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Robot chicken 35 "The munnery"
[captioning made possible by
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00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:17,751
Turner entertainment group]
[tools whirring]
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>> it's alive!
4
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>> heh heh heh heh!
5
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>> mom! I found dad!
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>> the united states navy,
Battling a new foe--
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00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:50,550
Low recruitment.
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00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,019
So remember "Don't ask,
Don't tell"?
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Now we're more "Don't ask"
Than ever before.
10
00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,994
When they write your life story,
Will anyone want to read it?
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00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:04,063
Then put a chapter in there
About having sex with a man
12
00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:05,899
On a submarine.
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00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:07,500
That would be a neat book.
14
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,403
Booyah. The navy.
15
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,472
>> kneel before zod.
16
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:15,775
Lay down on your backs
Before zod.
17
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:18,978
Now, using your lower
Abdominals, raise your legs and
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00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,514
Hold on a 5-count before zod.
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00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:26,152
1 before zod, 2 before zod,
3 before zod...
20
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>> there's no place like home.
21
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There's no place like home.
22
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:33,693
There's no place like--
[wind blowing]
23
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>> oh, crap!
24
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,997
This isn't what I meant.
25
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:39,799
>> well, tan my hide.
26
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,935
Look who's come home.
27
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:45,939
Dwayne, get on out here
And see what the cat drug in.
28
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:51,277
>> why, rita, I--
Aw! My little girl
29
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:54,914
Has finally come back to me.
30
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:58,384
[sniffs]
You look good, child.
31
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,487
>> there's no place like
Auntie em and uncle henry's.
32
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:02,856
There's no place like
Auntie em and uncle henry's.
33
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:05,191
>> coming this fall
From the creators of "Monk,"
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00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:08,061
Everyone's parents' favorite
Obsessive-compulsive detective,
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00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,697
Comes "Cork," america's first
Mentally challenged
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Crime sleuth.
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00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,566
>> it's anica dorsey,
The bank teller.
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00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:14,734
We're all out of leads, cork.
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00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,703
What do you make
Of the situation?
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00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,103
>> ha ha! I'm a tornado!
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I'm a tornado! Ha ha ha!
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[crying loudly]
>> it's a wedding band.
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00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,513
This young man just found
Our first clue.
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00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,714
>> good job, cork.
45
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,616
>> no more gym class.
46
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:31,684
[stammering]
>> what is it, cork?
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>> [stammering]
>> is it a widow and her
48
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,088
Boyfriend trying to cash in
On her late husband's
49
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,256
Insurance policy?
50
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,257
>> nah.
51
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:38,892
>> is it a gang of old poker
Buddies who decided
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00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,860
To knock over a casino
For one last shot at fortune?
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00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:41,861
>> nah.
54
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,364
>> do you have to go number-one?
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>> yeah!
56
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:47,367
>> ok. Take my hand.
57
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:51,371
No more soda for you today, ok?
58
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:53,039
He's getting away!
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00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,975
>> [stammering]
>> you want to go faster, cork?
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00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:57,343
>> ok.
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00:02:57,410 --> 00:03:04,017
[engine revs]
[tires screeching]
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00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,853
>> [cheering]
>> loud noises. No noises.
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00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,721
>> you'll never take me
Alive, cork.
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00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:11,591
One move, and your precious
Volunteer big sister is gonna
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Have a bullet in her head!
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00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:14,827
>> cork, do something!
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00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:16,228
>> boobies. Ha ha ha.
68
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:20,400
>> cork, quick! The bad man
Took your stretch armstrong!
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00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,635
>> no!
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00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,037
>> ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
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>> mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
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Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
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>> cork, that's enough.
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00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,145
Cork, that's enough.
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00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:32,912
Cork.
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>> mine! Mine!
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00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:37,517
>> cork, thanks to your
Unflappable enthusiasm
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00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:40,587
And surprisingly handy
Capable strengths, this city
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00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:42,055
Owes you a great debt.
80
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:44,958
As a token of our gratitude,
You may now pick out one toy
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00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:46,359
At the toy store.
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00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,494
>> I want spaghetti.
83
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:52,531
>> aah!
84
00:03:52,599 --> 00:04:04,944
>> release the dragon.
85
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:07,847
>> aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
86
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,084
>> I'm free. I'm free!
87
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,819
Oh, my god!
88
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,454
It's all so beautiful.
89
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:19,993
I honestly thought
I would never get out.
90
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:23,429
>> aah!
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00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:29,469
>> ♪ heartbreak, in the morning
There's heartbreak
92
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:37,909
My kittens have left me
And the flowers are dead
93
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:43,216
I hear laughter
But never for me
94
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:50,156
No, I'm alone
Dust and refuse
95
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:55,395
Fills my soul
Sorrow
96
00:04:55,461 --> 00:05:03,236
Every moment is torment
I can't recall sunshine
97
00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:11,077
And all colors are gray
In the mirror
98
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:15,815
I beg for release
And hear its sweet call
99
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:21,888
When the gates open
I walk slowly in ♪
100
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,190
>> it's just like andy
Always told me--
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00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,793
Get busy dying, or get kraken.
102
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:34,467
>> I got no brakes!
103
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,736
>> ♪ faces filled
With joy and cheer
104
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:39,806
What a magical time of year
Howdy ho
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00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:45,211
It's weasel stomping day
Now put your viking helmet on
106
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,447
Spread that mayonnaise
On the lawn
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00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,982
Don't you know
It's weasel stomping day?
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00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:53,853
Weasel stomping day
All the little girls and boys
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00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,055
Love that wonderful
Crunching noise
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You'll know what
This day's about
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When you stomp
A weasel's guts right out
112
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,696
So come along and have a laugh
Stomp their weasely
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Spines in half
Grab your boots
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And stomp your cares away
Hip hip hooray
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00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:19,912
It's weasel stomping day ♪
[weasels squealing]
116
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:30,623
It's weasel stomping day ♪
[weasels squealing]
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♪ people up and down the street
Crushing weasels
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Beneath their feet
Why we do it, who can say?
119
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:41,100
But it's such a festive holiday
So let the stomping fun begin
120
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,436
Bash their weasely
Skulls right in
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It's tradition
That makes it ok
122
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,909
Hey, everyone,
It's weasel stomping
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00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,011
We'll have some fun
On weasel stomping
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00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:56,315
Put down your gun
It's weasel stomping day
125
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Hip hip hooray
It's weasel stomping day ♪
126
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,755
>> weasel stomping day.
127
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:03,856
>> hey!
128
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:07,827
>> well, here we are,
Face to face.
129
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,497
>> starlight, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
130
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:16,803
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight.
131
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I wish--
[rumbling]
132
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,576
Holy crap!
133
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:26,646
I-I-I got to tell oscar.
134
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:28,748
Oscar!
135
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,883
Oscar! Oscar!
136
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,318
>> aah!
137
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,154
>> hey, oscar, it's me--kevin.
138
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:36,722
>> oh, what happened?
139
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,692
>> I made a wish on that star.
140
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:45,731
[rumbling]
>> dude, we got to tell jimmy.
141
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,568
>> dudes, we've got
To tell louis.
142
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,603
>> louis. Hey. Hey, louis.
143
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:54,507
>> [gasp]
>> make a wish. It'll come true.
144
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:58,811
[rumbling]
>> a giant squid? You idiot.
145
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:00,646
We're not even near water.
146
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:04,116
>> aw, crap! Sorry, guys.
147
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,586
Let's go tell timmy.
148
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,421
>> ew!
149
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,856
>> timmy! Hey, timmy!
150
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,491
Use your laser cannon
To wake him up.
151
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:13,759
>> I have a laser cannon?
152
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:21,200
>> all giant robots
Have laser cannons. Duh!
153
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,468
>> holy crap!
154
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,637
I have a laser cannon!
155
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:28,975
>> timmy! Timmy! Make a wish,
And it'll come true.
156
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:30,309
>> timmy?
157
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,111
>> hey, let's go get zach.
158
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,447
>> zach, wake up! Wake up, zach!
159
00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:41,254
>> make a wish,
And it'll come true.
160
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,355
>> jerks.
161
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,490
It's 3:00 in the morning.
162
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:45,758
>> want to play doctor?
163
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,261
>> I don't have insurance.
164
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,997
>> report, mr. Scott.
165
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:54,901
>> captain, somebody traded
All our dilithium crystals
166
00:08:54,967 --> 00:09:00,573
For pornographic holograms.
167
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:01,540
>> and?
168
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,876
>> with no power,
All life support on the ship
169
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,645
Is about to fail.
170
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,779
>> and?
171
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,015
>> our only hope is to beam
Down to the nearest planet,
172
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:12,318
But there is only enough power
To send 5 people.
173
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,619
I can't do no more.
174
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,290
>> captain, logic dictates that
Each of the 433 crew members--
175
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,492
>> hey! Where did kirk go?
176
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:22,094
Oh, no, he didn't.
177
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:23,629
>> no fair, jim!
178
00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:27,266
>> nah nah nah! Yoink!
179
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:31,504
>> now there's only enough power
For 4 of us to beam out!
180
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:32,571
>> I'm a doctor.
181
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,140
I have to go.
182
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:40,179
>> [others agreeing]
>> um...I have a vagina.
183
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,982
>> [others agreeing]
>> a vagina could prove
184
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,518
Quite useful.
185
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:46,919
>> I'm toby, the redshirt.
186
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,387
You need a redshirt.
187
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:49,889
You just do.
188
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:50,823
>> quite logical.
189
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,326
>> sure.
190
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:56,429
Only one of us
Can go, old friend.
191
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,731
>> we shall handle this
The only logical way.
192
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:00,466
What the hell is that?!
193
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:05,071
>> did you just try
The vulcan nerve pinch on me?
194
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,672
>> no.
195
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:12,578
>> ooh! My eye!
196
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:21,253
[alarm blaring]
>> oh, snap. It looks like
197
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,623
We got some sort of donner party
Situation up in here.
198
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,658
>> damn it, jim.
199
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,995
I'm a doctor, not a--
>> a cannibal. Yes, we know.
200
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:32,264
>> am I really that predictable?
201
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:33,733
>> chain of command, people.
202
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,534
So I guess we start by eating...
203
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,170
Let's see...
204
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,039
>> aw, hell, no.
205
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,207
You know what?
206
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,708
[beep] All y'all.
207
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,076
>> it is your duty.
208
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,444
>> screw that!
209
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:48,347
On behalf of all the redshirts
That fell before me,
210
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:52,451
It makes me very, very proud
To speak the following sentence.
211
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:55,888
[inhales deeply]
I'm the only one
212
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,523
That brought a gun.
213
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,025
>> uh-oh.
214
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:06,298
[phaser firing]
>> mmm! That's good ham.
215
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:10,169
[chickens clucking]
[captioning made possible by
216
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,938
Turner entertainment group]
[captioned by national
217
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,006
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--]
15374
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