 284 00:09:56,393 --> 00:09:57,428 They'll implode. 285 00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:58,946 As long as there is nothing inside, 286 00:09:59,048 --> 00:10:01,016 there won't be any debris either. 287 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:03,603 Wonder how many seven year olds you could fit in there. 288 00:10:03,705 --> 00:10:06,570 [Workman laughs] 289 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:09,226 Sorry about that Mr. Humphries. 290 00:10:09,328 --> 00:10:11,502 ["Fur Elise"] 291 00:10:11,604 --> 00:10:13,502 I said sorry about that, Mr. Humphries! 292 00:10:13,605 --> 00:10:14,951 [Audience laughing] 293 00:10:15,053 --> 00:10:17,780 You now have my undivided attention, sir. 294 00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:20,816 Yes, well, if you're sure. 295 00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:22,298 [Buzzer rings] 296 00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:23,298 Yes, Julie? 297 00:10:23,401 --> 00:10:25,299 I've got you the met office. 298 00:10:25,402 --> 00:10:26,575 Thank you, Julie. 299 00:10:26,678 --> 00:10:28,127 With you in a micro sec. 300 00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:33,440 Hello, Gordon brittas, whitbury new town leisure centre. 301 00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,613 Oh, you've heard of us, have you? 302 00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:38,649 Yes, well you see, we've reached a bit of a cloudy spell 303 00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:40,821 at the moment, I was wondering if you could confirm 304 00:10:40,923 --> 00:10:42,925 when we can next expect a gap of sunshine 305 00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:44,511 of at least 10 clear minutes. 306 00:10:46,235 --> 00:10:47,498 I'd have thought it was pretty easy, actually. 307 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:51,170 At the moment we have bands of cumulostratus 308 00:10:51,272 --> 00:10:54,067 usually indicative of a fast-moving weather front, 309 00:10:54,169 --> 00:10:56,309 all you've got to do is cross-reference 310 00:10:56,411 --> 00:11:00,000 our map position, 51, 35 north, 2 west, 311 00:11:00,102 --> 00:11:02,380 with your latest satellite map, 312 00:11:02,482 --> 00:11:03,828 and then measure the wind speed 313 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,209 and Bob's your uncle, all right? 314 00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:07,622 Bye, bye! 315 00:11:07,724 --> 00:11:09,761 [Audience laughing] 316 00:11:09,863 --> 00:11:12,487 Right, where were we, Mr. Humphries? 317 00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:15,935 Now, you've made an application to our office 318 00:11:16,038 --> 00:11:17,384 for your centre to be registered- 319 00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,489 -[alarm blares] -[Mr. Humphries groans] 320 00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:20,715 It's all right, Mr. Humphries, 321 00:11:20,797 --> 00:11:24,353 it's only our regular Wednesday morning fire alarm test. 322 00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:26,767 You are very jumpy, aren't you? 323 00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:28,353 What I recommend to you, 324 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:31,424 is our health spa De-stress programme, 325 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,975 tailor-made for people like yourself 326 00:11:33,077 --> 00:11:34,769 who suffer from premature ageing. 327 00:11:34,871 --> 00:11:36,183 [Audience laughing] 328 00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:38,771 Look, I am fine. 329 00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,322 It's just sudden noises. 330 00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:42,254 I just spent three months on the isle of iona 331 00:11:42,357 --> 00:11:44,842 supervising the underpinning of the monastery. 332 00:11:44,943 --> 00:11:46,704 I still haven't got re-acclimatized. 333 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,277 -[Phone ringing] -[Mr. Humphries groans] 334 00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:49,358 Oh, do excuse me. 335 00:11:51,738 --> 00:11:52,843 Hello, my darling. 336 00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:55,085 It's gonna have to be quick, I'm afraid. 337 00:11:55,188 --> 00:11:57,708 Really? I'm very proud, Helen. 338 00:11:57,809 --> 00:12:00,156 Very, very proud indeed. 339 00:12:00,258 --> 00:12:01,211 Now you be careful, 340 00:12:01,294 --> 00:12:03,365 you've not done this sort of exercise before. 341 00:12:03,466 --> 00:12:05,365 I've got a message from the met office for you. 342 00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:06,710 All right, thanks Julie. 343 00:12:06,812 --> 00:12:07,799 Now, my darling, 344 00:12:07,881 --> 00:12:10,056 what I suggest you do is some warmup exercises, 345 00:12:10,157 --> 00:12:12,042 'cause you're going to put a lot of pressure on your femur. 346 00:12:12,124 --> 00:12:14,299 What I suggest is 10 groin squeezes. 347 00:12:16,677 --> 00:12:17,664 What is it, Julie? 348 00:12:17,746 --> 00:12:19,251 Right, well, they said the next sunny interval 349 00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:22,198 will be at 11:35 and last 12 and a half minutes. 350 00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,425 There will then be a short shower 351 00:12:23,507 --> 00:12:25,094 which should just clear the Ford Sierra 352 00:12:25,197 --> 00:12:26,288 at the east end of the car park. 353 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,441 Excellent, Julie! 354 00:12:28,543 --> 00:12:31,581 I think they were being facetious, Mr. Brittas. 355 00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:34,340 Gotta go now, my darling, yes, 356 00:12:34,442 --> 00:12:36,754 I'm behind you 110% of the way. 357 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:39,686 All right, bye! [Laughs] 358 00:12:39,788 --> 00:12:41,583 [Audience laughing] 359 00:12:41,685 --> 00:12:42,928 Mr. Humphries, how many men 360 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,998 can boast of a wife who, at the age of 40, 361 00:12:45,099 --> 00:12:46,687 decides to take up jumping? 362 00:12:46,790 --> 00:12:48,895 [Audience laughing] 363 00:12:48,998 --> 00:12:50,033 Thank you. 364 00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:57,208 Are you feeling better, Mrs. Brittas? 365 00:12:59,035 --> 00:13:00,313 Armitage shanks. 366 00:13:00,415 --> 00:13:01,589 Pardon? 367 00:13:01,691 --> 00:13:03,972 Toilet bowls, they're always armitage shanks, aren't they? 368 00:13:04,899 --> 00:13:07,177 No, I tell a lie, I saw an ideal standard 369 00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:08,315 just after breakfast. 370 00:13:08,417 --> 00:13:11,006 [Audience laughing] 371 00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:12,833 [Ben crying] 372 00:13:12,936 --> 00:13:16,008 Don't cry, Ben, I'm sure there might be a party bag 373 00:13:16,109 --> 00:13:17,490 at the end of the day. 374 00:13:17,593 --> 00:13:19,167 Can we have some more balloons up there, please? 375 00:13:19,249 --> 00:13:21,043 Yes, of course, Mr. Mendip. 376 00:13:21,146 --> 00:13:23,735 I'm very sorry I tried to get Ben invited to your party, 377 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,148 it was very pushy of me, 378 00:13:25,251 --> 00:13:28,495 especially when you'd got all the numbers worked out. 379 00:13:28,596 --> 00:13:31,564 [Ben crying] 380 00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:33,978 They've just got to learn, haven't they? 381 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:36,083 A good dose of sitting all alone, 382 00:13:36,184 --> 00:13:38,773 listening to all the happy, laughing voices. 383 00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:41,049 I think a child lucky enough to get a headstart 384 00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:42,636 in paranoia and insecurity- 385 00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,844 all right, all right. 386 00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:46,050 Let him come. 387 00:13:46,153 --> 00:13:48,707 Oh, Ben, you shall go to the party! 388 00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,398 That's if it's all right, Mr. Mendip, 389 00:13:50,499 --> 00:13:51,189 ooh, Ben, stop that! 390 00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:52,881 Put that sword away, not now! 391 00:13:52,983 --> 00:13:56,470 Now, if you could just do this, push the button here. 392 00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:58,469 Now, Ben's right side is his best, 393 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,953 and he usually prefers the last present in pass the parcel, 394 00:14:01,054 --> 00:14:03,056 if that's all right, Mr. Mendip. 395 00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,146 Now--[phone rings] 396 00:14:04,228 --> 00:14:05,264 Hold on. 397 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:06,747 [Mr. Humphries groans] 398 00:14:06,849 --> 00:14:07,919 [Mobile rings] 399 00:14:08,022 --> 00:14:09,195 [Mr. Humphries groans] 400 00:14:09,298 --> 00:14:10,195 [Buzzer rings] 401 00:14:10,299 --> 00:14:11,162 [Mr. Humphries groans] 402 00:14:11,265 --> 00:14:12,252 He's busy! 403 00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:13,404 [Audience laughing] 404 00:14:13,507 --> 00:14:14,460 Mr. Humphries. 405 00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:16,716 I am not stressed! 406 00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:19,855 [Audience laughing] 407 00:14:22,854 --> 00:14:25,029 Now, you've made application to us 408 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,342 at English heritage for your leisure centre to be registered 409 00:14:28,442 --> 00:14:30,582 as a grade one listed building. 410 00:14:30,685 --> 00:14:34,620 Mr. Brittas, this status is usually conferred on buildings 411 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,103 of a distinguished architectural and historical nature- 412 00:14:38,204 --> 00:14:40,345 precisely, which is why we have a duty 413 00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,724 to ensure that in a hundred years from now, 414 00:14:42,826 --> 00:14:45,725 whitbury new town leisure centre is still standing, 415 00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:47,415 proud and erect, a monument 416 00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:49,830 to the great golden age of publicly available 417 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,762 sport and leisure facilities with ample parking. 418 00:14:52,863 --> 00:14:54,624 [Audience laughing] 419 00:14:54,726 --> 00:14:56,625 [Air whistling] 420 00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,419 Oh my god! 421 00:14:58,521 --> 00:15:01,283 [Audience laughing] 422 00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:04,629 1,000, 2,000, 3,000, canopy, toggles. 423 00:15:07,454 --> 00:15:09,166 Are you sure you want to go through with this? 424 00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:12,147 Oh yes, my therapist said the only way 425 00:15:12,249 --> 00:15:14,596 you can really reenergize your life 426 00:15:14,698 --> 00:15:17,114 is to confront your own mortality. 427 00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:21,186 You think of your own worst nightmare, your worst phobia, 428 00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,772 submit yourself to it, conquer it, 429 00:15:23,873 --> 00:15:25,206 and you should come out of it purged 430 00:15:25,288 --> 00:15:27,807 of all your self-negative feelings. 431 00:15:27,909 --> 00:15:30,187 I don't have any phobias. 432 00:15:30,290 --> 00:15:33,154 Confined spaces, open spaces, 433 00:15:33,256 --> 00:15:36,121 drownings, electrocutions, being buried alive, 434 00:15:36,222 --> 00:15:37,603 never really bothered me. 435 00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:38,831 I mean, when you're married to Gordon 436 00:15:38,913 --> 00:15:40,211 you get quite used to them all, really. 437 00:15:40,293 --> 00:15:41,245 [Audience laughing] 438 00:15:41,327 --> 00:15:43,502 Then I thought, heights. 439 00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:46,605 [Mrs. Brittas groans] 440 00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:47,881 [Pilot] Five minutes! 441 00:15:51,641 --> 00:15:53,470 Ever since our honeymoon. 442 00:15:53,573 --> 00:15:56,472 Two weeks for the price of one at the holiday inn, croydon. 443 00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:58,182 [Audience laughing] Gordon said he wanted to go there 444 00:15:58,263 --> 00:15:59,285 so he could see the diving board 445 00:15:59,368 --> 00:16:01,093 at the crystal palace sports centre. 446 00:16:01,195 --> 00:16:03,991 Apparently, it's the highest in the country. 447 00:16:04,092 --> 00:16:07,095 There we were, right at the top. 448 00:16:07,197 --> 00:16:08,750 Gordon saying you've just got to admire 449 00:16:08,853 --> 00:16:10,717 the cantilever tip-up seating system 450 00:16:10,819 --> 00:16:11,772 and the digital Lane timers, 451 00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:13,096 when suddenly, he slipped. 452 00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:15,581 I think it was his hush puppies. 453 00:16:15,682 --> 00:16:16,890 And I just froze. 454 00:16:18,683 --> 00:16:23,516 I can see it now, standing at the top, peering over, 455 00:16:24,513 --> 00:16:27,757 Gordon hurtling through space, 456 00:16:27,859 --> 00:16:31,621 those synchronised swimmers small as dots below- 457 00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:34,345 -down the corridor! -[Mrs. Brittas retches] 458 00:16:34,447 --> 00:16:36,103 Second on the right! 459 00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,312 [Mrs. Brittas] I know! 460 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,590 We'll aim for the field next to the racecourse. 461 00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:43,209 That Mrs. Brittas? 462 00:16:43,312 --> 00:16:44,347 Isn't she the wife of- 463 00:16:44,451 --> 00:16:45,279 yeah. 464 00:16:45,382 --> 00:16:46,521 Wasn't he the one who- 465 00:16:46,623 --> 00:16:47,348 yeah. 466 00:16:47,451 --> 00:16:48,555 My lord, what he did was- 467 00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:49,729 I know. 468 00:16:49,831 --> 00:16:52,351 It was ve day celebrations, damn it! 469 00:16:52,453 --> 00:16:53,453 I know! 470 00:16:55,212 --> 00:16:56,475 Have you seen the state of the swimming pool? 471 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,338 I mean, there's food in it, wrappers, bits of donut, 472 00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:00,201 one child hasn't even bothered to use the toilet. 473 00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:02,216 Oh, don't, you're making me all nostalgic 474 00:17:02,318 --> 00:17:03,319 for Blackpool beach. 475 00:17:03,421 --> 00:17:04,664 [Audience laughing] 476 00:17:04,767 --> 00:17:07,667 Gavin, there's been another accident in the pool. 477 00:17:07,768 --> 00:17:08,755 Well, several actually, 478 00:17:08,837 --> 00:17:11,012 and I think it's something the kids have eaten. 479 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,149 Why do you think that? 480 00:17:12,251 --> 00:17:14,840 I spent all last Saturday making these sandwiches! 481 00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:16,151 [Audience laughing] 482 00:17:16,253 --> 00:17:18,083 -What a waste! -I see what you mean. 483 00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:20,359 Still, never mind, we can scrape off the Marge, 484 00:17:20,462 --> 00:17:23,534 take out the ham, cling film it all again 'til next time. 485 00:17:23,635 --> 00:17:24,395 [Audience laughing] 486 00:17:24,497 --> 00:17:25,484 Well, it'll have to be cleaned up, 487 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,430 we've got those natural childbirth semifinals 488 00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:28,623 coming in later on, Tim, could you- 489 00:17:28,705 --> 00:17:30,293 when I'm in charge of the canteen, 490 00:17:30,396 --> 00:17:32,038 I will never have to do this sort of thing again. 491 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,363 Yes, so as a final gesture, 492 00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:35,385 if you could just run over the surface with net and skimmer, 493 00:17:35,466 --> 00:17:36,570 I'll--yes? 494 00:17:36,674 --> 00:17:38,641 Well, do the liaising with Mr. Brittas, you know, 495 00:17:38,743 --> 00:17:41,159 keep him updated with progress reports and stuff. 496 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:41,985 Gavin. 497 00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:43,076 Yes, Mr. Brittas? 498 00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:44,055 At this precise moment, 499 00:17:44,158 --> 00:17:46,367 a Mr. Humphries of English heritage 500 00:17:46,470 --> 00:17:48,989 is touring our centre with a view to recommending 501 00:17:49,091 --> 00:17:51,852 that it be preserved as one of the nation's jewels, 502 00:17:51,954 --> 00:17:54,370 alongside stonehenge, westminster Abbey, 503 00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:56,336 and brockenhurst volleyball centre. 504 00:17:56,438 --> 00:17:57,646 [Audience laughing] 505 00:17:57,749 --> 00:18:00,027 Wouldn't it be a pity if his impressions were coloured 506 00:18:00,128 --> 00:18:02,683 by the rubbish bags outside the emergency exit? 507 00:18:02,785 --> 00:18:03,579 Yes. Mr. Brittas. 508 00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,235 Yes. 509 00:18:05,338 --> 00:18:06,753 Don't even think about it. 510 00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:09,858 [Audience laughing] 511 00:18:11,063 --> 00:18:12,996 Ugh, oh no, that's my best Paul Smith! 512 00:18:15,202 --> 00:18:16,307 All right, Gavin? 513 00:18:16,410 --> 00:18:18,550 Oh, Linda, Linda, couldn't give us a hand, could you? 514 00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:19,881 Mr. Brittas wants these hidden away 515 00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:21,378 from the English heritage inspector. 516 00:18:21,481 --> 00:18:22,985 I thought we'd just put them in there for now. 517 00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:23,965 -All right? -Okay. 518 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,621 [Gavin] Great. 519 00:18:25,723 --> 00:18:28,450 Oi, I thought I was lending a hand. 520 00:18:28,552 --> 00:18:31,451 Yes, I just thought I'd tell Mr. Brittas- 521 00:18:31,553 --> 00:18:32,588 yes? 522 00:18:32,691 --> 00:18:34,037 That you're lending a hand. 523 00:18:34,139 --> 00:18:36,694 Otherwise he might wonder where you are, that sort of thing. 524 00:18:36,795 --> 00:18:37,831 Staff liaison. 525 00:18:39,038 --> 00:18:41,109 [Audience laughing] 526 00:18:41,210 --> 00:18:42,867 Oh, what a mess! 527 00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:45,041 Well, that's kids. 528 00:18:45,142 --> 00:18:47,144 Vasectomies, they're so easy. 529 00:18:47,247 --> 00:18:49,145 [Audience laughing] 530 00:18:49,248 --> 00:18:50,546 Well, we'll have to drain the pool. 531 00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:53,320 [Colin] No need to drain the pool! 532 00:18:53,422 --> 00:18:54,581 Where did you get that equipment from? 533 00:18:54,663 --> 00:18:55,492 [Audience laughing] 534 00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,581 Well, it can't be whitbury scuba club, 535 00:18:56,664 --> 00:18:58,273 they haven't been back since we covered the pool 536 00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,548 for the night and they were still in there. 537 00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:00,617 It's amazing what you can pick up 538 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,426 at a car boot sale nowadays. 539 00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,598 I've just found this spare tank of air. 540 00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:06,392 Now, we'll use the skimmer 541 00:19:06,495 --> 00:19:07,895 for the liquid stuff on the surface, 542 00:19:07,978 --> 00:19:10,808 and any stubborn bits or stuff that's stuck in the filter, 543 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:14,292 I'll pick up by hand into my underwater scooper. 544 00:19:14,393 --> 00:19:17,051 Should be done in a jiffy, if you could just give me a hand. 545 00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:23,881 [Water splashing] 546 00:19:27,328 --> 00:19:29,503 I should be about 20 minutes, Tim. 547 00:19:29,605 --> 00:19:30,765 What if we need to get hold of you? 548 00:19:30,847 --> 00:19:34,368 Ah, divers have a special language, Tim, now. 549 00:19:36,435 --> 00:19:38,471 This means, okay, 550 00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:41,747 I have a problem. 551 00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:45,404 I'm drowning? 552 00:19:45,507 --> 00:19:46,231 I'm low on air. 553 00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:47,818 What about, the sun's out, 554 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:49,840 and if we don't get the photo done in the next five minutes 555 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,131 the photographer will have a nervous breakdown? 556 00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,925 Colin, one problem. 557 00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:56,476 I won't be underwater with you. 558 00:19:56,579 --> 00:19:57,476 You're right, Tim. 559 00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,788 I hadn't thought about that. 560 00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:00,892 Hey Tim, I can't miss that photograph. 561 00:20:00,994 --> 00:20:03,223 I've promised three copies to me auntie Hetty in tasmania, 562 00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:04,548 then there's my step-niece- 563 00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:06,825 -oh, charlene! -Here, tie this on here. 564 00:20:07,652 --> 00:20:09,447 And then, if we need to get hold of you 565 00:20:09,548 --> 00:20:11,274 I'll just give you a yank. 566 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,380 Better make it three yanks, just to be sure. 567 00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:19,141 1,000, 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, 5,000. 568 00:20:19,241 --> 00:20:22,037 You open at 3,000, Mrs. Brittas. 569 00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:23,865 8,000, 9,000- 570 00:20:23,966 --> 00:20:26,590 Mrs. Brittas, you've hit the ground! 571 00:20:26,691 --> 00:20:27,485 What? 572 00:20:27,589 --> 00:20:28,313 [Audience laughing] 573 00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,038 Oh my god, I froze! 574 00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,763 What if that happens when I jump? 575 00:20:31,866 --> 00:20:34,316 You're on a static line, Mrs. Brittas, 576 00:20:34,418 --> 00:20:37,007 if that fails, you've got a back-up chute. 577 00:20:37,108 --> 00:20:38,593 Well, what if I lose it? 578 00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:40,525 It's attached to your shoulder. 579 00:20:40,627 --> 00:20:42,974 But what if I get attacked by a flock of starlings 580 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:43,973 and they peck it off me? 581 00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,478 -[Audience laughing] -Mrs. Brittas- 582 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,907 there's so many things that could go wrong, 583 00:20:48,009 --> 00:20:49,514 I don't think I can go through with it. 584 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:52,978 But you've come through with flying colours, so far. 585 00:20:53,079 --> 00:20:56,013 The fitness training, the rehearsal jump, 586 00:20:56,114 --> 00:20:58,807 filling in the supplementary life insurance form- 587 00:20:58,908 --> 00:20:59,861 what? 588 00:20:59,944 --> 00:21:01,152 Just a joke, Mrs. Brittas, 589 00:21:01,254 --> 00:21:02,980 to put you at your ease. 590 00:21:03,082 --> 00:21:05,187 Now, it's all very straightforward. 591 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:08,914 We're gonna let you out just five miles west of whitbury, 592 00:21:09,015 --> 00:21:10,810 and you should hit, sorry! 593 00:21:10,912 --> 00:21:14,226 Land in a large open field there. 594 00:21:14,327 --> 00:21:18,124 I think I'm making a terrible mistake. 595 00:21:18,225 --> 00:21:19,916 What do I do? 596 00:21:20,019 --> 00:21:22,331 What would your husband want you to do? 597 00:21:23,227 --> 00:21:24,179 Gordon, that's right! 598 00:21:24,261 --> 00:21:26,056 I'll ask Gordon, where's my mobile? 599 00:21:27,297 --> 00:21:32,371 Oh no, I think I'm gonna, it's the turbulence, 600 00:21:32,678 --> 00:21:34,680 how high, don't look out of the window! 601 00:21:34,782 --> 00:21:35,942 Don't look out of the window. 602 00:21:36,024 --> 00:21:39,614 We haven't left the ground yet, Mrs. Brittas. 603 00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:42,544 Oh, Humphrey? 604 00:21:42,646 --> 00:21:45,269 These are the original sliding doors. 605 00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:47,960 Mr. Brittas, the deadline for application is today 606 00:21:48,061 --> 00:21:50,892 if you want to make the new register, so I must get on. 607 00:21:50,993 --> 00:21:51,980 Well, you don't have much time 608 00:21:52,063 --> 00:21:53,582 to stand around here talking, do you? 609 00:21:53,685 --> 00:21:56,688 [Audience laughing] 610 00:21:56,788 --> 00:21:59,239 Look, madam, we've got other jobs to go to. 611 00:21:59,341 --> 00:22:01,827 Tell your guv'ner we either do it now, 612 00:22:01,928 --> 00:22:03,447 or we've gotta come back another day. 613 00:22:03,550 --> 00:22:05,586 All right, I'll go and see Mr. Brittas. 614 00:22:06,551 --> 00:22:09,381 [Phone dialling] 615 00:22:09,483 --> 00:22:12,865 Right, the man downstairs says, can he go ahead now? 616 00:22:12,966 --> 00:22:14,505 Otherwise he'll have to come back later. 617 00:22:14,587 --> 00:22:16,092 I've already told him to get on with it, Julie, 618 00:22:16,174 --> 00:22:17,368 as quickly as possible, please. 619 00:22:17,450 --> 00:22:18,313 Right. 620 00:22:18,417 --> 00:22:19,279 Oh, and can you tell him to make a note? 621 00:22:19,382 --> 00:22:20,763 We've got three disabled toilets 622 00:22:20,865 --> 00:22:23,592 and can handle teas up to a hundred people. 623 00:22:23,694 --> 00:22:24,694 Right. 624 00:22:25,626 --> 00:22:27,800 Can you collect your son, please? 625 00:22:27,902 --> 00:22:29,697 Why, is the party over already? 626 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,560 He had a screaming fit, 627 00:22:32,662 --> 00:22:33,822 so I let him have the big present 628 00:22:33,904 --> 00:22:35,802 at the end of pass the parcel. 629 00:22:35,905 --> 00:22:36,768 He carried on screaming, 630 00:22:36,870 --> 00:22:39,217 so I rigged musical chairs for him. 631 00:22:39,319 --> 00:22:42,356 I let him have the first prize in the pirate fancy dress, 632 00:22:42,458 --> 00:22:45,461 and the second, and third, and the consolation prize. 633 00:22:45,563 --> 00:22:47,875 Finally, he took three girls hostage in the racquet locker 634 00:22:47,977 --> 00:22:49,240 and he said he wouldn't release them 635 00:22:49,322 --> 00:22:51,013 until he'd been given all the party bags, 636 00:22:51,116 --> 00:22:52,842 which he's now eating. 637 00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:55,083 Party bags? 638 00:22:55,186 --> 00:22:57,360 Yes, all 27 of them! 639 00:22:57,463 --> 00:22:58,878 [Audience laughing] 640 00:22:58,981 --> 00:23:02,225 You're letting him eat 27 party bags? 641 00:23:02,326 --> 00:23:05,536 Have you any idea what that will do to his teeth? 642 00:23:06,983 --> 00:23:07,935 [Mr. Mendip grunts] 643 00:23:08,017 --> 00:23:11,055 [Audience laughing] 644 00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:17,090 Sun! 645 00:23:17,193 --> 00:23:18,228 [Audience laughing] 646 00:23:18,331 --> 00:23:19,353 You don't look very well, you've gone very green, 647 00:23:19,436 --> 00:23:20,423 and shall I rub your tummy, make it feel better? 648 00:23:20,505 --> 00:23:21,575 [Linda] Sun's out! 649 00:23:21,677 --> 00:23:22,402 What? 650 00:23:22,505 --> 00:23:23,816 Sun's out, I'll get Mr. Brittas. 651 00:23:23,919 --> 00:23:25,596 Oh, right, darling, mummy's got to go away for a minute, 652 00:23:25,678 --> 00:23:26,665 oh no, don't be sick, Ben! 653 00:23:26,747 --> 00:23:27,645 I'll get a bucket. 654 00:23:27,748 --> 00:23:28,749 [Audience laughing] 655 00:23:28,852 --> 00:23:31,130 [Ben whines] 656 00:23:31,231 --> 00:23:34,131 [Ben retches] 657 00:23:34,232 --> 00:23:38,305 I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas, it is a fairly attractive design, 658 00:23:38,406 --> 00:23:40,201 but we are only listing buildings 659 00:23:40,303 --> 00:23:43,030 that have specific historical interest. 660 00:23:43,132 --> 00:23:46,204 However, behind your building, 661 00:23:46,305 --> 00:23:49,792 I noticed an original powkerby jepson 662 00:23:49,893 --> 00:23:51,654 concrete air-raid shelter. 663 00:23:51,755 --> 00:23:53,895 One of only two remaining in existence. 664 00:23:53,998 --> 00:23:55,965 Not only do I recommend it for grade one status, 665 00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:59,001 but to alter it in any way would be an infringement 666 00:23:59,102 --> 00:24:01,760 of the town and country planning act 1970. 667 00:24:01,862 --> 00:24:02,587 Helen? 668 00:24:02,690 --> 00:24:03,415 [Linda knocks] 669 00:24:03,518 --> 00:24:04,242 Sun's out! 670 00:24:04,346 --> 00:24:05,071 What? 671 00:24:05,173 --> 00:24:06,126 Gotta dash, my darling! 672 00:24:06,208 --> 00:24:07,899 -What? -Not you, humph. 673 00:24:08,002 --> 00:24:09,555 [Audience laughing] 674 00:24:09,658 --> 00:24:11,556 What happened to that blimmin' gas canister? 675 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,661 Well, it was here before. 676 00:24:13,762 --> 00:24:14,487 Sun's out! 677 00:24:14,591 --> 00:24:15,591 Ooh. 678 00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:19,697 [Audience laughing] 679 00:24:22,903 --> 00:24:26,113 Colin, Colin! 680 00:24:28,664 --> 00:24:30,113 [Bubbles whoosh] 681 00:24:30,216 --> 00:24:33,840 [Audience laughing] 682 00:24:33,941 --> 00:24:35,943 [Water splashes] 683 00:24:36,045 --> 00:24:37,668 [Colin gurgling] 684 00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:38,770 Oh god! 685 00:24:42,909 --> 00:24:45,153 Ladies and gentlemen, all areas of main reception 686 00:24:45,254 --> 00:24:46,601 are off-limits again, 687 00:24:46,703 --> 00:24:49,188 customers are welcome, of course, to gather in reception 688 00:24:49,291 --> 00:24:51,017 and avail themselves of facilities therein, 689 00:24:51,118 --> 00:24:51,878 thank you, bye. 690 00:24:51,981 --> 00:24:52,775 What facilities? 691 00:24:52,878 --> 00:24:53,865 Well, there's the vending machines, 692 00:24:53,947 --> 00:24:56,777 a view of the car park, a lovely floor to walk on. 693 00:24:56,879 --> 00:24:57,900 Mr. Brittas, Mr. Brittas, Mr. Brittas, 694 00:24:57,983 --> 00:24:59,053 come quickly, it's Colin! 695 00:24:59,156 --> 00:25:00,847 Excuse me on second, please. 696 00:25:00,950 --> 00:25:01,675 What's wrong with him? 697 00:25:01,777 --> 00:25:02,502 [Tim] He's just come- 698 00:25:02,605 --> 00:25:03,985 can I have, ah! 699 00:25:05,089 --> 00:25:08,126 [Audience groaning] 700 00:25:08,986 --> 00:25:11,299 [Colin gibbering] 701 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,195 He's come up too quick, he's got the bends. 702 00:25:13,298 --> 00:25:14,437 Linda, get an ambulance. 703 00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:16,369 Please, Mr. Brittas, I'll be all right. 704 00:25:16,472 --> 00:25:17,783 Don't let me miss the photo! 705 00:25:17,886 --> 00:25:20,751 Stay calm, Colin, we've got to get you to hospital. 706 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:21,805 But Mr. Brittas- 707 00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:24,545 you've got to go to a decompression chamber. 708 00:25:24,646 --> 00:25:27,407 I'll miss the photo, I'm gonna miss the photo! 709 00:25:27,509 --> 00:25:29,304 Ambulance will be here next Wednesday. 710 00:25:29,406 --> 00:25:30,131 What? 711 00:25:30,234 --> 00:25:31,324 I got that switchboard operator 712 00:25:31,407 --> 00:25:33,409 you keep timing with your stopwatch. 713 00:25:33,511 --> 00:25:36,307 Please, Mr. Brittas, let me be in the photo! 714 00:25:36,408 --> 00:25:37,408 I have an idea. 715 00:25:44,550 --> 00:25:46,483 [Audience laughing] 716 00:25:46,584 --> 00:25:48,413 Well, I think it's rather flattering. 717 00:25:48,516 --> 00:25:51,105 Oh, Mr. Brittas, Mr. Humphries could take Colin! 718 00:25:51,206 --> 00:25:52,104 We could just slide him in. 719 00:25:52,206 --> 00:25:53,760 Right, as quickly as possible, please. 720 00:25:53,862 --> 00:25:55,519 [Colin] I wanna be in the photo! 721 00:25:57,036 --> 00:25:58,472 We will, of course, refund your petrol, 722 00:25:58,554 --> 00:26:00,487 providing you supply me with a receipt 723 00:26:00,589 --> 00:26:02,557 and a note of the mileage at the start 724 00:26:02,658 --> 00:26:05,178 and at the end of your journey, all right? 725 00:26:05,279 --> 00:26:07,109 [Mobile ringing] 726 00:26:07,211 --> 00:26:08,523 Gordon! 727 00:26:08,626 --> 00:26:09,799 My darling? 728 00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:11,717 Mr. Brittas, the photographer says we've got to hurry up. 729 00:26:11,799 --> 00:26:13,042 There's more cloud coming. 730 00:26:13,144 --> 00:26:16,147 Gordon, this is the stupidest thing I've ever done, 731 00:26:16,249 --> 00:26:19,148 I mean, we're at 8,000 feet now, and I think- 732 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:21,183 what was that, my darling? I can hardly hear you. 733 00:26:21,284 --> 00:26:22,513 Could you wait, Mr. Brittas, just let to me- 734 00:26:22,595 --> 00:26:23,665 [audience laughing] 735 00:26:23,769 --> 00:26:25,909 We've gotta go now, while there's a gap in the clouds! 736 00:26:26,010 --> 00:26:27,218 It's now or never. 737 00:26:30,874 --> 00:26:33,877 [Audience laughing] 738 00:26:35,496 --> 00:26:37,014 Jesus Christ! 739 00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:40,396 She didn't wait for the signal! 740 00:26:40,498 --> 00:26:42,948 We haven't even cleared whitbury! 741 00:26:43,050 --> 00:26:44,638 [Audience laughing] 742 00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:46,742 -Ah! -Do we have a problem? 743 00:26:46,845 --> 00:26:50,020 Yes, it's my bag, my spare films. 744 00:26:50,121 --> 00:26:51,432 It's only a bit of vomit. 745 00:26:51,535 --> 00:26:52,743 [Audience laughing] 746 00:26:52,847 --> 00:26:53,744 You spend your life nursing, 747 00:26:53,847 --> 00:26:55,918 cherishing your precious equipment, 748 00:26:56,019 --> 00:26:58,781 keeping it under lock and key, and now this! 749 00:26:59,676 --> 00:27:02,023 Well, that's your photo knocked on the head. 750 00:27:02,125 --> 00:27:03,229 Pardon? 751 00:27:03,332 --> 00:27:05,748 No spare films now. 752 00:27:05,851 --> 00:27:10,062 Haven't you still got some film in the camera? 753 00:27:11,024 --> 00:27:11,818 Yes. 754 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:13,267 Well, we're ready. 755 00:27:14,198 --> 00:27:16,234 We've been here since nine! 756 00:27:16,336 --> 00:27:19,891 We've had phones ringing, hay fever, morning sickness! 757 00:27:19,993 --> 00:27:22,582 You've swapped more positions than the "Kama Sutra"! 758 00:27:24,063 --> 00:27:27,135 I am down to my last exposure. 759 00:27:27,236 --> 00:27:28,707 What on earth makes you think we're going to get it 760 00:27:28,789 --> 00:27:29,789 in one now? 761 00:27:30,479 --> 00:27:32,308 D'you know what's missing from your life? 762 00:27:32,410 --> 00:27:33,135 Hmm? 763 00:27:33,238 --> 00:27:34,239 Optimism! 764 00:27:34,342 --> 00:27:37,379 [Audience laughing] 765 00:27:38,654 --> 00:27:41,519 [Engine starting] 766 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,000 Ready? 767 00:27:45,174 --> 00:27:46,279 [Audience laughing] 768 00:27:46,382 --> 00:27:49,247 [Camera whirring] 769 00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:54,252 -[Explosion booms] -[Staff scream] 770 00:27:54,356 --> 00:27:57,290 [Rubbish clatters] 771 00:27:59,154 --> 00:28:02,157 [Audience laughing] 772 00:28:02,260 --> 00:28:05,125 [Staff screaming] 773 00:28:09,544 --> 00:28:13,133 I'd be lying if I said I was entirely happy with that one. 774 00:28:13,237 --> 00:28:15,101 [Regimental music] 775 00:28:15,204 --> 00:28:18,414 [Audience applauding] 776 00:28:18,464 --> 00:28:23,014 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55382

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