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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,106 Robot chicken 39 anne marie's pride 2 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:10,977 >> [laughing] [whirring] 3 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:18,118 [captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group] 4 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:28,161 >> it's alive! 5 00:00:28,228 --> 00:01:07,300 >> it's alive! 6 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:15,708 >> [crying softly] [grunting] 7 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:17,010 Oh! 8 00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:22,515 >> ♪ and I love you Cha cha cha ♪ 9 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:23,183 >> hey! 10 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:23,983 Mr. T.! 11 00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:25,485 I'm dave grohl of the Foo fighters. 12 00:01:25,551 --> 00:01:27,554 I am so honored you wanted to Come check out one of our band 13 00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:28,354 Rehearsals. 14 00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:29,155 >> quit your jibber-jabber! 15 00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:30,924 It's time to fight some fools! 16 00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,058 >> what are you talking about? 17 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,026 >> what's your name? 18 00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,360 The fool fighters, right? 19 00:01:34,426 --> 00:01:35,895 Then why aren't you fighting Fools? 20 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,764 What's all this mumbo jumbo About music? 21 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:38,731 >> uh... 22 00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:39,399 >> come on! 23 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:44,204 Let's go fight some fools! 24 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,872 >> hey, aren't--aren't You mr. T.? 25 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:46,872 >> shut up, fool! 26 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,140 Fight this fool! 27 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,008 Get that sucker! 28 00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:49,676 Yeah! 29 00:01:49,741 --> 00:01:53,713 Yeah! 30 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,215 Shut up, fool! 31 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,483 Punch him in the microfiche. 32 00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:57,450 Overdue charges! 33 00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:58,518 Give me a penny! 34 00:01:58,585 --> 00:01:59,419 Come on! 35 00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:00,687 I think there's some more fools This way. 36 00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,456 >> mr. T., I think we have to Stop fighting fools together. 37 00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,058 You think everyone is a fool. 38 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:06,259 >> that ain't true, fool! 39 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,060 >> see? 40 00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:07,760 >> oh, my god. 41 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:08,895 You're right. 42 00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:11,831 Now I see it is I that have been The biggest fool of all. 43 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:12,966 You must fight me. 44 00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:13,967 But it won't be easy. 45 00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:17,136 I put up a-- >> shut up, fool! 46 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:18,538 >> I pity that fool. 47 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:30,483 [chirping] >> dad, can you reach the 48 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,317 Frisbee for me? 49 00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,686 >> uh... 50 00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:34,554 No. 51 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,756 You should have been more Careful. 52 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,424 Pass the salt. 53 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:42,028 [sighs] Please, pass the salt. 54 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,296 >> well, that was... 55 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,030 Good. 56 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,732 >> don't patronize me. 57 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:47,834 Doc, I've lost my stretching Powers. 58 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,335 >> yes, well, that's no Surprise. 59 00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:50,837 You're getting on in years, Stretch. 60 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,204 Your corn syrup has hardened. 61 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,139 >> oh, no. 62 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,808 >> I recommend a full corn syrup Transplant. 63 00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:59,312 The transplant was a complete Success, but you mustn't do any 64 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,548 Stretching until your stitches Are healed. 65 00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,016 >> would you like the salt, Honey? 66 00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:03,750 >> ha! 67 00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,018 I'll get the salt. 68 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,886 And afterwards, I'm getting the Frisbee off the roof and showing 69 00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:09,489 My wife a night she'll never Forget. 70 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,723 >> ew! 71 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:11,858 >> honey, your stitches! 72 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:12,892 >> my stitches! 73 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:19,899 [screaming] Remember me as I once was! 74 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,234 >> my baby! 75 00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,335 >> daddy! 76 00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,603 >> stretchy. 77 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:25,905 >> who wants salt? 78 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:29,475 >> you're not my real dad! 79 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,077 >> why so sad, chairry? 80 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,078 >> oh. 81 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,813 It's chili day. 82 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:34,647 >> ha ha ha! 83 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,149 Happy chili day, everyone. 84 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,917 I hope you have your spoons. 85 00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:38,885 Ha ha! 86 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,853 >> [whimpering] [fart] 87 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:42,722 >> hi. 88 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:43,856 I'm gary coleman. 89 00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:46,692 And when I need $150 fast to get My power turned back on, 90 00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,428 I use fast cash now. 91 00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:49,596 >> and cut! 92 00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:50,296 Great job, gary. 93 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:51,464 >> thanks. 94 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:52,665 Hey, hey, speaking of cash, When do I get my paycheck for 95 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,399 This gig? 96 00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:54,100 >> paycheck? 97 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:54,767 Oh, sure. 98 00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:55,802 Here you go. 99 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:56,836 Take it. 100 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:57,704 Just take it. 101 00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:58,371 Just take it, gary. 102 00:03:58,438 --> 00:03:59,105 Just jump. 103 00:03:59,172 --> 00:03:59,772 There you go. 104 00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:00,473 Just jump. 105 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:01,140 Just get it. 106 00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:02,008 Come on. 107 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,276 Get it, get it, get it, Get it, get it. 108 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:03,943 You can get it. 109 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:04,777 You can get it. 110 00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,412 [rap music playing] >> yo, coleman, 111 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,581 Check out the new ride. 112 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,249 >> hi, emmanuel. 113 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,451 >> nah, nah. 114 00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:14,821 I go by many-mo these days-- As in "I don't know how many-mo 115 00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:18,291 Hot bitches I could possibly fit Into my new porsche, bitch!" 116 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,024 Ha ha ha. 117 00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:19,926 Later, tard! 118 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,427 Ah ha ha ha! 119 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,430 [tires squeal] >> oh, gary, my boy. 120 00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:26,232 What brings you to the old Nursing home? 121 00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:27,100 >> hi, conrad. 122 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,268 I'm having one hell of a crappy Day. 123 00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,938 >> well, this should cheer you Up. 124 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,172 >> oh, my god. 125 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,642 >> oh, that reminds me, I got you a gift. 126 00:04:35,707 --> 00:04:36,709 >> a leprechaun outfit? 127 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:37,909 >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 128 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,345 Try it on. 129 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,114 It's ass-less. 130 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,082 >> I can't believe they towed my Car! 131 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:49,656 This day just gets worse and Worse. 132 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:54,394 [toots whistle] >> gary, 133 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,629 You haven't yet earned your Halo. 134 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,832 I'm going to send you back to Earth until you get it right. 135 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:03,970 >> what's my first assignment? 136 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,138 >> oh! 137 00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:09,308 My prayers have been answered! 138 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,678 Now, dance! 139 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:22,722 [irish jig plays] >> books are fun. 140 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:23,756 >> hello. 141 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,826 I'm lisa, your gps navigational Onboard computer. 142 00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,828 What address would you like to Go to? 143 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:29,495 >> oh, wow! 144 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:30,363 Wow. 145 00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:33,433 I'm going home to 524 deer brook lane. 146 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,234 >> one moment, please. 147 00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:36,269 Take a left here. 148 00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,971 >> cool. 149 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,774 >> so, what kind of music do you Listen to? 150 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,142 >> um, alternative. 151 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,310 >> like this? 152 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,945 [rock music plays] >> yeah! 153 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,747 Rock on! 154 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,049 >> so, do you have a girlfriend? 155 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,484 >> um, why do you ask? 156 00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:52,885 >> just curious. 157 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:53,586 >> no. 158 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:54,787 No, I don't. 159 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,823 >> what are you doing tuesday Night? 160 00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:59,992 >> so, then I go, "That's not a Foot-long hot dog." 161 00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:00,727 Ha ha ha. 162 00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:01,694 >> oh, my god. 163 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:02,995 You're so funny. 164 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,263 The waiter is approaching. 165 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,099 He is 10 feet behind you. 166 00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:07,233 >> what would you like, sir? 167 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,067 >> oh, just a salad. 168 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,602 >> and for the gps computer? 169 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:12,772 >> the lobster, please, With some butter-lemon dipping 170 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:13,573 Sauce. 171 00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:15,575 The kitchen is 20 feet to your Left. 172 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:16,375 >> excellent. 173 00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:17,310 Thank you. 174 00:06:17,376 --> 00:06:18,678 >> I'll walk you to the door. 175 00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:19,746 I had a great time. 176 00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:20,780 >> me, too. 177 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,415 You're facing north right now. 178 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:27,887 >> [kisses] >> so, what's the deal with us 179 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:28,755 Anyway? 180 00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:29,989 >> uh... 181 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:30,656 Wow. 182 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,225 I, um... 183 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,726 You know, I--I--I... 184 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,829 I can't really get too serious Right now. 185 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,931 I--I-- >> than what was last night, 186 00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:39,899 Just a game to you? 187 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:40,767 >> no, no! 188 00:06:40,832 --> 00:06:42,101 I--I--I like you, lisa. 189 00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,302 I do, it's just... 190 00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:46,472 I--I--I just--I just Got out of a relationship, 191 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,909 And, you know, the timing... 192 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,010 It's not you. 193 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,044 It's--it's--it's me. 194 00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:54,347 >> you're a pimply, Prickly-faced son of a 195 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:57,917 Whoremonger, [bleep]-breath, Lying, [bleep]-faced asshole. 196 00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,418 What a [bleep]-beater. 197 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:09,529 Take a left here. 198 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:15,268 Take a left here. 199 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,069 >> ok, let's take it from the Top. 200 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:19,472 >> [low voices] ♪ christmas, christmas 201 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:24,210 Time is here Time for nuts 202 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:28,414 And time for beer ♪ >> oh, they're just so terrible. 203 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,082 They've eaten me out of house And home. 204 00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:35,822 They've got to go. 205 00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,257 >> [voices get higher] ♪ christmas, christmas 206 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:42,962 Loop-d-loop Me, I need 207 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:46,999 A hula hoop... ♪ >> they're fantastic! 208 00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:50,503 >> this could sell thousands of Albums. 209 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,839 >> oh, right. 210 00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:58,411 The deadly helium. 211 00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:00,947 >> timber! 212 00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:05,618 >> my name is timber! 213 00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:06,419 >> good evening. 214 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:07,486 I'm roger ebert. 215 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:10,489 Roeper is out with a bad case of Who gives a [bleep]. 216 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,226 Guest hosting with me is Director m. Night shyamalan. 217 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,160 >> what a twist! 218 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,461 >> yeah, what a twist. 219 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:19,365 First up is a three-quel to the Popular "Transporter" franchise. 220 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,167 >> I'm late for my bridge game. 221 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:24,103 I'm telling boolie your my worst Driver yet. 222 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,206 >> miss daisy, the first rule When entering a man's car-- 223 00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:28,441 >> don't sass me! 224 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:30,343 And stop that infernal ticking. 225 00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:33,511 >> ticking? 226 00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:34,380 Hang on! 227 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,514 >> aagh! 228 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:39,784 [tires squeal] Aagh! 229 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,254 Oh, watch out! 230 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,556 What are you doing?! 231 00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:44,757 Oh! 232 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:48,227 Aagh! 233 00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:50,563 Aagh! 234 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:51,597 Oh, look out! 235 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,099 Look out! 236 00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,401 Oh, no! 237 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,571 Oh, frank, You're my best friend. 238 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,641 >> well, they were gonna deliver A bomb one way our another. 239 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:02,575 Thumbs down. 240 00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,577 >> lots of aerial twists! 241 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:08,281 >> next up, adam sandler takes On another dramatic role as 242 00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:12,151 America's fourth president James madison. 243 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,986 >> you suck, madison. 244 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:14,654 >> ha ha ha! 245 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:15,855 Shut up! 246 00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,691 >> rob schneider plays double Duty as vice president george 247 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:21,961 Clinton--who died in office from A severe heart attack. 248 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:25,298 But rob schneider returns as Elbridge gerry, madison's second 249 00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:28,434 Vice president, who also died in Office from a severe heart 250 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,435 Attack. 251 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,471 I wouldn't eat that movie if it Was a sandwich. 252 00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:33,372 Thumbs down. 253 00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,875 >> rob schneider, What a twit! 254 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:39,345 >> the original "Rudy" was about A short, stout football player. 255 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,715 "Rudy 2" is about 90 minutes Long. 256 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,216 >> I'm doing it, fortune. 257 00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:45,751 I'm living my dream. 258 00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,787 >> remember what I said: Keep your hands up 259 00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:50,489 And jab, jab, jab! 260 00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:51,691 >> I'm doing it. 261 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,092 I'm really doing it. 262 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,193 >> knock him out. 263 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:54,860 That's good! 264 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:55,561 Left hook! 265 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,362 >> I'm doing it. 266 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,096 >> keep your guard up! 267 00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:57,763 Keep your guard up! 268 00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:58,497 You're doing it, son! 269 00:09:58,564 --> 00:09:59,165 >> I'm doing it! 270 00:09:59,231 --> 00:09:59,832 >> yeah, yeah! 271 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:00,533 Punish him! 272 00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,668 >> I'm doing it. 273 00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:05,671 >> "Rudy 2-d" not fresh, not Fruity. 274 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:08,407 >> what a fist! 275 00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:09,508 >> ♪ what's this? 276 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,710 What's this? 277 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:14,847 There's magic in the air ♪ Oh, wow. 278 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:15,848 This sucks. 279 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,216 >> I couldn't agree more. 280 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,419 >> gefilte fish! 281 00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:23,289 >> if this bus drops below 50 miles per hour, we're all 282 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,056 Going to die. 283 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,157 >> yay! 284 00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:26,692 >> yay! 285 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,427 >> we are running out of gas. 286 00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:31,297 >> ♪ the wheels on the bus Go round and round 287 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,066 And round... ♪ >> stop the short bus, 288 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,835 I want to get off. 289 00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:36,902 Thumbs down. 290 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:37,970 >> it was ok. 291 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:39,972 >> now we look at one of next Week's new releases-- 292 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,009 Liam neeson reprises his Oscar-nominate role in 293 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,444 "Schindler's list 2." 294 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,513 >> he's making a list... 295 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,282 He's checking it twice... 296 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:55,855 He's gonna find out Who's nazi or nice. 297 00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:59,592 "Schindler's list 2: Schindler's pissed." 298 00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,260 >> what a list! 299 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,195 >> [sighs] Why couldn't you come down with 300 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,031 A case of who gives a [bleep]? 301 00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,933 >> [clucking] [captioning made possible by 302 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,669 Turner entertainment group] [captioned by the national 303 00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:18,878 Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--] 304 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,946 >> bock. 19625

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