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1
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:09,209
Turner entertainment group]
[thunder]
2
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:18,685
>> aah!
3
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:28,928
>> it's alive!
4
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:42,075
>> ha ha ha ha!
5
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:45,478
>> morning bear, are you having
Smoke sex?
6
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:51,317
>> uh, no.
7
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,586
>> [yawns]
What a day!
8
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:58,057
It's exhausting being the ceo
Of burger king.
9
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:03,296
[telephone rings]
[beep]
10
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:04,563
Hello?
11
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:05,698
Hello?
12
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,901
Is anyone there?
13
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,069
Damn it.
14
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,705
[telephone rings]
[beep]
15
00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:13,907
Hello.
16
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,208
Who is this?
17
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:18,611
I'm the ceo of burger king, you
Know.
18
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:20,713
Dah!
19
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,183
[creak]
What was that?
20
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:28,488
[creak]
Who's there?
21
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,123
Whew!
22
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,892
Must have just been my--
Aah!
23
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:37,363
I'm flame-broiling in my pants!
24
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,332
Waahhh!
25
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:46,473
[crack]
Oh! My arm!
26
00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:47,941
Die, you son of a bitch!
27
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:50,043
Ha ha!
28
00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:51,176
What?
29
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:52,512
No!
30
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:55,515
I've killed my only son!
31
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:59,985
If only philip had lived to
Taste the triple bacon king
32
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:04,524
Burger now on sale at
Participating locations.
33
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:06,960
>> the new triple bacon king
Burger.
34
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:09,062
Spend your nights with the king.
35
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,896
>> oh, philip!
36
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,066
[urinating]
>> hey.
37
00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:14,934
>> don't cross the streams, man.
38
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,003
>> mein teacher?
39
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:17,971
>> yes, li'l hitler?
40
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,339
>> mein desk is small.
41
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:24,043
I need this polish boy's desk,
Also.
42
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:28,781
>> everyone gets the same size
Desk, li'l hitler.
43
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:34,320
>> ♪ li'l hitler
Such a scamp ♪
44
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:38,291
>> ah, here it is,
The book of your life.
45
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:40,260
>> wow!
46
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,427
Huh?
47
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,496
>> just ask the book any
Question about your life, and
48
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,833
The answer shall be revealed.
49
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:51,771
>> uh...How many days did I
Live?
50
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:52,739
Cool!
51
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,107
How many hours is that?
52
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,508
>> it's not a calculator.
53
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,377
This is the book of your life.
54
00:02:57,442 --> 00:03:00,780
>> ooh, how many times did I
Hear the song "I touched myself"
55
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,882
By the divinyls?
56
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:05,251
Huh...I thought it would be
More than that.
57
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:08,922
>> why not ask the book about
Your actions on earth and how
58
00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:10,990
They impacted your loved ones?
59
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:12,292
>> in a minute.
60
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,795
Hey, book, if I made bricks out
Of all the poop I ever pooped
61
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,198
Out and built a 6-foot high wall
Out of the bricks, how long
62
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,667
Could I make that wall?
63
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,669
>> this is ridiculous.
64
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:25,471
>> book, tell this man how many
Moments of happiness he gave his
65
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:26,839
Friends and family.
66
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:28,107
>> boring!
67
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,877
Book, could I have filled the
Empire state building with my
68
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:31,945
Own poop?
69
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:32,978
>> don't answer that, book.
70
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,013
>> but I want to know.
71
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:34,680
>> no!
72
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:35,481
>> yes!
73
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,182
>> no!
74
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:36,983
>> yes!
75
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:37,850
>> that does it!
76
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:41,220
[thunder and lightning]
>> 2.7 miles?
77
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,323
>> ha! I know!
78
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,491
>> now, class--
>> mein teacher?
79
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,828
I will need the czechoslovakian
Boy's desk as well.
80
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:52,799
>> li'l hitler, where's little
Polaski?
81
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:56,302
>> ♪ li'l hitler
Always having fun ♪
82
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:58,137
>> cat court is now in session.
83
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:11,551
We will now hear the case of
Garfield vs. Heathcliff.
84
00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:14,853
>> I was in the funny papers
5 years before this lame
85
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,089
Knockoff.
86
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:18,224
>> judge, if I might.
87
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:21,628
I'd like to present this
Affidavit.
88
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,830
Oh, sorry, your honor.
89
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:25,965
I'm on a lasagna diet.
90
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:29,902
I see lasagna, I eat it.
91
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:32,739
[yawn]
>> aw, that joke sucks,
92
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,207
Even for you.
93
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:35,241
>> court agrees.
94
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:36,376
That joke sucked.
95
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,611
Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are at
A standstill.
96
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,814
There's only one fair way to
Settle this argument.
97
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:46,185
Cat fight!
98
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,687
>> you want a piece of me?
99
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,022
Come on, fat boy!
100
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:51,157
>> come and get it, cat.
101
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:53,693
>> rreoww!
102
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,897
Open your eyes all the way,
You lazy [bleep].
103
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,567
>> I'm gonna start calling you
"Monday."
104
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,437
I hate mondays.
105
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:15,181
[shouting]
>> oh, ooh, I real--
106
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,050
>> I'm dying!
107
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:19,252
I'm so cute and I'm dying!
108
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,653
Aah!
109
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,921
>> eat it, eat it!
110
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,523
Die, die!
111
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,358
>> enough.
112
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:26,859
We have a champion.
113
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:30,029
The court rules in favor of
Garfield.
114
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,030
>> ptui!
115
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:32,732
>> oh!
116
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,867
Heart...Attack...
117
00:05:34,933 --> 00:05:37,603
From decades...Of only...
118
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:42,008
Eating--
>> I'm sorry.
119
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,477
I just couldn't take another
Freaking lasagna joke.
120
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,346
>> oh, gods be praised, I'm
Free!
121
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:48,614
Free!
122
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,284
>> up next, cat court hears the
Assault case against chester
123
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:52,284
Cheetah.
124
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:58,091
>> he hankered for a hunk of my
Ass, yahoo!
125
00:05:58,157 --> 00:05:59,726
>> uh-oh.
126
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:03,663
[organ music playing]
It's no big deal.
127
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,598
It's probably not even
Quicksand.
128
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,800
I'll have a good laugh about
This tonight with the guys.
129
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,737
Ha ha ha!
130
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:15,441
[organ music]
Well, this is just [bleep]
131
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,409
Perfect!
132
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,677
Stupid quicksand!
133
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:18,678
Stupid jungle!
134
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,680
I want to bite someone in the
Face!
135
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:21,581
Mother[bleep]!
136
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:22,648
Mother[bleep]!
137
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,016
Mother[bleep]!
138
00:06:24,082 --> 00:06:25,384
Ah, [bleep]!
139
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,220
You stupid jungle!
140
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:28,755
Ah, [bleep]!
141
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:33,359
[organ music]
Are you there, god?
142
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,361
It's me--giraffe.
143
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,830
Listen, if you would just give
Me a mulligan on this quicksand
144
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:41,734
Thing, I promise, I promise no
More peeing on your shorter
145
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:42,769
Creatures.
146
00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:44,704
Deal?
147
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:54,747
[organ music]
[sobbing]
148
00:06:54,814 --> 00:07:02,155
[organ music]
[sobbing]
149
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:04,056
Mommy.
150
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:08,661
[organ music]
You know something, I'm cool
151
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:09,862
With this.
152
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:13,366
I'll bet heaven has all the
Tender leaves I can eat
153
00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:16,335
And everyone gets their own
Slurpee machine.
154
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:19,438
Yeah, take me sweet death.
155
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,541
I await your loving embrace.
156
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,143
[splat]
What?
157
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,846
I think I hit the bottom.
158
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:38,291
[bleep]
[squeak squeak]
159
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:40,659
>> well, what's going on here?
160
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,763
[slurp]
>> it's not my problem.
161
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:48,334
[sighs]
Now it's my problem.
162
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,704
>> ♪ li'l hitler
I'm [indistinct] ♪
163
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,172
>> look sharp, team.
164
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,675
>> remember, my x-men, use
Extreme caution.
165
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:57,810
This is your most dangerous
Mission yet.
166
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,145
>> right, professor.
167
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:05,184
[zap]
>> oh, is it ok if I delete real
168
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,954
World road rules challenge off
The tivo, because it's been a--
169
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,255
Wow!
170
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,424
I'm going to need some new
Students.
171
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:12,725
Welcome, recruits.
172
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,927
Though we've had to lower our
Standards thanks to a shortage
173
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:18,698
Of actual mutants, the dangers
You'll face are no less real.
174
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:21,467
You'll be defending a world that
Hates and fears you.
175
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:22,668
>> what?
176
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,570
Hate and fear us because we're
Mutants?
177
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,006
>> no, because you were in the
"Police academy" movies.
178
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:32,178
[squeak squeak]
What the hell is wrong with this
179
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,111
Chair?
180
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,381
And it seems we're missing one
Recruit.
181
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:40,753
[airplane]
>> sorry I'm late.
182
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,121
>> mahoney!
183
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:46,926
This is the danger room, the
Ultimate training facility.
184
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,829
You never know what you might
Face: killer death rays, flying
185
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:53,266
Buzz saws, inflatable ... Bags.
186
00:08:53,332 --> 00:09:00,740
Let's begin.
187
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,642
>> hello, my ruba brother.
188
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,210
I'm lardell jones.
189
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:07,246
Destroy all humanoids.
190
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,982
>> excuse me, um...
191
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,084
Please, stop that.
192
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:13,920
>> you're an x man.
193
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:15,588
Act like one.
194
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:18,791
>> who wants a piece of me,
Dirtbag!
195
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:22,128
>> for heaven's sake, get that
Body to the morgue.
196
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:31,003
Move it, move it, move it!
197
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:34,106
>> hightower, we haven't got all
Day.
198
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:35,641
Well, that's horrifying.
199
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,843
Recruits, these battle outfits
Are stylish,
200
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,613
Temperature-controlled, and best
Of all bulletproof.
201
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,547
>> awesome!
202
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,215
>> tackleberry, no!
203
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:45,952
>> of course, they can only
Protect the parts of you they
204
00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:47,386
Actually cover.
205
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:50,323
[squeak squeak]
Stupid chair.
206
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,058
Hey! You!
207
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,026
It's been you all along!
208
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,294
>> huh?
209
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:56,996
>> try making your cute sound
Effects with a telepathically
210
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,164
Erased brain.
211
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:02,868
[choking]
>> ha!
212
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,870
[squeak squeak]
Uh-oh.
213
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,873
Welcome new graduates of xavier
School for gifted youngsters.
214
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,475
>> he's in for a surprise.
215
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,511
>> as x-men, you now carry the
Great responsibility--
216
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,982
[zipper]
Some mischief maker has gone to
217
00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:19,118
Great lengths to hide a
Prostitute under my podium.
218
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:22,688
Unfortunately, I'm paralyzed
From the waist down and her
219
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:25,691
Enthusiastic efforts are quite
For naught.
220
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,594
As I was saying, the x-men--
I didn't say stop.
221
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:29,729
>> look sharp, team.
222
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:34,633
>> remember, my x-men,
Use extreme caution.
223
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,335
Oh, well.
224
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,238
Same time next week?
225
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:45,845
>> ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah
Rowitookidom boom boom boom
226
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:51,550
[squeak squeak]
Rrr! Rrr! Rrr!
227
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:55,187
Boom boom boom
Rrr! Rrr! Rrr!
228
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,957
Shake it.
229
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,191
Robochicken?
230
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:01,293
Yeah! ♪
[captioning made possible by
231
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,262
Turner entertainment group]
[captioned by the national
232
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,330
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--]
15633
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